Chapta ahdeen (Russian for 1) the awakening of super mega death killer pony!
Author's Note
Sorry if this destroyers your brain cells, so I put some Russian lessons in the title so if you ever go fill moron you can read game of thrones.
-Lightning [T]/
Chapta ahdeen (Russian for 1) the awakening of super mega death killer pony!
Joey Joeson from the village of Joe is a disgusting slob. He leaves the seat up, hogs the air-bags more commonly known as Walkers Crisps, and paints Tyranids light blue instead of a mild purple. But unforcanatly he died so were looking with our eye balls at this estus chugging casual, Sir Generic Overused the Mainstream.
Generic is a fan of ponies and is 1 of the only bronys in his school. But at night hes XxLolZar_69Xx, the ninja-flipping, magic-spamming, Estus-chugging, Zwei-swinging casual, lord of all GiantDad scrubs! Buuuuut because of re-hashing the shit I usually write I'll write some other crap!
Generic was at war gaming club (held every wednesday, half 12-half1), his vast army of overpriced air-fix knock-offs. He'd spent ~5 hundred of his gosh on it whilst his opponent, xxxxxxxnoob3_ca2uaLxxxxxxx was new to the game and only had several lf the school's figures. The winner was the person who killed the oponants general. Mine was behind a squad of Illuminati-green chaos marines and cultists that looked like Steven Spielberg and Nick Clegg's love child. Whilst Ca2uaL's was behind a replica of Shrek's outhouse with the coffin-tank dreadnought.
"Time!" Finnith of Sacrbough-shire yelled, signaling the beginning of the match. both Generic nd ca2uaL both rolled their dice. Shitty-buiscits! Ca2uaL got a seventy! Generic hoped he rolled a Rolls Royce or else Ca2uaL would go fir- damn, a six hundred and sixty six, Generic will have go last!
Ca2uaL looked at the board, and rolled the pimp dice of first-ness , oh fuck-nuggets, a 5! I followed the trace of the snipper ripple bullet though the flaming ring of my apostle, and straight past of all of Generic's meat-shields heads, and straight into his general's head!
"Umm… Game!" Finnith shouted, throwing High-Hill Jew (Mt. Dew) and triangle powder crisps (Doritos) at Ca2uaL.
No,no! Generic has never lost! He screamed into the celing, the power of his dragon shout turning him into a red and black alicorn OC like the 1 on his fan-fic website about kinky trolls. He shot fire from his hooves, burning the weed that rained from Snoopy's bong, and tore a hole into PonyVille. Generic then fell through the hole!
Generic woke up in a field of green grass, a pink pony above him.
"Hello, I'm Pinky pie! Who are you!?" She asked, albeit her words where muffled because of the ringing in your ears. It took a while, but you managed to say,
"Please don't tell me I married another Hagraven!" You moaned.
Lightning struck and the clouds turned black. A purple pony princess ran towards you.
"I need you help!" Shw screamed, "another ancient evil that was banished 1000 years ago has returned!" Although it was hard to make out, all you knew was that 1000 AD was an awesome year!
After several seconds of fast traveling and loading screens, you reached Celestialand, fun for all the family! A deep feeling of anxiety filled in Generic's stomach and then he saw it. A long line!
"What's going on down there!" You asked Celestia, who was convieniantly right next to you.
"My evil half-brother, Barron, evil guy has returned, and he's hogging the big wheel!" Everypony around you gasped, and you looked down the queue, and she was right. Only one pony was on the Ferris wheel!
"We tried the six elements of harmony, but they don't work, we need a seventh! And only the most generic man of all can do it! She reached into her big bag and got out a crown of awesomeness and tried putting it on but like opposing magnets, it would not go on.
"I have an idea!" Generic said turning to Twilight, "Twi, I love you! I've read all the fan-fiction between you and your haram with everypony else in Equestria, now let's go to the plane bathroom simulator down the block and get my genetic power over 9 thousand!
After a while Celestia knocked on the bathroom door, "hay, you finished in there!" She asked
"A-almost. I think it's about 8000. Hay rainbow, you've got a nice arse, correct?"
RD blushed, and was almost completely muted when she said "I-I think so?"
"Good" you said "now get in here!"
After several more minutes a satisfied-looking red and black alicon OC smoking a fine-arse cigar stepped outside the airplane bathroom, a bad-arse looking crown of fatality on his head. They pushed through the queue with their VIP passes and blasted the rainbow laser of awesomeness down on Celestia's brother, killing him instantly.
The seven ponies cheered because of their triumph over the seventeenth ancient evil evil-son person of evilness that was bitch-slapped 1000 years ago.
But suddenly the ponies in the queue vanished leaving the play-park empty. The seven elements looked at Celestia on the number cars exclaiming "haha! I've tricked you! I only did this so the ponies would be distracted so I could go on the bumper cars before them! BwahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahHhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!" She exclaimed, bumping into car número 7 with her pimp car.
"Haha, Celestia!" Generic said"you've given me the power to bitch-slap evil people now I'm gonna slap a hoe!!!"
Celestia stopped her car, "U wat m9?" She asked, shooting pew-pew lasers from her large horn. But Sir Generic Overused the Mainstream was a powerful wizard-man. He completed the Mage guild quest line in 5 days, only using godmode when the spooky scary skeletons hurt him too much with their shitty weapons.
Charging his curvy horn of blueness, he spammed crystal soul spear at Celestia, overpowering her even though she's had thousands of years using da majiks whilst Sir Generic has literally just shot his first spell.
"I call hacks!" Celestia screamed whilst she got right dead-ed man! Finally she died and Generic chugged estus on her corpse whilst dressed as the guy who killed her in that other story I wrote which got like tones of likes, all the while spamming the 'Well? What Is It!' gesture as Tia's corpse. Then Luna was all like 'yay I'm queen', but she fell to her death during the red wedding, and King Jeoffry 'Justin Bieber' Lanaster got poisoned at the end of season 3, and Blueballs got an overused pun in his knee and died of infection.
King Generic Overused the Mainstreem sat on his pimp throne whilst Twi talked to her,
"Do you want to go home now?" She asked
"Na man, I'd like to stay here. Besides, my father would kill me if I said I shagged 2 ponys in a plane bathroom sim!" He continued, "now let's go to the pub and get pissed until our heads pop off!"
fin
