This isn't my House!

by treg388

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 13220

A man and a unicorn discover their bathroom is no longer their own and other tales.

What happens when you discover that your most private of sanctuaries is no longer there? Two beings, one man and one pony, learn just that when they find that their bathrooms are no longer their own. How do these beings handle this strange occurrence and will they let it get in their way?

Since This isn't my bathroom! did so well and I was told by many to do more, I have transformed this into a short series where one poor man will be subjected to more room swaps than should ever happen. Yes, the first addition to the bathroom is the kitchen..

Published 2012-04-30 16:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-24 10:16:16 UTC

This isn't my Bathroom!

The man was confused. Closing the door and reopening it only brought upon the same confusion. What the man was looking into, was not his bathroom. It was indeed similar, in the sense that it was still a bathroom and still took the same spacial area of his abode, but the similarities abruptly cease at that point. The normal blue drywall had seemingly been replaced with perfectly seamless wood as if the walls had grown to form the room, the usual white tiled floor had also been replaced with the same material. The man set his confusion aside for a brief moment as his bladder made it's way back to the front of his mind, there was a mission to accomplish.

The unicorn was equally confused. Staring into what should have been her sanctuary from the day to day madness of the rest of the world, she could only see a blue walled, white tiled, affront to all that was sacred. This was most certainly not her bathroom and the most unwelcome anomaly she could possibly imagine. Using the lavatory just received a new neighbor on her checklist, examine the new bathroom.

The man had few difficulties. Unable to find the light switch he simply left the door open to avoid taking aim in pitch black. The toilet, if that is what passes for a toilet nowadays, was an odd target. It was an opening raising itself out of the floor, stopping just short of the calf, and could be proven to have a constant stream of water flowing through it, if one were to peer inside. The man shook twice before his mission was declared successful and searched more thoroughly for a source of light so that he may continue his morning ritual. There, attached to the wall, rested two lanterns. The man went to retrieve a box of matches from another room so that he may bathe with an absence of darkness.

The unicorn put on a scowl as she searched for the room's lanterns but could find nothing to indicate their presence. Her search came to a halt as she spotted an oddity protruding from the wall by the door frame. A switch? Reaching out with her magic she carefully raised the small device. The room was suddenly illuminated in crisp bright light. Blinking in surprise, the unicorn quickly pinpointed the source of the light. From the middle of the ceiling hung a small orb, shining brighter than any lantern. Before the unicorn could investigate the odd orb further, she was reminded of her initial reason for visiting the room. Closing the door she set upon her business.

The tub of soapy water could barely fit the man. The bubble laden broth threatened to slosh over the sides of its container even more than it already had as the man fiercely scrubbed himself in the cold liquid and dim light, despite the uncomfortable bend he had to make in his knees so he could fit in the tub. The man shivered as he scrubbed. Apparently this new bathroom believed in neither hot water nor showers.

She glared at the porcelain behemoth before her, this was not any sort of toilet that she knew. The first issue was that the beast was high enough for her to rest her chin upon it while standing. The second obvious problem was that the device had some form of raised back which could prove difficult for her to rest comfortably against with her tail. Despite these issues she had no choice in the matter, she would have to figure out this toilet.

Carefully the unicorn leaned forward until her posterior was airborne and attempted to delicately place it upon the seat. She succeeded only in slipping off of it and onto the floor. Turning to face the toilet, which she was convinced was mocking her, the unicorn decided to take a much more forward approach and threw herself onto its seat, wrapping her legs around the back of it to cling on. The triumphant grin on the unicorn quickly dissipated as she noticed an odd sensation about her tail, almost as if it was wet. Looking back in sheer terror she discovered her tail was indeed wet, for it had dipped itself into the bowl!

The unicorn flailed in disgust, attempting to retrieve her tail from the least wanted bath it had ever gotten, not noticing the metallic lever until her foreleg pushed it down. What she did notice, was the sudden loud roar from the toilet and the suction brought upon her tail, the strength of it pulling her backside down through the seat, forcing her legs up against her body. It was then she decided that she cared nothing for the evil toilet.

The man shakily rose from the water as he pulled the stopper from the drain, his joints popping in protest of their time confined so uncomfortably. With care the man stepped from the tub and quickly braced himself against the wall and the slick floor attempted to betray him to gravity's cruel embrace, he would have none of that.

Making sure to keep the encouraging support from the wall, the man moved towards what he assumed to be the cupboard where towels were stored. Pleased that his assumption was correct, the man withdrew one of the thicker looking towels and proceeded to dry himself as best he could.

The unicorn stood in an oversized tub, not the least bit pleased with the experience provided to her by the strange toilet. The toilet itself was equally displeased with what the unicorn had provided it, as its still intact seat rested neatly on the pile of magically shattered porcelain that was once its bowl.

Magically turning a handle above the faucet, the unicorn waited with a hint of fear visible on her features. The fear was replaced with relief as water poured forth from the faucet. Looking for the plug belonging to the drain the unicorn's eyes fell upon a small lever directly above the faucet. Licking her lips and releasing an audible gulp she fearfully flipped the lever with her magic.

The unicorn stared in confusion as the water cut out for a moment, then yelped in terror as a moment later the water returned, only it was bombarding her from above! The unicorn slowly began to let her fear go as the water running over her appeared to hold no ill intentions. Allowing herself to enjoy some form of comfort from this strange bathroom, the unicorn magically squeezed a dab of what she assumed to be shampoo upon her back and began to lather it into her fur as the water began to actually raise itself to a soothingly warm temperature. Idly the unicorn pondered what enchantment had been placed on the tub so that the water would become warm as the temperature continued rising.

The unicorn let out a yelp of pain as the water suddenly leapt to near boiling temperature, an angry hissing coming forth from overhead. Falling over the side of the tub and onto the tiled floor, the unicorn pulled herself from the stream and magically turned the handle of the tub past the off position to the point it broke free of the wall.

On his knees before an absurdly low sink and wall mounted mirror, the man was carefully cleaning an unfamiliar tooth brush in a stream of cold water. Upon deciding it was clean enough to be permitted entry, he loaded it with what he assumed was toothpaste and began to fight off tooth decay.

Dripping wet and severely disheartened, the unicorn pulled herself shakily up in front of a tall sink and mirror. Between the sink and mirror sat six odd holes, four rectangular in design with a circular one set slightly below and between each pair of rectangles. Levitating a toothbrush which was not her own before her, the unicorn mentally decided that one day without brushing wouldn't be the end of her teeth and set it back where she found it. It was then that one of the unicorn's legs gave in to weakness and buckled, causing the unicorn to slip and her horn to come into direct contact with one of the strange holes. The orb of light overhead burst.

The man swirled water about in his mouth before spitting it into the sink. As he wiped the droplets left across his face with an arm, he rose to his feet and turned to leave the odd bathroom.

As she sat in the middle of the dark room, the now slightly blackened unicorn decided she had taken all the punishment she would put up with from the foul and tainted bathroom that had replaced her beloved sanctuary with itself. Focusing all of her magic and fury on the thought of returning her own bathroom to its rightful place she let loose a great lavender light from her horn and eyes as she cast the most powerful spell she had ever cast before.

The man stepped out into the hall as a great earthquake began to rock his world. Turning around the man watched in both awe and terror as space began to rip itself apart within the center of the strange bathroom. The man could only stare into the tear between worlds while the bathroom was pulled inwards upon itself and the void. For a brief moment the man was allowed to witness the whole of two worlds and all that lived within them. All of that which was realized and had yet to be dreamed was shown to the man through that small window to the space between the worlds, and in an instant it was gone, replaced with a barren little room with exposed wiring and pipes.

Shaking both the oddity of his bathroom missing and sudden sense of his place in the universe, the man closed the door to the room. He would deal with it after breakfast.

This isn't my Kitchen!

The man silently closed the door of his new bathroom, it had been one week since an odd rip in space had left him with need of a completely new lavatory built from scratch, and he could still feel the hole it left in his wallet. With a small amount of sadness, his lost savings sitting in the back of his mind, the man walked to the end of the hallway and opened the thin wooden door leading to his kitchen. The man immediately shut the door. This was not happening again, no one man could be so unfortunate, he could not afford a second renovation so soon! With great trepidation the man creaked open the door and peered into the room beyond. This was not his kitchen.

The pony hopped happily down the stairs, enthusiastically humming along with music only she could hear. She stood upon her hind legs at the base of the stairs and waved her forelegs in synch with her imaginary chorus line. With a bit of extra wiggle in her hindquarters, the pony leapt up and over the counter of the bakery she lived above and bounced merrily through the swinging doors to the kitchen, to begin preparations for the work day. The pony's imaginary song came to an abrupt halt as she looked at all of the gleaming metal and the linoleum flooring. She didn't remember the kitchen looking like this.

The man let out a sad sigh as he walked on the hard wooden floor of the new kitchen, already bemoaning the sizable chunk of his already diminished savings that will be lost should this room take the same course of self destruction his bathroom went through. The man's stomach grumbled in displeasure as he walked further into the kitchen, the light from one of the larger windows casting his shadow across the cupboards. With the thought of there being no point in losing one's money hungry when it could be done full, the man strode forth to one of several undersized stoves to begin the process of breakfast creation.

The pony didn't allow the shock of a new kitchen to halt her task for long, the owners of the bakery were counting on her to make sure everything was ready for the work day and she would not let them down. The pony bounced to the only stove in the kitchen, wait, the only stove!? How would they get enough made to please all the customers if there was only one stove to work with? The pony let out a gasp of amazement powerful enough to lift her hooves from the ground. What if it's some sort of super duper magical stove that could cook incredibly fast, that must be it! Pleased with her own reasoning skills, the pony began to familiarize herself with the new super stove.

The man frowned deeply at the stove, as far as he could tell it was neither a gas nor an electric one, but what could that possibly leave? Stooping down he pulled open a small compartment beneath the oven portion, inside he found ashes. Realization slowly moved across the man's face as he understood what he was dealing with. The stove was a wood burning one. The man stood back to his full height, eyes sweeping the room for the most likely place firewood would be kept. He stopped his visual sweep when he noticed a slightly opened box of matches atop a large wooden container, that seemed like a safe bet. The man quickly crossed the room and opened the container, it was indeed full of firewood. With a slight grin he reached down into the container for several pieces of wood, his meal would be hot.

The pony sat upon her haunches before the stove, completely unable to find the compartment the wood goes into. She had checked every side of the stove, every nook and cranny of it's interior, there was no place to put the firewood. Why wouldn't a stove have a place for wood, unless.. unless it wasn't just a super oven, it was a magical super oven that didn't need fuel! The pony excitedly stood upon only her rear legs, using her front set to balance herself against the stove. She quickly began to scrutinize the numbered dials on the device and experimentally turned one until the number five was at the top of the wheel. After a short amount of time she could feel heat rising from one of the front burners, with a squeak of joy the pony went to fetch a pan.

The man coughed violently at the smoke pouring from the stove, he had just learned the hard way to check the air vents on a wood stove before firing it up. Taking a cast iron skillet off a hook on the wall, the man moved towards what he assumed to be the refrigerator, he had spent nearly half an hour and an equal number of matches to minutes trying to light the stove and he would not let something as trivial as smoke inhalation delay his meal further. The man threw open the door of the fridge and took stock of contents. Sitting on a little shelf all its own was a large hunk of ice, below that was a shelf that seemed completely dedicated to eggs, below that shelf was several gallons of milk, and on the bottom shelf sat sparse amounts of cheese, fruits, and vegetables. There was no red meat in sight. With a grunt the man grabbed several eggs, the cheese, and some of the vegetables, he would make do.

The pony's rear end could be seen protruding from an open floor cupboard, various cans of food and kitchen items flying out of the cupboard every now and again. A rustling could be heard from one of the higher cupboards and soon the pony's upper half burst from the cupboard. The rump gave a questioning shake in the direction of the upper half, but only got a shake of the head and a shoulder shrug before the upper portion retreated back into its cupboard and out of the lower one, still attached to its other half. There were no flowers, no hay, no cookies, no cakes, no pies, and no cupcakes anywhere. How could she make a decent breakfast without any of these important food groups? The pony bounced determinedly over to the icebox, maybe it had been decided to keep the flowers cool, pulling open the door her eyes immediately fell upon a small package with big red lettering standing out above all else. Her eyes lit up, bacon! Hay bacon would be a perfect breakfast, but this hay bacon seemed off. It was red for one, and even in the package it seemed oddly moist, maybe it was super bacon to go with the super oven! That had to be it. Pleased with herself once more the pony skipped back to the stove, bacon package being proudly dangled from her mouth.

The man whistled a cheery tune as he finished cutting the onion and the green pepper, this omelet was going to be tasty. The man opened the fridge back up and peered inside, he knew just the drink to go with his meal, all he had to do was find it. Holding onto his tune, the man closed the fridge and began to search the cupboards, his whistling becoming more desperate and high pitched with each additional cupboard he had to check. Upon searching the final cupboard the man brought all whistling to a halt, clenching a fist he slammed his hand upon the nearest counter top. Somewhere in the fifteenth plane a rage demon grew fat before suffering a fatal heart attack. There was no coffee in the kitchen. The man started his omelet cooking, he would just have to drink milk with his food. It was going to be one of those days.

The pony stared at the sizzling strips in the pan, she had never heard hay bacon make so much noise or pop so angrily before, the super stuff they put in it must make it awfully high-strung. Glancing away from a particularly angry pop, the pony spotted something odd. Over on the counter was a metal appliance, with a name tag. Knowing she had to meet every possible new friend, even if it was a kitchen appliance, the pony bounced over to the object labeled as Mr. Coffee. She wasted no time in introducing herself to what she claimed would be her best metallic friend ever. Mr. Coffee made no attempt to return any greeting or acknowledgment to her. Confused as to why a new friend would just flat out ignore her the pony gently prodded at Mr. Coffee.

The metal object made a small click and opened its one glowing red eye, several words began to quickly move across his surface: start up routine, single cup, cream one shot, sugar one load, preparing. Mr. Coffee continued to repeat the word preparing and had begun to worry his new pony friend after a full minute of this, when a paper cup fell into his mouth. The cup was quickly filled with both a black and a white liquid then a small amount of sugar. The pony tilted her head quizzically at the cup when a long metal protuberance lowered from the top of Mr. Coffee's mouth and into the cup before spinning rapidly and rising back up. The word 'complete' moved across his face just before his red eye closed again.

The pony leaned forward and sniffed curiously at the beverage her friend had presented to her. Scrunching her nose at the unfamiliar smell, she carefully took the drink in her hooves and transferred it to the table, she did not want to seem rude or offend her new pal. With the drink in place she put most of the new hay bacon on a plate for herself, the rest being set into Mr. Coffee's mouth for him to enjoy when he next awoke, and sat down to enjoy her breakfast.

The man grudgingly ate his omelet and drank his milk with a very primal and caffeine deprived snarl. This was no way any sentient creature should be forced to endure a morning.

The new super bacon was the most delicious, fabulous, super-happiest, partyinthemouthiest, grouphugwithallyourfriendsiest bacon the pony had ever tasted. The pony was completely smitten with the taste of the bacon and would not argue in any way if all food was to be replaced by it, she ate all of her helping and, with a quiet apology, all of Mr. Coffee's as well. Having finished all of the bacon, the pony washed it down with the entirety of Mr. Coffee's gift at once. Her pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks just before the small town bakery was ground zero of what would be forever known as the first 'Sonic Partyboom'.

The man could only blink in confusion as the room had suddenly taken on the look of one where Mardi Gras, New Years Eve, and some kid's birthday, were all shoved into a can and shaken up before opening. He picked the confetti out of his food before finishing his meal, he was in no mood for the universe's shenanigans.

This isn't my Bedroom!

The man stared at the door, a light mist lazily flowing out from its edges, outlining it in a foreboding shadow despite the bright light bulb hanging a mere foot away. Doors should not leak mist, that much the man knew for certain. There should be a certain order to things and in that order 'doors do not leak mist' was right up there next to rules such as: 'dictionaries do not race' and 'chickens do not ride scooters', it was simply the natural way of things. This would be the third one, the third room of his that the universe saw fit to replace with some cruel mockery of a room with a similar purpose. This room, however, was by far the most insulting to take; this room was his. The man took a deep breath and reached for the handle, he already knew that whatever lay beyond the door was no longer the room it had originally been; he knew that the room was no longer his bedroom.

The pegasus was speeding downwards, a rainbow trailing behind her. She narrowed her eyes, focusing on the small black cloud that was her target, just a little bit faster and.. She broke hard stopping just above the cloud, the force of her sudden stop dispersed the cloud below her with a small crackle of electricity, she had been unable to get enough speed in time. The cyan mare floated in place and observed the cleared sky around her, that had been the last of the eight storm clouds she prepared and she hadn't gotten it right once.

The pegasus let out a sigh of frustration as she flew quickly to a large structure of clouds which hung lazily in the sky, her home. Entering through the window, it's so much faster than using the door, she landed lightly on the floor with a plan to take a nice nap then to put in a requisition for more storm clouds or else she'd have to hoof make them herself. With a stretch and a large yawn the pegasus moved towards her bed. Her eyes shot wide open, that wasn't her bed! Quickly looking around herself she made a discovery, it wasn't even her room!

The man frowned deeply at the interior of the room, clearly the universe had decided to just laugh in his face now. The room was completely full of mist. Slowly stepping in, the man amended his thoughts on the room, it wasn't full of mist, it was made of mist; the walls, the floor, the ceiling, all of it was composed of the stuff but none of it was free floating out in the air. Curiously the man poked a finger into the nearest wall. Surprisingly it gave him a bit of resistance before his finger could go through, and even more surprisingly it maintained its basic shape as he twirled his finger. Clearly this was not mist; it was clouds, an absurdly cartoonistic representation of clouds, but clouds nonetheless. With great care the man stepped onto the floor of clouds, it held his weight. He let out a breath of relief and promptly set his sights on the nearest dresser, time to find out about who this room belonged to.

It was an awesome prank, that much the pegasus had to acknowledge, but how the hay did they do it? She flew out the window and around her home for the third time, there was no sign of any cloud movement or removal, they had perfectly replaced an entire room of her home with another without disturbing a single thing, and they had done so with what was clearly an earth pony or unicorn room no less. It couldn't have been done by a single pegasus, no pony would be strong enough to lift an entire room alone.. well maybe that one muscled pony might be but with his wings the chances were slim; a unicorn had to be involved as well, only magic could make normal material stay on the clouds without falling to the ground below.

The pegasus ran a hoof over the red carpet covering the floor of the room. She knew how much it would have taken to pull this prank off, but who would have gone through so much effort to prank her? Maybe she should go ask her friends if they had any ideas on the matter. Wait! What if it was her friends that did it? Going to them for help would be just what they expect, but.. what if they knew she would think that and were expecting her to not go to them... All this thinking was starting to make the area between the pegasus' ears itch. Maybe a nap would help her decide how to handle this; besides, that new bed looked kinda comfy.

The man was deeply confused. He had looked through the first drawer of the dresser, it was all socks. That wasn't too confusing as he also had a drawer dedicated solely to socks, not that it told him anything about who this room belonged to. The second drawer, however, was the thing confusing him; it had saddles inside it. The man stared at the saddles, something about them seemed.. off. For some strange reason it made him feel dirty, as though he were looking into the underwear drawer of a woman, but he had no idea why that strange feeling would present itself to him. He closed the drawer roughly, he had no desire to investigate such an odd feeling further.

He pulled open the bottom drawer, it was full of books and magazines. Oddly enough each of them seemed to primarily feature small horses. Curiously the man pulled out a few to get a better look at the covers, Wonderbolts Insider: An Exclusive Interview With Captain Spitfire, Daring Do Runs Out of Things to Daringly Do, Stallions and Saddles: Illustrated Edition. The man opened the last book to a random page, it was an illustration, almost immediately the man threw the book, along with the others, back into the drawer and kicked it shut. He would burn the lot of them, but he dared not risk releasing something like that into the atmosphere; perhaps later he would seek out a monk to seal the evil things away.

With the sound one makes when they've seen something so disturbing they no longer wish to be conscious, the man turned towards the unfamiliar bed. Perhaps it would be as comfortable as it looks.

The pegasus stared at the small box. She had meant to go straight to the bed, but the soft glow of a red light had caught her attention. The source of the glow was what she was now staring at, a small black box with red numbers illuminating its front. The flight capable pony remained focused intently on the numbers, perhaps they were a clue to who pulled this prank on her; one of the numbers changed. Carefully the pegasus lifted the box up between her hooves, was it some kind of countdown, no the number went up, maybe it was keeping track of something, but what? Then it hit her, it was the time! This box was a clock! It was amazing, instead of having legs like most clock faces it just showed what time it was with magic glowing numbers, it was so simple and easy! Why hadn't any eggheads thought of something like that before, it was such an awesome way to tell time; well, not as awesome as she was, but still pretty cool.

Upon setting the clock back down where she had picked it up from, the pegasus spotted some kind of writing on the top of it. 'Snooze', now that sounded like a plan! Patting the word the winged pony faced the bed and flung herself upon it. Immediately she released a cry of surprise as she sank into the bed, its surface undulating around her. The struggling pegasus flared her wings and launched herself from the bed, hovering above it to scowl at its slightly gelatinous form. The bed jiggled in protest of the unwarranted scowl.

Not one to ever be bested, especially by a bed, the pegasus slowly lowered herself back onto the surface of the bed, standing unsteadily on the rippling mattress. Now for the most important part, ever so gently the pegasus lowered herself down into a comfortable sleeping position. Much to her surprise the bed was actually quite relaxing, unusual, but relaxing. With a sigh the pegasus quickly fell asleep.

The man snored loudly; the bed was amazing. It was plush, conformed perfectly to his form without being too soft, and it didn't have the risk of leaking. Of course the bed made of cloud would continue to do this until someone pointed out to the man that it was impossible for him to sleep on a cloud, at which point the law of knowledge would take over and the man would feel just how comfortable the floor is in comparison. For now, however, the man would get to enjoy his peaceful rest.

The pegasus stood proudly, her wings folded neatly at her sides. There was some kind of light music in the background, but she paid it no mind. She had performed flawlessly during her audition and this moment was the one she had waited for all her life, this was the moment she was going to be accepted into the ranks of the best fliers in the world. The music seemed to be getting louder and muffled words floated through the air. It took all her willpower to keep her wings from flaring out as the captain of the team trotted towards her, her orange mane contrasting perfectly with the team's signature blue flight suits. The pegasus could barely contain herself as the captain stopped to speak, these were the words she had waited so long to hear.

Take me home tonight!

Wait, what?

I don't want to let you till you see the light!

The captain and the team had begun to bob to the beat of the music, singing loudly. This wasn't how it was suppose to happen, or was it? Truthfully the pegasus didn't know if it was customary to induct new members this way, hopefully it was and this wasn't just some prank.

Take me home tonight!

The pegasus woke up with a slight jump. It was only a dream, crud. The pegasus yawned and started to stretch when she noticed it.. there was still music and some kind of singing.

Be my little baby?

The sound.. was coming from the clock? Was the clock singing? The pegasus focused a little more on the words..

I hate to sleep alone I need some company.

Was the clock hitting on her? With a slight amount of effort she lifted herself off the bed, she would face this issue head on.

Her plan of action was simple, she would just inform the clock she wasn't really into appliances and let it down as gently as she could, then everything could just be business from then on; it would tell her the time and she would read it.

BRRT! BRRT! BRRT! BRRT! BRRT!

Apparently the clock was incapable of handling rejection like a stallion. The pegasus hovered with her ears flattened, hooves pressed firmly against them, pleading for the clock to see reason and stop crying. With an groan of exasperation the pegasus dropped heavily to the floor. The entire room began shaking.

The pegasus quickly made herself airborne once more and began scanning the area, creaks and groans began sounding out from the walls as the shaking increased. Purely on instinct the pegasus scooped the clock up with a hoof and held it against her coat as she shot out the window.

Once she was a good distance from her home the pegasus turned in the air just in time to catch sight of a large square of wood fall from the bottom of her cloud house and smash violently into the ground below. It was a good thing she wasn't still in it. She looked down at the clock she was carrying to see if it had a similar opinion on the matter. The clock's face was blank, it's tail hanging lifelessly, the pegasus lifted it to her ears to listen for any clock-like noises, such as ticking. There were none. The clock had died in her hooves.. Meh, it was just a clock. Unceremoniously the pegasus chucked the clock over her shoulder, causing it to shatter on the ground below just as violently as the room had, and proceeded to fly back towards her home. She had rebuilding to get started on.

The man let out a very content snore; the bed he rested upon was, in his mind, the best bed that could ever grace the world with its presence.

This isn't my Livingroom!

The man's arms strained against the weight set against them. With heavy breaths he slowly marched towards the door to his home, a great multitude of plastic bags hanging from his upper limbs. The man was a firm believer in the age old art of only taking a single trip from the vehicle to the home after a grocery run. With a great skill born from years of grocery hauling the man unlocked and opened his front door, without so much as a single bag sliding out of position. He entered his home, closing the door loudly behind him with a kick of the foot, and immediately he developed a twitch in his eye.. not only was this no longer his living room, but it was full of.. animals.

The butter yellow pegasus with the pink mane hummed cheerfully to her little animal friends as she filled their food bowls. To her the midday meal time wasn't a chore, far from it, it was actually her favorite part of the day. She always loved watching the animals as they stuffed their cute faces full of food, sometimes they would get a bit rowdy and push at each other, but with gentle persuasion they would always go right back to getting along and each having their fair share. They were all such well behaved dears.

The pegasus happily trotted to the entrance of her foliage covered cottage, a light skip accentuating the joy presented in her gait; it was time to feed the indoor animals and then herself. Nudging the door open, the pegasus entered her home. The pegasus stood in the doorway, her brain trying to process the signals it was receiving from her eyes. Slowly things began to click into place in her mind, her pony friends had told her their rooms were being replaced but she didn't quite understand what they meant at the time. Then the smallest thought floated through her mind.

It was an incredibly small thought, but it had the largest effect a thought could hope to have on this particular pegasus. It made her eyes widen, her heart hasten, her breath become rapid and shallow; all because of a tiny thought composed of four simple words, where are the animals?

The man let out a groan of annoyance, he knew it would happen eventually, he wished that it wouldn't, but he knew it would all the same. If only it had the common decency to occur when his arms were less occupied with plastic baggage. Lousy universe and it's complete lack of etiquette regarding the proper time to swap one's room with that of a random stranger, who the man is beginning to suspect is either not entirely human or else a very unique individual. He marched through the room towards the kitchen, taking note of various animals that made a path for him as if given an unheard command to not impede his movement. There were birds, mice, badgers, chipmunks, a rabbit, and all sorts of small creatures he didn't recognize immediately. The man moved to the kitchen and stored every bag in the fridge, the only modern appliance in the woefully outdated room, without even bothering to sort the contents; he figured it'd be best to deal with the suddenly large amount of animals on his hands first. The man absentmindedly rubbed the bridge of his nose, if only he knew what was changing his rooms around and how to reverse it.

The pony was not doing well in the broadest sense of the word. If one could see the metaphorical length of her face at this moment they would not refer to her as a pony, instead they would declare her a horse with unusually stubby legs and immediately dare the shortest friend they know to attempt to ride her; that would not end well. To top it off, the pony's actual appearance was nearly as bad as her metaphorical one. Her mane looked as though it had been used to house the very animals she was searching for; the fur along her cheeks, chest, and forelegs was matted down with the slightest traces of salt, evidence of the amount she had been crying; adding an emphasis to all of the physical signs was the way the pegasus was now carrying herself, brokenly, even the most dense of creatures could take a single look at this being and realize she had just lost something so important it left her no idea where to even begin to recover from.

The pegasus dragged herself up onto the strange couch in the strange animal deprived room, which was nearly destroyed by the pegasus' frantic search for the animals, and allowed herself to collapse upon it. She felt something underneath her, poking into her. The pegasus looked back towards her side to see a small black rectangle sticking out from beneath her. With the slightest amount of effort required the pegasus gripped the object in her mouth and pulled it out, hearing a slight click as she did so. The object appeared to be covered in symbols and numbers, with a few strange words. After a slight hum music began to fill the air of the room, the pegasus dropped the object in shock, looking for the source of the sounds. It seemed to be coming from a large rectangle on the wall and after a moment the pegasus realized that it was lighting up! There were even pictures starting to show up on it! In the arms of the angel..

The man was not having an easy time. The man's troubles stemmed from the animals that had appeared with his new living room. To be more specific it was a single animal that was causing issues, while the majority acted as if they had never seen a human male before and immediately shied away from him, a lone white rabbit had taken the initiative upon itself to display the complete opposite reaction and assaulted the man. The man's first response was to simply chuckle and remove the rabbit from his person, but one can only stand being kicked, bit at, and scratched for so long before they begin to lose patience. The scene had rapidly dissolved into one of sheer chaos. The man stood tall, panting heavily, his body covered in red lines, bite marks, and bruises. The rabbit was in a similar state, its own breathing unnaturally heavy, tufts of fur missing from its body and evidence of blunt impact dotting its form. The room surrounding the two combatants was, for the most part, utterly destroyed. The more comically flimsy pieces of furniture were nothing more than piles of broken wood and fabric, several birdhouses that once hung from the ceiling were smashed to bits on the ground, and all the animals, save the rabbit, were huddled in a corner as far away from the heat of battle as they could get. The two beings stared at each others eyes for but a moment before one of the birds let out a shrill chirp and they plunged into the fight once more.

The pegasus was the living definition of sadness. Tears flowed freely from her as she desperately attempted to push the numbers on the small black rectangle with a hoof. The cushions under and around the pegasus had become sopping wet as she continued struggling to get her hoof to press the very specific numbers needed. She didn't know what the rectangle was, or who the strange creature that appeared in it was, but she did know that it showed her many animals that needed help and somehow copying those numbers that appeared would allow her to help them. She had to try. Much time passed as she continually tried again and again to copy the numbers. Her tears still flowed but not as strong as when they began. The pegasus barely even noticed the images on the screen had been changing until a voice came out of it quite plainly. The Honey Badger. The pegasus didn't know what it was, but something told her deep inside that she had to take a moment to watch this new message.

The battle was nearing its conclusion, that much was obvious. The man wiped some sweat off his brow with the back of his hand, the rabbit did likewise. The rabbit struck something resembling a martial pose, it was ready to finish the fight for good. The man had similar thoughts, but he did not strike any pose, or make any sort a threat, instead he stood up to his full height and simply walked out of the room. The rabbit stood there, confused, his opponent just.. left him. It was a short while later that the man returned to the room, carrying a sheet of paper and a pen. The man offered the objects to the rabbit, who quickly snatched them and gave the man a questioning glance before looking the paper over. It was a peace treaty. The rabbit looked from the man to the treaty and ever so slowly broke the pen. The man frowned. Ignoring the man's disapproval, the rabbit dipped a single paw into the ink leaking from the pen and placed it upon the paper; he then motioned for the other animals to come forward and do the same. The man watched with a smirk as each animal left their mark upon the paper, then as the last animal was walking away he stepped forward to dip his thumb into the ink and leave his own mark on the paper. They had all come to an agreement, now the man could get back to the important business of putting away groceries.

The pegasus shakily stood up, the last of her tears long gone; she knew now what she had to do. She had to follow the example of that brave little soul, the honey badger. The honey badger wouldn't just lay around, moping. No, the honey badger would go out and take what it needed, in this case her lost animals. She would go out and find her little animal friends, wherever they may be, she would bring them back safely home, and she wouldn't let anything stand in her way. With a fierce determination the pegasus donned a scarf and left the relative safety of her home; watch out world, there's a new honey badger and she will not stop until she has found her lost animals! A shame she left without any idea of where to start looking...

This isn't my Home Office!

The man's eyes refused to open. There was nothing particularly unusual about this; after all, it was the man who was determined to keep his eyes from opening. The position he was now in was his own fault really. The man knew that if he were to take a nap on the couch, at this point in the day, he would be inclined to remain napping despite the fact he had work to get done. Something soft came down firmly onto the man's nose and with a complaint the man opened his eyes to gaze upon what caused this most recent discomfort.

A small white rabbit stood on the man's chest, tapping its foot impatiently. With a roll of the eyes the man began to rise to a sitting position as the rabbit hopped onto the ground, various small creatures, which had previously been napping as well, tumbled down from the man's stomach and into his lap. The man carefully moved the small animals onto the cushion next to him as he stood, the animals responded by clustering together into a small pile of sleeping bodies.

The rabbit made a small cough and, as the man turned to view what it wanted, motioned to its wrist then to a door of the house. The man simply tilted his head in understanding and stooped down to pick up a large bag that was seated on the ground next to the couch, he had clearly napped longer than he meant to. With a small nod of thanks to the rabbit the man turned towards the door with the intent to cross through it; he stopped, however, when he noticed something off. It wasn't anything apparent, just a small sensation one would only recognize if they had experienced it several times before. He had no need to even approach the door to know that the room had changed.

The white unicorn opened the door to her home and place of business, her saddlebags filled just short of bursting with the fabrics she had managed to secure at exceptionally low prices. The sound of hooves clopping across tile filled the air as the unicorn made her way around the main room, depositing each fabric in a location set aside specifically for it. With her first task completed, the mare calmly trotted to the back of her boutique; stopping only once, in front of a mirror, to ensure the purple curls of her mane were neither too tight nor the slightest bit out of their place. Conducting herself with poise and grace, as she strives to do in all things, the pony opened the door to the room where a majority of her work takes place only to let loose a blood curdling scream at the sight before her.

The man stared into the latest room, it was... odd, to say the least. The rooms thus far had always been swapped with their matching counterparts, so the man could only assume this was someone's home office; but, whatever they did for a living was near impossible to decipher from what he could see in the room.

The large amount of fabric and dresses at first made him assume they were some sort of fashion designer, then there were the weird statues. Like the horses you'd find on a merry-go-round only bleached completely white and without the pole coming from the top.

Perhaps the person who previously owned this room designed the parts for merry-go-rounds, or perhaps they were into some weird kind of horse-dresses, either way the man couldn't afford to let himself get distracted by such thoughts; for this time, he had a plan and it required action. The man cleared off a spot on an unusually short table and set down his bag to begin work.

At this point in time it is worth mentioning that the bag carried by the man is in fact a very important part of his day to day life. After so many incidents where the man lost rooms, and the items in them, he decided that he needed a safety net should something important be lost or if he were inside of a room when it went to wherever the rooms go. So, naturally, the man decided to carry a bag with him at all times and even to sleep with it beside him. Inside of this bag the man has a copy of every important document, passports, leases, tax information, and the like; a single gold brick worth two hundred and thirty seven American dollars; a change of clothes; a laptop; two water bottles; a book titled: Ways to Survive in Five Hostile Environments; seven small booklets of handy translations between English and Mandarin, Hindustani, Spanish, Russian and Arabic; two emergency credit cards wrapped in one hundred dollars in cash; and one x26c TASER, just in case.

The man felt adequately prepared for anything the universe could throw at him, aside from having a right arm that, after weeks of carrying the heavy bag, had become substantially stronger than his left arm.

The unicorn stared numbly through the doorway that should have led to the most important room of her home. It wasn't just the room where she did her most important work, it was the room where she could get away from everything and concentrate only on what she loved, dressmaking, it was the room where she could decide what was beauty and what was not, it was her most important sanctuary; but now, it was just some kind of sick joke. The dull brown work desk sitting in the middle of the floor, the oversized chair sitting behind the desk, the bookcases full of musty tomes lining the right and left walls, the large strange black box with lights and wires covering it sitting back against the wall, the dingy brown carpeting that was so bland a dirt floor would be preferable; it was all just so.. horrid. The unicorn fell back upon a Victorian fainting couch that seemed to conveniently appear where it was needed.

The man sat on a small wooden stool, waiting for his laptop to boot up. The man was not a fan of slow machinery.

The white unicorn, after several utterances of 'woe-is-me' and a small amount of wallowing, righted herself back upon the floor and took a deep breath. Sure this is probably the worst thing to ever happen to her, but there had to be a bright side to it. She had just gotten plenty of fabrics for a very low price, so she had the materials to spend hours remaking everything she lost. Her little sister couldn't have possibly done this, so she didn't have to spend energy yelling at her. Positives, yes look at the positives. Perhaps some of these strange objects were worth something to somepony, maybe she could sell them to help make back the profits she was sure to lose because of this set-back in her work. The positives were getting harder and harder to spot. At this rate the unicorn- What kind of material is that!?

The mare had rushed to the oversize chair and was intensely scrutinizing the strange fabric it was made out of. It was so impossibly smooth and on close examination no threads could be seen. It was firm and held its shape, yet gave way easily to weight. It was magnificent. She would give just about anything to work with that material..

The man fidgeted on the wooden stool he had brought into the room. It was small and uncomfortable, but at least it was a seat. He leaned over his laptop and typed in the web address he had set up before hand. His entire plan revolved around the small fact that when his bathroom was originally swapped the new one still had running water. Hopefully all the rooms kept their utilities, not that it would make any sense, but when one's rooms are randomly being replaced there is no such thing as a solid bet.

After several seconds of staring at a blank screen and wishing he had the foresight to remove his leather office chair from the room before it had vanished, it was infinitely more comfortable than any other seat, the man noticed something odd about the screen, the load bar was full. He quickly came to the conclusion that the page he was trying to reach had in fact loaded but was simply blank. That was not suppose to be. Naturally there is only one method for dealing with an issue such as this; the man began to repeatedly press the F5 key.

The unicorn sat comfortably in the oversized chair, enjoying the feel of the material on her body. White hooves carefully squeezed the chair arms, it gave her a feeling she could barely identify. It was a feeling of.. power, yes that's the right word. The kind of power where others should listen to whatever you say. Power over all things within your sight. She was in charge and nopony would- The unicorn slipped out of the chair and onto her snout.

With a groan the mare with the alabaster-like coat rose back to her hooves. Deciding that power trips were too painful to take she telekinetically pushed the chair away from herself; the movement of the chair brought the unicorn's attention to a small red light that was previously blocked from her view. Carefully she moved towards the light to discover it was actually a circle sitting below a small lens of glass and outlining a single word: Power. Perhaps one more trip wouldn't be too much for the day. The unicorn pressed a hoof to the word.

Almost immediately the black rectangle came to life with a great rumbling as the light changed from red to green. The whirs and groans of the beast caused the unicorn to back away in fear before turning to dive under the desk, her hindquarters sticking out from the cover. Clearly she had angered something that she should not have.

The man held his head in hands. It was simply not working and that was beginning to frustrate him. With a groan of contempt the man raised his head to push the button one final time... This produced a single dialogue box: User name and password?

The man grinned broadly, it was working! Quickly he typed 'Password' into the user name box and 'Admin' into the password box, when he came up with that he felt so clever it hurt. In response the screen produced two options: 'View Feed' and 'Log Out', the man clicked on 'View Feed' and leaned in closer to the screen.

The screen produced a single image for the man to view, it was.. it was.. a horses rear? The man blinked dumbly at what he was seeing. Why would the camera be viewing a horses rear? The gears in the man's head began to turn. Unless someone was doing this to him and they had discovered his plan! This was them mocking him! They were calling him a.. a.. Well! He'd show them!

Angrily the man slammed his laptop shut, just as the 'horse' was beginning to turn around.

The man would not take this insult quietly! He would come up with some method to discover how this was being done to him and he would make the one responsible pay!

The man stormed out of the room to begin plotting.

The unicorn slowly backed out of her hiding place and turned to face the beast that had become so quiet. The rectangular monstrosity was simply sitting there, doing little aside from looking hideous. The mare approached the rectangle once more and swiftly tapped the word she had touched before, watching as the green light went back to red. Pleased that she had fixed whatever it was she had done, the mare trotted around the desk to leave the room; perhaps it was best she not disturb anything else in the room until she could get somepony with a good deal of knowledge to help handle it. Shortly after the unicorn vacated the room a light blue aura surrounded the chair and dragged it out of the room then shut the door, no point in leaving good furniture behind.

This isn't my Garage!

The man stood dead on his feet, his emergency bag hanging on his arm. Everything about the man's body language spoke of exhaustion, not a physical exhaustion mind you, a mental one. Almost nonstop the man had been contacting gypsies, shamans, witch doctors, magicians, the few scientists that would speak with him, and he even attempted summoning a demon; nothing could even come close to explaining to him what had been happening to his home or how he could counteract it. In fact the closest he had come to getting some progress was a conversation with someone claiming to be 'The Magic Hobo' outside of a fortune teller's place, the hobo told him “To just go along with it and quit whining.” The man was not very inclined to listen to the supernatural vagabond.

With a sigh the man moved out his front door and crossed the short distance between his home and the disconnected garage; he had a meeting with another possible nutcase in just an hour. The man opened his garage only to let out a long groan and closed the door again. He'd have to see if he could reschedule his meeting with this 'Set' character, as his garage and the vehicle inside it were no longer present.

The orange earth pony trotted dutifully towards the large barn in the center of her family's apple farm. She had just finished treating a section of the crops that had been having issues with some of the more destructive insects and now she had to get to bucking, if she wanted to stay ahead of everything that needed done.

After adjusting the stetson atop her blonde ponytail of a mane the pony gave a great heave and slid the barn's doors open; she was going to need the cart from inside if she wanted to move all the apples she planned on bucking off the trees. Once the doors were fully open the mare simply stood before them, her brain trying to wrap itself around just what she was seeing; it was large, it was metallic, and it most certainly was not in her barn before.

After the initial shock of what was seen had worn off, the pony quickly charged into the orchard to fetch her brother, this could seriously affect the family business.

The man sat on his covered porch to wait. His appointment had been gracious enough to insist on coming to his home to witness the results of the phenomena firsthand rather than to rearrange their meeting. The man knew not what possible insight his contact could bring to the situation, but any insight at all would be welcome. Perhaps he should prepare some tea or lemonade or something, he would be having a guest soon after all.

A large red stallion with a mane to match the mare's coat and a yoke adorning his neck maintained a steady pace following his sister. Whatever was in the barn was troubling the mare and as the older brother it was his job to make sure everything was alright. The stallion's gait slowed considerably as the exposed interior of the barn came into view, the blood red monstrosity within gleaming from the small bits of sunlight shining upon it.

The stallion gave a low whistle at the sight of the strange object. It almost looked like a carriage, an oddly misshapen carriage, but a carriage all the same. The strange object took up nearly all of the space inside the building, leaving only a small amount of walking space between it and the tables laden with various tools lining the walls. As the stallion moved to the rear of the object it became apparent that there was indeed a bed meant to act as a cart for pulling material.

The stallion gave the object a firm push. It did not even wobble in response. With a deep scowl the stallion rolled up his metaphorical sleeves. He could already tell this wouldn't be easy.

A tall bipedal figured walked up the man's driveway. The figured had no distinguishing features of note, aside from a blindingly white robe hanging from his shoulders to his feet and straight black hair sticking down from a most absurd hat. The hat in question was made to look like an over sized anteater's head with unusually squared ears. Very few could walk up a driveway with the same amount of dignity as the figure possessed while wearing such a hat.

Of course, no matter how odd one might appear to be there will always be something just around the corner that is even odder. This law of the universe proved itself true once more as the figure caught sight of the man's front porch. There sitting on the porch, in an old wooden chair, was the man, idly sipping from a glass of lemonade whilst pondering the exact nature of the world. Mimicking the man's behavior was a multitude of creatures, feathered and furred, each with their own plastic or Styrofoam cup of lemonade. The figure approached the porch, breaking the silence as if he were the only one that could.

“You aren't a druid are you? Or some kind of nature spirit, because I know I said quite plainly that I will not associate with either of those any more.”

The man simply assured the figure that he was neither a nature spirit nor a druid before offering him a glass of lemonade.

“Thank you, but I'm trying to watch my citrus intake.” The man nodded and set the glass down. “So then, care to show me the location of the strange phenomena?” The man gave a second nod before rising to lead the way.

The stallion collapsed onto the ground, panting heavily. Sweat ran down his mane and coat until it began to pool beneath him. The large pony gave a small grunt of effort as he forced himself back onto his hooves, the mare giving him a small smile as she brought him a glass of water, somehow balancing on only three legs.

The mare gave a chuckle as her brother quickly downed the water, her eyes drifting to the rope that had connected his yoke to the odd carriage-wagon and was now two separate, and incredibly frayed, half-sized lengths of rope. Quickly the orange pony turned around and trotted off to fetch something.

The large pony set down his emptied glass before starting to remove both tied ends of the rope and tying the two pieces together, which was much easier than one could have guessed hooves were capable of. Whatever the red behemoth before him was, it was obvious that it would not be budged by brute force alone. The odd clinking of metal began to resound through the room, causing the stallion to face the door and the source of the noise.

The mare dragged in a length of heavy chain; it might have been too heavy for her, but she knew that it was nothing more than string to her strong brother. Her brother who always put family before all else. Her brother who could always be counted on in a tight spot. Her brother who has just broken through the nearest wall and was rapidly fleeing from the heavy metal links... With a scowl on her face the pony dropped the chain. Her brother would be getting an earful come dinner, that much was certain.

With a heavy sigh the pony looked at the red beast dominating the room, it looked less polished than it had earlier, more dingy. It was then that something called to her, something deep inside. Maybe it needed a good cleaning...

The man and the figure stood side by side looking into the interior of what could only be a barn. The barn-like nature of the room was made apparent by the large wagon and the bales of hay.

“So, it's not normally like this then?” The figure asked.

The man shook his head in response to the figure.

“Just checking, and I do have a name you know. Call me 'Set', not 'the figure'.”

The man couldn't help but to wonder what the fig- what Set was talking about.

“Don't worry about it too much, it wasn't directed at you.” Set calmly said. “Though I do have to ask you why you smell faintly of brimstone, incense, scrambled eggs, and sausage... Never mind. I think I know. You tried to summon a demon recently didn't you?” Set began to walk around the room, idly examining the contents and the air.

The man gave a small cough in reply.

“I can already tell by the faint remnants of aura around you, but I'm gonna ask anyway. It wasn't Tchernobog was it?” He looked away from a particularly cube shaped hay bale and towards the man.

A small nod was the man's reply.

“That. Was. Stupid. If it he had actually answered you wouldn't be standing here now.” Set resumed his examination of the room “I mean seriously. Do you even realize how idiotic it is for a mortal to try and summon a being of his standing with eggs and sausage?”

Giving one of the wagon's wheels a good kick he resumed his rant. “You have to offer him Cheerios. For the last decade he's been trying to watch his cholesterol and his first response to any fool who steers him away from his diet is to deep fry their soul.”

Set sat on a hay bale and began to make rapid hand gestures into the air. “It's a shame really. That habit is how he got the high cholesterol in the first place. Souls are about eighty percent cholesterol. Not sure about the rest though, probably fat.” As he finished his last hand gesture the whole of the room seemed to wobble for half a second before abruptly stopping. “For future reference, if you do attempt to summon a being beyond your grasp, I suggest making a nice turkey sandwich and trying for Armaros. He'll do about anything for a free meal... Unless it involves the top of a mountain, not sure why.”

Despite the incredible information he was receiving about the nature of supernatural entities and the human soul, the man couldn't help but wonder what it was Set had just done with his hands.

“First of all, I was setting the groundwork to stabilize the space around your home. When it's done there shouldn't be anymore room swapping, or if there is it'll only be a little one before it's all done. Though I couldn't figure out who exactly caused it, but it probably isn't important.” Set stood up and began to remove the hay from the back of his pants. “And secondly, stop doing that thing where you convey information without actually speaking. It's starting to creep me out.”

The man was somewhat confused, but assured Set that he would try his best.

“You're still... Never mind, I've got the groundwork all done in here so if you could show roughly the center of your home area I can finalize the process and get your spacial area normalized.”

The man did some thinking for a moment before asking Set to follow him, he had an idea of about where the exact center would be.

The mare wiped some moisture from her brow, her first task completed. The freshly cleaned and waxed vision of red beauty sat on four wheels before the mare, a certain amount of pride humming within it. The orange pony gently laid her head onto the front of the object, listening quietly to a voice only she could hear, a presence taking hold of a part of her mind.

She was confused at first with what she was asked to do, but dutifully she went over to a nearby wall and retrieved a small set of keys from the metal peg they were hung on. Looking back towards the source of her instructions the mare carried the keys to the side of it and, after a small amount of scrutinizing, inserted one of them into a small lock on what was now apparent to be a door and unlocked the mechanism.

The interior was a thing of wonder. Two large seats dominated most of the space while facing an array of knobs, buttons, dials, levers, a large wheel like structure, and all manner of tiny lights and numbers. There was only one issue. The seat was pretty high up.

Not one to be so easily deterred, the pony retrieved the keys from the door and took several steps back before performing a flying leap onto the seat. Her front half made it just fine. Her rear end, however, hung miserably from the side of the seat, hooves just inches above the ground. With some scrabbling the pony managed to pull herself fully into the carriage section of the vehicle and shut the door.

The mare's ear gave a slight twitch as she received her next set of instructions. Her first task was to sit properly in the seat. Setting a hoof on the large wheel the pony used it to support herself as she turned around to face forward.

BWWEEEEEEEERRRRP!

A loud roar filled the room, shortly followed by a small thud as the head of a mare collided with a thin ceiling. The equine rubbed the freshly tenderized spot on her head, wondering what she was doing, when the instructions were repeated to her. Her eyes dulling, she began examining the distance between herself, the floor, and the wheel.

Her first task was to somehow use the strange rectangles on the base of the seat to alter its location. It took her some time, but she managed to figure out how sliding the rectangles would move the seat and guided it into a lower and much more forward position, just like she was instructed to.

The next command was a somewhat simpler one. The mare had to grasp a thin length of some odd yet sturdy material and draw it across herself to connect a little metal bit that was attached to it into a small holder. It seems that even ponies being controlled by trucks with a recently developed magical sentience are not excused from using a safety belt, but that's because there is no excuse for not using one.

The truck was excited. Soon it would be allowed to move, it could feel it. Sure it was allowed to move nearly every day before, but today was different; today it would be in control of where it traveled, today it would use the pony to guide itself wherever it wanted!

The truck instructed the mare on how to start it up, told her what to do to get its engine roaring and its gears in drive. The truck started up with great noise and excitement as she listened and obeyed.

Now to fully understand how inevitable the final outcome of all these events was, one must be aware of two facts. Firstly, trucks are completely lacking in the optical receptors department, that is to say, they have no eyes of any sort. Secondly, apple farms tend to have an incredibly high number of apple trees planted within them.

The truck had made it a full forty feet from the barn before it slammed into an apple tree, destroying its front end and rendering its captive driver unconscious. Fortunately, the pony was unharmed in every way, thanks to the valiant efforts of her safety belt, and was dozing somewhat peacefully on an inflated bag of air that had shot out of the wheel in front of the seat. Unfortunately, the truck was most likely never going to be going anywhere again. Neither fortunate nor unfortunate but simply odd, all the fruit from the tree had fallen and landed neatly in the bed of the vehicle shortly after impact. All in all it wasn't too odd a day for the apple farm.

The man could hardly contain his happiness, after all this time the end was in sight. The man was so excited he allowed to small to grin make itself present on his face.

“Alright then, it's all done.” Set clapped his hands together, his ritual finished. “You should be in the clear, for the most part. You might experience one more small swap, so don't let your guard down, but aside from that in roughly three weeks time you will be in all clear and can go about your life as normal.”

The man expressed his extreme gratitude and inquired just how much this had cost him.

“You're.. you're still doing that thing with the not talking.. Never mind. It doesn't cost you a thing. I've already taken my payment, the coordinates of this world your rooms have been switching into. That's more than enough payment for this kind of small task.”

The man was slightly confused, but saw no reason to complain.

“Well then, if this concludes our business I shall be going. I have other appointments I must get to.” Set turned and walked back down the man's driveway, departing for his next client.

The man bid a simple farewell to the one with the strange taste in headgear, before making his way back into his home. He'd have to make a few calls to secure himself a temporary mode of transport until he could find a new vehicle, but at least it was beginning to look like the weirdness would finally start to be left behind him.

Author's Note

I'm still alive!!!!
Anyway, this was just horrible to try and churn out. I blame it on Applejack, she gives me the worst writer's block I have ever experienced. Each time I think I've got something she just pops into my head and makes me undo it all in a fit of bleeeeeeeegh.
All that aside. Wear your Safety Belts.
~Treg

This was my Closet...

The man strolled happily through his home, opening doors, peeking inside, then closing them again. He was only two days from the all clear and so far it seemed like he would finally be free. At last no more lugging a heavy bag with him everywhere. No more worrying about smashing his shin in the middle of the night because a room had switched and given him a coffee table. No more unnecessary strains on his bank account. Finally things would be normal again!

With some pep in his step the man moved down the main hallway, stopping to back up shortly after he passed by an open closet door. The closet in question was still his own, so that was a good sign. What cause him to back up, however, was the large pile of animals stacked up inside it like some sort of living Jenga game.

With a sigh the man stepped into the closet to break up.. whatever it was that was going on exactly. As he bent over to disperse the pile of animals something happened, the door shut itself.

The man immediately straightened and spun himself around, trying to open the door back up. It wouldn't budge. His gut began to sink as a familiar sensation took hold of him, the sensation that one of rooms was no longer his. Releasing his breath in the manner of someone who has admitted defeat, the man turned back to interior of the closet to pick out his best hat and his best coat. If he was going to be part of the swap he would at least be presentable.

A mint green unicorn rolled her eyes under her white and teal mane for the fifth time in a row. She looked over her back to assure her marefriend that they still had plenty of time to get to the party and that her stopping to get her winter saddle from the closet would not somehow make them late.

The cream coated pony, who sported a blue and pink mane, she was addressing simply huffed and stood next to the open front door, tapping a hoof impatiently. The unicorn just smirked and lit up her horn to open the closet.

The unicorn was quickly engulfed in a tidal wave of fur and feathers that washed over her and out into the streets of the town. The cream pony was utterly flabbergasted at the sight of her marefriend being the victim of a spontaneous stampede originating in their closet, but was still capable of rushing forward to see if she was alright.

It only took a moment for the mare to realize that not all of the animals had left the closet...

The man towered over the two mares without even trying. His brain slowly taking in what it was seeing before directing his gaze upwards towards the open door. He should try to get a look at where he's wound up.

He stepped over the unicorn and past the stunned from shock mare, only pausing in the doorway to look over his shoulder and mutter out words in much the same way a mountain might try to whisper to a butterfly. “Sorry for the inconvenience.”

The man stepped out into the street and took in his new surroundings. Pastel colored ponies, pegasi, and unicorns were absolutely everywhere. Each one stopping in their usual routine to look towards the strange biped that had shown up in their town. The man couldn't help but let out a small chuckle as he steered his eyes up to the sky. “Well, this isn't my house...”

Author's Note

Yup, that's the end.
It's over.
All done.
What becomes of the man? I dunno. Something hilarious I'm sure, but I won't be the one to tell it.
Anyways thanks to all of you for reading, it's been a real crazy what with this being my second fanfic, first completed.

~Treg