I want to get out of here... now
I lie down on cold flat ground. My head hurts and I avoid opening my eyes. I feel as if thousands of lights beamed directly into my eye sockets. I can barely hear a thing, probably because of the ringing in my ears. I’m fatigued for some reason and barely have enough strength to move a muscle.
Once the pain in my head eases and the ringing in my ears stop, I finally decide to open my eyes. I’m shocked at the sight of the colour blue surrounding me, as well as lights that shine like stars. I don’t seem to be in a room since this space looks to be completely open.
I get up on my hooves trying to think of a reason as to why I’m here. The last thing I remember was me clearing the sky over Ponyville.
I suddenly see a figure in the distance. It looks like a very tall white pony with a very colourful mane. I still feel a bit dizzy and sense that if I take one step I’ll fall right back to the ground.
Luckily, for me, I see the pony increase in size as she approaches close to me. Only then I realize that it’s Princes Celestia herself.
“Hello sir,” she says with a smile.
I never met royalty and I’m not sure to how to speak to it. But that doesn’t matter right now. I just want to know how the hay I’m here.
“How did I get here?”
She looks at me with a surprised expression. “Well, you're time came.”
Shock fills my brain. “What?”
"Your time came, now you are at the 'between heaven between hell' realm." She says while lifting her hoof up showing the beautiful stellar walls. I still look at her completely confused. "I know I know, we really need to find a better name for this place."
"I don't understand," I finally spit out.
“You don’t know? Oh, let me explain.” She clears her throat then makes a scroll appear in front of her. She then begins to read it. “Congratulations, you lived your life as a good pony and are able to proceed to the gateway.” A golden gate appears behind her then opens slowly by itself. On the other side of the gate is just whiteness, brightly illuminating the area that I stand on. “The gateway is made of ancient… llara llara llara… oh here it is. It will lead you to heaven.” With that she vanishes the scroll in front of her.
I stand there confused. It was clear that she wanted me to enter the gate but I was well sure that I didn’t die at any given moment in the real world. I just stood there speechless.
“I apologize for my way of speech. Luna is normally the one that handles the Soulcrasts of Ponyville,” she apologized.
“Umm… but princess… I didn’t die.”
Her eyes widen. She takes a couple of steps closer to me staring deeply into my eyes. “Are you sure?”
I nod my head.
She rubs her chin for a few seconds. “I will be right back.”
Celestia vanishes leaving me terribly confused. I can’t be dreaming since I’m absolutely sure that I am well awake.
Before I know it, Princess Celestia reappears in front of me as well as her sister, Luna.
Celestia turns to Luna pointing at me. “This is the pony.”
Luna closes in on me, focusing her eyes on mine. After a few seconds of staring she finally asks me. “Is thou sure thy isn’t deceased?”
“Yes! I’m sure!” I answer without wasting any time.
Having an argument with the princesses about me being dead or not… wow… can it get even more ridiculous?
Luna backs up and meets her gaze with Celestia’s. “We may have a problem.”
Celestia looks at her anxiously. “What do you mean by ‘we may have a problem’?”
“Princess Sparkle might have casted the transdimensional soul spell to the wrong pony. It may take a period of time before thou frees thy subject since the equal magic energy that she used on this one can’t be reassured once we try again. If such magic energy number efficiency is different, the side effects can be disturbing once in the other realm.”
I only understood half of what Luna said since I’m a pegasus and not a unicorn. I’m not very familiar with this magic
energy she talked about. Regardless, the way she described the side effects as ‘disturbing’ makes me not want to take any chances.
Princess Celestia leans towards me. “Are you sure you don’t want a quick way to paradise?”
“No! Of course not!” I reply.
She leans back and shrugs. “Worth a try.” She turns to Luna. “We should get Discord, maybe he knows how to-“
A large figure suddenly appears right next to Celestia. “Somebody call my name?” The draconequus says while looking at her.
“Oh Discord, you’re here,” she responded.
I am well aware that Discord is the embodiment of chaos but I am also well aware that he’s been reformed. Despite that, I still feel a bit unsafe when near him.
Discord approaches and leans forward to have a closer look at me. He then leans back. “What have you done now Lulu?” He asks while turning to Luna.
Luna, with an angry look, turns to Discord. “It was not our fault for the cause of this unfortunate event, Discord.”
Discord looks unamused, he then turns to Celestia with a quick movement of his large neck. “I’m sure you want me to come up with a solution, right?”
Celestia, Luna and I nod.
Discord smiles. “Well, all right. But first, this pony needs to answer some questions for the spell to work.”
Why do I have a bad feeling about this? Regardless, I really want to get out of this… ‘place’. Before I reply, a sigh escapes my mouth. “Make it quick.”
Discord jumps in the air. “Excellent!” He vanished then shortly reappears with a formal suit, a note, a quill and some tiny glasses.
Before I’m able to say anything a red couch appears under me making me jump a bit before landing on it lying down. I turn my head to my right only to see Discord sitting formally on a red tall chair with his quill and paper ready.
“Okay, pony, what is your favourite food?” He asks.
I sigh once more before I answer. “Hayburger.”
He writes something down on his piece of paper. “Interesting… now… favourite colour?”
Discord continues to ask me ridiculous questions. In every question I lose a bit of faith in him. Celestia and Luna sit together behind Discord probably talking about what royal duties they must attend once they come back to the real world. But finally, after all the stupid unrelated questions, the final one comes. It’s hard to believe he still hasn’t asked me what my name is.
“Okay. Final question. If you had to choose between saving Celestia or saving Luna, who would you choose?”
I open my eyes widely as I process what he just said. Ok, this has just crossed the ‘beyond ridiculous’ line.
“What does that have to do with me getting out of this… place? Actually, what does any of these questions have to do with me getting out here?” I ask loudly.
“This subject has a point, Discord. Would thy care to explain?” Luna asks.
“Fine.” Says Discord still sitting comfortably on his red chair. “I need to know every single characteristic this pony has. You may ask why. Well, it’s because once I start to cast the spell to summon him out of this heaven slash hell place, I need to define the particular pony that wants to be teleported or else I might choose the wrong one.”
“Why didn’t you ask my name then?” I question while getting off the couch.
“Well it’s because the name might get mistaken with a different pony with a similar one, since the name is very hard to identify without asking the pony himself. However, if I ask a combination of characteristics, the spell is sure to work. The reason I ask you this question about Celestia and Luna is to know to who you’re most loyal to.”
As much as I wanted to disagree, most of that actually made sense. I feel like I’m in a really bad situation.
I just notice that Celestia and Luna are staring at me right now. Discord however, is just smiling at the horrible situation I’m in. Oh gosh I have no idea what to do. If I choose Celestia, Luna will banish me for a night at the Everfree forest. And if I choose Luna, I will be banished to the moon for about 10 hours at least by Celestia. But, then again, I’ll be trapped here forever if I don’t answer. I decide that there is nothing that I can do but to speak the truth.
In the Ponyville library, a purple alicorn with a pegasus stallion prepare some supplies. Twilight levitates a big green saddle bag towards the pegasus and then she lowers it down to the ground right next to him.
“Is that all?” The stallion asks.
Twilight gave him a gentle smile. “I’ll prepare the space suit.”
Author's Note
I wanted to try a comedy genre this time instead of dark. It was a nice experience trying to think of stuff people can chuckle at. I will continue writing dark stories since it's my favourite story genre, although, it's nice to stop by for some laughter.
Hope you liked this fic!
