Author's Note
Merry Hearth's Warming Eve/Christmas!
Discord's Present
Hearth's Warming Eve, like most holidays in Equestria, was mainly a pony thing.
It was created by ponies, celebrated by ponies, and enjoyed immensely by ponies. Out of the seemingly hundreds of celebrations and holidays each year, it was the one that truly strengthened that aura of friendship given out by Equestria. And since maintaining that aura was a chief priority for the ponies, this made the holiday even more of a "pony thing".
Yet if one gazed out of their window, they might behold a peculiar sight: An individual with the head of a pony, a goat leg, and a deer antler sporting a multicolored winter cap and ice-skating upside down in midair while singing traditional Hearth's Warming Eve carols backwards. This bizarre vision could be seen at nearly any time of day in nearly any place in Equestria, not limited to places that could only be accessed directly. Considering the contradictory nature of the sightings, it was safe to theorize that there were multiple copies of this weird event operating all over Equestria. This was true, for only in Ponyville resided the real Discord. His holographic clones were mere bits of his own festive cheer he created to amuse and discombobulate the citizens around the land. He was much more active in Ponyville, where his affection towards Hearth's Warming Eve radiated brighter than Celestia's sun.
As early as three in the morning, Twilight wound awaken to find Discord adding yet more flair to his own idea of decorations. These consisted of wreaths bearing tiny goat heads that sang popular carols of the day, or rather made painful noises mimicking song. Stockings found their way into dwellings, innocent in appearance. However, when a pony skeptically reached their hoof into one of these stockings, they would be rewarded with a sudden electric shock from within. It was a relatively painless experience, but a startling and irritating one for the unlucky victim. Hanging from nearly every tree were medium-sized glass balls containing what appeared to be a beautiful wintry scene of snow and cottages. But when one approached these for a closer look at the gorgeous little place inside, they received a blast of snow to the face for their curiosity. Strangest and most unavoidable of all, the dirt roads leading to and from Ponyville had been turned into piano keys. When stepped on, the keys produced a different noise. Usually it was a mere animal sound, but sometimes it was weird noises they couldn't identify. Needless to say, Pinkie Pie highly enjoyed this addition to Ponyville.
Discord's enthusiasm for Hearth's Warming Eve was met with mixed results. The mayor, who thought she should avoid taking a definite stance on the matter, pointed out that everypony should feel inclined to celebrate the holidays in ways they saw fit. When one sarcastic pegasus inquired as to if she should therefore burn down all of the cottages “in the spirit of Hearth's Warming Eve”, the mayor hastily swung the conversation around to some complicated political matter handed to her by her secretary. Most of the citizen ponies were annoyed by Discord's actions, although Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and a few others didn't really mind the disruption. Twilight, somewhat mirroring what the mayor had said, stated that Discord was simply “celebrating in his own way” and they should all take care to leave him alone. Rainbow Dash, who had awakened one day to find her cloud home surrounded by flying glass ornaments that insisted on copying her every word as she tried to shoo them away, suggested that they round up a group to kick the mischievous draconequus out of Ponyville altogether. Since this was ill-advisable, it was instead decided, with much grumbling from Rainbow Dash, that they would just leave him be unless he committed an extremely malicious act. Princess Celestia only smiled and shook her head in amusement when she found out what Discord was doing, suggesting that it wasn't a concern for her.
The day before Hearth's Warming Eve, copies of Discord could be found on every street corner in Canterlot, ringing a bell that screeched like a trapped bird and urging everypony to have a great holiday. Most of the ponies sped up when they noticed him, pegasi taking to the sky and unicorns magically enhancing their speed beyond normal levels to put distance between themselves and the enthusiastic draconequus. Those with last minute shopping to complete hastily detoured to get away from him. Discord didn't seem to find the ponies' attitudes off-putting. On the contrary, his level of cheer rose dramatically over the course of the day. Other than making a lot of noise, he didn't do anything that could be seen as malevolent. In fact, he gave out cookies to the few ponies who actually approached him, including an intoxicated Berry Punch who mistook him for a screaming lamppost. At the end of the day, Discord was in as high spirits as he had been at the beginning. He cheerfully strode around Canterlot as Celestia lowered the sun, taking his clones from existence until only he remained. He accomplished this by shrinking them to approximately four inches in size and then casually digesting them all. For their part, each clone gave him a cheerful “Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!” before they were devoured whole.
“What a wonderful night to be alive!” he exclaimed blissfully.
Discord was not finished for the night. He still had one additional task on his “To Do List”, which he idly pulled from his ear in the form of a rolled up piece of parchment. He unrolled said parchment to reveal an expansive lists of things he had to complete by Hearth's Warming Day. Most of them were circled off to indicate that they were finished, but one remained: Getting presents for Twilight and her five comrades. Buying said presents was hardly a need, as he had the power to simply create presents out of nothing. But one query arose from that final mission: What should he get each of them? He wanted these presents to be special. He wanted them to be loved. Of course, he could always get them something, then rewind time and make a second attempt if they didn't like the gift. But he had promised the princesses that he would not tamper with time unless they required it of him. His gift would have to be flawless on the first attempt.
So what were the perfect gifts?
Twilight awakened early on Hearth's Warming Eve for Spike's sake.
While she liked presents, she didn't particularly enjoy waking up at a ridiculously early time to open them. But for Spike, who always woke from his slumber at dawn, she made an exception. Her sleepiness was a minimal complaint if she got to spend this holiday with her number one assistant. Every year, she was determined to see his face light up at the sight of his presents.
“Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Twilight!” Spike greeted her cheerfully.
He was sitting in front of the Hearth's Warming tree, a partly-opened gift box in his lap and a childish grin on his features. There was nothing more equipped to bring out his true age than this holiday. He sometimes complained about Twilight treating him as if he was just a little baby, but on this day he was content to drink hot cocoa and snuggle against Twilight contentedly in front of a roaring fire. Ever since that first Hearth's Warming Eve, when Twilight's family had allowed him to join in their celebration as if he was related to them, he didn't being being treated as if he was a foal.
“One from AJ, one from Rainbow Dash, one from Fluttershy, one from Pinkie Pie......,” Spike rattled off, indicating each present. “Two from each of your parents, one from Shining Armor, a small one from Rarity, a huge one from Cadence......”
Twilight approached the tree to examine the boxes meant for her. If she knew her friends and family well, she had an inkling of what each box contained based on the sender alone. A collection of homemade bookmarks from Shining Armor, she suspected. Chocolate from her parents, accompanied by a pair of books. Jewelry from Rarity, a stuffed animal from Fluttershy, sports equipment from Rainbow Dash, a customized balloon from Pinkie Pie, a bunch of apple desserts from Applejack, a ridiculously immense collection of spellbooks from Cadence, and a notebook from Spike.
“Whose this one from?” Twilight inquired, gesturing toward the final present.
The final one didn't contain a name or any other form of identification. It was of medium size and wrapped differently from the others. While the other gifts boasted traditional wrapping with barely any pattern, the last gift was encased in wrapping paper that sported all sorts of conflicting patterns ranging from polka dots to charging buffalo.
“Discord dropped it off five minutes ago,” the young dragon explained. “He had a big sack of presents with him.”
This news troubled Twilight slightly. She trusted Discord completely now, but she wondered what his business around Ponyville that day was. It seemed out of character for him and somewhat worrying. She hoped he wasn't planning an elaborate practical joke for Hearth's Warming Eve. Knowing him, his idea of a prank might very well destroy the festive air. Being reformed did not make him any less of a Spirit of Chaos.
Timidly, as if it was likely to be an explosive, Twilight levitated the present towards her. She shook it a little, cringing in preparation for a sudden movement. Fortunately, shaking did not produce any bad results. There was obviously nothing alive inside the package and nothing that was rigged to erupt in frosting. A bit more confident, she held the gift directly before her in midair and began to unwrap it. What type of gift does a draconequus give? she wondered. None of her books had ever mentioned them giving presents or even celebrating Hearth's Warming Eve.
Inside the package was a simple, innocent-looking book. The literature bore no title on its cover. Only a blank dark sapphire stared back at the confused unicorn. She turned the book around, examining it from all angles for anything concealed. There was absolutely nothing written on either side of it. If it had a title to explain its purpose and plot, it was invisible to her. Intrigued, she wondered if it was a journal of some sort. An unusually thick journal, she thought. The book was more bulky than her hoof. Deciding it was indeed a kind of diary or journal, she opened it to behold its blank pages.
And to the complete astonishment of both Spike and Twilight, a mare clad in heavy armor leapt from inside the pages. She landed with an audible clank on the castle floor, her visor descending to conceal her eyes as she did so. She was clothed in the same manner as knights often were in the books Twilight perused. A style not unlike that of the royal guards, but consisting of a lot more covering and a less flamboyant helmet. This knight did not seem surprised that she had gone from being inside a book to being in a castle. She merely stood there, utterly serene in this place as she gazed around at it through the meager opening in her visor. A minute proceeding her arrival, a second knight, this time a stallion, leapt from the pages of the book. He wore the same armor, except larger and without the helmet. Fastened to his left hoof was a dagger with a curved blade. Upon seeing the other, he extended the hoof equipped with the dagger and charged. The mare responded by equipping her own dagger and likewise charging with an intent to kill.
Twilight just stared, mouth agape, at the scene before her. She didn't even notice at first when the book she was still holding with her magic began to speak in Discord's voice.
“.........like stories so much, I thought you'd like to participate in the most realistic story ever created. Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, my dearest Twilight!”
Rainbow Dash was hesitant to open Discord's gift.
When he first dropped it off, cheerfully wishing her a merry Hearth's Warming Eve, she was reluctant to even lay her hooves on the box. She thought it likely to explode or maim her in some way or another. When she finally reeled in the courage to touch the box, she was astonished that nothing undesirable happened to her upon contact with it. She trusted Discord more than she had previously, but there was still that lingering thread of distaste towards the supposedly reformed villain. Regardless of him helping them save Equestria, she could not forget the time a group of candles attacked her on his command.
If possible, Rainbow Dash would have opened the box at a distance. As she couldn't do that and, despite her mistrust, was curious about its contents, she settled for prodding it with the tip of an enormous candy cane given to her by Pinkie Pie. It didn't respond to her touch, therefore she concluded that it at least was not alive. Still, she approached it cautiously, circling as one might around a dangerous animal. She gradually decreased the size of her circle until she was close enough to open the box. Her hooves working carefully and her body prepared for the slightest sign of an attack, she undid the bow and peeled off the wrapping paper. With the same care, she pulled the flaps of the box open to reveal what was inside.
“Holy Celestia,” she muttered, surprised.
Nestled inside the box was a guitar. Not an average guitar one would expect to come across in a store selling musical instruments. The guitar was obviously custom-made down to every tiny detail. It was the same shade of blue as Rainbow Dash's fur and the strings were in the colors of her mane. The far end of the bridge was adorned with her Cutie Mark. But the most obvious indication of who the guitar was meant for was the image of her own face on it.
“W-Whoa,” the blue pegasus stammered, caught off guard. “Discord doesn't play around!”
She would never admit it to anypony, but she was deeply moved by this gesture. Never had any of her friends gone to this length to create something for her. Their idea of “special” gifts normally amounted to nothing more spectacular than sports equipment or new clothing. She had never received a gift she could call unique in every way and made specially for her use.
“Finally, an instrument to match my awesomeness!”
She put her hooves to the strings, prepared to begin her first ever performance. If it sounded as well as it appeared, she might disregard her dream to become a Wonderbolt and pursue a career as a professional guitarist. Granted, she wasn't very good at playing the guitar, but she could make up for it with flashing lights and a hairstyle that appealed to young female ponies. That would at least prove she knew something about the music industry.
“Yeah, that's it, Rainbow! Shred me like you mean it!”
A shriek of surprise burst from Rainbow's mouth. She nearly dropped her brand new guitar in her shock. If she wasn't mistaken, the face on it had just moved. Well, it had done more than simply move. It had spoken to her in an exact copy of her voice and, apparently, with sentience. Memories of attacking candles flooded her brain. She dreaded a repeat of that humiliating incident.
“Uh....you can talk?” she uttered, puzzled.
“Of course I can talk! The most awesome pony deserves the most awesome guitar! But enough about that. Weren't you just about to play me? Come on, play me! It's my first time, so be gentle.”
Rainbow Dash suddenly felt very uncomfortable about the item in her hands, and it wasn't merely the fact that it was a talking guitar. Reddening a little, she carefully placed it on the floor, leaning it against the gift box it had come in. She backed away from it as if it was going to lunge at her. To her distress, the thing continued to speak even though she was no longer in contact with it.
“You can't be done already! Come back here and play me! Don't you wanna have a nice, long play to start off your day? It doesn't even have to be a full one! Just a quickie before you go out. Come on, I need to be played before I go crazy!”
Ignoring the door, which was actually a bit closer, Rainbow Dash turned and leapt out of the open window. Her wings unfurled in midair, slowing her descent. When she felt she was low enough, she began to elevate her to a more appropriate level. She was blushing furiously, although she didn't quite know why. Despite not being too close to the window, she could still hear the guitar screaming to be played. It was very disturbing to hear her own voice yelling out to her.
“I can take it, I promise! No matter how hard you want to give it to me, I can take it! Come back here and play me!”
Rainbow Dash flew off in search of Discord, thoughts of revenge already forming in her brain.
Fluttershy was very pleased to learn what Discord was doing.
She had been afraid that the holiday season would cause his bad side to resurface. The sight of all those happy ponies might break something inside of him, causing him to revert back to his villainous ways. Hence, she was delighted to find out that he had decided to spend Hearth's Warming Day doing kind deeds for her and her friends. He told her that he was giving each of them presents. When she received hers, she assured him that she was very proud and that he was doing the right thing. Perhaps with this new kinder side exposed, ponies would cease judging the poor draconequus for his past failures.
“I'll open it right away,” she told him before he departed.
She did unwrap it soon after he left, keeping her promise. Due to the size of the box, she thought it might be that brand new extra-large bird feeder she had had her eyes on since the approach of Hearth's Warming Eve. It was capable of feeding up to ten birds at once, which would certainly delight her airborne friends. She had been desiring one of her friends to buy her one for Hearth's Warming Eve, but she wasn't certain they had translated her signals. However, Discord was know for his amazing foresight. She opened the box enthusiastically to reveal what was inside.
It was a.........thing. One would have liked to be able to call it something other than that, but that was the only way to describe it. Even Fluttershy, equipped as she was with her vast experience of all kinds of creatures, had never in her entire life seen something like this. She knew it was likely an animal of some kind, but beyond that she was ignorant. She gazed at it in complete mystification, trying to work out what it was and why Discord thought she desired one.
The creature was taller than Fluttershy, but chiefly due to its position. It stood on two legs, rather than the four that were customary. Dark fur, appearing silky in texture, adorned its entire form. A long tail curled from its back above its posterior. Its face, a lighter shade than the fur surrounding it, was rather adorable, yet no less odd. Its eyes were oval in shape and dark, gleaming with a small flicker of intelligence. When it emerged from the box, it stared in confusion at the equally bemused pony before it. It seemed as lost about her species as she was about its.
The box also contained a note written in an elegant text. It was apparently from Discord. If the signature did not give away that fact, the other evidence was that it was written in text that kept literally attempting to leap from the page and escape. Fluttershy lay her hooves across the scared little letters to calm them prior to reading the message. At her touch, they settled down and consented to be perused.
Dear Shutterfly,
Your adoration for animals is one of your greatest traits. I, of course, have no love for nasty things that poop everywhere. But the fact that you do is admirable. I decided I would find an animal that you don't have in your personal collection. I'm not sure what it is, though. “Wherever did I find it?”, you might ask. All I can say is that I had to travel a long way from Equestria to get one. Got major jet lag. Hope you like it!
--Discord
Fluttershy's gaze wandered from the letter to the animal in front of her. It was examining the nearest birdhouse with interest, the strange appendages on the ends of its arms playfully shaking the item. Fortunately, there was no bird inside the thing at the moment. Fluttershy had removed it for her yearly Hearth's Warming Eve cleaning regimen. The other creatures in the room, from timid to courageous, had retreated into the corners to stare warily at the newcomer. Angel was peeking from behind the couch, an aggressive look of distaste on his features.
“He-Hello, Mr.....Mr.... I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?”
The thing turned to her at the sound of her voice, its brow furrowed as it regarded her. It did not reply to the question. Although Fluttershy wondered if she would even be able to translate a response. All her years of training as an animal caretaker hadn't prepared her for this. She had familiarized herself only with creatures that were common Equestria and knew the languages of all of them. Did this....thing even speak a language?
“My name is Fluttershy,” she introduced herself politely. “If you don't have a name, that's fine. Angel didn't have a name until I found him. How about we call you....Gifty? I-I'm sorry, that's not very good, is it...?”
The newly-named “Gifty” uttered a warning snarl. It made an odd noise, a cross between a shrill laugh and a series of sharp cries. It pounded its claw-like appendages against its chest before descending to all fours. It advanced on the flustered pony, obvious malice in its eyes.
For the first time, the yellow pegasus felt uneasy. She didn't understand what Gifty was trying to communicate to her. Was it hungry? Scared? Annoyed at her terrible choice of name? Was this its unique way of greeting somepony? Why hadn't Discord, in his outstanding foresight, left her instructions?
“I'm sorry, but I don't understand,” Fluttershy admitted, extending a hoof. “Are you...mad at me?”
With a deep growl of combat, Gifty bared its teeth and lunged at the astonished pony.
Rarity decided Discord wasn't as bad as she had always thought.
She had never expressed any true caring for him, yet he generously bestowed upon her a gift! She was touched at his kindness, a trait she had always thought foreign to him. She even offered him an affectionate smile and a freshly-baked cookie before he departed. She was pleased when he accepted both and more convinced that the incident with Tirek really had been the final stage of his reformation.
The gift box was small, hence Rarity thought it likely a piece of jewelry. She didn't know of Discord's taste in jewelry, although she resolved to wear it at least once to return his courtesy. She thought he might be lacking in fashion sense due to his refusal to pair any appropriate clothing with that lovely goatee of his. The actual contents of it were only slightly a disappointment, for it was still something to be worn and something she could not reject: A brand new collar for Opal. It was studded with emerald gems that seemed to glow with magic. The feline's name was written in opulent purple letters.
“Oh, look, Opal!” Rarity exclaimed, thrilled. “A brand new collar from our good friend Discord!”
Rarity fastened the collar around Opal's neck, pleased about how gorgeous it looked. It was even more appealing than the previous one that she had made herself. If Discord had bested her in cat accessories, he was now rapidly moving up her companionship list. She would enjoy questioning him on his inspiration for the attractive design.
“Doesn't it look stunning?” she whispered, in complete awe. “Opal, my dear, I simply must create a sweater to go with it! I know Mommy said no work on the holidays, but in this case.... Where's my sketchbook?”
“Mommy also said she would fill my food bowl every morning, not get her brat of a little sister to do it. Mommy says a lot of stuff, doesn't she?”
Rarity was silent for a minute, supremely befuddled. She had heard a voice, this fact was clear in her mind. But where in Equestria had it originated from? She was alone in her abode at the moment, Sweetie Belle having decided to spend Hearth's Warming Eve with their parents. The only other living thing in the room was her cat Opal, and Opal wasn't capable of speech. Therefore, who or what had just spoken to her?
“What's with this “Mommy” stuff, by the way? You might not have noticed, but I'm a cat, not your foal. If you want offspring so bad, why don't you just get one of those lustful stallions to knock you up? Probably more fun than pretending your cat is your child. That's just plain messed up, by the way.”
Slowly, only slightly able to believe it, Rarity turned her gaze to the feline sitting on her bed. It was staring at her lazily, its expression giving her no evidence. Yet she was certain that, however impossible it might be according to logic, that Opal had spoken.
“Opal, darling, did you just speak?” she inquired warily.
“Took you long enough. You might have business sense, but you're kind of all beauty and no brains without that. Three guesses on what type of stallions are lusting after you. On another note, I think Discord is bucking with us both. “Good friend”, huh?”
It was a testament to how many bizarre things Rarity had witnessed that she recovered from a talking cat with ease. She only needed two minutes for the idea to settle in her brain.
“I think it's absolutely marvelous that you can talk, my dear,” she uttered truthfully. “I've always thought it was a shame that I didn't have anypony to give a second opinion on my creative genius. You, who have been my willing assistant for years, will surely have some tips for me that could widely improve my designs. Isn't this lovely, Opal? Between the pair of us, we shall shine all across Equestria!”
“Your willing assistant?! Listen, lady, forcing me to help you out when you're too tired or drunk on apple cider doesn't make me “willing”. I'm a bucking cat, for Celestia's sake! What am I supposed to do to get away from a magical unicorn who doesn't understand “meow”? Oh, and of course you'd be too shallow and caught up in your own world to notice this, but I HATE fashion. I don't give a flying feather about what anypony is wearing! Just look at my face for a minute! Do I LOOK like I care which color goes best with red? Or which shade of green would compliment a gold vest? You see my face, the one I'm making right here? Preserve it in your memory, because this is literally the only face I ever make and ever will make to describe how I feel about your useless excuse for a business!”
Her tirade completed, Opal curled up in preparation for a nap.
Rarity fell backward onto her back legs, speechless.
Applejack, forever honest, felt inclined to consult her family about Discord's gift.
She neither believed nor disbelieved that Discord was truly reformed. She thought it was risky to take either side in that and no opportunity had come up for her to. But since he had given her a gift, one he obviously expected her to utilize, she was forced to choose between trusting the former villain or discarding his peace offering. He seemed genuinely softhearted when he wished her a blissful Hearth's Warming Eve. Being a forthright pony herself, Applejack was excellent at identifying deception.
“What do you think, big brother?” Applejack questioned nervously. “Is it safe to drink or should we get rid of it?”
The gift was a bottle containing a beverage that somewhat resembled apple cider. According to the words on it, the liquid was “Jack Daniels”. The Apple family had encountered many types of apple cider in their farming careers, but this brand was unknown to them. Hence, Applejack was hesitant to imbibe it. She doubted that Discord would outright poison her, but she thought it prudent to be on her guard. The note that accompanied the new drink informed Applejack that it was “from some place far away”, which did little to reassure her.
Big Macintosh assessed the bottle cautiously. He took it from Applejack and perused the words on it. He studied the glass the bottle was made out of, the curve of the letters, and how the liquid within reacted to his gentle shaking. Eventually, he unscrewed the bottle and drew the aroma of it into his nostrils. It didn't carry a suspicious balm in the slightest.
“Ee-yup,” was his final word on it.
Applejack took a long whiff of the beverage herself. The smell was so new to her that she couldn't like or dislike it. Nevertheless, she thought it was a welcome change from the scent of apples that normally hovered over whatever she drank. She did get tired of indulging her life in the fields outside of the fields.
“Guess I could give it a try,” she concluded, shrugging.
She closed her eyes, tilted her head back, and took a long swig of Jack Daniels.
Discord relaxed in midair over Ponyville, pleased with his work.
You did it, Discord, he congratulated himself. You made a lot of ponies very happy for the holidays. I bet they're all sitting around the fire right now, talking about the excellent and ingenious presents their bestest of best friends Discord got them. Somepony should write a book about me.
His state of self-satisfaction melted away when a projectile slammed into him. The startled draconequus, his guard bypassed by the unforeseen attack, was thrown backward several feet, the wind battered from his lungs and agony erupting in his chest. He landed, or rather halted in midair, clutching his stomach as a galaxy played before his vision. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to hurt a member of Discord's kind. Not kill or seriously maim, but cause considerable physical distress if one manages a surprise attack. Unfortunate Discord became living proof of this in that moment, his body reeling from the assault. To recover from it, he lifted his head from his neck and shook it vigorously to put his senses back in order. He only replaced his head when he ceased seeing planets and stars before his eyes.
The cause of the attack was a blue pegasus, her battle stance suggesting that another one was incoming. Nopony would expect a rainbow-maned pony to appear intimidating, but that was one of the basic skills a pegasus learns during their training: The enemy must fear you on sight. Thus, Discord was a bit rattled by the expression of sheer wrath on Rainbow Dash's visage that communicated her intent to pummel him into scarreed living matter. Of course, she wouldn't be able to exterminate him utterly, but she would be capable of dealing some agonizing blows if she had the chance to land them.
Passing over the fact that he was being attacked for no reason, Discord wisely chose to go for defense before he could suffer continued damage. He snapped his fingers, causing Rainbow Dash's limbs and torso to disappear from existence. She was left as a mere floating head, which suited him perfectly. She couldn't hurt him with only her head, or at least that was his idea.
“Whatever has made you so upset, Rainbow Dash?” he questioned worriedly. “As your friend, I....”
He had used the wrong word, as he discovered a minute proceeding.
“FRIEND?!” erupted the blue pegasus in animosity. “I oughta....”
She didn't get any further, for Twilight Sparkle arrived at that moment. Similar to Rainbow Dash, she appeared furious at Discord for some reason. Luckily for the bemused Spirit of Chaos, she didn't rush to attack him on sight. She instead halted a foot or so in front of him, paying little attention to the bodyless pegasus floating in front of Discord. In addition to her look of anger, there were two small bandages on either of her cheeks and one immense bandage across her left side. She looked as if she had been in an intense scuffle beforehand.
“Discord, what in Equestria is wrong with you?” she cried, shaking with rage. “You.......!”
A voice bellowed Discord's name. The three of them were a noticeable amount of feet away from the ground, yet the voice managed to carry to them at the high altitude. They looked down and saw two small dots that seemed to be Big Macintosh and Applejack. The red dot was supporting the orange dot as if she had lost her ability to stand properly. Curious, the three of them postponed their discussion and descended to the ground. Discord did Rainbow Dash the courtesy, and perhaps the error, of returning her torso and limbs prior to them doing so.
Applejack was swaying as if she was on a boat, her expression dazed. She hiccuped, leaning against Big Macintosh with an idle, silly grin on her features. At the sight of Twilight, Discord, and Rainbow Dash, she uttered a short burst of laughter. Hiccuping again, she stumbled forward to greet them. Her signature hat was on sideways, yet she apparently didn't notice.
“Woo-wee!” she uttered, slurring her words. “Now its a party! Where's that Pimpy Pie? Oopsie, I mean Plunky Try! Excuse me, ya'll, I'm a tittle lipsy....heh heh......”
Twilight stared at Applejack in bewilderment, temporarily forgetting her fury at Discord in the process.
“What happened to AJ?” she queried, disturbed.
In answer, Big Macintosh pointed a hoof at the draconequus. All at once, Twilight's rage came rushing back to her. She turned back to Discord, her anger sprinting forward a few notches when she noticed the entertained smirk draining from his features. She opened her mouth, beginning to construct one of her infamous lectures. She didn't know or care if a lecture would cure the situation. Her only concern was to release the full scale of her anger before it consumed her from the inside.
Her lecture was stopped preceding its start by the arrival of Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus wore a smile on her face, which didn't at all match what was happening to her at the moment. Sitting on her back was an odd animal the ponies had never seen before. It had seized her mane in one hand and was maliciously pulling on it, releasing a barbaric screech with every tug. Still the pegasus smiled, albeit the others saw it was labored.
“Fluttershy, what in the name of Celestia's sunrise is that thing?” Rainbow Dash demanded, horrified.
The yellow pegasus laughed nervously at the question. She cringed as the animal changed tactics. It ceased pulling on her mane with its hand and began using its teeth instead. It also seemed to be attempting to consume her mane, although she was certain that she hadn't used that strawberry shampoo again.
“His name is Gifty,” Fluttershy responded, wincing. “He's just...um....playing. That's right, isn't it, Discord? He's...playing.”
“No, he's trying to eat your hair,” Big Macintosh corrected her bluntly.
A scream flew through the air, startling the ponies. Even the strange animal halted, removing Fluttershy's mane from its mouth and turning to gaze in the direction the shriek seemed to originate from. It was not the normal type of scream one hears from a pony. It was a histrionic shriek unique to one particular unicorn who enjoyed overreacting whenever the situation permitted. As the ponies had predicted, Rarity came running towards them. She appeared slightly deranged, her mane an unkempt mess and a look of absolute desperation on her visage. When she neared them, they noticed that her cat was following close behind. For whatever reason, Rarity seemed to be running from the feline.
“Get her away from me!” the purple-maned unicorn wailed. “Make her stop! Please, for the love of Celestia, Luna, and the Holy Saddle, GET HER AWAY FROM ME!”
She dove behind a confused Twilight Sparkle for protection, shuddering in terror as she regarded her cat. Contrary to her owner, Opal wore her usual expression of indifference. She paused to lick her paw before she spoke, or rather the collar translated her thoughts into words that could be understood by the entire group. The voice that issued from the collar was male, despite the cat being female, and reminded the ponies of a sophisticated stallion from Trottingham combined with one of the elite ponies from Canterlot. If they had been from a universe inhabited by intelligent evolved apes, they would have recognized it as the voice of a popular young television character whose head was shaped akin to a football.
“I'm not done yet, your highness. Let's talk about Miss Rarity, the ladylike pony who can take care of herself. Whoop-de-bucking-doo for you! Defying stereotypes and all that. Aren't you SPECIAL? Stop acting like you're so great just because you kicked a manticore in the face or whatever. We get it! You don't have to go to your weekly martial arts class and boast about it to the other students. Very “ladylike” of you.”
Rarity whimpered and slid down further behind Twilight, as if she thought that she could sink into the ground entirely with enough force of will.
“Can't you just, you know, take the collar off of her?” pointed out Twilight, arching her eyebrow.
“I tried, Twilight! I tried! It won't come off! I pulled on the thing until I nearly sprained a hoof, but it won't come off! It's evil, Twilight!”
“Evil” was perhaps too strong of an adjective, but nopony fixed her word usage. At that moment, the majority of them felt that the ultimate force of evil among them was the draconequus who was trying to hold back his mirth.
“Hey, where's Pinkie Pie?” asked Rainbow Dash, scowling.
If Discord was relaxing when she found him, it obviously meant that he had finished delivering presents. If that was so, where was Pinkie Pie? They had all managed to locate Discord by following his trail of decorations, therefore Pinkie should be able to do the same. They could only imagine the twisted party-based item he had given her for Hearth's Warming Eve. What horror had she been given to delay her so?
As if summoned by their questions, Pinkie Pie appeared at that moment. Contrasting dramatically with everypony else, she wore her common smile and had the same bounce in her step she always maintained throughout adversity. She wasn't maimed, itching, or otherwise bothered in any physical way or in any mental way based on how she looked. The only significant thing about her was that her toothless alligator Gummy was clinging to her mane. He looked rather shaken by something, although Pinkie didn't notice.
“Howdy, everypony!” she greeted them cheerfully. “I came by to tell Discord thanks for the super-duper present!”
She pointed a hoof behind her, indicating something that was taking a while to catch up to her. The other ponies turned, a bit scared despite Pinkie's happy attitude. It turned out they were correct to be anxious, for the creature approaching them was not one that would usually warrant the blissful smile on Pinkie's face. It was a large, scaly reptile whose width and girth surpassed that of any of them, except Discord himself. It looked like Gummy, except larger and, most worryingly, with a mouth filled with the sharp teeth Gummy lacked.
“I named him Toothy,” Pinkie told the aghast group brightly. “Gummy was so excited to get a new friend that he hasn't left my side since Toothy came out of his box! I know they're going to be bestest friends forever. Ooooh, and look what Toothy does when I play the harmonica!”
She pulled a harmonica seemingly from nowhere and blew a single note into it. In response, the massive alligator flicked its tail in either annoyance or glee. The ponies couldn't tell if he was responding to the harmonica or if it was an unrelated, random movement. The creature was eying Gummy maliciously, a fact that escaped Pinkie's notice. Gummy attempted to fold himself into Pinkie's mane to conceal himself from the baleful stare. There was certainly enough of it for him to hide.
It seemed that Pinkie Pie alone was satisfied by her gift. But one fulfilled pony does not add up to much against a remainder of distressed equines. While Pinkie played the harmonica, the others launched into a tangled array of threats, complaints, and general expressions of annoyance against Discord. Twilight's lecture was swept away in a wave of infuriated shouts, most of them coming from Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh. Fluttershy and Applejack were the only ponies besides Pinkie Pie who did not join in the shared verbal attack. The latter because she had passed out and the former because she was never one for screaming matches. Although it was not much of a screaming match, since it was mainly all of them yelling at Discord and him only stammering in response.
Hearth's Warming Eve did not start pleasantly for any of them.
Afterward, Fluttershy found Discord in the meadow.
He wasn't laughing in triumph as he often did after a successful practical joke. He wasn't using his powers to distort space and time, his usual hobby. The only thing he had done with his magic was clear out a little space in the snow for himself to sit, staring forlornly into the distance. Fluttershy had never seen him so detached from his joking, carefree personality since he was betrayed by Tirek. Back then he had simply seemed remorseful, realizing that he had made the wrong choice. Today he had gone a step further than remorse. He was heartbroken.
Fluttershy's voice took on that motherly tenderness she reserved for scared or miserable animals. Or in this case, sorrowful friends. She had used it to soothe Angel when he was bullied by other rabbits, assure a mother bird that she was going to be fine, and coax countless animals into her trust.
“Discord?”
Without glancing at the pegasus who had said his name, Discord snapped his fingers. A patch of snow beside him evaporated. Where the snow had been there was suddenly a lavish emerald pillow, its size capable of accommodating one pony. Discord himself was sitting on plain grass, hence this was an uncommon act of pure civility on his part. Although, when Fluttershy took a seat on the pillow, it made an impolite noise of flatulence that lined up perfectly with Discord's style. He apparently couldn't resist, even when he was in a miserable state of mind.
“We know you meant well,” Fluttershy assured him kindly. “I....um....liked my brief time with Gifty. Twilight is seeing about having him sent back to where he came from and Rarity used her magic to get the saliva out of my mane. No harm done. You were doing your best.”
Discord shook his head, his eyes clouded with misery. He wouldn't allow himself to be soothed by those common words, words he processed as being insincere even if they weren't. His sadness was too complete for that. It went deeper than could be healed instantly by a “We know you meant well” from a friend who always thought he meant well.
“Did I mean well?” he queried wistfully. “I don't know anymore, Fluttershy. I was a villain for most of my life. I caused endless misery for ponies in the name of my own amusement. Oh, Fluttershy, you were always kind to me no matter what I did! You believed there was good in me and I started to believe it as well. But maybe we were both just trying to cope with a sad reality.”
“Discord, that isn't.....!”
“You wouldn't understand, Fluttershy. Nopony could ever understand me because they haven't been me. I'm an oddity. I don't belong in this world of love and friendship I tried to destroy. I tried to prove that I was a kind soul and look what happened. I caused nothing but misery for the ponies I claimed were my friends.”
His claw extended to trace an image in midair. An image of six ponies, huddling together with overjoyed smiles on their faces. Wrapping them in an affectionate embrace was Discord himself, sharing their elated smile. The image began to move, the ponies and draconequus laughing silently in joy. Sighing dejectedly, Discord waved a claw at the scene he created. He disappeared from it, leaving the ponies to their mirth without him.
Fluttershy stared at the image, her heart breaking. She had never realized how much her and the others meant to Discord. But hadn't it been foolish of her not to see it? His first real friends in thousands of years, his first taste of love. Of course they would mean something to him. Of course he would be devastated at being rejected by them in any way.
Fluttershy turned to speak to Discord, to reassure him that everything would repair itself with the aid of time.
But he had vanished.
Discord stared over the edge of his Thinking Tree.
The tree looked eccentrically out of place in the Everfree Forest. The surrounding trees looked tame and dull in comparison to the flamboyance of the Thinking Tree. This was exactly how Discord liked it. He wondered why he hadn't thought of moving his tree to this location sooner. It suited it much better than its usual place. The nothingness between universes was an unsuitable spot for a Thinking Tree.
“I really must think of moving all my stuff into this place,” he muttered to himself. “It has a style I can't find anywhere else in Equestria.”
A flash of magic alerted him that somepony had appeared nearby. He assumed that some reckless unicorn, intoxicated by holiday cheer, had overstepped their teleportation spell. It happened frequently around Hearth's Warming Eve, ending either hilariously or badly for the unicorn. Discord tossed around the idea of making himself invisible, but decided against it in the end. He could care less if some random pony came across him by accident.
It wasn't a “random pony” in this case. It was a very significant mare, taller than most other ponies, her flowing mane resembling the night sky. She walked, rather than employing her wings, to the edge of the Thinking Tree to gaze upward at its occupant. She obviously had not found him by circumstance and certainly not due to a failed teleportation spell.
“Discord, Spirit of Chaos,” Princess Luna greeted him formally. “We request your presence at Princess Celestia's Hearth's Warming Eve Ball. I have come to deliver your invitation personally because my dear sister is currently occupied with other matters.”
Discord stared lazily at the princess of the night, not at all concerned. He hadn't even known there was a Hearth's Warming Eve Ball before she mentioned it. And even now, with the knowledge of it, he wasn't inclined to attend. He wasn't one for fancy social gatherings, at least not in the current universe. The word “Ball”, much like the word “Gala”, brought to his mind images of determinedly egotistical ponies who would expect him to partake in dull, polite conversation and not turn dishes into frogs. The only pony who could have persuaded him to go would have been Fluttershy, and only then if he was in an unusually giving mood.
“Sorry, but I'm busy whenever that thing you mentioned is going to happen,” Discord fabricated nonchalantly. “Run along and play!”
Luna bristled in fury at Disord's response. The last pony who had told her to "run along and play" had ended up sending her to the moon for the longest time-out of her life when they became adults.
“All of the Canterlot elite are expected to attend,” she told him icily.
Discord chuckled. The Canterlot elite? Was he to believe he had been forgiven to that extent? After all of his past malevolence, he was sure that the ponies would be hesitant to give him any status that might allow him to cause trouble. Clearly Princess Luna was stretching the line of believability to fulfill her royal duty.
“I'm really sorry, but I simply can't go to that Ball thing. I have nothing to wear and my make-up is a mess!”
With a snap, Discord was suddenly clothed in a hideous polka dot dress and wore curlers in his mane, in addition to one attached to the end of his goatee. Lipstick was smeared haphazardly across his lips and unattractively massive false eyelashes protruded from the corners of his eyes. The sight was comical, but it was meant to get the point across in the clearest way available to a draconequus: He did not want to go to the Ball and he would pull out any number of excuses.
Princess Luna, who was not fluent in draconese, only increased her attack.
“Many ponies of royal and elite class are expecting you,” she informed him sternly. “The Hearth's Warming Eve Ball is one of our biggest celebrations, perhaps even bigger than the Grand Galloping Gala. You do not have to bring a present, if that is your concern. Food and beverages will be provided for everypony, including meat dishes for visiting griffins....”
Discord tuned out Luna's obviously rehearsed monologue. He didn't know why she thought she could alter his opinion with the promise of royalty or a marvelous repast. His kind did not have to eat in order to survive, therefore food was only consumed for pleasure. And he of course had no interest in dukes, duchesses, queens, kings, princes, or princesses. The only thing he wanted, preferably for the next two thousand years, was for everypony to leave him alone.
“YO, DIPCORD!”
The shout startled Discord into paying attention again. That wasn't the kind of language one expects a princess to use, even Celestia after imbibing too much apple cider. Puzzled, yet amused, he looked down over the edge of his Thinking Tree to make a snide remark to the foul-mouthed equine. But then he realized that it was not Princess Luna who had yelled to him. Another pony had arrived on the scene. Luna herself was turning to stare at the newcomer, equally surprised.
Rainbow Dash landed at the base of the Thinking Tree, a dark scowl on her features. She did pause to bow to the princess out of respect, but only as a reflex. She didn't think to wonder why the princess happened to be there. She was there for Discord and Discord alone.
“My friends wanted to tell you something, but they thought it would have more of an impact coming from me,” Rainbow Dash explained brusquely. “Celestia knows why!”
She cleared her throat, obviously reluctant about speaking. The words seemed to be having trouble finding their way from her brain to her throat. This caused Discord to pay attention, because even he knew that this wasn't a normal aspect of her character.
“We're not mad at you about the presents,” she admitted at last. “At first I was pissed. Super pissed. Like pissed times the amount of bits Twilight spends on parchment every week. But you know what, Dipcord?”
To his surprise, she flew upward to perch next to him on his Thinking Tree. This was the very first time a pony had ever been in his tree, not that he had forbidden them from intruding.
“I was doing a whole lot of being miffed and not a whole lot of appreciating the effort,” Rainbow Dash continued, her voice sincere and slightly affectionate. “I get it now, dude. You were trying to do something awesome for us and you totally failed. But that's alright, because it's the thought that counts or whatever Fluttershy would say. The stuff you got us would have rocked if you hadn't Dipcorded all over it.”
Her words had a somewhat insulting edge to them, but Discord could read the message underneath: She was forgiving him for his failed gifts because she, and the rest of them, knew that he was only trying to make their friendship stronger by sharing the spirit of the holidays with them. He never meant them anything except goodwill, a first for him. It was natural that the ponies would send Rainbow Dash to deliver the apology. If he judged her personality correctly, she was a stubborn pony who found it difficult to make amends with anypony over their mistakes. If she could look him straight in the eye and say she forgave him, it meant everything.
“FYI, Applejack's still drunk off her flank and Big Macintosh is really mad,” the blue pegasus adjoined, smirking.
She put her hoof around the draconequus, her first physical sign of friendship toward him since his reformation.
“Think you can score me some of that stuff you gave her? Bet you twenty bits I can still fly straight after one bottle!”
Laughing, Discord accepted the wager.
Discord had fun at the Hearth's Warming Eve Ball.
He found the elite as boring as he expected to find them, but he had fun teasing them throughout the evening by making their hats fly away or switching their voices. He also played a few good-natured pranks on the princesses, each one of the ideas given to him by an intoxicated Rainbow Dash. When it came time for the actual dancing portion of the evening, he took turns teaching erratic, hilarious dance moves to the Mane Six. He eventually tired of this and settled himself in a corner. From there he amused himself switching ponies' dance partners around and swapping dirty jokes about cupcakes with Pinkie Pie. Surprisingly, they were able to exchange thousands of said jokes before the topic was dried out. All in all, Discord had a wonderful evening. He thought himself foolish for ever being under the impression that he would rather be alone in his Thinking Tree than here with his favorite ponies.
After it was all over, Fluttershy pulled him aside to ask a question.
“How was your first Hearth's Warming Eve?”
Discord, who had just saved a rainbow-maned pegasus from plunging into a tree at dangerously high speed, smiled warmly. He had done the courtesy of removing the talking face from Rainbow Dash's guitar, disabling the translation function of Opal's collar, turning Twilight's book into a regular novel, reversing Applejack's drunkenness and turning the Jack Daniels into non-alcoholic red wine, giving Fluttershy a figurine of the strange creature, and giving Pinkie Pie a cage for her new alligator at Gummy's mute request.
Discord summed up those collective feelings with one sentence.
“Rainbow Dash owes me twenty bits.”
Laughing in both victory and cheer, he followed the others outside to watch the fireworks.
