Coarse

Following a pow-wow of dire proportions at the Castle of Friendship, the Elements of Harmony made haste into Ponyville, with Pinkie Pie reluctantly hopping along behind. A quick magic scan from Twilight showed Pinkie’s foal to be perfectly healthy without any abnormalities, but it also revealed its current stage of development, allowing the meticulous alicorn to pinpoint what party conception had occurred. Subsequently, this revealed what stallions were in need of questioning.

The plan of execution was simple enough, involving the handing out of certain royally-notarized letters to the individuals of interest, personally delivered by Princess Twilight herself. The other Element Bearers would provide a formidable entourage in the task, yet seeing her friends marching through town only worsened Pinkie’s fretting. After having made the first two deliveries, she decided to make another grab for the controls before this train went off the rails.

“Say, Twilight?”

“Yes, Pinkie?” Twilight responded, not ceasing her even-paced trot toward their next destination.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but is this really the best way to go about it? It’s like we’re holding a big deal trial or something.”

“That’s essentially what it is.”

“Too clean for their likes,” Rainbow Dash grumbled from her lofty spot. “We should just drag them by their tails or manes or something. Cowards like that deserve as much.”

“We have to be civil about this, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “Have to set an example for proper recourse and legal conduct. This isn’t the dark ages.”

“Dunno bout you,” Applejack said. “I’m fine for just tying them up and pulling them along in a line. That’s plenty orderly, I say.”

“Pinkie, are you sure you should be bouncing around while a foal is growing inside of your?”

“Actually, Rarity,” Twilight interjected. “Research has shown that performing aerobics can help improve one’s overall pregnancy, as well as potentially make the foal more resilient during labor. So go ahead, Pinkie: jostle that baby. But so long as you don’t fall while doing it.”

“But really, I’m fine with this. Can’t we just let it—”

“You might be fine with this for whatever reason, but the fact remains that there’s a rapist on the loose,” Twilight said back to Pinkie, taking on a firmer tone. “For this town’s safety we have to catch him before he can strike again. And you better not say ‘with his penis’, Rainbow.”

“I wasn’t going to, sheesh!”

Their banter brought them up to the door of the next suspect on the list. A few taps at the door and it opened, revealing the brown-maned head of an unassuming earth stallion.

“Oh well, if it isn’t Twilight Sparkle. This is quite the surprise.” A magic-encased envelope smacked in the face. “What’s this?” he asked while grabbing the envelope and tearing it open, pulling out the neatly-written parchment within.

“Caramel, by royal decree you have been summoned to an important gathering at Sugarcube Corner tomorrow evening,” Twilight answered promptly. “Seven o’clock, and don’t be late. If you try to leave Ponyville town limits at any point, I will personally have you restrained and brought back by force.”

“Umm, okay… I’ll be there then.”

“Good. See you at seven tomorrow.” Twilight about-faced and proceeded with her mission, her friends in two. “Only a few more to go, girls.”

“Don’t know why we can’t do it tonight. Give the punk less time to wiggle out of town,” Rainbow thought aloud.

“There’s still some more planning to do before things are properly set up. But that will be taken care of after these next few deliveries, I can assure you.”

“Thank goodness it won’t be too long,” Fluttershy said. “This whole thing has me nervous, and I don’t know if it’s out of fear or excitement.”

“Well we’re gonna do away with the fear, that’s for sure,” Applejack said. “And get ourselves excited with some good ol’ fashion justice.”

“Indeed,” Twilight agreed, quickening her pace to the next residence on their route. Pinkie strayed back for a moment so no one could hear her self-berating “You dummy mummy!” before she resumed her reluctant bouncing.

After finishing their rounds, the Friends of Harmony made one final stop at the site of the evening’s events: Sugarcube Corner. The pudgy blue-coated matriarch of the Cake household was tending to her pegasus colt Pound, while the ever-stocky Carrot stood to the side with a slightly confused look over the party of six that just came in. After exchanging the usual greetins and small talk, Twilight said,

“So I take it you’re aware of Pinkie Pie’s pregnancy.”

“No, she hadn’t told us, but I had suspected,” Mrs. Cake warmly replied as she put her wiggling foal into a high chair. “Oh I think it’s wonderful to have another bundle of joy here in the house, and luckily not one coming from me, hohoho.”

“The circumstances for this particular bundle aren’t quite so joyful, I’m sad to report,” Twilight said gravely. “The means by which it came about were by non-consensual means, by an unknown stallion party.”

“Non-consensual? As in she was…” Mrs. Cake raised a hoof to cover her gasp, while Mr. Cake’s shocked face went unnoticed. “Oh no, that’s terrible! Who would do such a thing to our sweet Pinkie Pie?”

“That’s what we aim to find out, ma’am,” Applejack answered.

“But we’ll need your cooperation,” Twilight resumed. “We’re going to have the suspects come here so we can better find the culprit. I believe having them surrounded by Pinkie’s loved ones and in her own home might instill enough guilt to provoke a quick confession. Would tomorrow night at seven o’clock be fine with you?”

“Oh by all means, sure, Twilight. Whatever you need to from us to help corner this despicable creature, you can have it. Right, Carrot?”

“Oh uh uh uh, of course, sweetie buns,” Carrot replied, fighting back the sweat threatening to form on his brow. “Say, um, Twilight, is it okay if I talked to Pinkie in private for a bit? Give her a few consoling words?”

“Of course, Mr. Cake,” Twilight nodded, allowing Carrot to lead Pinkie up the stairs. Once on the second landing, he turned to the mare and spoke in a low, but harsh whisper.

“What the hell is all this, Pinkie?”

“I’m sorry, Carrot,” she said in a regretful whisper. “I kinda said things the wrong way, but don’t worry: they don’t have any idea it’s you.”

“Because they think some random pony raped you instead! That’s really not much better!”

“But it’ll be okay,” Pinkie said with renewed spirits. “The ones who will be coming are very nice gentlestallions. When they see that none of them had their way with me, then they’ll forget the whole thing and everything will be right again.”

“None of your friends don’t look like they’d just let it go. What if they go looking for more stallions, then what?”

“That’s the thing: after they see what a bust tomorrow will be, they probably won’t bother for a second time. So win-win, no further complications.”

“It’s an extremely complicated matter you can’t just brush aside, you know.”

“Just trust me.” She winked. “They’re not the kind of ponies to blow things out of proportion, especially over little ol’ me.” This bit of assurance only got a worrisome grimace from the stallion.

The final preparations were done, and the hour of reckoning arrived the following evening. With Ponyville settling in for the night, Sugarcube Corner was alight and adorned with extra couches and chairs for the summoned attendees: two pegasi, two earth ponies and a unicorn, who will be introduced shortly. With the stallions lounging around in their assorted chairs, the Element Bearers took center stage in the center of the room, with the Cakes standing off to the side along with Spike, acting as stenographer for the proceedings.

The royalty at present stepped forward, bringing the random murmurings to a halt. Twilight began:

“Thank you all for coming. You might be wondering why you have been called here this evening and what the nature of this meeting is, so I’ll explain. A most heinous crime was performed not too long ago against one of our closest friends, and no doubt a good friend to you all as well. We have gathered you all here tonight because we’re holding an investigation that involves all of you. To put it frankly, somepony in this room... is a rapist!”

The gasps that were caused by that statement could’ve silenced an entire symphony of dramatic stings. But before anypony could comment, Twilight resumed.

“Some time ago, our dearest friend Pinkie Pie was impregnated as she was sleeping during one of her parties. The act itself may have been innocent enough, but the fact that it was done while she was unconscious and without her consent makes it downright despicable! After careful research of the timeframe of Pinkie’s pregnancy and the development of the fetus, I’ve narrowed down the likeliest time of conception to during the ‘Repaired the Schoolhouse Bell Celebration’ of almost three months ago. It was the only party around that time where Pinkie had reportedly taken a nap part way through due to:” The alicorn paused to look over some notes. “Fatigue brought on by ‘excessive cheering’ and ‘one round too many in testing the ringing harmonics’. You stallions which we have gathered were the only ones in attendance as you each helped out in the repairs, or had some involvement in the party-planning, and thus are the only possible suspects for this heinous act. Before this night is over, we’ll discover who among us is the ruthless pilferer of filly innocence!”

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m actually surprised it’s taken this long to happen.”

“What was that, Thunderlane?” railed out Rainbow Dash, as she flew over to and pressed her face squarely into that of the coal-black pegasus. “You saying our best friend is loose or something, huh?”

“Well, uh, no I’m not,” he answered as Rainbow gave his face some breathing room. “Just saying that, the way she parties, wouldn’t surprise me if it might, you know, come back and bite her?”

“Oh, and how would you know what type of consequences there’d be? Unless it was you who gave her that specific consequence? Is that what you’re implying at, huh huh Huh??”

“W-What? No! I’m not implying anything, and I’m no rapist either!”

“We’ll be running a truth detector as we make our inquiries.” Twilight announced as her magic brought over a device with two cylinders attached to it by wiring.

“I’ll also have my lasso on standby if any guilty parties try to make a break for it,” Applejack said with a fierce look, snapping a length of rope to emphasize her statement.

Twilight took her device and hovered it over Thunderlane’s head. After checking its readings, she declared, “He checks out. Good work, Rainbow.”

“My pleasure,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “Now on to the next perp.” She hovered over to the powder blue unicorn stallion with the flossy mane. “So then, Pokey, you’ve been eyeing Pinkie for the longest time, but she wouldn’t give no matter how much you asked, so you took it for yourself. Typical desperate stalker if I ever saw one.”

“Since when have I ever been a stalker!?” he cried in exasperation.

“Yeah, excuse me,” Thuderlane butted in. “On what authority do you have in bringing us here and harassing us with these ridiculous accusations?”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow as she looked at him curiously. “Oh, haven’t you read the summons? I’m a Princess of Equestria: I have all the authority! Make another outburst like that and I’ll have you cited for obstructing Ponyville justice.”

“Yes, you ruffian!” Rarity threatened while shaking a hoof at him.

“What’s the deal, Rarity? I saved your life once.”

“Once!”

“Moving along.” Twilight turned her critical gaze on simple-looking and increasingly-discomforted Caramel. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Uhhh, not guilty?”

“Cut the malarkey!” Rainbow Dash slammed her hooves into the couch, making the earth stallion go rigid. “You thought you could get a little sugar on the side along with your marefriend, eh? A nice taste of lollipop that you could toss aside without any repercussions. Well it doesn’t work that way, bub! Tell him how it is, Fluttershy.”

“Um, what you did was wrong and you should feel wrong?” came the demure condemnation.

“Exactly! And that sort of thing weighs heavy on your conscience. Only a matter of time till it cracks, so what’s it gonna be?”

“I swear I didn’t do it!” Caramel yelped. “I was one of the first to leave, along with my marefriend. We don’t party as much as other ponies. And why would I cheat on my marefriend while she was there with me?”

“A likely story if there ever was one.”

“But it’s the truth, Rainbow. Onward.” As Twilight and her partner went on to the next suspect, Cup Cake watched the interrogations unfold with unsteady feelings.

“It’s hard to believe that one of our very friends or neighbors could do something like this to Pinkie,” she softly commented.

“It’s pretty awful, yeah, but it also makes darn good entertainment,” Spike replied from his seat, midway through stuffing another clawful of popcorn into his face while taking notes. Back to the inquisition in progress, the ladies approached the burly, gentle red giant that needed no introduction.

“Big Macintosh,” Rainbow began. “A stallion very well-known to our group. So much so that you’re practically a part of it.”

“Eeyup,” he humbly nodded.

“Figured you’d use that camaraderie to get some of that Pinkie action? Or maybe you had to slip in some hoofies to get the job done.”

“Nope.”

“So then you never touched her, nor conspired to do so, in any way that was unwanted or potentially harmful to her?”

“Eeyup.”

The cyan pegasus looked to her alicorn observer, who gave her an acknowledging nod. Then she finished with, “No further questions.” As she moved on, Applejack took a step forward.

“Now Big Mac, I know you’re a good-hearted stallion and would never do any unkindness to anyone. But remember that it’s a mortal sin to want to canoodle with somepony of close relations, even if it’s a distant cousin. Ya hear me?”

“Eeyup.”

“Good. You may continue, Twilight.”

“Thank you, Applejack.” Thus Twilight and Rainbow Dash reached the final suspect: the hulking white pegasus with the chiseled chin and bulging muscles, Bulk Biceps. Despite his gargantuan physique, he looked very nervous, shifting in his seat and casting his eyes around at everypony’s intent looks.

“Alright, Bulk, that just leaves you,” Rainbow said with her violet eyes piercing into his. “No use hiding it: you’re the one who raped Pinkie Pie and got her pregnant, weren’t you?”

“YEAAH! Oh uh uh no, I didn’t. I-I shout out ‘yeah’ as a nervous reaction. I’d never do anything like that to Pinkie unless she asked.”

“Then maybe you purposely misinterpreted what she asked you. She probably told you no, but then you think to yourself, ‘she said no to doing it awake, but doing it while she’s sleeping should be fine’. That’s precisely how it went down, isn’t it?”

“N-No, I swear! Please, you gotta believe me!” The way he waved his veiny legs around, it was as though he were trying to ward off some nighttime terror.

“Just admit it and quit yanking us around! Big tough guy pony wanting to assert himself by using a helpless mare to satisfy his filthy, cowardly desires. That’s exactly what you are, Bulk. You’re that no-good wannabe tough guy pony arentcha? Arentcha?”

“YEAAH!!”

“Okay that’s ENOUGH!!”

The shout turned every pair of eyes in the room toward the flustered, jaw-clenched look of Mr. Cake, who appeared to be edging toward a major breakdown.

“I can’t allow this to continue. Not anymore,” he said in a more calm, though just as loud tone.

“But Mr. Cake—”

“No, Pinkie, this has gone way out of hoof. I’m not going to sit by and let more stallions get roped into this insanity. I’m going to pony up and tell the truth.”

This statement rose every brow present, and the turning of gears in some of the sharper minds, foremost being Twilight.

“Wait, the truth? You mean…?”

With a deep breath, Mr. Cake let it out. “Yes: it was me. I was the one who got Pinkie Pie pregnant. It’s my foal she’s carrying.”

No amount of chinaware in the world could match the shattering of everyone’s collective thoughts. Eyes widened, several jaws dropped, and everyone was speechless in awe of the revealed adulterer. None expressed a greater look of shock than that that was painted Mrs. Cake’s face.

“Carrot…” she spoke barely above a whisper. “If it’s you, then you, you...”

“Yes, we had an affair. For about a month, in this very house.”

“No, Mr. Cake!” Pinkie pleaded, but was abruptly cut off.

“Pinkie came to me drunk and offered to relieve my frustrations, and I allowed her to. I could’ve stopped her before she did, and I could’ve ended it that night afterward, but instead I did it some more. She shares none of the blame; she just wanted to help in her way and I took advantage of her.”

“C-Carrot…”

Carrot Cake continued, unheeding of Pinkie’s whimper.

“It was stupid, reckless, and now I’ve ruined her life and had others accused of rape because I couldn’t be a stronger stallion and come clean about it sooner. I’m sorry to everypony, but most of all…” He paused as he looked ashamedly toward his stricken wife. “I’m sorry to you, Cup Cake. I have no excuse for what I’ve done.”

Hardly a breath was exhaled in the wake of the confession. Most of the ponies were busy processing what had been spoken. Opinions were reshaping, reactions were being contemplated. Twilight and friends looked the most dumbfounded over it, with Pinkie almost on the verge of tears. Yet, the one face that softened first was that of Cup Cake, which dropped away from the stares of everypony… only to harden and steadily take on a redder hue that made one whispered reply.

“Get out…”

“What?”

Her head immediately snapped up. “All of you get out of my house. Just get out and go back home, all of you!”

“But honey—”

“Don’t ‘honey’ me you fucking philandering bastard!” she screamed at her unfaithful husband, making everypony else reel back. “That goes especially to you and that insufferable pink whore!”

“Now Mrs. Cake, really—” But Twilight’s intervening was just as abruptly snapped off as Cup Cake exploded.

“You can just go find somewhere else, raise your love child happily together or find another fuckpony, whatever the fuck you want! I won’t have either of you living under this roof or come anywhere near my children! So just get out!”

“But—”

“I said OUT! Get the hell out all of you! Out Out Out Out OUT OUT OUUUUUUUUT!!!”

Before the screeches of the enraged baker, everypony made quick time in getting out of the building. After Carrot Cake was forcefully shoved out onto the streets on his rump, the front door slammed and the sound of locks rang through the evening air, followed by harsh silence. After exchanging some uncomfortable looks, the assembled stallions went their own ways, leaving Twilight and friends to tend to their evicted companion and her employer-turned-lover.

Pinkie approached Carrot from behind and spoke first.

“I know she’s mad, Carrot, but if we give her some time, I bet we can talk it over with her. Surely this will blow over when she remembers how much she loves you.”

There was no immediate reply, only a shuddering from the hunched-over stallion.

“Carrot?”

Pinkie reached out a comforting hoof, but stopped upon hearing,

“Pinkie…”

“Huh?”

“...Don’t ever call me Carrot.”

She pulled back and froze after a glare of mixed sorrow and simmering rage met her eyes.

“Don’t ever speak to me again, either.”

“B-B-B-B-B—”

“You’ve done more than enough!” Carrot stood up and let his stomping hooves match the anger in his voice. “I won’t have you ‘fixing’ anything any more!”

Without another word he trotted into the darkened streets, leaving Pinkie to helplessly watch him storm off with an impotent hoof and a slack, gaping muzzle. Several downtrodden seconds past before she herself fell to the ground on her rump, never taking her eyes from the direction of Carrot’s departure. Her mouth closed and her lips quivered a moment, her poofy mane deflated, and then the waterworks came.

Her friends came to her side immediately as she blubbered to the sky over the tragedy she had caused. The comforting pats and words of her friends couldn’t stem the tide of her sorrows that broke her springy spirit without restraint. Amid her sobs she barely managed to choke out,

“I-I-I only wanted to help,” before succumbing to unrelenting grief. And so she cried in her bubble of misery, right in front of her former home, the rest of the town ignorant to the damning revelation. But as with all small towns, this touch of mercy wouldn’t last.

Author's Note

I'll just leave this here as a little interlude music