Author's Note
For my mother.
I'm sorry...
As I walked down the streets of Canterlot on Hearth's Warming Eve, I saw fillies and colts with their mothers, tugging their coats, pointing at stores and toys and what-not. Stores like Toys R We, Toy Fortress, and the like, and presents like Iron Stallion action figures, dolls, and such. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
Four years ago, I was sitting by the fire, sipping hot cocoa and covered in a blanket. I was 10, then. I still remember my joyful face when I opened my presents and got a GameColt, a toy train set, and everything I wanted. I still remember watching Hearth's Warming movies with my father, going to the special play they host and everything. I remember... I remember my mother... Yes, the mare that put me on the planet in the first place. The one who stood by my bedside when I was sick, who spent her bits like water just to ensure I could have happiness on my birthdays and such, the one... Who I never thanked or said I was grateful for.
My father and I did everything together. He worked to ensure we stayed in the house, which was quite large, I might add. Two stories, three bedrooms, everything in a large house. We watched TV, like my favorite show, "The Three Fools", movies, like "The Ender", and joked around and played and talked together. Never once did I think about my mother. She worked to make sure we were happy. That's a royal "we", by the way. She spent her money to make sure I was happy and joyful. She made my birthdays as happy as they were, she made my Hearth's Warmings as cozy as they were, and never once did I say, "Thank you, mom! You're the best!" or "I'm glad you're always here to take care of me, mom." Not once did I say anything of the like.
And, four years ago, she vanished.
No one knows how it happened. It just did. She was wiped off the face of the planet. Some say she was killed, be it by herself or by an outside force. Others say she got lost somewhere, like the Everfree Forest. No one knows for sure, and it always drives me to near madness. For a few days after she disappeared, I didn't think much of it, thinking she'd come back after a week or so. Perhaps she took a vacation. She went to friend's house? Visiting some relatives? It's been FOUR YEARS. After about a month, I started to think. My eyes were finally opened. I thought of her warmth, her caring for me, her niceness, everything. I said "Thank you" a grand total of 0 TIMES.
I started beating myself up because of the guilt. I started cutting myself, and having legitimate thoughts of suicide. I kept going, however, thinking she would come right through the door and hug and kiss us. This was a spark of hope I kept up for this long. I'm still wondering if it shall burn out. I had friends backing me up, but they did little to help. My brothers? Still mixed on that one. Either way, everyone was sorry for her. My aunts, my father, my cousins, my siblings.
However, no one was more sad than me.
People try to help me out. It rarely works. I tried immersing myself in music. Doesn't work. I try playing video games and watching TV to ease the pain of the absence of her. Once more, another failure. I don't know when she'll come home, or when this depression will end. It may haunt me till the end of time.
I shall not open my previous three undeserved Hearth's Warming presents until she comes back. The holiday seems empty without her. She just wanted a family to talk, laugh, and love her. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
And I have no one to blame. None other than myself.
She was upset that night... She playfully poked me on our way to the play. I flashed a look that said, "What are you doing?", which, unfortunately, was misinterpreted as a death stare. Probably should've let her do it, or think about my next facial expression. I ended up paying the price for it. She said that me and my dad were both rotten to her. Although, in our defense, my dad rubbed off on me more, and she worked through the day. I saw my dad right after school. He got off at 5:00 p.m., she got off at 9:00 p.m. I usually go to bed by 10:00 p.m. That's a 4-hour difference. Even so, my dad's asleep by 8:00.
And the next morning, she was absent. She told my father she was returning something to PVS, though I know it was my Hearth's Warming presents for that year. She'd gone to all the stores and returned them. As you can imagine, I was quite upset myself, considering I know I got some great gifts that year. But, I never counted on her not returning herself. Strangely enough, she didn't. The next day (before anyone noticed she was gone), my presents were under the tree. I wondered if I'd see her again. Seems like an impossibility that that'll happen.
To this day, I look out my window, waiting, just waiting to see her shimmering blonde waves of her mane and tail, her tan body, her palm tree cutie mark. I see shooting stars a lot when I look out. I always wish to see my mother's face just one more time before I'm dead.
Mom, I'll always wait for you.
Thank you, so much, for the amount of love you've given me these past 14 years.
