Author's Note
Teen rating for bad language. But, hopefully you get a laugh out of this, maybe a tear, not sure. Something simple and stupid. Enjoy folks, short writing time, no editing, it's life.
Sound and Fury
My name is Andrew Hill, Lieutenant Andrew Hill, Det. C Delta. Just thought I’d start a little journal of my own, keep a few thoughts, not like anyone will ever read them.
Why do I say that?
It’s the end of the world you know, my little group here are all dead men, we just haven’t decided when to lay down. It’s pretty much a certainty, if we hadn’t been who we are, I think we’d have just given up a while ago. But that’s alright, we’ve all been together for years, I think everyone’s just waiting for a concensus. Just to say, “Yep, it’s time to go, let’s go.”
We were assigned to Ft. Detrick, MD. That’s Maryland if you’re a bug eyed alien reading this. Some kind of new vaccine they wanted volunteers for, new type of neat little machines they said, roamed your blood, clearing things out, making you healthier. It worked, I admit, we’re all alot healthier now, heal fast, lots of stamina. Too bad the world dies around us while we’re doing alright.
It also appears to keep toxins and poisons away. Which is a good thing I guess, but not always.
Someone waved a saber my guess is, or someone just got tired of diplomacy and went straight to nuclear. We heard it started with an ICBM, not too much info before command went off the air.
It wasn’t just nuclear it seems, alot of chemical and biological war agents were used. I don’t think anyone realized the extent of some arsenals. There’s things that got popped that are boggling even our minds. Making folks just go crazy, eating others, just killing. No they couldn’t stop at Sarin or VX, they had to add those nasty little germs along with them. Zombies? I dunno, just a last breath before people slip into death. It’s horrible to watch.
We got it first hand, hearing the reports after the shots, the doctors and nurses were told to bunker up. There’s extensive redoubts below the fort, unknown to anyone less than our security clearance. So there’s quite a few living folks left down there.
But us? Well we decided the country needed us to look around.
Oh yeah, we’re stupid that way, but hey gotta do it ya know?
So we went on lookabout, carrying everything we thought we’d need. Like walking into a bad dream, and we hadn’t even gotten halfway to Glass Mountain. We wanted to see if Command survived, but that was taken off the plans by just needing to save our own butts.
And so, we just save who we can, send em off to Ft Detrick, maybe we can build a community of saved folks. Too bad there’s not too many left. Fucking politicians.
I love my guys, they’re my brothers in all but blood. Brothers from another mother you might say. Yeah, we’re not the best people in the world, but we’ve never hurt anyone that didn’t need it....well except for the bar fights.. And we’ve saved more people than I can count now, so that ought to be something when we get called up for that final roll call.
But even in this place, a wrecked world giving it’s last gasp, there’s always something to argue about I’d guess....
“Rainbow Dash!” The words growled out from under the bushy mustache, eyes like pinpoints in the firelight as Crick stared at Timmons.
“I’m telling you Applejack!” Timmons glared back, his hands working along the receiver of his M4 while staring across the fire at the heavy weapons man.
Davis piped up from eating his MRE, “Derpy!”
Both men glared at him in return, “YOU SHUT UP!” Davis went back to eating his food.
Crick yanked out his combat knife, the blackened blade softly shining in the firelight, “I swear as god is my witness, Rainbow Dash is best pony, and I will cut yer balls off.”
I sat down and sighed, placing my head in my palm as I watched two grown men...
Timmons motioned with his eyes downward, to the hand holding his pistol, “Applejack. Never bring a knife to a gunfight you boob.”
Crick threw the knife by the fire, blade first in the dirt, “Fine, but Rainbow Dash is awesome!”
“Nope, Applejack, that southern belle has got my heart forever!”
I finally weighed in, “Seriously guys, really?” I motioned around us, “It’s the end of the world as we know it, to turn a phrase, and you’re STILL arguing about that?”
Crick and Timmons stared right at me, answering in unison, “YES!”
“I give up, the fate of the world depending on you two, I just give up.”
Larue looked at me a bit oddly, he was our explosives guy, big, mean as they come, and a true fighter, “Boss, seriously, why do you get so grumpy? I mean, at least we’re not being bitches and whining about everything.”
I thought back to years before, and everything we’d been through, finally deciding to tell the truth. “You guys really want to know? Honestly?”
All seven heads bobbed in unison, Davis piping up again, “Yeah boss, we’ve been wondering for a while.”
I shifted my butt down to the ground, leaning back against a log, getting myself comfortable. “Fine, here it is.. Back when we were in Afghanistan, remember when you guys got the Star Wars bug?” They all nodded. “I was fine with that, I really was, even when you decided you all needed to carry light sabers in combat. I let it slide, I did. No problem with it, guys get a bit odd on the battlefield.”
“But then, you decided to go Star Trek, and everyone needed communicators...except you Davis, you wanted a tricorder.”
Davis at least had the decency to accept the blame, “Sure did!”
“I was fine with it, I was. Until the day when," Here I pointed at Martin, “YOU whipped it out in front of the general and asked to be beamed up cause there was no intelligent life here!”
All seven of them laughed as I shook my head.
“But no, no you couldn’t be happy with what you had. You guys really couldn’t. My merry band of murdering marauding meatheads had to go a step farther. Farther than the fight at the Trekkie Con!”
Davis answered that one, “They disrespected Leonard Nimoy boss!” Growls of agreement greeted that statement.
I pointed a stern finger at the sniper’s spotter, “YOU did not have to beat up a bunch of nerds! You know better!”
“We were doing fine till the cops came.” This from Murphy, the sniper who had been quiet up until now.
I sighed, facepalming and wiping my hand down my face as I continued. I pointed my finger at the sniper, “And it was YOU that started it, YOU I blame!”
Murphy gave me the ‘What me?” look.
“Yes YOU!” I calmed down a bit, rubbing my face between my palms as I continued on in what I hoped was an even tone of voice. “You had to show these bunch of over the top apes, My Little Pony, you just had to. But that’s okay, I understand alot of folks like the show.”
Smiles and high fives made the rounds around the campfire.
“It really got bad when you all wanted cutie marks; yes I know what they are, on your weapons, and you know what, I was okay with that. Until...” I closed my eyes, tamping down the urge to just yell. “You went to an Afghani craftsman and got them INLAID in SILVER on your stocks! How the fuck you guys got that done in a combat zone I am not even gonna wonder!”
“But boss, they looked really cool!”
“The armorer had a shit fit for days! Do you guys have ANY idea how much paperwork I had to do cause you wanted CUTIE MARKS ON YOUR WEAPONS?”
They at least had the decency not to look at me, though the grins were infectious...bastards...
“But no. You guys couldn’t stop at that could you? Nope. It couldn’t be just ANY cutie marks, it had to be the Mane 6, yes I do know what that is. And YOU..” Here I pointed at Davis, “Derpy! Really?”
“Derpy rocks boss, don’t care what anyone says.” The others gave him a knocking around. Davis loved that little pony Derpy, he really did, and I couldn’t fault him. None of us had families, no wives, nothing. The sniper spotter was also a bit clumsy sometimes, he and Murphy were the tightest of friends. But that didn’t prevent alot of teasing which he took in stride, just like his favorite pony.
“But that blew over, it was calm for a while and I should have known you assholes were up to something. I really should have.” I closed my eyes, remembering the weapons inspection team, “Stuffing a nuclear weapons case full of My Little Pony plushes, because you wanted them to be safe. You DO know they inspect those damn things right? Of course the inspector wanted to know why we had a case marked Radiation Hazard on it, I had no clue, so I said sure check it out!”
“In case you guys were wondering, that’s where they went, I had to bribe the inspector with them not to turn us in.”
Martin slammed a hamlike fist on the ground, “Goddammit! I wondered where those went!”
I shrugged, “It was either that, or get called on it guys, I had to cover.”
“We forgive you boss, but....dammit...”
“Yes I know how attached you guys were to them. For cripes sake you apes ripped the base apart looking for them!” I looked at the ground, “And threatening the quartermaster didn’t help.”
Martin chimed in this time, “Hey, we thought he scammed em!”
I tilted my head and glared at him, “You did not have to kidnap his dog and tell him to return them or the “Pony Liberation Front” would dye its fur and have a cutie mark shaved into it’s ass!” I shook my head, “That was bad enough, but did you guys really have to print a manifesto too?”
“Well we didn’t know!”
“Awww, I liked my Derpy plush!”
“Noooo! Twilight Sparkle!”
“POWER TO THE PONIES!”
I let a breath out slowly, “Now you do.. you buncha idiots..”
“And you know, I didn’t mind that, I didn’t, you guys are the best and I covered and fought for ya. But you still had to go further huh? When I caught you guys in the bay doing My Little Pony coloring books and fighting over crayons, I let it go, never said a word.”
Cricks actually looked a bit abashed, “You saw that huh?”
“I did, and never said a word to you guys, I know what we’ve been through. It’s...I guess special when you can forget.”
We all sat for a minute, before I gathered up steam again, “But still, nope, you had to keep going. I weathered the flight crews bitching about the glittery stickers, yep, they were pissed. I had to promise the transport crews I would personally make sure you guys didn’t have any on you before they took us.”
Before they could get to complaining, cause I had searched their stuff before every flight, “But nope, you had to go even further! Choosing your own pony names was bad enough, but having tags made up for ALL your stuff? Shell Casing? Seriously? Head Shot..Glasses..Tumble Down? I hated you guys, I did at that very moment during a load out when I saw the names. “
“Hey, no one ever gave us any grief!”
“Because you’re scary motherfuckers that’s why! Other than that they’d have kicked us all in the ass!” I shook my head, “Head Shot the pony..wow, love and tolerate the shit outta that.” I laughed a bit, “Boy did you piss off that CQB Instructor, calling it Hoof to Hoof Combat. I thought he was gonna pop a vein.”
Everyone got a big laugh out of those.
“Then finally you guys took it even further. Everything else couldn’t top it, you had to go full Pony Rage on me.”
Now I saw them glancing at each other, looks of surprise on their faces, “No boss, seriously, you know?”
“Yep,” I nodded to myself, “Full on Pony Rage, you know who told me? The Master Sergeant. I didn’t mind you guys taking late night showers. Nope. Figured we get in at weird hours, no sweat. The Sarge was doing a night check and told me what he’d seen. I told him I’d handle it. Because now I knew WHY you took showers at night only.”
Now they were really looking at each other, never seen these guys that nervous. Oh man was I gonna relish this.
“You guys couldn’t just get into bar fights, couldn’t just do what every other idiot has ever done. Steal someone’s wife, get drunk and barf on the Colonel, nope." I punctuated the next few words with a finger like a gun barrel, “Full. On. Pony. Rage.”
I leaned forward, clasping my hands in front of me so I didn’t wave them around, keeping my composure. Which in any case was hard sometimes with this bunch of misfits.
“You had to do it. HAD TO. Couldn’t get normal tattoos like everyone else. Nope. 3D tattoos, full color, blazing real life tattoos.. And not on your shoulders, but on your ASSES of all places!”
“Uh, flanks boss.”
“I’ll kill you, shut the hell up. Not just on ONE side either, you had to get the full on Pony Rage Experience! BOTH SIDES! “ I put my face in my hand once more, sighing was just another thing to me now. “Murphy how you EVER got Twilight Sparkle’s Cutie Mark to fit on that skinny ass of yours I’ll never know!”
That sniper just sat and howled in laughter, “I know right boss?”
“I was called before the Colonel, to explain that no, they were not ‘gang’ tattoos. No, they were not” And here I pointed directly at Crick, who’s love of Rainbow Dash had gotten us in more trouble than I could count, “Gay Rights tattoos. We had to drag in the Colonel’s Secretary’s ten year old daughter, who happened to be at ‘Take your kid to work day” thank god; and have her explain exactly what a ‘Cutie Mark’ was!”
I eye-balled them with everything I had, making sure they knew exactly what I had gone through.
“For the first time in my career, I had to explain a cartoon to a commanding officer.” I pointed at all of them, “And WHY the entire unit was calling you guys Band of Ponies!”
They all exchanged high fives, I just sighed again.
“Martin, you are the biggest, meanest guy I have ever seen in my life, you have absolutely NO fear. The colonel asked me WHY you had three pink butterflies on your ass!” He was six foot six, built like an Abrams.
“I..uh.. well.. I like Fluttershy boss..”
“I’m not gonna ask. I don’t care. I got questioned on each and every single one of those tattoos, and thank god for a ten year old My Little Pony fan. Now you bunch of murderous pony lovers know why I was getting grumpy. If we hadn’t volunteered for this thing at Fort Detrick, they were gonna throw all of us into the Froot Loops box!”
Martin caught it dammit, he was big but by no means slow in the mental department.
“Wait boss, you said ‘us’, why would they do it to you?”
I stood up, unlatching my vest, and undoing my riggers belt, showing them what I had. There it was, bright and bold, both sides of my own butt, Luna’s Cutie Mark.
“No fucking way..” “Do what?” “Boss what the hell?” “GO BOSSMAN!”
I re-did my belt and vest, snugging it against my chest before sitting back down, “Did you guys actually think I’d let you go alone? We’re a team, and I’ll say it again.. You’re MY Merry Bunch of Murdering Bastards, mine, whither thou goest, go I.”
Of course, brohoofs had to be exchanged, now I was officially one of ‘them’. I really had never been mad, just frustrated at command for not letting my guys be. They were rough men, doing hard things in a time when it had to be done. If they wanted to lay on the bay floor and color in coloring books, by god, I’d let them.
But one thing I was never going to tell them, not in this or any other world, was that Luna talked to me.
It started about 6 months ago. After the.. well whatever anyone left wants to call it.. the war I guess. I’d always liked the cartoon, bar whatever those meatheads thought. Stupid Murphy getting everyone, including me, interested in that.
She walked into my dream like she owned it, looking around with wide eyes at what was happening. I think it was something about Africa, that was a nasty bloody mess. I thought it was just me being a bit off, all the cartoons and such, but no, she walked around talking to me as if she were separate from the rain of fire.
“Who are you, and why does your anguish call out to me?” She stared right at me, the dream stopped dead in it’s tracks as we stood eye to eye. She was bigger than I’d thought really, we were looking even across as she waited for my reply.
I figured why not, and told her who I was, what the dream was about, and what I was, a human. Ever since then, I had been visited by her. She calmed my fears, helped me do my job better with a good nights sleep. I was sure she secretly visited my bunch of roughnecks, but I never asked.
She did question me about them, wondering why I would do what I do.
I told her, about what we did and why. She was concerned at such violence, but I assured her it was the way of the world before it ended this way. “We’re a dead species. It’s all over but the last gasp your highness.” Yes I addressed her properly, if I was gonna do it, do it right, it’s called manners you idiots.
We talked about everything, I told her about the cartoon; she was surprised actually, maybe the universe works in weird ways, I dunno. She seemed to like the thought of being adored on two worlds instead of just one; she’s allowed, she’s best pony after all. Yeah I slipped that in there, screw you guys.
We would sit in the dream world, she would make it bright and cheerful, and I’d tell her stories of my happy little bunch of killers. I told her of the heroism I’d seen personally from this bunch. The things they’d sacrificed to make the world, hopefully, a better place. All we’d done and were still doing to help.
I told her we were just doing what we could to help the survivors, getting them to safety, what there was of it. Maybe they could build a better, peaceful world, we didn’t know. As George Orwell once said, “People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
We were those men. We were the ones who stood and fought while others ran. My detachment fought the good fight now. Oh, I understood some of the things we did were for politics, for some asshole in a suit somewhere. But we made it ours, we never hurt an innocent on purpose, ever. It was a hard and fast rule with us, if we didn’t like the mission, we stood down. We paid for it, yes we did, but my men hadn’t had to sleep at night with that on their conscience.
I explained this to the Princess of the Night, told her how I worried about each and every one of them. The nights by the fire, or in convoy transporting refugees, always alert, never quiet. They were my men, my brothers, my friends. They deserved more than this. But like I said, we hadn’t quite decided to lay down and die yet.
Now this is the Law of the Jungle -- as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back --
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf,
and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
I always did like Kipling....
As for refugees, yeah we had a full load this time, the hummers and deuce’s were loaded to the gills out of DC. It had been a hell of a fight getting them out, but now, we were almost to Ft. Detrick and the safety of the redoubt. I wondered how they were getting along underground, amazing what the US gov’t could build with them taxing the crap out of the citizens. Well hell, guess I don’t have to file this year, good on me, bloodsucking bastards at the IRS, hope they were the first to go.
We were swinging wide, bringing them in quietly when it all went to hell. Well, further into hell as Dante would say. Christ we were only a few hundred yards from safety.
I heard the .50 open up on the lead vehicle, Larue was pinning something down hard, tracers shot through the night from where I could lean out of our vehicles window to take a look.
There was a mob near the treeline cutting off the road to the bunker entrance, Larue was giving them everything he had. We didn’t have much ammo left for the big guns, we needed resupply bad, but he was making it count.
I called Davis and Crick, telling them to take the deuce’s and plow through the mob, get to the entrance, we’d meet them there. Our vehicle moved around them to back up Larue and Martin while the trucks slipped behind us, barreling down the road. I heard Keith yelling and pointing over to the west, seeing more of the mob come out of the treeline.
Shit, shit and double shit.
They were a mob alright, what the scientists called loons. The war agent that got these poor souls ate away the frontal lobes, leaving nothing but the urge to kill in their minds. What was left of them.
It was more of a mercy than anything else, the people in the mob were ragged, starving, just like in the old Romero movies. But they were still human. It was why we did what we did, to put them out of their misery, but we didn’t have to like it.
I spotted Martin, putting a few 40mm HE rounds into the crowd, there was so many of them, screaming and yelling for our blood. I scrambled up to the hatch, cranking back the charging handle, and letting loose our Ma Deuce. The big slugs tearing anything it hit apart, but they kept coming. God it was a bloodbath.
Keith pulled our vehicle up behind the other, forming a small barricade, distracting them from running after the trucks. I observed the trucks pulling up to the vault doors, getting the kids and adults out, waiting for those idiot scientists below to open them up. Keith had reared back in the drivers seat, pouring fire from his M4 into the running bodies. I swept the .50 back and forth in stuttering bursts; they fell like wheat, what a crazy thought.
I got a call on the radio, Davis and Crick were hollering that the doors weren’t opening, the people inside wouldn’t let them in.
I ground my teeth together as I stopped firing, letting the barrel cool as I tossed some grenades out, “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” Everyone ducked , dirt and gravel turned into shrapnel as it pinged off the vehicles, bodies lying in the clouds of dirt, with more stumbling through.
Hitting my link, I told Crick, “You tell those cowardly bastards, they don’t open up, we’ll blow those doors down and let them deal with this, TELL THEM!”
Getting an affirmative, I turned back to the fight. Martin had crawled on top of the vehicle with Larue, covering him as he changed out boxes, loading the links in and returning to firing. The barrel was overheating, but we couldn’t stop, there was too damn many of them.
Punching the link once more, I called to Martin and Keith, “Get into the vehicles, get us in front of the vault doors, form a barricade, move!” I felt our hummer move out as Martin jumped back into his, slamming it in gear and tearing out through the dirt.
We ended up circling the wagons you might say, forming a half circle around the vault doors, now opened. Guess threatening works sometimes, even though we had no way of blowing those doors open really.
Crick and Timmons, Davis and Murphy were shoving the refugees in as fast as they could, getting em behind those thick doors. The kids in our hummers were screaming their heads off as we dragged them out by the arms, throwing them to the four at the door.
Keith had taken over at the M2, mowing those torn bodies down as fast as he could, we’d be due to change barrels any second though. We couldn’t take the time, we were caught up in one of the biggest fights we had yet.
Larue was hitting the quick change for the barrel on his weapon, thank god we’d found the M2E2‘s for use. He was almost done when the crowd reached our little barricade.
It was like a wave of rotted humanity hitting the rocky shores of a beach, slamming up against the metal sides, clawing for our lives, or the refugees. They screamed and clambered over each other to reach us, the unaffected, blaming us for their condition no doubt, or whatever went through their minds.
The smell alone made me gag, Larue was firing point blank now, aiming down as low as he could to push the crowd back from his vehicle.
I heard the booming of another rifle, Murphy had set up on the concrete balustrade above the doors and was picking off anything that got through. The other three were waving at us to get inside, all the civilians were done getting in.
I waved to Larue, slapping Keith’s helmet to get his attention as we dove out of the vehicles, pushing as fast as we could to the doors.
We were tired this time around, this had gone far too bad and we’d have to wait inside for the uncaring flesh outside to wander away with no bait. God I couldn’t wait to be safe once more.
Timmons was holding at the door, firing his weapon at something behind me when I saw him turn, looking into the bunker. He was suddenly blown back from the doors, his vest smoking from where someone had shot him. What the hell?
The doors were closing! Crick and Martin were screaming at something inside as they crashed closed right in their faces! I immediately hit my radio.
“The hell are you doing? Open up! We’re not going to make it out here!”
“I’m sorry Lieutenant, we don’t need you anymore.” I recognized that voice, the smug bastard lead scientist.
“You sorry son of a bitch, open it up, my men are going to die!”
“We are planning a new society Lieutenant, one that doesn’t need your kind anymore.”
The bolts slammed shut with a rumble, leaving us alone with the caterwauling hordes outside. A final epitaph for me and my brothers.
“You bastard, I hope you rot in whatever hell comes your way. Start your new society if you want, but always know it was on the blood of good men!”
I ripped the earpiece out and screamed into the night, firing my weapon at a person that had gotten through the lines. My men were looking at me, strangely it was a lull in the fighting. But they knew, they knew immediately what my face told them.
We had to get out, I started giving orders, but we were trapped up against the vault doors. Our vehicles pounded by the merciless humanity pressed against it, I watched the trucks rock back and forth as we shot anything that slipped through. I tried, I did, not for me, for them.
Martin laid a big hand on my shoulder as we waited for the next wave, “It’s okay boss, it’s time to let go.”
I turned with a vengeance, “NO! No it’s not. Dammit we fought forever together, and some...some scientist who wants to build a utopia leaves us to DIE!”
Crick had gotten to Timmons, was holding him up to let him lean against the concrete. Both firing their weapons, covering us as we talked. Murphy and Davis were up top, raining hell on anything they could spot.
Martin squeezed my shoulder, looking at me with his brown eyes, “It’s alright boss, we had a good run.”
Wait a second... “You knew this was going to happen? You KNEW?”
Keith joined us, yelling out as he fired at a few more mob members, “We did boss, we saw how they looked at us, how they treated you.”
I shook my head, swapping mags now I was dry, firing at the line of walking killers, “I didn’t know, I thought I’d protected you guys from that.”
Larue launched a round from his 40mm, shouting back at us over the explosion past the barricade, “It’s alright L-T, it’s okay! Maybe we weren’t meant for more, but by god they’re gonna know we were here!”
Crick leaned against the concrete, opening up with his M249, laying down covering fire for us all to gather back in front of the vault doors, Murphy and Davis up above, keeping our backs clear.
I stumbled against the steel of the door, looking up into the camera lens that peered at all of us from inside. Putting my earpiece back in, I keyed my mic, saying as calmly as I could.
“You shits want to watch, to make sure your handiwork is done, fine. We’ll show you how to die right.” A line came to my mind, thinking back to my library haunting days, “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” I gave the lens the finger, ripping off my radio and tossing it aside as I stood beside my men.
I heard Timmons as I glanced over, gripping Cricks’ arm as he was fading fast, “Applejack.”
Crick laughed, wrapping a thick arm around his dearest friend, “Rainbow Dash you bastard.” Timmons grinned, leaning into his friend and closing his eyes forever. Crick let him down slowly, taking his position with a grim face. I saw the tears, watched them roll down his cheeks as he opened up with everything he had.
Murphy and Davis screamed at us from above, pointing to more killers coming out of the woods, we were surrounded. They poured over the barricade, shrieking their insane rage and incoherent words at us, those who drew their ire. We had no where to go, nothing left to do, so we fought. What was that line from Braveheart? Oh yes.
They fought like warrior poets.
It was a jumbled mess, I saw Larue go down under a screaming mass of death, being bitten as he fired his weapon, taking a few with him in an explosion of flesh. I had no time to grieve, it was all so fast, so like a picture show. Crick stood over his friend, firing out his weapon and switching over when they breached our barricade, so very many.
All I saw was howling faces, teeth and ragged nails going for me. I ran dry as well, switching to my sidearm and pumping out rounds as fast as I could. I knew it was useless, but I couldn’t go quietly into that dark night.
Murphy and Davis were down, I heard them yelling up top as they got overrun, they both splattered down lifeless next to us, the crazed humanity following them over the edge and onto our group, slamming the rest of us into the hard ground. We got overwhelmed from in front and above, there was nothing more to say or do.
I felt the teeth at the back of my neck, as the night faded in my mind.
Then nothing.
“Boss? Boss? You there?” A grip like iron rocked my shoulder.
Oh god, even dead they couldn’t leave me alone.
I cracked my eyes open, seeing a bright sky, Crick’s face looking down at me. “We’re dead, go find something to do.” I closed my eyes and went back to..what?
“Boss, get up L-T, c’mon man.”
“I swear to god I’ll kill you again Crick. We’re dead, I’m not your boss anymore, go bother Saint Peter or someone.” Oh yeah, heaven’s gonna love my guys.
“Boss, listen to me, you really need to get up.” Crick’s voice had a seriousness in it that made me perk up. Opening my eyes I looked at him, his face clean, eyes shining brightly.
I scrubbed my eyes with my fists, getting the sleep out of them or whatever you’d call it. I sighed, my normal state of affairs and sat up, putting my hands down in..grass? Now I really got interested and looked around. It was a bright blue sky, puffy clouds drifted in a warm breeze, trees in the distance the colors of summer.
“What the hell Crick?”
“We’ve been waiting for you boss, we didn’t want to do anything without you.”
“Do what? For god’s sake Crick what the hell man, I gotta do everything for you guys?”
He laughed, slapping me on the shoulder, “No L-T, but we thought it only right.” He pointed off to the side, his finger waggling towards.. oh god.. my guys. They were all right there, laying in the grass, was Martin picking flowers? The others chatting with..with..
I shot straight up, standing in the warm sunshine, “Luna?”
The Princess turned and waved to me as I wandered over, Crick’s elbow nudging me as he chuckled again, “Luna’s wanting to talk to you, lucky guy.”
“What you’re thinking is illegal in most states you perv.” I glared at him out of the side of my eyes.
He held up his hands with a laugh, “Whoa now L-T, wasn’t saying that at all!”
I thumped his shoulder and laughed as well, “Aw hell, we’re dead, what can they do to us now?” Shaking my head we met up with the group, I gave a bit of a bow to the Princess as she greeted me warmly. The guys just snickered behind their hands, “It’s called being polite you gutless wonders.”
“My apologies Princess, it appears being dead hasn’t improved their manners any.” I glared at each of them in turn. “Or are we dead? Heck I don’t know..”
Luna smiled, a bit sadly, “I am afraid you are Andrew.”
Murphy piped up, “Andrew? Waaaaaaiiiit a second, you’re on a first name basis with Princess Luna? You dog!” His comment was followed by wolf whistles, and the usual amount of bullshit I expected from these guys. “You the man L-T!”
I held a finger up to Luna with an importuning look, she smiled and waited. I turned around to the group, “I swear by all that’s holy, I’ll murder you all, every single one of you. Just cause we’re dead doesn’t mean I can’t do something. She's royalty for chrissake!"
Not a single one of those unrepentant assholes even looked as if they were embarrassed or abashed. All I got was winks and seeing them nudge each other, and the grins got even bigger.
I turned back to the lovely Night Princess, “I apologize again, really I do, please don’t tell me this bunch of idiots has been doing anything wrong?”
She laughed, a clear sound like a bell, “No, no Andrew. They have been most kind, and very proper toward myself and my sister.”
“I’m sorry..sister?” Out of a glow of golden light, an even larger Alicorn walked over to us. All of us got very polite very quickly, I even saw Crick take his helmet off. She was beautiful, alabaster coat, eyes that looked into your soul, and a smile that warmed the heart.
“Yes, her sister Andrew, we have been talking with your men here.”
I pinched my nose with my fingers. They must have seen the look on my face, wondering how long I’d been out and leaving this bunch alone with royalty of all things. Can they throw you out of heaven?
They both laughed out loud, “Fear not,” Luna tut tutted, “ We take no offense from heroes, and you all are that, at the least.”
I took my own helmet off, wondering why if we were in heaven we still had gear on..well..minus weapons of course. Running my fingers through short hair I nodded, “So they told you what happened I take it?”
Celestia shook her head, “No, after my sister told me of you, we scryed upon a world gone mad, and a few proud ponies.. pardon.. men, who were trying their best. We saw the betrayal and were saddened.”
I shrugged a bit, sure I had a half smile on my face, “Well, it had to end sometime I guess. So what are you two doing in heaven anyways?”
The two sisters smiled at each other, “These, are the Heavenly Fields, where ponies come to rest. We....decided you might like it as well here.”
Tilting my head I stared at them for a minute, “Wait a second, you hijacked us to pony heaven?” I hooked a thumb back at where my guys were high-fiving and laughing, “You do know that even a regular heaven wouldn’t want us in there, especially those guys. Are you absolutely positive you want to let them loose here?”
I was treated to the warmest smile I had ever seen in my life, she saw right through me...dammit, “All you say just proves how much you do care, we see into hearts Andrew. Besides, we had to, to allow us to do this.”
“Do what?”
A golden glow started up nearby, I turned, almost reaching for a weapon before realizing. I stood with the rest as we watched seven very different ponies walk out of the nimbus of light.
My face must have held a look of utter astonishment, Luna nudged me with her shoulder, almost throwing me off balance. “We thought that a few friends would love to visit their most ardent admirers for a while.”
I put my adrift jaw back in place, as a thought ran through my head. Oh crap. I turned and gave a wait signal with my hands as I ran over to the guys, taking them away in a huddle and talking to them quietly.
“Omg L-T it’s Twilight Sparkle!”
“Applejack is real!”
“Derpy?”
“Shaddup, all of you, shaddup, listen to me.”
I got their attention quickly, “Listen to me quickly. You all know we’re not in what we’d call our heaven right?”
“We know that chief.”
“Yep!”
“Absolutely!”
"Si Senor!"
“Fine, so let me just say this. The first one of you, the FIRST, that tries to show one of those nice ponies over there your cutie mark; I don’t care, I WILL find a way to make you suffer, you got me? You get us on the shit list in heaven, I swear you’ll pay.”
They all nodded, promising to be on their best behavior.
“Then, gentlemen,” I gave a firm emphasis on gentlemen, “Please, enjoy your afterlife.”
I watched as they went over to talk to the group of ponies. Yes, even peeking out from behind Applejack was a very pretty little wall-eyed mare I recognized as Derpy.
Muttering to myself, crisis averted, I walked back over to the two Royals, “I am sorry, trying to head off problems before they happen. Lord forbid we get thrown out of heaven.”
Once again laughter rang out beside me as I watched my men. Saddened we had to end this way, but at least, knowing we were in a place that actually cared about us. Wonder if there were hamburgers in pony heaven? It was strange, standing and talking to a larger version of a character I had only seen on TV. The thought hit me, that it really was odd I was taking this so well, and seeing my guys do so as well. Maybe that’s part of heaven, leaving those little worries behind?
I watched my guys, actually being on their best behavior, of course I saw the laughter when they told the ladies..er..mares? About the cutie marks they had gotten, and were admonished about finding their own from Twilight Sparkle.
Celestia spoke up, “Derpy the mailmare was quite frightened when summoned by us to Court for this, she wasn’t quite sure what she’d done wrong. We assured her it was nothing but a trip to meet some very special people, and one most of all who loved her.”
I spotted Davis with the little grey mare, walking and talking over near the hillside. She seemed only to have eyes for the strange person walking beside her.
I nodded in return, “But did they know we were..well...different?”
Luna spoke up, “Yes, we informed them, they were quite alright with this.”
I asked though, “How can this be? I mean, we’re dead, I know we are. But how can we be so solid, so..so..alive?”
The white alicorn smiled again at me, I swear she did that on purpose just to see someone blush at the warmth, “The universe is not so cruel Andrew. We live in a world of magic, what use would it be if we could not talk to and be with loved ones and heroes.”
I stared at the ground for a minute, taking in the words, and came clean. “Look, your Highness..”
“Celestia please.”
“Celestia.” I groped for the right words, “We’re not heroes. We’re nothing but a bunch of misfits that had a hard time fitting in. We only had each other, we’re killers as well.” I waved an open hand their way, looking at the two Princesses, “But they are good men, they gave their all.”
Luna actually leaned against me, “We know Andrew, we’ve seen their hearts, they are good and true. Do you think nopony is allowed mistakes?”
I watched my men, seeing them smile and laugh for the first time in I didn’t know how long. I saw Timmons talking to Applejack, his favorite pony..hold on.. was she blushing? Was Timmons flirting with her?
“GODDAMMIT TIMMONS YOU KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF!” They both looked at me, and Applejack motioned with a hoof in my direction, nudging Timmons out of sight.. Wait a sec..can ponies give you the finger with hooves? Did the Element of Honesty just flip me off?
Before I could move to go roust his sorry ass, I felt the warmth and heard the rustle of feathers as a dark wing covered my shoulders, “Calmly Andrew, calmly. I believe maybe in your own world, mares were somewhat attracted to brave stallions no?”
I looked at her to respond, did she just wink at me? Celestia seemed to be looking somewhere else at the moment.. It took me a second to recover, “I know, I know, I guess old habits die hard.”
“As we well know, “ Celestia replied, “Long and long do ponies live Andrew, and they remember all to well some things. Take heart, she knows she is truly admired and adored.”
I watched my little band. There was Martin sitting with Fluttershy, both of them just sitting and talking quietly. Crick giving Rainbow Dash a hoofbump, probably the highlight of his afterlife, it’s a wonder I didn’t hear a squeal of glee from the goofy bastard.
Larue of course, gesticulating wildly with a shockingly pink pony..yes Pinkie. I just prayed to god he wasn’t talking about explosives with her. Murphy seemed to be drawing some diagram in the dirt for Twilight, both looking mightily interested, that really had me worried.
But the one that got me, Keith.. walking along with Rarity of all ponies. Really? His definition of high fashion was a new pair of sneakers. Takes all kinds I guess.
The wing around my shoulder tightened a bit, I laid a hand on Luna’s withers gently. “Thank you both.”
“It is not often we get to spend time with our little ponies, nor have they met anyone that adored them so very much. It is very much our pleasure as well.”
Nodding, we stood and watched for a bit, hearing Celestia make an offhand remark to me quietly, “So I hear you’re quite the admirer of my sisters Cutie Mark Andrew?”
Closing my eyes I sighed a bit, it came so naturally now with everything, “Maybe that’s a chat for later?” I begged.
Yep, that laughter again, warm and sweet.
It allowed me to take a look at the Heavenly Fields. It was Heaven for sure, green grass, rolling hillsides, bright blue skies and the warmth of the sun on your face.
“I admit, this sure won’t be a bad place to stay for eternity.”
Both sets of eyes turned to look at me, “Who said you had to stay?”
What?
