A Not So Happy Barack

by Sergeant Snuggles

Rating: mature
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Original Character
Length: 1040

Barack Obama gets a chance to go to Equestria, once he is there he becomes President of Equestria.

Hello there, my name is Sergeant Snuggles.
Before you read this, I urge you to go and read "A Not So Happy Un" as this is the second installment in the Political Disasters series.

Rated M for extreme racism, tons of swearing and sexual thangs.

This story is about Barack Obama winning the chance to go to Equestria, as soon as he gets there, he decides to become President of Equestria, although Princess Celestia isn't happy at all.

Constructive criticism is much appreciated.

Published 2015-01-19 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-19 02:00:01 UTC

Chapter 2 - New Laws

As Barack Obama stood at he podium in Canterlot after overtaking Princess Celestia's throne, many ponies were scared.

"Uhhhhhhh" he said.

"First rule of New Equestria, the pony named Rainbow Dash shall be my wife and slave." he said.

"Uhhhhhhh" he said.

"That includes sex, there will be lots of it." he said.

"I heard that Kim Jong Un was in Equestria before me, thank god he's dead thanks to the Bitches with Big Tits 6." he said.

"Second rule, every pony, mare or stallion, must be my sex slave for a day whenever I say." he said.

"Third rule, anything I say, you must do." he said.

"Uhhhhh, like sex." he said.

"Fourth rule, give me all your guns." he said.

"Fifth rule, everyone can only watch Nicolas Cage films, nothing else." he said.

"Sixth rule, you must worship me as a god and everytime you see me, you must touch my penis." he said.

"That is my ruling, abide by these rules and I won't have to murder you with a butter knife." he said.

Author's Note

I never knew Obama was so sexual...

Chapter 3 - Chicken

As soon as Barack Obama was done having sex with Rainbow Dash and (exploding) all over her face, saying "Clean that up bitch", he decided he was very hungry, he felt a craving for chicken.

So Barack Obama turned up to Fluttershy's house, knowing she had a chicken coop, and ran straight into the chicken coop and poured barbecue sauce all over the chickens, he then started to eat them all raw.

Seeing this happen, Fluttershy ran at Barack Obama full speed yet she wasn't quick enough, Barack Obama spun around and shoved a chicken beak into her mouth, silencing her, he then proceeded to rape her, Fluttershy was crying helplessly.

"Clean that up bitch" said Barack Obama while he licked some chicken blood from his fingers.

Author's Note

Poor Fluttershy... Why do I even write this stuff!?

Chapter 4 - Trolling Celestia

As Barack Obama sat on his throne, receiving a blowjob from Rainbow Dash, he wondered when Princess Celestia would come back to reclaim her throne.

Suddenly Princess Celestia came in wearing a Bane mask, "Think of the devil and he shall appear" she said imitating Bane.

"Uhhhhhh have sex with me" Barack said.
"No." she said.
"Yes" he said.
"No." she said.
"Yes." he said.
"You are already getting a blowjob from fucking Rainbow Dash!" she said.
"No threesome?" he asked.
"No!" she said, already pissed off.
"Yes." he said.
"I hate you so fucking much..." she said.
"It's a gift." he said.

Princess Celestia got up to leave whe-

"Dat plot" he said.
"Oh myself... stop!" she said.
"No." he said.
"Yes." she said.
"No." he said.

Princess Celestia started crying and ran out the door.

Author's Note

Wow... Barack is a dick!

Chapter 5 - Terminated

As Arnold Schwarzenegger ate his fried rice, he decided he wanted to reboot the Terminator franchise in Equestria.
He suited up in his T2 costume, grabbed his T2 shotgun, ate some more fried rice, hopped into his time machine and travelled back and far to Equestria.

Arnold appeared on Applejack's farm naked and wondering why he even wore his T2 costume if he was just going to become naked.
Suddenly a DeLorean came out from nowhere and hit Arnold.
Doc and Marty jumped out from the car and screamed "Shit" loud enough for Barack to hear from the palace.

Barack got to Applejack's farm, pulled out his gun and shot both Marty and Doc, saying "You've been terminated."
Suddenly Arnold (who was presumed dead) got up and jumped on top of Barack, wiping his wang on Barack's forehead.

"Even though I like it, doesn't mean I will make you a governor again!" yelled Barack.

Barack threw Arnold off and and shot him in the head, Barack went over to Arnold's body and started tea-bagging Arnold while saying "Halo bitch!"

Author's Note

Proof that I am running out of ideas.

Chapter 1 - Uhhhhh

"Uhhhhh" said Barack Obama while doing an important speech about Isis.

"Uhhhhh" he said again.

"Barck Obama" he said.

"Uhhhhh" he said.

"We are in a financial crisis." he said.

"Uhhhhh" he said.

"I want your money" he said it.

He pointed to a black man who was in the crowd.

"Hey nigga, I want your money." he said.

"Uhhhhh" he said.

"I'm allowed to say nigga, right?" he asked one of his C.I.A staff.

The C.I.A staff member nodded.

"Now that I have 1 million black man dollars, I will spend it all on My Little Pony toys." he said.

"Maybe even a Rainbow Dash blow up doll." he said, looking down to find a large boner.

"Oh my fucking-" he said.

"Uhhhhh" he said.

"God, I got tickets to Equestria, the real Equestria!" he said.

"The scientists made a portal to Equestria, and I won tickets!" he said.

"Uhhhhh" he said.

"Mr. President, it may not-" the scientist tried to say but was interrupted.

"Shut up nigga, I'm going to Equestria! he said.

"Uhhhhhh" he said as he was teleported.

Author's Note

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, be sure to favourite.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, be sure to, uhhhhhhhhhh, Obama.

Chapter 6 - Assassination

As Barack patrolled Canterlot's marketplace, he saw a mango stand so he went over and tasted a mango.

"This mango tastes like shit" Barack said to the stallion running the stand.

Suddenly the stallion grabbed Barack, gagged him and dragged him into a nearby alley.

The stallion then removed Barack's pants and entered Barack with his member, one lonely tear runs down Barack's cheek as the stallion's member invaded him.

The stallion came inside of Barack with a massive flow, the stallion removed his member from Barack and took Barack's gun, shooting Barack in the head.

The stallion exited the alleyway and a nearby mare came up to the stallion and asked "Who are you?"

"Big Macintosh" is all the stallion said.

Author's Note

What the fuck did I just write...

Constructive criticism is always appreciated.