The War for the Sun & Moon

There is a planet out in the vast reaches of space known as Equis.  This planet defies any sense of logic: the sun orbits the planet instead of the other way around.

On Equis, there is a country called Equestria, or the Equestrian Empire, depending on who you ask.  In the western reaches of this country lies a city.  A city of fame, fortune, and too much of a good thing.

Las Pegasus, the party capitol of the world.

Within this expansive and brightly-lit city, a few blocks away from the main street, is a building.  Most passing by would just remark that it is just another casino, and a cruddy looking one at that.  Tall, decorated in excessive gaudiness, the only outward symbol that it is not what it seems is a giant landing pad sticking out at the top of the building.

Within this building is, in fact, a casino of the most lavish sort, hosted by many always-smiling ponies.  As you spend your day there, it may become somewhat uncomfortable how happy every pony there is, how they don’t flinch at anything, and their promises that you will leave happier than you’ve ever been.

However, the focus of this tale is not on the casino, but on what is above.  For this, like was mentioned, is no ordinary house of debauchery.

The building is actually the Throne of the Element of Laughter, Queen Pinkie Pie, and this is one of the many tales of her madness.

Queen Pinkie Pie sat upon her streamer-covered throne, lazing about.  Empress Twilight hadn’t given her any new information in a while, excepting the hundred-bit bag delivered from Queen Applejack, and she was finding ruling a city, even one as vibrant as Las Pegasus, to be very…

“Bo-ring!”  She sighed.  Then, like the popping of a balloon, an idea came to her.  She rose, and clopped her forehooves together.

“Mr. Higglebottoms!”  Her Number One Assistant in Everything Party entered the room.

“Yes, my Queen?”  Mr. Higglebottoms wore the ever-present smile that Queen Pinkie demanded all of her servants wear, or face dreadful punishment.  A healthy dash of Pinkie’s specialty Happy Magic helped too.

“Please bring me my Wall No. 4!”

“As you wish, my Queen.”  Less than five minutes later, a brick wall is erected in the center of the throne room.  The smattering of smiling guards and servants leave; they know better than to interrupt the Queen when she is in the mood.

She leaps off of her throne, focuses, then punches through the wall with all of her might.  Instead of seeing the rest of the throne room through the new hole in the wall, though, all that can be seen is an inky blackness.

Pinkie puts her mouth up to the hole and shouts, “Hey!  What’cha doin’?”

The author then recoiled in—What?

“You heard me right!  What are you doing?”

Um, this can’t be happening.  I must be hallucinating, or something.

“Nopey-dopey!  This is real!  So, Maxes, what’cha workin’ on?”

Okay, check medications later, but for now… Well, Pinkie, I’m writing a story.

“Ooh!  I love stories!  What’s this one about?  I hope it’s not like that coocoo one where my friends and I went cray-cray and tried to kill the Princesses!”

Uh… how?

“Buddy, you obviously know us, so you shouldn’t have to ask.”

Well, this is the, heh heh, sequel to that one.

“Nice!  Does it show how cool and kickflank we are as the new rulers of Equestria?”

Not exactly.  See… wait, I can’t tell you anything about it!

“Why the buck not?”

Well, it involves you and the other Elements being… the bad guys?

“What?  No way!  We’re the best Queens for, like, ever!”

That’s not how the Warriors see it.  Oh, shit!

“Hmm, the Warriors, you say?  You wouldn’t happen to mean those icky rebels Twilight keeps talking about, would you?”

Shit! Okay, Maxes think fast… oh! Can I get your promise that you won’t blab this to anything else, like, ever?

“Why?  Are ya afraid I’ll blow everything up otherwise?”

Please, just Pinkie Promise me you won’t tell anyone.

“Ugh, fine.  I promise to not tell a living soul about this.  Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.  There, now what is it about?”

CRASH!

The citizens of Las Pegasus look up, and behold an entire floor’s worth of shattered glass falling down to the street.  As the ponies dive for cover, a single word can be heard, reverberating to the hills.

“WHAT?!”

Holy shit, warn me next time.  I think my ears are bleeding.

“But that’s so not fair!  Why would anypony want to get rid of us!  I’m awesome!”

Did you ever read any of my other works?

“Nah, I didn’t understand any of them.”

Then allow me to enlighten you.  Let’s see, Discord Meets Ruby Rose, Chapter Four, Origin… page four: “…some groups are like a hydra.  You cut off one head, and another takes its place somewhere else.  And you forget your history, my student.  I have had forces arrayed against Luna and me since the first day we imprisoned Discord.”  From the noncanon mouth of Princess Celestia to one Twilight Sparkle.

“Okay, but what does that have to do with this story?”

In my world, our leadership always has opposition.  For the last eighteen or so years, you six have been playing without an opponent.  Which is, regrettably, against the rules.  I dredged up an old opponent to stand against you.  And remember, you can’t breathe a word of this to anybody.

“Humph, fine.  This whole ‘peaceful rule’ thing was getting boring anyways.  I’ll talk to you later, big boy.”

Wait!  I… I need a little advice.

“Really?  On what?”

See, I’ve got three of the primary protagonists set up, but I need three more.  I want them all to be unique, and I have a unicorn, an Earth filly, and a changeling.  Any ideas on what the other three should be?

“Well, besides Gilda, I’ve always liked griffons…  Wait, why do you need six?”

Well, this has been fun and all, but I’m going to power this possessed piece of junk off right now.  Okay by- *click*

“Maxes?  Hey, you get back here!”  Nothing answers her.  She angrily demolishes the rest of the wall.  Not a moment later, her guards burst through the doors.

“Our Queen!  We heard shouting, and glass breaking!  Are you alright?”

“Yes, Mr. Snuggles, I’m okay.  Just a little disagreement with an interdimensional being, is all.”

The guard breathes a sigh of relief.  Just his Queen being herself, as always.  “Will there be anything else, my Queen?”

“Yes.  Clean up this wall, and get the Cakes to send me a treat.”  As the guard retreats out the door, Pinkie shouts, “And don’t forget the extra hot sauce this time!”