Fluttershy's Dilemma
Fluttershy woke up in a panic. Her hooves were shaking, she was sweating profusely and her heart was racing. It was not uncommon for this to happen to her, but it never got any easier.
"I had that dream again. I thought I was past this mess." Fluttershy said to herself. She felt a mixture of anger and depression at how easily she was shaken up. It made her feel as though she had no control over her own life because she felt fear at every mention of the unknown. Getting out of bed, she decided to go take a shower due to all the sweat. She looked at herself in the mirror and was shocked at how bad her mane was. It had knots in it and some bed head, but mostly just weighed down from sweating. She thought several times about seeing a therapist, but just the idea of telling some strange pony about her problems made her anxious. After having showered and combed her mane, she started her morning chores. As she completed her tasks, she found herself feeling happier and less anxious. Fluttershy found the most joy in helping others and it helped her with her anxiety as well. After finishing up feeding the animals, she made herself breakfast and started humming to herself. It was then that she heard a knock on the door. Fluttershy panicked. She thought about pretending nopony was home, but she tripped over her hooves out of nervousness.
"Hello?" The pony called from the other side of the door. "Is everything okay in there?" Fluttershy quickly got up and brushed herself off. She wished this pony would go away, but she knew that would be impossible now. She trotted up to the door and opened it, to find Rarity there with a worried look on her face.
"Oh. Hello Rarity." Fluttershy greeted her friend with relief and felt the weight on her chest dissipating. "Is there something I can help you with today?" Fluttershy enjoyed helping her friends. As long as it didn't involve anything stressful or speaking in front of others. She still had that nightmare about being attacked by a dragon after that encounter on the mountain.
"Well I was going to see about asking your assistance with setting up an event for Twilight when I heard a thumping sound. Are you alright darling? You have been rather... distant as of late." Rarity's concern was written clear as day on her face for her dear friend. Fluttershy didn't feel like talking about it. She didn't want to burden Rarity with her problems. She had tried a few times, but was afraid that Rarity would become annoyed with her. What if she didn't want to hang out with her because she was depressing to be around or would get angry with her?! What if all of her friends came to hate her and... abandoned her? No. She couldn't say it. She didn't want to end up alone.
"Oh I've just been busy with the little critters here lately. It takes a lot of work, but it's worth it to see them happy. Also, when you knocked on the door I tripped when I was trying to get to the door." Fluttershy hoped she would buy it. Rarity looked at her skeptically, but went along with it.
"Alright dear. If you do have any problems, you know you can talk to me." Rarity tried her best to reassure her because while she went with what Fluttershy said, she knew something was wrong.
"I'm not sure if I can." Fluttershy thought to herself. She was too scared of the idea of being alone. "Sure thing Rarity. If I do have anything, I'll come straight to you." Fluttershy said to reassure her friend. She hated lying, but she just couldn't say it. No matter what, she would have to deal with it on her own.
"Good to hear. Now, if you can, I would like you to be at the Carousel Boutique at 9 am tomorrow morning. I need help setting up decorations and tables." Rarity said . Fluttershy had no issues with that. There would be nopony else there and it would be quiet. Maybe even fun.
"You can count on me. I'll be there at 9 am sharp." Fluttershy stated with a smile. Rarity was relieved to hear this and felt a weight fall off her shoulder.
"Oh thank you darling! You have no idea what this means to me!" Rarity said with delight. "Also, if you wouldn't mind, I would like you to stay for the the event." This made Fluttershy a bit nervous.
"Uhm... How many ponies will be there?" Fluttershy asked.
"Oh... about 30 in total." Rarity said happily. Fluttershy's eyes narrowed, her heartbeat began to speed up and breaths became rapid.
"Oh. I uhm, I couldn't. You see, I uhm have something I need to do after helping set things up so I can't stay." Fluttershy hoped Rarity would be okay with her not going. She really didn't want to.
'Oh please, Fluttershy! It would mean so much to Twilight if you would stay." Rarity pleaded.
"I uhm, I... Oh... Okay. I'll stay." Fluttershy felt tears start to form but quickly put on a brave face for Rarity. "I'll definitely be there!" Fluttershy said with a fake smile.
"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Rarity said, absolutely delighted. "I'll see you tomorrow at 9 then dear." Rarity then left to go get things ready. Fluttershy shut the door and went to her room where she sat on her bed panicking and trying not to cry. She hadn't been this panicked since trying to get out of helping sending water to Cloudsdale with the tornado. She hated being in large groups, with ponies she had never met before no less.
"What do I do?!" Fluttershy said while fighting back tears. After a few hours, she finally calmed down and fed the animals and went to don evening chores while she thought about her situation. "I guess, I could go and try to stay. If it gets to be too much, I'll just slip out and go home. Problem solved!" Fluttershy said to herself. "After all, what kind of friend would I be if I went back on my word?" Fluttershy felt a bit of determination. Well more like psyching herself up so her anxiety didn't overwhelm her. Regardless, she was going to try!
Author's Note
This story was inspired by a dream I had not too long ago. I'm not sure if it will be expressed quite the way I want, but i'm going exactly how the dream went.
It was the same dream again, The one that paralyzed her senses and made her lose herself in the madness of agony. Her friends looking upon her with contempt and cold unfeeling. Twilight had a mask of emotionlessness, Rainbow, a look of anger, Pinkie wouldn't even look at her, Applejack had simply walked away, Rarity had a look of disappointment and and a coldness that pierced Fluttershy's heart like a sword. Fluttershy felt weak and couldn't stand straight, her eyes filled with tears.
"P-ple-please don't go! Don't leave me here alone!" Flutter said through her tears and shaking so bad she couldn't speak properly. "I'll change! I promise I will. Just don't leave me!" Fluttershy looked at her friends begging them trying not to completely fall apart. Twilight looked down at her, the expression on her face was now livid with anger.
"No, Fluttershy. You had your chance. Now go away and never come back." Twilight said through her teeth. You could practically feel the rage now seething from Twilight's voice. The others left, except for Rarity. As Twilight walked away, Rarity stared at her. Fluttershy crawled over to her, as she no longer had the strength to walk.
"R-rarity. I'm s-s-s-sorry. Please. Please don't go." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I can be better. I prove that I'm worth keeping around. Just, please don't go!" Fluttershy was crying so much she could barely see. Rarity held her hoof out to Fluttershy, putting a slight smile on her face.
"No." Rarity said coldly. The pain of that word jabbed Fluttershy in the heart like a knife. She might as well have died right there. "You had your chance. You screwed kit up. Now leave." Then Rarity disappeared from view. Fluttershy was now in an abyss of darkness. Fluttershy got up and began to run, searching frantically for her friends.
"Rarity?! Twilight?! Applejack?! Pinkie? Rainbow? Where... did you all go?" Fluttershy crumpled in a heap on the ground and sobbed. She woke up, jolted out of her nightmare. Sweating profusely and crying, Fluttershy sat in her bed with her head between her hooves, sobbing loudly. She looked up after a while and noticed it was still dark outside. "Well, I guess I won't be going back to bed anytime soon." Fluttershy decided to get up and wash her face as well as fix her mane. When she walked into the bathroom and saw her reflection in the mirror, she wasn't really surprised. She was pale and her mane was matted and wet, causing it to get stuck to her coat. After washing and coming her mane, she sat in her bed and tried to relax for a while. The dream she had felt so real, the words of her friends echoing in her mind. She had never told any of her friends that this was going on though. She didn't want to bother them with her problems. The very idea of trying to bother them with it made her shudder with fear. She feared that they would become annoyed, and eventually... abandon her. No. She would face it herself. She didn't need anypony's help with this. Fluttershy knew she could it without any help. At least, that's what she kept trying to convince herself. It was then that Fluttershy remembered an old habit. One she tried to rid herself of, but found that, in this moment, that it would console her. She opened up her nightstand drawer and saw a bottle of whiskey that she had touched. She had kept it hidden so she would never open it, but temptation had finally made her cave. She picked up the bottle and sat down on her bed, eyes red from crying and stared at the bottle for a moment, swirling it around in circles. She popped open the bottle and took a swig of it. She had forgotten how smooth it tasted and licked her lips. She sat against the headboard and took another swig, savoring the flavor of the whiskey.
She started feeling the warmth and fuzziness of the liquor after a few drinks. Admittedly, she was a bit of a lightweight, which she felt was to her advantage because she had more for the next time she drank. The warm fuzzy feeling grew stronger to the point that she could no longer sit up straight. The more times she tried, the more she failed, which made her laugh. The only time she felt genuinely comfortable was when she was either with her animal friends, or when she was drunk. At this point she had drowned out any thought and just relaxed herself as she hummed a tune and started singing to herself. She drank a bit at a time so she wouldn't get sick or too drunk. By the time she knew it, it was already time to feed the animals. She got up and immediately fell down on the floor, struggling to get back up. Once she had gotten back on her hooves and walking, or rather, stumbling, she went downstairs and managed to complete her chores. Angel looked a bit worried and attempted to see what was wrong with Fluttershy.
"O-oh do-don't worr-y a-about me Angel. I'm doin' great." Fluttershy tried to pacify his worry, but the way she was slurring her words and the way her breath smelled told him that she had been drinking. He had been there through the last time she drank. It wasn't a great sight to witness. He reached out his paw but she pushed it away. "I said I'm doin' fine Angel." Fluttershy said with irritation in her voice. She immediately regretted doing that to him. She knew he was concerned. "Sorry Angel." She then flew away, though not in a straight pattern. She decided it to be a good idea to walk instead. She had to go help Rarity after all.
