Santa Hooves isn't Real

by Mayhew Cullen

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Dinky Hooves, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3371

Luna, the princess of dreams, has spent many nights giving her protection to the sleeping ponies of Equestria. One such night in early winter Luna discovered the greatest lie ever told to her little ponies; the lie that is Santa Hooves.

Luna has spent the few months since her return waging a war against the nightmares that plague those who she protects. Upon reaching the dreams of one particularly little unicorn Luna has discovered the greatest deception she could imagine at the heart of the coming holidays.

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Okay I had a lot of fun writing this. It will actually happily fit into two different contests. One on Nonpareil Fiction and one of Luna has the best Contests. So this will be fun, I haven't entered a contest since "A Mother's Love" Anyway on to the cover art shout out.

I found a picture of Luna wearing a Santa hat... HERE

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Published 2014-12-19 17:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-19 17:50:02 UTC

but Santa Claus is.

Luna grinned warmly as she wandered a quiet dream world. Her work had been light on this particular evening and little else made her happier than seeing her ponies sleeping peacefully. It was true that she welcomed the ponies’ thanks and adoration when she dispelled their fears, but she had learned that their health and happiness was far more important than some perceived reward. It had partially been that kind of selfishness that had led to her... faux pas in the past.

However, a quiet winter night was too much to ask for as a filly’s weeping echoed across an otherwise calm dreamscape. The princess of night charged without hesitation, skimming gracefully over the gleaming surfaces of the vision fields. Luna then in a burst of speed suddenly tilted her wings to change direction and send her effortlessly into the dream of the despairing filly.

However despite her haste, the princess knew better than to simply dive headlong into any pony’s subconscious. So just under the surface of the space between light and darkness, Luna observed a small light purple filly crying alone in front of a fireplace. At a better time she would have smiled at how the young unicorn’s yellow mane and tail matched her stunning eyes, reminding her of another pony she had met in the past few months.

Having sensed no danger to herself or the filly, Luna allowed herself to materialize and asked politely, “Pardon me little one, but may we sit here?”

To say the filly was surprised would have been an understatement. Dinky Hooves nearly jumped out of her skin as she leapt away from the intruder to her dreams and nearly tumbled into the roaring fireplace. If she had not been caught by Luna’s magic the filly surely would have woken without giving Luna the chance to address her tiny subject.

After being gently placed on the ground Dinky looked up in awe at the alicorn standing before her and it didn’t take long to notice the crown on Luna’s head. “Are you Princess Luna?” The young pony’s question was quickly answered with a regal nod and a gentle smile prompting Dinky to continue, “Mommy told me about you. She said you raise the moon and make the beautiful night sky.”

Luna’s already wide smile only grew at hearing such warm appreciation for her artwork. Despite her thoughts to the contrary, she continuously loved basking in her ponies' praise and adoration. Still she was careful in choosing her words as she replied with grace, “Thank you little one, does thou frequently relish in our nocturnal firmament?” Dinky was confused to say the least and Luna immediately knew why. The old Equestrian and the royal ‘we’ were not something fillies and colts of this age could readily understand. So with a smooth bow of consent to her own mistake Luna repeated in a far more contemporary meter, “We- I apologize, I have been away so long that I am not yet used to the changes in speech. I was simply asking if you liked viewing the night sky.”

Luna’s joy erupted when she saw immediate understanding in the filly’s eyes as Dinky excitedly answered, “Yes Princess! Mommy takes me to the edge of town every weekend so I can look at the stars. I even asked Santa Hooves for a telescope... but I guess...” The silence of Dinky’s final pause was palpable. An obvious sadness welled up from her tiny subject, but Luna was confident she could find out more as long as she remained subtle.

Then again there was one important question, “Who is Santa Hooves? Is he a relative of yours?” The princess nearly slapped herself. So much for subtlety, if Mister Hooves was a relative it could easily be that the filly was sad because he had... passed on. She quickly fell silent and waited patiently for Dinky to begin crying.

Instead the young pony simply shuffled her hooves slightly before answering in a softened tone, “Well Santa Hooves brings presents to all the good colts and fillies all around Equestria on Hearth’s Warming. He-” Dinky interrupted herself quickly having caught herself nearly lying to a princess, “Well I guess he doesn’t, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon told me that he isn’t real after Miss Cheerilee asked what everypony wanted for Hearth’s Warming this year. Then they made fun of Mommy again. They said she was too dumb to make enough money to buy me a telescope.”

Luna quickly found herself angry that Celestia would not let her build a dungeon for bad ponies. Still she had a little filly to help and she quickly offered her own words of comfort, “That is awful, has your teacher spoken to them for their cruelty.”

“Of course Princess, but I’m not mad at them. Mommy says they’re mean to me because they don’t have mommies. She says I should forgive them and feel bad for them. I know Mommy can’t afford to buy me a telescope, but I do wish they would stop calling her dumb.” Luna immediately felt overcome at the thought that a little filly had defeated her. This little pony and her mother were obviously among the kindest of ponies and she found herself wanting to know more.

“Why do they say your mother is dumb, obviously she has been wise enough to raise a kind hearted filly such as yourself?” Luna’s concern was evident in her voice and she allowed herself to lay down on the floor so she could be at a more equal height to her subje- No! She was at a more equal height with one of her equals. She almost laughed at the thought that a filly had taught her a lesson that Celestia had tried to teach her for centuries.

Dinky averted her gaze as she considered how to best answer her princess. Then with a heavy sigh Dinky replied, “Her eyes... she has a condition that makes her eyes not line up and Diamond and Spoon say it’s because she’s too stupid to look straight, but I know Mommy doesn’t need to fix her eyes, because she’s perfect just the way she is. She’s smart and nice and she might be a little clumsy, but she’s always happy no matter what.”

Luna nearly hugged Dinky, “You need not convince me of your mother’s virtues. I have already seen how wonderful she is by how she had cared for you.”

The two spent the rest of Dinky’s dream talking of many things including her mother and older sister. Dinky finally introduced herself and Luna found herself insisting that her young... friend call her Luna.

The morning after however, Luna spent hours reading anything she could find about Santa Hooves. She found that he was a jolly red coated reindeer with a beard and a sleigh pulled by eight or nine Pegasi. The exact number apparently depended on fog though some texts claimed that the ninth Pegasus was actually an alicorn, but that didn’t really matter. All she knew was that time magic of the highest caliber would have to be involved if he were to deliver presents to all the good fillies and colts all over Equestria in one night. Though it wasn’t as if the magic was impossible, in truth the magic required was simply too much for even Celestia or herself to use safely.

Quite simply the spell would destroy the very fabric of magic in Equestria. Then again even if Santa Hooves could manage to make the spell matrix stable, there would be long lasting magical evidence of the temporal tampering. The lack of that evidence led Luna to one conclusion, Santa Hooves did not exist and every mother and father in Equestria told their children the same lie.

Just as her ire was about to peak Luna remembered Dinky. If Santa Hooves did not exist, then parents had to be the ones giving their children presents in his name, but Dinky’s mother could not afford to buy Dinky the only thing she asked for, for herself. Luna smiled as she recalled Dinky’s list of things she wanted Santa Hooves to bring her. The telescope obviously, but in addition she asked that he help Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon become less mean so that they could make more friends. She asked that he give treats to the squirrels living in the tree outside her window and last she asked that her mother’s employer get something nice because of how nice he was to both her mommy and herself.

Still, there was no Santa Hooves and even being a princess she could not bring everything Dinky asked for, much less everything every foal in Equestria asked for. Luna would not let this deter her, even if she could not give to everypony, she would at least give to the filly who brought this injustice to her attention.

The nights leading up to Hearth’s Warming Eve passed quickly as Luna busied herself building a telescope for a wonderful little filly. With her magic and careful patience she fashioned every part needed to make a perfect final product. It wasn’t until the assembly that she noticed the sadness in her heart that she could not be Santa Hooves for all her little ponies. Perhaps next year, when she had more time to plan she could find more ponies deserving of her attention.

Finally the night had come. Cloaked in shadows Luna waited patiently for her Dinky and her mother to fall asleep. Or at least wait for Dinky to fall asleep as it seemed the grey Pegasus had to leave the house for a late night shift.

Derpy Hooves warmly tucked her youngest daughter into bed before leaving her elder daughter in charge promising to return before dawn. Amethyst Star spent a few minutes hiding her own gifts for her family under their Hearth’s Warming tree before finally finding her own restful night in the comfort of her bed. This of course was when Luna made her move.

Still cloaked in a silencing spell she carefully approached the house with her gift on her back. She allowed a short burst teleportation through the front door and immediately searched her surroundings to make sure she had enough space to move around.

After determining that she had barely enough room to move if she kept her wings folded to her sides, Luna began quietly searching house. She found her quarry with relative ease and smiled to herself as she began assembling the telescope so it would be the first thing Dinky saw when she checked the tree.

Then she remembered another part of being Santa Hooves, the cookies and milk. With an experienced application of magic, Luna lifted the first cookie toward her lips when she was suddenly interrupted by the sudden vocalization of the deepest voice Luna had ever heard.

“Oh dear Luna, it isn’t nice to take things that don’t belong to you.” Luna shivered as she returned the cookie to the tray, the voice sounded so calm, stern and strict, but warm and inviting. It was as if joy and kindness were wrapped up with love and made into this pony’s voice.

To say the least, Princess Luna was not amused. She had no time for intruders and without warning she turned on her accuser and responded with a far less jovial tone, “Do not speak to us of right and wrong, villainous intruder. We will not allow thee to ransack our subject’s home on this most holy of-" Luna suddenly stopped when her eyes finally adjusted enough to make out the identity of who she was taking to.

He had a deep red fur coat, a snow white beard, and a red hat with white trim. He stood as tall as Celestia on two boot clad feet. Again Luna shivered, aside from being bipedal; this stranger was the very incarnation of, “Santa Hooves?”

The tall creature’s laughter seemed to echo like the sound of silver bells mixed with the crackling of a warm fire and the howl of a winter wind. The sound filled Luna with joy like that of a little filly. It almost seemed that everything could be right in the world if she just listened to the sound of his laughter.

“Oh dear me, please forgive me but it has been so long since one of you little ponies has called me that. Now those who know me here call me Claus as they do where I come from.”

Luna raised an eyebrow in confusion. Why would ponies call him Claws if he wore gloves that seemed to perfectly hide such things? Still she would not question that as she was sure to gain more information by being polite, “Very well, however as we are known to thee, we must ask for thy name.”

Luna was truly about ready to kick this Claws fellow as he merrily smiled as if she had told him an amusing anecdote. Still he was amicable in his response, “Names are funny things Luna, and I have been called by so many that I have come to feel that each of them is mine. Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, Nicholas, and Santa Claus are among the more popular.”

The still slightly perturbed alicorn princess considered for a moment before nodding at her final decision, “Very well we will call you Claws, but we must ask that thou address us properly if you wish to remain on our good side.”

Claus shook with silent laughter for barely a moment before replying, “Princes and princesses, beggars and vagrants are all equal in His eyes. Besides, Luna is important enough that she should not need a title to tell her how important she is.”

While Luna was normally cold to such juvenile flattery she found her cheeks warming at the sincerity in Santa Claus’s tone. Unlike the sycophantic nobility whose compliments were only placed to curry favor, this Claus fellow only spoke the words because he meant them with no thought as to his own gain.

Luna slowly averted her gaze speaking softly as she finally brought up the topic Santa Claus had been waiting for, “If thou are real, then how can I not feel the effects of your magic?”

“Because as you know such magic would destroy this world if I tried to give gifts across Equestria. Still I have too much love in my heart to abandon this world. So I have employed several thousand Pegasi to deliver presents in secret every year. Now tell me, how do you justify giving a gift in my name to only one pony? Is it because you happened to see her dream? Or is it because she stroked your ego with her compliments of your work?”

Luna was struck silent, she knew that she was being selfish, but she had made plans to give more in the coming years. “I have others in mind, I’ve made notes and lists and I am watching their dreams and-“

“Luna... it shouldn’t be done that way... it can’t be done that way. Would you have gone to all this trouble if Dinky had asked for a butterfly catching net or some other toy that would see more use in the day?”

Luna swallowed hard. It was true; she had only made this effort because of Dinky’s love of her night sky. Tears welled up in the alicorn’s eyes as she fell to her knees in front of the true spirit of Hearth’s Warming, “I’m sorry, please what should I do?”

After chuckling slightly, Santa Claus smiled warmly as he spoke, “Just wait, I’m sure the answer will come to you if you let it.”

At that moment two loud thuds and a plume of ash came from the fireplace. Coughing came heavily from two gray Pegasi that began walking out of the cloud only to stop in surprise at seeing Princess Luna and Santa Claus. The first in line had a shorter yellow mane that was not yet entirely obscured by ashes and she gave a salute as she spoke with a healthy amount of nervousness at who was in the room with her, “I’m sorry sir. I mean I know I was supposed to come alone, but my house is usually on Fluttershy’s route and she just wanted one of my cookies. I tried to tell her she could have as many as she wanted if she came during the day.”

Then the mare now hiding behind her long ash laden mane squeaked out her own nervous response, “I’m sorry, but Derpy’s cookies taste so good and um... sorry... would you like one?”

Santa laughed joyfully patting both filthy mares on the head before speaking, “Derpy, you should know better that I will never be mad at you for being generous and kind to your sister and Fluttershy, yes a cookie would be delightful, thank you.”

With a warm grin Fluttershy ran to the plate of cookies and carefully lifted one with her wing and another with her teeth. As this went on Derpy gave an envelope to Luna with a wide smile.

In spite of the ashen smudges, Luna could still make out her name and carefully opened the letter with her magic. Inside was a mostly blank tag that read

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To: Dinky

From:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The tag even had enough space for a little note from the sender to the receiver. Luna smiled when she thought of the perfect things to fill the empty space with.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were notorious among the youths of Ponyville. Still even though most of their peers despised them they felt it was better to be hated than pitied. It was one of the reasons they were so relentless with Dinky. After all, why was the daughter of that half blind idiot Pegasus allowed to pity them?

Then as if merely thinking her name had attracted her, Dinky appeared out of nowhere giving the pair of bullies a hug that wrapped around both of them at once. “Oh thank you thank you thank you! This is the best Hearth’s Warming present ever! My mommy made these; I want you to have some.”

At that Dinky forced a pair of muffins into their hooves and was off and running to show the telescope strapped to her back to her friends.

Diamond Tiara gave her friend a blank look while Silver Spoon simply stared at the tantalizing muffin. After a moment of Shock the pair noticed a slip of paper on the ground that read.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To: Dinky

From: Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon

We’re really sorry we’ve been mean to you. It’s probably not enough to make up for it, but we got you this Telescope. Hopefully someday you can forgive us for being so cruel.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Diamond looked to Silver Spoon and after taking a bite of her muffin and watching her friend do the same she asked, “Spoony, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so D.T., but we’re already naked.”

Diamond Tiara nearly slammed her muffin into her face at her friend’s insane outburst. Fortunately the muffin found a delightful home in her mouth. A little chewing and a hearty swallow later Diamond Tiara corrected her partner in crime, “No you blithering nincompoop, if we stop being mean to Dinky, maybe we can get more of these muffins.”

From afar Luna smiled. It hadn’t gone exactly as she had planned, but perhaps after being nice to Dinky for a long enough time the bullies would start being nice without the promise of baked goods. Or like with her sister the prolonged exposure to delicious pastries would restrain their violent tendencies.

All in all, Luna decided that Hearth’s Warming was among her favorite times of year and while Santa Hooves was not real, the spirit of generosity and kindness that he represented was most certainly very real.

Author's Note

In my headcanon THIS

Merry Christmas, I'll see you at the next chapter.