The Sound of One Hoof Clopping

by Trick Question

Rating: everyone
Tags: Death, Princess Luna, Spike, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia, Anthology, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 13628

Classic zen koans, with ponies.

This is a collection of classic zen koans retold with Friendship is Magic characters.

Koans are small questions, poems, or stories used in Zen Buddhism to bring about enlightenment in the reader.

Rebooted April 2018. I'll remove this message once we're caught up again.

Published 2014-12-21 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-11 20:07:19 UTC

Koan 1: The Best Candy

Hoof traffic in Sugarcube Corner was usually light in the early afternoons, and at the moment there were no customers. Pinkie Pie was busy cleaning off tables with a damp rag following the lunch-hour rush (something Pinkie insisted on calling "the sugar rush").

As Cheerilee walked into the shop, Carrot Cake waved to her from behind the counter. "Good afternoon, Cheerilee! Looking for anything sweet?"

Pinkie stopped what she was doing to watch the new conversation. Even though she spent all of her time surrounded by friends, the thoughts and feelings of other ponies always fascinated Pinkie. Pony-watching was one of the best perks of working with the Cake family, although it was a distant second to all the free candy.

"I need something to take with me for a business lunch I'm attending this weekend. It's nothing too special, just an educational conference," she said. "I know everypony has their own personal tastes, but is there a candy or dessert you would consider the best in the store?"

Somehow Pinkie had managed to acquire a large bag of popcorn, and she munched merrily away as she watched the exchange. She already knew what Carrot's favorite confection was (white-chocolate-dipped pretzel sticks), but she'd never thought to ask him what he thought was objectively the best candy! What would he say? The Cakes designed treats for a living, so if anypony knew what the best candy was, it'd be Mr. Cake.

Carrot Cake smiled. "They're all the best," he said, motioning in a grand wave of his hoof. "Every item we make is our best treat." Cheerilee looked confused for a moment, and then they both laughed.

Pinkie, however, froze in place, leaving a piece of popcorn she'd tossed into the air to bounce off her muzzle and onto the floor. What her employer had said in jest actually made perfect sense to her: each and every candy in the store was truly better than all the rest. In this sublime epiphany, Pinkamena Diane Pie found great enlightenment.

Koan 2: Death of a Cup

Late one evening, not long after having been accepted as the Princess’s personal student, Twilight Sparkle was walking the halls of her school alone. Earlier that day she had noticed a crystal chalice in the central hall which rested on a tiny stand in a recess in the wall, way up high where nopony could reach it. Twilight was very interested in taking a closer look, and she knew nopony else would be around this time of night. The chalice's special placement clearly indicated it was an heirloom or magical artifact of some sort, and its craftsmanship was remarkable.

She arrived at the central hall and looked back and forth, finding the area empty. Insatiably curious, and with nopony to stop her, the little unicorn levitated the peculiar faceted cup off of its stand with her magic and brought it down to her for a closer examination. As she rotated the cup slowly with her magic, she admired the beautiful manner in which the dim lighting filtered through the cup to form tiny rainbows at its edges.

Twilight heard a soft humming noise coming from the chalice. It was an intricate musical chord of some kind, and it was slowly growing louder. Could the artifact be reacting to her magic, she wondered? Sensing danger, she levitated the cup upwards to place it back upon the stand, but it was too late: the chalice began to vibrate out of control, then shattered to pieces right before her eyes!

The little pony gasped in horror as dozens of tiny fragments tinkled off of the hardwood floor. Fearing she may have been overheard, Twilight quickly gathered the crystal pieces into a small pile, but couldn't decide what to do next. It wouldn't be right to hide what she'd done, and she felt terribly guilty. Hearing hoofbeats approaching, Twilight turned and stood anxiously between the evidence and whoever was coming this way. Her heart fell in her chest as soon as she saw the Princess enter the room. However, thinking on her heel bulbs, the filly quickly formulated a plan.

"Twilight, what are you doing here so late in the evening?" asked the princess in her usual soothing voice. Celestia was twice the size of an adult pony, so her stature completely dwarfed the young unicorn. Twilight Sparkle paused a moment to study her mentor’s face. If the Princess already knew what had happened, her calm expression belied it.

"I've had a hard time sleeping, Princess. If it's okay, may I ask you a question?" Twilight said nervously, her head bowed. "It's... about death."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. This line of inquiry had clearly caught her off guard. "I've expected that we might one day have a conversation on such things, my young pupil," she said, the aurora of her magical mane flowing hypnotically across her cheeks as she intoned the words. "I did not expect it would come so soon... but perhaps I presume too much about your question. Please, ask away."

"Thank you Princess," Twilight said, looking back up to her teacher. "My question is simple: is it the way of all things, to eventually end?" she asked, in a naively direct tone of voice.

The tall alicorn nodded. "Yes, dear. Death, and ending, are an important part of life. Everything, and everypony as well, has a proper time to be, and a proper time to go," the Princess said, smiling gently. "It is something to embrace, not something from which to hide."

"I see," said Twilight Sparkle, shyly bowing her head again. "Then I'm afraid I must inform you," she added solemnly, stepping aside to reveal the pile of fragments, "that I have recently discovered it was this cup's time to go." The little filly looked coyly upward, biting at her lower lip.

A strange look crossed the Princess’s face, then suddenly she laughed. "Oh, my little pony. You certainly are full of surprises," she said, confusing the young foal. Princess Celestia levitated Twilight onto her back. "Come, I will take you to your chambers. The custodial staff will deal with the mess in the morning."

"Aren't you angry with me?" whispered Twilight, clinging tightly to her mentor's eerily warm mane.

"Perhaps just a little, but your conclusion was just and wise," she said. "Besides, this is a bit of a relief compared to the conversation I expected to have with you just now; a conversation we will no doubt have someday," she revealed, trotting quickly down the castle hallways.

Twilight, intensely curious by nature, meant to ask what the Princess meant by that last response. But Celestia's horn glowed ever so slightly, and the foal suddenly began feeling very sleepy.

As the Princess tucked her star pupil into her bedding, the young pony already dreaming of sweet candy clouds and shiny magical moonbeams, she briefly admired Twilight's resolve. Celestia was certain this would be the pony to return the Elements of Harmony to life.

"And one day, my little pony, we shall have that conversation; but not for many years to come," Princess Celestia whispered before blowing out the wall-mounted candle and closing the door.

Koan 3: Whose Problem?

The sun was shining bright, and it was a beautiful day far above the ground. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were walking together along a large cumulus patch in Cloudsdale, sharing stories as they trotted among the clouds. Visiting Cloudsdale brought back many pleasant memories for both of them.

Without warning, a large male palomino pegasus pony galloped straight into them from behind, slamming sidelong into Fluttershy and knocking her over into a pile of fluffy cloudstuff. Rainbow Dash barely managed to dodge the assault.

"Out of my way, fillies," the stallion called back rudely, already a quarter-furlong into the distance.

"I’ll show him," said Rainbow Dash, punctuating it with a snort. Her wings sprung high for the chase. However, she remembered her fallen friend, and reached over to help the slighter pegasus to her feet first. Fluttershy brushed her soft mane from her eyes with one hoof, and held Rainbow Dash’s shoulder back with the other.

"It’s okay, Rainbow," Fluttershy insisted.

"Unfff," said Dash, placing a hoof against her own face in frustration. "Fluttershy, I thought we were teaching you to be less of a pushover."

Fluttershy thought for a moment, but did not remove her hoof. "Yes, that's true. But I didn’t do anything wrong to cause this," she said. "This caught us both by surprise, and I doubt it was personal. He's probably just a very rude pony, or at least he is today."

"Well, fine," said Dash, "but somepony really needs to teach that jerk a lesson. I mean, don't you want to do anything about what happened to you?"

Fluttershy nodded, dusting cloudstuff from her wings and removing her hoof from her friend. "I agree, he does need a lesson," she said, her voice surprisingly bold. "But I guess I'm not in a very generous mood today, Rainbow. This whole knocking-me-down thing is just going to have to be his problem." And with that, Fluttershy smiled sweetly enough to disarm an entire herd of jerks.

Rainbow Dash felt her choler subside. She chuckled, placing a wing around her good friend. "Yeah, sport, I guess it is," she said, and the pair continued on their way.

Koan 4: Doing It Yourself

Shortly before the Cutie Mark Crusaders came into being, Apple Bloom was a very unhappy young filly. She dreaded the thought of attending that snobbish little Diamond Tiara's cute-ceañera. Diamond Tiara had been a late starter herself, and Apple Bloom knew she might be the only pony left at the party who still hadn't earned her own cutie mark. The little filly trotted nervously to and fro in her family's kitchen, wondering what she could possibly do to get her mark.

"Sugarcube, you best do that pacin' outside before you catch your manebow on a cookin' utensil," said Applejack, ushering her little sibling out the door with a hoof. Apple Bloom dropped her head low as she stepped outside. Applejack knew what the trouble was from speaking with her sister earlier, so she straightened her cowpony hat with a hoof and trotted on after the filly.

The two sisters sat down together on the back porch. "You can't let this eat away at you, Apple Bloom. You’ll get your mark when the time is right," said Applejack. She leaned in gently against Apple Bloom, her braided blond mane falling across Apple Bloom's withers like a limp hug.

Apple Bloom sighed, then looked up to Applejack expectantly. "Sis, maybe I could just... y'know, hang around you from now on? Like, all the time," she asked. "I mean, you're so smart and accomplished and stuff, I'm sure to get my cutie mark just by bein' around you some."

Applejack blushed at her sister's flattery, but she knew the little one was only trying to hide in her shadow. "Lemme be frank with you, hon. If you're hungry, and I eat, does that fill you up? If you're tired, and I sleep, do you feel any more refreshed? How about if you gotta use the filly's room and I take a pee in your place?" she asked, an overly-serious look on her muzzle.

After failing to suppress a giggle, Apple Bloom paused for a moment to let the words sink in. "Okay, I getcha. A cutie mark's something I gotta do for myself," she said, then frowned. "I just don't wanna wait forever for it, sis!"

Applejack smiled brightly. "You won't, dear," she said. "Y'know, for some ponies, a cutie mark's just somethin' what happens to them without any thought. But the day you get your mark, Apple Bloom, I'm sure you'll have earned it more than anypony I've ever known."

The little filly closed her eyes and imagined that day, and thought about how meaningful it would be for her to earn her mark on her own. For the faintest glimmer of a moment, Apple Bloom knew what it would feel like when her cutie mark appeared. She smiled as a warm kiss of pride tickled her insides: a hint of what would one day come to pass.

Koan 5: The Meaning of Life

Fluttershy was at home relaxing with her many animal friends during afternoon tea, when she heard a loud knocking at her door. Before she had a chance to rise, a snow-white blur whizzed by her. Fluttershy heard a familiar voice murmur something, followed by the loud WHAM! of the door slamming shut. Her overprotective lapine companion hopped back into the room, head held high with an irritated look on his face.

"Angel Bunny! That is not how we treat guests,” admonished Fluttershy. Angel crossed his forelegs in defiance as Fluttershy trotted briskly to the door, opening it back up. A very confused-looking minotaur stood towering over the entrance to her home.

"Uhh, has Iron Will come at a bad time, Fluttershy?" the minotaur asked in a gravelly but calm voice. He hunched over, tapping his index fingers together nervously. Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice to see Will not trying to intimidate everyone within earshot for once.

"No, not at all, Iron Will," said Fluttershy, smiling. "Please, come in..." she began, before realizing her home might be a little cramped for him. "Oh! On second thought, wait just a moment, please." Fluttershy rushed back into her living area and returned seconds later with three pillows. She stepped outside of her home and shut the door, tossing two of the pillows to her guest and placing the third one beneath her.

"This should be more comfortable than the walkway," she said, and took a seat on the cushion. "So, what brings you back to Ponyville? I hope you’re not trying to reclaim your bits again, because I'm afraid the answer is still 'no'."

"Oh, no, I gave up on that long ago," said Will, nervously fussing with the cushions beneath him. "I just came here because I’m interested in... Wait, let me back up a little. You know that everyone in this village likes and respects you a lot, right?"

Fluttershy blushed deeply and made an adorable little squeaking sound. "I have many friends, yes," she admitted. "But there's no secret to it! You just have to think about the needs of others, and balance them carefully with your own needs. It feels good to help others. You should know that: you probably help people with those seminars you do."

Iron Will nodded. "Right, I get it. But I still think there’s more behind it. Little mare, you seem to have it all together. You're the only person who ever had the guts to stand up to me, yet you still seem so calm and collected. Now, I've made plenty of bits by marketing that confidence program, but sometimes I just feel empty after all the work I do," said Will, scratching his head behind one of his massive horns.

Fluttershy listened intently, resisting the urge to give him a big hug. That might make her feel better, but her practiced empathy told her it wasn't what he needed right now. "Please, go on."

"Right. Well, I was wondering if you know anything about, y'know, the 'meaning of life'. Like, what are we supposed to be doing here? I'm pretty sure there’s more to life than making bits and being awesome," he said, matter-of-factly, "I just don't know what it is."

Fluttershy suppressed a giggle, then regained her composure and spoke. "My goodness, that sounds like a very deep question, Mister Will." She paused and looked skyward for a moment, pondering the idea. The minotaur waited patiently for her to finish her thought.

About a minute passed, then Fluttershy looked back up to her guest, directly meeting his gaze. "I don’t know if something like that is going to be the same for everypony. Er, every creature, I mean," she added with a smile, "but there are many things worth living for. Friendship is one of the most important..."

"Okay, sure, that makes sense," he interrupted. "But how do you balance what you want with what your friends want?"

"Well, if you care about them, it comes naturally, I think. At least, it does to me. But if I had to pin things down to a single platitude, I guess I'd say the meaning of life boiled down to, 'Be kind, and avoid engaging in conflict.' And that's pretty much it," she said.

Iron Will snorted, looking doubtful. "Oh, come on, Fluttershy! And here I thought you were all done with being such a pushover."

Fluttershy shook her head in denial. "I didn’t say being a pushover was the meaning of life. I said 'avoid conflict'. Certainly there are times when you can’t avoid conflict, and there are even times when it’s a good idea, like if it can be used to a problem, or if it helps a friend in need. But I’d still have to say, 'Be kind, and avoid engaging in conflict whenever possible,' is about as close to the meaning of life that I can get," she said. "At least, that's the meaning of life for me."

An incredulous look crossed the minotaur's face for a moment, and then he burst into uproarious laughter. "Seriously? Avoid conflict? Are you for real, Fluttershy? Look, I'm sorry, little pony, but there is just no possible way that sidestepping strife is even a tiny part of the meaning of life. Conflict drives all of society! What you’re saying is, well, it's just impossible. I may not know the meaning of life myself, but I know for certain that 'avoid conflict' has nothing to do with it. Period." Iron Will crossed his massive arms and narrowed his eyes, leaning back in a defensive posture.

Fluttershy smiled sweetly, a mischievous twinkle in her eye, and simply responded: "Okay."

The minotaur’s eyes widened with dawning realization, as the serenity of the little pony before him shone like the Sun itself. She had complete control over the situation, not despite the fact that she had placed her needs and opinions beneath his, but because of it.

Iron Will stood up and bowed very solemnly. "Thank you, Fluttershy," he said softly, then turned and walked slowly away.

"Anytime, Will," she replied with a coy smile as she picked up her cushions. Before heading back inside, the little pony took a minute to watch her guest wander slowly away, lost in his thoughts.

Koan 6: Star Swirl's Beard

Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie stood in the Star Swirl the Bearded wing of the Royal Canterlot Library. At the moment, Twilight was a "hot unicorn mess" (a term she once overheard Rarity use) with nopony to blame but herself. Through her own neuroses, Twilight had unwittingly foisted upon herself the time-travel shenanigans responsible for her ridiculous appearance. Her mane had been straightened and burnt, her stretchy black ninja-style catsuit was torn in several places, and the eyepatch and head bandage she wore barely left room for her horn to poke out. Worst of all, her mentor Princess Celestia had passed this way recently, stopping just long enough to tease her about her appearance.

Spike clung rigidly to Twilight's back, already dozing. In addition to being tired, an awful tummy-ache left the little dragon in no condition to walk. Although Twilight hadn't slept in days herself, she didn't mind giving her friend a ponyback ride back to the train station.

Only Pinkie, the third member of their adventuring trio, seemed to be having a good time. She wore a rubber catsuit similar to Twilight's, and she twisted and bucked just for the thrill of feeling the stretchy fabric snugging tightly around her limbs and barrel.

"We have to do this again Twilight!" said Pinkie Pie. "This ninja stuff is great! Especially the cool outfits. Maybe we can look for somepony else's birthday present next?" Pinkie performed a skillful cartwheel in a not-so-skillful direction, plowing into a large stack of old books which fell all over her.

Twilight Sparkle sighed. "We should probably head home before we cause any more damage, Pinkie," she said, reaching out to pull her friend up by the hoof. As Pinkie emerged from beneath the book pile, she held fast to a large book with her mouth.

"Chk ths wwt, Twlt!" said Pinkie. She released the book from her mouth into Twilight's hoof. The cover bore a finely illuminated image of Star Swirl the Bearded. The unicorn was pictured wearing a large, navy blue hat patterned with star shapes and ridiculous sleigh bells dangling around the edges. His attire vaguely reminded Twilight of The Great and Powerful Trixie.

Twilight Sparkle had long suspected Trixie's getup was inspired by the famous wizard. At least Trixie has good taste in something, thought Twilight.

His beautiful long beard was indeed amazing to behold, in particular since ponies rarely grow beards. Twilight privately wondered if Star Swirl might have been part goat, though she'd never dare say it out loud. Star Swirl's beard was usually illustrated in white, but the cover of this book had it illuminated in a darker grey. This suggested it was one of his older works, from back when Celestia and Luna were still foals. She held the tome reverently up to her muzzle, reading the odd print that ran in a circular pattern around the edges of the book.

"Pinkie, I think this is an early autobiography of Star Swirl the Bearded! This is incredible! I never knew he wrote anything autobiographical when he was still a young stallion. Do you have any idea how rare this is?"

"Um, yeah! You just told me, silly!" said Pinkie.

"I'll bet it has lots of details about young Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! I need to read this right away, except," said Twilight, pausing for a deep yawn, "I'm much too tired to appreciate it at the moment, and this isn't the sort of book you just 'borrow' at a whim from the Royal Archives. I'll come back here and read it in a few days after I've finally had some rest."

"Sleep sounds like a great idea to me," said Pinkie. Then she furrowed her brow, turning her neck sideways so she could see the cover right-side up. "That's kind of weird," she said, tapping her rubber-clad hoof directly on the image of Star Swirl's obvious and impressive beard. "With a name like 'Star Swirl the Bearded', shouldn't he have a beard?"

Twilight Sparkle blinked a few times as the logical wheels turned in her mind, trying to understand her irrational friend. She was so tired that Pinkie's statement almost made sense to her, but after a moment Twilight gave up and rolled her eyes.

"Oh Pinkie, I just don't know what to do with you sometimes," said Twilight. Pinkie just smiled merrily back.

Twilight adjusted Spike on her back a bit so the little dyspeptic dragon wouldn't fall off. Then, as the two ponies turned and began to walk toward the hallway, they saw Princess Celestia once again standing at the entrance to the room.

"Don't mind me, my little ponies. It's not everyday I get the chance to catch my favorite student off her guard," the Princess said with a soft smile on her muzzle. "And it's always nice to watch friendship in action." Sensing Twilight's tiredness, she stepped aside to allow them egress. "Have a safe journey back to Ponyville. I assume I’ll be hearing all about your recent adventure soon."

"Thank you Princess," both little ponies said in unison, bowing their heads slightly. Twilight took the lead as they headed out, but the Princess stopped Pinkie Pie with a hoof, holding her back as Twilight walked further down the hall.

"Thank you for looking out for her, Pinkamena," whispered Celestia.

"No problem!" whispered Pinkie, but with so much gusto it wasn't very quiet. "Oh! Princess, may I ask you something about Future Twilight?"

Celestia's smile faded as she considered Pinkie's request. "Of course. However, I cannot guarantee you an answer without knowing the question," she said, her voice less quiet now that Twilight Sparkle had trotted off quite a ways. Twilight was apparently too exhausted and absorbed in her own thoughts to notice Pinkie's absence.

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie. "Here's my question: will Twilight Sparkle ever realize I'm not kidding when I say things to her?"

Then Celestia smiled again, a gesture Pinkie Pie eagerly copied. "Yes, Pinkie Pie. Someday she will understand what you're telling her. Please don't give up on her."

"Thanks! And no way I'd ever give up on Twilight," said Pinkie. "It's kind of a full-time job, but it's still fun!"

From down the hall, Twilight Sparkle looked around and began calling out for her absent friend. "Oh!" said Pinkie, "I'd better gallop. Catch you later Princess," she called back behind her as she began energetically pronking down the hallway. "I'm coming Twilight!" Pinkie Pie cried out, moving surprisingly fast in spite of her silly springing stride.

Princess Celestia smiled, momentarily reflecting on the distant past. She then turned her attention to the mess of books, calmly levitating each one back into the place where it would next need to be found.

Koan 9: Gift of the Moon

Zecora was one of very few sapient creatures to call the Everfree Forest home. As a talented survivalist, she had lived off of the land for many years before finally making contact with the ponies of nearby Ponyville. As much as she enjoyed her brief visits to the village, Zecora found great comfort in the solitude provided by her woodland home.

The Everfree Forest was a dangerous place to live. Fortunately, Zecora's training as a shaman and herbalist among the other zebras of her tribe had well-prepared her for her new home. Her extensive knowledge of magical wards, potions, and exotic flora and fauna both mundane and magical allowed her to live in harmony with the forest around her. Her charms were so strong that no magical beasts would dare approach her dwelling: an enormous cypress tree she had hollowed out and enchanted to keep it alive and vibrant, even as she lived within it.

Around and within her home stood tribal masks and other curios from her native land. These items had cultural significance to Zecora, but were only worth sentimental value. As a mare of modest needs, she had little use for monetary possessions apart for trade for essentials. Though highly skilled in alchemy, she typically chose not to sell her potions. She preferred instead to donate them to those in need, in exchange for a promise of future kindness in turn. Whether the kindness would be offered to her, or to somepony else, it mattered not.

The forest was normally safe to wander during the day, if a pony wisely kept to the marked paths. At night, however, it became very dangerous. Even during the daytime, few ponies besides her friends Twilight Sparkle and Apple Bloom would willingly enter the forest unless the need was dire. Zecora was understandably surprised, then, when late one night in the early Spring she heard hoofsteps coming from just outside her door.

The soft echo of a few hooffalls outside of Zecora's door roused her from her evening meditation. It sounded as though somepony was very gently tugging on her door handle. No candles were lit in her home, and anypony seeing the tree might well have assumed it abandoned, or its occupants asleep. Zecora opened her eyes and could see quite well in the relative darkness: one of her windows was open, the evening's Moon was pregnant and bright, and she was comfortable with the inky blanket of night here in the wild.

She adjusted her seat upon a bamboo matting, keeping one hoof on her staff where it lay beside her, and focused her attention toward the door as it jostled. Her initial concerns faded when she heard the distinct sound of fumbling hooves. This was no monster, but rather a simple somepony without the common courtesy to knock. Still, it was most unusual for anypony with any horse sense in them to wander this deep into the Everfree Forest in the middle of the night.

The door creaked slowly open, and in crept a bedraggled-looking pony covered all in rags. He had a stallion's muzzle, but was short and thin of frame. The rags were pulled tight in strips around his body and face, kind of like a makeshift mummy. Bits of furry pelt poking through the rags were smeared with dark ink or paint. The intruder held a candlestick in one hoof, and a knife in his mouth.

"Aaah!" he said, startled as the light from the candle reflected off of Zecora’s deep blue eyes shining back through the darkness. The knife landed on the floor. The pony picked it up with his free forehoof, and reared back onto two legs in an aggressive posture.

"Welcome to my home, intruder. Don’t you think not knocking’s ruder?" asked Zecora of her unexpected guest, careful as always to maintain her rhyming vow. As she turned her head slightly to the side, her Mohawk-styled striped mane reflected a mix of moonlight and candle-flame. Even in the dim lighting, it was clear she was no pony.

The unwelcome figure's legs trembled. He raised the knife, taking a step closer. "Gimme your valuables," he demanded in a whispery voice. Zecora's hoof tensed against her staff in preparation for a fight, but she suddenly felt a twinge of compassion grip her core. The rogue's nerves were obvious, and anypony willing to rob somepony this deep in the forest would have to either be desperate, or completely insane.

"The only treasures that I bring, are brass, in shape of metal ring," she said, pointing to the ritualistic brass rings which covered her leg and neck, as well as her earrings. The thief glanced around the open room in which Zecora lived, and saw she appeared to speak the truth. The contents of the room were wooden masks, clay jugs, simple hoof-made furniture, an iron cauldron, and some small stone and glassware for mixing reagents: nothing that could easily be fenced for bits. Even her brass jewelry couldn't be worth that much.

"Well... I guess, hoof over the jewelry," ordered the thief.

Zecora frowned. It was not a frown of anger or sadness, but one of pity. "This jewelry is not gold. Besides, it's too hard to pull off my hide," she said, illustrating by tugging on the rings, which held fast to her body. She had grown into the jewelry from a young age, and there was no easy way to remove it.

"Maybe you just don’t wanna take it off." Zecora's suspicions were confirmed, however, as the figure took a step backwards toward the door. This fellow clearly didn't have the heart to harm her for a little brass, and perhaps he also had the sense to realize the well-built and agile zebra mare would knock him cold if he tried anything.

She smiled softly and let down her guard, standing up. "If I could pull them off with ease, I'd gladly let my rings be seized,” she said. "You’ve come too far to leave with aught. You may take anything I've got," she offered, rearing up with her hooves spread wide to indicate the expanse of her home.

The burglar paused for a moment in disbelief. He looked around for something, anything of value, and spied Zecora's heavy brown cloak, which he grabbed and wrapped around himself. It couldn’t be worth much of anything, but at least it would provide some warmth. Returning the knife to his mouth, he turned about and cantered off on three legs without so much as a thank-you.

Zecora trotted up to her open door and stepped outside into the cool night air, watching the light of the robber's candle disappear into the woods. It was unseasonably cold for Spring, but here in the Everfree, the clouds moved of their own volition and weather was unpredictable. The loss of her cloak was unfortunate, yes, but it was only a material possession after all, and such things could be replaced. Living simply had long ago taught her the fleeting nature of physical things. Looking upward, she saw the beautiful Moon above, and thought of the poor pony who had stolen her cloak simply because she had nothing more of value to offer him.

"Beautiful Moon, up high tonight, who bathes the forest in your light. Too bad you're far above my head; I'd offer you to thieves instead," she said to herself with a smile, thinking what a fine present the Moon itself would be for such an unfortunate, wayward soul. Just then, the zebra heard a soft clopping sound come from above, and quickly wheeled about, expecting the thief's accomplice. Instead, she saw a tall and dark horse-shaped figure, wings spread, delicately balanced on a high branch of her tree. It was Princess Luna. Her magical mane and tail flowed and glimmered in the darkness like a galaxy of stars, and against the twinkling backdrop above it was difficult to tell where Luna ended and the night began.

"Thou... pardon me, you are the one named Zecora, I understand," spoke the Princess, her voice strong and confident even when she tried to soften it. "You are a strange and generous equine indeed," she continued. "I bore witness to an unusual pony wandering about the woods in the middle of my Night, and so I followed him to this place. Prior to hearing your eloquent poem just now, I was to pray if you should like your cloak returned from the ruffian. Yet, you seem to be at peace with your loss."

Zecora nodded, bowing, and smiled. "My Princess; thanks for your concern. But I'll be fine, I do discern," she insisted.

Luna nodded her head and looked up to the Moon with a bright smile and misty eyes. "It is truly beautiful, is it not, Zecora? Perhaps the best part of my job is being able to give it up to all of Equestria, each and every evening. Whether a pony be noble or knave, all receive the same gift, if only they choose to look upwards and see it for its beauty. The Moon judges not the hearts of ponies: it is simple and good to all, like water, or fine grass. There is something special in that, I find," she said, her voice growing wistful. "Something noble in that which is good to all creatures, without regard for their virtue or station."

Zecora nodded, and stood there admiring the beautiful Moon above with the Princess, in silence. After a couple of minutes, her flanks grew chilly in the night air. She then turned back to face her second guest of the evening, who remained steady on her delicate perch. "It is quite chilly, out, for me. I must retire to bed, you see. I thank you for your lovely Moon, and hope again to see you soon," she said, bowing with a smile.

Luna smiled back, hiding a blush beneath the umbra of her cheeks. "Good night to you, Zecora,” she said.

However, before Zecora could re-enter her home, Princess Luna turned her horn to the sky and began to cast a spell. As her horn glowed a soft blue in the darkness, thin ribbons of night sky and soft strands of moonlight above her appeared to come alive. Drifting downward to the zebra, the wispy strands of darkness and light twisted and weaved themselves together, gradually forming a dark, shimmering fabric in the shape of a cloak. After a few moments, the ethereal cloth fluttered to the ground at her hooves.

The zebra lifted the strange gift to her eyes. It was very warm and soft to the touch, and it sparkled ever-so-slightly as it moved. She looked up to the alicorn princess in order to thank her, but the words, or perhaps the rhymes, would not come to her lips. Princess Luna merely grinned at her dumbstruck friend. "Now you have something nice to offer the next thief who so rudely troubles you," she said with a wink, and quickly launched herself up into the sky with powerful wings before their closing conversation could become awkward.

Koan 10: What Moves You

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash sat together leaning against a large apple tree at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. They were drinking fresh, homemade cider from large wooden mugs after their successful barreling of a record volume of the sweet, mildly alcoholic treat.

"This cider is so good, Applejack," said Pinkie Pie, groaning in bloated pleasure as she drank deeply from her twentieth pint. Her tummy bulged slightly from all the juicy liquid inside. Normally cider doesn’t affect ponies much, especially earth ponies with their larger mass and stamina, but Pinkie was starting to sound more than a little tipsy after chugging so much of the concoction all at once. Her curly mane bobbed in the air with every big sip.

Applejack nodded in agreement. "Shore is," she said with a grin. She pulled her braid around her neck and adjusted her cowpony hat to block out more of the Sun. "And there ain't nothin' better than sharin' it with two best friends," she added, with a gentle sigh.

"Hear... (gulp) ...hear," said Rainbow Dash, gasping between generous swigs. Her wings spread firmly up against the tree as she downed another quarter of a mug. After each big swallow, her wings would return to their folded position against the barrel of her midriff. She was drinking so quickly, she almost dipped her bangs into the liquid each time she leaned forward for another quaff. Dash rarely made it to the annual pressing in time to have any cider at all, so this year was a special treat for her and she wasn't about to waste it.

"We'll have to hire y'all to help us next year so we can meet the high demand, actually. That way you won't miss any cider 'neither, Dashie," said Applejack. "I s'pose those pennants flappin' in the wind on our little cider stand are probably overkill, since everypony already knows when and where we hold this shindig. But it fancies up the place some, which is nice. Nothin' wrong with a little marketing," she said.

Rainbow Dash gasped again, lifting her head high as though coming up for air. "Y-yeah. Though... maybe it's the cider talking, but that pennant... Maybe it's not moving it all, you know? Maybe it's like, the wind that's moving, and the pennant is just, um, going along for the ride," she wondered aloud. Despite her enthusiasm for the drink, her sleepy eyes betrayed just how exhausted she was from all the hard work she'd done helping Applejack's brother press hundreds of overripe apples into the fresh brew.

Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Huh, now that's a question," she said. "Is the pennant moving, or is it the wind? Or maybe it's both of them, kinda? I guess the wind gets the pennant to move, so maybe it's more the wind after all." Applejack yawned, feeling very tired herself.

Pinkie Pie inhaled sharply in shock and slammed her most recently finished mug to the ground beside her, startling them both. "You guys. You guys! It's not the wind or the pennant that's moving!" she exclaimed.

"Uh, are you sure, Pinkie?" said Rainbow Dash. "What else could it be? I mean, we can see the pennant moving, and we can feel the wind moving," she said. Rainbow shook her head back and forth as she finished her response, though it wasn't obvious if this was a contrary reaction or just an attempt to shake out the sleepy cobwebs.

"No, trust me on this one! Close your eyes for a moment," said Pinkie, and both of her friends did. "The pennant's still moving even though you can't see it, right? And even if the breeze over there isn't also here where we can feel it, the pennant can still be moving..."

Applejack opened her eyes and blinked, while Rainbow Dash continued to rest her lids and murmured as though she were about to fall asleep. "Okay, that makes some sense I guess," said Applejack. "I don't quite get what else is moving, though."

"It's eashy, shilly filly!" said Pinkie Pie, her words slurring a little. She coughed, then paused for a moment to regain her speech. "The moving is in your head. It’s your mind that’s moving,” she explained. Hearing this, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and furrowed her brow.

"Eh, I don't know about that Pinkie. I mean, the pennant moves whether or not we're here to see it, don't you think?" Her wings flexed as she copied Applejack's yawn.

"Maybe! But the opposite might be true, too: the pennant can move even when it's not there! You can close your eyes and imagine the pennant just as clearly as you can see it, right? So that's where the moving has to happen," said Pinkie, now bubbling over with excitement. "I mean, you're seeing it move because you're thinking about what your eyes tell you, but it works the same way even if it's not there at all, because we can imagine what it would look like. And, actually... There might not even be a pennant at all..."

But just then, Pinkie Pie heard a soft rumbling sound beside her. Rainbow Dash was snoring. Her two friends were both asleep against the tree, unconsciously leaning against each other for support.

Pinkie Pie stifled a hiccup, then giggled. "Aww, so cute! Well, when in Roan,” she whispered, pulling both ponies even closer together. She smiled and cuddled up nice and warm against her two sleepy friends in order to catch some shuteye herself, where in her dreams, anything could truly be real.

Koan 11: Daring Do's Last Stand

Daring Do raced along the edge of a cliff, a bloodthirsty tiger hot on her tail. As she galloped for her life, she kept a keen eye on the edge of precipice, trying not to be distracted by the approaching sound of sharp claws raking the earth behind her. Initially she'd hoped the cliffside might slow down the predator, but the tiger's superb reflexes kept him on track without missing a beat.

While the intrepid explorer was no stranger to peril, this was a dire situation even by her standards. Both of her wings had been injured in a recent accident, so she had no hopes of flying or even gliding to safety. She'd lost her trusty whip down a crevasse about half a mile back. Worst of all, her legs ached and she hadn't slept in two days. It took every ounce of her strength to keep moving, and she was rapidly running out of steam.

At the edge of exhaustion, she spotted a thick, dry vine which dropped off the edge of the cliff. Steeling herself, she pulled down on the brim of her pith helmet with one hoof and leaped over the edge. Daring Do reached out with her left foreleg to grapple the vine, twisting it around her ankle and shoulder to slow her descent. Her other forehoof tugged hard on the edge of the vine, and her rear hooves dug into the muddy surface of the cliff. The combined action from all four legs slowed and finally halted her descent, just before reaching the end of the plant growth. She quickly estimated she'd slid about thirty hooves down from the top of the cliff.

The tiger paced and raged above her, but he was intelligent enough to avoid damaging the vine from which his would-be prey was hanging. Daring Do breathed a tentative sigh of relief, tugging at a tear in her clothing with her free hoof.

"I'm getting too old for this," she grumbled.

Despite the mood, she managed to crack a smile, briefly pausing to consider her long and storied career of adventure. She knew she wouldn't have things any other way, even if there were moments of excessive danger like this one that she could gladly do without.

Daring's left foreleg was sore where the vine had burned it from the slide, and the segment of vine holding her up was wrapped about it painfully tightly. At least her grip was secure (for now). The cliff was vertical and muddy, offering her no hoofholds at all, so the vine was her only remaining lifeline.

It was then that Daring looked beneath her and almost wished she hadn't. The good news was that the drop was short enough she might survive it, though she'd probably break all four of her legs in the process. The bad news was the second tiger waiting for her at the base of the cliff. The tigress below licked her jowls hungrily, waiting for her inevitable meal to arrive.

"Well, this sucks," she said to herself, adjusting her weakening grip. "Maybe I can tie my arm to the vine and wait them out?" Just then, Daring Do heard an odd squeaking sound coming from above her head. Her attention turned to the vine above her. At first she didn't see anything other than the first tiger preventing her ascent, not that it mattered. She lacked the strength to climb back up even if her life depended on it.

After a moment of observation, she spotted two tiny mice, one snow white and the other coal black, both near the top of the cliff. They were slowly chewing through the vine from which she hung! They were probably using strands of the vine as bedding for their den in the cliffside.

"Oh, shoo! Please, little mice," she begged horsely, but they didn't appear to notice her. The vine above began to peel into smaller strips. Daring Do realized she had a few minutes left to live, tops. Her exhaustion left her with no avenues of escape. "I wonder if anypony will ever know what became of me. There probably won't be so much as a shred of a cutie mark left to identify my remains."

Just then, something very strange hit her senses, something she had never before experienced in the face of danger. Perhaps it was the inevitability of her current fate, or maybe it was just how exhausted she found herself. Either way, the adrenaline simply trickled out of her veins. The pegasus pony’s muscles relaxed and her mind cleared. She realized that she did have an option: she could accept her fate. In the end, it didn’t really matter how she died, or whether or not ponies from the outside world found what was left of her. What mattered is how she lived, and this was something that she was at peace with.

With this paradigmatic shift in mindset, the world around Daring Do seemed to undergo a remarkable change. No longer focused on survival, the sky became a brighter shade of blue. The air smelled a dozen times sweeter. She looked across at the expanse of jungle: how beautiful it was, so lush and green and teeming with life! She smiled and simply acquiesced to the moment. How long had she missed all the beauty which surrounded her? And as she glanced at the muddy cliff side, she noticed another detail her senses had previously passed over: it was a grapevine she hung from. There were thin stems from grape bunches all along the vine, though the mice had eaten most of the grapes already. A single grape, too small to possibly be ripe, just barely lay within Daring’s reach. She stretched upward with her free hoof and gently plucked it from the vine.

At any other time, Daring Do might have hurled the tiny grape at the tigress below her in a futile gesture of defiance, but her concerns at this moment no longer lay rooted in the future. There was no future, she realized, and there was no past. Everything that mattered was right here, in the present. So she popped the grape right into her mouth, her mind free of desires and expectations.

It was the most delicious thing she’d ever tasted.

Koan 12: Shining Armor's Spear

A few years before the return of Nightmare Moon, Shining Armor was advancing quickly through the ranks of the Royal Guard. Like his younger sister Twilight Sparkle he'd made a name for himself with his exceptional skill at magic. Shining had recently completed his degree in magical combat through the Royal Training Corps, and his telekinetic aim with a spear rivalled that of the most elite warriors in Equestria. He also had a strong hoofball-throwing arm in the unlikely event he ever needed to throw a pony-sized object.

Shining Armor had attained the highest enlisted rank in Canterlot: Command Sergeant of the Royal EUP Guard (Unicorn Division 3). In order to progress further, he would need to be commissioned as an Officer of the Guard. Commissions were hoof-selected by the Captain of the Guard and approved by Princess Celestia herself. Shining Armor held out hope that one day he would be an Officer, but he was realistic about his chances: most Officers were not selected until they'd had years of field experience. The current Captain of the Guard was a few years from retirement, so Shining Armor knew he would more likely be selected by the Captain's successor. This was rather unfortunate. He'd worked very hard to impress the Captain, and Shining believed he'd made a good impression on the stallion.

In the meantime, Shining Armor was anything but idle. He continued to study advanced magic theory and discipline his body through rigorous athletics. Being an Officer would be useful because it would bring new challenges and new responsibilities, but there was already plenty of work for him to do as a Command Sergeant. Shining Armor took great pride in his work, and his family was very proud of him. Besides, he was currently steady with an alicorn princess, so he really had nothing to complain about.

One evening, Shining Armor received an unusual summons.

He galloped across the training grounds and slowed to a canter as he approached his First Lieutenant, Shining's heavy armor clinking with each step. It was a warm evening in early Autumn, and it was uncommon to be called upon by a superior in the evening hours while off-duty. He walked up to a distance of eight hooves from her, saluted, and stood at attention.

The First Lieutenant of Shining Armor's battalion was a grey unicorn mare. Mares are rare in the Guard, as they tend to clever but physically weaker than stallions. But the First Lieutenant was an exception who outclassed most of her troops: she was highly muscular and pushed herself constantly to improve her physique further. Additionally, she was excellent at identifying logical flaws in a soldier's thinking, and so her instruction was highly regarded. She frequently tested Shining Armor in tricky ways, seeing if she could elicit an error in her star recruit. She rarely succeeded, but this only encouraged her to push him harder.

"At ease, Sergeant," the First Lieutenant crisply stated, and Shining relaxed ever-so-slightly. "I know you're off-duty this evening, and I hope I haven't called you from that mare you've been seeing recently."

"I… er, that's just my sister's old foal-sitter, sir," he began, then noticed the severity of the Lieutenant's glare. "But yes, she is a very close friend," he added.

"That's fine, Shining Armor. What you do on your off-time is your business as long as it does not interfere with your work. Besides, my observations of your private life are confidential," she said, and Shining Armor breathed a sigh of relief. Dating a princess wasn't easy to keep quiet.

The First Lieutenant noisily cleared her throat. "Speaking of work: I have a special request to make of you that goes beyond the boundaries of your typical assignments," she said, with just a hint of teasing in her voice.

"Yes sir," Shining Armor barked to his superior. She did not respond immediately, and he did his best to be patient. Insatiable curiosity was a trait he shared with his sister, one he needed to keep curbed most of the time.

Finally, she spoke. "I need you to test two new recruits to see if they are prepared for admission. They are alone in the meditation stables. Use whatever method you think is best," she said, and nodded her head at a spear near Shining Armor's feet, a possible offering.

Shining Armor thought for a moment, then levitated the spear to his side. It was an honor for a Guard at his station to be given the authority to review a recruit, let alone two. "Right away, sir," he said, then trotted off toward the meditation stables, spear floating alongside him. He resisted expressing gratitude or promising results, as his First Lieutenant was always business when wearing the Royal Uniform of her rank. And even though this was surely an honor, it was just as surely another test of his mettle.

Prior to entering service, all of the young recruits for military duty were required to study the writings of Commander Hurricane on the art of war. Commander Hurricane was a pegasus stallion who lived more than a thousand years ago, back when the three tribes of ponies were first uniting. His strategies in battle were unmatched, and his contributions to pony defense helped put Equestria on the map. One of the most important elements of his philosophy was in understanding that all conflicts represented a false dichotomy: there were not really two sides to any conflict, but only a single side being looked at from different points of view. In order to understand the enemy, one must first be able to see them as one sees oneself. New recruits were not considered fit for service until they truly understood the falseness of the "other" mentality.

Upon entering the stables, Shining Armor saw two rather young earth ponies, each seated in a lotus position: one colt and one filly, just barely old enough to enlist in the Junior Corps. As he stepped closer, he noticed their ears perk up. It was clear they had heard his approach, given the noisy clinking of his armor. They could certainly hear the soft humming sound of his levitated weapon, as well. However, the recruits neither rose to their hooves nor opened their eyes. Unless expressly ordered to cease meditating, a good recruit would know they had no reason to falter in their task.

Shining knew very well that any new recruit must be prepared to face death, must be calm in the face of danger, and above all, must understand the false duality of conflict itself. He knew the test he would employ.

He carefully drained all signs of emotion from his voice as he spoke. "I am Shining Armor, Command Sergeant of the Royal Guard," he announced to the pair, who continued to keep their eyes closed. "I am armed with a spear. If you speak a word to me, I shall run you through with my spear, and you shall die." He paused for one moment, watching the two ponies closely. "Also, if you do not speak a word to me, I shall run you through with my spear, and you shall die." Having delivered the impossible ultimatum, he stood in silence, the only sound in the well-insulated stables being the eerie hum of his magic.

Without speaking, Shining Armor waited there before them, carefully watching the foals maintain their quiet meditation. Initially, he spied the tiniest bit of trembling coming from each of them. It was so small as to be obvious only to his practiced eye, but it subsided within a few seconds. After several minutes passed without a sound from the serene recruits, he smiled to himself and exited the stables, leaving the pair to their mental training.

Quickly he cantered back to the First Lieutenant, who was standing right where he'd left her.

"At ease," she ordered, after the customary attention and salute. "Now, tell me, Sergeant. What did you do, and are these recruits prepared to begin the next stage of their training?" she asked.

Shining Armor relayed the story of his actions as objectively as he could, without explaining the motivation behind them. "I believe they are ready for training, Lieutenant," he said.

The First Lieutenant pursed her lips in thought. "An interesting test, and an interesting response. Perhaps so," she said, and could not suppress a slight smirk from gracing one side of her muzzle. "But you have only told me one side of the story: yours. What about their side of things?" she asked. "Now, tell me what you think of that."

Shining Armor momentarily looked down at the ground, a rare act when addressing a superior officer, then breathed in sharply as though preparing for a rush to combat. "If that is truly your concern, sir," he said coldly, "then my recommendation is different. I would recommend they are ready for training... but not under you." Despite the severity of his insubordinate suggestion, he looked his superior square in the eye, unflinching in determination.

The First Lieutenant stood silent for a few moments, then suddenly burst out with a laugh! It was a strangely feminine sound, something that seemed unnatural coming from her. "Excellent," she said with a smile, her voice filled with unusual softness. The Sergeant relaxed quite a bit, exhaling slowly in relief and scratching at the edges of his mane with a hoof.

"You'll have my job someday, you know that don't you?" she told Shining Armor as she motioned for him to follow her. She was trotting back toward the meditation stables.

"I'd be lying if I said I had no ambition," he admitted. "But it will probably be a long time before I get commissioned." The two arrived at the stables, but the mare stopped near the entrance.

"Maybe sooner than you think, son. Based on my recommendation from this last test, the Captain is ready to sign you on as an Officer. It's not completely official yet, of course—but welcome to the rank of Second Lieutenant," she said, her voice returning to its usual solemn tone. "Oh, and those will be your first two recruits for you to field out to your staff. Congratulations, Shining Armor. I'll see you tomorrow at daybreak, and by this time next week everything should be finalized." His superior trotted off briskly toward the armory lockers, without another word.

This time, it was Shining Armor who stood silently in thought, uncertain of what to do when faced with the unknown. But after a minute of contemplation and an quiet but energetic hoof-pump, he opened the door to the meditation area, ready to make a less lethal introduction to his new recruits.

"So awesome. I can't wait to tell Twily," he murmured to himself, bravely fighting back a stallionly tear as he attended to his new duties.

Koan 13: Teaching Without Words

Foal instructor Cheerilee had earned a reputation for her ability to teach her little ponies complex concepts, both educational and social. At one point in her career, rumors began to circulate that she had developed a deep wisdom which far exceeded that of the average earth pony. While such a thing might be expected for a college professor in philosophy, it was a remarkable reputation for a humble grade-school teacher. Cheerilee knew of the unusual gossip, but she paid it no heed. Those sorts of value judgments always seemed silly to her.

It was a warm Summer afternoon in the Ponyville schoolhouse. Cheerilee was giving speech lessons to Peppermint Twist, one of her younger students. The little perlino earth pony adjusted her horn-rimmed glasses and sighed sadly after several failed attempts at a sentence filled with sibilants. "I just canth do it, Mith Cheerilee," she lisped, her face downcast and glum.

Cheerilee hugged Twist gently. "It's okay, Twist. Things aren't hopeless just because they're hard to do. In fact, most things in life worth doing are hard! You may not notice it yet, but you improve every time we work together," she said.

Twist’s curly mane bobbed about her face as she shook her muzzle. "Well, maybe," she said, a slight smile breaking the surface. Cheerilee was always so compassionate and understanding, she thought. Twist would probably come up with an excuse to see her favorite teacher even if she didn't have a stupid speech impediment to work on.

The schoolhouse door creaked open, and into the room trotted Filthy Rich, prominent entrepreneur of Ponyville. He was always business, and usually more than a little stressed out. Cheerilee noticed that today he seemed far more relaxed than usual, even though he wore his usual business lapel-and-tie combo.

"Just a moment, Twist," Cheerilee soothed, and trotted over to him. "Hello, Rich. Are you here about Diamond Tiara?" she inquired.

"Heh. Not today, Cheerilee, unless she's in trouble again. It's not easy raising a filly with all the distractions of wealth around. Sometimes I think I spoil the little dear, but she's just so adorable," he said, running a hoof along his slicked-back black mane.

Twist watched wide-eyed from her seat. She'd been interested in Diamond Tiara's father ever since he told the story of their family during the school's recent Family Appreciation Day. It took a special sort of pony to make bits in the way that he did, she realized. Most of the other students couldn't see the value in that sort of talent, but Twist could. She had been helping out with her family business as far back as she could recall, and while they weren't as successful at making confectioneries as the Cakes, many of their treats sold alongside the Cakes's specialties at Sugarcube Corner itself. These even included Twist's specialty: candy-canes made from the work of her own four hooves.

"Adorable she is. Give her time, though. Foals will be foals."

"Yes, yes," said Rich, nodding, "but, anyway. I'm here because I hear you have... how can I say it? Everypony around town says you have a special sort of wisdom beyond your years."

Cheerilee suppressed a blush. "Well, I wouldn't know anything about that," she said plainly, with a curious half-smile worthy of the Roana Lisa.

Filthy Rich leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. "Please, impart to me something serene, teacher," he asked in a soft, reverent voice. "Something I heard once, how does it go... Tell me how a pony can teach without speaking, yet at the same time, without silence?" he asked the cryptic riddle, then leaned back, expectantly, studying Cheerilee's face very closely.

The teacher maintained her calm appearance, expression unchanging, gaze unblinking: offering no response other than to continue being herself. The pair stood there in a silent staring contest for so many moments that Twist had to bite down on her tongue to keep the suspense from making her cry out. Then, suddenly, Filthy Rich's eyes opened wide, and he bowed deeply.

"Thank you Master," he said politely, and trotted out.

Twist quickly rose to her hooves and cantered over to her teacher. "Oh! Mith Cheerilee! Whaddya teach him?" she asked. "Or, ith it one of thothe, umm, adult thingth...?"

Cheerilee smiled broadly and shook her head. "Don't repeat this, dear... Do you remember when Diamond Tiara ended up in detention every day for a week, and after that she'd sit up straight and stop goofing off if I even looked at her funny?" she said, and giggled. "Some horses will run at the mere shadow of a whip."

Twist looked confused for a moment, but then her face lit up. "Ohhhhh. You mean he's looking for answers so hard he'll take anything you give him? But what if he comes back and wants a real answer?"

"Hmm. Well, I guess I'll have to figure out what to say when that happens. And speaking of teaching without words, you realize you just said all that perfectly, yes?"

Twist gasped. "Oh, thyoot! And it wath right when I thtopped lithening to mythelf," the poor filly moaned.

Her teacher simply smiled and said nothing.

Koan 14: The Fountain

Sheriff Silverstar nosed aside the soft curtain and stepped halfway into the dimly-lit velvet tent. Inside, a large crystal ball sat on a pedestal in the middle of a small, cloth-covered table. Behind the table sat a young earth pony mare, her mane and tail so shockingly magenta they almost seemed to glow in the dim lighting. She wore an ostentatious but cheap-looking turban inset with plastic gems.

"Hello in there?" said the Sheriff, removing his hat politely. His mustache hid most of his mouth from view, which muted his expression, providing him with a natural poker-face.

The mysterious mare's eyes lit up at the sight of her new guest. "Oh! Hello there, Sheriff! Er, I mean," she stopped herself, coughing, and lowered her high-pitched voice a register. "Hello Sheriff Silverstar. I've been... expecting you. Welcome to my tent of mystery," she intoned in a spooky voice. Acting was fun, Pinkie thought! She grinned in a wide and not-so-mysterious manner.

The Sheriff seemed surprised at the mention of his name, but his badge and matching cutie mark were enough to give his name away to a lucky guess. Pinkie could tell he didn't recognize her from when they'd met in Appleloosa. She figured it must be the lighting, or maybe because she wasn't wearing a dancing-filly dress with fishnet stockings this time.

Then again, she was wearing fishnets under her Mystical Robe of Kismet, she thought to herself. Pinkie had named her robe just in case anypony asked about it, which they never did. She figured that these important little touches were something a pony should do to be a successful medium, like removing the price tag from her turban. Why do they call it a "medium", anyhow? She'd always thought of herself as more of a large, and... Oops! The sheriff was already talking. I should listen, she thought.

"…which means you must be this 'Madame Pinkie Pie'. I can see that what they all say about you, incredible though it sounds, must actually be true!" the Sheriff finished, his voice filled with awe. While Pinkie was zoned out, he had trotted the rest of the way into the tent and up to her table. He glanced around at the many strange devices hanging from the side supports of her tent. Madame Pinkie's tools of the trade appeared to include sticks of incense, strange crystals, a rubber ball labeled "for emergencies", a few tufts of hay, strange musical instruments, black eye-patches, and… was that a rubber chicken? Additionally, there seemed to be a flowerpot dangling precariously by a few thin strands of silk, suspended right there in front of the entryway. The Sheriff had carefully sidestepped it, just to be safe.

"Yes, of course. Everything you just said makes perfect sense," said Madame Pinkie, bluffing that she'd been listening. "And, um, just to be very clear, for the spirits I mean, what brings you into my parlor today? Though it's more of a tent than a parlor."

The Sheriff cleared his voice and took a deep breath. "I've visited a number of wise ponies throughout various parts of Equestria. Since I came here to visit with the Mayor and a couple of friends in the Apple family, I figured I might as well hit up your tent. Nearly half the town mentioned you by name, Madame Pinkie," he explained in a hushed voice. "Ponies here in Ponyville all seem to agree that you have an amazing skill with the arcane, despite being a simple earth pony like myself."

The Sheriff was being oddly soft-spoken. Pinkie Pie momentarily wondered if she was intimidating him too much. But he seemed to be enjoying the little game as much as she was, so she decided to keep up the act. "Oh yes!" she acknowledged. "I do see the future, and the past, and all that good stuff. And I can see the present even better still," she bragged. "Especially if it's a future present. But I'm guessing that's not what you're here for, is it?" she hinted, raising a brow.

"I don't know what a 'future present' is, but no. I'm here to ask the same question I ask of all wise ponies: what is the meaning of life?"

Madame Pinkie giggled. "Oh, that! That one's easy. It's a fountain," she said, plainly but definitively. Her guest furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I don't understand. What exactly about it is a fountain?" he asked.

Madame Pinkie held out her hooves, gesturing all around her. "Life! Life is a fountain," she insisted, nodding her head several times. "That's just all there is to it."

Slowly, Sheriff Silverstar pondered the odd response. His mouth opened silently for a few seconds as he waited for the words to form, and then he spoke. "Wait, wait just a minute… now I'm beggin' your pardon, ma'am, but that doesn't explain anything! I asked half the ponies in town to direct me to a wise pony, they all sent me here, and all you got to say is, 'Life is a fountain'? I mean… that's all I get?" he asked, sounding a little hurt.

Pinkie's eyes widened, and she let out a large, exaggerated gasp. "Wait… Are you telling me that… that life isn't a fountain after all? Ohmygosh!" she exclaimed, hooves pressed against her cheeks in total surprise.

The poor Sheriff looked more confused than ever. "Well, I, um, I just don't see how it could be, exactly. It just doesn't make sense," he offered meekly. He scratched nervously at the side of his straight black mane with a hoof.

For a few seconds, Pinkie pursed her lips and looked upwards. "Well, I guess life is not a fountain, then!" she giggled, then smiled brightly. Her unsatisfied customer looked like he was just about to turn tail and walk out in dismay, when she quickly tacked on, "But then again, now that I think about it: I'd bet you'd have responded the same way to any quickie answer, whether it was right or not. Don'cha think?" she asked, cocking her head cutely. "If the meaning of life was so obvious you would know it the moment you heard it, you probably wouldn't need somepony else to tell you!"

Sheriff Silverstar paused for a moment, then chuckled out loud. "Heh, well, I guess that's probably true. I can't really think of an answer that would do the trick, I just keep hopin' there's some easy secret I'm missing that somepony less simple than me might get to. It's kinda depressing, but maybe there isn't a simple answer for a question like that."

"Depressing is bad," said Madame Pinkie, with a pout. "I bet there really is an answer, but if there is, it's gotta be one that comes from within you, especially with all that seeking you did. The people you ask may help, but your answer isn't going to come from inside their heads," she said. Before the older pony could fully process what Pinkie was saying, she randomly shifted gears. "Oh! There's something I forgot, something very important," she added, and began waving her forehooves around the crystal ball in front of her.

"What is it?" the Sheriff asked, looking into the cloudy bauble with great curiosity.

"When I look into the mystical orb of fate, I see, I see… that you're getting a kick-flank present on your next birthday! Woohoo!" Pinkie Pie said excitedly, and clapped her hooves.

The Sheriff chuckled. "Well, that's actually kind of funny. Y'see, turns out today is my birthday," he admitted.

"Great! Did you like your present?" Pinkie asked softly, with a sly grin.

Sheriff Silverstar's jaw dropped half-open, then he simply blushed and nodded. "Thank you, Madame Pinkie," he said, then bowed and stepped out of the tent.

Once her guest had left, Pinkie pie quickly leaned outside of the tent and placed a "Spirits Out To Lunch" sign on the opening flaps. "I'll have to run to Sweet Apple Acres and grab Applejack if I'm going to pounce the Sheriff with a surprise birthday party before he leaves town!" she resolved, her cheery mood as bubbly as the waters of a mighty fountain.

Koan 0: Two Burdens

Big Macintosh and Spike were walking past Rarity's Carousel Boutique on the way to Sweet Apple Acres. The ground was muddy from last night's rain. Spike noticed Rarity standing a few paces from the entrance to her shop, wearing a fancy gown.

"Hay, Mac," said Spike, pointing out Rarity. The mare appeared nervous to cross a patch of mud, lest it ruin her dress. She stood on tiphoof, eyeing the mud carefully as though pondering a jump.

Spike watched as his large friend walked over to Rarity and kneeled before her. Rarity carefully climbed atop his withers, and then Mac walked her through the mud and dropped her off on the stoop in front of her store. Rarity thanked him and entered her shop.

Spike burned with envy as Big Mac returned to his side. The pair continued walking, and as Spike's mind obsessed over his crush, the muscles in his back and shoulders tensed up. His normally brisk walking speed slowed. Mac slowed down with him to be polite. After a short while, Spike sighed dejectedly.

"You okay?" asked Big Macintosh.

"I'm fine... I just wish I were big and strong like you," he said. "You carried Rarity on your back like she was a pair of empty saddlebags! How do you handle such large burdens?" he asked.

Big Mac stopped in his tracks. "Well, it wasn't hard," he said, looking down to his friend. "I only had to carry her a few steps, which ain't much at all. But you managed to carry her all the way here." He pointed to the tension in Spike's shoulders and smiled, prompting a blush from the little dragon.

Spike cleared his mind of the obsessive thoughts and the weight suddenly lifted from him. He quickly picked up his pace and the pair continued their journey.

Koan 7: Tank's Shell

Rainbow Dash lounged beneath a tree at Ponyville Park, feeding her pet tortoise Tank some tasty lettuce leaves. Tank's flying equipment sat off to the side during his lunch break. Next to it was a small cardboard box Dash had brought with her in case she needed to carry him home.

Scootaloo sat beside her heroine, idly petting Tank's head as he slowly chewed his food. "Rainbow Dash," she asked, "what’s it like to be up there, flying faster than anypony else?"

"Well, it's awesome, of course!" said Rainbow Dash, with a grin. "There's this rush of adrenaline: the air pounds against you, fighting you, but it still can't hold you back. It's a lot like winning against the entire sky! But words can only describe so much. It's something you have to experience for yourself to understand."

"I want to feel that someday," she whispered quietly, looking up to the sky.

"You will, kid! One way or another," said Rainbow Dash, scruffing Scootaloo’s mane with her hoof. "Don’t they teach you anything about pegasi in school?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always the best student," admitted Scootaloo. "I'm always wondering about stuff, and I have a hard time paying attention. I feel like I won't understand anything about flying until I know how it all works. Like, why can we walk on clouds? Why is the sky that light blue color? How do clouds move around in the places we don't control?"

Rainbow Dash scrunched her muzzle up for a moment in thought. "Well, I dunno, kid. Those are Twilight Sparkle questions. I get curious too, which is why it's useful being best friends with an egghead," she said. "But maybe that's part of the problem. Facts are important, but flying is something you just have to learn by doing. When Twilight needs help learning some new aerial trick, she comes to me instead of a book. It's a different kind of smarts."

Scootaloo ran her hoof along Tank's hard shell, distracted even while Dash was talking. "Most animals cover their bones with their skin, and this guy covers his whole body with a hard shell. Why is that?"

Dash narrowed her eyes for a moment. "Well, why is his shell covered by a cardboard box?" she asked, flipping the box so it landed over the tortoise.

"Uh, because you just put it there?" said Scootaloo, wrinkling her brow.

Dash shook her head. "No, you're not getting the idea yet. Look, Scoots... Tank doesn't know the answers to any of these questions, and look how awesome he is at being able to use that shell," she said, as Tank poked his head out from under the box and very slowly began to smile. "When I do a Sonic Rainboom, if I try to do it, it ain't gonna happen. It only happens when I let go of questions and the need to know stuff, and just let my body do its thing. Some stuff in life you can't overthink. I mean, it's more like the Rainboom does me, than the other way around. That took forever for me to learn, but pretty much all flying is like that."

Scootaloo smiled, her wings buzzing excitedly. "I guess I need to stop worrying so much about it," she said.

"That's the spirit, kid," said Rainbow Dash, giving the filly a hug.

Koan 8: Show Them All

Canterlot was the first stop on "The Humble and Penitent Trixie's Equestrian Apology Tour". After the show, The Great and Powerful Trixie was granted a rare audience with Princess Celestia. She appeared before the Court in her trademark overstated hat and cape, prepared to rub knees with the upper crust.

There were several unicorns currently socializing with the Princess. Trixie smirked: this was her chance to impress nobility. Then again, "impression" wasn't really her goal. She just wanted these ponies to know that she was better than they were.

Trixie performed a number of parlor tricks to light applause, although some of the onlookers rolled their eyes during her self-praising patter. Afterwards, Trixie trotted right up to the Princess, seemingly unfazed by her stature or station, and interrupted a conversation she was having with another guest. Nearby, a member of the Royal Guard held his spear at the ready.

"Grrrrrreetings, Princess Celestia," said Trixie, with an exaggerated bow.

"Please pardon me," Princess Celestia said to her other guest. "Thank you for your audience here this evening, Great and Powerful Trixie. Your performances were most entertaining." There was no hint of sarcasm in the princess's voice. Her glowing mane mesmerically waved in the air behind her, temporarily distracting Trixie.

"Oh! Well, um, The Great and Powerful Trixie thanks you as well, dear." Rare indeed was the pony who would dare address her as something other than 'Your Highness' or 'Princess'. Celestia barely failed to suppress the hint of a smirk, but secretly enjoyed the informality.

"Is there anything I can do for you in exchange for your charitable display of magical prowess?" asked Celestia.

Trixie's ears perked up. "Actually, there is something you could help Trixie with," she replied. "I'm afraid it's your other guests here. I overhear them speaking of me as 'quaint' or 'clever', but The Great and Powerful Trixie is not merely a show pony! Surely you, of all ponies, understand what it is like to need to... assert your worthiness. How do you show the ponies here that you stand above them, aside from your freakishly long legs?"

Princess Celestia couldn't help but giggle at the last bit, but recomposed herself quickly. "Would you like me to... demonstrate?" she asked, stepping forward and leaning over Trixie with a sudden diabolical look in her eye.

"I, ah, I d-don't know if that will really be necessary," said Trixie, looking left and right for the exits.

"I insist," said Celestia. "Let me show you how I assert my own worth relative to yours."

Trixie cringed and shook fearfully, then opened her eyes only to find Celestia laying on the floor beneath her. Princess Celestia kissed Trixie on her cutie mark, and bowed her head low. There were audible gasps from around the room. Trixie stood with her mouth agape, uncertain what to do or say.

Then Princess Celestia stood back up and turned her rump to face Trixie. "If you truly wish, you may indeed assert your worth over everypony else in this room, including me. All you need to do is kiss my haunch."

Trixie stood rigidly in place. Despite the fact that Princess Celestia had just laid herself low before Trixie, she seemed higher above her than even before.

"T-Trixie has to be going now, farewell!" she said, then threw a tiny smoke bomb and galloped headlong out of the room.

The guard walked up to Celestia and whispered, "Your Highness, this is how these rumors get started."

"Please don't call me Highness, and I know," said Princess Celestia. "But, sometimes it can be worth paying that price to impart an important lesson."