The Most Festive Chapter of All!
“Deck the hearths with lots of holly, falalalala, lala-lala!” Pinkie sang as she hopped along her way to Anon’s house.
Ever since the human had mysteriously arrived in Ponyville, he’d been welcomed with open arms. He’d recently requested that Pinkie help him with holiday decorating, which was just what Pinkie planned to do. It was a bit late to do so – t’was the day before Hearth’s Warming – but Pinkie never abandoned a friend in need.
As she neared the human’s house, Pinkie paused. “That’s funny. I thought trees didn’t grow inside houses.” She said, looking at the pine tree in Anon’s window.
She saw Anon walk up to the tree, and do something with it. Pinkie squinted to see what he was doing, when all of a sudden, the tree burst alight!
“Omigosh! Anon’s house-tree’s on fire!” Pinkie shrieked. “Hang on, Anon, I’ll save you!”
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“A’rright, let’s see if this thing Twilight gave me works…” Anon said to himself, messing with the tree. He flipped a switch, causing the magical generator to activate, providing artificial electricity.
To Anon’s surprise, the switch actually worked. The tree’s decorations came alight, and it began to shine. Anon watched the tree sparkle and shine, and sighed. Looking at this, he could almost feel like he was home aga-
BANG!
Anon jumped as his door slammed open, and the next thing he knew, he and his tree were sopping wet. Frowning, he slowly turned to the door.
Pinkie stood there, smiling, holding a dripping water bucket. “No need to thank me, Anon!” She said proudly. “It was my duty as a good neighbor to put out your fire for you!” Then she gasped. “Omigosh the tree’s still on fire! Hang on, I’ll get another-“
“Whoa there!” Anon said, gripping Pinkie around the waist as she made to run back out the door. “Chillax, Pinkie. The tree’s not on fire, don’t be silly.”
“It’s not?” Pinkie asked, wriggling out of Anon’s arms.
“Of course not.” Anon laughed. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a Christmas tree before.”
“Christmas who?” Pinkie said, an oblivious smile on her face as her head tilted.
Bewildered, Anon stared at Pinkie, before laughing again. “Good one, Pinkie!” He chuckled. “To think that you, of all ponies, doesn’t know what Christmas is.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Anon!” Pinkie said, smiling. “Nopony knows what a Christmas is.”
Anon stared at Pinkie. “But – I saw you all putting up Christmas decorations!”
“What, you mean the Hearth’s Warming Decorations?” Pinkie questioned. “Those are for Hearth’s Warming Eve, silly, not this Christmas guy you keep talking about! Who is he, anyways?”
“But – you don’t know who Santa is? Or Rudolph, or anything?”
“Santa who?” Pinkie asked.
Anon placed a hand on his head. “Aye carumba.” He mumbled. “Pinkie, c’mon over and sit down, and I’ll tell you all about it…”
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“…And then, this fat human named Santa Claus comes down your chimney and leaves you presents!” Pinkie said, grinning widely.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stared at her.
“Like a Genie?” Sweetie Belle asked, tilting her head.
“Exactly like a Genie!” Pinkie Pie answered, nodding rapidly. “Only without the lamp, or the blue skin, or the snarky attitude… actually, he’s not much like a Genie at all… but yeah, just like a Genie!”
“And how does this ‘Sanna Claws’ know what we want?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Well we send him letters!” Pinkie said. “Duh!” She pulled out a stack of paper and three pencils. “Here, try it! Write down a letter and we’ll send it to him!”
“Okay…” Scootaloo said hesitantly, as the three girls picked up pencils and paper in their hooves. “Dear Santa Claus…” Scootaloo wrote. “This year, I want… a Rainbow Dash action figure! Yeah! And a Rainbow Dash wig, and a Rainbow Dash foam hoof, and a Rainbow Dash tee-shirt, and-“
“Scoots, you already have all those things.” Applebloom said, looking up from her own list.
“You can never have too much awesomeness, Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo said, sticking her tongue out at Apple Bloom.
“Mail Call!” came a cry from outside. A moment’s pause, then the door slammed open as Derpy the mailmare came crashing in. “My bad…” she said miserably, before looking at the four. “What are you guys doing?”
“We’re writing letters to a fat guy who delivers us presents!” Sweetie Belle said happily.
“Like a genie?” Derpy asked.
“Exactly like a genie!” Pinkie replied, smiling. “You wanna write one too?”
“Do I?!” Derpy said excitedly.
“Do you?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head.
“Do I?!” Derpy repeated.
“Do you?”
“Do I?!”
“Do you?”
“Do I?!”
“Do you?”
“Do I?!”
“Do y-“
“Here!” Scootaloo insisted, thrusting pencil and paper to Derpy. “Just… just take them…”
“Take them for what?” Derpy asked.
Scootaloo slammed her head on the table.
“Hey Pinkie, I finished my list!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Great! Now we deliver it to Santa Claus!” Pinkie said, smiling. “Follow me!”
Pinkie led Sweetie Belle outside. Pinkie then pulled her party cannon out of where she stores it, and stated to Sweetie Belle, “Okay, give me the list!”
Sweetie Belle handed Pinkie the list, and Pinkie promptly tied the list to a confetti-covered cannonball. Placing the cannonball into her Party Cannon, Pinkie pulled out a piece of paper. “Let’s see… thirty degrees… angle up… divide the two… a smidgemeter that way…” She mumbled, moving her Party Cannon into a very specific direction. Then, she slammed her hoof down on the button, causing the cannon to fire the cannonball high into the air until it was out of sight.
“Where’d it go?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Santa Claus, silly!” Pinkie said. “I calculated it to land right at Santa’s doorstop!”
“Hey Pinkie, my list’s done!” Scootaloo said, coming out and waving her list.
“Hand it over!” Pinkie said, reaching into a huge pile of confetti-cannonballs (which had appeared from nowhere) and taping Scootaloo’s list to it. “Plenty of ammo for everypony!”
“Hey Pinkie!” Came a call, and Pinkie turned to see a group of ponies, each holding letters of their own. “A couple more people wanted presents!” said Derpy, leading the pack and grinning widely.
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One hour later…
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“And that’s the last of them!” Pinkie said, taping one last letter to a confetti-cannonball and launching it from the party cannon. “All right! Now we need Christmas trees!”
“Christmas trees?” asked a pony in the still-gathered crowd. Apparently, all the Ponyvillians had nothing to do today.
“Yeah! According to Anon, the proper way to celebrate this holiday is with deforestation!” Pinkie said happily. “Everyone! To the Everfree Forest!”
As the crowd marched towards the forest, one pony approached Pinkie. “Pinkie? A word, please?”
“Oh hiya Rarity!” Pinkie said, waving as her friend trotted up. “Are you bringing your list?”
“Actually, Pinkie,” Rarity stated with a frown, “I was wondering why in the name of Discord’s single fang have cannonballs been crashing into my house and through my windows for the past hour?!”
“Darn, I must have forgot to carry the two… anyways, they’re letters to Santa, silly! The guy Anon told me about who delivers presents on Christmas!”
“Wait, Derpy was being serious about that?! Pinkie, my entire boutique looks like a cross between a war zone and a mosh pit, and you say it’s because you’re celebrating some obscure human holiday about an obese man who does not exist?!” cried the irate Rarity.
Pinkie gasped. “Rarity! How could you say that?! Santa exists! Anon told me so!”
“Pinkie, I’m going to say this once. Santa Claus. Does. Not. Exist. There’s no such thing! He’s a myth, a legend! Anon was lying to you!”
“Silly Rarity!” Pinkie giggled, trotting over and putting a hoof around her furious friend. “You just wait – Santa will be bringing us all presents tonight, and you’ll see just how wrong you were!”
And with that, Pinkie launched into song.
“You better watch out,
You better not cry!
You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why!
Santa Claus is coming… to town!”
Rarity rolled her eyes and shook her head as she trotted off, leaving Pinkie to her musical number.
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“Well, it took several hours and two musicals, but it was worth it!” Pinkie said, wiping her brow as she looked up at the giant pine tree in the town square.
“How did Derpy find a giant pine tree?” Fluttershy asked.
“She got it from the Everfree forest, of course!” Pinkie answered.
“Pinkie, I hate to burst your bubble,” Twilight said, holding up a book, “But there are no pine trees in the Everfree. The everfree is a Deciduous forest – pine trees like this one only grow in the northern regions, in Coniferous forests.”
“I found it on accident, I swear!” Derpy said, flying backwards overhead. “I just don’t know what went wrong…”
“Twilight!” Pinkie cried. “Put some lights on the tree pretty please?”
Twilight rolled her eyes. With a light of her horn, a series of purple lights decorated the tree, resulting in a dazzling spectacle. More unicorns in the crowd added their own colored magic, resulting in a tree that was a spectrum of colors.
Rainbow Dash finished it all off as she flew up and placed a golden star on top of the tree. “What now, Pinks?” she yelled down.
“Now we wait!” Pinkie called back. She looked at the setting sun and grinned. “Everyone! It’s nighttime! Let’s stay up and wait for Santa!”
Excited, the ponies all crowded around the tree. “Sing it with me!” Pinkie cried, and the town burst into a repetitive song:
“Santa’s coming tonight, tonight! Santa’s coming toniiiight! Santa’s coming tonight, tonight! Santa’s coming toniiiiight!”
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Ten Hours Later…
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“Santa’s coming… tonight… tonight… Santa’s coming toniiiight…” Sang the weary, sleep-deprived crowd. At this point, even Pinkie was beginning to look tired, yet still the town sang.
That is, until somepony yelled the obvious question.
“Hey! Where’s Santa?!”
With that, the song faltered, then stopped, as the crowd began an angry murmuring. “Hey Pinkie! You promised us Santa!” someone yelled.
“Um… don’t worry! He’s coming!” Pinkie yelled as the grumbling crowd began to siperse. “Hey, wait! Don’t go!” She turned to her best friends. “Girls?”
“Um, sorry Pinkie, but… I’m exhausted.” Fluttershy whispered, before scampering off.
“I told you that obese humans were incapable of flight, Pinkie.” Twilight said as she trotted back to her castle.
“Um… apples!” Applejack said as she galloped away.
Pinkie turned to her only remaining friend. “Rainbow Dash? C’mon, you’re loyalty!”
“Sorry, Pinkie.” Rainbow said, frowning. “I’m not loyal to liars.”
As Rainbow Dash flew away, Pinkie’s mane began to lose its curls, as she sat miserably under the tree.
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Rarity was in a very bad mood.
She’d been awake the entire night, thanks to the deafening singing which echoed across the town. Not only that, but she’d spent the entire night patching up holes in her windows and walls. Fortunately, only a few of her possessions had been damaged, but it was still a pain to board up all the windows to stop the drafts.
She didn’t want to go into town, but she needed a few more wooden boards to finish her makeshift little project. She was bracing herself for more joyous yelling about how great Santa was, so she was a little surprised when she didn’t hear any celebrations.
Instead, when she reached the town square, all she saw was a large pine tree, and Pinkie, sitting under the boughs of the tree and looking miserable.
Now, Rarity wasn’t normally one for gloating, but at this point, with all she’d been through, and with how unbelievably tired she was, she figured that she’d earned a little bit of bragging.
“Well well well, if it isn’t Pinkie.” Rarity said as she walked up to Pinkie Pie. “Don’t tell me – Santa didn’t come.”
Pinkie nodded her head sadly.
“Well, Pinkie, I’m not one to say I told you so, but… I told you so.” She said, sticking her nose in the air. And with that, she trotted off.
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Re-entering her house, Rarity shook her head. “Stupid Pinkie Pie…” she mumbled.
Then Rarity paused. “Pinkie Pie…” she whispered. “Oh, Pinkie Pie! What have I done?!” she cried, realizing how terrible she had been to her old friend. “Oh, I’m the worst friend ever! Nothing, nothing Pinkie has ever done deserves me treating her like that! I should have forgiven her! Oh, I’m such a terrible pony!”
Rarity stood up tall. “But I will make it up to her. I must, I must, I must! But how…” Rarity paused, thinking. Then she looked at the dresses in the room around her, and smiled widely. “Iiii-deee-aaa!” she cried, rushing upstairs to her dressmaking room.
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An hour later, Pinkie Pie slowly trotted up the path to the Carousel Boutique.
“Rarity?” said Pinkie Pie, knocking on the door of the Boutique. “I just wanted to come by and say I was sorry for troubling you earlier with my talk of Santa. I guess it really was nonsense…”
“Ho ho ho!”
Pinkie’s sugar-filled heart stopped. She backed away from the door, and looked up to the roof of the boutique.
“S-Santa?!”
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“Ho ho ho!” cried Rarity as she stood on the roof of her boutique. She wore a rather hastily crafted santa costume, complete with a fluffy white beard. She waved down at Pinkie, smiling widely. “Merry Christma-GAH!”
Rarity’s hooves slipped, and she plummeted off of the roof and into the soft snow below. Poking her head out, she looked at Pinkie. “I meant to do that.” She said quietly.
“Wow-WEE!” Pinkie said, a smile lighting up her face. “Oh Santa, I knew you were real, I just KNEW you were!” she cried, hugging Rarity.
“Yes, Pinkie, it’s me. Santa Claus.” Rarity said, rolling her eyes.
“but wait!” Rarity flinched as Pinkie pulled back. “If you’re really Santa… where’s your big round belly?” She poked Rarity’s belly with her hoof. “I mean, you’re so trim!”
“Really? Oh, I’m flattered! It’s a combination of proper diet and exercise, you see…” Rarity said, before Pinkie continued.
“And hey! Aren’t you supposed to be human?” Pinkie questioned.
Rarity winced; perhaps she hadn’t thought this through as much as she’d wanted to. “Um… I’m a human on the human planet and a pony on the pony planet?” She said.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow as Rarity sweated nervously. Then Pinkie grinned. “That makes sense!” she said, as Rarity quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
Pinkie threw her foreleg around Rarity’s shoulder. “You know, it’s funny, Santa – you look just like my friend Rarity!” Pinkie looked around. “Where is that silly filly anyways.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’s around here somewhere…” Rarity said, eyes shifting.
“So, Santa, where’s my present?” Pinkie asked, standing back and smiling at Rarity.
“…come again?” Rarity asked.
“My present!” Pinkie said happily. “I sent another batch of letters to you via the party cannon, and this time I’m SURE I landed them at the North Pole!”
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meanwhile…
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“Commander, this bombardment doesn’t show any signs of letting up!” the general stated.
“Hold the line!” Shining armor said. “The crystal empire will not fall to a confetti bombing, no matter how devastating it may be!”
“INCOMING!” cried a pony, and Shining ducked as a cannonball hurtled through the air where his head had been.
“I’ll get the armistice papers ready.” Said the general, rolling his eyes. “I know we’ll need them in an hour or two.”
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Back at the Boutique…
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“So? Where’s my gift?” Pinkie asked.
“Um… I left it in my gift sack! Hang on, I’ll get it!” Rarity said, before rushing inside her house. Internally panicking, she muttered to herself, “Think, Rarity, think! Oh, why did you have to throw that debris in the trash?!”
Looking around, Rarity tried to see a decent present for Pinkie Pie. Finally, she rushed to the fridge. “Sorry about this, Sweetie Belle, but poor Pinkie needs this more than your bake sale does.” She mumbled, levitating out a large chocolate cake.
Rushing back outside, she held out the cake to Pinkie. “Here you are, Pinkie. I know it’s not what you asked for, but-“
“Not what I asked for? Santa, this is EXACTLY what I asked for!” Pinkie said, snatching up the cake. “A triple-layer fudge-topped whipped-cream-filled sprinkle-tastic double chocolate cake! How did you know?!”
Rarity’s eyebrows raised at the sheer coincidence of it all. “Um… I’m Santa! Of course I know what you wish for!” she said, grinning as her acting lessons kicked back in.
“What’s going on over here?“ Rainbow Dash asked, swooping down from a cloud. Then she gasped. “Oh… my… gosh…”
“You see, Dashie! I told you Santa was real! I told you!” Pinkie said, grinning so widely it looked like her head would split in half.
“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!” Rainbow Dash said, her wings flapping with excitement. “Santa! It’s really Santa! Pinkie, I’m so sorry I doubted you!”
Rainbow Dash promptly rushed up to Rarity. “Santa! Please please PLEASE tell me you have my gift!”
“Erm… yes!” Rarity said, looking around. “Yes, I… hang on!” she rushed back inside, panicking. Rainbow Dash obviously wanted something wonderbolt-related, but she didn’t have anything wonderbolt-related!
Rushing around, Rarity thought desperately for what Rainbow Dash might want. Finally, she just gave up. “Sorry, Dash.” She said, grabbing a spatula from the kitchen.
“Here you go!” Rarity said as she rushed back outside and gave the spatula to Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow looked at the spatula, then to Rarity. “seriously?” she questioned.
“Um… I…” Rarity said, sweating despite the snow.
“You seriously knew exactly what I wanted?!”
“Hang on I – wait, what?” Rarity asked, as Rainbow grabbed the spatula out of the air and hugged it.
“I’ve been needing a new spatula to flip my pancakes with! Oh, Santa, thank you so much!” she said, grinning, before flying off to her house.
Rarity stared after her, before shrugging. “That works, I suppose. Now to get this costume off before-“
“Oh Santa!” Rarity turned, and her heart nearly stopped. Pinkie stood, grinning, in front of a crowd composed of the entire town’s population. “I told everyone about you being here!” Pinkie said rather redundantly.
“Oh Celestia.” Rarity mumbled, as the crowd swarmed up to her.
“Santa! Where’s my gift?”
“Where are you late?”
“Do you have any candy?”
“Everyone hang on!” Rarity said, waving her hooves. “I’m going to give you all your presents, just give me some time here!”
With that, the rushing began – rushing in to get something, rushing out to give it away. Rushing in to get another thing, rushing out to give it away. Somehow, though, no matter what Rarity grabbed, someone always wanted it.
“Here you are, little girl! Have some, um… potato salad!” Rarity said, giving a small filly a heaping bowl of potato salad.
“My favorite food! Thanks, Santa!” said the filly, smiling as she rushed off.
“Here you are, Berry – a bottle of wine!” Rarity said, levitating her good bottle of Chauvernet to a purple earth mare.
“guuh, I luv ya, mare…” Berry said, before drunkenly stumbling off.
“A… um… mixing bowl set, for the nice… stallion.” Rarity said, holding out a set of bowls to a stallion.
“Oh, wow! Me and my wife have been needing these!” the stallion said. “Thanks, Santa!”
And the cycle went on, and on, and on. Eventually, Rarity ran out of items, and was forced to start giving out some of the more… valuable objects.
“Here… huff… you are… puff… Octavia…” Rarity gasped as she shoved her couch out of her door.
“Oh, my!” Octavia cried. “A Victorian-era couch complete with faux leather stitching! Oh, thank you so very much!”
“Not a problem, not a problem.” Rarity said. Tiredly, she looked out to the crowd, which had shrunken considerably over the hours she’d been handing out gifts. She walked back inside for another article of furniture.
Only to find her house bare.
Everything had been taken – the couches, the chairs, the tables… everything Rarity could lift had been taken out the door. She had even given away her precious drama couch.
“Oh, no!” Rarity cried. “There must be something – anything!” she rushed around the house, looking for more things to give.
Finally, she entered her inspiration room. Here, at last, were the only items she had not given away. But…
“My dresses…” Rarity whimpered. “Oh, the clients will be furious…. I may never get a dress request from Canterlot again!”
Rarity paused, looking at the dresses. Then she glanced at the wall behind them, and saw a picture.
The picture showed Rarity and her best friends, just after the initial defeat of Discord. They stood proudly on that altar in Canterlot, their elements gleaming on their chests.
“No! No, I will give these dresses away! I must!” Rarity said, walking over and taking a dress off an equenniquin. “I’m the element of generosity, but that title means nothing if I do not earn it! I WILL be generous until the end, and to Tartarus with the clients!”
With that, the giving began anew. Rarity gave dresses to all the remaining ponies in the crowd… Twilight, Mayor Mare, Fluttershy…
“Big Mac?” Rarity asked, looking up at the massive stallion. She looked over to the dress she held in her magic. “Um… I could get you something else…” she said nervously.
Mac stared at her for a moment. “Nope.” He said finally, gripping the dress in his teeth and cantering off.
Rarity stared after him for a moment, before shrugging and rushing back to her dresses.
Rarity’s stockpile of dresses, both those owned by her and the ones which she had made, dwindled rapidly, although so did the crowd. At long last, Rarity only had one pony left to give a gift to. Unfortunately, she only had one more dress to give.
Rarity looked at the dress, which was one of her most beloved. Then she sighed, and picked it up, carrying it outside.
“Here you are, little one.” She said, giving the dress gently to little Dinky Hooves, the last pony who needed a gift.
“Wow! Just what I wanted!” Rarity nodded tiredly, and was about to turn away when Dinky continued. “Santa?”
“Yes?” Rarity asked. Then she felt hooves around her neck.
“Thank you.” Dinky said, hugging Rarity tightly. “I love this so much.”
Rarity paused, before wrapping a hoof around the filly, smiling and feeling that maybe, just maybe, it had all been worth it. “You’re welcome.” Rarity said quietly.
Then the filly pulled away, grinning. “I can’t wait to show this to all my friends!” she cried, scampering off.
Rarity sighed, having at long last finished her task. “Okay. If I work nonstop for the next three days, I might be able to make another couple of dresses…” she muttered as she trotted inside, taking off her santa garb and hanging it on a coat hanger. “I don’t need sleep anyways, that’s what coffee is for…” She muttered to herself as she passed a display of rotating dresses.
“Oh, what’s the use!” Rarity said, collapsing onto her drama couch. “I’ll never be able to complete all the orders in time!”
Then Rarity paused, as it registered what she was lying on. “What in Equestria?” she questioned, prodding the plush fabric of the couch. Then she looked around, and gasped.
Everything was back.
The couches, the tables, the silverware, the food… everything was back!
Excited, Rarity rushed upstairs to her dressing room. Sure enough, all of her painstakingly made dresses were back in their proper places, without so much as a stitch out of line.
“This is incredible!” Rarity cried. “But… but how?!”
Then she saw something on her sketching desk in the corner of the room. Rushing over, she beheld a small wrapped box, with a note taped to the top of it. She read the note, and her breath caught in her throat as her eyes scrolled down the paper.
Dear Mrs. Rarity Belle,
Thank you very much for your great help and generosity in delivering presents to the population of Ponyville.
I apologize for not arriving last evening, but I don’t normally visit this plane of reality, you see. I normally stick to another plane, delivering presents to the ones there – I believe your friend Anonymous used to be one of them – but I believe I could make an exception to thank you for your generosity.
Here is a little something extra as well, to extend my sincere thanks for your noble sacrifice.
Merry Christmas!
Santa Claus
P.S. look out your window.
Rarity turned and rushed over to her window, and saw a shape in the sky. A sleigh, complete with eight reindeer, and a fat, jolly figure sitting in the sleigh.
“Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!” cried the sleigh-rider, waving as he flew across the sky.
Astonished, Rarity walked back to her desk and picked up the box. She opened it, and her heart nearly stopped. Inside was the most beautifully crafted, most flawless necklace she had ever seen, with a diamond that sparkled like the moon.
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A high-pitched squealing of glee and excitement echoed all around Rarity’s house, causing Anon to wince. “Sheesh, Squiggletail, turn it down a little.” Anon mumbled, sticking his finger in his ear as he continued walking down the path passing the boutique.
“Anon! Anon!” Pinkie cried, rushing up to Anon. “Santa came! He came! He came!”
Anon laughed, ruffling Pinkie’s hair. “Seriously? Pinkie, I wasn’t being serious about any of that. Santa’s not real; he doesn’t exist!”
“Oh yeah? Then who’s that?” Pinkie asked, pointing into the sky. Anon turned to see a fat figure in a sleigh, riding off into the sunset and chuckling merrily.
“….Whelp. I’m insane.” Anon stated, before collapsing backwards into the snow.
Author's Note
Merry Christmas, bronies!
