An Aliens Guide to the Poniod World

by fanaticalfan_Chaoslover

Rating: teen
Tags: Random
Length: 1123

Welcome alien beings to the wonderful land of Equestria!!Pronounciation:E-QUEST-RIA (Just don't say it that slow and pronounced.)

An imformational guide to all the wonderful alien ponies who decided to vist.Just one thing I want to say,YOU WILL MOST LIKELY NOT SURVIVE OR STAY OUT OF LABROTORIES WITHOUT THIS BOOK.This will help you with this "strange" poniod world.
Rated teen for language and implied drinking.:trollestia:

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-18 20:18:57 UTC

The most important stuff...

Hello aliens!The land of Equestria is very pleased that you have come!If you are a reffuge,(you probably are,who would come here willingly?) I have obviously written a guide to help you run aways fit in.First,the most important things,goverment,defeneses and rulers.

RULERS

This land has several rulers.The main monarchs are Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,Gaurdian of the Night.Celestia is the eldest of the two (they are sisters.).Celestia raises the sun every morning and sets it every night.She is not somepony to be messed with.Luna once turned evil so Celestia banished her to the moon for 1,000 fucking YEARS.

Luna is the youngest of the two,she raises and sets the moon every morning and night.She is nocturnal and has the magical ability to dreamwalk,or in other words,walk into your dreams to help you overcome issues and help you cope with nightmares.Luna is also a intense gamer.Never challenge her to a video game.Luna will kick your sorry plot to your home planet.

Now there is Princess Cadence,she is the sole ruler of The Crystal Empire.She is also married to the former Captin of the Royal Canterlot Gaurd (RCG),now he is Prince Shining Armor,General of the Crystal Army.Cadence is the Princess of love,like Celestia and Luna are Princesses of the sun and moon.She has the ability to spread love and strengthen love so she can turn a fighting couple to the most loving couple in Equestria.

Lastly,there is Princess Twilight Sparkle.She is definatly the youngest of the four.If I wasn't allowing myself to put my personal political beliefs,I would go on ranting.Sparkle is the Princess of magic and head of the Friendship Counsul.She is also the younger sister of Prince Shining Armor.She was origanally a unicorn,but she proved herself worthy,and agianst everyones objections,she became an alicorn.Then everyone's nightmares came true and she got a castle.

DEFENESES

One of the defeneses are the princess themselves.They are some of the most powerful ponies in the world,espesially Twilight Sparkle.The other defenses and the other most powerful ponies in the world are the Elements of Harmony.The bearers of the Elements are listed:Loyalty;Rainbow Dash,Honesty;Applejack,Generousity;Rarity,Laughter;Pinkie Pie,Kindness;Fluttershy and Magic;Twilight Sparkle.They are very magical and mysterious,therefor,nobody knows how they work.They are currently residing in the Tree of Harmony.

GOVERMENT

This land is ruled by a quadarchy,Princess Luna,Princess Celestia,Princess Cadence and Princess Twilight freaking Sparkle.There is the rule o law that exists to everyone,but on the princesses it is obviously harsher,I mean,come on!Luna is possessed by a demon,so you punish her instead of saving her and punishing the nightmare force?Jeez louise.I could say that this magical land is ruled by ever present harmony and friendship but I would be lying.It is also a very bullshity answer.It is ruled by a semi oppressive ruler and a really awesome one (LUNA).It has a court system and everything so my guess is that it is similar to MOST of your planets.

Equestria is ruled by the immortal princesses,forming a quadarchy and a very strong alliance practically joining together the two kingdoms of Equestria and The Crystal Empire.

Recommened cities to stay and places to go!!!

CITIES TO STAY AT

Now,places to stay;I think the best place to stay would be Manehatten,so if you don't change your alien form,get a job as a taxi driver and no one will question it.If you do change form,stick to the big cities like,Canterlot,Manehatten,Fillydalphia and so on.Nopony will question your weirdness unless you really ARE stupid...In that case,I can see why you're here instead of your home planet,probably screwed up bad a whole bunch.

PLACES TO GO

One that I suggest is the Canterlot Park,if you can,the Royal Canterlot Gardens if you're that kind of pony.If you aren't,I suggest you go to the public park at dark if you are young and hot.Ponies are always finding beer bottles the next morning.Just clear out before sunrise,if you don't the coppers will get you.There is also a nice bar and grill across town from the castle on Sunset Dr..Can't miss it.But again,if you aren't the kind of pony to only get one beer and a burger,go at night.At night,IT.IS.HELL.Beer galore,bar fights,pool,fuse ball,one or two unconscious bodies,ponies getting thrown out every 5 minutes,heaven.I also suggest every single night club in Lower Canterlot and Manehatten.Lower Canterlot is on the lower part of the mountain where all the good night clubs are and where the life of Canterlot is.All your thieves,party animals and other "lower class filth" come from and live.BEST.PLACE.EVVVVVER.There is always a really great one in Ponyville,its where all the great heavy metal artists and ACTUAL musicians such as them started with some of their first gigs.That is where the great DJ-PON3 started.It is also where all nightclub owners went for inspiration,but they never were able to replicate the atmosphere,sucsess,and the mood of it all.IT IS THE BEST.

GRAMMER.Very important.

GRAMMER

The lingo of this place is very different.Here is a list of words that have been altered to make since in this world:

EQUESTRIA: JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE:

everypony everybody

nopony nobody

Manehatten Manhatten

Philiedalphia Fillydalpheia

pony/ponies person/people/insert species/insert species plural

hooves feet/legs and hands/arms

alicorn God/Gods

Elements of Harmony rainbow nuculear bomb

By the way,this is a list of certain words that are very common;

Cutie Mark:It is the mark of ones destiny tattoed on their flank.When ponies are little colts and fillies of about the ages of 8-13 they find their special,unique talent or their destiny,then,once they show an example of skill and realize their special talent,there is a flash of light,then a representation of that talent is permantly stuck on your flank.You can never tell if somepony is looking at your cutie mark,or admiring your flank.

Earth ponies:They are the ponies without wings or horns that are the race that grow our food.Well,most.

Unicorns:They are the ponies who most directly use magic,each race has their own type of magic,they can levitate things,manipulate them (not living things,mind you.),teleport and conjure items.They can also use magic for other spells.

Pegisai:These ponies have wings to fly and can manipulate the weather.

Alicorns:The only alicorns are the princesses.Natural born Alicorns,like Celestia and Luna,have traits of all three tribes,Pegisai wings,Unicorn horns (they have more advanced magic though.) and,Earth pony strength.Other Alicorns such as Twilight and Cadence,they only have the horns and wings,the distinguishing feature between those types of Alicorns and other races is that they have wings and horns.Also,all Alicorns have what is called "height that makes them look superior and important".Yes,it is true,Alicorns are taller than normal ponies.Since Celestia is a fully-grown Alicorn,she towers over everypony.Cadence and Luna are not yet fully grown,they are only a inch or two taller than the average stallion.Twilight is considered a "child" alicorn and is only as tall as the average stallion.