A Berd In Equestria

by Lord Faggot

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other
Length: 1264

Bert the berd sleeps for too long, and misses the migration southward! He attempts to migrate, on his own, but ends up in Ponyville. Good job.

Bert is a berd. A berd is a human but with a bird head. That means it talks like a bird. Everything else is like a normal human. How do you pronounce berd? Burhd.

Bert the berd walked south for the winter and entered Equestria. More specifically, Ponyville. Bert attempts to stay but we all know the residents of that particular village tend to panic a lot. Now you know what the story is about... READ THE DAMN THING!

I need reviews, please...?

17/3/15 EDIT: Even I put a dislike on this.

Published 2015-02-21 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-21 22:20:02 UTC

Berd 1: The Arrival

It was a perfectly normal day in Berdlandia. The choir berds were singing and the other berds were waking up. The beautiful singing is what woke up the other berds. Not the volume. The houses were topped with snow and the large Berdius house was in the centre of town. Berdius was a grand time of year, the choir berds sang Berdius songs and the Berdius house was built. Indeed, Berdius was the most important time of year for all berds, Worker berds, Choir berds and normal berds.

Bert woke up in his fluffy bed and yawned. What a beautiful day, he thought as he looked out of the window. He went to his cupboard and picked his clothes for the day. They were average Berthalon winter clothes and most berds had them. Bert then checked his daily schedule on his bedside table. The schedule read as follows: Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, walk south for New Years Eve.
New Years Eve!? Bert forgot about this time of year! He rushed to his bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush, he placed toothpaste on his toothbrush and was in such a hurry he forgot to wet the toothpaste on his brush with water! Bert ignored the horrible taste and dashed outside, forgetting his Samsung Berdaxy! Bert runs back in to grab his backpack and goes back outside. He waves to all the worker berds that have to stay to make sure the town of Berdlandia is alright while the others are gone. No other berd is there to go with Bert, they've all left already so he has to go alone...

The Adventure Begins.

Bert leaves the border of peaceful Berdlandia and posts it on his twitter to his over 10k followers. (Bert was a popular berd) then gives a little chirp as he puts his portable laptop back into his backpack and begins to trudge through the thick, cold snow of the outside world. As the inside of his boots got soggy and horribly, he thought it couldn't get worse than this. He was wrong. Just then, a small crystal box flies up through the air and it smacks him round the face as it ascends. The rainbow that follows it also smacked him in the face, but then carried him with it! Eventually, he reached his destination and landed on his butt.

Bert gets up and immediately hides behind one of the houses, making a quiet squawk as he went. He watched as a massive crystal palace is formed and six female ponies somehow come out the front doors, despite not having seen enter by Bert. He kept watching as more ponies gather and the six from the palace break into a song. Something about friendship. Anyways, Bert attempts to stay hidden. After the song finished, Bert walked out into plain sight. A mare with crossed eyes spots him and calls out:
"Look! A bird thing!" And then pointing at Bert with her hoof. All the other ponies look directly at him and just continue to stare for a minute until one pink alicorn slowly moves towards him, as not to scare him with swift movements.
"And who are you?" She asks. Bert tweets.

Author's Note

All of this because of some stupid video. Ah, inspiration.

Berds are cool.

Berd 2: The Berdening

"Ooooh! It's a bird monster! Everybody panic!" Pinkie Pie shouts after pushing past Twilight and then jumping and running, mimicking fear the best she could. A random pony in the crowd shrugs his shoulders and begins
to panic. Everypony also panics, except for the elements of harmony.
"I'm sure there's a rational explanation for why it's here!" Twilight Sparkle speaks up. The other elements nod in agreement. Except for Pinkie Pie, who is busy panicking. Three fillies, all wearing trademarked capes with a shape of a pony in the middle. The white-coated one yells out something to do with being kind and stuff.

Bert does a berd laugh. Everypony stands still to look at him. Bert spooks them with his spooky scary face.

Everypony panics this time. Except for Twilight who is wondering why this strange creature has a human body. Bert chirps and chirps, spooking the ponies until they realise that it's not attempting to harm anypony.
"It's trying to mind control us!" A young, orange-coated filly wearing a trademarked cape exclaims.

Everypony panics again. Twilight gives up trying to calm down the panicking crowd and goes back inside, head hung low in defeat.
"Why is everypony so... So crazy?" Twilight asks herself before going to bed.

Twiiiiiliiiiight...

"W-what?" The darkly coloured alicorn asks in her dreams. The voice is heard again.

Twiiiiiiiilllllliiiiiiight...

"Who's there?" Twilight Sparkle asks again.

TWILIGHT!

Twilight jumps back in surprise, as she was expecting another soft long mention of her name, and not a brief, loud shout.

"LISTEN TO ME TWILIGHT!" She turns around to see it was Princess Luna, walker of dreams, who was calling her name.
"O-okay..." The alicorn complies, not wanting to anger the princess, because that's just insanity. Seriously? Who would dare anger them? Apart from about five villains or so. And maybe a certain red-coated vampire. And the prince of all Saiyans.

But enough of that, this story is nothing to do with them! *ahem* So, Twilight follows Luna around her dream to a large gate-like object.
"Twilight, do you know what this is? This is a gate. That's it. What's so special about this gate, I hear you ask? Well, it's the gate to the place the gate takes you. It is an ordinary gate." Luna starts to ramble on about gates as Twilight Sparkle backs off, then wakes up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Twilight screams as she looks at the being lying on top of her.

It was Bert.

God dammit Bert.

"W-what are you doing here!?" She pushes Bert the berd off of her, he squawks then runs away with a bunch of paper in his left hand, and Spike in his right hand. The alicorn notices.

She damn did notice. She REALLY noticed. She curses under her breath and chases Bert in the cold, dark morning, at 2 o' clock.

TO THE CHASE SCENE!

"SQUAAAAAWK! SQUAAAAAWK! (Go away! I'm hungry!)" Bert squawks at Twilight, who is chasing him from behind. The other ponies in their houses start to wake up, way earlier than they should, the alicorn spots all the lights turning on and gets even more angrier as she knows that this stupid berd is disrupting ordinary Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle unfolds her wings and attempts to tackle Bert from above. As we all know, Twilight is NOT good at flying. At all. So, we all know how this will turn out... Greatly!

Twilight lands directly on top of Bert (HUEHUEHUE) and applies a paralysis spell on the berd, then lifts her papers and Spike off of Bert with her magic.

Thus begins... The berdening.

Bert breaks free of the paralysis spell, much to everyone's surprise, and charges at Twilight, then bites her right front leg riiiight down to the bone. That's gotta hurt. Twilight screams and then Bert runs off to the Everfree, really not a great idea.

Spike wakes up and asks where he is. For he had no idea. He had no idea he was in the middle of... THE BERDENING.

Author's Note

THE BERDENING HAS BEGUN

I have planned the end for the story, long before I even began to write it! The end being, uh, well I can't tell you, can I?