Princess Luna Has a Chat With an Author
I Don't Think I'll Ever Do That Again
"...You're gonna start or what?"
"But what am I supposed to write?"
"How should I know? You're the writer here."
"But it's my first time! And besides, you're the Pretty Night Princess. You should know everything and whatnot..."
"Yeah, I would know everything if not for the author's stupidiness!"
"Isn't it 'stupidness'"?
"...I've no idea actually, go check it in the wordbook or something."
"I typed 'stupidiness' in the translator and it asked me if I meant 'stupidness', so I guess the latter's right. I mean, that's the Internet, and the Internet never lies."
"Why did you write 'the' like this?"
"I wanted to experiment with those thingies at the top."
"What thingies?"
"Oh, you know, the ones that make you do stuff."
"Ah, you mean the thingies!"
"Yeah, exactly!"
"And what did you find?"
"That I can type in colors!"
"Sweet Celestia, don't start on that..."
"Why?"
"It hurts the reader's eyes."
"But I feel so powerful!"
"Actually, do whatever you want. It's not like anyone's gonna read it anyway."
"Why do you think that?"
"Drop the colors first, it really is a pain to read like that."
"Okay, tell me then, why do you think my story won't be good enough for reading?"
"Well, first, you're a newbie. Readers always smell newbies, and no matter how good the story is, they'll have reservations. Secondly, your idea isn't that original and whatnot. There's a bunch of stories just like this one, if not better."
"I'm on this page for Celestia knows how long, and didn't see a single story about a fresh writer trying to get around thingies that do stuff and one of the princesses scolding her everytime she does something wrong!"
"Have you been looking for one?"
"...No."
"See? I'm right again."
"Yeah, yeah, Princest is Wincest and all that."
"...What did you say?"
"What, you don't say that?"
"Do you even know what it means?"
"Well... I heard this before, and I thought it sounded cool and... I guess I just wanted to use it in my story."
"Whoa, you sounded so deep, like you were about to confess or something. It's supposed to be a light-hearted fic."
"Okay, I'll stop with that, but we're going off topic here. What does this Princest is Wincest really mean?"
"You're too young for this."
"Oh, come on, I'm almost mature!"
"Yeah, I'm, like, a few thousand years older that you, I know better."
"Pft, you don't have to tell me. I'll just Google it."
"Don't!"
"See? I'm Googling it and you can't d- sweet Celestia, why did I Google it..."
"I'm right. Again!"
"What kind of sick person would even think about something like this?"
"Yeah, heh, totally, sick ponies, sick people, and all that... Hey, you think your story would be accepted to the 'Dialogue Only' group?"
"Dunno. What does it take to be in a group?"
"No idea. We'll figure that out later."
"Yeah, I guess you're righ-"
"Again!"
"...Whatever."
"Oh, where's all the fun that was there a few minutes ago?"
"I'm tired. I wanna go to bed now."
"No way, we need, like, four hundred more words to go."
"WHAT?!"
"Well, duh, didn't you read the rules?"
"..."
"It has to be at least one thousand words long."
"WHAT?!"
"Drop the shouting! We're about seven hundred now, we'll be all right!"
"Sorry, but I've just been writing for so long..."
"Hey, it's okay, I know you can do it!"
"Thanks. No, really, thanks. I needed that."
"No problem, that's what friends are for."
"Whoa, too deep! Too deep!"
"Oh, come on, that was a sweet moment!"
"Princess? Are you still here? You're so deep I can't even see you!"
"Try to be nice, they said. Don't snap at them, they said..."
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Not that, the thing behind you. What is it?"
"I don't see anything"
"Huh, me neither. But the voices said there was definitely something over there!"
"...What voices, now?"
"The ones inside my head, duh. Every author has one, they told me so."
"You mean, the voices?"
"Yeah, I sometimes talk to them when I'm alone."
"Uh-huh. Tell me, what do you and the voices usually talk about?"
"Oh, random things. You know, what's for dinner, how was my day at school..."
"How to take over the world?"
"What? No! I'm not crazy."
"Yeah, what was I thinking..."
"And what about you?"
"What about me?"
"What do you talk with your voices about?"
"R-right. The voices."
"Yes."
"My voices. In my head."
"I'm surprised how fast you processed that."
"I-I don't talk to them that much. I'm often busy doing... important stuff."
"Like giving bad advises to a newbie artist who, after publishing that story, will probably cry herself to bed for the next two months?"
"Why would you do that?"
"I've lived in Poland. I've seen hate."
"Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that..."
"Oh, don't be! It's amazing here, really! we've got pierogi, and bigos, and burning rainbows, an-"
"...Burning rainbows?"
"Yeah, that happened, like, twice or something."
"You are burning rainbows there?"
"Sometimes. But after a while it just gets annoying."
"Let's change the topic before you're gonna get hated for that story even more."
"You mean, it's that bad?''
"How do I put this..."
"Just tell me."
"In a scale from one to a hamburger, you'd get, like, a lettuce."
"At least it's better than one, I guess."
"Yeah, no."
"Oh."
"Sorry."
"It's alright. That's my first story after all, right? Heh, yeah, I'll be fine, I'll be great!"
"You're totally screwed if you publish this."
"I know."
"And you're going to do it anyway."
"Indeed."
"Stupid teenagers."
Author's Note
Well, I finally did it, I wrote my first story!
I'm not even going to read it now, I'm too scared.
If anyone, ever, is going to reach the end and not rage quit because of his lost time, it would be awesome if you left me a comment, some good measured criticism and all that. Don't go light on me, I'm a tough girl, I won't cry that much.
