Who’s on First Dashie!

by sonicfan05

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie (EqG), Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 3856

Pinkie Pie told Rainbow Dash the good news that Rainbow Dash is now the member of the All Star Baseball Team! Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie Pie her simple question: Who's on First?

One day, Pinkie Pie visits Rainbow Dash on the school's field to tell her that Rainbow Dash is now the new member of the All Star Baseball Team! Rainbow Dash is very excited with the news but she doesn't know any of the players she is going to play with. So Rainbow Dash ask Pinkie Pie for the names of the players and...hijinks ensues.

This story is based on Abbot and Costello's most famous skit: Who's on First!

Human Pinkie Vector by: MLP-Mayhem
Rainbow Dash Vector by: SketchMCreations
The rest of the cover art is made by me!

Published 2014-12-20 15:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-20 15:30:03 UTC

Who's on First?

It was a hot day at Canterlot High and Rainbow Dash was at the soccer field practicing her kicks at the goal. She stared at the goal net with her right foot hovered behind the soccer ball, as she tried to concentrate on her next kick. Just as Rainbow Dash was about to kick the ball…

“Hey Rainbow Dash!”

The loud cheerful voice broke Rainbow’s concentration as she kicked the ball, completely missed the net and crashed through one of the classroom’s windows.

“Oh great,” Rainbow muttered. “I’m going to get in detention for breaking one of the windows…again.”

Rainbow Dash turned to see who interrupted her and possibly got her into trouble in the process only to find her best friend Pinkie Pie happily skipped towards her. Rainbow was about to scold Pinkie for sneaking up on her and the window issue, but that was quickly forgotten when Rainbow noticed that Pinkie Pie was wearing a cheerleading uniform instead of her usual attire.

“Hey Pinkie…what up with the uniform you’re wearing?” asked Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie giggled. “It’s a cheerleading outfit silly!”

Rainbow sighed with irritation. “I know what you’re wearing Pinkie, I meant why are you wearing a cheerleading outfit? Last I checked you never joined any of the school’s sports teams, let alone a cheerleading group.”

“You’re right, I never joined our school’s cheerleading group,” Pinkie chirped. “But I DID joined a cheerleading group for Equestria’s All Star Baseball Team!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes bugged out. “NO WAY! The All Star Baseball Team is filled with mixed elite girl players from various schools of Equestria, even from the Wonderbolts Academy! How did you join their team?”

“Well, a couple of days ago during my shift at the Sugarcube Corner Café, I was cleaning the tables until I heard someone coughing really loudly,” Pinkie ranted. “I looked up and I saw a guy with dark blue hair who was the one who kept coughing and an orange hair girl who was with him was calling everyone for help. I knew this guy was probably choking from one of the desserts he ate. Luckily, I knew how to handle situations in case if someone chokes, so I went up behind the guy, performed a Heimlich maneuver, which is placing a fist and my other hand over the victim’s stomach and keep pumping him upwards until the food pops out of his mouth. After that, he began to breathe normal again. Turns out, the person I saved was Soarin from the Wonderbolts Academy! Apparently, he was choking on a huge piece of cheery pie that day. Who knew? And the girl he was with turned out to be…oh what’s her name? Crossfire? Sapphire? Spatfire?”

“Spitfire!?!” Rainbow cried with a shock look on her face.

“Yeah that’s her name! Spitfire! She thanked me for saving her friend’s life and was impressed with my quick thinking and asked if there is anything she can do to pay me back. Of course I said I don’t need anything from her but she wouldn’t have it. Soaring pointed out they still need the captain of the cheerleading team for their All Star team and asked me if I was interested in joining them. After some discussions, conditions, and promised to promote our café, I finally decided to officially join the All Star Cheerleading Baseball Team as of today!” Pinkie smiled with a squee sound.

Rainbow Dash stared at Pinkie with a look of disbelief while her mouth was hanging open.

“NO WAY!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I worked so hard to try to join their team for years! But you get to be on their team after you saved one of the Wonderbolts life for only a day? That’s so unfair! You don’t even know what sport-”

Rainbow stopped herself when she saw Pinkie’s hurt look on her face.

Rainbow sighed dejectedly. “I’m sorry Pinkie, I am happy for you…I really do…but joining the All Star Baseball Team was one of my dreams. I felt that you got in the easy way while I’m still trying to get in despite my good sport background. I guess I’m not good enough to be an All Star.”

Pinkie smiled with a look of understanding. She gave Rainbow Dash her one-arm hug. “AW don’t be sad Dashie!” said Pinkie. “You are good enough to be an All Star player. Besides, I’m not the only one who is joining their team!”

“Wh- What?” Rainbow Dash uttered as she broke out of Pinkie’s hug.

Pinkie gave Rainbow a full tooth smile. “That’s why I’m here! One of MY conditions of joining their team is to have you join their team too!”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Pinkie asked the two Wonderbolts members to include her in on the team as well. An overwhelming happiness filled in her chest and her eyes sparkled.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!” Rainbow squealed in her fangirl trance.

Rainbow then gave Pinkie her hug. “Pinkie, you have no idea how happy you made me feel right now!”

Pinkie giggled as she returned her hug. “I think I do!”

Rainbow released her hug from Pinkie. “Thank you so much for giving me this chance! I don’t care how random you may be, but you are the most awesome friend I know!”

“Aw, thanks Dashie, you’re the most awesome friend I know too…and so does our other friends!” Pinkie said modestly. “But don’t thank me yet, I have one more good news for you!”

“Really, what is it?” Rainbow asked eagerly. “Am I also enrolled to the Wonderbolts Academy? Am I going to train with one of the Wonderbolts or even better, with Spitfire herself? Tell me!”

Pinkie smiled. “Spitfire broke her leg.”

Rainbow Dash’s excitement was quickly replaced with a look of horror. “What! Spitfire broke her leg?”

Pinkie nodded. “Yea! Apparently, as she was leaving the Café with Soarin, she didn’t noticed that same piece of pie that was what caused to choke Soarin on the floor and slipped on it. As a result…she won’t be playing with her team for a little while.”

For the second time today, Rainbow’s eyes bugged out. “What! How was that good news?” said Rainbow Dash. “She’s the captain of the Wonderbolts and All Star team! As much as I am upset for not be able to play with her, how are we going to play baseball without a captain?”

Pinkie, oblivious to Rainbow’s outburst replied, “That’s where this other part of the news comes in and the reason how I got you to join in the first place.”

Intrigued, Rainbow asked, “What is the other part of the news?”

Pinkie smiled. “You are now the captain of the All Star Baseball team!”

Rainbow jaw dropped. She secretly pinched her arm to check if she was dreaming. Her minor pain from her pinch confirmed that she isn’t.

“You serious? I am now the captain of the team!?!” Rainbow asked while her eyes sparkled with glee.

Pinkie nodded happily. “Yep, since Spitfire is out of commission, I suggested you because you are a very, very good player and thought you be perfect for the job. After she heard and checked your background, she decided to give you a chance!”

Rainbow made a full tooth smile at that. “Aw yeah! This is officially the best day of my life…minus that Spitfire broke her leg.”

Rainbow once again hugged Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie, of all the awesomeness you did for me, this is definitely on top of my list! How can I thank you?”

Pinkie hugged back. “You don’t have to thank me Dashie, it’s what friends do! But, you can thank me by playing the All Star game with your new teammates!”

Rainbow eyes widened with panic as Pinkie said those words. She quickly stepped back from Pinkie’s hug. “Oh no! I totally forgot about the other players!”

Pinkie titled her head. “What’s wrong Dashie? You don’t want to play with the other players?”

“It’s not that Pinkie," Rainbow Dash replied. "It’s just that now I’m the captain of the All Star baseball team, it is now my responsibility to know everything about our team… and I don’t even know who is going to be playing on the team!”

“Oh, is that all?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“What do you mean is that all?” Rainbow exclaimed. “It’s important to know who is playing. From what I learned as the captain of the Wondercolts, is in order to be a great team, you have to know the strengths and weakness of each players and work with them… and knowing their names is the first step!”

Pinkie titled her head, confused with Rainbow’s words. “I thought you knew everything about the All Star Baseball Team.”

“I do! But in every season, they chose different players based on how well they played overall from their schools. There are a few players who become a permanent player if they’re really good! Spitfire is one of them! But now that she can’t play due to her injury, I won’t be able to know who is playing on our team without her telling me about them!” Rainbow explained.

Pinkie giggled. “Well why didn’t you just say so! Lucky for you, Spitfire already told me the names of every player who is going to play on our team.”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked with hope.

Pinkie nodded. “Yep. But keep in mind, the players you’re playing with preferred to have funny nicknames when playing on our team.”

Rainbow nodded. “Yea, that makes sense. Most players like to have cool nicknames when playing on the field. Like me for example, I like it when everyone calls me ‘The Dash’ because it sounds cooler that way!”

“Ooh ooh, I have some nicknames myself from the other students too!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “Like the ‘Crazy One,’ the ‘Random Girl,’ and the ‘Insane One!’

Rainbow blinked. “Uh Pinkie… I don’t think those are very nice nicknames.”

Pinkie stared at Rainbow Dash with a confused look on her face. “They’re not?”

“No, it sounds like they were making fun of you behind your back,” Rainbow Dash explained.

Pinkie smiled. “Oh! Well if they want to have fun with me then they should’ve asked!”

“That’s not what I… never mind. Will you please tell me names who are on that team?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Sure thing Dashie!” Pinkie cheerfully replied.

Pinkie tapped her finger on her chin in thought. “Let’s see, we have Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…”

Rainbow Dash suddenly interrupted Pinkie. “Uh Pinkie, that’s what I want to know. I want to know the player’s names.”

Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash her confused look. “I’m telling you Dashie, Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know is on third…”

Rainbow Dash interrupted Pinkie again. “Pinkie…are you sure you know all the players names?”

“Of course I know the players names Dashie! Why wouldn’t I?” said Pinkie Pie.

“Well how can I be the captain of the team if you won’t tell me their names?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“But I AM telling you the names and you interrupted me!” answered Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Fine, then who’s on first?”

“Yes,” Pinkie answered.

“I mean that girl’s name,” Rainbow clarified.

“Who.”

“The girl on first!”

“Who.”

“The first baseman!”

“Who.”

“The girl playing!”

“Who is on first Dashie!”

“I’m asking YOU who’s on first!”

“That’s the girl’s name.”

“That’s who’s name?”

“Yep.”

“Who?”

“Yes.”

Rainbow Dash scratched her head with her confused look on her face.

Is Pinkie messing with me? Rainbow thought.

“Pinkie…do we really have our first baseman?” Rainbow asked.

“Of course we have our first baseman silly!” Pinkie answered.

“Then who’s playing first?” asked Rainbow.

“That’s right~!” Pinkie said in her singsong voice.

Rainbow sighed in frustration. Okay, this isn’t working. I don’t know if Pinkie is messing with me or not but I really want to know who that player is. I guess I’m gonna have to take this another approach!

“Okay Pinkie, when you pay off to the first baseman at every game, who gets the money?” Rainbow asked.

“Yep, every dollar of it!” said Pinkie.

Rainbow gave Pinkie her confused look. “Who?”

“Yep. Sometimes her boyfriend comes down and collects it,” said Pinkie.

“Who’s boyfriend?” Rainbow asked.

“Yes, is there a problem with having her boyfriend collect the money for her?” said Pinkie as she narrowed her eyes at Rainbow.

Rainbow raised both her hands in defense. “No, of…of course not, I was just-”

Realizing she was getting off topic, Rainbow shook her head in frustration. “Look Pinkie, I’m trying to figure out what’s the girl’s name on first base!”

Pinkie shook her head. “No Dashie, What is on the second base!”

Rainbow’s left eye began to twitch. “I’m not asking you who’s on second!”

“Who’s on first!” said Pinkie.

“Pinkie, for crying out loud, one base at a time!” Rainbow said who was beginning to feel aggravated.

“Well don’t change the players around Dashie!” Pinkie whined.

“I’M NOT CHANGING ANYBODY!” Rainbow shouted!

Pinkie stepped away from her friend’s sudden anger. “Whoa, calm down Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash calmed down after she realized her temper was scaring her friend. “I’m sorry Pinkie, I just want to know who’s the girl on first base?”

Pinkie smiled reassuringly. “That’s correct Dashie.”

“Ok good, I-”

Rainbow’s temper almost returned again after she realized that Pinkie didn’t really answer her question.

“PINKIE, what’s the girl’s name on first base?” Rainbow demanded.

“Oh no Dashie, What is on second,” Pinkie insisted.

“I’m not asking you who’s on second!” Rainbow said loudly.

“Who’s on first.” Pinkie said just as loudly.

Rainbow huffed and threw her arms up. “I don’t know!”

“Oh she’s on third base, but we’re not talking about her,” Pinkie said.

Rainbow was flabbergasted from Pinkie’s words. “Wha- how the heck did I wound up on third base?”

“You mentioned her name silly!” Pinkie said.

“I never mentioned anybody!” Rainbow complained.

“But you did,” Pinkie claimed.

Rainbow sighed. “Well then, what’s the girl’s name on third?”

Pinkie shook her head. “No no, What’s on second!”

“I’m not asking you who’s on second!”

“Who’s on first!”

“I don’t know!”

Pinkie pointed towards the field. “She’s on third!”

Rainbow growled and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ah geeze, we’re back on third again! Pinkie, make up your mind!”

Pinkie pointed at Rainbow. “But you’re the one who isn’t making up your mind!”

Rainbow sighed. “Look Pinkie, can you please just stick with third base and only the third base?”

“Alright Dashie, what do you want to know?” Pinkie asked calmly.

“What is the girl’s name on third base?” Rainbow asked.

Pinkie shook her head. “What is the girl’s name on second!”

“I’m not asking you who’s on second!” Rainbow said loudly.

“Who’s on first!”

“I don’t know!”

“THIRD BASE!” Both girls cried out in unison as they both pointed towards the field.

Rainbow growled. “Pinkie, are you messing with me?”

Pinkie gave Rainbow her puppy-dog eyes. “No of course not Dashie. Why would I be messing you?”

Rainbow gave Pinkie her flat look. “…alright, let’s try something else. Do we have an outfield?”

Pinkie nodded. “Of course we do Dashie.”

“We really have an outfield?” Rainbow asked with suspicion.

Pinkie nodded again. “Yep!”

Rainbow paused for a moment before she said, “Okay, left fielder’s name?”

“Why.”

Rainbow blinked. “Uh…I just thought I ask you.”

“Well I just thought I’d tell you,” said Pinkie.

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “Then tell me who’s playing left field?”

Pinkie huffed. “Who is playing first!”

Rainbow was starting to lose her patience. “Pinkie, for crying out loud, stay out of the infield!”

“Well then don’t mention the players names from the outfield!” Pinkie complained.

Despite her frustration, Rainbow tried her best to keep herself calm. “Look, I just want to know what’s the girl’s name on the left field?”

“What’s on second!” said Pinkie.

“I’m not asking you who’s on second!” Rainbow said loudly.

“Who’s on first!”

“I don’t know!”

“THIRD BASE!” Both cried out and pointed towards the field in unison again.

Rainbow growled loudly in anger as she grinds her teeth.

Pinkie tried to calm her friend down. “Hey, take it easy Dashie!”

“I’ll take it easy if you tell me the left fielder’s name!” Rainbow retorted.

“Why.”

“Because!” Rainbow shouted.

Pinkie smiled. “Oh she’s centerfield!”

Rainbow facepalmed.

Okay, this is getting ridiculous! Rainbow thought.

Rainbow then slowly dragged her hand across her face while giving Pinkie her annoyed expression.

“Do we have a pitcher on our team Pinkie?” Rainbow asked.

“Of course we do! We wouldn’t have a team without our pitcher~!” Pinkie said with so much enthusiasm in her voice.

Rainbow nodded. “Okay, then can you tell me the pitcher’s name?”

“Tomorrow,” Pinkie answered.

“What the- you’re not going to tell me today?” Rainbow asked with disbelief.

“I’m telling you right now!” said Pinkie.

“Okay, then tell me!” Rainbow urged

“Tomorrow,” Pinkie answered again.

Rainbow frowned. “I thought you said you’re- alright fine, what time?”

“What time what?” Pinkie asked with her confused look.

“What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who’s pitching?” Rainbow clarified.

Pinkie shook her head. “Listen Dashie, Who is…”

“I’LL KICK YOUR BUTT IF YOU SAY WHO’S ON FIRST!” Rainbow shouted angrily.

Pinkie raised her hands in defense. “Whoa, relax Dashie!”

Rainbow sighed. “I’m sorry Pinkie, I just want to know what’s the pitchers’ name!”

“What’s on second.”

“I don’t know!”

“THIRD BASE!” They both cried out and pointed towards the field yet again.

Rainbow was very angry at this point. “PINKIE QUIT MESSING WITH ME!”

“But I wasn’t messing with you Dashie!” Pinkie reassured her.

“Really?”

“Yes really!

Pinkie placed her right hand where her heart is while she raised her left hand. “I Pinkie Promise you that I wasn’t messing with you this whole time.”

Rainbow Dash studied Pinkie’s face for a moment to see if Pinkie was telling the truth. When she realize that Pinkie was not lying, Rainbow sighed.

“Alright…do we have a catcher?”

“Yep!” Pinkie replied.

“The catcher’s name?” Rainbow asked.

“Today.”

Rainbow blinked. “…so today…and tomorrow’s pitching?”

“Yep, you got it!” Pinkie said with a smile.

“Oh great, so that means we have a couple of days on the team!” Rainbow complained.

“But I can’t help that Dashie! Especially on Taco Tuesday!” said Pinkie.

Rainbow stared at Pinkie weirdly. “What does Taco Tuesday had to do with baseball?”

“DUH! So the players can have the chance to eat that delicious meaty substance from the power of Tacos! And you can only get them on Tuesday! Everyone’s trying to get their hands on them especially that blue-hair girl. Our players are no exception!” Pinkie said in her matter-of-fact tone.

Rainbow blinked. “…um…okay?”

After that awkward moment, Rainbow cleared her throat. “You know Pinkie, I’m an awesome catcher!”

“Of course you are Dashie! You’re the captain of the Wondercolts in every sport teams. You’re practically awesome at everything!” Pinkie praised.

Rainbow stood proudly while her eyes closed. “Heh yeah, I’m awesome as I want to be!”

Rainbow’s face turned serious again. “Well anyway, I would like to be the catcher for the team!”

Pinkie shrugged. “Well I don’t see why not.”

Rainbow smiled. “Great! Now with me, being an awesome catcher, tomorrow’s pitching on the team. Some girl on the other team gets up and stands behind the plate. Tomorrow throws the ball and that girl bunts the ball. When she bunts the ball, me, being an awesome catcher, I want to throw that girl out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?”

Pinkie clapped. “Yay! That’s the first thing you said right Dashie!”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HECK I WAS TALKING ABOUT!” Rainbow shouted angrily.

Pinkie stopped clapping and frowned. “But that’s what you’re supposed to do Dashie.”

“Is to throw the ball to first base?” Rainbow asked

“Yep!”

“So who got it?”

“Naturally!” Pinkie answered.

Rainbow blinked. Did she finally get the name of the girl on first base?

“Who has it?” Rainbow asked, just to be sure she heard correctly.

“Naturally,” Pinkie replied.

“Naturally?” Rainbow asked again.

“Naturally,” Pinkie replied again.

Rainbow squeed. She finally got one of the players name!

“Awesome!” Rainbow cheered. “So I pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally…”

“No, you throw the ball to first base,” Pinkie interrupted.

Or not.

Rainbow stared at Pinkie with her confused look. “Then who gets it?”

“Naturally,” said Pinkie.

“Oh…okay than, so I throw the ball to Naturally…”

“No Dashie, you throw the ball to Who!” Pinkie corrected.

“Naturally?” Rainbow asked again.

“Yes. You say it like that!” said Pinkie.

“But that’s what I said!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“You did not!” Pinkie argued.

“I said I throw the ball to Naturally!” Rainbow said loudly.

“You don’t! You throw the ball to Who!” Pinkie explained.

“Naturally?” Rainbow asked.

Pinkie nodded. “Yupperoni!”

“So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it,” said Rainbow.

Pinkie shook her head. “No, you throw the ball to first base!”

Rainbow’s left eyebrow twitched. “Then who get it?”

“Naturally!” Pinkie stated as if it was obvious.

“THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING!” Rainbow shouted angrily.

“You’re not saying that!” Pinkie argued.

Rainbow nearly pulled her multi-color hair. “I said I throw the ball to first base…”

“Then Who gets it!” Pinkie said with a smile.

Rainbow’s frustration finally reached her boiling point. “SHE BETTER GET IT!”

Pinkie attempted to calm her friend down. “Now don’t get excited Dashie…”

Rainbow Dash no longer cared about finding out the names of the players and began to rant angrily. “UGH! I THROW THE BALL TO FIRST BASE! WHOEVER IT IS DROPS THE BALL SO THE GIRL FROM ANOTHER TEAM RUNS TO SECOND! WHO PICKS UP THE BALL AND THROWS IT TO WHAT! WHAT THROWS IT TO I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T KNOW THROWS IT BACK TO TOMORROW! A TRIPLE PLAY!”

Pinkie nodded. “Yea, that could be…”

Rainbow continued to rant. “ANOTHER GIRL GETS UP AND IT’S A LONG BALL TO BECAUSE!

WHY?

I DON’T KNOW!

SHE’S ON THIRD!

AND I DON’T GIVE A BUCK!”

“What did you say Dashie?” Pinkie asked.

“I SAID I DON’T GIVE A BUCK!” Rainbow shouted.

Pinkie was thinking about what Rainbow Dash just said for a moment until her eyes brighten up with realization. “Oooooooooooh! That’s our shortstop!”

Rainbow Dash groaned angrily as she facepalmed herself hard and then fell backward on the ground.

Pinkie stared at her friend’s sudden display with confusion. “What? Was it something I said?”

Author's Note

No one can do this version of the routine better then Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash! I hope I made you laugh. :twilightsmile:

In case you're wondering, here's a list of the players who are on the team:

First Base - Who
Second Base - What
Third Base - I Don't Know
Shortstop - I Don't Give A Buck
Left Field - Why
Center Field - Because
Right Field - ?
Pitcher - Tomorrow
Catcher - Today

Criticism is welcome but please be nice!