Personal Touch

by Anonymous Assassin

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Sex
Length: 6503

A collection of short stories that make light of cultural differences and misinterpretations between species. Shit gets hella awkward, yo.

A collection of short stories that make light of cultural differences and misinterpretations between species. Shit gets hella awkward, yo.

I'm so sorry, Anon...

Published 2014-12-19 02:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-25 02:56:49 UTC

Rainbow Dash...

It’s a beautiful day in Ponyville, the sun is shining, and the weather is perfect. Thanks in no small part to the efforts of you and your weather team, the day couldn’t be any better. You’re sitting on a cloud, watching the sun as it starts to go down. Only one thing missing... Somepony to share it with. Somepony that’s not... Pinkie. Last time you tried to spend an entire day alone with her, things got kinda weird pretty fast. Needless to say, you were cursing Twilight and her cloud walking spell for weeks. Stupid mare to stallion ratio, making ponies act all weird.

After a few minutes of soaking up some afternoon sun, you decide to head to Sugarcube Corner for a bit of chow. After all, a pony works up a big appetite when they’ve been plowing cumulonimbus (the cloud, not the stallion) all morning. You drop through the fluffy clouds and fly over to town square, taking in the scenery along the way. Really, you do love this place, even though there aren’t enough stallions to go around. You’d think a hot young filly such as yourself would be able to find a coltfriend no problem, but for some reason, all the stallions are too chicken to even talk to you. What’s up with that? Well, except Big Mac, but he doesn’t count. Sometimes you think the only reason he talks to you at all is so you don’t tell AJ about that time you saw him and Braeburn… Yeah, that was awkward.

But, no matter, you’re at Sugarcube Corner now. Time to order up some grub!

“Hey Mr. Cake, where’s Pinks?”

“Oh, she’s taking care of the twins for us while my wife works on a huge order of squash soup. All the local business-stallions just love it; hers is the best in town, after all.”

“Oh, cool. You think you could make some of your special filled eclairs for me?”

“Of course, Miss Dash, but it’ll take a while to whip up a load of cream, I already emptied my sack into the last batch. And I’m sure I’ll have to clean up a bit first; Cup is always so sloppy with her soup… Give me about twenty minutes.”

Well, crap. Twenty minutes is a long time, but you can wait. Totally worth it for some of Carrot Cake’s hot, sticky, cream filling. You hoof over the bits and walk outside to enjoy the sunshine, sitting down on an empty bench in the middle of town square. It’s nice in Ponyville, it really is… But, you still wish you could just find a stallion. It’s been so long since you had any male attention.

”Hey Rainbow Dash, mind if I sit here?”

“Oh, hey Anon… Um, sure, I guess.”

He sits down next to you, taking up the larger share of the bench. Anon’s been in town for a few months now, and he’s had a bit of a hard time fitting in. Most ponies don’t know what to think about him, he’s just so different. There are some rumors going around that he’s totally weird, but you don’t really get that vibe. Thinking about it, Anon has always been really nice to you. You’ve seen him around a lot, though you’ve not hung out together very much. Every time you see him, he’s always really nice and asks you about your day. You don’t see what everypony is so worried about; Anon is perfectly fine.

“Wow Rainbow Dash, it sure is beautiful today. You weather ponies did a great job! It always amazes me to watch pegasi manipulate the weather.”

He scoots a little bit closer to you, looking thoughtfully at your wings

“Those wings are just so cool. It must feel amazing to fly.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. Flying is the most amazing thing ever!”

“You know, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have wings... Can I?”

He reaches out and runs his hand down the crest of your wing. Your breath hitches and you gasp. You’re shocked. He didn’t just do that, right? And it didn’t feel amazing, either. Not at all.

“A-Anon…”

You glance up at him, noticing his distant look and gentle smile as he continues to stroke your wing, slowly trailing his fingers through your ruffled feathers.

“I wish I could fly… So many humans have dreamed about it, but the closest we could possibly get was building flying machines. Nowhere close to the same, I’m sure. How does it feel to have wings? Do they have the same sense of touch as your hooves?”

“Y-yeah, they’re just about the same,” you croak out nervously. It’s so wrong for you to let him do this, but for some reason, you just can’t tell him to stop.

“Your feathers are so soft… Do you use some kind of special conditioner? How do you even clean them? Is there some kind of special wing brush that you use?”

Your wings are rising on their own accord, which only encourages him to keep going. It’s obvious Anon is totally oblivious; he has no idea what he’s actually doing. Coming up with a reasonable response is no easy task. It doesn’t help that you’re almost completely lost in the moment. Fortunately, his hand paused long enough to bring you back to reality. “Well, we usually use our mouths to groom our wings… It’s kind of a personal thing, really.”

Anon looks at you apprehensively, and for a moment, pulls his hand away from your wing. Now’s your chance, all you have to do is let him take the hint and stop… But all you can manage to do is move closer and press your wing into his hand.

What is wrong with me!?

Anon’s warm smile returns once again, and he continues, gently stroking your wing and massaging the muscles. Slowly, he moves closer to the base of the wing, inadvertently stimulating you in all the right places. By this point, your wings are completely stiff and you’re blushing furiously.

Luna’s teats, his hands feel amazing! How is this even happening? Why am I letting him do this?

You lean into him and let out a gentle hum. It feels so good, and you’ve not had anypony groom your wings in so long…

H-he wouldn’t mind. He doesn’t even know. It’s not a big deal...

“You know, I really do miss home, but it’s nice to have an awesome pony like you to hang out with. I… don’t really have many friends here in Ponyville.” He pauses for a moment and looks down at you, then gently brushes a lock of hair from your face. “Thanks, Rainbow Dash. Life here in Equestria is not so bad with ponies like you around. The way you defy gravity and physics, holding the weather at your command... It’s one of the most awe-inspiring and beautiful things I’ve ever seen.”

“Anon…” You look into his eyes and smile. It’s hard not to feel good about a compliment like that. Comfortable silence falls between you for a few moments, him lightly teasing your forelock behind your ear, you sighing contentedly at his doting attention, gently brushing your wingtips along his back; the moment is perfect…

Until you look up and notice the small crowd at Sugarcube Corner sneaking glances at you and Anon. Listening closely, you can just barely hear them snickering and whispering amongst themselves. Meanwhile, Anon continues absentmindedly stroking your mane. All you can think about is all the ponies looking at you. All of them… all staring at you. Judging you.

They know… They know! What is wrong with me? How could I trick Him into doing that... In public! This is bad. This is bad!

Panic starts to take its hold on you, an infinite number of negative outcomes begin to rush through your mind.

What will they say? What will they think? My reputation is ruined! I can’t do this, I gotta get out of here!

In a moment of extreme willpower, you manage to retract your wings back to your sides, then push away from him forcefully.

“Uh, I-I gottagonow. Bye!”

“Wait, Rainbow Dash! What’s wrong?”

In an attempt to escape with some shred of dignity, you blast off, leaving a very confused Anon and a rainbow-colored streak in your wake. After a few minutes of flight to help clear your head, you climb as high as you can go, finding a nice, private cloud to rest on, far away from prying eyes. The events of the day keep running through your mind. The only action you’ve had in months, and he didn’t even know he was doing it. You sigh, imagining that hand running through your wings. Anon’s hand. Stupid Anon. You check your surroundings one last time, then sink a bit deeper into the cloud.

Twenty minutes is plenty of time…

Fluttershy?

“Alright Angel, I’m going to the market to pick up some groceries. You behave, now. I don’t want to hear any more complaints from Miss Fluffybuns about you trying any funny business with her. Do you understand, mister?” The little bunny just harumphs and crosses his arms, looking away and pouting adorably. “If you’re good while I’m gone, I’ll make you your favorite carrot juice and kale smoothie.”

That seems to get his attention, and he excitedly jumps onto your neck, hugging you and snuggling himself into your mane.

“That’s right, Angel. You be good while I’m gone. I’ll be back soon.”

The mischievous little rabbit hops down and sits near the doorway, smiling sweetly and waving as you make your way outside. You shut the door and lock it behind you, more for everypony else’s protection rather than your own. If some poor unsuspecting pony opened your door, they would be greeted by a very grumpy grizzly. Not something you want to deal with… again. You’re still having nightmares about the last time that happened, and poor Mr. Bear was comatose for days after that look you gave him. Cleaning up the mess was the worst part… But enough of that, time to get the day’s errands started.

The sun is shining, the weather is perfect, and you’ve got a purse full of government-supplied bits to feed all your little fatherless babies. Time to head to the market and pick up all the supplies you’ll need for the week! You make your way down the well-worn cobblestone path that connects your cottage to the main road leading to Ponyville Square, stopping frequently to take in the sights and smells.

Scattered groups of ponies travel up and down the road, no doubt tending to their busy lives and making the most of the beautiful day. Finally, you see the market in the distance, the growing sound of a bustling crowd greeting you as you approach. The square is completely packed with carts and ponies roaming the streets, barely leaving enough room to make your way through the herd.

For a few moments, you consider turning back and leaving until the crowd thins out, but the last time you waited, there was nothing left to buy. Fortunately, being a pegasus has its advantages. With a bird’s-eye view of the crowd, you’re able to get a good assessment of the market, despite the chaos.

Speaking of which, I wonder what Discord is up to. Hope he’s not causing any trouble. I swear, if he keeps me from getting these groceries… Well, It looks like the carrot stand is going to take a while. And the apple stand. And the vegetable stand… There are so many ponies out today, I’ll never be able to get everything we need! Oh, it’s just awful!

As you circle the airspace above the market, you can see a small and relatively unoccupied section of carts and tables with various goods and foodstuffs. Perfect! You begin your descent, slowly corkscrewing your way down to the desolate area of the market. As you get closer, it becomes more obvious why that particular area is so unpopular.

Poor Anon… You’ve heard all sorts of rumors about him, some downright mean. You even heard a few ponies talking about how he was… touching Rainbow Dash’s wings. There’s no way she would let him do something like that, so you know it can’t be true.

You hate it when ponies mistreat others just because they’re different. Ooh, you get so frustrated sometimes that you just want to tell everypony to stop being such big meanies! You’re going to go down there and do something to let him know that not all ponies are so inconsiderate. A gentle clop echoes off the wall as your hooves meet the cobblestone, the sound alerting Anon to your presence. You take a deep breath and prepare yourself for something that you’ve always found extremely uncomfortable: making conversation.

“Um… Hi, Anon. It sure is a pretty day.”

“Hello there, Fluttershy! It definitely is a beautiful day.”

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in the market, Anon. I didn’t know you had a stand here.”

“Well, Twilight suggested that I set up in the market. She says that it’ll help the ponies get used to me if they see me taking part in the community. It seems like a good idea, but I’ve been out here since eight o’clock and I’ve not made a single sale.”

“Well, I wanted to come and see you, since… you know, nopony else seems to be around. I would hate for you to get the wrong impression of us. You’re a new member of our town, I want to make sure you feel welcome. Not all ponies treat people poorly just because they’re different than us.”

“Well, thank you, Fluttershy. It’s… really nice just to have somebody visit my stand.” A friendly smile spreads across his face. At least, it seems friendly, but you really don’t know him well enough to tell.

“Well, I do need to get a few things from the market. What do you have for sale?”

“I have a few different things you might be interested in. Some freshly-roasted coffee beans, honey, cocoa, some homemade candies, and a few different types of soap and candles that I made.”

It takes a few moments to look over all the items he has. The coffee smells delicious, and the honey looks dark and rich. The soap and candles are quite nice too… all the other ponies are missing out just because they are too scared to deal with somepony that’s different. It’s a shame, but hopefully they’ll get over it soon enough. “Everything you have looks so nice! I’d like to get some of your soap, please. It’ll help some of the animals smell less like… well, animals.”

“Well, that’s really sweet of you, Fluttershy… I wish more ponies were as friendly as you.” His face falls a bit and he looks away. “It does get kinda lonely out here… Sometimes, I think most ponies really don’t want me to be here. Probably just about as much as I don’t want to be here myself.”

Well, you feel really bad now. He seems so sad, you really should do something to cheer him up. “Oh, Anon… I’m sure that ponies just aren’t used to you yet. Give it a bit of time and I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

“I’d like to think so, Fluttershy, but I really don’t know that it’ll be that simple… Maybe someday. Well, enough of that depressing talk. Would you like to try something that I made?” He smiles and reaches into a paper bag on the counter and pulls out a small, brown cube, then walks out from behind the counter and presents his offering, holding it flat in the middle of his hand. Slowly, he inches it toward your snout, stopping a respectful distance away from your nose.

You sniff the air tentatively, but can’t really place the smell. If nothing else, it isn’t unpleasant. He continues to look at you expectantly, as though he’s waiting for you to do something. Oh, right, you should probably thank him for his generosity… and maybe ask him what it is that he’s offering.

“Oh, thank you so much Anon… Um, what is it? I-if you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s a special type of treat that I used to make during the winter holidays back home. Something most ponies probably haven’t tried before. It might seem an odd mixture of flavors, but I think you’ll like it. Well, if you like sweets, that is.”

You lower your muzzle to his hand and take a closer sniff of the substance in question. Though it was faint, your nose could just barely detect a hint of honey and clover, with another unfamiliar, almost buttery scent. After a moment’s consideration, you decide it’s something you might actually enjoy. You look up at him with a bit of apprehension and he smiles in response, slightly extending his arm to give you easier access. It’s a bit awkward for you to eat out of his hand, but you carefully manage to grab the morsel with your lips without making too much unnecessary contact.

Once the treat is in your mouth you take a few moments to pick apart the flavors. The taste is odd; it’s definitely sweet, probably some kind of caramel, but there‘s something else... Something strangely familiar, but you can’t quite place it. After a few moments, the candy melts and starts sticking to your teeth and the roof of your mouth. The texture is really smooth and velvety. It’s hard not to smack your lips as you savor the unique sensation.

“Thith ith reawy good… Whath it called?”

Anon giggles a bit at the funny look on your face and replies, “It’s called salted caramel, one of my favorite things to make when the weather is chilly. I’m glad you like it!”

“Wait… did you just say sa—” Once the reality of his words hits home, you inhale sharply, causing you to breathe in enough liquefied caramel to make you cough and try to swallow. The salty substance sticks to the back of your throat, which only intensifies your coughing fit. Anon immediately rushes to your aid and begins patting you on the back.

The world is spinning, your head feels like it’s detached, and you can’t even keep your balance. You stumble into Anon, but he catches you and slowly lowers you to the ground, then rests your head in his lap, gently patting your back and stroking your feathers. Tears begin to flow down your cheeks and your breath hitches as Anon runs his fingers down your back and over the downy tufts at the base of your wings, speaking soft words of encouragement the entire time.

“Are you okay? I-I didn’t mean to make you choke. Oh, I feel so terrible, now! Please don’t cry Fluttershy… Oh my god, are ponies allergic to caramel? D-do you need me to take you to a doctor?”

Somehow, despite the crippling fear and intense sensations coming from your wings, you manage to shake your head and let out a pitiful squeak. Fortunately, Anon seems to take the hint.

“N-no? Okay, we can stay here. I’m okay with that. Shhh, just take it nice and easy, you’ll feel better soon.”

He continues to gently brush his fingertips over your feathers in an effort to soothe you. The combination of the salt rush and Anon gently caressing your wings is exhilarating, yet terrifying at the same time. Your mind is overcome with fear and pleasure, a strange combination that you’ve never before imagined. At first it makes you want to scream and run away, but deep down, it’s a feeling you somehow enjoy. After what seems like an eternity of helpless, terrified bliss, the initial rush of the salt begins to fade. You look up at Anon, eyes filled with tears. The effects of the drug begin to subside, and your mind is slingshotted back into reality. Your imagination starts to run wild with all the possible scenarios.

What? What just happened? Was he planning on doing this to somepony the entire time?! I-I can’t believe he would do something like that… He seemed so nice! And I don’t even know how to feel about it… was it really bad? I-I just don’t know!

A small raspy voice escapes from your lips, “I-I have to go now.”

After regaining a bit of your strength, you carefully extricate yourself from his grasp, shakily rising to your hooves, tears still blurring your vision. You glance up at Anon and his brow creases with concern.

“I hope you’re okay, Fluttershy. I really, really didn’t mean to make you choke. W-would you like to take some samples of my other stuff so you can try it out?”

“N-no!” Your eyes widen as you slowly back away from Anon, heading toward the safety of the crowd. As you turn around and walk toward the herd, you see a wide-eyed Lyra staring in Anon’s direction. For a moment, you make eye contact, then immediately look away, ashamed of what the minty-green mare might have seen. Glancing back one last time, you see Anon’s disappointed face as he stands there watching you slowly disappear into the bustling group of ponies. He gives you a sad smile and waves, then droops his head and walks back to his spot behind the table.

After a bit of time to clear your mind, you notice a lingering sensation in your wings. I think I need to talk to somepony about what just happened.. As you walk towards town square with a slightly irregular gait, you begin to notice that each sway of your hips brings your focus to a certain warmth that demands your attention. On second thought, maybe I can talk about it after I take a long, hot shower...

Applejack!

Applejack

“Howdy there, Mister Cake! What can I do ya for this fine autumn day?”

“Hey there, Applejack! I need four bushels of apples for baking. Can you spare that many?”

“Sure thing, pardner! I got plenty a’ apples fer everypony! Let’s see here… If yer’ gonna be bakin’, ya’ need ta try summa’ these here ambrosia apples. They’re nice and sweet, and they don’t bake down too much, so they won’t make your pastries all soggy. Say, what kinda treats y’all makin’ today?”

“Well, we’re going to be making some fried-apple ponut pies, some fat-bottom turnovers, cream-filled apple balls, cake eclairs with sticky apple drippings, and some apple-cherry poppers. If you want to stop by later, I’d love to give you and little Apple Bloom some samples, I bet she’d love to get her apple-cherry popped! Speaking of which, where is Apple Bloom? Doesn’t she usually help you out on Saturday? I’m sure she’d want a taste of my cream-filled apple balls, too.”

It wasn’t until Mister Cake mentioned it that you noticed your little sister wasn’t at the stand anymore. You glance around the market and look for the big red bow that is undoubtedly weaving through the crowd somewhere. That little varmint done went and snuck off… Well, I’ll just have ta go find her as soon as I can close down, won’t be too long. You look back at Mister Cake and fake a smile, burying your frustration with your little sister and saving it for later. “Well, she probably ran off with her friends. No tellin’ what kinda’ trouble they’re up to out here. I reckon I’ll have ta go find her after I finish up.”

After pausing to take a quick inventory of the remaining apples, you decide to seize the opportunity to save yourself some time and make someone’s day. “Now then, you wanted four bushels? Tell ya what, if ya take five I’ll cut you a deal. How’s twenty bits a bushel sound?”

“Well, that’s mighty kind of you, Applejack. I’ll be sure to tell Cup about your generosity. A good, honest businesspony always keeps loyal customers. That’s part of the magic of having a business like ours! Of course, it always helps when you can provide the ponies at your shop with a bit of laughter.” He winks at you as you take a moment to think about what he said.

You giggle a little bit, then reply, “Y’know, I feel the same way, Mister Cake. Nothin’ better than having your hard work pay off for you, and being able to supply lots a’ ponies with fresh apples. If ain’t none of us has to worry about goin’ hungry, well, I reckon it helps us all live t’gether in harmony. Celestia knows we all have to deal with enough chaos ‘round these parts.”

You glance over your shoulder and at the resident ‘Lord of Chaos’ sitting atop his throne of swirling technicolor clouds. You both share a knowing glance and a slight grimace before going back into the conversation.

“I couldn’t agree more, Applejack…” Mister cake looks back over at Discord one more time before turning back to you. “Well, it’s been nice chatting with you. I think it’s about time for me to head back. I had to take a break after whipping out all that cream for those eclairs. I made a double-stuffed batch just for Rainbow Dash. She sure seemed hungry, too. The way she crammed the whole thing in her mouth like that was pretty impressive. She didn’t even lose a drop of the cream, either... That filly sure is something else.”

Mister Cake drops a bag of bits on the table with a smile, then loads the apples onto his cart. You take another glance around the market to see if you can spot Apple Bloom, but there are so many ponies crowding the market that it’s hard to see too much beyond your own table.

“Well, you take care, Applejack. Don’t forget to stop by the shop once you find your sister, I want your opinion on what we’re about to make!”

“Alrighty then, Mister Cake. I’ll stop by on my way home.”

He sets out on his way back to the bakery and you watch as the crowd parts to make room for his wagonload of apples. With the last bit of business of your day out of the way, you start packing up and shutting down, all the while keeping an eye open for any signs of the infamous Cutie Mark Crusaders. Those fillies have an incredible talent for causing trouble, specifically the kind that involves lots of apologies and some hefty repair bills. It’s probably best if I find Apple Bloom as soon as I can, all these ponies out means she could be causin’ a whole heap o’ trouble.

Finally, you finish packing up the cart and head into the crowd, looking for any sign of chaos and property damage along the way. Now then, if I was Apple Bloom, which way would I go?

***

“Alright girls, let’s go!” You scurry under a table with your friends in tow.

“I-I don’t know if this is a good idea, Apple Bloom.”

“Aww, c’mon Sweetie Belle, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Well, the last time you asked me that, we ended up getting chased by a herd of angry jackalopes!”

“That was one time, and it wasn’t that bad. We ended up getting away just fine!”

“Ugh! The only reason we didn’t get our flanks impaled by a bunch of horny rabbits is because Applejack and Rainbow dash saved us!”

“Okay little miss dictionary, there you go saying all them big words again. Impaled, what does that even mean? And them horny rabbits yer talkin’ about ain’t so scary, they’re just rabbits with antlers!”

“Yeah, giant rabbits with lots of sharp, pointy horns on their head. How is that not scary? You were just about to get spit roasted by a couple of those things until Applejack and Rainbow Dash teamed up and started pegging them!”

“Yeah, Rainbow Dash was so awesome!”

“Scootaloo!” you and Sweetie Belle say in unison as you give her a dirty look. It really doesn’t seem to phase her, she’s just standing there staring off into space with her wings sticking out... She’s been doing that a lot lately. You roll your eyes then punch her on the shoulder, snapping her out of the trance.

“Alright, let’s get to it! All we gotta do is sneak out of this crowd, then look around ‘til we find the only stand that doesn’t have ponies at it.”

“Why do we have to find a stand that nopony wants to visit?”

You roll your eyes at Scootaloo’s ignorance (maybe hanging out with a walking dictionary isn’t such a bad thing), then reply, “Because, featherbrain, we have to find the worst salespony out here! We all know ain’t nopony gonna buy anything from Anon, so he’s the worst. That’s how we find his stand. It’s simple!”

“Are we really gonna do this?”

“Yes, Sweetie Belle! Why are you being such a chicken? That’s Scootaloo’s job.”

“Hey! I’m not a chicken! I’ve done more crazy stuff than either of you!”

“Whatever makes you feel better, Scoots. Now, let’s go get ourselves a salespony cutie mark! This is the perfect way to test out our skills.” I bet we can help him sell everything he has! And get our cutie marks, too!

You hear a collective sigh from the girls as you rush ahead, leading the way to adventure… and maybe even some free stuff!

Breaking through the crowd was pretty easy, but being so short also has its disadvantages. Trying to find this empty stand will not be as easy as escaping the crowd.

Too bad Scootaloo’s wings are so useless, it would be nice if she could fly over everypony and see everything, like a pegasus is supposed to. It’s okay though, we still love her just the way she is.

After about fifteen minutes of walking around the outskirts of the market looking for signs of an unpopular vendor, you finally see a lone, empty stand on the edge of the crowd. There’s a table full of things under an area covered by a large tent. It’s easy to see the table, but it looks kind of dark in the tent so you can’t see inside. If you’re honest with yourself, you’d admit that you’re just a little bit creeped out. You’ve never really tried talking to Anon, but all the ponies say some pretty weird stuff about him. Fortunately for you, you aren’t honest with yourself, or your friends.

“Alright girls, I think I found it. Y’all see that big, brown tent over there with nopony around it? That’s gotta be Anon’s tent! Now, how are we gonna do this?” You look at your friends expectantly, only to find them returning the exact same look. After a few moments of awkward silence, Sweetie Belle decides to chime in.

“You’re the one that came up with this idea, Apple Bloom. I thought you had a plan!”

“Well… I needed more information before I could make any plans. I mean, you can’t plan for something if you have no idea what that something even is!”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo look at each other for a moment before focusing a collective glare on you.

“So basically... what you’re saying is, you have no idea what you’re doing. Great.”

“Look, all we have to do is go up there and help Anon sell stuff. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Well, we could get ponynapped, eaten, turned into child slaves, pincushioned by a group of Anon’s deviant friends…”

You laugh. We wouldn’t need to do this if Anon had friends.

“Aww, quit being a bunch of little sissies. Let’s get down there!” You take off, yet again leading the way.

A few moments of galloping later, your group arrives at its destination. After a bit of snooping around, it doesn’t seem like anyone’s at the stand. The tent has a black sheet draped over the entrance, so you can’t really see inside. The three of you listen for a moment, but don’t hear any sounds coming from within. A large, shelved display table sits under the canopy of the tent, it’s covered in a wide array of stuff. You see strange canned food items in big glass jars, metal tools, paintings, even some wool hats, scarves, and boots.

“Looks like we hit the jackpot, girls! There’s all sorts a’ great stuff here!”

Scootaloo picks up a jar, shakes it a little bit, then holds it up to the light. As it settles, you can see tiny little bits of fruit floating in the jar.

Sweetie Belle chimes in, “We probably shouldn’t mess with his stuff... Let’s just put it back where we found it and wait ‘til he gets here. That way, we can ask him first.”

You roll your eyes at Sweetie Belle. For such a smart filly, she can be pretty dense sometimes. “Don’t ya’ see? We’d never sell anything with him here! But if it’s just us… everypony in Ponyville will come! Who wouldn’t want to buy things from cute little fillies such as ourselves?”

Sweetie Belle tweaks her ears and looks at you suspiciously. “Why did you say it like that?”

You hold up a pair of small, red stockings. “Ever see one a’ those magazines your sister has at the back of her book stand?” She nods her head. “Well, did ya’ ever notice all those pretty mares wearing stockings? They do that so ponies will buy stuff!”

Scootaloo perks up at that. “Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of magazines like that at Rainbow Dash’s place too, even some with the Wonderbolts! I bet if we try that, we can sell all this stuff!”

Sweetie Belle looks a bit apprehensive. “Um, I thought they did that to look… sexy.”

“Well, duh, that’s the idea!”

Scootaloo nods her head in agreement. “Yeah, Sweetie Belle. If we can attract their attention with our filly appeal, we can sell them anything we want. It’s perfect!”

Sweetie Belle lays her ears back sheepishly. “I-I don’t know girls… I don’t think it works like that.”

“Come on Sweetie Belle! Quit being such a pansy! Put on the prettiest stockings you can find and let’s earn our cutie marks!”

***

I swear, when I find that filly, I’m gonna tan her hide! Then I’ll get Big Mac to take her to the woodshed! That’ll teach the little varmint!

Fighting your way through the crowd of ponies at the market is not the easiest task. Fortunately, you were able to leave the apple cart in its spot. Trying to drag that heap around right now would probably be impossible. You know they aren’t at Sugarcube Corner, or Carrot would have told you by now. You haven’t seen a minor catastrophe happening anywhere, and there’s nobody screaming uncontrollably. This is either a good sign, or a really bad one.

Eventually, there seems to be a thinning of the herd, and the crowd of ponies slowly opens up into an empty row of stands. After walking around the fairly vacant area for a few minutes, you see something in the distance. It’s hard to make out the details, but it looks like ponies dancing on tables.

What is tarnation is that?

You trot closer, taking more of the scene the closer you get. Eventually you see what you were looking for all along, a big red bow bobbing up and down. Apple Bloom… There’s Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, too. What are they doing? And what are they wearing?!

As soon as you get close enough to really see what’s going on, your jaw drops. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are all jumping around on a table, and they’re all wearing frilly stockings up to their knees!

What kind of horrible pony makes stockings for fillies?! And why in Equestria are my sister and her friends wearing them? You stay in the background, making sure your dull, orange coat doesn’t stand out. Being careful to remain unseen, you get closer to the table and get a good vantage point.

I have to find out who in the hay is responsible for this!

You scope out the area and wait to see what happens. After several minutes of watching the fillies playing around on top of a display table full of merchandise, you notice something moving in the tent. A black curtain opens up and you see a familiar human step out from the darkness.

Anon! Of course it was him!

He walks up to the table and talks to the fillies for a couple of minutes. It’s just a bit too far to hear what they’re saying, but he looks like he’s explaining something to the girls. You watch for a few more moments, unsure of what to do. Finally, you see him reach out and rub Scootaloo on the head, moving down her mane, then going straight for her wings. They spring out to her sides, buzzing slightly as he runs his fingers across their feathers.

Oh, sweet Celestia! What is going on here?

Immediately, you jump over the table you were hiding behind and gallop to the fillies, leaping through the air and snatching Scootaloo from Anon’s vile clutches. Once she’s safely on the ground, you whirl around, facing a very startled looking Anon with a snarl.

“What in the hay do you think you’re doing with these fillies?! You’re lucky I don’t jump over there and double-buck you into next week, you filly-fiddlin’ ape!”

Anon looks completely shocked to see you. He must have thought he could get away with this without anypony noticing.

“Apple Bloom, you and the girls take those stockings off this instant!”

The girls comply, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom grumbling and complaining the whole time. Only Sweetie Belle had the good sense to pipe up and say, “I told you girls this was a bad idea… You never listen!”

“Girls, I don’t know why you’re here, or what you’re doing, but we’re leaving… now! let’s go!” The girls dejectedly trot over to you and gather around. “Anon, I don’t ever want to see you around these fillies… or any other fillies or colts, as long as you’re around these parts! You best stay clear of me and my kin, too. I’ll make sure Big Macintosh knows about this. Let’s go ladies, we’re leaving!” As your herd of little ponies trots behind you in silence, you look back over your shoulder to see a very upset looking Anon watching as you trot away.

I think I better go talk to Twilight about this...

Author's Note

So sorry I took so long to get this chapter finished. As a reward for your patience, I made it a bit longer than the others. Hope you enjoyed!