Chapters Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
About twenty minutes after the boys left, everypony was at the house laughing and enjoying the get together. A few were busy enjoying the mixed drinks that were on hand at the time. Dust hadn't moved from the couch but Hestaria had decided to sit with her maid of honor. She had enough to drink where she was getting a little clingy. Without her husband in the room, she didn't have her usual snuggle bag. She instead leaned up against Dust and occasionally nuzzling into her neck.
The only one that wasn't drinking because they were pregnant was a dark read pegasus with the front of her chocolate brown mane over the entire right side of her face. She instead sipped from a bottle of water that she brought. Strangely, Luna was even drinking! Though she stuck with simple white wine, the Nexus household not having any of her favorite red.
"Okay," the light green earth pony drinking her apple martini said interrupting the laughter. "I don't know if I brought this up before-"
"And I know you did." Dust said rolling her eyes as she just letting Hestaria rest on her.
"-But how did you, of all mares, you, end up with a stick in the mud like the Colonel."
"Yeah you never do answer her." One of the more sober mares there added in. "Why don't you actually tell us."
"You have never told them?" Luna asked surprised.
"Were you embarrassed of him?" the red pegasus said equally confused.
"Lunar and I didn't want to spread it around is all, Ink. Though I'm not sure that wasn't part of the reason Lunar didn't want to."
"Well we figured that from you not saying a damn thing about it."
"Well you never asked."
How does a Princess work in such a mess? It's what I've been wondering ever since Princess Luna assigned me to her study. This wasn't mortal! Then again that made sense. Books scattered about, empty cups stacked in a tower that for some reason defied gravity and everything covered in a very potent layer of dust. Every single day. If she were anypony else I would've actually said something to her about this mess! Maids don't ask anything of their tenants other than payment. Ugh… I should've stayed in art school. I brushed up another pan full of dust and and made my way over to the window. Normally I'd use a trash can but They were all full so the window would have to do for the actual dirt and such.
I sweep it out with my brush and the wind blows some of it back in my face. I try to blow it back but it was far too late, it always was. I shuttered and let out a strong yet quiet sneeze. I hated that damn thing. It did help with guys but it hurt. I shook my head and snorted, getting what was left of the dust out of my nose before I do it again.
"I see you've run out of space in your bins again Ms. Storm." a calm yet authoritative voice called from the window.
My heart stopped as I turned around to see Princess Luna floating at the window I just dumped out of with it coming off her flapping wings in clouds. "Princess! I'm so sorry1 I didn't know you we-"
"Don't mind that. These things happen Ms. Storm. Just be more aware of those you are dumping on." She said before flying to the balcony to let herself in.
"If you don't mind my asking Princess, but what were you doing out there?"
"Coming to find you Ms. Storm"
"Me?" Oh no, who else have I dropped dirt on? "What for?"
"As I understand it, you and your friends go out every few weeks. Am I correct?"
"Y-Yes Princess, why do you ask?"
"As you are no doubt aware, I have a personal guard. His name is Lieutenant Nexus."
Oh right, one of her many stone cold warriors who sneer at sunlight. I wasn't sure if she thought I'd heard of this one in particular but may as well play along. "Yes. What about him?"
"Well he isn't the most social of ponies. And I was hoping that maybe you would not mind taking him along for the night."
Oh no. I might not know much about the Guard but I know for a fact that they're all misery guts! All broody and completely absolutely miserable to hang around! "I… Princess I don't think th-"
"Ms. Storm," Princess Luna said quickly stopping her from telling her no in even the smallest way. "He locks himself away every day he's not with me. Maybe every few weeks he'll have lunch with a friend from his deployment but that is it. He needs the fresh air. If nothing else do it as a favor to me. Perhaps a pick from the Castle's Wine Cellar would be enough to sweeten the deal?"
Wine? One hundred year old wine. Only got a taste last Hearths Warming when some pompous snob spilled some on me. It was really good… And something tells me next time it won't be a bribe that gets me asking him out… Wait…
"Is this like a… date Princess?"
"No. He is quite handsome if it helps."
Sure he is. "Anything I want from the Cellar?" The Princess nodded with a smile. "Alright. Where can I find him?"
The carriage had dropped came to a stop at the front end of the mall most of the shoppers stopping to stare as Nexus and Ephilates get out with their kids riding on their backs.
"Would you like us to stay here Senator?" the lead puller asked.
"No that's fine. Just go park the chariot somewhere and kick back for a while." Nexus ordered. "Wife's having her baby shower today."
"Yes sir." The lead nodded his head and they started off to the nearest parking garage.
"Feel good to be rid of your servants Nex?" Ephialtes asked.
"Don't push it Ephi."
As the two unicorns walked towards the massive building, the congregations outside stared as they went.
"Papi…" Gale asked gripping the back of her father's neck. "Why are they looking at us."
"Ask your uncle." Ephialtes told her.
"Well… I'm important I guess."
"What about Uncle Ephi?" Astral asked.
"He's important too. He's Captain of the Guard after all!"
Nexus followed the path to the directory and started looking for some shops they could go to. There were more than enough fru fru shops in the mall to get anything from jewelry to candy. The closest was a flower shop. Nexus pointed it out and Ephialtes agreed that'd be a good place to start. The one main downside to the mall was it was more or less an outdoor lay out. The shops lining brick path ways in a star pattern. The flower shop was on the bottom prong of the six point star on the left.
As they walked, ponies still stared. Nexus and Ephialtes did all they could to ignore them but there was no way their kids would. The noticed every single glance in their direction. As far as Nexus was concerned, this was the best possible outcome to them shopping like this. Nopony running up to get an autograph that they could hold onto and sell when he was dead, no reporters clamoring for some kind of word they could twist out of proportion to say they were pro-child abuse or something equally outlandish.
The two of them equally dreaded taking either of their wives out to dinner. It almost always ended up with something getting in their face. But today, everypony seemed to have something else on their minds. And rightfully so. Of cores with his own mind loving not being noticed as heavily for once, he almost missed his son slapping the side of his neck for attention.
"What I it Astral?" Nexus asked hoping he didn't sound like a bad parent in public.
"Why are we getting flowers?" he asked for what might have been the sixtieth time.
"For Mommy and Aunt Stari my dear munchkin."
"Stop calling me that!" Astral protested.
"Why not? You are one."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. And girls love flowers. Hint for lift son."
"Don't dump so much on him now Nex. You might just talk yourself dead." Ephialtes added.
"Are there going to be daisies and roses and…. and…." Gale stammered trying to think of more flower kinds.
"All that and more Sweetheart." Ephi told her. "Here's the place."
The shop's front was all glass panes showing off the incredible volume of flowers they had on offer. Just from a quick glance, Ephi could tell there weren't many, if any at all roses to be seen. He swore under his breath and prayed that Gale didn't hear.
"Don't worry Ephi, there's probably something in there she'll love." Nexus reassured as they entered.
Once past the doors, they were hit with a wave of hot air coming from the stove on the left hand side of the shop, tactfully away from the plants in the room. The kids jumped off their father's backs and quickly ran to get a look at whatever colorful plant that caught their eye first.
"Don't wander off you two." Nexus said, hoping his words were heard.
"Hi!" the pale yellow mare with her curly purple mane tied back said with a smile. "Welcome to Lots of Pots. Can I help you gentlemen find anything?"
"Ya got anymore roses? My wife's a sucker for roses." Ephi asked getting straight to the point. He was clearly a little nervous about not getting his wife her favorite red flowers.
"Sorry. We ran out yesterday but there might still be some in stock. Want me to-"
"Yes!"
"Okay Mr. Pushy." she said holding up her hoofs in surrender before taking the door right behind the counter.
"Tad on edge Ephi?" Nexus asked hoping to have little fun at his expense.
"You always this tactfully dickish?" Ephi asked hoping to throw Nexus on the defensive.
"Kind of I guess. I wasn't always this sharp but I was certainly far from being nice."
Alright, reconfigure the memory distribution matrix to avoid the circuits turning to slag or exploding in my face. How'd I put that together again? I glance over some sketches next to my station and reheat the soldering iron. So rerouting power didn't work the first time so maybe doing that and this reconfiguration will work. I pull the iron up and set the lines and set the power cable again.
"Alright baby. Just don't blow up in my face and you and me will make some beautiful music. Come on A.L.I.S." I mumble out loud.
I flip the switch to my small generator. It hums to life and the sensor array hooked into it starts getting a feed. Any higher than one thirty eight it'll burst into flames. So far only one twenty. I keep my eyes locked on the modified calculator display when a knock came at the door. I glance at the clock and notice it's nearly ten o'clock. A little late for Luna to be here.
"I'm busy Princess." I call to the door.
"I'm not Luna. Now open up!" a mare called banging on the door a few more times.
"Oh in that case, no visitors." I hear a groan from the other side of the door and hoof steps storming away.
I wonder if she knew the door wasn't locked? Regardless, I return my full attention to the project at hand. It looks like it's holding one twenty five so that should be enough to not ruin another circuit board right? I let out a sigh as I get the one of the mother boards from the shelf above my desk. I connect the power source and sodden in the new memory distribution matrix. Now for the real moment of truth. I flip on the power a- was that the lock? I see my shadow cast on the wall from the lights of the hall way flooding in.
"I'm on orders from the Princess." the mare from earlier said stepping in.
Well this is going about as well as I expected. He looks like a classic villain from a spy movie. He was hunched over a table in the nearly black room. Despite the walls being white nopony could tell from the absolute lack of light. The windows were covered by the black curtains with tape holding them shut. It looked like he was about to turn around and have one blind eye and holding a gun or something.
"Are you now?" he said not looking up from his desk.
"She asked me to take you out tonight. So get out of that armor and let's go." The sooner I get this over and done with the better.
"Define 'Taking me out.' ?" he asked.
"You are going with me and my friends to a party. That's it. I'm not taking no for an answer Nexus now come on."
He sighed and got up. I couldn't quite tell if Luna was wrong yet. His face was half covered by the helmet. And what pony needs that much leg armor? "And why should I?"
"Princess Luna said so, that's why now come on." I whined, hoping that annoying him into submission would work.
"I'd love to," he said with obvious sarcasm. "But I've got a project th-"
"You mean the one that's on fire right behind you?" I said pointing out that whatever it
He spun around and saw she wasn't bluffing. "Gah!" Nexus quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher and blasted the blazing objects on the table.
"Looks like you’re free now. Now come on."
After everything wasn't on fire, he groaned and spun around. "Fine. Wait here."
I sat back on my haunches and watched him walk into an equally black room. A light came on and his shadow vanished into another room. I tapped my hoof on the marble floor until the light turned off. Wasn't too long but how long could it possibly take for a unicorn of all ponies to get out of armor? He came back into the light of the hall and I used my wing to flip the light switch on the wall. May as well get a better look. He wasn't fazed by the sudden change in light. Luna wasn't talking completely out of her flank. He wasn't gorgeous or anything, but he was kind of cute. His shaggy black mane hung fairly low on his face and even in the back was kind of longish. He was wearing a black leather jacket with… jeans? Why is he wearing clothes? He had a baseball cap with the Canterlot Flag sewn on the front in his telekinetic hold.
Would've loved if she didn't do that but that's not what I'm too terribly pissed about. Was she eyeing me? Not eyeing me eyeing me, but certainly staring. She walked over and tossed my hat aside from basically nowhere.
"Too dark for that I think." She said.
"It's for my mane. You have your hair bands and I got my hat." I throw back my head and put my hat on over my mane, keeping it out of my eyes for the night.
"Well you look stupid." She said. I wasn't sure if she was serious.
"Whatever. Lead the way Miss…"
"Dust, Dust Storm. And please take that stupid thing off."
"First off, don't tell me what to do. Let's just go." I made my way out the door and my hat suddenly came off. Dust raced by me with my cap in her teeth.
I groaned and gave her a three second head start. I might not've wanted to be going out but might as well humor her. I began to count to three just as she rounded the corner of the tower. I quickly broke into a full sprint after her. It wasn't long before I was right on her tail. I wasn't in the mood to try and get my way around her for my hat so I got waited for a straight hallway. Discretely, I prepare the pistons in my hind legs and leap forwards and over her. I jump far enough to be able to spin around and stop her cold before she could fall over me.
"And second," I take my hat back and pull my hair back with my magic. "Don't touch me." I put my hat on and make my way towards the main staircase.
"Well you're a pocketful of sunshine aren't you?" Ms. Storm said with a giggle. She was enjoying this too much.
Author's Note
Nexus: A rewrite? Did you even get permission for this?
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
We made our way outside not long after Nexus took his hat back. I have to admit, it's kind of fun pushing this boy's buttons. Let's see how many more I can push? We finally make our way outside after several minutes of silence.
"Alright, welcome to the outside world. That's a tree and this is fresh air." I say hoping I've gotten under his skin sufficiently.
"I go for a ten mile run every single day Ms. Storm. I'd appreciate getting this over with as much as you. Now where are we going?" Nexus said flatly.
"Luna should've mentioned you were a kill joy. Well we're going to go to the club and I'll introduce you to my friends. Try and play nice at the very least."
"Did I ever say I was?"
"No, but Princess Luna did."
"Oh I'm sure she did." Nexus said groaning.
I'm starting to like Princess Luna a bit more. "Don't think I'm going to babysit you The thumping of the music could be heard fairly a block away. The line wasn't very long thankfully and I could see one of my friends in line. Martini looked impatient but seemed much more enthusiastic when she saw who was following me. I walk over with a smile and give Martini a hug.
"Where's Swift?" I ask as Nexus catches up.
"Already inside. Who, uh, who's your friend?"
"Apple Martini, this is Nexus, Princess Luna's personal guard."
"Charmed." Nexus said waving.
"Pleasure's all mine Mr. Nexus." Martini said with that stupid flirty wave she does. Doesn't look like he picked up on it though.
"So where's Swift?" I ask before she starts asking about his weapon .
"Inside already, I wanted to wait on you but she was thirsty."
"I hate when she's like this."
"Like what?" Nexus asked.
"Don't worry about it. Let's go get her before she kicks another stallion's teeth in."
"Another?" Nexus asked.
Another? Whoever Swift is I'm certain I don't wanna get on whatever side she's on. They talk to the bouncer and vouch for me. Honestly I was hoping he'd throw me out. This music is unbearable!
"So where's-" I would've finished that thought but it became fairly obvious.
A gray unicorn mare with a short orange mane was thrown onto the dance floor.
"Damn it Swift." Dust said shoving her way past the ponies on the dance floor.
She picked up the unicorn and dragged her back. "What part of 'Look don't touch' don't you understand jerk off!?" Was she already drunk?
"Look at you honey, your nose…" Martini said.
"You fucking sl-" I didn't need much more than him coming up ready to swing. I swing and land a perfect right hook to his jaw. Wasn't willing for him to get up again so I spin around and knock him down with a single kick to his stomach.
"You know what's good for ya, stay down!" I demand as the bouncer makes his way to them.
"H…How's the other guy look?" Swift asked dazed.
"Worse than you honey, I honestly think you made an improvement." Martini said as they started towards what I can only assume was their normal booth.
Okay he's crazy. Sits alone in the dark and knocks other men down like it's nothing. Whatever he did during "Deployment" Should probably stay as far away from us as possible. Even Swift has trouble with fights once in awhile but he just dropped a stallion in practically one punch. The kick might've been for fun, I couldn't tell. I help Martini set Swift down in the booth shove her into the back of the booth. Nexus had vanished at some point. Swift's head started swaying in an invisible wind with her eyes shut.
"Swift, open your eyes and look at me." I ask.
Before she can answer the question the music suddenly stops. I look up and see a blue bubble around us, nopony else outside the bubble seemed to notice the sudden lack of sound. Nexus walked through it with two glasses of clear liquids, one bubbling and one not.
"Where'd you go?" Dust asked.
"Went to get a few things for that nose and the eventual headache." He said taking a seat. "I can fix the nose easy enough if it's not broken but the blood's not going to clean itself. Look at me… Swift right?"
She weakly groaned in what could've been considered a 'Uh hu.' Nexus helped pick her head up and hold an eye open. Was he wearing his metal boots?
"Alright, follow my hoof." He said. He moved it back and forth and she followed it slightly slowly. "Well if she's got a concussion it's not bad." His horn lit up and her nose glowed slightly. "That should take care of the bleeding. Just wipe the blood off her face."
"Yeah sure." I said dipping a napkin in the glass of water. There wasn't too much but I did have to dip it again, her blood seeping out into the iced water.
"Think she'll be okay?"
"More than likely. She'll have a hell of a headache though."
"Nothing new. Certainly nothing a good massage can't fix. In fact I think I might need one." Martini said with one of her twenty "Come and get me. smiles.
Should I stop her? That look on his face is priceless. Haven't pushed buttons like this since High School! For a stone he's kind of easy.
"There, as beautiful as ever." Swift's head suddenly hit the table.
"Well with that, I'm going to get some drinks. Keep him here." I said.
"With pleasure." She got up and made her way to the other side of the table and tried to lean on him. He pushed her off instantly.
"Don't touch me." He said before I left the bubble for the bar.
I'm gonna have to talk to Luna about this little arrangement. I've got nothing against pretty girls but I've certainly got something against girls with no personal space. I finish cleaning Swift's face, she's on me again. Asking what exactly I did, what those little scars on my neck were, what my favorite drink was and what really got on my nerves, what I put in my hair to make it so soft. I actually had to toss her out of the booth as Dust got back. Looked like she got an apple martini, don't really have to guess who that was for, something colorful and a beer. She sat down and rolled her eyes at me.
"What part of playing nice don't you understand?" she sounded annoyed. Good.
"Keep her as far from me as you can, please?" I ask as she slides me the bottle. "I don't drink."
"A soldier that doesn't drink, that's a first." Dust said sipping her bright pink drink. Possibly a Strawberry Sunset. Mom's favorite.
"I just don't."
"Well I'm not waiting. I think I spy a Hoofington boy!" Martini said getting up with her drink and leaving the bubble.
"What's her deal?" I asked.
"She likes accents." Dust took another sip of her drink and sighed. "Come on, I didn't come here to sit in a bubble the hole Night."
"What? I'm here, I'm with somepony I've never met. Look, I'll even talk to her if that helps." He turned to Swift, still out cold. "So how are you?"
"Has anypony ever told you you're a dick."
"Damn straight!" Swift said suddenly sitting up. She gingerly prodded her nose. "Ow."
"You'll be fine. Just avoid getting into another fight and you'll be fine."
"Nice to see you're back in the land of the living Swift. You feel alright?"
"Aside from my nose yeah. A shot of whisky should fix that!"
"I'd lay off the alcohol incase the vein pops again. It'll just make it bleed more."
"Who asked you?" Swift snapped.
Yeah I don't wanna go any further down her bad side. I just put a hoof up and put my nose back in my book. I do see Swift down her ginger ail with gusto out the corner of my eye.
I see Swift start looking him over, sizing him up for a fight probably. He was reading something about Computers? Was that what he was doing when I went to get him? The hell do those things even do? I've seen some delivered to the castle but other than that I don't… If he was he'd need a bigger room.
"You know a computer sciences book would probably tell you more." Swift said to him.
"I'm well aware." He said not looking up from the book. "It's the fourth time I've read through this thing." Swift got up and shoved her way past me and began shambling her way to the bathroom. "Just need to figure out something to-"
"She's gone dude. I worry about her sometimes."
"From what I've seen she can handle herself. But I can understand the feeling" he still didn't look up. "You can go if you want. I'm not leaving until you do."
"That's not the point Nexus."
I really need to get new friends. I walk through the bubble and feel the bass thumping in my chest. I kind of liked that feeling. I need to avoid it for now. I walk into the ladies room and pass two valley girls on their way out. They stank of cigarettes. I saw Swift at her usual sink washing her face and rinsing her mouth out. Must've just finished vomiting.
"Hey, you okay Swift?" I ask rubbing her back. As usual she smacked my hoof away.
"I'm still standing aren't I Sweetie?" she said with a smile. Amazing how she just bounces back like that. "Come on, let's get Gloom and Doom out there to loosen up eh?"
"You sure you don't wanna just sit back a bit longer? Given this isn't your worst bar brawl b-"
"I'm fine Sweetie. Come on, let's have some fun!" She took me by the hoof and dragged me back out into the club. It's not long before we're back in the bubble. "Come on Grump, we're hitting the dance floor."
"I'm fine here thank you." He said still not looking up.
"Come on, you can't stay here all night! Have some fun!"
She turns to Dust and groans. Still amazing how she's bounced back from this so quick. "And you!"
"What?" Dust asked sounding offended.
"You're not at work Honey, let your hair down!" Swift's horn lit up and her magic grabbed her braided ponytail.
She used her magic to unfurl it. I have to admit, I didn't realize how long her black mane was, or how curly it was. Then Swift gave me the same come and get me grin that Martini had given me earlier. I felt a pit form in my stomach. I really hate when ponies flirt with me. It doesn’t happen often thankfully but it doesn't change how much I like it anymore when it does.
"Seriously, go have a ball. I'll get the cab at the end of the night. Think of me as the designated puller." I say faking a smile.
"Ugh… I'll be back for you." she said winking.
Dust was dragged away before she could protest. Finally I could get through this damn page. I did thankfully but about halfway through the page after next Swift came waltzing back in.
"Come on! It's a party. Let's dance!" she said grabbing my foreleg and yanking on it a couple of times.
"Yeah. I don't dance."
"I don't care, get up!" This time her tug was more of a strong yank.
She's a lot stronger than I thought. I drop my book on the table and I'm dragged out of my own bubble, in more than one way. The thumping music was painful, the sound already gave me a headache.
"How do you people deal with this noise!?" I shout over the music.
"Tune it out." Swift said as I approached Dust and Martini.
Dust's mane was about as scruffy as mine at this point. Well not scruffy but certainly messy compared to how it was when it came undone earlier. Still curly though. Swift practically through me at Dust as she began dancing. Dust didn't seem to mind almost falling over me as I did the same. In fact she was smiling and grabbed me by the hoofs and tried to get me to dance when I got my footing back. I took them back and rubbed my temples as the bass pounded my eardrums. I feel somepony grab me by the shoulder and turn me around. I find Swift using her magic to steal somepony's ear buds, oddly enough they didn't notice.
"Here you big baby." She said with a giggle. She slipped the white pieces of plastic into my ears with her hoofs and smiled at me. "Better?" She shouted over the music and ear protection.
"Not really." I say trying to yank the ear buds out. "These things hurt my ears and seriously, don't touch me."
"Not really. These things hurt my ears and seriously, *bass thump* touch me."
Did I just hear him right? I look over Nexus' shoulder at Swift and she seemed to be on the same page as me. Martini on the other hand was too distracted by her foreign cuisine to care. We smiled and began doing as he asked. About time too, I was tired of waiting for him to loosen up. I put a wing over him and start grinding against his side. Well as close as I can get to grinding. Swift had put her hoofs over his ears and looked him square in the eyes. Not sure why she liked doing that to guys but whatever made her happy. I slide up against him and nuzzled his neck and planted a kiss under his left jaw. He visibly shuddered before he slapped Swift's hoofs away and shoved her back. At the same time, he planted a hindleg in my chest and shoved me back with force.
"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME!" Nexus shouted louder than I thought possible. The whole club went silent, even the music shut off. "When I say don't touch me I fucking meant!" he turned around and began storming out of the club, even giving the ear buds Swift gave him to some dude.
I looked up at him in disbelief as he stormed out. "What'd I do?" I asked Swift. She chased him out.
What the absolute fuck is their problem!? What part of don't touch don't they understand? Alright, I see a cab. I pat my jacket to find my wallet and feel something is lacking. My book. I groan and spin on my heels, nearly slamming head first into Swift.
"Listen ma'am, I'm not in the mood to hear shit. I'm just going to get my book, go home and deal with the wrath of Luna." I say about to side step her.
"No." She says putting a hoof in my chest. The music kicked back on "Just relax." Her voice as a lot lower and softer than before. "I've seen ponies like you before. Just slow down and breath. Nopony's watching you now, you're all alone." Her voice got softer. "You've seen combat, I saw it in your eyes, I've been there." She got closer and the pressure on my chest got lighter. "You don't have to run."
"I'm not running." I tell her adamantly. "And honestly, you're the last pony I want telling me anything." I side step her and make my way to the club again.
I rounded the corner to the door and bumped into a familiar mare. Dust squeaked in surprise and nearly fell over. "H-hey." she said quickly.
Oh god he looks pissed. I didn't dare move. He stormed past me and into the club so my eyes dart across the sidewalk to find Swift. I see her not far away sitting near the curb. I was quick to rush to her side, already thinking of what pieces of my mind I wanted to give to Nexus.
"Are you okay? What happened?" I asked putting a hoof over her shoulder.
"It's nothing Sweetie. Just get him back to the castle and I'll just go back to the party." Swift said.
"No, if yo-"
"No buts Dust, just take him out of here before he says something he regret in the morning." She told me slightly somber. I had a feeling that meant she'd fight him.
"Bu-"
"I don't need her to take me back to the castle." Nexus said briskly walking by us.
"Nexus wait." I said catching up to him.
He didn't stop walking. "If she's so keen on me going home then she can take me there herself. You on the other hoof can stay here and do whatever you want."
"Wait." I say grabbing him by the tail. "She really shouldn't be here without somepony she knows that isn't completely wasted." I told him quietly. "The way she is right now she needs somepony to keep her from getting herself in trouble."
"And starting fights isn't trouble enough?" Nexus asked, his voice just as quiet.
"I don't want her to pick the wrong fight. Have a heart for once."
He blinked and he sighed. "Help me get her up and away from the bar."
"Club." I corrected.
Nexus spun around and made his way back to the club. Swift was still sitting on the ground.
Nexus put a hoof out, offering to help her up. "Come on, you're going back to the castle with us."
"Look, I-"
"No excuses soldier. Up and adam, we're moving out."
"You don't give orders to a Captain."
"I do when they're hammered and only drifting in and out of being nuts and being sane. Now get up." Nexus took her hoof and pulled it over a shoulder.
I get on the other side of her and help him hold her up. We walked for a while, Swift constantly telling us to take her back to the club. Once Nexus was satisfied with the distance he flagged down the cab and hauled her in. I sat across from them. Nexus just sat there with his hoof on her back as she started to fade back out. He'd give her a hard pat to keep her awake. The bumpy ride helped too. We helped Swift from the carriage and made our way through the castle gates. After getting through the front gates, Nexus stopped in the middle of the foyer.
"You know where her room is?" he asked checking around to make sure they weren't being seen by other guards.
"Y-yeah. you think she'll be alright?" I asked jostling her lightly to keep her up.
"Should be. Just make sure nopony sees her. Don't want an officer t-"
"To get a bad reputation. She gave me the same speech the first time I brought her back. A-"
"Not my concern. Just do that for sake. I'd rather not catch any shit from this."
Before I had a chance to say anything he walked off, leaving me with Swift still on the edge of passing out.
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
The Cellar/The Sparing Match
The hangover wasn't awful. Minor headache only slightly nauseous. It was enough to make me pray that it'll solve itself before my lunch break. I'm once again cleaning Princess Luna's study that had to be a portal through time because the dust and debris couldn't be made in one night. I was thankfully getting more money cleaning the study rather than any other room. The pay was much better working directly for the Princesses. Happily the hangover was gone before ten o'clock. I dump another load of dirt into the third trash can and found it full. I hope Luna's not flying outside today, I don't want to be punished.
That was it! Princess Luna made me take Nexus to the club last night as a punishment! That had to be it. He's her personal guard so she'd know him better than anybody else in the castle. She has to have known he was a total killjoy.
"Good morning Ms Storm." I hear a regally pissed voice say from the door.
Damn she's quiet. I jump in surprise and find Princess Luna leaning on the door jamb to her study. "Good morning Princess." I say hiding my surprise. "How long have you been there?"
"Not long." She shut the oak doors of the study with her magic and entered. This won't be good. "Lieutenant Nexus was just telling me of the night." Shit. "He had few kind words to say
"It's not my fault I didn't hear him right." I say going back to my cleaning.
"I do believe our deal had him be with you the whole night. As late as you usually stay."
"We both work in the morning. So I thought it was a good choice to turn in early."
"I thought it was Captain Swift's infamous liver."
Damn it! "Y… you know about that?"
"I have known for some time. My sister as well. Despite her behavior when off duty, she is a disciplined soldier and very decorated fighter. Celestia would prefer to her be more punctual in her spare time but it has not affected her on duty thus far."
"I'm sorry I didn't know everything would go the way it did. I did get him out of his room and to the party though. I think that was all we agreed on."
"Very true. I shall have somepony show you to the wine cellar later tonight." she opened the door behind her. "He shall be there when you get off work." she trotted out and motioned to somepony next to the door. No… From the right side of the door, Nexus stepped away from the door jamb and followed Princess Luna. He glanced over and I caught a glimpse of his blue eyes through the eye holes in his helmet. Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it !
Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it ! Why is she doing this!? What'd I do? Is it because I beat her at chess last week? I swear she let me win that game! I lost the three before that so why would it matter if I won once at all!? Okay so it's not the chess game so then what was it? She knew I didn't have a good time last night, I flat out told her Faust damn it! Ugh… May as well get this over with. I'm no wine expert but I've been dragged down here enough to know where most everything is. I say most. It’s not like I need to or want to come down here often. I could at best say what the Princesses and the delegates from Saddle Arabia like… Ponyville White, Dodge Red and Crystal Cabernet respectfully.
I don't have the taste for alcohol but apparently this was Ms. Storm's reward for getting me out and about, and Luna's way of, once again, prying me from my work. Dust looked to have mixed feelings. I'd assume on one hoof she gets a bottle of whatever she wants down here, even to me that's an honor, but I'm the one down here.
"So…" she sighed as we passed some old guard whiskey.
"If you have something you need to say just come out and say it." I say following her around another corner.
"About last night… I-"
"-Knew I didn't like ponies touching me."
"I thought you asked us to. The loud music made it hard to understand what you said."
"I don't care. Nopony touches me."
"And you plan on having a family in the future how?"
"That's different."
"How?"
"I don't expect you to understand Ms. Storm."
"What are you just one of those ponies that just doesn't like anypony? What's it called? Asexual?"
Okay I'm just going to have stop her now. I come to a halt and she stops with me. "Luna ever say what I do? Ever?"
"I don't know. We're not friends. But to be fair, you should've heard what she told me when she told me to go and get you."
"Trust me I don't. So a decision on your choice so we can have this over and done with?"
"Fine." she sighs and looks around the section we were in. I can see the gears in her head turning. Either Luna was already rubbing off on her or that was the default look women make when they're thinking of something devious.
So he's just going to be a dick? Did the Princess say I had to make a choice tonight? If I didn't would she give me another guard to walk me through the cellar? Would she let me request him? I'll have to ask. If he doesn't want to be here, then I'm going to make this as arduous a process as possible. I think she wouldn't mind me yanking him away from his work every day after work. And maybe I could get more out of this. Two bottles maybe? I'd have to taste it all. It's only polite to respond to such hospitality.
"I think I need a bit more time to think. Mind taking me back to Princess Luna to see if that's okay."
Oh he knows what I'm doing. He knows exactly what's going on. Oh this is going to be fun! He took me back to Princess Luna in total silence. It was glorious. What made it better was seeing his face when Princess Luna agreed to not only let me have another bottle and that I would be allowed to taste whatever I wanted. Oh his face! Perfect. I could learn to love that look on his face.
I could learn to hate that look. Luna had to be doing this to smite me. She had to be. But I still can't figure out what exactly I did wrong deserve it. All I've done that she might've been annoyed with was chess, that I'm sure she let me win at, and maybe because a spell misfired and burnt off one of her eyebrows. Given I lost both of mine but I think this was a bit harsh. But with Dust no longer needing me for the evening, Luna dismissed me. It was too late to do what I needed to do and still get a half decent night's sleep. I did have to skip my nightly training for this so may as well get that in if nothing else.
Nopony was in the castle's gymnasium at this hour as always. It's how I like it. Nopony wants to spar with me anyways so at least now it's quiet. I grab my usual training lance to start and get up on two legs in front of the training dummy. With quick efficiency I land dozens of jabs, slaps, slashes and stabs with the lance in random order. I keep it up for about two minutes before I get the feeling that something is coming from behind. I turn my head along with most of my body to find a lance coming at me. I side step the projectile and use the attacking end of my lance to force it to the ground. I look up to see who through it very disappointed to see who threw it.
"So you are the one I heard about." Swift said walking in wearing her armor.
Shit I have to respect her. I stand up straight and salute. "Ma'am."
"As you were." she said waving me off quickly.
"I assume you're expecting an apology for last night Captain?"
"Oh you really are the one I heard about."
"With all due respect what do you mean by that?"
"Well despite what went on last night I remember hearing you were a soldier from Dust. I started to think of a pony I heard was some incredible hard ass who was one of those, I've seen some shit , types." she said as she walked towards me.
"And?"
"And I noticed you were wearing metal boots, and that you're wearing a bit more than that right now."
She was right, more of my legs showed in my armor. But I'm impressed that she noticed my hoofs at all when most ponies just focused on why I wore cloths. "Again Captain, what does this have to do with anything?"
"I started looking for ponies who were in combat and lost a hoof or two. And with a name like yours it wasn't hard. I probably should've known better."
What? "What?"
"I read your file Lunarus, and I had no idea. If it-"
"No."
"Excuse me?" she asked pissed I just cut her off.
"Ma'am, I don't care what rank you are I'm not going to let you finish that sentence. I don't need any of what you're going to say."
"And how do you know what I'm going to say?"
"Cause I got enough of it in the hospital. Now if you'll excuse me I got training to do."
"Like that?"
"Excuse me?"
She smirked at me. "You call that training? Anypony can hit a piece of wood stuck in the ground."
"Well I can't get anypony to spar so if y-"
"I'll spar with you."
"Pardon me Captain?" I say remembering we were still in uniform.
"I'll spar." Swift took another lance out of the rack with her magic.
"I spar without magic."
"I can see that." She said with a chuckle.
"With all due-"
"-Respect Captain but I won't unless you do. I get it now shut up and get ready Lieutenant." she said getting on the closest sparing mat.
She got up on two hoofs and grabbed her lance in her front left. I make my way onto the black mat with a large white circle going all the way around.
"Should we play by the rules?" she asked.
"Nothing that could kill, no ring outs and submission only."
"Fine by me." She took her stance, the standard guard stance for earth ponies and pegasi.
The lance level and the pointy bit aimed at the pony they wish to do harm to. Her hoofs were far apart and her weight was kept low to the ground. I chuckled under my breath seeing the classic stance. It may have been good for attack but it never offered anything in terms of defense. Then again that was the Equestrian Military Strategy for a long time. Ponies just steam rolling over nature and not caring. Ancient history now but something I had to know for the tests for some reason.
I get onto the mat and take my stance. Left hoof forward with my lance pointed at the ground to my right. The shaft rested against the back of my foreleg. This was my preferred stance. Deceivingly open but very good for defense if you could keep up. And I can keep up. Swift raises an eyebrow at my stance and starts slowly shuffling to my right. She knew better than to make the first move. But in my stance there was no chance of me making an effective first move so I have to wait. I slowly start stepping in turn with her. She was slowly closing the gap as I kept to the edge of the white circle. Normally I'd just let the pony trying ring out but without that option I was going to have to be ready.
As soon as I made a step across with my left she lunged at me, the tip pointed at my chest. I let the weight off my right hindleg and spin counter clockwise. With the front half, I deflect the head of her lance up and away from me. I make a solid step forwards with my right hoof and start to swing the end of lance counter clockwise with my body and take hold of the shaft with my other hoof. I bring the blunt end to bear and land a strong jab at her left side. The wooden shaft hit squarely under her ribs. The leather and chainmail soaked up most of the impact but it wouldn't make it hurt any less.
The hit was strong enough to cause her to stumble back clutching her side. No doubt her protection didn't make it hurt less. But that seemed to only make her angrier. This time she tried to come at me with a long swing to keep me out of reach. The swing was coming from my right and over the head at an angle. I quickly straighten up the lance and block near the spearhead. Swift's attack only bounced off with a wooden twang. I quickly spin my lance clockwise and knock the tip further away. In what looked like a single fluid motion with the lance's spin, I take a full turn and land a reverse kick to her chest to knock her back and away from me. She stopped for a second to get her grip on the lance again and change her stance.
I return to my original stance while Swift takes a slightly more unorthodox stance with the lance in her right hoof with her left out front ready to block or grab. If they were real lances then blocking would require a shield and that's something that haven't been in circulation since the unification of the pony tribes. Damn… what'd they call it, battle fatigue? It caused sporadic thoughts and at times flashbacks. I've had the flashbacks and nightmares under control but the thought jumping was a much harder to keep a handle on.
Swift noticed my laps and took the opening and lunged at me. The lance slid forward in her hoofs to force some reach. I didn't catch the move quickly enough to deflect so I side step with the lance only passing a few inches from my head. I don't give her anything to work with. I return the favor with a trust of my lance in the same general location. She follows my move and backs off. I do a full 360 spin with the lance as far away from me as I can get it. The swing was meant to keep her back and it worked, she jumps back a foot and I bring the shaft of the lance to the back of my neck and make two aggressive thrusts to make sure she keeps that distance. She gets out of the ring and off the mat.
She's a crafty one. Swift grabs the bottom of the mat with the tip of her lance and does everything in her power to lift it up the mat and throw me off balance. Unfortunately for me she's stronger than the average unicorn. The mat came up and I had to stumble back to avoid falling on my ass. She threw the mat to the side and charged at me. She thrust the lance, not an attack but something to push me back. Sadly I wasn't willing to play that kind of game. I side step and start a charge. I try and get a thrust in but she moves over and grabs the shaft and tries to drag me into the tip of hers. I do the same but push.
Suddenly we're doing a dance. A push and pull of the lances caused an equal movement of the hoofs to keep balance, it looked like a strange foreign waltz for soldiers. It was one that could get somepony killed but in a one on one fight it was much safer. We even did a little twirl when she tried to wrench my lance out of my hoof. A motion I didn't take kindly to. Time to stop holding back. I pull as hard as I can and she ends up being forced to let go of my lance or else she risks a dislodging of her shoulder. Once I let her go, she tried to bring her lance over her head and just flat out whack me with it.
My lance was still behind her. I use it to stop her lance and lock my left foreleg around the shaft as I forced her against my chest. Her lance was locked behind her and she was locked against me. I just had to apply the pressure and get her to give in. I pull hard and she winces as her forelegs stretch from holding the lance. There was a spot on the back of Royal Guard armor that was meant to move with the shoulders by a hinge. Putting constant and exact pressure on it caused a lot of pain as it pushed against the vertebra. She struggled against the hold but against my chest she wasn't going anywhere unless she let her weapon go. It seemed she was very against that as she kept trying to pull her lance free.
In response I started pulling harder on my lance and she started doing the same. I wasn't very comfortable with her as close as she was. I think she was taking advantage of it. She was looking at me concerned like I was really hurting her but she signed up for this. She sounded like she was panicking, trying to play to some kind of sympathy I had. Was she? It was too late for me to lighten up, my paying attention to her made me overlook the creaking sound coming from my lance's shaft. It snapped with a… well snap. Swift was quick, she threw her hooves around the back of my neck with her lance as leverage and put a knee in my gut. No matter how good a soldier you are, getting hit doesn’t hurt any less.
She landed two more before I could get any advantage. She tried getting one on my face but I had enough time to slip out of her hold when she had to change her hold on my neck. I hadn't let go of the pieces of lance she let me break, I shoved her back and stood ready as if wielding two short swords. The spear head was in my right and the lower half of the shaft was in my left for defense. Wasn't my favorite type of fighting style but it would have to do for now. Yet another style older than anypony in my known ancestry. I guess if she was going to be pulling ancient history on me may as well return the favor.
She thrust at me and I cross the shafts just behind the head of the lance. I push it off to the left and roll around it and land a strong elbow to her left shoulder near the neck, armored or no it's a very sensitive area to get hit. Especially with armored stainless steel plating as an elbow. She grabbed her shoulder and staggered back. It wasn't far enough. I use the left half to hit her across the face, stunning her for a moment. I hit her in the stomach with the blunt end causing her to hunch over. Behind her I see the mat she tossed away. I take my opening, I drop the lower half of the shaft and bum rush her.
I pick her up with my shoulder and slammed her down onto the mat with the wooden blade at her throat. She was looking up at me with a look of surprise, her cut open cheek slightly swollen and bleeding.
"You certainly live up to your reputation." She said trying to catch her breath.
"I aim to please." I say. For some reason I didn't take the lance head away. "What is my reputation anyways?"
"Stone cold, unbreakable, arrogant, and very reclusive. But as much negatives there is in your file there's just as much praising you. An outstanding service record for only two years and commendations from Princess Luna herself. It doesn't get much more positive."
"Negatives usually outweigh the positives. What made you think they wouldn't now?"
"I had to be sure. People that pick drunken messes off the floor and keep them from making more mistakes aren't the kind to let things like that be in the way. I wanted to know if the pony writing it just didn't like you."
"And?" I still hadn't taken the lance head out of her throat.
"And you're certainly not the kind to leave somepony on the side of the road like I thought you would." She reached up and put her hoof on the one holding the blade to her throat. I'd missed her silvery blue eyes.
Behind her calmness I could see what she saw in mine, the thing I've seen in everypony that came back from deployment. A fire, something that could spill over if the right buttons were pushed. For her it seemed her glass was about as full as mine. Well relatively speaking. My glass was much deeper but she at least wasn't lying about understanding last night. I can't feel through my legs but she starts pushing my hoof away from her neck, I drop the end of the lance off to the side and let my weight off of her chest. I'm now half standing over her, practically nose to nose. I'm starting to get that uncomfortable pit in my stomach again. I start to stand up fully but she doesn't let go.
"Can you please let me go?" I asked quietly.
"It wasn't just the alcohol… I really saw it. You're stone on the outside but I knew I saw something softer in there."
"What'd you mean?"
"I see it in your eyes, compassion-"
"Stop. I don't need sympathy."
"I'm not offering sympathy. I asked Dust why she brought you, and she said what Princess Luna said. I just want to be your sparring partner."
"That's it? So more of this?"
"Same time every week. I just want to try and be your friend."
"That's it?"
"Yeah, sound alright? You need a partner and I need something to do other than drink."
Well helping her keep her job is certainly something I could do but A.L.I.S. needs some TLC, something I don't have time for if I'm sparing with one pony after helping another try and pick out a wine. Then after all that I still have to study wines and such to help Dust find what she'll want out of Canterlot's Wine Cellar. But I won't get better if I don't train with somepony and she's certainly a challenge and I could use somepony like that. She could use it too… Not that she's a bad fighter but anypony could use improvement.
I'm going to regret this. "Alright fine, I have business when I get off but just be here at the same time tomorrow and not on weekends and we'll spar." I say getting up and holding out a hoof.
She smiled at me, something I'm still not sure I'm accustomed to seeing, and took my hoof. I helped her up and she once again gets in my personal space, but not very far. "I'll see you tomorrow night Lunarus."
"It's Lunar if you have to use my first name. If not just call me Nexus."
"Alright Nexy." she said smirking. I'm going to regret this. "I'll see you then. And try not to break anything next time Lieutenant."
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
It'd been a long week. Not just Luna's study but even Nexus'! There are a lot of oil stains on the floor for some reason, why would computer circuits need oil? Regardless, annoying Nexus with the wines is payback enough. Though he's been… happier? I can't really tell, I think he's more complacent than happy. He's smiling at jokes so maybe he is happier? Either way, I'm liking him more. Tonight he's been kind of off though, well normal for him but off by the standards of the last few days. We were sitting in the stone brick cellar for about an hour now, we'd gotten to the end of the two hundred year old wines and were getting ready to start the chardonnays. He was about to pop the quark on the first bottle, only fifty years old, I grabbed the one spare glass Luna insisted he bring and put a hoof on the bottle.
"Why don't we sample this one." I say wiggling the glass.
"I don't drink." He said dumping the wine bucket down a drain.
"You don't or you haven't?"
"Don't. I've had a pina colada and hard cider before. I just don't like alcohol very much."
"Well I'm not asking you to get drunk Nexus. I'm just asking you to sit down and have one glass with me."
He looks skeptical. "Why?"
"Well I haven't been exactly nice to you. I guess you know that." He rolled his eyes at me. "Come on. One drink, that's it. Sit." I tell him patting the floor next to me.
Nexus sighed and sat down. I smile and pull the bottle out of his magic thingy. He didn't seem like he wanted to fight me like usual. What was up with him today?
"So how are things going Nexus?"
"Going." he said as I poured him his drink.
"Okay, you can't expect me to accept that. Come on, take a sip and talk to mama."
"Okay Ms. Storm-"
"And enough of that Miss bull. My name's Dust. Say it with me, Duh-st." I say say making sure to put emphasis on the "U".
"Okay, Dust," I smile when he said my first name. "I'm still doing what I usually do."
"Aside from guarding Princess Luna and planning in your doom fortress of a study what exactly do you do?" I pour my own as he pauses to consider his words.
"Well…" He starts swirling the drink. "I…."
"Spill it or chug it."
"Isn't that like a party foul for college kids?"
"It is. I was in Art School and that's what we did when we thought somepony was sleeping with somepony else. We'd figure it out either way by the end of the night."
"And you think I'm sleeping with somepony?"
"No." He raised an eyebrow at me. "What? It shouldn't be a surprise for me to think you don't get any. Especially from wh- oh you thought I-"
"What NO! AND NO!"
"I didn’t mean it like that! God no… I think her sister would have your head if you did."
He looked like he was about to yell again then he thought about it. "Yeah she probably would."
I giggle and he smiles. He kind of had a nice smile. "Alright, talk or chug."
"Ugh… you won't believe it when I tell you this but I'm a C.E.O. when I'm not here or with Luna."
"C.E.O.? You're right I don't believe you."
"Well if you heard what it was then you wouldn't believe me even more." he took a sip and cringed.
"I thought you said you've drank before."
"I said I had a pina colada and a hard cider. That's it. I've drank but I don't like it that much. Besides I had a feeling I wouldn't like chardonnay anyways."
"So what's this company that I'm sure is totally real?" I start taking a sip of my glass.
"It's Lunarus Corp. I'm the C.E.O. of Lunarus Corp Prosthetics."
"Uh… Yeah I think I heard about that in some magazine. A little boy got a leg paid for by a Wonderbolt."
"Yeah, Wind Rider. Good guy but a bit shady if you ask me."
"So you're the C.E.O. of that company?"
"Founder and head designer."
"You? You created the prosthetic leg?"
"The kind that actually moves and works exactly like an normal leg yeah. I did."
"I don't believe you. I mean you seem smart, you had a book on computers and shit but there is no way you did that."
"Really?"
"What?"
"I get I wear cloths most of the time but in just my armor? When they're completely visible?"
What the hell is he talking about? He's wearing leg armor right n- Wait… His armor is different than normal guards, at least Luna's. If that's not armor th- Nexus took his boot off and showed his hoof to me. He bends and turns it like a normal hoof but it's made of scratched but still shining, silvery metal.
"All four of 'em. I'm a quadruple amputee."
"Oh my god… Wh-"
"Not for you to know."
"I…If you don't have legs then how di-"
"I had the basic idea before I lost my legs but I didn't take it seriously until I actually needed them. I had somepony make the first one and I made the rest once I could use it."
"B-"
"These are the second version I made. The originals were only good enough to move. These enhance my natural strength instead of mimic it."
"How do they work?"
"It's uh… complicated. I can't get my Mother to understand so I'm not gonna even try. I'm not saying you're dumb or anything it's just it's advanced magic and engineering that took me years to understand." I took a sip.
"No I get it. I don't think I could even if I had a degree in geek." I take another sip after he finished.
"I don't actually have a degree in anything."
"You're joking! What are you some super genius?"
"No. I'm not good with math not really building machines. I had to have somepony make the first leg and I just copied what they did."
"So what about them? They get a cut?"
"Yeah, he's chief engineer. He gets half of all the profits. Hasn't done anything with them but he's happy with his little machine shop."
"That's good." I could say that again. At least he's not screwing people over.
"So what about you? You said you were in Art School?"
"Yeah, I was." I sit up a bit so he can see my feather duster and paint brush cutie mark. "I was trying to be a painter but I d- had to drop out."
Nexus raised an eyebrow. "Why? Run out of money?"
"No… My mom's very well off and my dad's a captain on the police force here in Canterlot. Money wasn't a problem but… I really wasn't enjoying it. So after a year I dropped out and found a job as a maid here until I figured out what I wanted to do."
"Hm. Good plan I guess. Mind if I see what you got?"
"What?"
"I have respect for artists. I can only make technical drawings so I'd like to see what a real artist can do."
"Um…" What do I say to that!? I haven't painted in almost two years! And forget drawing! Drawing would be faster… Why am I considering this? I can just show him something from school. Problem solved! "Sure. I'll send a letter to my parents to send me something from school."
"No." Shit. "I want something new. Besides I took art in school, no soul in being told what to make"
"Uh… " Shit. What am I going to do now!? I just agreed to it. "Anything specific you want me to draw?"
"Like I said, make whatever you want however you want. Drawl, pain, needlepoint crochet, I don't care. I just want to see what got you that mark."
"I did a painting of my parent's maid when I was bored. And my work station was always clean before everypony else. My teachers said I was the cleanest artist they'd ever seen."
"Well prove it. Find something to draw…" He looked off to the side for a second, pondering I think. "And I'll show you what I've been working on in my spare time. And I'll have it finished."
"Time limit?"
"Hmmm…" He smirked at me. I don't like the look of that face he's giving me.
"Two weeks. And I want it to be as good as something you'd turn into a professor."
"Okay… If you want it that fast then I need a subject matter."
He made a pondering look again. "A pony. Whoever you want. Just have it done by this time in two weeks."
Oh that ass! A pony made in college level quality in two weeks! "Alright. But let me sweeten the deal. If I finish my painting before you get whatever you're doing done and working like it should I'll choose my two bottles and we don’t' have to do this again."
"And if you win?"
I hold for a moment. What could I get out of him. He's got some money, maybe I could make his wallet hurt? Not bankrupting him but something expensive. I could use a treat for making a quality painting in two weeks anyways. "You take me to a restaurant of my choice and I get whatever I want.
"Alright, it's a deal." Nexus held out a hoof.
"Nope. Chug on it." I smile and put my glass up for a toast. "May the best pony win."
Nexus groaned and clinked glasses with me. "May the best pony win." he repeated.
I throw my head back and try and down the whole glass as fast as I can. I do get half down in one gulp but I have to hold the other half for a second so I could catch my breath. I shake my head and find Nexus holding back a cough. I have to cover my muzzle with my hoof to try and stop from laughing. He finally gave up and let out a raspy, hacking cough.
"I hate you sometimes…" He said sitting up straight still coughing slightly.
"I know. Let's call it a night. We can take a break until we're done with our work."
"Deal. I'll show you out."
Well that went well. I would've gone straight to my room and gotten to work but I don't like standing ponies up on a regular thing without letting them know what was happening. I did have enough time before training to change out of my armor. The whole time I had to fight my with my temptation to just get straight to work. I grabbed my computer technician's book before leaving for the gym. I arrived about ten minutes before Swift would usually get there and sat down on one of the benches near the entrance. I started rereading the chapter on basic programming and simple commands and was about to start the reading the first command all computers need, start up commands, when I heard the clatter of Swift's armor as she jogged in. She saw me and raised her brow seeing me out of my armor.
"Oh so you wanna play like that eh?" she said lighting up her horn.
All the clasps and screws on her armor came undone and in one motion she slipped the plating off and even somehow got her chainmail off. I hadn't really paid attention when we were at the bar that one night but her feminine figure wasn't quite as feminine as I thought it'd be. The usual smooth physique of a mare was accented by the curve of superb muscle tone, something mares avoided to avoid looking too masculine because that's what the magazines told them to do this week. That is if they gave a crap. I also hadn't noticed her shooting star cutie mark.
"It's not that, though you'd lose to me without armor."
"Care to put your money where your mouth is then?"
"I made a bet with Dust."
"Dust? You mean the mare you've been complaining about for a week? Why would you make a bet with her?"
"Well it might get me out of having to help her in the cellar again."
"She make you chug on it?"
"Yes."
"I thought that was against the agreement wasn't it."
"It was one glass and it's not something I want to do again."
"So what is this bet anyways?" Swift asked walking over and sitting down next to me.
"I have to finish A.L.I.S. and she has to make me a picture of a pony in two weeks. If I win she picks her wines. And if she wins I have to take her to dinner at what I'm going to assume is the most expensive restaurant she can think of in Canterlot."
"Ah, yeah she got Martini with something like that. Same wager different means. She bet that Martini couldn't go a week without alcohol. Her side was she had to see if she could get somepony in a bar wearing her maid uniform."
"I'm guessing she won? Filthy maids are a fetish aren't they?"
"They are but most ponies don't go to a bar wearing it. That kind of repels ponies. But Dust actually lost. Martini sustained herself on salt licks but went on a day long party binge. Found some frat house at Canterlot U and had to have her stomach pumped."
"Oh… She's alright now right?"
"Yeah she only gets drunk at parties twice a month instead of every weekend. I might not be an expert but you want some help?"
"No. She'll be doing it on her own so so do I."
"You said it won't be up and running for at least another two months."
"Well I just need to get her to start up and store something. I don't know what she'll store yet but I was just thinking a couple of birthdays."
"April 16th 1036." Swift said.
"I guess you want it on the hard drive?"
"If it helps beat Dusty then yeah. I'd be more than happy to put my birthday in A.L.I.S.' memory banks."
"Alright then. April 16th 1036. I'll be sure to get it right."
"Good. Just be warned, when you come back, I'm going to kick your ass to the base of this mountain." she said getting up.
"We'll see about that." I say getting up as well. "I better get to work."
"I'll be checking on you. Can't have you fall into those habits that got you stuck with Dust can we?"
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
Okay this has been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I couldn't find a model. I didn't have the time to hire a professional and the only other pony I tried to get to pose was Martini and she can't sit still for ten seconds. It's been three days and so far I've painted over the same canvas three times and resigned to try and paint myself. Then something dawned on me. Guards stand still for hours on end. And maybe I can get slow Nexus down a bit. I throw all of my supplies on my back, easel, canvas, paints of the primary colors as well as black and white, brushes and hot water to for the brushes. I find my way to the quarters I'd been working in for a few weeks and knock on the door.
"No visitors." Nexus called from the other side.
"It's Dust, open up you grouch."
The door glowed the same way Nexus' horn did and it opened. He was hunched over his workbench like the night we met. He was out of his armor and not wearing anything but a necklace from the looks of things. At least he had the lights on this time.
"Still not locking it?"
"Anypony that wants to do harm to me has a death wish. Here to concede?"
"Nope." I walk in and shut the door behind me. "You're going to be my model."
He sat up and looked over his shoulder. "Pardon?"
"You heard me. You're going to be my model like it or not. You can keep working but you've got to sit as still as you can."
"Working with circuits is slow work but you'll have to let me move about to actually test it once in awhile." he tells me as I start setting up to the left side of his work bench.
"And that's alright with me, just don't move a lot without telling me. What made you pick me anyways?"
"Well guards are trained to not move for hours. I figured you were a better choice than Swift and I didn't really want to get to know you better. Maybe you get to know me a bit better too."
Nexus shot me an eyebrow and I just roll my eyes back at him. I set up a fresh canvas and grabbed a pencil before he gets back to work. Before he does he notices the 4B pencil I was holding in my teeth.
"I thought you were doing a painting?" he asked.
"I am. I just need to get the pencil lines of your body and some of your bench so I can do some work when I'm not here."
"Alright, don't complain when my hoofs move."
"I'll be doing your hoofs first." I start laying out the first few lines of the table and his hoofs.
Doing the hoofs first was partly an artistic choice but I mostly couldn't stop looking at them. I'd never seen him completely without armor. The metal went all the way up his leg and even covered part of his chest. His hindlegs were lucky by comparison, only going up to the mid thigh. Just past the plates, I saw the ends of a couple of scars.
"So… Never seen you like this… Exposed and all…"
"I don't like to show them off. Ponies always stare. So I either keep my armor on or wear something over it all." He said not looking up from his work.
Still not looking up, he levitated a large green piece of… something stiff, from his shelf. He set it down and used his magic again to slide a box of strange, thin metal sheets. They were thin form how thick they were and how wide they were. At bend points and the ends there were circles with holes in the middles.
"What are you doing anyways?"
"I won't ruin the surprise but this is a circuit board for a computer. It's essential to making mine work."
"What'd you mean make it work?" I ask getting the basic outline of his hoofs down.
"Well let's say the main function of my computer hinges on several of these boards. I need to make sure it won't burst into flames. At least instantly." He said glancing over to a sheet of paper with about ten of those circle parts on a rectangle.
"That's reassuring." I say starting on the table.
"All computers get hot when they're working. They have a lot of electricity going through them so it makes sense they'd get hot. There's normally a whole room dedicated to computers that do what I want and another room to pump cold air into it. What I'm trying to do is make it fit into a closet and let a few fans…. Oh I'm an idiot!" He said sitting up with a wide eyed smile.
"What?"
"Hold what you're doing!"
Nexus shot up and went to the closet next to the room doorway to the other room. He threw open the door. I saw rack upon rack of those circuit boards in the darkness. He threw on a light and I saw fans up along the ceiling next to the light bulb.
"I've been thinking of this all wrong! I've been trying to circulate air hoping it'd keep the boards cooler. But! The one thing nobody's ever actually done is just pump the air out. If I can just get permission to lower the ceiling a few inches…." He started trailing off.
"Um… That's great and all but could you sit back down?"
"Oh… Sorry. It's just how I work." He came back and sat down at the table. "I get an idea and I have to think on it before it flies out of my head. One more second so I can write it down?"
This was incredible. He was as giddy as a school boy. I never thought I'd see him smile so wide and I've only known him for a few weeks. The way he was eagerly awaiting my answer was exactly like little cosine begging me to play some stupid card game with him.
"Hurry up. I can only draw the outline of a desk for so long before it gets excessive." I tell him as I sketch out the closest leg of the work bench.
He hurries to flip the paper with the picture of the circuit board and write something down with gusto. I don't pay attention to it but I make my own little note for later. I keep sketching his basic posture and head shape as he goes back to work.
"So what about you M- Dust." he asked being in a similar position than when we started. "I get what got you here but you're right, I do want to know a bit more."
"You're just trying to slow me down so I don't finish." I say looking over the canvas. "But if you have to know my mom always wanted me to be an artist. It just happened I was kind of good at it. Nothing really interesting with it."
"Funny, my mother always thought I was stubborn enough to be a lawyer."
I giggle, getting half way through sketching the vague features of his face. Something I picked up as an artist, you never really notice something about somepony until you've been forced to stare at them and understand every detail. He's got a minor case of baby face. He looked a bit younger than… actually that's a good question.
"How old are you anyways?" I asked giving my teeth and jaw a minor break.
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"I don't know. You just look younger than you act."
He sat up. "I do eh? Damn. I'm twenty four."
"Twenty four! No way. You're at least twenty nine, thirty at most."
"I'm twenty four."
"Bull shit. Prove it."
He levitated the chain of his neckl- no, dog tags. He was wearing his dog tags. He levitated them to me and I took them in my hoof.
1st Lt. Nexus, Lunarus S.
Unicorn
M.I.D. 452-46-428
D.O.B. June, 24 1039
E.Q.E.G.
My math might not be the best but it was 1063 and sixty three minus thirty nine was twenty four. "Well I'll be damned… you are twenty four."
"Told you." he said taking them back.
"Hang on," I said trying to hold on to them but failing. I still got a good enough look at what I thought I saw. "Your first name is Lunarus?" I ask as he starts putting the chain back around his neck.
"Yes but don't call me that if you value your tongue. And no I won't tell you why. Just drawl while I work please."
"Alright fine…. what do I call you then?"
"If you gotta use my first name then call me Lunar."
"Sounds a bit too much like Luna."
"Technically it's the same just the male variety."
"So your parents gave you a girl's name?"
"No. It's the male version of Luna and that's what I got. The idea isn't around anymore but it wasn't impossible for people to be named after one of the princesses so someone made male versions. Celestia's is Solaris."
"Know anypony with that name?"
"It's my middle name."
"You're joking!"
"Get back to work!" he complained doing as he said.
I smile to myself and get back to putting his horn in the right place. His mane was going to be a challenge. It was thick and scruffy so it'd make it hard to draw well. Paint won't make it much easier but if I use a thin enough brush it should work out… kind of. His mane did suit him though. Messy but I couldn't see a knot or split end in the bunch, I'd have to figure out what he did with it. With the basic figure worked out, I decide to paint the head and mane last and made a note for that in his head line.
"So back to you." I say finishing my note. "You know about my home life what about you?"
"Good I guess. My dad's a former chariot puller and driver for Princess Celestia, my mom's a play reviewer for the Canterlot Gazette and I'm a soldier. Nothing really remarkable. But it's tradition in my family that at least one kid goes into active service for a while. My dad's dad was a radio operator on the east coast, his mother and her brother where guards, she wore the pants in the family so she kept her name I guess, and as far back as nearly a thousand years they were guards of Canterlot."
"Do you know exactly how far back it went?"
"Yeah. Records go to about 10 years after Nightmare Moon but the last name wasn't readable. His daughter's was. Gilded Heart Nexus, she took the name from her husband and she started the tradition I guess. I don't really know but I don't really need to find out. I'm who I am because it's what I wanted to be, not because of tradition."
"Ah. So they fought Nightmare Moon?"
"Nope, the earliest records show Gilded's father fought for Nightmare Moon."
"Oh…"
"Yeah… So how's the painting coming?"
"I've got the outline of you and the table. So I'm just going to start working on colors so hush. I need to concentrate."
"Alright."
He might not have promised anything but he did as I asked. He didn't say a peep as I started trying to get his exact shade of blue. It was darker than pure blue but also a bit under saturated. I only figured that out when pure black and white weren't making the right tint of his coat. Once I mixed small bit of gray into a re-darkened blue it looked just about as close as I could get it. Nexus shook his head and moved his scraggly mane slightly out of his eyes. This brought a question I didn't bother asking.
"How do you have that much hair? Don't guards have to keep their mane's and tails short?"
"Commander Armor has a little bit less than I do. He hated having his mane cut so short so much before he was Captain of the Guard, that he gave the right to the ponies of an officer rank to have longer hair. So long as it can be hidden under the helmet it's fine. That is if you're not going into combat. If you're going into combat you have to have it cut to military standard no matter your rank."
"You ever have to?"
"I was a Corporal when I was deployed. I didn't have much of a choice. What happened to being quiet?"
"I kind of wanted to know. I don't see many guards with longer manes or tails."
"That's because all standing guards are under the rank of Sergeant. Sergeant First Classes are usually patrolling guards. If they're sitting outside of something it's more important. The more important the thing they're guarding, the higher their rank. Archives are guarded by Lieutenants and the Princesses' towers are guarded by Warrant Officers and Captains. Captain of the Guard guards the Princess herself."
"So what about you? Luna said you were a Lieutenant. And aren't there like, Generals or Colonels?"
"First Lieutenant. It's a rank below Captain. I'm the highest ranking guard in Luna's Evening Guard. And there are ranks above Captain of the Guard but nopony for hundreds of years have been that high of a rank. Nopony really knows why. Celestia has to approve all officers and she hasn't done it for a long time. Technically, she is the only General in Equestria. Luna holds the same rank but again, she doesn't have nearly as many ponies under her command for it to matter I suppose. I'm not a politician so I don't know exactly why."
"Oh. Well that was easy to follow."
"Shut up and paint Dust. We've both got work to do." He said impatiently getting back to work.
I chuckle to myself and put down my pallet knife for a thin paintbrush to outline his body. Once the paint hit the canvas I was right about the little bit of gray I mixed in. It was nearly the perfect. It might've just been the lighting but it certainly looked right. I carefully paint right on the line I drew from the back of his head down his back. I sketched only to about his middle back and that's as far as I painted his outline for now. I might not actually be sure how this is going to turn out. I haven't painted a pony in a couple of years. I do still have connections with my art professor but I'm not sure if they'd actually give an opinion. Only time would tell I guess. The rest of our evening was spent in silence.
Around eleven o'clock I called it a night. I'd painted a rough outline of his torso and started his table before I was really starting to push it. I packed up everything, saving my paints and covering the canvas to keep the paints from getting ruined by anything. He kindly bid me goodnight and I left as he started a test. He was begging for it to work as I shut the door behind me. Part of me wanted to see it working out of curiosity and so I could see him get giddy again. It was funny seeing him that happy. But from just looking at him I think he deserves some happiness.
Being a model sucks. I have a compulsion to move around more when I'm working. I know she doesn't know that but it's really making things hard. We're a full week in and I've hardly gotten the first board even done. And half of that closet is taken up by the start up system and an organization matrix. I think half the system accommodating memory is a little low for what I want but for now it'll have to do. I ran a quick test of the startup commands as soon as I got home but without the ventilation system ready it won't be able to run for long. Luna's a little iffy on my idea to lower my ceiling. Considering I deepened my "hall" closet by three feet to try and accommodate more hardware I think it's fair to say I'm pushing my connection with Luna.
I could connect it to the castle's air ducts but it'd be running hot all day and I don't think anypony would like that. I could just take over the vent near my balcony doors but again, pushing my connection with Luna. As of right now I have to plug in the actual digital chips for the memory across most of the board. I really am stretching the capabilities of the tech at my disposal. These chips were meant to really only hold enough data to work a robotic arm at the least. I could charge it with magic but the issue comes up for user friendliness. Not all ponies are unicorns so it has to work for everypony in the factories.
I just started soldering the last chip onto the circuit board there's a knock at my door. I light my horn and open the door without looking over my shoulder.
"Still working in the dark are we?" Swift called from my door.
She flipped the light switch and the whole room lit up. I never really loved the design of this apartment. There was only one bathroom and it was upstairs in my bedroom. The large corbel vault upstairs didn't feel like it was where somepony should be living. That coupled with the marble floor made sound just bounce around up there. I preferred it down here with just the two large columns in both the front "foyer" and the sitting room. But even then I didn't like the whole room in general. The walls, carpet, and ceiling were white. The top and bottom of the columns and the trim around the floor were all yellow. I was going to ask if I could paint the walls and dark blue and make the trim white but it was either that or the expansion of the downstairs closet.
"This room is too white." I say not looking up from the board.
"I like it."Swift said trotting up behind me and looking over my shoulder, just barely in my personal space like she really liked to be. "How's it coming?"
"Well it didn't burst into flames the other night. So I just need to make sure it won't with the chips on it."
"Why can't you just make a bigger chip?"
"I would if I had the budget. I only have so much to use and I need it to be affordable. And I'm on the knife edge of that as it is."
"Well I think it'd be easier if you just ordered them special made."
"These are special made. I've got it down to a closet and a half to hold four machines worth of information."
"In theory."
"And almost in practice. I worked it out. If I can fit six birthdays on a full three hundred and sixty five and a half day calendar in the memory matrix I would have doubled the memory space for a single computer while making the physical space significantly smaller."
"Yeah yeah. But you still need it to not explode."
"To win the bet it just has to not explode through the startup, show the calendar and show the birthdays on a standard calendar."
"That's a long list considering your knowledge of computers."
"I know…" I say leaning back. "And I can't ask for help."
"Why's that?"
"Cause it doesn't take two ponies to make a single painting."
"Sometimes it does."
"Not the size Dust is doing. It's not much bigger than what you'd assume would be the stereotypical artist's canvas. But like I said I have one week to get this working and…" I plug the power source into the port and hook the other end into a sensor.
I run the standard amount of power through it and watched it carefully. The flow was holding at around the right level. The more power that it just hangs onto the more it heats up. With the hopefully added bonus of fans pumping the hot air OUT rather than pumping cold air in. Maybe during the winter I reverse the fan and pump cold air in and try it then but for now I had to make sure it would work. From behind I hear the door come open but I can't risk looking up. It doesn't feel like danger so it must've b-
"Oh hi Swift!" Dust said happily closing the door behind her. "What are you doing here?" She asked as I hear her trotting up to her usual spot.
"Just dropping by to make sure he's not cheating on your little bet."
"You come up here often? I haven't seen you when I come up here."
"Well you're never this early." I interject.
"Early? Oh. Princess Luna's study was cleaner. By her standards anyways. And other than those stains under the table you're pretty clean. So I decided to leave a bit earlier."
Great, two mares constantly trying to talk to me… That was more antisocial than I thought it'd be. But regardless I refuse to look up.
"Mind if I see how it looks?" Swift asks.
"Sure!"
Out of the corner of my eye I see her set down all of her things and uncover the canvas she'd been painting on. Swift stepped out from behind me and took her look at the canvas.
"Where's his head?"
"I'm doing that last. I was never good at painting or drawing heads."
"Well the rest of it looks really good. Especially this part here." she said motioning towards something on the canvas.
Most of it was painted so I couldn't really see exactly what she was talking about.
"Yeah I took a few hours on that last night. I like how it came out."
"You should."
"Alright, back off. I need to work."
"Fine Ms. Pushy."
Dust finished setting up and she had to wave Swift off again. Swift snorted at her and Dust playfully stuck her tongue out at her. I hear her clamp her teeth down on a brush but I kept as ridged as I was when they'd walked in. I kept monitoring the power going out and it had gone down slightly. I need to keep watching it. It goes down another two volts. It goes down another four it'll have a chance of melting. Then again the chips might combust before the board itself.
It goes down another. I light up my horn and try and use some minor wind magic to pull air up to the bottom without blowing on it and bringing moisture into the mix. It worked well enough. My elemental magic wasn't very good but the air moved past it at least. The number didn't move for a full five minutes before it went up another point. That was exactly what I was hoping for. I feel my lips curl in a smile. It was exactly what I was hoping it'd do. It wasn't a big change, it would usually go down two volts in about the same time but with it running just moving air was certainly doing something.
"I assume something good is happening?" Swift asked looking over my shoulder.
"Yes it is. Oh yes yes yes it is!" I say feeling glee starting to well up in my chest. "Right! Now all I have to do is replicate this four more times and I might be able to get the first function to work without bursting into flames!" I sit up and disconnect the memory board from the battery and sensor.
I quickly trot over to the computer and slide the first cabinet of circuit boards to the left. I am beyond I added that sliding rail feature into those. Made for easier access. With A.L.I.S. still inactive for now the room was much cooler than it would be normally, or indeed at all. Once she's up and running she'll be running hot and only be able to stay on for a few hours at a time. Hopefully with that leap forwards I can get actual funding to make it. I won't sell her to anypony but she'll be patented up the ass!
I connect the wires to the right places and carefully make my way out so I don't accidentally knock the first hanging cabinet down in excitement. The ventilation will still be an issue but I know I can make it work with the right amount of persuasive words I'm sure I can get Luna to sign off on letting me close off the vent going to the balcony. I'll reroute it to under the balcony to keep the hot air out. It might be good in winter but it smelled so that was certainly out. Once I put the first cabinet back into place I practically feel myself skip to the workbench to keep working.
"I don't think I've ever seen him this happy." Swift said mockingly leaning on Dust's right shoulder.
"You get use to it. He gets like this every time he hits an idea that could work." Dust said, her teeth still clenching the brush.
"It's kind of cute."
That pit came back once Swift said that. I really don't like being flirted at. At least I think that was flirting? Was it? My knowledge on the subject of anything vaguely in the direction of romance was vastly limited. I had a girlfriend in high school and it did get… kind of serious but even back then I wasn't very good with picking up on her flirting with me or even flirting back. I've mostly avoided the subject and to be honest I'll continue to do it until… Well I don't know, thinking like that wasn't conducive to a good working mindset. I shove the idea of flirting out the fifth story window of my mind and get straight into making another circuit board.
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
I hate hate hate hate hate HATE painting heads. They're so damn hard to get right. I've got a day left and I've barely even got his face right. The eyes are too big and too low and his mane is just too spiky. Changing it was going to be hard enough. For some reason I always had this problem, the placement of eyes on the face were always my downfall. The rest of him looked pretty good and so did the details on what he was doing. I only did those 'cause I was just trying to keep myself from having to do his goddamn face! I really didn't like his mane overlapping his eye but that was how it kind of was. A few strands or locks would always be in his face unless he was wearing another damn hat. He needs a haircut, I'll hold him down and give it to him myself if I have to.
He's been making leaps and bounds in his project while I'm still stuck on how exactly his mouth should look. Last I saw he had his screen installed and he was tapping away at a keyboard doing something. At least he had that simile on his face, made the front half a bit easier for me to get done. It was always the back that got me though. Now I have to sit and fake painting while Nexus is actually doing something productive. I kind of want to spill my hot water on his keyboard to fuck him over. It's what they do in movies so maybe it'll work? No, that's just a dick move. This is like his life's work. What would that make me if I just took it away from him? A bitch that's what.
I knock on his door and it glows orange. Swift opened it from the workbench wh- Oh shit. She's touching him. Swift had her hooves crossed on one of his shoulders looking at what he was doing. I don't believe it! What happened? Why is he letting her touch him!? I doubt he even lets his mother do something like that! Calm down, don't go throwing shit like that out now Dust. There's probably a very reasonable explanation to this.
"Looks like somepony's gotten comfy." I say trying to hide how uncomfortable I was.
"He is oddly comfy." Swift replied.
"I'm honestly not going to ask you again Swift, get off of me." Nexus demanded as I set my easel up.
"Ugh, fine you big Grump." Swift said slightly annoyed.
She unfolded her hoofs and shoved off of him.
"I just need to concentrate. I think I've got the whole calendar almost done."
"And me just sitting on your soldier like a parrot is distracting?"
"It makes it harder to type now stay down and away from my shoulder."
"Fine… So how's this go- oh that's nice!" Swift said getting on my shoulder instead. It was kind of nice to have seen her sober so often. She was…. kind of sweet.
"Yeah, I'm kind of proud of it." I say pulling out the plastic containers with the last colors I had used.
"I really like the face."
"Thanks, I don't think I do faces very well."
"Well stop thinking that, it looks great."
"Thanks."
"What part of focus don't you understand?" Nexus says getting as snappy as he always does when things aren't working the way he hoped.
"Picky tonight aren't we Nexus?" I asked preparing my paints.
"He lost some data last night." Swift informed me.
"Well if someone hadn't decided to type boobs into the main program while I was taking a leak and somehow crashed it, I would be happier."
"I said I was sorry."
"Why boobs ?" I asked.
"Because I didn't have time to find the k to spell knockers before he came back."
"Yes yes I know. And again, hush! Most of this is by memory."
"I don't understand why you're here, if you're finished and all." Swift asked me.
"Well I have a few small details I want to get right."
"What part of hush don't you get ladies?"
That was another first. Not his being snippy, he's always like that while he's working. No, it's the wording he used. 'Ladies' isn't quite the terminology I'd expect from him. If anything he doesn't really refer to us in collective other than "You two" . Just seems… oddly laid back for somepony so busy. Maybe his brain didn't have time to be the Canterlot Proper his Grandmother pounded into him. I take the hint and just go straight to continuing my work. Swift was right about something though, I did catch that look he has well enough. The muzzle was a bit too long, the eye that I could see in the "shot" was kind of strange looking but at this point I didn't care.
I got until tomorrow to do this before I have to concede. Like hell I'm giving up at least a few more trips to the Wine Cellar! One at least. I grab my thinnest brush and dip it in the mix I made for his mane, or at least the second shade I was using for the highlights that came from the desk lamp. I may hate painting it but it's far from ugly. The scruffy and unkempt but somehow still kempt look suited him very well. There was one thing I'd never figured out, and something I'm surprised I didn't notice, was his cutie mark. Honestly it wasn't too bad, his flank anyways. I did like a nice, taught buttocks on my stallions. And his was surprisingly nice. What was the story behind that mark? Could it be something interesting or boring but I actually kind of want to know That blue, winged moon had to have something behind it.
"I never asked you Nexus, what about your cutie mark?" I said.
"What about it?" he replied not looking up from his screen, the green glow faintly visible through the blue of his face.
"A good story behind it?"
"Not really."
"Liar." Swift said.
"He told you?"
"No. I read his file."
"They keep those on file?"
"Yes and shut your mouth Swift." Nexus said actually glancing up for a split second.
"He was six years old,"
"Swift!"
"And a few bullies were picking on one of his friends. While on a field trip to the Canterlot Gardens."
"I'm serious Swift. Shut up."
Ooo this was getting good.
"After kicking one of the boy's noses in, he ran into a much shadier spot in the gardens and used a little dark magic for the first time. I can just imagine him doing a little maniacal laugh after scarring the apple juice piss out of those boys!"
"Oh I would've loved to see that!"
"You don't understand the meaning of stop do you Swift?" Nexus groaned.
"Oh calm down Sweetie. It's just the story of your cutie mark. Not like I gave her your social security number." Swift said rolling her eyes.
"I don't like ponies going around talking about my personal life unless they're my parents. Even then I actually really don't like it. Now back to being quite !" He said looking up at us with an insanely pissed.
I know Swift but right now I'm not sure if she's going to try and push it any further. Considering what I saw at the club when we met, I know I don't want to be around if she pushes it further. She's dangerous on her own, I really don't want to see what they can get into.
"Look," Dust says thankfully keeping me from getting up and throwing her off of the damn tower. "It's been a long couple of weeks so why don't we just calm down and just finish our work."
"Agreed." I say hunching back over my keyboard.
I get back to trying to code June. I need to put in the actual calendar before I put birthdays in it. I was hoping to just deal with the birthdays after I coded out the entire year before putting in the birthdays but I have no time to separate them. I don't like the idea much but I only so much longer I can keep this up before I completely crash. I was working all out before but I wasn't under an absurd time constraint then. The basic layout was much easier, after doing it five times before this, I could crank that bit of code out by pure reflex. The actual coding of the birthday was the biggest problem. Each one is unique and taking some minor trial and error.
I still can't believe Swift just went ahead and told Dust about my cutie mark without my permission! She's getting on my nerves. I know she read my file and all but that does not give her permission to go telling ponies what she's read. She should know how I feel about this by now! I mean I telegraph it don't I? Do I? I'd think telling ponies to leave me alone would be strong enough of a signal to even her to understand. And thanks to that little tiff that almost happened the rest of the night was left in silence. Swift left after she got board and Dust left a few hours later.
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
"DAMN IT!" I shout in rage looking at A.L.I.S.' screen.
Today is the deadline! She'll be here any minute now and I won't be able to fix it. The green lines of the calendar thankfully survived the night but as I switch between all of the months and half of the damn dates were MISSING! I knew I typed them in. I know Mom and Dad's dates were the first I put in and they're gone. Princess Luna's was missing damn it! Given she liked to forget exactly how old she was but I liked getting on her nerves with her age. But damn it! I have no time to put anything back in! It takes about an hour, maybe thirty minutes if I put everything I had into it, for just one date. One date! I got lucky dealing with two weeks but stuffing all of that into two minutes was preposterous!
Then the knock came. Maybe I could lie and say it was only suppose to have a calendar with four birthdays? No, her birthday was missing too… I light my horn and open the door. On the other side, Dust stood uncomfortably. In her hoofs she held the covered canvas she'd been painting on all this time. I don't understand why she's so nervous.
Why does he look so nervous? I'm the one who's not done with the painting. Honestly Swift and Martini don't think so. They think it's more than done and beautiful but the nose is a bit long, the background isn't done at all because I got bored and decided to go out with the girls last night. I hate that I got so distracted. Um…Dust you're still sitting here just staring into the room, get up. I put my painting on my back and walk into his room.
"So… A.L.I.S. finished?" I ask wanting him to answer first.
"Uh… Well…" he sighed and looked anywhere but at me. "I got the calendar up."
"Oh good… Mind if I see?" I asked walking up to the bench. I leant the painting on the left side, away from Nexus.
"Sure… Just… Let me set it for display." He lightly pushed me to the side and quickly typed a few things into it. The screen flashed and the grid of January came up. "Just hit the buttons with the arrows to go up and down."
"Okay…." I sit down in from of the screen and remember I'm shorter than Nexus. I could see the screen just fine but the keys were hard to see. I stand and look over the mass of buttons looking for arrows. "Where are they?"
"Bottom right." he said almost instantly.
I look to the bottom right corner and see the arrows he was talking about. There were four. He said up and down so I put my right hoof on the down arrow. The grid vanished for a split second and came back with February. Admirably I know nothing of computers so I have no idea how hard this actually was but I was very impressed. It looked like it was working.
"Is this this year?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said quickly.
"Okay…" I read through the month and something very obvious was missing. "Where's my birthday?"
"Hm?" He said clearly knowing what I said.
"My Birthday it's not here. February twenty-first, you wrote it down."
"I-I did. And something went wrong with the memory."
"You lost all of the birthdays?"
"Not all. But a bit less than half."
"So does that mean I win?"
"Not yet, let's see the painting." He said holding out his hoof.
I sat back on my haunches and sighed. I knew I wasn't finished, but would he notice? I could just say it was finished couldn't I? He did say he wasn't an artist so maybe he wouldn't know? No… He could've done something like that to me. Memory space or something. I reach over and turn my canvas around against my chest. It was still covered by another sheet of canvas.
"Well?" He asked motioning to the bottom.
I lift the canvas cover and hold my breath.
Well I'm certainly surprised. She hadn't painted in years from what she said but this was impressive. The work bench looked detailed, even a little line of smoke was coming from the soldering iron. The metal on my hoofs looked good and some nice detailing on my mane and coat was very nice. My face was what really surprised me. It may have been slightly long but that wasn't what surprised me, it was my expression. I expected it was me looking down at the board as I soldered with my trademarked focused stare but I was looking up and ahead, my eyes wide and my mouth agape with a massive smile on my face.
"I call it Eureka." Dust said somewhat nervously. "I thought you looked better happy."
"Well you got that right."
"It's not finished. I needed to bring back your muzzle a bit and add a bit more to the table. The board's not detailed enough I got the… pen thing wrong it's just not done."
"Well in my honest opinion you should've stuck with art school. It looks amazing. I didn't think I looked that young but you did a great job."
"Well I'm still not done though. S-" I put up a hoof to stop her before she puts herself down anymore.
"You're done. That means you win Dust."
"What? But you finished the computer."
"I got it finished but it didn't work right. That was the bet."
"You admit I won?"
"Yup. May I sweeten the deal?"
"How exactly?"
"I'll buy desert if you let me keep this."
"You want to keep a picture of yourself? Kind of egotistical isn't it?"
"More for my parents. They don't have a lot of pictures of me as it is so I think a painting would be great. Deal?" I hold out my hoof and she smiles.
"I'll agree if you let me hug you for this."
"A hug? Why?"
"Because I want to hug something out of joy and you're the closest thing. Now come here!" Dust put the painting down and opened her hoofs.
She didn't give me a choice in the matter after that. She wrapped her hoofs around my chest and pulled me in. I put my right around her shoulders. She squeezed me tight and even let out a gleeful squeak.
She let go and hopped up and down a little. "You're really cold you know."
"I let you hug me. That's about as warm and fuzzy as I get."
"No mean your metal. It's actually really cold."
"Well that's not my fault. I can't fix that."
"Somepony as smart as you could probably figure it out. Now, tomorrow, eight o'clock, Chic Aliment, wear something nice." Dust said now cocky.
I roll my eyes and motion for her to leave. She just giggles at me and gave me one more hug before leaving. I look back at the painting and levitate it into view again. I don't care what she thought of it, this was incredible. I look to the corners and find her signature. Her sloppy, sloppy signature. My cousin would like her if he weren't seventeen.
Author's Note
Me: My dog isn't feeling well and is getting me to let her out every hour on the hour.... So I'll probably get a couple of these out before sun up..... yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay........CAUSE I'M BACK! YES I'M BACK! WELL I'M BACK! YES I'M BACK! WELL I'M, BAAAAaaaaaAAAAAHACK! WELL I'M, BAAAAaaaaaAAAAAHACK! Yes I'm back! YES I'M BACK IN BLAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
So I need to dress nice. My formal dress uniform is all I have. I hate that thing. From the dress shirt itself to that devil of a device known simply as the bow tie, I sincerely HATE this thing. The shirt makes me itchy no matter what I wear under it, and I can't cause that's not in uniform, the tie chokes me when it's in regulation and the jacket is far too restricting! I can't move in that thing to save my life. If I ever had to fight in that thing I'd probably end up dead. At least I don't have to have the damn skirt female soldiers had to wear. From what I heard it itched too.
Right after she left my room I went to the restaurant and made an eight o'clock reservation for two at the Chic Aliment. Three hundred Bits per pony! Three hundred Faust damn it! Given, six hundred Bits wasn't a massive shot to my bank account but it certainly scratched it. I check the mirror and see my messy mane in its usual, scruffy state. I don't care how fancy the restaurant, I'm not cleaning my mane up. It was fine, Luna and Shining Armor wouldn't call me out on it so if it's good for them it's good for a fancy restaurant.
I just put a few strays in place and walked out. When Luna heard where I was going, she insisted on me wearing the new versions of my Iron Icarus. I don't understand why but she said it made me look more important. Well considering I was a unicorn, they made me look like an alicorn if you looked out of the corner of your eye. That was part of the reason I didn't wear them unless I had to. AKA, combat/training. I can't stand the looks I get because of those fucking things. I don't need to be a mind reader to know what they think. "Wannabe." Part of the reason I avoid them outside of my own personal use. The other is they can be uncomfortable at times.
I took a fast root to the maid quarters and started scanning the room numbers as I went. I only knew it cause her personal assistant was the one that had to take the message of her new assignment of my room and hers to her. And my memory is impeccable. 449. I noticed a few maids giving me funny looks, not often a guard is seen in dress uniform walking through the maid's quarters. Then again we didn't wear formal dress often anyways so that was abnormal enough. I pass the 440's and it isn't long before I found her door again. I give a swift knock and that green pony I met that night at the club… And for some reason she was all dressed up in a black dress with her mane in a weird braided braid of braids thing. She also had what should've been an illegal amount of makeup on. And was she wearing perfume?
"Oh. Hey Nexus." She said with a half smile. She leant up on the door jamb and looked me over. "You're looking sharp."
"Um… Thanks. What's uh…" I motion to her get up.
"Oh this old thing? I just thought I'd dress up for our dinner date. You like?"
"I'm sorry what? I-"
"Didn't say I could bring friends." Dust said completing my sentence.
"Yes I did." I protest.
"No you didn't." She replied instantly. "Hope you don't mind." Thankfully Dust only wore a simple baby blue dress with hardly any more makeup than usual. She normally just had a little on her cheeks and maybe a little mascara. In this case she wore a bit more on her cheeks, red lipstick and a small touch of black eyeliner. She also had her mane in her semi-normal braid. I kind of liked that look.
Nevertheless I wasn’t letting this by. "Mind? Yes! I do mind!" I say shoving past the green one into Dust's room. "It's three hundred Bits per PONY! I don't want to shell out another thre-"
"Six."
"What?"
"Six hundred."
"Sorry I'm late Swe- Oh I'm right on time." I hear Swift say from behind me.
I spin around and find Swift in a dark red dress that fit close to her body. Her short mane was brushed and curled on the end but other than that nothing. Compared to the others the green one looked like a circus clown. Why she thought she looked good with all of that makeup I'll never know.
"So, you expect me to pay twelve hundred Bits JUST to take you and your friends to dinner?"
"We made a bet." Dust said walking up to me. "And we all agreed not to order anything too expensive."
"And why should I believe that?"
"Because Martini doesn't want to know what I'll do to her if she doesn't." Swift said putting a hoof on the green pony's shoulder. Guess that was Martini.
"And the desert?"
"I know the guy that runs Joe's near the train tracks. He owes us a free round of sundae's when Swift kicked a thief in the nose and made him drop what he stole. We can stop there."
"Ice cream and doughnuts after the best food in all of Canterlot?"
"Why not? He's got the best doughnuts in Equestria after all. And have you had his sundaes?"
"I have. Mom and I use to get one after each good report card. That's fine by me. But the cheapest thing there is a refill on the bread at fifty Bits."
"How do you know?" Martini asked.
"My dad's brother had an engagement party dinner there. His second wife was loaded but she stuck him with the bill. We heard about it for weeks after he moved into our house."
"He still there?" Dust asked.
"Not for about ten years now. Third wife thankfully came in and whipped his sorry flank into shape."
"Well this is nice but we're going to lose our reservations if we chat any longer." Swift pointed out.
"Right, y'all ready to go?"
"Y'all?" Martini said moving in with a swing in her hips. "That's a word I don't hear often. Kind of exotic… Y'all… Say it again."
"No. Ready to go Dust?"
"Just let me get my purse." Dust walked into the back room. Martini looked like she was going to make another move but Swift put a hoof on her shoulder again and stopped dead. Dust came back with a small blue bag hanging off the side of her neck. "Alright, let's go. They ready, Swift?"
"They?" I ask.
"I pulled rank on a couple of Royal Pullers and they'll be taking us where we want to go tonight." Swift said waving off the question.
"Really?"
"If they want to make Sergeant they need an officer's recommendation."
"I get how it works Swift."
"If you play nice tonight I can get you to Captain."
"I don't do bribes Swift. And Celestia has no say in my rank."
"Quit talking. Let's go already." Martini said grabbing my right hoof and trying to yank me away.
I pulled free and I motioned for Swift to lead.
This is going better than I planned. Martini's not being a complete slut towards Nexus. She may have slept with a few guards before but he's not an eager little Privates at the bar so I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about Martini holding up her end of the bargain though. Mom and Dad took me out there for my twenty-first birthday last year and she ate the leftover alfredo for an hour. And that was an expensive dish. But that was a worry for her to have, not me. Though I don't want to abuse our friendship. It might not be much but I like him. He's a great guy, abusing somepony's trust like that isn't my style at all and I don’t want to come across like that.
The ride was nice. Summer was always my favorite season to just go out at night. Warm but not too hot, especially at this altitude. The heat wasn't usually very bad unless it was going to rain. The wind made it better. I preferred having my mane down for this kind of night but I had to look more presentable. Martini was on the outside right of the open air carriage with Swift while I was on the left with Nexus. I kind of missed just seeing him without all of his military stuff on. He looked so uncomfortable in that get up. Those ribbons on his left side might as well have been stabbing him. That look on his face was absolutely misery.
Martini kept going on about the alfredo she had as we went and I think both Swift and Nexus were about to throw her out. She actually tried to flirt with Nexus again, for some reason asking him to say y'all again or something else from the south. That did raise a question in my mind that I really need to figure out.
"What was with that anyways?" I asked hoping to shut Martini up for a minute. "You saying y'all . I thought you said you were born in Canterlot?"
"I was. Born and raised. My dad's side is from here and the north while my mom's from Ponyville. Her whole family is from Ponyville."
"And that explains the southern speak?" Swift asked.
"We took a lot of vacations. Mom's got four sisters so we had a lot of reasons to visit."
"So they just rubbed off on you?"
"Rub'dof't is how Mom would put it. If she let her accent through more."
Everypony in the carriage laughed, even Nexus. It was nice to see him smiling, he had a nice smile. I don't get why he doesn't do it more often. It didn't take long to get to the restaurant, the highest class restaurant in Canterlot would obviously be closer to the castle than anything else. You could practically see the garden from the outdoor café, but only just. There wasn’t much to see but plenty of ponies would pay just to feel like Canterlot Royalty. It kind of made me feel disappointed in society. But then again those were the ponies that were fun to laugh at. We arrived and Nexus checked a silver watch on his hoof, at least I hope it was on him and not built in.
"Right on time, move it!" Nexus said practically leaping out of the carriage.
He jogged through the revolving doors of the white marble building. Swift was right behind him and Martini fell flat on her face trying to do the same. She shouldn't've worn heels. I help her up and use a wipe from my purse to get her smudged makeup off while leaving as much as I could on, in her case it wasn't enough but she refused to let me do it this time. Why she thought she looked "sexy" with enough makeup to shame a clown I don't think I'll ever understand. I get in and Nexus is busy writing out a check while Swift stood off to the side. Judging from the way his pen was moving he wasn't happy with what he was writing down. He handed the check over to the man at the front podium and he took four menus from the side pocket.
"Hope you're happy Dust. He just happily added another hundred to modify my reservations." Nexus said hardly hiding how pissed he was.
The stallion motioned for them to follow him and we followed him to a small table outside. The white cloth over top of it was circular for some reason but that didn't matter. The waiter used his magic to pull the stools out and everypony sat down as he levitated our menus to our seats. He pushed the stools in and nearly knocked Martini on her face again.
"I will have a waiter come by for your orders later but might I recommend a nice wine to start you all off?"
"We'll share a bottle of your cheapest red." I said quickly.
"Very well. Your bread will be here soon with your server. I hope you have a wonderful evening with us ladies and gentleman." he said.
"A whole bottle?" Nexus asked.
"Cheapest is fifty bits per glass or for the whole bottle. So that's as good as it gets." I said pointing it out on the menu. "And maybe we could all share a meal. Something big."
"A lasagna?" Nexus asked.
"Meat? Ew! No." Martini said cringing in disgust. "What about that pasta thing you brought back last year! Maybe something like that."
"You just want the alfredo." Swift said. "We get that there won't be any left for the rest of us."
"She from here?" Nexus asked.
"Yeah." Martini said peeking over the menu, trying to show off her overly done eyelashes. "Born and raised, just like you soldier boy."
"Yeah then there's going to be more than enough left."
"What's that suppose to mean!?" Martini said actually putting her menu down.
"Nothing," Nexus said not looking up from the menu. "the alfredo is about a hundred bits so maybe we can get it large and split it between us?"
"You think we can do that?" Swift asked.
"I don't know, let's just see what we're going to get if that doesn't work out."
"Always got a plan don't you?" Swift asked scanning her menu.
"Never without one."
"Even when it goes bad."
"That in his file too?" I asked.
"Not part of his."
"Who's?" Martini asked.
"Shining Armor's." Swift answered.
"You go through everypony's file?"
"Yes I do. You drank WAY too much during your week of college."
"What year did that happen?"
"Her one week."
"Her first week?" Nexus asked.
"No. Her only week of college."
"Swift, shut up!"
I see Nexus smile, not being on the receiving end of Swift's little attacks. But Martini might've deserved it a bit more than Nexus. He was just antisocial and didn't understand what Swift does, Martini, as much as I love her, is a slut. Sometimes you need to knock down the girls that think they're untouchable. Martini for some reason looked to Nexus like he was going to do anything. Thankfully our server got there with our bread and alcohol.
"Everypony ready to order?" she asked setting the bottle on the table with the chocolate brown bread loaf.
"Uh yes, could we get a whole alfredo platter for our table?" Nexus said.
"A whole platter? Um…" she started writing down our order. "Do you want those all on plates or… what?"
"No just the platter next to us on a cart or something with something to get it out of it. You know how much that would cost?"
"Uh… I don't know sir, I'll go ask the chef. May I ask why?"
"We just might want more than one plate. We've had long days of work and a vacation coming up. So we just wanna know if this would be a bit more economical." Nexus said smoothly.
"Um…. Okay I'll ask our chef of the cost of a whole platter of alfredo. Would you like me to pour your first glasses of wine?"
"No we're fine." Swift said.
The waitress nodded and trotted off.
"Alright I need to taste this wine!" Martini said reached out and pouring herself her first glass.
"You get two glasses." Nexus said.
"Why?"
"A bottle goes for about eight glasses." Swift said.
"So?"
"There's four of us honey." I tell her.
"So?"
"Don't drink it all." Swift had to clarify.
"At most you can get three if one of us doesn't want more than one." Nexus added on.
"Fine… Will either of yo-"
"No." Swift and I tell her simultaneously.
She looked actually sad about that. I would've given her some if I didn't want to enjoy this fifty bit bottle for all it was worth. If I could I was going to steal a glass from Swift if she'd let me but I knew that wasn't going to happen. Since he was paying for it, Nexus wasn't going to give up his glass either. He was the first to go for the bread, taking a slice and covering it in butter.
"So… What exactly do you do Swift?" Nexus asked.
"I'm sorry?" Swift asked.
"Well you've spent plenty of time with me and you know just about everything important about me, may as well know something about you. All I know is you're a guard with a couple of scars."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"And I don't like you talking about me so spill it."
"If she doesn't want to talk about it then we shouldn't make her."
"And I'm only responding in kind to what she does to everypony else."
Is he actually answering Martini's plea for help? If he is I can't believe it. I hope he's not leading her on…
"I don't want to talk about it, Nexus. So stop."
"And I don't care." Nexus set down his bread and leant onto the table.
Swift slumped back a bit. She glared back at him across the table and, like he said, he responded in kind with a glare of own.
“If you know what’s good for you stop right now.”
"It's not a good feeling is it Swift? Being forced to give an explanation about things you don't want said? And you know I'm not going to stop until you say it. Now, what do you do?"
"Nexus…" I say about to try and stop him.
"I'm not a guard. At least I wasn't. I was a Navy Raider. We're the ones that drop into the fight before anypony else. I've lead four rescues per two tours of service against the changelings. One of those was for an officer that you might know Nexus. Now, Captain Brand Fire. We went in and a changing rammed that broken horn into my left shoulder. Almost crippled me." She pulled her dress strap back to show her scar. "It went all the way through and even got infected. And that's not what knocked me out of service. I took a few bolts to the chest on one, a chunk of ceiling broke my leg in four places and ripped me open pretty good too and there was a very painful slice across my stomach that came from a clever little fuck with a knife that also got infected. Now I'm just the guard for the upper floor staircase to Princess Celestia's tower." Swift leant forwards and put her hoofs on the table. "Satisfied?"
"Very." Nexus replied stone cold.
"Dust, mind coming with me to the bathroom?"
"Yeah sure." I say getting my purse and getting up from my seat.
She practically storms into the mare's room and makes sure nopony is in there with us. I quickly go into damage control mode.
"Look I know he's being a dick but do-"
"I'm well aware he's being a dick Dust! I get why he's doing it but he's…. GAH! You have no idea how hard I'm having to hold back just throwing his whole life back in his face. He's not some boy scout! He's fought about as much as an average soldier before he even got in the military!"
"Look there's gotta be a better way to get him back."
"The problem is I don't know if I should. If I was drunk I'd give him this talk and just keep going until I shouted myself mute! But I haven't been a saint towards him either so I don't know if I should."
"You don't deserve what he's actually giving you."
"It's just a taste of my own medicine. I've never had somepony get on me since I met you."
"And I learned to not do that. I know it's just how you are but he doesn't. Just think of some other way to get him back that didn't involve what you did to me."
I really hated what she did to me. It actually kind of scared me. She pulled a very elaborate ruse. I'm not sure how to describe it but somehow she knocked me out, convinced me I was eight months pregnant and almost got me fired because everypony thought I was going crazy. I was the only one that saw my baby bump and she even paid off a guard to pretend he was my husband to really flip my lid.
"I'm really struggling to actually not do something like that again… Maybe make him think he turned into a mare… I bet I could get Luna in on it too that insensitive FUCK!" Swift punched the nearest sink. At least she didn't break it or her hoof. She must've held back.
"He's not. You know that."
"At this point I don't know. I've never been challenged so bluntly like that… Why'd I fold?"
"You wanted to get it over with maybe?"
"No… After all the shit I've been through I don't fold. A soldier doesn’t fold that quickly."
"Well this is a bit more properly public than a club Swift. You didn't want to make a scene."
"Stop just throwing shit at the wall until it sticks Dust! I folded after three months of you prodding. He did it for three minutes."
"Look… Just calm down and don't do anything you'll regret here. At least wait until we get our leftovers and go to Joe's before enacting something. Please."
"Why do you care?"
"Because I know you don't hate him. I get this is like your initiation to deep meaningful friendship but going at him in this restaurant isn't the place to do it. We promised to not cost him too much and I don't intend on breaking that promise and I know you don't either. Please, for the sake of actually keeping his friendship just be nice until after dinner. Or at the very least pretend he isn’t there."
"And why would I want his friendship? He's an ass-hole."
"Well no offence Hon but so are you. He might be the best friend you can get, and maybe getting you to spill your life is a sign that he's a friend you need."
"So you're saying I just let it slide?"
"No, make him pay. But wait for it. If anything give me time to let him know how you work."
Swift turned around and looked in the mirror. She just looked for a moment, I wished desperately to be able to read her mind. After what must've been the longest fifteen seconds of my life, she sighed and agreed. But I had to give up my second glass.
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
Well the night wasn't a total disaster, considering what I said to Swift anyways. Neither of us really talked much after our little incident. We didn't get a platter but we did get two plates to split between us. Martini insisted on us sharing but I was sitting closest to Dust so we shared. I did get through two glasses of wine out of minor stress thinking how I'm going to apologize. Well paying for the only gourmet ice cream Joe had to be put on the sundaes was a start. And going out to find the most expensive beer I could find while everypony else chowed down. Martini actually ate mine while I was buying the beer.
Just because I was feeling extra apologetic, I bought two four packs of the beer. Now of everything in the cellar, beer wasn't one of them so I knew nothing of how beer worked. I knew I hated the taste and that was about it. The mare in the store said that lighter beer was sweeter so one was between dark and light. And according to her, the other was the lightest, most expensive logger she had. All in all tonight has cost me more than my hoofs and legs. But this kind of beer wasn't too bad. Though the content of the two beers I got was enough to, what I was guessing, give me a bit of a buzz. My head hurts a bit but nothing unbearable but I'm also feeling it more in my eyes. It feels like they want to shut but can't. Alcohol is a depressant so I suppose the low I'm getting on the buzz isn't bad. Swift was given an extra two from Marini and Dust, who weren't fans of beer.
She was on the low side of drunk I think. At least with those beers she was a little happier. She was smiling and joking with her friends, I was just off to the side enjoying the show. Despite being an introvert, I think I've found a new hobby that'll get me out and about if I'm blocked on a project, people watching. Martini was still as annoying as I thought she would be, the valley girl. But Swift and Dust were actually much more bearable. Swift is actually kind of nice when she wants to be. Dust, as I already knew, is a sweetheart to everypony so long as they're nice to her. Though I suspect that Swift is somepony she's afraid to be mad at, I don't know why but it's just a feeling.
With Joe tired of us sitting around and not paying for anymore ice cream, he called our pullers over and we went back to the castle. Dust was kind of giddy from her light buzz, I don’t think I saw her stop smiling the whole time, Swift was right there with her. Though from what I've seen Swift can go at the drop of a hat. I decide to push my luck in that department when I offered to take her back to her room. Dust and Martini looked at me like I just signed my own death certificate. Swift seemed like she was questioning my own sanity.
But she agreed. Then something dawned on me, I hadn't actually thought of exactly how I'm going to apologize to her. Sure buying things was one thing but actually saying it was something always much easier thought than said. If that made any sense. I take a breath and actually muster up the balls to say something.
"I didn't mean to push you like that." I say simply.
Out the corner of my eye I see Swift look in my direction., her giddiness dropping away. "That so?"
"To be honest I didn't think you'd tell me."
She paused. "Why do you think I told you so quickly?"
It was my turn to pause. Sadly it wasn't until I was halfway through thinking that I realized I was thinking out loud. "Well you're clearly a hard-ass so initially I thought it was because you didn't want to listen to me constantly prod you for however long it would take so you got it out of the way quickly." Part of me regretted telling her she was a hard-ass. I don't know if she would consider that a compliment or not. Apparently it was neither.
"Well that's one way to put it." She said as we started up the stairs towards Celestia's officer's quarters.
"One way?"
"It's nothing Nexus." Was she blushing? Was that the alcohol or was she hiding something?
"Well either way I know it brought up some things you wanted to forget. I shouldn't've done that."
"It's fine Nexus. All of my friends give me a taste of my own medicine at one point or another. Dust says it's like my "friendship test" or something."
"So we weren't fri-"
"Nexus please… after tonight I just want to drop it."
I don't respond, just follow her up to her quarters. We weren't as high up as my room but it was certainly in the nicer portion of suits for the castle. The rooms above her were used for special guests. The extra special ones get the single room tower.
Okay now I have to ask. "Friends or not I want to make it up to you."
"You don't have to." Swift said turning her back to me to unlock her bedroom door.
"But I want to." I say leaning up against the door jamb next to her.
She looked like she was pondering something, and that devious smile I see when she's about to talk about somepony's past comes up. I've grown to not trust that look but if it meant making some kind of mends between us then I was all game.
"I do have more liquor in my room. You want to make it up to me, come on in." her look changed slightly. What did they call that? The… Come and get me grin? It was only for a second but it was still there.
I don't like drinking but… Maybe one more won't hurt. As long as it wasn't hard liquor I think I would be fine. "Sure."
She smiled happily at me and opened her door. I went in with her and noticed the room was fairly basic. It was like the lower portion of my room, two rooms consisting of a foyer and a second room, in this case it's a bedroom with shutter doors separating the two halves. It looked almost exactly like mine honesty. Only where I had my workbench she had a wine cabinet, mechanical bottle opener and everything. This was going to be fun… Sarcasm intended.
An hour later we were laughing at more than our fair share of mistakes in the past, both in childhood and in boot. With cider depressingly out of season, I was stuck with watered down whiskey on the rocks while she drank it straight up. It still burned and made me cough after two glasses, I still wouldn't drink this crap ever after this. It was near one in the morning, something I wasn't expecting to come up came up, past relationships.
"I got more than I can count with this much booze in my system." She giggled at me. "What about you. I just imagine somepony like you just trying to build themselves a sexbot when your balls finally dropped." well her obscenity filter seems to have fallen away, at least what little there was before.
"Well…" I cough still trying to choke down another sip of whiskey. "Nothing really."
"Okay, real talk here." She put a hoof on my shoulder. "You… Lunarus Nexus, are not bad. I fail to believe that somepony hasn't tried to get with you before. So come on, spill or I'll force that whiskey down your throat."
"Fine…" I say leaning my head over and away from her hoof. "I've had one girlfriend in my whole life."
"Ooo. She hot?"
"Yeah… Well… I wouldn't say ten… but she's certainly a solid eight. If not seven point…. six."
"Point six!?" Swift said trying not to laugh. "That's on the fucking dot. She must've been a nerd or something to fall for you."
"No. She wasn't…. Anything really. She wasn't in any clubs or… Something. I really don't remember, it feels like a life time ago."
"You sleep with her?"
I hesitated. Should I say so? It's not a bad thing if I did or didn't so why not? "Y-yes. We had sex."
"How good, Mr. Exacto-rate?"
"Uh…. Well she was my first…. I guess like eight point…. eight."
"Only eight? Somepony must've rocked your world after her."
"Nope."
"What'd you mean nope?"
"I mean she's all I got. I haven't had sex with anypony else."
"No pony!? With a face like that?"
"I'm not that good looking."
"You're like a high eight if I had to be as exact as you. Then it must've been your kissing. She your first kiss too?" She asked leaning towards me.
"Yeah, first everything. Girlfriend, kiss and lover. I've done nothing after her."
"Definitely your kiss then."
"Maybe I just wasn't looking for anypony." I say kind of defensive.
I think she noticed. "Oh it was! You were a shit kisser!"
"No. I never went anywhere with anypony after her. So it's not the kiss."
"Prove it Sweetie." she said leaning up on my shoulder with her hoofs.
"No. I don't-"
"Come on. One kiss won't hurt nopony. Just one, I promise I won't bite." she was definitely giving me that "Come and get me" thing.
Actually, that's a good question, how much could it hurt to just get it over with? She meant a real kiss though. I guess it's… not a bad thing. Screw it.
"Alright." I say licking my lips slightly.
Swift smiled at me and leaned closer. She put a hoof on my cheek and gently pressed her lips to mine. She holds there for a moment without putting anything into it before I pull away.
"Oh that's just mean. I meant a kiss kiss Sweetie. Give it to me."
I was kind of hoping she'd stop, but now she was leaning in again and holding me in place, not totally against my will. This time she starts trying to force some tongue. I didn't object too much, I parted my lips and actually put something into it. This was something I'd forgotten about, it felt really good. I close my eyes and put a bit more into it and I think I even heard her sigh. There was something I didn't expect to have forgotten. The warmth of another pony so close and the strange feeling of… pleasure from the kiss itself. It really was a nice kiss. She broke again and held close to my lips, so close I could feel her breath on my lips and chin. It wreaked of alcohol but I'm sure mine didn't smell much better so I let it slide.
"You know I was thinking about why I caved so quickly when you pressed." she said quietly, as if somepony were listening.
"And?" I asked just as quiet.
"I think I know why." She didn't let me answer. She pushed me back into her couch and straddled my lap before going straight into another kiss, this one with everything behind it. And… I obviously responded in kind. I wrap my forelegs around her hips and let loose.
Author's Note
Nexus: O.o Did I just-
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
Ugh… Fuck everything about alcohol. There was nothing good about it in any case. It damages the liver, kidneys and brain and causes dreadful headaches the next day. And that wasn't the worst of it. The nausea, dizziness, and amazingly prevalent pressure behind the eyes: it just made me want to never touch beer or anything alcoholic again and stay in this bed forever. Though the top left part of my right ear kind of hurt a bit and I was currently laying on it. Now I wasn't even that drunk last night, so memory loss wasn't a major thing. I do mostly rem-…… oh no. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no tell me I didn’t....... I heard somepony behind me sigh as I shifted in fear. A foreleg wrapped around my lower chest as I felt somepony's soft chest fur press between my shoulder blades. A mare's head came from behind me and rested against my left cheek.
"Good morning Sweetie." Swift sighed holding me close.
"No." I say quickly.
"What's the matter? You expecting somepony else?"
"No no no…."
"What? You were good last night."
"Swift it-"
"I mean not the best, or biggest really, but certainly in my top five."
"Swift will you just stop!" I say trying to force my body up, but the fatigue of the previous night's activities and beverages had left kept me down when I tried.
"Calm down Sweetie." she nuzzled against the back of my face and up to my ear.
She pressed her muzzle into the back of my ear and gently kissed the back of it. A very slight shiver went down my spine and caused me to twitch slightly. She giggled at me and went back to nuzzling my cheek from behind. Strangely I actually felt a bit more relaxed now. It didn't last long but it certainly happened.
"Now tell Mama what's wrong."
"What the hell did you just do?"
"You weren't that drunk Nexy. Though I'm glad you didn't know about your ears. Sorry about the other one though. Got a bit too into it." she moved her head to the back of my head and rested her chin to the back of my head, using her other hoof, behind the pillow we were now sharing, to gently touched the part of my right ear that was slightly soar. It was a bit tender. "It looks a bit red."
I might know what went on, but I don't think I asked for her to do that. Well she did say I didn't know so I wouldn't ask… so she's a biter? No, stop.
"Look, this shouldn't've happened." I say batting her hoof away from my ear.
"What'd you mean? I was serious when you're definitely in the top five guys I've brought back here."
"No…" Something was nagging me in the back of my head about what happened.
There was something about last night that didn't sit right other than me having sex with a woman I hardly know…. Wait… My buddy had an issue with something like this, not with her, I knew the guard he was sleeping with. He got off lucky with just being demoted…
"We can't do this. It's against the rules." I say remembering exactly the rule.
"Hm?"
"Guard's can't be in a relationship so long as they're on the same base."
"That so? Huh…"
"I don't want to sound mean but I know that's not a problem for you but it is for me. This could cost us our jobs."
I hear Swift sigh and tighten up her grip on my midsection. "You know you're right. It's not been a problem for me before…."
"So this is just another one of those times right? We don't mention this to anypony an-"
"Nexus… Sweetie… You remember what I said before all that happened?"
"Yeah…" I say slightly concerned.
"Well…" She sighed. "That's never happened. I mean there's been kissing and I really should thank you for actually not skipping the foreplay, but I've never… felt like that when I was just kissing somepony."
"What?"
"I get emotion is a foreign concept to you but I've never actually just kissed somepony and gone that far that quick… I've never caved in when somepony prodded about my past and… Nexus… I… I really like you. I don't want this to be the only thing we have…" She interrupts me before I can try and object even slightly. "I know it's against the rules Nexus but I mean it when I say I like you. I've gotten to know you so well over the past few weeks and I'm really don’t want this to be it for us. You are the only guy I've ever cared about seeing in my bed in the morning, so please… Tell me you like me too." She settles her head onto my shoulder instead of my cheek as she waited for my answer
She sounded… scared? She's actually afraid of what I'm going to say? Wow… That's another first for me. But that's a good question, do I like her? I mean… I can't say that question didn't cross my mind before. She's a lovely pony when you're nice to her, she listens and seems like she'd be willing to be there for me if I needed her and, in fact, when I didn't think I needed somepony. Now I'm not very fond of how she's so nosey but that could be a good for me if I was being stubborn. And the fact that my stubbornness hasn't scared her off is remarkable as it is. I guess that shows a willingness to put up with my shit…. Hang on…. What the hell does any of this have to do with if I like her or not? Facts are facts but feelings are something that, like she said, are somewhat out of my element. It always boils down to logic if I think about it at all. And this isn't a decision that is based souly in logic.
So… Do I? Well… Drunk or not, just a kiss, to me, is an emotional thing that I wouldn't just shrug off. And the fact that, impaired or not, I had sex with her has to mean something. And there I go with the facts again… GET ON WITH IT YOU IDIOT! How long have you been quiet anyways? I don't know. Why am I talking to myself in my head? Well I might be crazy…
"You know what forget it." Swift sighted starting to let go of me.
I, from somewhere I wasn't sure of, act on an impulse and take hold of her hoof as she lets go of me. I'm rolled over on my back now, holding her left hoof with mine. She's looking at me like I'd just done something absolutely insane, and again I just talked to myself in my head instead of answering her question. Well now that I've got her attention I better answer it instead of talking to myself some more.
"I… I really like you too Swift…" I say timidly looking into her bright, neon orange eyes. I think it was the first time I've said anything in a timid tone of voice since… Well since I spilled punch on Princess Luna when we met.
She smiled at me, not her normal smirk or a laughing smile either. It was a genuine smile of unbridled, elated joy. I let go of her hoof and she put it on my right shoulder. Unlike last night, she leant over me and planted a long, loving kiss on my lips. I leant into it and sighed as our eyes shut. I put my right hoof on her hip and pull her back into the bed. She didn't object and slid up against me without breaking the kiss. I wrap my other foreleg around her shoulders and hold her close. My heart pounded against her chest as she embraced me too with her other hoof wrapped around my torso. When we finally broke she gently nuzzled under my chin.
"Thanks for the foreplay last night Nexy." Swift said just after the break. I chuckle and grip her a bit tighter for a second because I remember she squeaked when I did something like that last night. And she didn't disappoint me with a cute little Eep! . "Do you have today off?" she asked sliding down slightly to rest her head on my chest.
"Today is?" I asked.
"Sunday."
"Yup."
I don't need to see her face to know she smiled. "I was hoping you'd say that."
"What'd you have planned Missy?"
"Well… To be honest I wouldn't mind going back to bed for a few more hours. Warm up those metal plates and get comfy."
"That it?" I asked looking down at her. She really seemed honestly content.
"Well… We'll see where things go from there. Sound good to you?"
I lean down and put a kiss on top of her head, in her mane. "That sounds great Sweetie." I say before planting a little kiss near the top of her horn as well.
She chuckled at me before rubbing her cheek into my chest. I smile as well and let my eyes shut and start trying to fall back asleep. With this hangover, it wasn't going to be hard.
Why Maids Don't Date the Guards
A late winter chill gently blew through the streets of the suburban section of Canterlot. The white snow the month prior had finally melted last week, to the children's dismays. That didn’t stop a couple of foals wrapped in their winter best outside of a quaint, two story white house with black shutters. Inside however, their children's respective parents sat in the living room near a warm fire in the black marble fireplace.
The fathers, an ageing dark blue unicorn with prosthetic, metal legs and a much younger blood red unicorn covered in black stripes, sat with their backs to the fire as men always do. The mothers, a light gray bat pony with a pale purple mane and a light brown pegasus with her long black tied back in a pony tail. She was late in a fairly nervous pregnancy while she looked to be much earlier in her term. The bat pony sat on an armless chair to the left of the pegasus who was laying back on the couch with her hind hoofs on the arm of the couch.
"Your hoofs still sore Dust?" the blue unicorn asked the pregnant mare.
"A little bit." She replied sitting up a little. "You mind? You're about to go."
"Of cores not Dust." her blue husband replied getting up from the fire.
"I still don't get how you can stand those hoofs giving you a hoof rub." the bat pony commented.
"Lunar's gentle enough, it's nowhere near as bad as you think." Dust informed as the blue unicorn known as Lunar sat at the end of the sofa where his wife's hoofs were.
She let out a low sigh as he started rubbing her swollen hoofs, lucky that he was so gentle.
"I still wouldn't let Ephi rub my hoofs if he had those legs."
"Not my choice to have 'em Hestaria." Lunar replied before switching to her left hoof. "You've snooped through my files enough."
Hestaria leaned over to the coffee table and took a sip of her mixed drink. Everypony had a quick chuckle as the kids from the front yard rushed in out of breath. It wasn't very hard to know who birthed who from looking at them. The little bat filly and navy blue pegasus colt had the widest grins full of curiosity at the mysteries of life.
"What's up y'all?" Lunar asked as they both ran up to Dust.
"We wanted to see if Lilly was kicking!" the little bat filly said as her pale pink mane started to peak out from under her black knit cap.
"You're welcome to feel if you two want." Dust said rubbing her belly.
"How much longer did the doctor say anyways?" the red unicorn interjected.
"Hard to say." Nexus answered as as the children started feeling around Dust's stomach to see if the baby would kick. "She's mostly concerned with how small she is. She looks developed in the ultrasounds but they're concerned she might not have a fully developed brain."
Dust twitched and the children giggled at feeling the little filly in her tummy kick. "How'd she get in mommy's belly Dad?" the pegasus colt asked his father.
Lunar licked his lips to try and give himself a few moments to think before giving the best answer he could think to tell his five year old kid. "Wizards. All Dads are wizards."
The adults chuckled at the answer he gave while the kids just more or less accepted it.
"Well as much as I'd love to keep rubbing your hoofs Dust," Lunar said moving to . "We've all got some shopping to do. Don't we Ephi?"
"Yeah I guess." the red unicorn said as he sat up. "Come on Gale."
"Aw! But I wanna see if Lilly kicks again, Papi!" the bat filly complained.
"Do we have to go Hearts and Hooves shopping, Dad?" The colt asked climbing onto his dad's back.
"Yes we do Astral. We gotta get cards and candy for your class remember?"
"See you guys soon." Dust said as Hestaria helped her sit up.
Nexus kissed his wife and she leaned over and kissed her son on his cheek. He did quickly rubbed his cheek and groan at it all. Hestaria kissed her husband and her daughter too just as a knock came at the door.
"We expectin' anypony Dusty?" Lunar asked as he started towards the door.
Dust blushed a tad hearing her pet name. "We are."
Nexus opened the door and found a very unexpected face with an unexpected package.
"Luna?" Princess Luna with her mane tied back wasn't an odd sight at the Nexus household, not even when she was uninvited. But it was more what she was carrying that surprised Nexus. A neatly wrapped box lay on her back. "What's the occasion?"
Luna cocked her head to the side and glanced into the living room. "Am I early Mrs. Nexus?" she asked Dust.
"No Luna," Dust replied craning her neck around to see the guest. "You're right on time."
"On time for what?"
"Did you seriously not tell him?" Hestaria asked.
"Somepony mind telling me what's going on here?" Nexus asked with a groan.
"I figured you'd be gone before anypony showed up." Dust began. "I decided to have my baby shower today because I knew you four would be shopping today."
"And who exactly is coming?" Nexus asked.
"Some maids from the castle, a few art school friends, our mothers and Luna. Oh and I think Firebrand's girl friend'll be here too!"
"He's got a girlfriend? Um… whatever. Luna, is our cab out there?"
"It was, but I told him to return and paid for the trip out here. Take our carriage instead Lunarus."
"You sure Luna? I wouldn't want to-"
"I insist."
Nexus wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially from such a good friend. He shrugged and stepped aside to let Luna in. Outside, the familiar royal chariot stood with its four pegasus pullers. The white body and fully open sides were very distinct and unmistakable.
"We'll be back in a few hours Dusty." Nexus called as Ephialtes walked out.
"I'll see you then Lunar." She called back just as happily.
Ephialtes was the first to lean back into the royal purple cushion, very quickly followed by Nexus. They placed their children in their laps and told them to hang on.
"Where to?" the right lead pegasus asked.
"The mall. We got some last minute shopping to do for the girls." Ephilates said as his daughter slipped her cap off and dropped it into her lap. Ephialtes tried to get her to put it back on but she slapped his hoofs away before he got the chance. "You and your mother."
"You asked." Nexus said with his usual smart ass tone just as the chariot started off to the center of Canterlot.
