He didn’t know why it was, but the higher ups said that this was probably going to be the most important thing he had ever done for them. So important in fact that they had spent untold amounts of money and resources to develop the facility that he was now standing in. Jacob had been an employee for the company for years and apparently he was the only one capable of performing this job.
How exactly this translated to him being stuck into a high tech environmental protection suit about to enter a large chamber was beyond him. As it stands he entered the chamber, easily about two stories tall, and walked to the center of the room. He had just got there when the speakers in the room screeched to life.
“Testing, 1 2 3. Alright, we’re ready to begin experiment 56-B. Are you ready, Mr. Richards?” the speakers asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he answered through the built in radio system.
“Very well. We need to first turn on the center energy column, so if you’ll please Mr. Richards climb up to the console on the second floor to start up the process.”
“Ok,” Jacob said and started toward the ladder. He couldn’t help but be reminded of the opening of Half-Life and let the irony sweep over him for a second before shrugging it off and getting on with his job.
“Alright Mr. Richards, if you’ll please start the process,” the speakers said. Jacob shrugged and set about performing the instructions. Once the console made an affirmative beeping noise he waited for the speakers to speak again. “Excellent, power is steadily rising and… holding at 103%. Please wait for further instructions, Mr. Richards.”
“If I may ask, how exactly did a soda company get the money to make something like this?” Jacob asked and leaned against the railing.
“That’s none of your concern Mr. Richards. Now the test subject is coming up shortly, so please get into position.” Jacob rolled his eyes and did as he was told. As he climbed down the ladder, he couldn’t help but wonder what test subject they were talking about. He reached the bottom just as a door opened on the floor and an elevator came up.
On it was a cart with…
“Is that a bottle of Coca-Cola?” Jacob asked confusedly and pointed at the bottle of soda on the cart.
“Yes, it is.”
“…Why are we testing a bottle of coke?” Jacob took a step toward the bottle.
“Don’t touch it!” the speakers screamed and Jacob took a step back from the cart, “That bottle of soda has been preserved in liquid nitrogen for six months specifically for this experiment.”
“Alright, I won’t touch it. So… what do you want me to do with the…?”
“We need you to push the subject into the center of the room and stand as far away as possible.”
“But really, why are we testing a-“
“Just do it Mr. Richards.” Jacob stared at the ceiling before cautiously walking to the cart and pushed it to the center of the room, being careful not to tip the bottle. Once that was done, the machinery in the room started churning as Jacob backed up to the wall. “Ok, the modulators are at full capacity, we are now ready to begin the experiment. Charging up…”
The largest piece of machinery opened up to reveal some kind of large needle.
“Holding at 100%.”
Sparks of electricity flew from the center as the needle started glowing brightly.
“Initiating in 3…”
“Should I be in here?” Jacob asked worriedly.
“2…”
“I’m serious, I’m really freaking out right now!”
“It won’t affect you at all. Activating NOW!” At that moment a bolt of electricity shot from the ceiling onto the bottle, creating a light so bright Jacob had to shield his eyes in addition to the visor polarizing automatically. Once the noise faded away and the light dimmed enough so he could see he uncovered his eyes. “Mr. Richards, can you please inspect the subject?” Jacob slowly walked toward the cart and when he saw what was now on it, he felt a slow rage boiling up inside him.
“Is it alright to take the helmet off?” he asked in as calm a voice as possible.
“Yes it is,” the speakers answered, so Jacob did the rational thing and took his helmet off and tossed it as far away as he could.
“What the hell is this garbage?!” he yelled and pointed at the object on the cart.
“It’s part of a new marketing decision.” Jacob stared at the ceiling in disbelief before looking at the cart. What once was a simple bottle of coke was now glass figure filled with coke in the shape of a small horse.
“This is without a doubt the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. What the hell kind of marketing decision is turning a bottle of coke into a small horse figure?! How many millions of dollars did the company waste on this giant facility, all this high tech gadgetry, not to mention this hazard suit, just to turn a bottle into a small horse?! What kind of fu… seriously?”
“You don’t follow the news, do you Mr. Richards?”
“No I don’t. Why does the news provide a good enough reason to waste money on-“ Jacob stopped when the glass figure yawned and cuddled into a smaller ball. Jacob stared at the pony in shock for a moment. “…The tiny horse just yawned…”
“Alright, we’ll mark this experiment as a success. Please bring the subject back into the lab, and don’t forget your helmet.” Jacob stared for a moment longer before walking over to pick up his helmet. He sighed as he set the helmet down on the cart, turned it around, and pushed it onto the elevator. The soda inside the pony swished around as the elevator descended.
“They better have a good reason for this,” Jacob whispered.
As it turned out, they did have a decent reason. About a month ago, the scientific community managed to breach the barrier between dimensions into a land ruled by pastel colored horses. Equestria, as the land was called, was found to be incredibly similar to the setting of a very popular children’s cartoon. It in fact was the setting of the cartoon. The massive fandom of the show showed the appropriate amount of maturity given the situation, freaking out en masse, flooding the internet with joy, and causing a mass exodus into the new land.
“And the Coke pony comes into this…how?” Jacob asked setting down the newspaper.
“This is something that no one has ever expected to happen: a whole new dimension full of sentient beings, which means brand new marketing opportunities. It’s a whole new market for Coca-Cola.”
“So…why did you decided to create a Coke pony instead of sending a marketing team?” Jacob didn’t bother to hide his annoyance from the executive. In the background a vet was inspecting the ‘coke pony’ and was rather astounded by the findings.
“We did that… because it was cool.” Jacob stared at him in stunned disbelief.
“…You realize this make Coke orange seem perfectly reasonable, right?”
“Hey, that’s starting to spread out.”
“This is amazing!” the bet said, drawing the attention of the two men, “her skin is as translucent as glass, but feels like a horse’s coat and moves like real flesh! I can’t wait until she wakes up.”
“What about all the coke inside her?” Jacob asked. In response the doctor walked over to the counter and pulled out a plastic cup, carefully lifted up the pony’s head, and scooped out some of the soda. He smelled it a couple of times before taking a sip.
“It’s regular coke,” he said and handed the cup to the exec, who handed it to Jacob after taking a sip. Jacob stared at the cup before setting it aside, deciding to take their word for it.
“So, when will Rebecca wake up?” the exec asked.
“Rebecca? Why would you… never mind, I don’t want to know,” Jacob said.
“She’ll wake up when she wakes up,” the vet said. Rebecca stirred, surprising the three in the room, and opened her orange eyes. She scanned the room briefly before the executive kneeled down in front of her with a gentle smile.
“Hi there Rebecca, how are you feeling?” he asked. Rebecca blinked at the sight and shakily tried to sit up.
“Hey hey, careful,” the vet said and helped her sit up. Jacob was a little unsettled at the soda swishing around inside Rebecca and wondered the obvious question of how she was even alive.
“So Rebecca, how do you feel right now?”
“She’s a tiny horse. Granted she’s based off an actual species of talking tiny horse, but even then she probably needs to learn it,” Jacob pointed out.
“You’re probably right, but right now I’m concerned about her… possible fragility. We’re going to have to keep her under close observation.” Rebecca’s ears shot up at that and a slight look of fear crossed her face. She managed to scurry off the table she was on down to the floor and darted underneath the chair Jacob was sitting on.
“Hey, don’t be scared,” Jacob said and looked underneath the chair. Rebecca was trembling a little and cautiously backed away from Jacob. “He’s just saying we want to make sure you’ll be alright.” Jacob carefully stuck his hand out to Rebecca and, after a moment of staring, she carefully edged out from under the chair and stood up. “There you go, you’ll be fine,” he said and slowly placed his hand on her head and started rubbing her red mane. She smiled softly, closed her eyes, and pushed up against his hand.
“Well she seems to have taken a shine to you,” the executive said.
“Well, if she woke up enough to see him when he was bringing her here, she may have seen him as some kind of parental figure,” the vet said.
“…Say, what’s your living situation like Mr. Richards?” the exec asked.
“I’m living alone right now and I don’t really have any pets or anything. Why?” Jacob looked up at the exec who had this small knowing grin. “…What?”
Jacob woke up the same way he always did, got up and got dressed the same way, and walked out to breakfast the same way. Only this time, much like the last few weeks, he was met with his new housemate sitting at the table.
“Good morning Uncle Jacob!” Rebecca called and waved cheerily.
“Morning Rebecca, how are you feeling today?” Jacob asked tiredly
“I’m great! I guess you could say I’m feeling ‘bubbly’.” Jacob couldn’t help but snicker at the horrible pun.
“That’s terrible,” he said through laughs.
“But you’re laughing at it.”
“Yeah I know. Anyway, what do you want for breakfast?”
“Oatmeal and Coke!” Jacob chuckled at Rebecca’s enthusiastic answer.
“Again? Well alright.” Jacob set about making breakfast, watching Rebecca bounce in excitement out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t shake yourself too much, you remember what happened last time.” The memories of vomiting up foam stopped Rebecca’s bouncing almost instantly and thankfully found that her soda wasn’t foaming up. A few minutes passed until Jacob set a bowl of oatmeal and a bottle of coke in front of Rebecca before sitting down to eat his own breakfast.
“I can’t wait!” Rebecca whispered and used her teeth to open the bottle. Jacob didn’t know where she picked up this little habit of pouring a little Coke into her oatmeal before eating it. Not to mention that every food she ate just kind of fell into the soda inside her and dissolved after a while.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Jacob commented. Rebecca looked up and tilted her head in curiosity, “Oh, don’t worry about it.” She smiled and took a drink from the bottle just as Jacob’s cell phone started to ring.
“Hello?” he said when he answered it, “Oh, good morning sir. Yeah she’s awake, we’re just eating breakfast right now.” Jacob listened for a little while before standing up and idly walking around the room. “Really, I’m not sure if she’s ready for that yet.” That caught Rebecca’s attention so she turned to follow Jacob around the room. “Well yeah, she does have her… cutie mark is it? Well yeah, she does have it but… ok.” Rebecca looked at her flank to inspect her cutie mark, a bottle of Coca-Cola, and once again tilted her head curiously at Jacob.
“No, I get what you’re saying, I just- what? Oh… well, yeah that does make me feel better. Do I get a choice on that? Cool, I’ll let her know what’s going on. Alright, bye.” Jacob ended the call and sat down at the table.
“Who was that?” Rebecca asked.
“It was one of the higher ups. They were saying they had been watching how you were doing and they’ve decided that you’re ready to start promoting their product.” It took a second for that to sink in and when it did Rebecca gasped.
“Do you mean-?”
“Yep, you get to go to Equestria.” Jacob braced himself for Rebecca’s reaction, rightfully so since she let out a joyful screech and started happily trotting around the table. “But…” Jacob’s voiced stopped Rebecca in her tracks, “I have to go with you.”
“Really, why?”
“They want to make sure that you won’t get too distracted in Equestria and won’t focus on your job. It’s nothing against you.”
“But Coca-Cola is my life! My special talent, the very essence of my being!” she said shaking her body on the last one.
“I know but… ok, do you remember how enthralled you were at everything here when you first came here?” Jacob asked and Rebecca nodded, “Yeah, they’re afraid that you’ll do something like that, but to such an extent that you’ll forget all about your reason to be there. They’re just being cautious is all, so don’t worry about it.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Rebecca said and finished her bottle, “so how will we get there?”
“Through this, apparently.”
Jacob and Rebecca were standing in front of the designated building for the Equestria portal for their city. Several humans and ponies were milling about around and inside the building. Jacob readjusted his bag and walked into the building with Rebecca following behind. The inside of the building was chaotic, with all manner of human and pony running to and fro and calling out to whomever.
“Stay close Rebecca,” Jacob said and motioned to Rebecca, who moved closer to him. Jacob looked around and spotted a registration desk and walked over there with Rebecca. Jacob was a little surprised to find both a human and pony working the desk, the former a lightly tanned woman and the latter a dull yellow filly. Not sure who to walk up to, Jacob walked to the woman and cleared his throat. “Excuse me.”
“Oh hello, how may I help you?” she asked.
“Is this where I check in for the trip to Equestria?”
“Yes it is, do you have a reservation?”
“Yes, I think it might be under the company I work for. If not it should be under ‘Richardson’.”
“Alright, give me a second to look.” The woman turned her attention to the computer in front of her and started typing, “Where do you work?”
“Uh, the Coca-Cola company.”
“Really? Do you mind if I ask about your business in Equestria?”
“Just market testing.” Rebecca peeked over the counter and looked back and forth between Jacob and the woman.
“Ah here you are. Um, Jacob Richardson and Rebecca Coke?”
“Yeah that’s us.” The woman looked up and noticed Rebecca for the first time.
“I didn’t know Coca-Cola hired ponies now,” she commented. The filly next to her looked over in curiosity.
“She’s a new employee, she still has a lot to learn.”
“I was made from a bottle of Coke!” Rebecca said cheerfully and lifted a hoof into view, “See, I’m filled with deliciousness!” The woman blinked a couple of times and looked at Jacob.
“Don’t ask, I’m still trying to figure that out and I was there,” Jacob said. The woman shrugged and typed something into the computer.
“Ok, do you two have any identification?” she asked. Jacob reached for his wallet and started digging through it.
“Do cutie marks count?” Rebecca asked.
“Yes actually, just let me see it and I’ll scan it.” Rebecca smiled and showed her cutie mark. The woman took out a small scanner and scanned it just as Jacob set his driver’s license on the counter. She scanned that too before setting the scanner down and typing a few keys. “Ok, I have the both of you. Well, I hope you two enjoy your stay in Equestria. Mr. Richards, were you planning to be converted for your trip?”
“Does that mean getting turned into a pony?” Jacob asked and the woman nodded, “I heard it would make the trip easier, but it really depends on the specifics.”
“Well the conversion station is just up those stairs,” the filly said and pointed at some stairs, “so you can ask them when you get there. It’s hard to miss the station, so don’t worry.”
“Ok thanks,” Jacob said, finding it a little weird to talk to a pony other than Rebecca, “Anything else?”
“Actually, do you have a smart phone?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said and pulled out his cell phone, “why?”
“Well in that case you can download the interdimensional communication app so you can take calls while in Equestria.”
“Really?” Jacob asked and started searching through his phone, “There’s an app for that?”
“Yeah, I saw a commercial for it,” Rebecca said.
Rebecca was lying on the couch with a two liter bottle of Coke lying next to her as she watched television. After a pony friendly commercial for some fast food chain, it switched to a very fancy phone commercial.
“Have a pony friend and want to make the perfect dinner for them? There’s an app for that,” the voiceover said as a middle aged human male set a very delicious looking salad in front of a unicorn stallion.
“Hm,” Rebecca hummed.
“Want to plan the perfect vacation in the world or another dimension? There’s an app for that. Want to take that perfect vacation but worried about missing an important call? There’s an app for that. In fact, there’s an app for… everything.”
“I don’t really get it,” Rebecca said and started chugging the bottle happily.
“Huh, commercials are getting really specific lately,” Jacob said and opened the marketplace on his phone, “Thanks for your help, bye.” Jacob walked away with a wave, Rebecca following closely behind, and the woman waved as well. Jacob found the app and started downloading it.
“I think that’s what you’re looking for,” Rebecca said and pointed toward a section that had a rather lengthy line.
“Alright, I’ll go get in line. Do you want to go wait somewhere while I get that done?”
“I want to get a drink.”
“Alright,” Jacob pulled out his wallet and handed Rebecca a couple of dollars, “that should be enough for something. Once you get one, just wait around here somewhere.”
“Yes sir!” Rebecca said and grabbed the money with her mouth and walked away. Jacob readjusted the bag and went to the end of the line.
It took a couple of minutes for Rebecca to find a vending machine and when she did she happily trotted toward it. She was glad to see that Coke was among the vendibles and, with some difficulty, inserted the money and pressed the appropriate button. As the machine dispensed the bottle of soda Rebecca noticed that some of the ponies and humans were staring at her and she flinched a little at the attention. It’s like they had never seen a pony filled with soda before! The machine made a ‘clunk’ as a bottle of Coke fell into the dispenser slot. Rebecca gladly took the bottle in her mouth and turned around.
Right into another pony, causing him to stumble.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking at where I was going,” she said dropping the bottle and looked in horror as it hit the ground. “Oh, now it’s going to get all fizzy.”
“I’m sorry, it’s my bad,” the colt said hurriedly, “I gotta go, sorry about your soda.” Rebecca looked up at the colt but only saw a wisp of a red white and blue mane. Rebecca blinked at the sight before picking up her soda and moving to a bench outside of the conversion station. She stared sadly at the bottle, knowing it would be a couple of minutes before she could open it safely.
“Next.”
Jacob sighed, it was only a couple more people before he finally could get this over with. He pulled out his phone and checked it, if only to pass the time. After a quick message and email check, it was his turn.
“ID?” the man at the desk asked. Jacob handed him his card, which was handed back after a few quick key strokes. “Is this your first time being converted?”
“Yes, it is,” Jacob answered. The man started digging around behind the desk and held up a pamphlet.
“This will explain the basics of what will happen, so give it a once over as you go through. Next.” He handed the pamphlet to Jacob, who quickly moved passed him and into the structure. The inside was different than what he had imagined, with at least a dozen or so large machines each with either a human or pony attendant. Jacob walked into one of the lines and started skimming through the pamphlet. The line slowly moved forward until it was Jacob’s turn.
“Hello sir, before we start can I see some ID?” the unicorn stallion asked.
“Again?”
“We’re just being careful sir.” Jacob took out his license again only to be surprised that it was yanked out of his hands with a faint glow surrounding it. The unicorn scanned it and levitated it back to Jacob.
“Alright, that was pretty cool,” Jacob said and pocketed the license.
“Yeah, that’s just one of the many perks to being a unicorn. Never would have thought this would happen to me a few months ago.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I’m actually human. Goes to show how well this process works.”
“…Well this is a great start.”
“Right, so can I please have your bag, wallet, cell phone, anything you can carry on you so I can transfer it to a more proper bag.” Jacob shrugged and did as told. As the unicorn sorted through the items by hoof, he levitated a sheet in front of Jacob.
“Before we move on, we’d like you to choose the race you would like to be,” the unicorn explained.
“What are the differences?” Jacob asked.
“Well, Earth Ponies are stronger than the other races, unicorns can use magic, and pegasus can fly and they can also move clouds and the like, though you won’t be able to do that without training.”
“I always wondered what flying would be like, but is this change permanent?”
“Oh no, it’ll only be permanent if you want it to be. Otherwise you can just come back here and we’ll change you back.”
“That… makes very little sense, but whatever. I’ll take pegasus.” The unicorn nodded and took the sheet away.
“Just so you know, once you’re converted once, you can’t change your mind about it. It’s a little dangerous to do that.”
“That’s fine.”
“Alright, then please step into the machine please. Oh and no clothing can be worn while in the machine.”
“Ugh, are you serious?” Jacob asked and walked to the machine.
“They mess with the machine, so you’ll have to put them in the slot and we’ll keep them for you until you get back. That means everything too.”
“Fine,” Jacob said and closed the door. After about a minute the slot slid out and the unicorn sorted the clothing into a basket. With that done, he typed in a few commands into the computer.
“Ok Mr. Richardson, we’ll start the process at the count of three,” he said with just one last button to press. Which he proceeded to press at ‘one.’ The machine whirred to life and the unicorn chuckled quietly to himself. ‘I love doing that,” he thought. It took a couple more minutes for the machine to finish its business, which led to the doors opening so Jacob, now a brown pegasus, could fall out.
“You’re a jerk,” Jacob said and tentatively tried to stand on his hooves.
“I’m sorry about that, but it looks like it worked nonetheless.” The unicorn looked at Jacob’s forehead for a moment, “No horn either, that’s a good sign.”
“Why, is it bad if got a horn too?” Jacob asked and tested his wings with a couple of flaps.
“Yes,” the unicorn answered and planted a saddlebag on Jacob’s back, “All of your things are in that bag. Take the walking slow, be sure to take the necessary pamphlet for ‘life as a pegasus’ and I hope you enjoy your stay in Equestria.” Jacob thanked him and slowly walked out of the station, nearly tripping over his hooves along the way. He managed to get some kind of rhythm down by the time he located Rebecca trying to open a bottle of soda.
“You need some help with that Rebecca?” Jacob asked. Rebecca looked up at him and tilted her head in confusion.
“Um…”
“It’s Jacob.”
“Uncle Jacob?!” Rebecca took the time to look Jacob’s new body over a couple of times before cheerfully saying, “You lost weight! I told you that Diet Coke would help with that!”
“Ha ha, I don’t think that’s what happened. Come on, we should get going.”
“Ok, hold this for a sec,” Rebecca said and handed the Coke bottle to Jacob. He of course had no idea how to hold things with hooves, so he immediately dropped the bottle. Rebecca stared sadly at the bottle as it settled on the ground. “Aw, now I have to wait for it to de-fizz again.”
“Sorry Rebecca. You can stash it in my bag if you want.” Rebecca nodded, picked up the bottle, and placed it in one of the bags. Rebecca followed Jacob through the building until a bright glow drew her attention. She looked up to find some kind of large portal in front of her.
“Wow, is that what we’re going through?” Rebecca asked.
“I guess,” Jacob answered as looked around and spotted a table, “Hey I think those are those pamphlets I was told about. Let’s stop there before we go through.”
“Ok…why?”
“So I’ll actually be able to know how to control this body.”
“Oh… yeah it seems like it’ll be difficult to control those wings. Let’s go!” Rebecca then started off on a leisurely trot toward the table with Jacob following behind.
“I don’t get how you’re so cheerful all the time,” he commented when he got to the table and picked up a pamphlet with his mouth.
“I can’t help it, I feel so energized all the time,” Rebecca said. Jacob motioned back with his head and after a second Rebecca got what he was saying and opened one of the bags so Jacob could put the pamphlet away. “But I do have bad days where I just feel totally flat.” Jacob couldn’t help but give her a stare at that.
“That’s nice to know I guess. Come on, let’s see if we can figure out how to go through.”
Passing through the portal into Equestria was a strange experience, one that Jacob would compare to diving into a cold pool and resurfacing after a few seconds. They emerged in a building similar to the one they were just in, although there were significantly more ponies around. Jacob motioned in a direction and the two started walking away from the portal, down the stairs, and out of the building.
“Whoa,” was pretty much all Jacob could say. The outside looked like they had stepped through a time portal into early New York.
“So… where are we going?” Rebecca asked. Jacob motioned at a bench not that far away and the two moved to it. As they walked several ponies and the occasional human stopped to stare at Rebecca, who definitely felt anxious at the eyes burning into her. “I don’t like the way everyone is staring at me.”
“Just ignore them Rebecca, they’ve never seen a pony like you before,” Jacob said and dropped his bag onto the bench. He dug through one of the bags until he pulled out a piece of paper and laid it on the bench. “Ok, according to this we should be in a city called Manehattan. Other than that… not much.”
“What do you mean?” Rebecca asked.
“Well, the company saw fit to provide our marketing strategy via crayon.” To punctuate his point he held up the paper to Rebecca which showed a drawing of a bunch of buildings, her selling Coke to a pony, a bunch of question marks, and some dollar signs.
“Makes sense to me!” Rebecca said with a smile.
“Well of course it does,” Jacob said and tossed the paper aside where it burst into flame upon contact with the ground, “tell you what, I’ll follow your lead on this since I don’t know what’s going on.” Rebecca reacted with a loud gasp and a hug to Jacob.
“You’d let me do that? Oh thank you Uncle Jacob!”
“Ah don’t worry kid, let’s just get this over with.”
Rebecca’s plan, as it turned out, didn’t really consist of much more than setting up a table with some cups and a banner that said ‘try Coca-Cola’ and letting anypony curious to scoop some out of her to try it. This lasted only for a day or so until they actually got some bottles in.
Imagine Jacob’s surprise when he found out this was actually working.
“Wow, ponies really like us don’t they?” Rebecca asked with her usual cheer.
“I’ll say. I guess those marketing guys actually had something with that idi… plan of theirs,” Jacob said and looked at a sheet. “And according to this, we should be done with the preliminary market test in a few days.”
“How long have we been here?”
“Two or three days, and we already have at least a hundred signatures saying they liked the product.”
“Well of course they did! This is Coca-Cola we’re talking about.”
“Yeah I’m just a little surprised at the flavor’s they brought here: Coke with lime, Coke vanilla, even frickin’ New Coke! All of these flavors have been discontinued for years, why bring them back now?”
“You never know what will sell,” Rebecca pointed out and took a taste of New Coke.
“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Jacob was distracted when his cell phone started ringing. He stared intently at it, for he has faced this foe in battle several times before. Rebecca started reaching for it, the soda in her leg draining into her body, but Jacob held up a hoof. “No no, I can figure this out,” he said and tried to pick it up only to fail. He tried to do it three more times only to fail each time. This continued until a white unicorn walked up to the table.
“Dude, just imagine your hoof is a magnet attracted to whatever it is you want to pick up,” she said. Jacob looked up to her and then back down to the phone. He did what she said and managed to pick it up this time.
“…Well that’s just silly,” he said and answered the phone, “Hello? Oh hi, one second.” Jacob mouthed ‘I gotta take this’ at Rebecca and walked away.
“Pfft, humans. So what are you doing here?” she asked.
“Oh, we’re doing market tests for Coca-Cola! You wanna try some?”
The unicorn shrugged and said, “Sure, what do ya have?”
“Well, we have several different flavors which you can see here,” Rebecca motioned to all the various cups in front of her, “But if it’s your first time trying this I would recommend regular Coca-Cola.” She pointed at one of the cups which was levitated up to the unicorn.
“So what’s the deal with the see through coat and all the soda?” the unicorn asked.
“I was made from a bottle of Coke!” Rebecca said cheerfully. The unicorn lowered her purple glasses to look into Rebecca’s.
“Seriously?” she asked and Rebecca nodded in reply. The unicorn shook her head and mumbled, “Humans, always doing insane things.”
“We’re doing fine,” Rebecca hear Jacob say, “It seems like we’d sell well here. No she hasn’t cracked, and I don’t think she even can.” Rebecca turned her attention back to the unicorn who had just finished the cup.
“It’s alright, a little less sweet than that other soda I tried, but I’d still drink it.” Rebecca stiffened up at the unicorn’s words and felt her eye twitch a little.
“Other…soda?” she asked.
“Yeah there was some other soda table down the way doing the same thing you’re doing,” the unicorn said and pointed down the street, “so do I sign here if I liked it?”
“Yes,” Rebecca said. The unicorn shrugged and wrote on the paper next to Rebecca.
“There, you now have the PON-3 seal of approval. That ought to help a little,” the unicorn said with a smile.
“I’m going to take a break,” Rebecca said before standing up and walking down the street. The unicorn watched for a moment before shrugging and looking over at Jacob.
“That reminds me, we need a couple barrels of Coke here for Rebecca,” he said. He listened for a few seconds before sighing and saying, “No, the soda in her evaporates after a while and what doesn’t becomes stale and makes her irritable as all hell. What do you mean you don’t make them in barrels anymore?”
“Hey dude, your soda pony left the table,” the unicorn said to him causing him to look back at the empty table.
“What?! I’ll have to call you back,” Jacob said into the phone before shutting it off and started going after Rebecca, only to trip over his hooves again. He cursed at himself as he got up and started after her again. The unicorn smirked lightly and walked away shaking her head.
Rebecca wasn’t sure what to be looking, so she followed the crowd right to where she needed to be. True to the unicorn’s words there was another table doing the same thing she was doing. She could see the company’s logo. She could feel her soda churn at the sight of a red white and blue striped sphere.
‘I didn’t think they’d be here so soon. Ok, so if I want to see what they’re doing I have to be as stealthy as possible,’ Rebecca thought. She happened to looked down at her cola filled legs and realized that won’t work. She sighed and settled for just walking up to the table and seeing what’s going on. Once she approached the table to find there was only one pony there at the moment, but the sight of him caused her to stop in place.
“Thank you for trying Pepsi,” he said and waved at some ponies, “I hope to see you again.” Rebecca recognized the colt’s mane, red white and blue to match the Pepsi logo, but that wasn’t the most striking thing about him. That honor belonged to the fact that, like herself, his body was mostly see through and she could see he was filled with some kind of soda as well. Her staring at him didn’t go unnoticed for long and he looked over at her, his red eyes meeting her yellow ones. She must have been just as surprised as him at the idea of another pony like her, since they didn’t say anything to each other for a few moments.
“Um… hi,” he finally said.
“H-hi,” Rebecca returned.
“There you are!” Rebecca turned to Jacob who was panting a little, “Don’t run off like that, I thought you were- Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me.” Jacob looked over the new colt a couple of times just as a female unicorn came up to the table.
“I’m back, did you have any tro-“ she paused when she saw Rebecca. She looked her over for a moment and said, “Seriously, another cola pony?”
“Yeah, I take it you have a different flavor from mine?”
“Excuse me, I am not comparable to trading cards!” Rebecca said annoyed.
“Mhmm,” the unicorn said ignoring Rebecca, “Let me guess: in light of this new dimension, your bosses decided to send someone over here. And to do that, they decided to waste a ton of money to animate a soda bottle, Pepsi in my case.”
“Yup. Man this is such a coincidence.”
“You’re telling me,” the unicorn looked over to Rebecca and asked, “So what’s your name?”
“Um… R-Rebecca,” she answered.
“Hm, nice to meet you Rebecca, I’m Emma.” The Pepsi pony next to Emma coughed a little.
“I- I’m Caleb,” he said.
“Jacob, nice to meet you both. Anyway we have to get back to work, so bye for now.” Jacob gave a small nod and turned to walk away. “Come on Rebecca.”
“O-ok Uncle Jacob,” Rebecca said and followed Jacob. She spared a look back at Caleb finding herself intrigued by the pony. She shook the feeling away and looked forward to a day of promoting her favorite drink.
Well, let's see where this goes. All copyrights belong to their respective owners because I don't want to get sued over this humorous and nonsensical romance. All comments are appreciated.
Jacob sat on the bed in the hotel room he and Rebecca shared and looked over a bunch of papers. One had all the signatures they had collected while another had some very rough projections and even more had more details that Jacob didn’t really understand. There were some noises from the bathroom to his right and Rebecca walked out.
“Good morning,” she said with a yawn.
“Morning, did you sleep well?” Jacob asked.
“Mhmm, but most of the ice melted during the night.” Jacob could see small beads of condensation on Rebecca’s skin as he got up and looked into the bathroom. Rebecca, like any half decent bottle of soda, preferred to sleep in a nice cold place. Unfortunately they lacked a large enough refrigerator so they had to improvise with a bathtub and a whole bunch of ice.
“Well don’t worry about it, we’ll get some more ice later,” Jacob said and drained the tub of the cold water. “I’m going to take a quick shower. There’s some coke in the fridge if you want one.”
“Ok,” Rebecca replied just as the door closed. She took one of the bottles out of the fridge and sat on the bed to look at the papers. After a few seconds of staring at the paper and casually sipping her drink, Rebecca came across the revelation that she had no idea what the papers meant. With that bit of worry out of her head she focused on the drink. When Jacob was done with the shower he joined Rebecca on the bed and continued to scan them.
“So what do all these mean?” Rebecca asked pointing to the papers.
“Well, these are all the signatures we got over the past few days as well as some rough projections to how well Coca-Cola will sell, at least for here,” Jacob explained.
“Here?”
“Yeah, as I heard it, we can’t really get an accurate market deal with just one city. We have to go all around to different cities to see what would sell well.”
“You mean we get to stay here longer? That’s great!” Rebecca said and hugged Jacob, who smiled lightly and patted her on the back. After a second she pulled away and asked, “So where are we going next?”
“You tell me,” Jacob said and placed a piece of paper with a bunch of city names in front of her. “Like I said, this is your gig. I’m just here to keep you focused and the like.”
“Oh, well ok,” Rebecca said with a hint of nervousness and picked up the paper, “So… where are the cities?”
“I think they gave us a map, and even if they didn’t maps aren’t hard to find. If I remember correctly the closest cities are Fillydelphia,” Jacob shuddered at the name, “and Ponyville, which I’ve been told is the worst place to go to right now since it’s been crowded for that past month or so.”
“Ponyville sounds like a nice place,” Rebecca said.
“Weren’t you listening? I said-“
“That settles it, we’re going to Ponyville!” Rebecca said with a dramatic flair. Jacob could only sigh into his hooves.
“Come on slow poke, I’m gonna go flat by the time we get there,” Rebecca said in a half joking manner.
“Hold your horses, I’m not used to pulling wagons,” Jacob said and motioned to the wagon he was pulling, filled with all kinds of soda and soda based accessories, “And why am I the only one pulling this thing?”
“Because I’m not strong enough,” Rebecca said and lowered onto the ground with a sad, wide eyed look, “My poor little glass body just can’t handle the strain.”
“You have no problem with what you are, but you’re able to exploit it whenever you want. I wish I could figure that kind of thing out.” Jacob shook his legs out a little before continuing down the road, Rebecca bouncing happily in front of him. He made an effort to practice flapping his wings since he had to figure out how to do that eventually. Rebecca had to stop after a few minute to cough up some foam and when she was done with that she pointed behind them.
“Hey, there’s somepony coming up to us!” she said. Jacob unhitched himself to see who it was and was taken aback a little at the dark blue cart.
“Hey!” Jacob called out and the unicorn pulling the cart stopped once she was next to them. “You’re… Emma, right? We met a couple days back?”
“Oh yeah, you were the one with the Coke pony,” Emma replied.
“Excuse me, my name’s Rebecca,” Rebecca said annoyed.
“That’s nice dear,” Emma said. Jacob caught sight of Caleb poking his head out from the cart to look at them. “So, you’re on your way to Ponyville too?”
“Yep, her idea,” Jacob said jerking his head to Rebecca, “It’s going to suck once we get there.”
“Well we might get lucky, there’s only one way to find out. If Rebecca needs to she can stay in our refrigerator.”
“I’ll be fine,” Rebecca said and moved to the back of Jacob’s cart, “but thanks for the offer.” Emma gave a short laugh as Rebecca climbed onto the cart, which pulled forward a few seconds later.
It was still a ways to Ponyville.
“So, what all do you have?” Jacob asked Emma.
“Why?” Emma replied.
“I’m just curious.” Jacob looked back at Rebecca who was happily downing a bottle of soda.
“Eh, the standard fare: regular, diet, cherry, even some old stuff like Crystal Pepsi and-”
“No way, you have Crystal Pepsi back there?!”
“Well, yeah.”
“How much for a bottle?”
“You traitor!” Rebecca called from the back.
“It’s t-three bits per bottle,” Caleb said.
“Cool, I always wanted to try some.” The conversation died between them and they continued walking down the road. Rebecca and Caleb regularly looked at each other curiously.”
“So, y-your name’s R-Rebecca, right?” Caleb asked.
“Yes, it is. Why do you ask?” Rebecca replied. Caleb jerked and sank down into the cart.
“I was j-just curious.”
“Is he always this shy?” Jacob asked.
“Not really, he’s really talkative when he wants to be,” Emma said and laughed, “You should have seen him last night. He went on a tangent for half an hour on how certain flavors of Pepsi would be better if things were done differently.”
“It wasn’t a tangent,” Caleb whispered. That was the last piece of conversation until Ponyville came into sight. And what a sight it was.
“See Rebecca, this is why I didn’t want to go here,” Jacob said and motioned to the near one thousand tents set up in the field surrounding Ponyville. Both of the soda ponies were entranced at the sight, letting out quiet ‘wows.’
“There’s so many of them,” Rebecca said, “but why are they around this town in particular?”
“I only have a base knowledge of the show, but I do know that this town is usually where the show takes place,” Jacob answered.
“It’s more or less the biggest place that fans of the show can go,” Emma said and swept a hoof over the landscape, “and boy do they come.”
“Don’t they have j-jobs?” Caleb asked.
“This is probably just vacation for them and really I’m not one to judge,” Jacob said and started pulling the cart again with Emma following slightly behind.
“So where are we staying Uncle Jacob?” Rebecca asked once they parted ways with Emma and Caleb.
“Before we worry about that, we have to find a good place to set up and we might have to check in with the mayor of this town,” Jacob said and flew up a couple of feet to look over the crowd in front of him, “Oh man, this place is crowded. I can only imagine how the residents feel about this.”
“Mhmm… so where are we staying?”
“*sigh* some hotel somewhere. Hey, can you be a dear and go look for a good place to set all this up?”
“Ok, I’ll go do that,” Rebecca said and hopped off of the cart. She made it a good way through the crowd until she found herself in some kind of market. “This looks like a good place, but I wonder if there are any empty spaces?” While wondering this Rebecca got distracted by some kind of commotion at a nearby stand.
“Now hold on fellas, yer gonna have to wait in line so I can get to all of ya,” the vendor said. Somehow that quelled the crowd around the stand into a near silence.
“Now that’s a true salespony, I can only hope to reach her level of skill someday,” Rebecca whispered and could have sworn she felt tears starting to form. She shook her head a little and continued to search for a spot. While doing so Rebecca felt the piercing stares of ponies around her and could only give a nervous smile in response. Of course, there was one set of eyes that really stuck with her.
“Um, hi Rebecca.” Rebecca recognized the voice and looked back at Caleb.
“Hi… what are you doing here?” Rebecca asked as Caleb walked up to her.
“Oh, I’m looking for a spot to put our stand tomorrow. And you?”
“More or less the same thing.” The silence between the two became overbearing as Rebecca stared at Caleb who had his eyes cast down to the ground. “Well, good luck with that. I still have work to do.”
“MAYBEWECANLOOKFORASPOTTOGETER!” Caleb suddenly burst out, stopping Rebecca in her tracks.
“W-what?”
“Well, you know, if you want to,” Caleb said and scratched the ground. Rebecca stared at him for a moment before sighing and looking back in front of her.
“Whatever, but no stealing the spot I choose ok?” Rebecca said.
“That’s fine,” Caleb answered and trotted to catch up to Rebecca.
‘Ugh, that took too long. At least the mayor was understanding of what we’re doing.’
Jacob quietly sighed at the thought, but he was glad that it wasn’t nearly as exhausting as he thought it would be. After pushing through untold numbers of ponies, he finally made it to the hotel. He unhitched himself from the cart and walked inside the hotel. The lobby wasn’t as crowded as he thought so he could get a room with little hassle. He picked up the key, once again thankful for figuring out how to use hooves, just as Rebecca came hopping in.
“Hi Uncle Jacob!” she said and continued trotting happily around Jacob.
“Hi Rebecca, you seem happy.”
“Of course I am! I found a perfect spot for us, but there’s one problem.”
“Tell me about it when we get to the room, I’m beat.” Jacob led the way up the stairs and down one of the hallways. Once they got to their rooms Jacob flopped onto one of the beds. “Ugh, bronies, they’re like locusts. They just pop up out of nowhere.”
“Since Equestria actually exists, do you think they could start a political party or religion?” Rebecca asked.
“Oh god no, please don’t give them ideas,” Jacob said pulling a pillow over his head.
“I was just speculating. Do you have a problem with bronies?”
“No not really, I just don’t like crowds. And there are just hundreds of them out there; it took me an hour to walk down a street.”
“I think they’re charming in their own strange way.” Rebecca opened the bathroom door and looked around it, “We’re going to need ice for me later.”
“We’ll worry about that later. So what is that problem with that spot?”
“Well…”
“Pepsi is right across from us.”
And indeed they were. Though a weird (not to mention ironically humorous) twist of fate, Rebecca had secured a spot across the street from Caleb. At the moment both teams were setting up for the day.
“Well at least I won’t have to walk far to get some Crystal Pepsi,” Jacob said.
“You traitor,” Rebecca whispered.
“How does that make me a traitor? I’m allowed to like different sodas.”
“I just don’t get it. What is your favorite soda anyway?”
“I don’t really have an overall favorite, but I guess I like different flavors of soda.”
“That’s what I just asked.”
“No no, I meant like how Coke has different flavors. I like certain flavors over others, like how I really liked it when Coke Vanilla was out.”
“Well we have some right here.” Rebecca sat down and Jacob followed.
“I just meant it as an example.”
“So, why do you want Crystal Pepsi so much?” Rebecca asked setting out samples.
“It’s kind of a novelty thing. Crystal Pepsi was only on the market for about a year, so whatever bottles you can find on the internet go for ridiculously high prices. The fact that I can get my…” Jacob looked down at his hooves for a second, “…hooves on some of that is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”
“I just don’t get it.”
“Oh just drink your Coke and leave me and my drink choices alone.” With that the conversation came to a brief end and at the right time too since the crowd had just started picking up. Once that started, the day turned into a busy hassle full of explanations, selling, and taste tests all around. Every time they looked over they could see that Caleb and Emma were in much the same predicament.
“Thank you for your business,” Rebecca said. The pony nodded and walked away with his newly acquired six pack of Coke and Rebecca turned to Jacob. “So, how are we doing?”
“At this rate, we will run out of stock in… ten minutes,” Jacob answered.
“What, really?” Rebecca sank into her seat with a sad sigh, “Which means we won’t be able to work for the rest of the day. That sucks.”
“Yeah, god forbid that we run out of work due to lack of stock.”
“Exactly!” Any further moping was stopped when a large cheer resounded though the crowd.
“Argh, my ears!” Jacob yelled and held his hooves over his ears, “What is going on?” Rebecca jumped on top of the table, sparing a glance to see Caleb did the same, and looked out above the crowd. The crowd was dividing as something came closer.
“Somepony’s coming this way. Do you… oh my,” Rebecca said and jumped back into her seat and patted down her mane. “Do you think it’s the princess’? How does my mane look? Is my soda fizzing?”
“Your soda’s always fizzing and your mane’s fine, but I don’t think it’s them. From what I heard, they’re taller than the average pony so I could probably see them from here. Its somepony else.” Jacob blinked a couple of times at what he said. “I just said ‘somepony’. I’m getting too used to this.”
“Well if it’s not the princess’, who is it?” That question was answered once the crowd parted fully to reveal six mares. “No way!”
“Is that them?!” Caleb yelled.
“Who?” Jacob asked. The six mares stopped in the between the tables and looked around at the crowd. One of the two pegasi in the group really seemed to be enjoying the attention, performing small aerial tricks for the crowd. The purple unicorn scrapped a hoof against the ground.
“Um, hi everypony,” she said. A second passed before the crowd sheered loudly.
“For god’s sake, don’t aggravate them!” Jacob yelled holding his ears as his wings flared up.
“I’m sorry, I’m still new to this!” the unicorn yelled over the crowd, which seemed to keep going until…
“Everypony shut up!” the pegasus yelled, which caused the crowd to immediately stop. “Thank you,” she said and landed next to the unicorn, “So what’s going on here?” Jacob lifted an ear and sighed in relief, not noticing Rebecca taking out a glass Coca-Cola bottle and opening it.
“Well, we’re doing market tests for Coca-Cola, a soft drink from Earth,” Jacob explained to the mares as Rebecca finished the glass and let out a satisfied sigh. “So uh, would you like to-“
Right then, for reasons unknown, Rebecca chose this moment to smash the bottle over Jacob’s head, who fell back clutching his head with a yelp of pain.
“Don’t mind him, he’s my assistant and he gets a little talky,” Rebecca said to the group of surprised mares, “Anyway, would you like to try Coca-Cola?”
“OBJECTION!” Everypony turned to the Pepsi table, where Caleb was dramatically pointing a hoof at Rebecca. “How do you know they would like to try that?”
“Well they walked over to us… it was natural to assume they would.”
“I’ll have to point out that our tables are at least 15 feet apart, they’re right in the middle of us, and they asked a general question. Your handler just answered first.”
Jacob stood up rubbing his head as Rebecca continued. “All valid points, but there’s nothing stopping them from coming over to us. And your attempt at logical subterfuge is very-“ Jacob stopped Rebecca by turning her head to him and flicking her nose.
“And what in the hell was that for?” he asked.
“H-huh?” Rebecca asked holding her snout.
“Why did you break a bottle over my head?” Everypony, Caleb especially, was thrown off by this sudden derail.
“Um… heat of the moment?” Rebecca answered with her most innocent smile, though Jacob was having none of it and flicked her on the nose again.
“I could have gotten seriously hurt. If you do that again, I won’t make you those brownies I told you about.”
“What?!” Rebecca shouted and grabbed Jacob’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, it was a rash act and I shouldn’t have done that, just please don’t take away those brownies!”
“Brownies?” the white unicorn in the group asked.
“Yeah, I found a recipe for Coca-Cola brownies on the interblag, and she of course freaked out once she found out,” Jacob explained and looked at her flatly as she hugged him, “although after this little stunt, I don’t know about those brownies.”
“I’m so-o-orry, I didn’t mean it,” Rebecca cried.
“You can make brownies from soda?” Caleb asked and looked at Emma with an excited look.
“If you’re good, we’ll see,” Emma answered and Caleb cheered.
“See, they’re making brownies!” Rebecca said.
“I don’t know…” Jacob said.
“Please!” Rebecca said and it actually seemed like she was crying. More out of curiosity than anything, Jacob touched one of the tears and licked it.
“You even cry Coke?” Jacob asked, “That’s… actually not as surprising as it should be.”
“Plea-a-ase.”
“Well… if you’re a good girl and don’t break any more bottles over my head, I might change my mind.”
“I won’t do it again! I promise!”
“Like I said, we’ll see. Now weren’t you doing something?”
“Oh, that’s right!” Rebecca immediately shot into serious mode and stared at Caleb, “What were we talking about again?”
“We were debating over whether they should try your product or ours,” Caleb answered.
“Oh, right.” Rebecca slammed a hoof on the table and gave a powerful stare at Caleb. “So…where was I?”
“Your attempt at logical subterfuge was…”
“Oh, thank you.” Rebecca slammed the table again and said, “Your attempt at logical subterfuge is incredibly laughable!”
“Oh really? And how do you suppose your logic is better?”
“Oh I can,” Rebecca said pulling out a chart stand out of nowhere, “in this thirty seven point chart as to why Coca-Cola is better than Pepsi.”
“Well that’s a coincidence, because I have a thirty eight point chart stating the opposite,” Caleb said also pulling out a chart from nowhere.
“Oh, you’re good. I’m sure this will be a battle for the ages.” Jacob took this time to step away from the table unnoticed, Emma doing the same at her table, and quietly walked to the group in the middle.
“I am so totally lost right now, and I think I like it,” the pink mare said.
“Ah have ta agree, what exactly is going on here?” the orange pony in the group asked.
“Psst, you want my opinion?” Jacob said once he got to the group. “They look like they could go on for hours, so why don’t you buy a bottle from both tables?”
“Huh?” the blue pegasus asked.
“I have to agree,” Emma said, “That’s really the best outcome to this situation.”
“What?” the purple unicorn asked.
“That way, you can decide what soda you like better when you want and we won’t get torn apart by fan ponies because you chose one soda over another. It’s a win-win for everyone,” Jacob said.
“We really have no idea what you’re talking about,” the white unicorn said.
“A customer!” Everypony looked at the tables and saw a yellow pegasus at the Coke table and the pink mare at the Pepsi table.
“I’ll take six of the regular please,” they both said.
“Great, that’ll be twelve bits,” Rebecca and Caleb said to their respective customers.
“Jeez, I didn’t realize how similar they are,” Jacob commented.
“Out of curiosity, does she do what Caleb always does and put soda in everything she eats?” Emma asked.
“Oh yeah, she can hardly go a day without doing that.”
“I um, got some soda for us, if that’s alright,” the yellow pegasus said to the group.
“Weird, so did I,” the pink mare said, “that was good thinking. Let’s go try it!” The pink mare showed a lack of concern for physics by grabbing the whole group of mares and taking off through the crowd.
“Thanks for your business,” Caleb and Rebecca called to the group of mares before shooting a look at each other.
“Who were they anyway?” Jacob asked.
“Those were the main characters of the show. I guess you can say they’re pretty big celebrities for Earth tourists,” Emma explained.
“Wait, celebrities? Oh crap.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’re celebrities, and they just bought something from us.” Jacob looked around at the crowd, “And what are your thoughts on how many fans of that show are here right now?” The implications hit Emma just then and her eyes widened in shock.
“Oh crap.”
“Ah, what a great day of working,” Rebecca said and stretched a little. A glance at the quivering wreck of a pony on the bed dragged that mood down a little.
“’Locusts’ doesn’t even begin to describe them. They were everywhere, staring at me, touching me with their hooves,” Jacob muttered to himself and shivered, “There was just so many.”
“Aw, don’t worry Uncle Jacob, you’ll get over it,” Rebecca said patting Jacob’s side.
“This job’s going to make me agoraphobic. Please, no more celebrity customers.” The knock on the hotel door drew Rebecca’s attention. She quickly peeked out of the door and saw Caleb.
“What are you doing here?” Rebecca asked.
“Oh, I-I heard that your handler isn’t doing t-to well,” Caleb said, “I just wanted to see how h-he was doing.”
“He’s doing fine, the crowds just got to him a little,” Rebecca said and flinched just a little at one of Jacob’s fairly loud screams. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Well… we’re staying here.”
“What?”
“We’re um… just down the hall too,” Caleb said pointing down the hall.
‘Are you serious?! Why exactly is it you’re staying here? Is this some kind of spying attempt?’ Rebecca thought.
“So um, your handler said he wanted some Crystal Pepsi so I-“ Rebecca found herself knocked out of the way very suddenly.
“Did someone say Crystal Pepsi?!” Jacob said excitedly.
“Um, y-yes?” Caleb said nervously.
“You got over that quickly,” Rebecca commented and stood up carefully checking her body for any cracks.
“Oh, I’ll go back to the bed when I finish with this negotiation, but right now this is important. How much do you have?” Caleb took a couple of steps back when Jacob’s wings subconsciously flared.
“Oh um, we have-“
“I know we went over this, but why are you making such a big deal about this again?” Rebecca asked.
“I’m glad you asked!” Caleb said excitedly, “You see, back in the 1980’s-“
“I don’t want a full history,” Rebecca said, “Just give me the cliff notes.”
With a sigh, Caleb said, “Fine. As I was saying, in the 1980’s Pepsi and Coca-Cola were still going head to head in the soda market. It was around then that Pepsi released Crystal Pepsi. It was unfortunately discontinued a year later.”
“They tried to bring it back several times from what I heard, but it’s only in recent years that it started getting some kind of cult following,” Jacob added. “Whenever bottles of Crystal Pepsi show up on Ebay they usually go for at least a hundred dollars.”
“For a bottle of thirty year old soda?” Rebecca asked.
“Mhmm, and with the new market in Equestria, Pepsi decided to make it for a limited time to see if it’ll sell well here. And by sales figures alone it does look like that’s the case. We only have maybe a dozen bottles left and that’s only because I saved them.”
“I’ll take ALL OF THEM!” Jacob yelled.
“H-huh? A-are you sure?” Caleb asked and Jacob nodded. “O-ok, let me go get them,” he said slowly backing up to his room. Once he disappeared into the room Rebecca grabbed Jacob’s shoulders.
“What are you doing?! Do you have the brain worms?” she asked.
“I was buying soda and I didn’t know you’ve seen that show,” Jacob answered.
“You’re buying soda from Pepsi! How do you know they didn’t poison it?”
“You’re asking if they poisoned a bunch of random soda bottles on the off chance that I wanted to get some? You need to calm down a little Rebecca, they’re not James Bond villains.”
“You don’t know that!” The door to Caleb’s room opened and he walked out carrying a bag in his mouth. He set it in front of Jacob and scratched at the ground a little.
“Well, here you are. T-that’ll be-“
“I’ll get your money in a second, first I gotta hide these. You two just chat while I’m doing that,” Jacob interrupted, picked up the bag, and closed the door.
“Wha- hey!” Rebecca said and tried to open the door. When that didn’t work she sighed and looked at Caleb.
“This was a busy day today, wasn’t it?” he said quietly.
“Yeah, we sold a lot of soda today. We’re probably going to have to wait for more before we can sell again. I assume that’s the same for you?” Rebecca asked.
“Oh, y-yes. Um… does that mean you’re… free tomorrow?”
“Huh?”
“N-nothing, forget I asked.” Any further awkward conversation was stopped when Jacob opened the door with a tiny bag in his mouth.
“Here you go,” he said and gave the bag to Caleb, “And Rebecca here is free tomorrow.”
“What?!”
“You need to spend time with someone other than me. I worry about you sometimes.”
“But why him?” Rebecca asked.
“Why not?”
“He’s made out of Pepsi!”
“You’re made out of Coke, which means your both soda. Really, I see no problem here.”
“But… why?”
“Eh,” Jacob shrugged. Rebecca opened and closed her mouth, searching desperately for something, and groaned in frustration when she couldn’t think of anything.
“Argh, I can’t argue with that! I’m taking a cold bath.” Rebecca pushed past Jacob and closed the bathroom door.
“For the record, you were trying to ask her out right?” Jacob asked Caleb.
“I- I wouldn’t call it that,” Caleb answered.
“Ah don’t worry, mum’s the word and all that. Good night.” Jacob closed the door.
“G-good night.”
