Author's Note

The audio reading of this installment can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ez6DwgnAUHg

Entry 20

Entry 20

I have never been in a hospital before, but, if I was to imagine visiting one, it wouldn’t be like this one. It is desolately silent here in the infirmary. I would have expected a little more bustle in a health facility, but maybe that makes recovering ponies nervous. To me the lack of busy raucousness is perturbing. My physicians have told me all the information about my injuries I need to know and have kindly permitted me to continue writing in this journal, which somehow survived beneath my coat.

However, these professionals are far less cordial than I had imagined them to be. They must know who I am. They won’t tell me the time! It’s maddening.

I presume this facility is in Manehattan, but I can’t be certain because I’ve never heard of one being here. I guess I’m not as familiar with here as I’d like to be.

The doctors say that St. Periwinkle’s building collapsed. It was a good thing I was on the roof and had nothing to tumble on top of me to break me. I was found with much plaster covering me. They said I looked dead, but my vitals were alright. I should be released later today, but they keep me in a bed still. I have not seen any of the professionals pass in the hallway outside for about an hour.

I do not know how long I have been asleep. I’ll ask the gentlecolt in the bed next to me once he awakens. I have not told my caretakers about the dreams I experienced for fear of jeopardizing the professional amity they’ve apparently managed to regard me with during my slumber. I am sound of both being and mind at the moment; I have them to thank for this.

Anyway, I doubt I’ll ever be able to forget the events right before the collapse, for in my dreams I witnessed them close to twenty-nine times.

The beginning started the same every time. I stood in murk with two prodigious, pony-sized eyes facing directly at me. They were solid white, having no pupils or irises. They were two-dimensional. I walked over to the right of the set of eyes and found that, if I stood perfectly perpendicular to where they faced front and back, I would see nothing of them. From this point I would turn around and run unseen. At some point I would suddenly fall midstride over a vertical edge. I would fall with no wind until I hit a springboard that would propel me, shattering the otherworldly darkness and placing me back at the scene of our confrontation.

Each time the events recurred I saw things unfold from a different angle: one time it would be from far overhead, another time it would be from some distant building, another time it was from my eyes, another was from Starfall’s eyes, and yet another was from some odd angle close to the roof or from the perspective of an insignificant snowflake lying on top of it.

It took Starfall quite a few minutes to spot me. She was pretty far up in the clouds, obscured from casual public ponies’ glances, and definitely not in the best position to see me. While I waited I kept reverting back to the thought that the ashes I had assumed were Jackson’s remains were, in fact, planted there to give the impression of his slaughter. I fidgeted, and the cooled night air began to penetrate my coat. From the detached angles of the unconscious mental replays I could see that I had many times my head turned away from Starfall. I felt certain that I’d be ambushed before I was even spotted.

Eventually, I did turn my head back to Starfall, and her outline had become bigger and more distinct; her eyes were definite and locked on me even as she swooped about her descent like an autumnal leaf falling. Still, my guard was raised; I never thought I’d get so well acquainted with the motion of checking over my shoulder. She did not land on the building but merely hovered overhead, making a slow circle around me low enough so that the edge of the roof concealed her from potential passersby from the streets below. I was not intimidated by this initial formality, but the wildness of her vampiric look, copiously hairy ears, and terribly protruding fangs gave me cause for intimidation.

“Funny to see you so nervous.” She addressed me in a breathy whisper, and I kept my eyes away from her, knowing that she was the diversion.

Suddenly, I found myself unable to glance backward. In fact, I could not move anything but my mouth and my eyes. Terror didn’t seize me immediately, but I felt it coming. She was floating behind me somewhere, but by sound I could not tell how close she was.

“There. If you can’t bring yourself to be calm, you’ll be at least close to it.”

“Is Jackson coming or not?!” I tried to shout, but her spell kept my voice as low as hers was.

She floated before me, gave a jerk of her head, and hissed at me. “You assail me with such a question. You are one ungrateful little foal.”

I couldn’t comprehend it.

“You definitely don’t get the whole picture. Hmm.”

Before she could develop her thought, I buzzed in, “Why slay Jackson, then?”

“Be careful. You tempt me even though I am exercising all the self-discipline in the world t—“

“Does time really matter if you’re not going to give me a fighting chance?”

“Then let me explain. The truth should be obvious to you, but it has apparently not crossed your mind. I’ve certainly thought about my choice to become what I am now. I spent all those months you mentioned not hearing from me in waiting. I knew Jackson would come for you, but I could never have hoped that you would bring yourself to fight him if he caught you. You’ve never had to bring down one of your own, so you wouldn’t detach yourself enough. You’re also incapable of incapacitating a pony by any means other than poison or brawn or blade. All he needed to do was match your brawn, and no feral hunter could ignore such good chances forever. So I waited until my augmentations to the mansion’s defense enchantments detected his presence.

“I approached the mansion in a haze of doubt, but, as soon as I opened the door and, with a spell, stopped Steiner and Jackson from charging me, all my ideas fell into place. You see, I promptly destroyed Jackson. His mind was completely corrupted by the vampirism, and I didn’t want him tempting me or killing you. Steiner, however, I could use because he and I were about equal in strength. I could struggle with him some in order to wake you up. After I teleported you, I let Steiner do his work on me long enough sire me, and then I destroyed him. He could have drained me too dry, or worse, he could have still pursued you while I transformed.” She laughed gutturally with her mouth closed at her cleverness.

“I don’t believe you, and, if I did, I still wouldn’t get you.”

“Won’t you look for the honesty in my eyes?”

“Even you told me not to look in them. Remember, during our previous. . .meeting?”

“You choose to put your faith in the order that disowned you – twice. You will be made to understand that other things are at play here.” She began to slowly dip in altitude and arise again when she was in front of me as she performed her circles.

“I have decided that you are an enemy. Whether my allegiance to the Inquisition played a part in that is irrelevant.”

It looked as if I had hurt her again. “You won’t even look at me to see whether I’m honest.”

To be truthful, I was afraid to. “By what reason could I possibly expect honesty?”

“Because you asked your friend a question about a mutual friend.”

“No, he was an enemy even to you.”

“Then the enemy of my enemy. . .”

“He’s dead by your account if I am to believe you!”

“Then I’d say you owe me a look.” She flew before me, “I promise. . .”

“Yesterday’s promise is worth dirt even before the broken word is appraised. And still, I haven’t proof you aren’t setting me up.”

“I missed that self-righteous impudence.”

“You’re a monster.”

“Nothing is so foolish as mistimed wisdom, my friend. As a friend, not an Inquisitor, look at me.”

It seemed there was no way to progress by remaining adamant. I looked into her eyes, and I was not entranced.

“Jackson is dead.” Forcing her to repeat it was a mistake. I caught sincere plaintiveness in her eyes, and although I could not move, I felt less ready to fight her.

I exhaled audibly. “Okay.”

“You know, your lack of preparation for this encounter disappoints but does not at all surprise me. Just like your ideals, you, too, are jaded. You will need to develop for the hunt, and you will have all the time to do so once I have turned you.”

“What brainwashing has brought you to such notions? Why did you become a Vampony?”

She grinned widely and stuck out her tongue. “I protested your ideas at first, but I soon got down to thinking. Why didn’t Luna put your ideas down?”

“The idea soon proved too efficacious to not fully imbibe, I thought.”

“In a sense, yes, but you’re thinking in terms of the war on the Changelings. Indeed, that’s probably what most of Equestria has come to believe. Can you imagine any other reason?”

“I have no idea.”

“You answer too quickly. Anyway, I realized that she must have actually seen this coming from what you said to her way back in her study. Once the Vamponies became real again, I realized that Princess Luna had more foresight than even that. There’s a connection between the fall of the Vamponies and Nightmare Moon’s fall.”

“Starfall, their defeats were centuries apart, and I hope you’re not leading to your being an NMC (this was our acronym for a Nightmare Moon cultist).”

“I’m no NMC. Anyway, you missed the point. She had grown that powerful, Zeta! The Vamponies had obtained such a presence as to outlast her even though she was around only briefly. Now they’re back and more rampant than even then, and it’s not even Luna’s doing, yet I’ll wager that any day now she will vie to wield them once again.”

“Why not stick around to potentially stop her, then? You’re good at hunting them yourself, Starfall, you could have achieved so much in bringing them down!”

“Mmm. Keyword there: hunt. I realized I would become an even better hunter with a Vampony’s thirst in my throat. Not only this time do the Vamponies have a real chance to rise, but we also have ponies in existence with the ability to control their own thirst.”

“Sired Bat Ponies?”

“You betcha. Luna let that happen, too, in preparation for this.”

“I don’t see where I play a big role in any of this. I don’t need to be a Vampony, and I am not by any degree a Bat Pony.”

“True, but I can teach you to overcome it, skipping the middle process. Think of all the Earth ponies added to the ranks of late. Only somepony as high as up as Luna could have orchestrated such a radical change. She saw it coming a century ago when ponies were becoming bats, and now unicorn-bats like me are being turned. You’ve got a brain on your burly shoulders; you just need to think the right way. In a battle of sheer strength I still cannot prevail against you. You saw me with Steiner; although I am stronger now, without magic I would have been able to slay neither him nor Jackson. Many Inquisitors like you will stand paralyzed before sentient, lucid Vamponies like me. However, this shall be the first time. Isn’t it a luscious thought?”

“Without your magic, you couldn’t have secured becoming the siren standing before me.”

“Such cruel words from a stallion who proclaims to be so caring!”

“It is clear you’ve taken my theory too far, and you’ve warped its purpose.” I began to struggle against the magic. Although I couldn’t budge, I could express my disapproval that way.

“Are you getting dizzier from my circling you? I’ll stop before you get sick.”

“Why don’t you let go of me instead and see if I can’t slash you?”

Starfall began to sigh but then coughed an unholy, dry, harrowing cough. “Why must you force so many words from me? The least you could do is to offer me a drink.”

She freed me, but I was still wobbly from my sensations of deadly nerves, vertigo, and the dizziness she rightly guessed at. I slapped myself from my daze and found her levitating before the edge of the building. I couldn’t let her run away still a threat, so, not bothering to draw my sword, I sprinted and performed a flying side kick.

That was rash. I have no idea how I would have survived even if I had connected the blow. Instead, she caught me, and this was when I noticed her Cutie Mark. It was a cerulean-hilted sword pointed straight down, the very tip coated with blood, with a crimson ribbon attached to the brassy pommel. Partly by magic she had caught me midair, but she was nonetheless gripping my left hind leg when she said, “Try again?”

She flew up, did a somersault in the air, and chucked me down onto the roof. The pain struck me, but the affront impacted doubly as a personal blow, and tears came.

Starfall was descending from the sky. The magenta clouds in the background outlined the red in her irises. She smiled callously, “Weep if you must. I’ll listen as the blood rushes to your head.”

I wasn’t sure at the time if the blow to my head from the impact was making me dizzier, but I fought it to stand up. She landed on the roof before me and stepped diabolically slowly toward me. Each crunch in the snow, I realized, was a grain of sand running out of my hourglass, but I was really wobbling and about to fall over. I looked in her eyes and saw her suddenly look down. I felt my scarf constricting me, and I wrestled it off, but by the time I had done so she was gone. I had the sensation of weightlessness and had a few seconds to realize that my throwing off the scarf was an illusion. I must have been falling unconscious, I reasoned, from the cutting off of blood to my brain.

However, that was not the case. I am in the hospital because the building had collapsed; I really was falling. Starfall must’ve flown away when she noticed that the hotel swayed beneath her.

The pony in the bed immediately to my right is named Indigo Sky. He told me that the thunderstorm on the day of our confrontation was in fact a battle for his life. Somepony was trying to murder him by zapping him. He used to be indigo, he said, but now his pigment is what I’d call a laser blue.

He started crying as he told me how he had no idea why anypony would be out to kill him. Even by his voice one could tell that he is of a very gentle disposition.

I couldn’t help but mention, “These are dark times we’re in. Changelings and Vamponies make the news, and still there’s room for reckless murder among ponies.”

“What’s the world coming to?”

I had no way to respond to that. Whatever it is, I am responsible for it. I have effected a terrible wrong; whether it’s viewed as mistaken or not, I am to blame. I’ve had to reread this whole thing, and it shreds me.

I don’t know what to make of the cryptic message that Starfall gave to me to send to Princess Luna. By that point her delusions must have seized her. Having been on the inside of the Inquisition for a while, though, she must’ve known that I’d be barred from seeing Princess Luna. Was it to get me away so that she could chase me? Had she slipped so far over the edge as to forget that I actually couldn’t see Luna? Is the message really only meant for me?

The Inquisition must have stopped caring about me, or I’d have some support in fighting Starfall. I don’t know how, but I will slay her. I don’t like to think this way, but, if she does make me one of those things, the Inquisition may finally have its clear-cut reason to neutralize me. If that is its wish, I trust the judgment. Otherwise, maybe I’d be able to undermine the Vamponies once I’d regained conscious thought.

I refuse to think like Starfall, but it has crept into my mind that Luna has plans for me and is waiting for me to succumb to the vampirism. If this is the case, I must undermine it as soon as I’m released. I will do it. For the princesses, for the innocents, for my former comrades, for my own name, for the Inquisition, for sanity, for peace, I will stop them, however significantly.

Luna should have learned her lesson, but I will take the fight to her if that is what the situation requires of me. I will if my name isn’t Z—

Do tell, Zeta.

Curses on you and your soulless kind.

Take it easy. You don’t have much time left.

I assume you were the one to put out all the lights here?

I’m glad they left you here. You know, they vacated the place two hours ago. Ponies are fleeing like mad. We’ll begin the raid on your hospital in just a few moments.

It could have just been a power outage. You’re toying with me! Not even you could tell me where I am from what little I know about this place.

You’re room 408, which means you are on the fourth floor. Clearing your floor will be my job.

I can’t conceive it.

Let the record stand that I cannot leave this place. I do not acquiesce to what may transpire here. It is dark in the hallway, and I am in unfamiliar territory, so I cannot escape. . .

First floor – CLEARED

I cannot bring myself to yell. . .

Basement – CLEARED

I may wake Indigo. He doesn’t deserve to witness this horror. Let him pass in a gentle manner fit for him.

Second floor – CLEARED You know, the stairwells here are dreadful. Far too narrow.

I may be in a hospital, but I am a dead pony. I hope the remaining copy of this is in safe hooves.

Third floor – CLEARED

I should’ve been a police pony. The stairwell door opened with a thud in the distance, and I hear no hooves on the ground. Anticipation kills.

Yes, it does.