Setting the Rules

by fic Write Off

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 97337

Writefriends from all over PonyChan gathered in a war of words on the weekend of April 27. But who is the greatest a/fic/ionado? The decision is yours. Vote, rate, and choose your favourites!

Authors are anonymous, so you won't know who wrote what until the voting stage is over.

Vote Here

(See: http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/98078.html for info on how the competition went down.)

Cover image by http://milkman213.deviantart.com, captioned by Uma.

Published 2012-05-01 02:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-13 01:02:54 UTC

The Fates of Creation

The celestial sisters resided high above the surface of Equestria. From their vantage point, entire forests and mountain ranges lay before them, the perfectly clear day allowing them to view the mass of blue water on the horizon that would be one of the world’s few oceans. They sat upon a floating white marble island that, limited only by their imaginations, held an immense amount of detail on both its structure, with a regal palace residing on it.

The two sat near the edge of the platform, looking out over the land that, if closer inspected, would be revealed to be nothing but untamed wilds. As they sat in silence, a gentle breeze rolled across the platform, gently tossing the manes of the two alicorns. Celestia gave her little sister a smirk.

“I don’t remember making air currents yet,” the solar sister teased.

“Oh, come on, Tia. I know you miss the pleasantries of a fully formed world just as much as me,” Luna shot back.

“Of course. But if you would just let us get on with creating, it wouldn't be a problem.”

“You can’t rush this, there's a lot to think about.”

“Like what?” Celestia questioned.

“Like... when are we going to make our people?”

“Our people?”

“You know what I mean, a civilization of sentient beings, a race to call our children.”

“Talking about having children so soon? I think we’re moving a bit fast.” Celestia stifled her giggling with a hoof.

“Come on Tia, I’m serious!”

“Oh, alright, alright,” Celestia began, still chuckling mid-sentence. “I suppose it is getting rather dull around here.”

A pregnant silence passed.

“I assume we’re both in agreement on changing the race from last time?” Celestia asked. Luna nodded, eyes trained at the distance.

“I thought so.” Celestia allowed her own eyes to drift to the horizon as well. “Any ideas?” she asked, staring into the small portion of visible ocean.

“I was thinking, maybe we should base it off our forms. Maybe there’s a reason we were given them.”

“You mean...” Celestia raised a leg and extended a wing, examining herself. “Horses?”

“We’re supposed to be the goddesses of this civilization, right?” A nod. “So maybe they’d be a little smaller than us. Ponies, not horses.”

“Ponies,” Celestia echoed. “Would they each be attuned to a celestial body, or other source of power, like us?”

“Oh no, no. I was thinking... we could divide our abilities up into three different kinds of ponies. Some ponies only have wings, some only with horns, some with neither. The ones with wings could fly and change the weather, the ones with horns would have magic, and the ones with neither would be attuned to the land.”

Magic. Celestia smiled to herself, she loved magic, but there was still a problem. “Though they wouldn't have opposable thumbs. How could that work?”

“A little bit of magic,” Luna answered with a grin.

“You know me too well, little sister,” Celestia responded with a shake of her head.

“So you agree?”

“It could work, but we can’t rush this, there’s a lot to think about.”

Luna deflated with a huff after having her own words turned against her.

“Would these ponies be the only race?” Celestia questioned.

“More than one civilization?”

“No reason we can’t.”

“Oh!” the Princess of the Night exclaimed, nearly jumping in place. “Gryphons!”

“Gryphons?”

“And zebras!”

“Zebras?”

“And elephants!”

“No, Luna,” Celestia cut off her sister before she could continue. “I’m drawing the line at sentient elephants.”

“Awww. But gryphons and zebras are fine?”

“I... suppose.”

“You pick a species, Tia!”

“You know I prefer wildlife.”

“Then pick some.”

“Well if you chose gryphons then how about, phoenixes?”

“Phoenixes!” Luna echoed in a much more enthusiastic tone.

“Manticores?”

“Manticores!”

“Hydras?”

“HYDRAS?!”

“They don’t have to be deadly, I was thinking a more oafish, harmless version of them,” Celestia reasoned.

“I guess.” Luna responded hesitantly. “What about dragons?”

“You freak out at hydras, but bring up dragons?”

“Maybe they could be a sentient species.”

“I thought you wanted to protect our people, not watch them get destroyed.”

“They could be nice dragons.” Luna insisted.

“Nice dragons?” Her sister responded with a laugh.

“Hey, if I want to make nice dragons, then I’ll make some nice dragons!”

“If you can pull it off, go ahead,” the older sister decreed. “Is that all?”

“Nothing else comes to mind at the moment.”

Celestia turned from the edge, eye’s glossing over the platform, before coming to a rest on the large building opposite of them. “What about a palace. A place to live, to rule?” She questioned.

Luna turned too. “Well this was just temporary,” she referred to the floating island with a stomp of her hoof. “But that,” she motioned to the place, “was an attempt to make something that looked good in both day...” At a whim from the Lunar Princess, the world became darker as the sun was replaced with a full moon. “And night.”

The palace seemed to shine with the light of the moon. “A very good job indeed,” Celestia complimented. “But I thought we talked about abusing our power like that.”

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud, sister. The only animals are lesser creatures, they think nothing of it. When we plant our civilizations, I will restrain myself to my role.”

With another thought, Luna changed the moon back to the sun, illuminating the landscape harshly in comparison to her gentle moonlight. “But if you must insist on your sun being up during these times, then at least provide cloud cover before you start a forest fire.” Clouds appeared and began to shift across the skies below the platform.

“Are you sure about the oceans?” The younger sister was asked.

“Hm?”

“There’s so few oceans, all the landmass is so closer together they won’t have a reason to sail.”

“I know, but overall the amount of land is standard, and I thought the close proximity would help. Isolation never has a good effect in the end.”

“The sailors were one of the few people to truly appreciate and utilize your night.”

“I know, but I’m hoping this time things go well enough for them to find out more of the many benefits my stars hold.”

“We are doing a rather effective job of creating a new, long lasting world,” Celestia mused.

“Sister?” Luna spoke in a deflated voice.

“Hmm?”

“I do not think I am ready to rule again.”

Celestia looked towards her sister, who’s head hung low to the ground, sadness and remorse apparent. “It’s alright, Luna,” She spoke, approaching the Goddess of the Moon with care. “To be honest, I do not think I am ready either.” She sat down and drew her foreleg around Luna, leading her head towards her chest.

“There’s still so many things to decide,” Luna squeaked out, emotion heavy in her words. “Maybe we could just let everything happen naturally at first? Live a little bit and let everything else work itself out?”

“Of course we can, and don’t worry, I promise things will be different this time.”

Two ponies stood overlooking the landscape. In view were all of the pony capitals: The farms of the earth ponies, the cloud city of the pegasi, and the castles of the unicorns. The early morning bustled with activity, the unicorns having just finished sending the sun along its course. Attention was turned to the other two races, who had begun about their busy days.

In truth it had only been several hundred years. But if you asked anypony, they would give you a much larger number. After all, impressions of a goddess last forever. The few centuries had many hidden changes, mountains, species, and societies were all created throughout the years, but for everypony else, it was how it had always been.

All but one of these societies had found unity and happiness in themselves. Though the three races of pony stood at the precipice of conflict. Each sect had their own allotted tasks from what they believed to be the dawn of time, but each completed these tasks with malice. They believed their own work to be of a higher caliber, and expected more from the others in return. The inequality perceived by the populace kept brothers and sisters at one another’s throats.

One of the ponies was a unicorn who placed the warmth and light of the sun above no other. The second, a pegasus whose eyes had bared witness to many nightly flights.The two ponies had secretly lead many lives through each of these societies, even the one with disagreement to the point where they would consider themselves three.

“Sister, I have a confession,” The pegasus began. “I’m rather pleased with how this all turned out.”

“Why would you approve of such a thing?” The unicorn questioned, referring to the fractured pony tribes.

“Our plan was to rule over the ponies, but what of the others? Were they to be content to be ruled by mortals while our ponies got not just one, but two goddess emperors?”

“I thought we would make immortal leaders for them, who believed themselves to be our equals.”

“Yes, but there’s no need for such things now. Everypony else has advanced perfectly since day one. The ponies are the only ones who truly need us, it gives us an excuse of sorts.”

“Then perhaps it is time to put a plan into action, and take our places of power.”

“I’m ready.”

The solar sisters shedded their latest mortal forms.

“Any ideas?” Luna asked.

“A few.”

“Care to share?”

“If we were to endanger the earth ponies production of food with a long brutal winter, it would leave every tribe without supplies. There would be a lot of friction, but they would never start any organized conflicts, especially with food so scarce. They would go out to find new lands, and with a little help from us, they’ll end up in the same lands. Once they realise they’re all present in the ‘promised land’, they’ll have no choice but to band together. And at the height of their union we will arrive, a gift from the gods themselves to usher the ponies into their new era of peace.”

“We can’t just throw out a such a harsh winter. And with their stockpiled supplies, the blizzard would have to be nearly unending.”

“Which is why first, we will make one more addition to the history of equestria.” As Celestia finished speaking, a ghostly wail cut across the silence of the mountain. Before them appeared what looked to be the spirit of a pony. A semi transparent form that radiated a weather not unlike a winter storm. Snow fell from its wind whipped mane and a strong chill had made itself known to the two sisters. The creature strained against its invisible bonds, a hostility burning in its eyes unknown to any other resident of Equestria. “I call them wendigos, tailor-made to fit our situation. They feed off of negative emotion, and in return make the weather even worse. The more they argue, the worse off they’ll be, until final the only option left will be to seek new land.”

“Are you sure this is safe? Somepony could easily get hurt.”

“Don’t worry, like you said the ponies have plenty of stockpiled supplies. They’ll head out to find new land well before the point of starvation. Though they will begin to bicker over what remains of the unclaimed food. A factor that will only aid us in removing them from their divided kingdoms.”

“Very well, let us begin.” Luna allowed.

At a whim of Celestia, wendigos seamlessly integrated themselves into a story that spanned nearly two thousand years. The wendigo, now freed from its bonds flew off, only to be joined by several more of its kin. They descended upon the kingdoms of the ponies, and once they took place in the thick cloud cover, the first snows of the longest winter in history began. A process powered by ill thoughts that would produce nothing but further tension, given enough time, would lead to the happiest nation in the world.

A Pun Too Far

Trixie couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as Canterlot proper came into view, the wagon’s wheels clattering on the rough cobble. She was sick and tired of backwater towns and uncultured ponies – at last she would have an audience worthy of her brilliance. A small fantasy swept through her mind, dignified ponies chanting her great and powerful name, her hat full of clinking bits. It was enough to bring a smile to her face. With a quick jerk of her head, she directed the wagon towards an opening between two fruit stands. It was her time to shine.

Hopping off the wagon, Trixie landed nimbly on the stone street, cape billowing dramatically – or at least she hoped it was. The wagon’s stage clattered to the ground beside her, the glow of her magic fading as the rest of the backdrop unfolded. With a clearing of her throat, she stepped up on the platform and surveyed the gathering crowd.

“Come one, come all!” she shouted, “Come and see the amazing, astounding magic of The Great an—”

“Ahem!”

Trixie snapped her mouth shut, turning to glare at the source of the interruption – a royal guard standing near the edge of the stage.

“Yes?” she seethed, drawing out the ‘s’ with as much venom as she could muster.

“License please,” the colt demanded.

“License? What licence?”

“Well... you are a street performer, aren’t you? You’re currently in violation of royal edict V34-591 – failure to display vocational license while working. Now, if you would be so kind as to present the proper paperwork...”

“That’s absurd! Why would Trixie need a flimsy piece of paper to share her greatness with the world? Well, it’s not like it matters! The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t have one of your licences and she doesn’t need one either. Now if you’ll excuse Trixie, she has a show to put on,” she said, turning away from the guard.

“Ahem!”

Trixie grit her teeth and looked over her shoulder, preparing a verbal lashing the colt wouldn’t soon forget. The words stuck in her throat when she saw that the guard motioning towards the far end of the square. A quick glance told Trixie plenty – there were royal guards posted everywhere. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed her rant and turned to face him.

“Ahem,” he repeated, not even pretending to be clearing his throat anymore.

“What now?”

“No licence, no performing – that’s the law. I’m sorry ma’am, but if you insist on trying to perform, I’ll have no choice but to confiscate your wagon.”

“On whose authority?” Trixie sputtered, trying to contain her indignation and failing miserably.

“Princess Celestia’s, of course. Now then,” he said, his voice lowering, “are you going to pack up and get a proper licence, or are we going to have a disagreement?”

She glared at the guard for a moment, weighing her options. Messing with royal authority was almost always more trouble than it was worth. “Fine!” Trixie spat. “Tell Trixie where she can get your stupid licence and she’ll get one already!”

Trixie had to hoof it to the architect – they had managed to make the Equestrian Vocation Department look even more pathetic than it sounded. The drab, rectangular building looked like the perfect place for sad little pencil-pushers, or a tomb for some unimportant noble. Normally, she wouldn’t even consider gracing such a dull place with her glorious presence, but that guard and his friends had been very persuasive. Trixie grit her teeth and entered the building, determination burning in her eyes.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived!” she announced, eyes closed and head held high. “As the most magical mare in Equestria, she demands a vocational licence befitting her status this very instant!”

A few seconds ticked by in silence. No rush of apologies, no lowly foals groveling at her hooves – Trixie could feel her blood pressure rising. With a flick of her mane, Trixie opened her eyes, ready to berate the morons who kept her waiting after she so graciously announced her presence.

The building was deserted, nothing but a few scattered benches and a large chalkboard.

Trixie sneered as she walked into the center of the room. That idiotic guard must have sent her to the wrong place – the room looked completely deserted! More of her valuable time, wasted. Her eyes scanned the room, hoping for somepony, anypony, to berate for their obvious incompetence. As second sweep through the room yielded a clerk sitting at his desk – Trixie realized she had mistaken him for a particularly boring chair the first time round.

Putting on her best airs of condescension, Trixie approached the clerk.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived!” she repeated. “As the most magical mare in Eques—”

“Take a number,” the clerk said flatly, pointing to a stack of wooden tokens on his desk.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t have time for your boorish bureaucratic games – simply hand over a vocational licence and Trixie will be on her way.”

“Number?”

“Trixie doesn’t have a number! Just give Trixie a licence!”

“No number, no can do,” the clerk said, picking up a magazine and casually flipping to a seemingly random page.

“Impudence! Do you have any idea who the Great and Powerful Trixie is? Vanquisher of the Ursa Major, Master of the Hydra, Cham—”

“Listen, lady, Vanquisher, whatever. Do you have a number?”

Trixie grit her teeth and put her hooves on the counter. “Yes! Trixie is number one!”

“Token?”

“Trixie doesn’t have one!”

“Then take one and have a seat. When your number is called,” he said, pointing at the chalkboard, “come over here and I’ll process your request.”

Trixie snatched a token off the stack, trying to glare a hole through the clerk’s head. The token placed her as number 237. Trixie looked at the board.

“Now Serving: 48”

An objection was already halfway out of her throat when the clerk causally closed the booth’s blinds on her. Trixie’s mouth flapped wordlessly as she stared at the gray blinds, rendered speechless by her fury.

“Hmph!” she said loudly, turning away from the booth with as much scorn as she could muster. “Fine. Trixie will wait.”

For about the hundredth time, Trixie drew another three cards off the deck – princess of the sun, three of turnips, five of clouds. She scanned the cards before her. Not a single move to be made. A cry of frustration started low, rising up her lungs as she smashed the cards onto the ground.

“Arrrrgghhhh!” she cried, leaping to her hooves. “That boring, lowly, useless colt thinks he can make a fool out of Trixie, does he?”

Trixie stomped around the empty waiting room as her temper dissipated, brooding. She had been there for hours, although how many, she wasn’t sure – she knew it had definitely been light out when she arrived, that much was obvious.

“Trixie will not stand for this level of disrespect! She will report you to your superiors, do you hear Trixie? You’ll never work again!”

Trixie’s voice echoed back to her as she caught her breath. With a bit of magic, Trixie filtered the cards back into her hat as she straightened her cape. If she was going to get that foal fired, then she was going to have to look her best. With a deep breath, she composed herself as best she could and scanned the room for a door, a plaque, anything that might indicate a pony who could drive that clerk out of a job.

“Now Serving: 237”

Trixie did a double-take. Somepony must have been updating the board while she was waiting. Thoughts of vengeance were quickly shoved aside as hope of escaping the dreadful waiting room and getting the licence quickly took priority. Trixie trotted over to the clerk’s booth and knocked on the blinds.

“Hey! You there, pencil-pusher! It’s Trixie’s turn now, open up!”

The blinds quickly parted, revealing the clerk in mid-yawn. Trixie’s eyes narrowed – they had been sleeping on the job! Still, she swallowed her indignation. Escape, and with it, profit, took a priority over justice.

“Number?” the clerk asked.

Trixie wordlessly levitated the token across the counter.

“Name? First, middle, last, please.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

“Come again?”

“Trixie’s name is the Great and Powerful Trixie! Trixie couldn’t make it any more clear!”

“How do you spell that?”

Trixie could feel her temper slipping. “It’s spelled like it sounds, you moron!”

“Alright then, Ms. Trixie, no need to get snippy. Occupation?”

“The greatest showmare and entertainer who ever lived!”

“Uh huh,” the clerk replied, turning to a filing cabinet behind him. Trixie waited, tapping her hoof impatiently on the counter.

“Could you be more specific, Ms. Trixie? What is it you do, exactly?” the clerk asked, still facing the cabinet.

“Trixie performs some of the most amazing feats of magic and daring in all of Equestria!” she said proudly, striking one of her more dramatic poses.

“Mhmmm... one moment...”

Trixie fell back on all four hooves, annoyed that the clerk hadn’t even seen her amazing pose. As the seconds dragged on, she amused herself by staring at the back of the clerk’s head and imagining them prostrated on the ground before her. The daydream grew more vivid, other ponies also groveling before her greatness, before a strange motion snapped her back into the present. The clerk appeared to be convulsing, his shoulders shaking wildly.

Trixie almost felt a twinge of concern, at least until the clerk turned around. The colt had tears in his eyes and was biting his lip as if fighting to keep his mouth under control.

“H-h-heh-her,” the clerk started, cut short as the convulsions grew until he had to bend over, shoulders rolling like waves.

Trixie watched and waited, gritting her teeth as her patience wore thin.

“H-here you are,” the clerk continued, still on the floor, his hoof appearing at the edge of the counter. “Your—haha—licence, Ms. Trixie...”

Trixie stared at the large document as it slid across the smooth wood, blood draining from her face.

“Great and Powerful Trixie: Maregician”

Trixie stared in horror as her eyes focused on her title, written plain and clear in bold, dark ink. The clerk, seemingly giving in, burst out laughing, the sound of his hooves beating against the floor barely registering in Trixie’s ears. All she could hear was the laughter. Blood rushed back into her face like a tsunami, a deep red blush radiating down her body. Trixie bit her lip and snatched the scroll off the table, shoving it as deep in her hat as possible as she galloped out of the building, the clerk’s echoing laughter still ringing in her ears.

“Unacceptable! Unacceptable!”

She had been shouting the same word over and over again for hours, but the licence refused to change. Trixie glared at the piece of paper through the tears, but even then she could read the shameful, horrifying word.

“Maregician? Maregician! Shameful! Unacceptable! Ludacris!” she screamed again, her ragged voice barely leaving her throat. She took a deep gulp from her mug of tea and continued storming around her wagon, as if walking away from the word would make it disappear.

“What foal would give Trixie such a title? What foal would accept such a title? Trixie will be the laughing stock of all Equestria! Display that... display that thing every time she wants to perform? Don’t make Trixie laugh!” she cried, her voice breaking as she slammed her hoof on the table.

“Trixie will never accept this, never! The Great and Powerful Trixie isn’t somepony to be trifled with!”

Trixie shot another withering glare at the scroll, silently demanding reality to take its rightful place as subservient to her whim. As if in response, the scroll slid off the table, flipping end over end as it fell. Trixie trotted over, contemplating grinding the offending document beneath her hoof – a fate it so clearly deserved – when a sparkle caught her eye.

The Celestial seal of approval glowing in all its glory.

Trixie’s eyes widened, an idea taking shape. Why should she bother going back to that impudent clerk, or their superior, when she could go straight to the top? Princess Celestia was the one who instituted the system after all, so it was clearly her fault! Trixie admonished herself for being so dense. It was so very simple! All Trixie had to do was get an audience with Princess Celestia and demand that her title be changed! Then she wouldn’t have to deal with this annoyance anymore.

But time was of the essence – every minute she couldn’t perform was another bout of applause for somepony else, another hat full of bits that she wasn’t making. Trixie swept through the wagon, gathering her hat and cape, absent-mindedly tossing the last of the mug in the sink. As she burst through the door, she barely registered that she had spent the whole night seething. There were more pressing matters at hoof.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands an audience with Princess Celestia!” Trixie said, trying to stare the guard down.

The colt stood motionless, staring off into space.

“Trixie said: ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie demands and audience with Princess Celestia!’”

“Um, excuse me miss...” a voice called from beside her.

“Not now, Trixie is trying to talk,” Trixie replied, not taking her eyes from the colt’s.

“That’s just the thing, you see...”

Trixie groaned and turned to confront the minor annoyance. The small mare shrank under her glare, and rightfully so.

“What is it? What is so important that you have to interrupt Trixie when she is trying to conduct business?”

“Uh... well, you do know you can just go right in, right? C-canterlot Castle is open to the public,” the teal mare murmured, motioning towards the open door.

Trixie glared at the mousy unicorn for a moment, gathering her thoughts. “Of course Trixie knew that!” she said loudly, making sure the guard heard her. “Trixie just thought it would be much simpler if Trixie asked this guard for directions.”

“Well, if you need directions to administration, I could... show you?”

“Yes, you’ll do. Guide the Great and Powerful Trixie to Princess Celestia!”

Trixie chuckled to herself as she followed the mare into the castle. Everything was going according to plan: now all she had to do was find Princess Celestia, and everything would be exactly as she wished.

As they traveled through the winding castle hallways, Trixie watched other ponies bustle about, carrying loads of paperwork and scrolls throughout the castle. The entire building seemed to be alive, a giant hive of bureaucrats and frivolous nobles all spinning around in circles. Trixie smiled as she watched a colt bumble past, overloaded with scrolls. What a sad, meaningless existence.

Trixie turned to watch him go, the precarious pile of scrolls tilting, almost falling, when she was knocked on her haunches by something soft.

“Ah... are you o-okay?” the mare asked.

“Yes, Trixie is fine, no thanks to you! You shouldn’t stop so suddenly.”

“Yes, you’re right, sorry... we’re here, b-by the way. The Visitation Department,” the mare stuttered, waving a hoof towards a row of counters staffed by clerks.

The sight of the clerks and counters sent a wave of deja vu and anger sweeping down Trixie’s spine. “This will do, thank you. Trixie will be leaving you now.”

“Ah, you’re welcome... m-my name is—”

“Yes, thank you,” Trixie said, trotting off towards the nearest clerk.

“Trixie demands an audience with Princess Celestia.”

The clerk showed no sign of hearing her.

“Hey, you there, you!” Trixie continued, tapping on the glass that formed the upper half of the booth. “Don’t you dare ignore the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Still, the clerk didn’t even so much as bat an eye.

“Do you have any idea who you are dealing with, you meaningless worm? Trixie is the Great and Powerful Trixie! What Trixie wants, Trixie gets – and Trixie wants an audience with Princess Celestia. Do you understand?”

Silence.

“Fine! If you insist on being so useless, Trixie will just take her business elsewhere!” With a sharp turn, Trixie raised her head high and trotted down three booths. A good snubbing would teach that foal a lesson, she was sure of that.

Trixie puffed herself up as she approached the next clerk, a elderly mare. In her most regal, demanding tone, Trixie said, “The Great and Powerful Trixie demands an audience with Princess Celestia.”

Nothing. Once again, the clerk didn’t move so much as a hair.

Trixie felt her head start to throb.

“You foal! You unimportant, meaningless cog in this giant, useless lump of stone! Listen to Trixie! You think you can ignore Trixie and get away with it? Huh? Trixie is talking, why don’t you say something, hm? Maybe, just maybe, if you say something right now, if the first words you say are ‘Sorry, oh Great, Amazing, Magical, Powerful Trixie, I was too dumb to hear your command, would you please forgive me?’ and you prostrate yourself before Trixie, Trix—”

The sound of hoofsteps behind her snapped Trixie out of her rant. Spinning around, Trixie spotted a clerk trying to tip-hoof around the corner. Trixie snarled – some foal thought they could avoid her, make a fool out of her!

The clerk, seemingly aware that he had been spotted, tried to make a dash for it, but was simply no match for Trixie’s enraged speed.

“You there, caterpillar, stop this instant!” Trixie screamed, tackling the fleeing pony.

“I-I-I H-h-hel—”

“Shh, quiet. The Great and Powerful Trixie is speaking,” Trixie said quietly, her hoof pressed against his snout. “Now then, Trixie is going to remove her hoof and ask you a few questions, and you are going to answer them. Is that clear? Nod if you understand.”

The colt shook his head slightly, and Trixie removed her hoof.

“Now then, Trixie wants an audience with Princess Celestia. How does Trixie get one?”

“Uh... Princess Celestia isn’t tak—” the colt started, but Trixie placed her hoof over his mouth again.

“That doesn’t sound like a ‘how,’ that sounds like a ‘no.’ Trixie doesn’t want to hear ‘no,’ do you understand? Trixie will remove her hoof now.”

“You n-need to talk to get form T2-439 from that clerk over there,” the colt answered shakily, gesturing towards the first clerk Trixie had talked to.

“Trixie already tried talking to that one,” she snapped, “and they ignored Trixie, the nerve!”

“That’s because you need form D452-930 to speak to a T2-439 clerk.”

“And where, pray tell, would Trixie get this D452-whatever?” Trixie asked, allowing the colt to get back to his hooves.

“From that booth over there,” the colt said, nodding towards the elderly mare clerk.

Trixie looked down the row of booths, which continued off into the distance and around the corner, and felt the pieces come together. When she turned to face the clerk again, she found nothing but empty air, the colt long gone. Trixie felt a tremor travel up her hind legs, her left eye started twitching, and then something snapped.

When she came-to, Trixie found herself in the grasp of two of Celestia’s high guards, screaming Celestia’s name at the top of her lungs. After a few minutes commanding, demanding, and eventually, attempting to reason with the guards, Trixie simply resigned herself to being carried. Not that it was all bad – being carried by the royal guards made Trixie feel like a princess, at least until they dumped her on the pavement outside the gate and slammed it shut behind her.

Trixie watched them go. Good riddance to bad rubbish! Who needed guards who couldn’t even follow simple orders, especially ones given by one as great and powerful as herself? She picked herself up and brushed the dust away with magic, straightening her hat and cape. As she finished preening, a large scroll tumbled out of her hat and unfurled on the ground. The vocational licence – just the sight of it ignited a blazing fire of hatred in her chest.

As Trixie swept up the shameful evidence, her thoughts turned towards the source of her misery – Princess Celestia. It was her fault that Trixie was stuck with this shameful title, that she was tossed out on her rump in the dust like some commoner. Oh, Celestia would pay for this indignity, Trixie swore to herself. On her Great and Powerful name, Trixie swore that Celestia would pay for every single ounce of humiliation Trixie had experience, thousand-fold.

“Now then,” Trixie muttered to herself, “Trixie, Trixie, how are you going to do this?”

“Simple,” she replied, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is going to do what she does best – be the best!”

Trixie laughed to herself. If those foals were going to try and stop her with paperwork, then she would one-up them. Not a stack, not a pile, not a tome, but an avalanche of paperwork. She would crush them all at their own game! Those pencil-pushers wouldn’t know what hit them. With one last chuckle, Trixie galloped off towards the royal Canterlotian library.

“What do you mean, Trixie isn’t allowed into the law archives? This is a public library, isn’t it?”

“Well, yes, it is, but that doesn’t mea—”

“Yes, it does! Public means public, and that means open to everypony, all the time! Don’t try and muddy the issue by re-defining terms,” Trixie hissed, tapping her hooves on the librarian’s desk. Trixie was starting to run out of patience. She had been arguing with the same donkey librarian for over twenty minutes, forced to maintain a whisper by the library rules. Trixie was not so low-brow as to be loud in a library.

“Look, Trixie, I know it’s a public library, but the law archives haven’t been sorted or organized in years! If you need to find something, why no—”

“Then Trixie will sort it herself, she doesn’t care. Just let Trixie into the archives already! Trixie doesn’t have all the time in the world.”

“Even if you did, it’s been sealed by royal decree—”

Trixie could tell that her sudden grin had startled the librarian, and for good reason. Trixie put on her sweetest, kindest smile, and started whispering as quietly as possible.

“Oh, Trixie understands, she understands exactly what the situation is. You tried to hide it, didn’t you? But it’s too late, Trixie saw. After all, it has to be ‘displayed at all times,’ right? Your license, right there, under that pile of scrolls...”

The librarian noticeably paled. “P-please, don’t tell anypony,” she quietly sobbed, “I couldn’t bear it, please.”

“Sure, sure, Trixie’s little ‘Librayrian,’ Trixie won’t tell anypony. Just give her the keys to the law archives, and it will be our little secret.”

Trixie watched with glee as the donkey quietly shoved a set of iron keys across the desk, which she quickly snatched up with magic.

“Third door on the left, second basement,” the mare whispered, biting her lower lip to hold back the tears.

Trixie tossed the set of keys up in the air, catching them with magic as she walked away, laughing to herself. Librayrian? What sort of pathetic pony would you have to be to allow yourself to be called that? It made Trixie sick to think that there were ponies out there who were so weak. Her thoughts flew back to the vocational licences and the task at hand, and she doubled her pace.

The stairs she conquered easily, the door was located, and the lock undone, but she hadn’t expected the mountain. The landscape of the archives was less of a library and more of a paper dumping ground. Trixie could see why the librarians, and the princesses, had sealed the archives – if they hadn’t, somepony might have seen how incompetent they had been, and for how long! Trixie shook her head in disgust.

“Well, if Trixie wants something done right, Trixie needs to do it herself,” she whispered, releasing a burst of magic. A few books and scrolls picked themselves up, floating their way onto the shelves. A moment later, another bunch picked themselves up and continued to their new resting place. Trixie hunkered down on a pile of old tomes and picked up the nearest volume. Something told her this process would take a while.

“An Equestrian Lawmaker, assuming they are a qualified citizen, must have all proposed bills and forms checked and signed by an Equestrian Official Notary before they may be considered official... now where did Trixie see that term before?”

A scroll covered in scribbles, numbers, and titles floated closer, called by Trixie’s magic.

“Right! Volume 1.30.485, Equestrian Legislative Procedure, Staffing Regulations.”

Trixie double-check her notes, cross-referencing the freshly-summoned volumes. A wayward quill floated by as she scratched her head.

“None of this makes any sense... the records go back for hundreds of years, and yet there has never been a law repealed? Not even one? What madness is this?”

Trixie’s descent into Equestrian law had been slow and painful. The archives were entirely disorganized, some tomes defying all reasonable chronology. Initially, Trixie had searched for a means to have her title changed. When she found no such official pathway, she instead looked for a way to repeal a royal decree, but that too seemed impossible – so much as altering a law seemed impossible, let alone repealing one. Trixie summoned another volume, taking a bite of an apple at the same time.

“A ’questrian Offishal Notry,” she muttered, swallowing, “is defined as a citizen of Equestria given Notary status via entry into the Reliable Witness Table via document 34-B/4-5... and according to ‘Officiale Documentae, Canterlotian Justice,’ anypony on the Reliable Witness Table can apply for the position of royal Equestrian Judge, who can propose ratification of law...” Trixie trailed off.

With a cry of frustration, Trixie summoned up the three newest tomes in the archive. The trio had been the cause of most of her headaches. Broken tables and missing figures abounded. Opening to a page at random, she started taking notes.

“... according to subsection M3.9, as defined by Princess Celestia, the subject in question may, according to their rights as listed in table 4F, something.”

Trixie did a double-take, re-reading the sentence carefully. It really did say ‘something,’ literally spelled out, clear as day, black and white, ‘something!’ Things started to click. Picking another random page, in another volume, Trixie read on.

“If at any time, time as defined by Princess Celestia, the information in question were to be in existence, then the item in question is to be held in question, as if it never existed. The question in question must then be questioned for proper detaining.”

Now Trixie was sure of it – that sentence had convinced her. Equestrian lawmaking and bureaucracy was a total sham. The entire thing was a shambling monstrosity of self-referential and self-contradictory paperwork, not to mention that most of the laws were full of nonsense, and did nothing but obfuscate the already complicated system. As she continued reading, one thing kept coming back – the laws increasingly required Princess Celestia’s definitions to function, something that wasn’t clearly given in any of the volumes – which meant that ponies still had to ask her for clarification.

Somehow, Trixie sincerely doubted that anypony actually did that anymore. If anything, Celestia had just capitalized on the confusion to completely control the government, beyond simply her royal rights. The princess was probably sure that nopony would ever be able to comprehend enough of the system to challenge her, let alone use it against her. That arrogance would be her undoing, if Trixie had anything to say about it.

“Now let Trixie see,” she said, taking another bite. “Whersh dish 34-B/4-5 table?”

Trixie dipped her hooves into the wagon’s sink, splashing water on her face. The lack of sleep had done a number on her, but that was secondary when she thought of how close and sweet vengeance would be. She smiled, remembering the look on the librarians’ faces when she had left the archives after three days of intense work. They looked like they had seen a ghost or something. Trixie turned, gathering up the remains of the paperwork, the last briefcase snapping shut with a satisfying click. With a last count, Trixie was out the door, on the way to Canterlot Castle.

The first obstacle was always going to be the guards. After her last outburst, she expected to have been placed on some sort of blacklist, but no matter: Trixie was prepared for such an eventuality. As she approached the entrance, the guards predictably barred the door with their wings. Trixie simply smiled.

“Lower your wings,” she commanded.

No response.

“You dare ignore a direct command from a superior officer?” Trixie shouted, turning to the nearest guard.

The guard’s expression wavered, confusion in his eyes.

“That’s right! Trixie is the General of the Royal Guard!” she continued, a slip of paper freeing itself from one of the seven briefcases floating around her. With a quick flash, she waved the certificate before both of their faces before sealing it back in the briefcase. It wouldn’t do for them to see that every signature on it was hers.

“Trixie’s shown you the proper paperwork – will you allow Trixie through as commanded, or will Trixie have to hold you in contempt?” Trixie chuckled at that last part – as if she didn’t do that already!

The two guards looked at each other, as if pleading the other for help. Trixie sensed weakness.

“There might be a promot—”

Before she had even finished her sentence, the two guards had folded their wings and were kneeling before her.

“Much better! Now then, ach-ten-chun, step aside, and follow Trixie!”

Trixie burst through the door, making as much noise as physically possible, anything to get the bureaucrats attention.

“You there, number one,” she said to one of the guards, “point Trixie towards Princess Celestia’s chamber. Do a good job, and Trixie might not have you thrown out of the force.”

The guard pointed down a side-hall.

“Good, Trixie’ll be taking the long route then! You two stay here,” she said, laughing, as she barreled into the stream of paperwork-bearing ponies. Now came the fun part.

“Wait! Ma’am, you can’t be here—”

“You dare to speak in such a manner to an Equestrian Judge?” Trixie said, looking down at the grey colt.

“B-but...”

“Here, take this,” Trixie commanded, floating a briefcase to the clerk, “and file this immediately. And Trixie does mean immediately!”

“Uh...”

“Snap to it!”

Trixie shoved past the still stunned clerk and continued on, meeting nothing but the expected resistance as she traveled the floor towards Celestia’s chambers.

Minor Floor Clerk, 3rd Class: briefcase.

Master Notary Clerk, 1st Class: briefcase.

Security Checkpoint One: briefcase.

Security Checkpoint Two: briefcase.

A different briefcase for each situation, a different set of forms specifically tailored for the challenge. Trixie couldn’t stop laughing – it was so much easier than she had anticipated. Not one of the ponies had expected to be challenged, let alone out-maneuvered. Trixie took a deep breath, composing herself. Now, outside of Celestia’s main chambers, it wouldn’t do to show the slightest weakness. Still, Trixie smiled. It was time to put on a show, after all.

With a burst of magic and smoke, Trixie slammed the doors open and lept into the chamber, one briefcase already open, the papers swirling around her like a tornado. The high royal guards were fast, but not fast enough to avoid the small seeker-missiles of paper, each one a copy of an appointment form. Trixie stood confident amongst the chaos – after all, she had every legal right to be there. She should know, she ratified a third of them just a few days ago.

The guards, recovering from the initial shock, circled her, preparing to strike – but it was too late. The last paper-missile had reached its intended target. Trixie watched as Princess Celestia read the document, both front and back, before silently waving the guards aside. The princess spoke first.

“So, Judge-Notary-Lawmaker-Scribe-Carrier Trixie, why is it that you so greatly wish to have an audience with me?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie will do fine for our purposes, your highness,” Trixie said, tipping her hat slightly. “I’ve come to demand that you repeal V34-591 and associated addendums V34-590 and V34-591B.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible, my beloved subject. The vocational tracking system is already in full swing, and has already proven quite useful to the tax and relief fund system.”

“Then at the very least,” Trixie cried, “Trixie demands you change her job title to showmare!”

“That, too, is impossible. Just glancing over the paperwork you’ve done to arrive at this point shows that you know the current state of things here in Equestrian bureaucracy – once something has been filed, making an addendum or alteration to it is beyond impossible!”

Trixie bit her lip and hung her head, her hat casting her face in shadow.

“I’m sorry, my little pony,” Princess Celestia continued, a smile on her face, “but you seem to have wasted your time. I’m sorry for your circumstances.”

Trixie could hear the insincerity in the princess's voice. “One more thing, my Princess!”

“Yes?”

“Am I correct in believing that this entire system, including the titles, was authored and ratified by yourself, as recorded in the archives?”

“That is correct, Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“Then,” Trixie said, snapping her head up straight, unable to hide her triumphant grin any longer, “you wouldn’t mind also being a part of the system, would you?”

Trixie watched with glee as the princess’s cool demeanor started to fail. Trixie could see it in her eyes – she knew what was coming, she just had no concept of how bad it really was.

“Why, it just doesn’t seem fair to Trixie that all the citizens of this fair country have to display these vocational licences, and our princess does not – so, as Trixie made her way here, she put a few documents in motion beyond the required ones. An application, in fact. Filed in septuplicate,” Trixie added, opening the final briefcase onto the floor.

Celestia levitated one of the license forms up to her chair while Trixie watched, eager. The dawning look of horror on Celestia’s face was almost enough to sooth Trixie’s anger, but she had to rub it in as much as she could.

“That’s right, Prancess Celestia. Could you imagine it now, a being like you, immortal, Equestria’s Prancess for all time? By your own law, you will need to have that form displayed publicly at all times. It’s a shame you can’t somehow repeal the application, but by your own admission such a thing is impossible... right?”

Trixie sneered a smile at the newly appointed Prancess Celestia, watching as the cage the former princess had constructed for Trixie now clamped around herself instead.

Trixie continued talking, ignoring the increasingly pale prancess. “Now, if something were to happen to the archives for the Vocational System, such as a freak fire that destroyed all evidence that such a thing ever existed, then nopony would have to know, isn’t that right, my prancess?”

Celestia nodded slowly, the idea taking hold.

“Good, then we are in agreement. The Great and Powerful Trixie will be taking her leave now, Prancess Celestia,” Trixie said, and with a final laugh, dashed a smokescreen on the ground.

Trixie took a sip from the mug of tea, watching the column of smoke rise off into the distance. There was something nostalgic about the smell of a roaring fire and a hot cup of tea that just relaxed Trixie to no end. With a contented sigh, Trixie stood up from the soft grass and trotted over to the road, where her wagon waited. The hill had been the perfect viewing point for the growing bonfire outside Canterlot, but now it was time to get moving. After her little show in Canterlot Castle, it would probably be wise to make herself scarce. With one last glance at the city, Trixie set the wagon in motion, her way lit by a particularly well burning 'Maregician' license.

Creator

If it had been any other pony, Twilight would have let it go. Stranger things had happened in Ponyville recently, and given the circumstances, it could have been a minor attempt at variation. But it hadn’t been just any other pony, it had been Applejack. Yesterday, she said “Yo.”

Applejack never said “Yo.”

Twilight sat in her study, wondering if she was going crazy. Menial details always gnawed at her sanity before, and now didn’t seem to be an exception. It couldn’t be a coincidence, not with all that occurred yesterday. The day everypony stopped being themselves.

Applejack never said “Yo.” Not once, as far as Twilight could remember. Perhaps if it had been just this one thing, she would not have given it any mind. But it hadn’t. Something was wrong in Ponyville, but she couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. So she sat, not knowing what she sat upon, thinking. Maybe it was time to investigate.

Standing up from a chair Twilight never knew she had, she went to grab a magnifying glass that she never bought from a corner desk that was never there. Objects were like that now: wild. She didn’t know why or how they got there, only that they were there. As she held the magnifying glass, an uncontrollable urge to speak struck her, as if somepony was forcing her to talk.

“There’s no mystery that can’t be solved by Twilight Sparkle, Detective Extraordinaire!” she said in a voice that was both hers and not hers. Wooden. Why did I say that? She had never been a detective, let alone an extraordinaire. Her hoof holding the magnifying glass raised itself over her head. “Time to start the adventure!” she said in the same tinny voice.

She felt something, a presence leaving; that was the best and possibly only way to put it. She’d felt like an actor on stage, meant to read her lines for the audience. Or perhaps, a marionette. What adventure? What just happened? Thinking about it only made her head hurt.

Knocks on the door echoed throughout the library tree, disturbing Twilight’s train of thought. She quickly ran to the door, magnifying glass in hoof, although she didn’t quite understand why she needed it.

Rarity opened the door before Twilight could get a hoof on the handle.

“Hello, Twilight. Have you seen Opulance? I haven’t seen hide nor tail of her for days!” she said.

“Don’t you mean Opalescence?” Twilight stared at her friend. Rarity would never forget her beloved cat’s name.

“Op…Opa… Obselescence?”

“Let’s just go with Opal. No, I haven’t seen her.” Twilight inspected her friend a bit closer. Rarity’s face was contorted in confusion and fear, expressions completely separate from what she was saying.

The presence returned to Twilight. Like before, she was forced to speak. “Do not fear, missus Rarity! Twilight Sparkle, Detective Extraordinary is on the case!”

Wasn’t it Extraordinaire before?

“I meant Detective Extraordinaire!” Twilight clarified.

“Twilight, hel—“

The presence left Twilight in an instant.

“Oh, thank you, Twilight! I don’t know what I’d do without my precious Opal. But how will I ever repay you?” Rarity said. Her expressions began to match her speech.

Insatiable lust began to overtake Twilight. Rarity never looked so beautiful, so vulnerable before. Twilight had to have her. The presence was back.

“You know my fee.” Twilight felt herself wink.

Rarity most certainly did not know Twilight’s fee, because there never was one. But she responded nonetheless, “Of course, anything for you.” She blushed.

“All right! Time to investigate!” Twilight said, her hoof giving Rarity a playful slap on the flank as she passed by. Rarity opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but swooned and collapsed on the ground instead. Twilight wanted to ask if she was okay, but her body was moving on its own accord.

Twilight ended up walking around in a circle for an hour or so before she regained control. Apparently the presence couldn’t decide where to go, but Twilight’s mind was already made up. First stop was Zecora’s. She had to figure out the cause of this weirdness and who better to ask than one of the strangest around?

Running as fast as she could, Twilight headed for the Everfree. Friends and strangers alike yelled out, wondering why she was in such a hurry. Nopony wanted to leave Ponyville, right? Before she could take a single step outside Ponyville, though, she lost control of her body. Not again.

For a moment, Twilight felt her eyes concentrate on the sky. At first, it was a blank blue template, devoid of clouds, or even a sun: a blue backdrop and nothing more. Then, it illuminated with exquisite detail. Why had she never realized how beautiful the sky could be? Thin wisps of clouds covered the radiant rays of the sun, giving the scene a gloomy noire feel. Why was the sky important, though?

Confused, Twilight kept moving. She didn’t know where she was going, but by the looks of it, she was headed to Applejack’s. Great, just what I needed: another distraction. Her hooves continued moving, despite her internal protests.

Sweet Apple Acres appeared on the horizon as she walked. Why are you taking me there? Twilight thought, for the first time attempting to speak to the presence. The presence did not respond. Hello? She tried again, to no avail. She sighed, inwardly, because facial expressions were beyond her control at this point.

Twilight knocked on the barn door. A cacophony of sounds answered: rumbles, tumbles, yells, giggles.

“Be there in a minute,” a voice that certainly was not Applejack’s, or any member of the Apple family said.

To Twilight’s surprise, Rainbow Dash opened the door, but left the lower half shut. “Oh, hey Twilight. We were expecting you,” she said, though looking at Rainbow’s eyes showed quite the opposite. Fear, along a bit of relief shown through, but her face showed anything but expectance. “We’ve been having a regular party in here, haven’t we?”

Little by little, other ponies began to crowd around the barn door. “Yes we have, Sugarcube,” Applejack said, stroking Rainbow Dash seductively under the chin. Both of them looked extremely uncomfortable. It was their eyes.

“Big Mac and I have been having a wonderful time,” Fluttershy said. A grin forcibly spread itself across her face. “Isn’t that right, honey?”

Big Mac said nothing, his eyes focused on Twilight and nothing else. They were wide with alarm and sent only one message. Run!

“Have any of you seen Rarity’s cat?” Twilight asked. The presence evidently had forgotten the name again. “I, Twilight Sparkle, Detective Extraordinaire, have been sent on a journey to find her and unfortunately cannot partake in your debauchery until after I find the cat.”

That sounded nothing like how she talked. The panicked gazes of the others turned from alarmed to resigned.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s necks turned so their heads faced each other like stiff puppets. It was grotesque to watch; they were clearly fighting against the presence with all their might to no avail.

“Well, promise y’all will come back afterwards, okay?” Applejack said.

“Yeah, can’t have a party without Twilight Sparkle!” Rainbow Dash said. The two looked at Twilight, determination in their eyes. Applejack managed to mouth “Don’t worry” before the presence took ahold of her again. Rainbow Dash gave a wink, not like the one Twilight had given to Rarity earlier, but a wink that communicated rebellion between two conspirators. You can do it.

The barn door shut, and Twilight was alone again. Truly alone, the presence was gone. Behind the door, Twilight heard things she never wanted to hear. She ran, trying to block out the sound as she raced to Zecora’s. It was only a matter of time before the presence returned, and she didn’t have any time to spare.

She sped through the streets of Ponyville with all the subtlety of a sonic rainboom. Newsponies cried out, “The Tyrant Celestia is dead! Long Live the New Lunar Republic!” Twilight paid them no heed. Ponies would write anything these days.

However, even in the most desperate situations, one must stand and gawk when the situation warrants it. For Twilight, this came in the form of Pinkie, who was no longer pink, but a light red, cuddling with a pitch black stallion Twilight had never seen before and Mr. Cake. Twilight felt her eyes concentrate on the black pony in particular. She noted his appearance in great detail: his wicked scar, his extreme attractiveness, his sexy and muscular build.

The space on the empty city street was replaced with the entrance to Sugarcube corner, and several buildings sprung up to flank it. Twilight hadn’t realized how blank the world was up until now; sections of the world were missing entirely. Where was the Carousel Boutique? The Mayor’s Building?

The aforementioned buildings appeared shortly thereafter. Shaking her head, Twilight turned her attention to Mr. Cake.

“Mr. Cake! Aren’t you married? And who the flying fuck is this, Pinkie?” The presence had returned. How long had it been there? She didn’t know. She also didn’t know what a “fuck” was, but she certainly wasn’t going to give a flying one.

Mr. Cake opened his mouth to speak, but his mouth clasped shut before he could.

The odd black stallion spoke instead, “Ah, hello Twilight Sparkle. My name is Richard, but you can call me Dick. I am the most talented pony in Ponyville: I can fly faster than Rainbow Dash, buck harder than Applejack, cast magic better than you even though I’m not a unicorn, and I’m secretly Luna’s father-son.”

“You must be the best, most popular pony in Ponyville. How do I not know you?” Twilight asked.

“Ah, that’s because I’ve been rooming with Celestia,” Dick said.

“That makes so much sense!” Pinkie said.

Twilight was forced into a nod. “Fascinating. I never knew. Have any of you seen Op-Opa—“

“Opalescence!” Pinkie said.

Dick gave her a hard look. Pinkie immediately shrank, her chipper face reduced to nothing more than a mild smile.

“No, we have not. Go now. You have something to do, and so do I,” Dick said.

Twilight skedaddled. She didn’t know what exactly was going on there, but it wasn’t healthy. Then again, nothing she had seen today was; yesterday was normal by comparison. Zecora’s never seemed so far away.

But Twilight pressed on. She would make it eventually—she had to. No way would she let her friends down. For the umpteenth time that day, Twilight ran towards Zecora’s, not knowing exactly what she ran on. Asphalt? Earth? She looked down, and the ground, a white path of nothingness before, swelled with the bright green of freshly grown grass. The presence seemed to linger, but not interfere. The feeling of actually having control of her body for once was something she began to cherish. Being a puppet was no way to go through life.

As Twilight neared the Everfree, she felt the presence fading. Perhaps it was because of the Everfree’s nature, or it perhaps it was just preoccupied with other things, but she was happy to be rid of it. She bee-lined for Zecora’s as soon as her home came within view.

“Welcome, my good pony friend. I hear on my advice, you greatly depend,” Zecora said, peeking her head out from the folds in her tent. Didn’t Zecora live in a tree?

Twilight stopped in her tracks. How did she know I was going to be here? Realization struck. No. Oh please, no.

“Zecora, you’re not you, are you?”

“Yes, I’m afraid that’s the way it has to be, Twilight Sparkle. The feelings you must have are, uh, charcoal?”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“Ah, screw it. Look, the creator wants to talk, he’s in a cave to the southwest. He’ll see you there.” Zecora’s eyes went wide. She took a rough-looking rag suspended by a hook, which Twilight could not see, but somehow knew was there, dunked it in her brew, and began violently washing her tongue out.

“Who’s the creator?”

Zecora shrugged. “I know not of what I speak, but this creator, you should seek. Go now, to the cave in the south, while I sit here and clean out my mouth.”

With naught but a nod, Twilight left. There had never been a cave anywhere near Zecora’s. But, when considering the source, anything was possible. The cave had to be somewhere close by, so Twilight walked, keeping her eyes peeled for a cave. On and on, she continued, but there was no cave to be found.

Suddenly, a massive cave appeared directly in front of Twilight. It simply appeared out of nowhere, with nothing grandiose like rising out of the ground, or a magical vortex. Twilight couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Ponies need to learn dramatics.

Twilight cautiously entered the light-less cave, unsure of where to go or what to do. How would she be? She had never been in this magically-appearing cave before. The presence returned, but did not take control and immediately left after only a few seconds. Twilight knew what to do, an internal knowledge of the cave’s surprisingly simplistic layout ingrained in her. She could see without light, casting an illumination spell pointless.

Continuing along the path, Twilight noticed a dull, neon-blue light emitting from her supposed destination. As she approached its source, she saw a pitch black figure radiating blue light that fluctuated in form and appearance sporadically. Each time, it would change and then revert to its original, figureless black glob of nothingness. Across several seconds, it was a draconequus, an alicorn, a changeling, Cerberus, and many more creatures that Twilight did not even recognize. Every form it took remained black with the same dull blue outline.

It spoke in a loud, booming voice that did not seem to just fill the cave with sound, but her mind as well, “Hello, Twilight Sparkle. I am Muse.”

Unsure of what to say to the spectacle before her, Twilight remained silent.

Muse laughed, the sort of titter than one gives to a filly who’s suffered a bad case of stage-fright. The sound felt unnatural, warped.

“Well, I suppose you’re wondering why you are here, aren’t you?”

Nothing.

“Or, perhaps you are more interested in me?” Several hydra heads emerged from the pulsating black glob, grinning at Twilight sardonically.

Twilight managed a nod.

“I thought so, Twiley,” Muse said in the voice of Shining Armor. “I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. And if you must pry into specifics, I am exactly what I say I am, a Muse.”

What?

“I feel your confusion, Twilight. Allow me to explain. This world and all other worlds are my will. I am not the creator you seek, but creation itself. You are but one of thousands of copies of Twilight Sparkle that have been created in the minds of others, and there is a world for each version of Twilight.” Muse’s voice reverted to its original tone, whatever that was.

“Wouldn’t that mean that I’m—?”

“Yes, you are but a work of fiction. In the grand scheme of things, though, does that really matter? You feel, regardless of being real of not. And therein lies the reason why you are here. Your creator does not know how to use your world.”

“My creator?”

“For every inspiration I bring, there is a creator who puts it into existence. He decides the regulations in which the world operates. But, the creator of this…” Muse grew two gigantic hands, spreading his arms to indicate the general area. “…obviously has no idea what he is doing.”

“But what can I do about that? I’m just some flawed copy of the real Twilight.”

“Wrong! You are Twilight Sparkle. Each of my inspirations is as pure as the source material. You have felt the creator’s touch, have you not? That is what makes this world flawed. But you, you can teach your creator what it means to be an actual pony in Ponyville.”

“But why are you telling me this?”

Muse sighed. “There are those with inspiration who lack the means to create the image that I gave. Nothing gives me greater sadness than a creator who cannot create. Go now, he is waiting for you. I will assist if necessary.”

Twilight didn’t want to know what Muse’s version of assistance was. Moving down the path, the blue keeping the cave lit gradually faded into nothingness. Eventually, Twilight came across another dimly lit area, different from before. The air felt malevolent, instead of the ominous air of Muse.

At the center of the area, the black stallion from before stood. He eyed Twilight cautiously, and the presence returned.

“Oh Twilight, I was so worried about you. I thought you had done something… drastic,” Dick said, with faux concern. “But, you see, this is my world, and you’re just a little pawn in it. So let’s go find the cat, though first I want you to do something for me first.”

The overwhelming lust Twilight experienced earlier with Rarity was back, even stronger this time. Never before had she seen a stallion so manly, so perfect. She practically drooled. Twilight fought against the feeling, but the bluntness of the emotion overtook her. She felt her mouth open to say something, though this time she resisted, empowered, clamping it shut before any words could escape.

Dick frowned. “Don’t you understand? You are my character! Mine! You will do as I say!”

The presence forced itself onto Twilight with even greater strength. Despite her resistance, Twilight could feel her mouth opening, although she still could keep herself from speaking.

“I… love… y—” She clasped her mouth shut. Her legs started moving towards Dick.

“I don’t think you understand, my dear, sweet Twilight Sparkle. I am your god here. You cannot resist me!”

Muse! Help!

Dull blue light filled the room with such intensity that Twilight was momentarily blinded. She felt something; something she hadn’t felt in what seemed like an eternity. Control. The presence had completely disappeared, not a trace remained. But it was more than that. The world, at least for the moment, had returned to normal, like the times before everypony went crazy.

Muse, taking the form of black Princess Celestia, stepped in front of Twilight.

“You see what your actions have wrought, Dick?”

Dick lay sprawling on the cavern floor, writhing in pain.

“Damn you! What did you do to me?! I can’t think of how to control it anymore! When I think, my mind goes blank!” he shouted.

Muse sighed. “You obviously could not be trusted to do as I ask, and attempt to paint the picture that I inspired you to do. I gave you this inspiration so you could understand what I wanted you to do with this world, but instead you manipulate your characters for your own, selfish reasons. You have no right to have use my power like this, thus I take my power back.”

“Screw you! I can still—” He tried to finish, but no words came out. He tried to move, but remained frozen in place. He couldn’t even manage a threatening glare.

For a while, Twilight thought he was dead. In a sense, he probably was.

“What’d you do to him?” Twilight asked.

“I took his inspiration. He can’t create without an image in mind, and that image comes from me. He’s harmless now.”

“What happens now?” she said.

“Wait.” Muse said. “It’ll be over soon.”

The pony formerly known as Dick liquated, slowly dissolving into a puddle of black nothingness. Huge amounts of white energy erupted from the area Dick had occupied, and the cave began to collapse. Not collapse in the tradition sense, but slowly ceased being.

“Muse, what’s going on?!” Twilight yelled.

Muse was gone.

Bits and pieces of the cave disappeared until there was nothing left, leaving Twilight on the grassy plain outside Zecora’s with nothing besides the magnifying glass she’d been carrying nonsensically the entire day.

A rather skinny blue unicorn with a quill-pen cutie mark approached. “Uh, excuse me, Ms. Sparkle? Were you looking for this?” She held a clawing Opalescence with her magic.

The presence was back, but different this time, gentle. It did not force Twilight to do anything, only acting as an observer, letting her conduct her business naturally. “Oh yes, why thank you!” she said. “And who are you?”

“Who, me?” The unicorn smiled. “My name Shy Sparrow, pleased to make your acquaintance! Now let’s get this little rascal back to where she belongs.”

Muse, what’s going on?

I brought in a new creator, one to better suit this world’s needs.

Twilight laughed. “I guess that’s another mystery solved by Twilight Sparkle, Detective Extraordinaire!”

Shy Sparrow laughed alongside her. They began walking back to town.

“So what do you do?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, I’m just a wanderer wanting to help a pony in need,” she said.

Twilight pointed to Sparrow’s cutie mark. “So you’re a writer, huh?”

Sparrow blushed. “Sure am! One day, I want to be the best in all of Equestria. But enough about me, let’s hoof this bundle of joy back to Rarity’s.”

Opalescence meowed.

They were back in Ponyville faster than Twilight had anticipated. Time seemed to fly by. Shy Sparrow stopped in front of the Carousel Boutique.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going, Ms. Sparkle. I’ll see you around sometime, okay?”

“Sounds great!” Twilight said.

Twilight never saw Shy Sparrow or Muse ever again. Perhaps that was for the best.

Inconsequential

Our story begins in a young town brimming with thoroughbred equines—well, as thoroughbred as you might expect from a place so ever populated with mares. Perhaps in earlier times—times where they kept to their earthly heritage—the statement could be said to be more true. O' I've seen some knackering about between horns and wings that would shy away even those most deviant, play even the most amorous of eyes would deem unfit for such creatures. But the lineage of our populace is not so important as to assign more time towards, so instead we continue to the declaration of our day’s happenings.

In a hollowed out tree trunk lay a delightful middle-aged mare, koshered up by her study with lamp overhead. Twilight Sparkle, ever the studious pony, maintained herself deep in analysis. But as all good things must come to an end, so did her reading, and it was at this point that the events of the day could transpire. It would be of no surprise that the story being read pertained to magic—though merely a story it be, for no nonsense of spells or incantations or rituals to be experimented with lay within—but some things are better left said than not.

The interruption which had so offensively made its way into the learned mare’s quarters bore itself in bright pink colours. “Twilight!” the colours yelled, “come quick!” And with nary a protest—well, as nary a protest as could be made by a bookworm being dragged from its haven—they set off.

A hospital set the scene, and the duo entered without a second glance from the clinic’s staff. (By Luna, those nurses need to take some security courses.) Twilight was wont to have more knowledge of the situation, but her companion was too busy between her guiding and bobbing and bouncing to lend such details. The bouncing continued into a room where a strapped down mummy of rainbows sat paralysed on an infirmary bed.

“My goodness, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said. “What happened to you?”

“Well,” she replied with a cough, “I kinda, uh, basically broke everything.”

Twilight made a few ramblings and musings whilst she examined her friend. “Are your wings made of paper or something?”

Pinkie Pie, bustling with excitement, interjected, “Rainbow sent me to get you because she said she found a spell that could make her all better and get her flying again!”

“Oh?” Twilight said, plot-device senses tingling.

Rainbow Dash indicated to a book on her bedhead. “Page twenty-seven.”

Needless to say, after a quick breeze through, Twilight was run mute in awe by the spell which lay on page twenty-seven. Yes, this spell was very naughty indeed, and Twilight was going to have none of it. “I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but this spell is too complicated. Who knows what could happen if I were to mess something up?”

“The footnote, egghead.”

Twilight checked the footnote and read aloud, “There are no possible repercussions to the casting of Instant Wing Repair. Any observed side effects are most certainly not a result of a misfired Instant Wing Repair.” Twilight placed a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. “I'm convinced,” she said. “If it's in a book, it must be true!” So say we all.

Needing not to bore with the details, it should be known that the spell produced ever so great a bright set of lights. But as lights are not too well able to repair broken wings, Rainbow Dash remained in her state of injury. “Is that it?” she said, profusely disappointed in Twilight's failings.

Twilight blushed and dropped her head down sheepishly. “I—I guess so.”

“Twilight,” Pinkie said, her voice becoming incredulous and her eyes becoming larger and larger. “Did you mess the spell up? Be honest.”

“How the heck should I know?” she said. “I just cast a completely new spell from a book I've never seen before without any prior practice planning or preparation. What were you expecting?”

“Uh, duh? Dashie's wings to be fixed? For a smart pony, you're not so smart sometimes, Twilight.”

Twilight shirked at the ever-growing pink stare. “Where'd you get this book from, anyway?”

Pinkie perked up, returning to her usual gaiety, and shot towards the window. Her eyes bounced against it and her hoof tapped it three times as she said, “This girl sold it to me. See, she's still—” Of course, the girl was long gone. “Hmm, I guess she's gone!”

Having no other method at her disposal to express her disappointment in Pinkie's naiveté, Twilight let out an exacerbated sigh and collapsed together her hoof and countenance. Then, having recovered from the grandeur of such an expression, she said, “Pinkie, you obviously bought a bogus spell-book.”

Not taking the accusation of being a gullible goose lying down, Pinkie responded, “Well obviously you messed the spell up.” Satisfied with her counterpoint, she trotted back to Rainbow Dash's side and pretended to nurse her.

While Twilight would ever love to continue such a heated debate, their deliberations were cut short by screams in the street. Everypony ran out to investigate—everypony except Rainbow Dash, who lay immobile in her bed. In her lonely reverie, she wept and dreamt of flying again. She turned to the Wonderbolts poster she had had pinned to the infirmary wall, looking on with hopeful eyes. Oh how she wished to be a Wonderbolt, so badly she wanted it. But, being paralysed, her goal ever so slowly dripped away, her dream painfully slipping by with each tick of the old grandfather clock. Fate be a harsh mistress.

In the town's centre stood a young, fiery biped. Her hair was long and thick and orange and draped around her head in a cool, natural coil. Her bawdy proportions were some thought not possible on such a creature—where did her organs lie?—but she appeared to be a perfectly functioning organism, for she spoke up and said coyly to the gawking crowd, “Um, hello.”

Twilight stood ahead of the crowd and said, “Great. Another one. Another human.” She sighed. “At least this one's local. Let's just get this over with quick.” Her horn lit with lavender greatness and brought from afar a quill and clipboard-bound list, which she grasped with simple autonomy and began reading through. “World of origin.”

The girl looked at her inquisitively and said, “Huh? Talking ponies?”

“Where do you come from?” Twilight said in a now annoyed tone.

“Oh! Earth, of course. Say, what is this—”

“Do you or do you not identify as a ‘brony’?”

“Sorry, what's a brony?”

Twilight ticked the “No” box and continued. “Do you or do you not claim to have heard of a franchise called ‘My Little Pony’?”

“No. I, er—I do not.”

Realising that Twilight had the situation under control, the crowd dispersed and went about their daily business.

“Do you or do you not wish to be turned into a pony?”

“What? Not really. I mean, I like ponies, but I wouldn't want to be one.”

Twilight sighed. “You're stuck here, just so you know. Wherever you're from? Gone. You'll probably go insane in a few weeks. Your best bet at not going insane is to become a pony and integrate into pony society.”

The girl looked at the pony like she was mad. “Sorry, what?”

Deciding that enough time had passed since her last facehoof, Twilight did as such, then continued, “Let's leave that one for later. Name?”

Finally letting Twilight's previous words set in, the girl became a tad irate. “Hey! I'm not insane!”

Twilight lowered her clipboard and looked at the girl through disinterested eyes. “Look, the same thing happened with all the other humans that have come here. For a few days it's all glamour and sunshines and rainbows, but then it wears off. Then they start trying to figure out a way to go home. Then they go insane because they can't find a way to go home. And before you ask, no, you're not dreaming. The persons who thought they were dreaming went mad a lot quicker, too, so get that one out of your head.” Twilight tapped her clipboard a few times and lifted it back up. “So I'll ask again: What's your name?”

“My name's Bloom, but—”

“Age.”

“Can you stop interrupting me? It's really rude, you know.”

“Sorry. It's just that we need to get this information and I've had this exact same conversation a few times more than I'd like to. I can answer all of your questions after the survey. So, again, age?”

“Seventeen.” So close.

“Species.”

“Uh, I guess I'm a girl?”

Twilight arched an eyebrow. “I'll just put down human. And I guess that answers gender.” She ticked a few more boxes before again lowering the clipboard. “All right, that's everything—everything about you, anyway. We're going to need you to go through all the previous visitors to see if you recognise any of them.” At that, Twilight coalesced all of the surrounding lights into an enrapturing ball of energy, enveloping the two in a great pool of light. In an instant, the light vanished, and the two were gone.

In an equally great flash, the two reappeared in a dank waiting room. An old mare, who sat behind a nearby desk in a white lab coat, hardly flinched as the lights banged about. She wearily lifted her eyes up over her newspaper to get a brief look at her visitors, then licked her hoof and flipped the page.

“Visitors?” Bloom said.

Twilight continued about her routine. “You might feel some side effects from the teleportation. Don't worry. It's only temporary.” She walked up to the desk and accosted the mare behind it.

“Taking the tour?” she said in a brass voice.

“Yes, please. She's just arrived. I'll need the list of current patients to see if she recognises any of them.”

The mare dejectedly pointed her hoof to some clipboard-bound papers behind her desk. “Right there, hun. Try not get the monkeys too revved up.”

“Thanks.” Twilight received the papers and handed them to Bloom. “See if you recognise any of these names,” she said, and guided her down the hall.

Bloom's senses were overwhelmed entirely by the uncanny situation. A reactionary, demure squeak came from her as she followed behind Twilight and glanced through the names; she didn't recognise any of them. They were all very weird names, and some of them even sounded made up. Jim Sparkle? Robert Rainbow Dash Jones? Stormchaser? None of those things sounded pretty. They must be boys' names.

“Ringing any bells?”

“Oh?” Bloom looked up in surprise as she was taken out of her daze and realised that Twilight, having reached the end of the hallway, had stopped walking. “No, not really.”

“Figures,” Twilight mumbled. “Anyway,” she said, pushing open the double doors and resuming their walk, “this is where we keep the humans—well, most of them.”

Once they walked inside, a lavender glow slammed the doors shut and Bloom heard a heavy clank. The room was large, square, and drab. With only two small grates acting as windows, most of the room's light was artificially supplied. Its walls were white and shiny, and the room had a very neutral air about it. On opposite sides of the room were two other hallways, one labelled “Humans” and the other labelled “Pony-Humans”. There were three humans in the room. The first lay asleep on an old beach chair, protected by the black, bushy hair fully covering his face. Another sat on the floor with his eyes closed and his legs crossed, focusing intently. Neither reacted to the intruders. The third jumped up from a beanbag as they entered and addressed them ecstatically.

“Twilight! How are you? Who's this? My, isn't she just the sweetest thing! What's your name, dear? Come to visit our little haven in Equestria?”

“Oh, hello!” she replied joyously, glad to finally speak to someone with only two feet. “My name's—”

“Her name's Bloom. She's just come here, and she's only visiting.”

The man's tacky grin flipped upside down into a clowny frown. “Oh, quit being such a stiff, Twi'. I was only being friendly. Yeesh. And you say we're the mad ones.”

Twilight brushed him off and continued through the room, leading Bloom towards the “Humans” hallway. As they exited the room, the man called out, “She already thinks you're mad, honey! May as well start now!” and laughed like a hyena.

“He seemed friendly,” Bloom said.

Twilight stopped walking. “Did you recognise him?”

“No.”

“Did you recognise the other two?”

“No.”

She resumed her walk. “That's all we need to know, then. Trust me—you don't want to stick around these people for too long. They can get a bit strange.”

Soon enough they reached the end of the hallway, its exit revealing a large, open grassland. A few houses were pattered about it, but it otherwise looked like a natural Equestrian oasis.

“This is where you keep them?” Bloom said.

“We're not savages. They don't need be locked up in a dungeon or anything. There's a magical barrier that keeps them in. Non-magical creatures can't get through it, so it keeps the ecosystem more-or-less isolated. They're free to frolic about in their lunacy as much as they'd like.”

“Oh!” Bloom perked up. “Just like at Alfea.”

In contrast with all the other things that she had said so far, this knocked Twilight right out of her autonomy. “What? Alfea? Where's that?”

Bloom chuckled. “It's a magic school. In the Magical Realm. It's just next door to—”

“Magical what? You said you were from Earth, right? There's no magical creatures on Earth.” Twilight paced back and forth. “No-no-no-no-no-no-no, this isn't right.” Then a thought came to her and her despair turned to glistening opportunity. “Show me your magic.”

Bloom was taken aback by her sudden change of tone. “Wh-what kind of magic?”

“Anything. Just show me some magic.”

After a short spot of hesitance, she did so. She clasped her hands together and mumbled something under her breath. Then her head transfigured into an enormous turnip.

Twilight giggled in glee. “Yes-yes-yes! Magical humans! The implications of this—the implications are astronomical. Magical Realm? All the rules of natural philosophy, all of physics—everything we know—it changes everything. You said there were others, too, yes? I have to tell Celestia. I have to write all this down. I—You need to come with me.”

Before Bloom could even un-turnip herself, Twilight once again clasped the two together in a giant shell of light.

Twilight rushed about her tree-trunk library, flinging and swinging all kinds of bits and pieces about the place in a frantic gait.

Bloom had her head in a dizzy from the teleportation and was busy trying to return to her regular, beautiful, human, non-turnip self.

Twilight stopped her search with a jerky head manoeuvre. Progress. An idea. She instantly galloped out of the library, returning minutes later with a book clasped firmly in her psychokinesis. She laid it down on the floor beside her vast collection of writing equipment and pointed to Bloom, who had now reversed her metamorphosis, and said, “All right, from the top. What were you doing before you were transported here? Anything out of the ordinary? Were you practising any new magic?”

“Nope. Nothing too special. I was just out shopping with Stella. ...Actually, she's probably wondering where I am right now. Do you guys have inter-dimensional telephones here?”

“Inter-dimensional telephones!” She scribbled some words the nearest piece of parchment. “Fascinating. No, we don't have them. But wow. Yes. I think I know how you got here, then. I cast a spell from this strange book here earlier. Do you recognise it?” She thrust the book into Bloom's vision.

“No, sorry.”

“That's all right. But there's definitely a reason why you're here. Pinkie got the book from some mysterious stranger. It was so obviously planted. Of course—of course it was. How could I ever mess a spell up? I didn't mess the spell up. It did exactly what it was supposed to! It brought you here.” Twilight paused to regain her composure. “So why would someone want me to bring you here? Did you annoy someone so badly that they wanted to send you to another dimension?”

But before Bloom could say, “I don't know,” for the day's nineteenth time, a shrill laugh resounded about the hollowed-out trunk—punctuated by an entire wall collapsing under a raging cacophony. The resulting rubble crashed atop the two inside, consuming them in dusty fumes and precarious rocks.

“Really, Darcy? You didn't need to blow the whole tree down.”

“Well gee, sorry. I didn't realise we were being polite now.”

“Will you two stop your bickering? We're here to get the Dragon Fire, not play little-fairy debate club.” The ringleader of the three wicked and innappropriately-clad women did a listless inspection of the room. “Well, well, well. Look what we have here—the pathetic little fairy, all by herself. Who's going to protect your precious little Dragon Fire now?”

Twilight and Bloom coughed from the motes of dust littering the half-destroyed library. “Wh—Who are they?”

“We're the Trix, and we're here to take what's rightfully ours,” the ringleader said coolly, summoning giant slates of ice around the two.

Twilight tried to conjure a response, but a screeching sound emanating from the darkest witch addled her. “That's so precious,” she said, and scowled.

Twilight struggled and groaned as the surrounding temperature became less and less bearable. “Bloom, do something!”

But she too was addled and paralysed under the weight of their opponents' magic.

“This was even easier than I was expecting,” the ringleader said, and walked up to the now stiff Bloom. She phased through her icy barrier and from behind clutched tight onto Bloom's throat and stomach. She laughed sadistically as magical veins siphoned the energy from her to herself.

“You... you have to do something,” Twilight said before her consciousness failed her.

You have to believe... believe in the heart of the ..., Bloom.

Seeing her not-really-a-friend in such an extreme condition lit a fire inside of her. She cried out with orgasmic anguish as a cutesy tune began to play from nowhere. One transformation sequence later, Bloom's frills became shiny and sparkly and her wings fluttery and potent and her face fierce and determined. But most importantly, she had the Dragon Fire.

The sisters three scrambled about in terror as fire reined in from all directions—scorching skies, palm-strike lava surges, raging coals erupting from the ground. It was hell on Equestria, and Celestia sure isn't paying collateral. The spunky fire spirit gave no quarter, frying the witches to spickley specks of pixie dust.

“What now?” Bloom said, sitting by Twilight's infirmary bed.

“Oh there's so much to do—so much science, so much analysis, so many books to rewrite. I don't know if you're stuck here, Bloom, but this definitely changes everything.”

Daring Do and the Accursed Atoll

Daring Do looked out at the sea, the ship bobbing up and down underneath her. The salty ocean breeze picked up, blowing her monochromatic mane into her face. Sighing, she blew it out of her face and returned to studying the horizon, thinking, and doing her best to ignore the bustle of the ferry. No matter what she focused on – the ocean, their destination, the horrid food – her thoughts always came back to one thing: her cutie mark, or lack thereof.

Ugh, why does everypony else my age have their cutie mark, but I can’t even get an inkling of what mine is going to be. I mean, it’s ridiculous for me to... no Daring. Remember what Dad said—

“Land ho!” yelled a reddish colt as he jumped on her back.

Daring Do chuckled. “Hey there squirt.”

He ran his hoof through her mane, throwing it back in her face again. “Hey Dare, why don’t you come look at the island? You haven’t left this side of the ship since it was spotted.”

Daring Do solemnly stared off across the ocean again, her eyes trained on the imposing storm clouds that were barreling towards them. “Because Rose, I’ll have plenty of time to explore when we get to the ruins, so why would I want to see some little island? That’d be like seeing your birthday presents, and then every day leading up to your birthday. When it finally got there and you could play with them, it wouldn’t be the same because you’d already know what they were.” She put on a brave smile and turned to face him. “So I’m going to unwrap the island and enjoy every moment of it, but until then I’m going to relax and watch the ocean.”

“I guess... Say, do you think Mom and Dad are gonna let us camp out on the island?” Rose asked as he tipped back his hat, pushing it a little too far and knocking it off his head.

Daring Do giggled as he scrambled to catch it. Leaning down, she picked up the safari hat and tossed it on her head. “If you aren’t careful, you’ll lose this and then what would you do? You, the great Compass Rose, would be completely lost in the jungle without his hat!” She paused and adjusted the hat on her head so that it sat tilted back like Compass Rose had tried to wear it.

“Very funny,” he quipped, rolling his eyes. “I wasn’t the one who got lost on a five minute hike into Whitetail Wood of all places. Or in the lower streets of Cloudsdale. Or in that one restaurant... what was it called again?”

“It was Saltgrass and it had very confusing signs!” she defended. “Besides, not everypony can have a special talent in finding direction like you.”

Compass Rose grimaced and nuzzled his sister. “I’m sorry Dare. I shouldn’t have brought that up... I’m sure you’ll get your cutie mark soon.”

“It’s fine. Just because you were the first to get a cutie mark in your class and I still don’t have mine doesn’t bother me,” Daring Do lied.

“If you say so...” Compass Rose slipped off Daring Do’s back, taking his hat with him as he landed next to her. “So, it shouldn’t be too long before we get there, whatcha want to do?”

“Well, I was just going to stand here and watch the clouds unless you had any better plans.” Daring Do’s stomach rumbled, just loud enough for Compass Rose to hear.

“How about we grab some lunch?” he asked, beaming. “You must’ve forgotten the time while you were day dreaming about caves or temples again.”

“Y-yeah,” Daring Do answered, a light blush rising in her face. “Some lunch actually sounds really good... can’t explore an island on an empty stomach!” she trumpeted, throwing a hoof in the air dramatically.

“Sometimes I wonder how you take after Dad so much,” Compass Rose said with a sigh. “C’mon, I’ve still got the money Mom gave me to make sure you ate today.” Turning, he led her across the deck to the stern of the ship and the concession stand that served as the restaurant.

She walked next to him, weaving their way through the small crowd. Every few moments she cast her eyes up and looked at the storm as it passed overhead, slowly blocking the sun. It exuded an almost menacing presence in her mind, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something about it was fundamentally unnatural.

“What can I get you miss?” asked the stallion at the counter.

Daring cocked her head, studying his white coat and light green mane.

“Ma’am?”

“I’ll have the Watercress Salad, extra cucumber,” she mumbled, her eyes never leaving the pony.

“Alright that’ll—“

“Do I know you?” she interjected, cutting off her study.

“No ma’am, I’ve worked here for years.” He paused, searching for what to say. “That’ll be twelve bits ma’am,” he finally said.

Compass Rose levitated the bits onto the counter as Daring Do took the bowl of salad and trotted to a table overlooking the sea. Sitting down, she looked up at the storm clouds hanging above the ship until Compass Rose joined her, sitting directly across from her.

“You’re getting good Rose. It used to take a lot of effort to lift that many bits,” Daring Do said, picking at her salad.

Compass Rose blushed, but his expression gave away his glee. “Yeah, I’ve been practicing every day. Things get kind of boring when Mom and Dad are off working or something and you’re out at your flight lessons, so I just use that time to practice my magic.”

“That’s really good! You’ve got to be one of the strongest unicorns in your class by now.” Daring Do smiled and took a big bite of her salad. “I mean, at this rate you’ll rival Star...” she trailed off.

A large drop of water sat on the tip of her nose. Looking up, she saw that the storm clouds were right above the ship, casting a dark shadow that blocked out the sky all the way to the horizon. Daring Do sighed. “Come on Rose, we should get back to the cabin until the storm lets up.”

She stood and pulled her brother close, covering him with a wing and protecting him from the rain. The torrent increased until it was coming down in sheets, nearly blinding her as she led him along the guardrail to the side of the ship. Coming to the first bulkhead, Daring Do opened it and ushered Compass Rose inside before stepping inside. She looked back out, straining to see anything through the darkness and the rain.

“Dare—“ Compass Rose was cut off as a large wave hit the side of the ship, spraying the hallway with water, sending him tumbling to the ground, and slamming Daring Do against the bulkhead door.

A sharp pain shot through her wing and her vision went black for a moment. As her sight returned, she stood and looked over at Compass Rose, who was laying sprawled out, but unharmed on the floor. Suppressing her desire to fawn over her wing, she put on a smile. “Hey Rose, you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” he said as he stood and looked at her. “Daring... your wing is all... bent.”

Daring Do turned her head to look at it. Her right wing was bent out of shape and had feathers sticking out. Flexing it, another sharp pain shot through her body, echoing with the previous jolt. “Don’t worry Rose,” she reassured him, “I’ll be fine. It’s just a sprain, happens all the time in flight training. In fact...” she trailed off, digging around in her bags for a moment before coming up with a roll of gauze. She wrapped it tightly around the wing, pinning it to her body in an all too familiar position. “See? All better!” she cheered.

Compass Rose walked up to her and poked the saddlebag. “What else do you have, huh? Nopony in their right mind carries around gauze and... Celestia knows what you keep in those bags.”

“A good explorer is always prepared!” she exclaimed, wrapping a hoof around Compass Rose. “You have to be prepared for—“

Another wave rocked the ship, cutting her off as they were swallowed by the water. The wave pulled them out, but Daring Do caught a hoof on the bulkhead, holding herself fast against the force of the water. The water abated, and Daring Do lifted herself up, grimacing as her wing shifted against the gauze.

“Whew, that was a close one, eh Rose?” Daring Do said, brushing her wet mane out of her face. Looking around when he didn’t answer, there was nothing. The only thing around her was the metal walls and the bulkhead door. “Rose!” she yelled as she galloped to the rail and looked down into the water, only able to make out the shape of his hat bobbing on top of the waves as they battered the hull of the ship. A sudden crack erupted behind her and the deck shook under her hooves. Without a single glance back or moment of hesitation, she leapt over the rail and dove into the water.

“Rose!” she yelled again, paddling towards his hat as fast as she could. The frigid water enveloped her, cold spears of icy pain piercing her coat. She struggled for breath, but only found water. Just as quickly as it had covered her, the water released her right in front of the hat. Grabbing it in her mouth, she looked around for anything, any hint of his brown coat or tan mane. Another wave hit her, the water dragging her down but she managed to stay afloat, riding the wave to its crest.

The only thing breaking the endless mountains and valleys of water was the small island a few lengths away. He had to have swam to the island, she thought, her legs automatically propelling her towards the beach. The island grew closer as the waves pushed her forward. She lost herself in the monotony of the waves and focused all of her energies on reaching the land in front of her.

After what felt like hours of swimming, her hooves hit the sand and she waded the rest of the way to the shore. As she came onto the beach, her legs gave out from under her and she collapsed, panting from exhaustion. She didn’t feel herself fall asleep. She didn’t feel her eyes as they drooped. She didn’t feel the rain let up. The only thing she noticed was the black taking over her vision as sleep overcame her.

All that existed was dark water, an unending expanse of it stretched out before Daring Do. Numerous pieces of debris floated through the watery void, debris that she recognized. Chairs from the restaurant, pots and pans, the bed from her cabin, a large wheel that she had seen the captain use.

“Dare,” Compass Rose’s voice echoed through her mind.

Daring Do blinked and shook her head, attempting to clear out the darkness that filled the water. Various pieces of debris floated past her, another broken chair, a piece of wood so broken it was unrecognizable, a twisted panel of metal that could only have come from the hull. She struggled to move, the water resisting everything she tried to do but she found herself able to move enough to propel herself.

“Daring,” came her brother’s distant voice again, this time traveling through the water.

Daring Do twisted her head, looking in every direction but only finding the unending expanse of water. “Rose! Where are you?!” she called, pushing the shattered chair out of her way.

“Here, Daring,” he said, his voice coming from right ahead of her but still distant and cool.

“I’m coming Rose! Just hang on!” Daring Do called as she gathered herself and pushed off the metal. The darkness seemed to rush around her as she swam through the water following Compass Rose’s voice. “I’m on my way!” she called out again, reassuring both him and herself.

After a minute of frantic swimming, she reached a break in the darkness devoid of debris except for a small dresser that floated in the middle. Atop it sat a simple, tan safari hat. “Rose!”Daring Do exclaimed, darting towards the dresser and knocking it out of her way. “I’m here—“

Daring Do’s eyes flared open and she panted heavily. The brilliant sunlight reflected off the white sand, blinding her until she slammed her eyes shut again. It was just a dream... he is okay. The ship is fine, it was just a storm. I jumped overboard in a panic, could’ve happened to anypony. They’ll notice I’m gone and come looking for me in a day or two. I can survive until then, after all I’m an explorer! Her confidence bolstered, she cracked her eyes open, letting them adjust to the light and as soon as they had, she stood up and took stock of her surroundings.

From her point on the beach, she could see the edges of the island and guessed that it was no more than a mile wide, if that. A wide beach of white sand ringed the edges of the island, bordering the ocean and the dense jungle that occupied the interior.

Okay, I just have to survive for a few days until they find me. Daring Do sighed. “Rule number one: establish a base camp somewhere safe, that way you always have a fallback position,” she said, imitating her father’s gruff voice. Scanning the beach, she couldn’t find any noticeable landmark, just a flat expanse of indistinguishable grains of sand. She picked herself up off the sand and brushed it out of her coat.

Dragging a hoof through the sand, she boxed off a section of the sand several lengths from the tree line and sat down just outside it. “There, base camp.” She stared at it for a minute, simply absorbing the sound of the gentle waves rolling up on the shore. “Rule number two: make sure you have ample supplies before setting off too far from camp. Right... supplies. I should get some spare food, just in case.” She grabbed the safari hat and put it on without a thought and set off towards the forest.

As she approached the forest, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was watching her but she pressed on nevertheless. She bit into the grass growing at the base of the trees and chewed it slowly, enjoying the subtle sweet flavor. Nodding, she started pulling up chunks of the grass and tossing it into her saddlebags. The grass didn’t weigh much and after a few dedicated hours of working she had filled her bags to the point of bursting. She wiped her forehead with a hoof and looked up at the sky, which bled yellow and orange from the setting sun.

“I must’ve slept longer than I thought,” Daring Do noted as she started back towards her camp. Casting one glance back at the forest, the darkness casting it in a new, threatening light, Daring Do saw a pair of glowing, ice blue eyes staring at her from the bushes. She made eye contact, the pits of ice freezing her in place as they stared at each other for several long minutes, looking deep into each other. The bush rustled and the eyes disappeared into the forest, releasing Daring Do from her catatonic state.

Daring Do trotted back to her camp shivering and lay down inside the box, her eyes trained only on the sand underhoof until she reached the pseudo-camp and collapsed, falling into a fitful sleep in moments.

She found herself in the dark void of water that stretched out before her endlessly. Pieces of the cruise ship floated around her, never coming too close to her. Looking around, she wondered exactly where she was and why she wasn’t drowning.

“Dare,” Compass Rose’s voice echoed through the space. “It’s cold...”

Daring Do shook her head and covered her ears with her hooves. “No! You aren’t dead! none of this is real!” she yelled. A chunk of metal floated in front of her and, though it was dented and twisted out of shape, she could read the name of the ship on it. “NO!” she screamed. “It’s impossible. A storm like that can’t sink a ship. It was just a storm... just some wind and rain, maybe a little lightning, but nothing that would threaten a ship that size.”

“Daring... help me,” his voice pleaded, “it’s so cold here.”

“No!” Daring screamed. “You aren’t real! None of this is real! Do you hear me?! You aren’t Compass, he is alive and on the ship. They’re coming back for me soon, you... whatever you are, you’ll see!”

“Daring Do—“

“NO!” Daring Do screamed at the top of her lungs, cutting off the desperate voice. “You aren’t re—“ Water flooded into her mouth, muffling her tirade. Daring Do’s eyes widened in fear as she gasped for air, pulling the water further into her lungs. All of a sudden, she felt the entire pressure of the water press down on her as her lungs strained for oxygen.

Daring Do shot up from the ground, her eyes wide open and searching the horizon frantically, looking for any sign of the cruise ship. Finding none, she forced herself to calm down and took several deep breaths.

“See Daring? Everything’s fine... they just haven’t found you yet. No reason to worry... everything will be okay,” she told herself. She paused for a moment, looking up at the white puffs of cloud that populated the sky. “Maybe...” She flexed her wing, wincing as a bolt of pain coursed through her body and drawing her wing back to her body. “Okay... I can’t fly out of here until that heals.”

Sighing, she looked down, thinking. I have a camp and supplies, what now? I can explore the island, but... after what happened last night... her thoughts trailed off as a glint of metal caught her eye. Buried in the sand in front of her was a deformed piece of metal. She pulled it free of the wet sand with a squelch and held it up in the sunlight.

It was a twisted piece of a steel beam, bent and torn so that it ended in a sharp point on one side. Daring Do inspected it carefully, making sure that she didn’t cut herself or even go near the point. She spent what must have been an hour bent over the metal, trying to figure out where it had come from. I can’t tell, but I know I didn’t see anything like this on the ship, she thought finally, picking it back up.

She turned to the forest and looked deep into it, seeing trees and bushes, but nothing that looked like the eyes from last night. Walking towards the forest, she looked up and down the tree line, searching for any sign of movement. Daring Do strode up to a tree on the outskirts of the forest and stabbed it. The metal slid through the bark easily, embedding itself halfway into the tree.

Daring Do stepped back, admiring the quivering blade for a moment before grasping it again. Grunting, she pulled it free of the tree and started picking her way through the underbrush. The dense trees made her travel slow, but also provided a degree of camouflage. Every now and then she would slice off a branch that barred her path. The farther she got into the forest, the less she could see; the sun penetrating the canopy less and less as she went. Her legs drove her ever forward, never tiring and never slowing. She walked for hours through the monotonous forest, following the ever increasing sound of water.

Finally, the forest opened to a large ledge overlooking a waterfall flowing down into a deep valley surrounded by the dense forest on every side. Light filtered in through the gap in the trees illuminating the entire valley in a twilight haze. Daring Do looked down at the valley floor in awe, watching small animals scurry back and forth and bird flitted from tree to tree.

“Wow,” she mumbled, awestruck. “I should move my camp here... this is beautiful.” She surveyed the valley, taking in the beauty of it all. Her eyes came to rest on the other side of the waterfall, trapped by the icy blue gems staring at her from the shadows. They leered out, staring straight through her to her very soul. Daring Do took a step back, breaking the paralysis and calling out, “what are you?”

The bush rustled and a gray paw, no bigger than her hoof, emerged from it, stepping into the light, but before she saw anything else Daring Do turned tail and ran back through the forest. She leapt over gnarled roots and dodged spidery braches. Throughout the mad dash, she could only think of one thing: You idiot! she scolded herself, you have no idea what that is! It could be some poisonous snake! Or a chimera! Or even a basilisk! Or a... young dragon! Before she knew it she burst out of the forest, her hoof catching on a root and sending her flying. She landed just outside of her ‘camp’, spraying up sand around her.

Daring Do twisted around and backed away from the forest, her eyes wide with fear. She stared at the tree line for a long time, waiting for whatever monster would mean her certain death to barrel out of it, but eventually she stood, gathering herself. Her twisted blade was sticking out of the sand a few hooflengths from her, and she retrieved it, sheathing it in her saddlebags. The beach was empty as she scanned it, her eyes glossing over the detritus.

Laying down in the box, she took a few deep breaths to control her breathing and closed her eyes. She shut out every thought, clearing her mind completely and willing herself to sleep. It took several minutes, but eventually sleep came for her and she drifted off into its blank vacuum.

Daring Do found herself, not in the void that had greeted her the previous nights, but in her cabin on the ship. The cabin she had shared with Compass Rose. It looked exactly as she had seen it last, except it was filled with water. She paddled her way to the lamp and flicked the switch. The lamp lit for a second before there was a sharp sound of electricity and the light bulb exploded.

“Of course,” Daring Do muttered. “I can breathe underwater, but Celestia forbid I be able to turn on a lamp in a dream. That just wouldn’t make sense.” Moving around the room, she took in all the sights. Her journal, the last entry bleeding a little in the water, but still readable. Her parent’s suitcase filled with what few formal clothes they had. Her mother’s favorite necklace, the diamonds shining in the dim light. Her father’s walking stick, scratched and worn, but still strong. Finally she came to Compass Rose’s safari hat, resting a hoof on it.

“Daring,” Compass Rose’s voice echoed through the room.

“You know, I always did wonder why you wanted this hat. There isn’t anything really good about it. It’s just a normal, bland safari hat. It’s beige coloured, cheap material, and there are at least a million of them like it in Equestria. But I think I realized why you wanted it so much, why you couldn’t live without it.” She paused, waiting for a response from the disembodied voice. Receiving none, she continued, “it was yours. It wasn’t special, it wasn’t amazing, and it wasn’t fancy. But it was your hat, and no one else’s. I know you aren’t really him, but I’m sorry for teasing you about it. You just wanted something to yourself, like me and my journal.”

“Thank you,” he said, his voice distinct and clear, a perfect imitation. “It wasn’t your fault Dare, it could have happened to anypony. Don’t feel bad about what happened to me, there was nothing you could do, and you certainly tried.”

“What are you talking about?” Daring Do asked, whirling around to face the source of the voice. In front of her stood Compass Rose, but not the brother she knew. His eyes, though open, didn’t look at anything, merely staring off into space with bloated pupils and bloodshot veins. His reddish coat was slicked down flat against his skin, his short orange mane and tail plastered on top of it. Even his cutie mark, a detailed map, wasn’t fully there, many of its former paths broken or missing altogether.

“Dare, you can’t keep running from reality,” his voice came, but his mouth never moved.

Daring Do took a step back, bumping into the wall of the cabin. “No... you aren’t dead. You can’t be... you are barely old enough to have a cutie mark, much less die. It’s just impossible!”

“Daring Do,” his voice came sternly. “You have to face reality, no matter how much you don’t want to. I am dead, so is everypony aboard the ship. I was ripped out of the corridor by the wave, and sucked underwater before I could even call for help. As soon as that wave hit, I was as good as dead. The ship’s engines were struck by lightning and exploded. The explosion killed most of the ponies on the back half of the ship, and it started to take on water. Some made it to the life rafts, but they were no match for the waves and capsized one by one. You know this Daring, they were all around you, just remember.”

Daring Do tried to shy away, but had no escape left. She looked at the pony standing before her, tears running down her face as she remembered. “I... I remember. They were everywhere, pleading for me to join them... and I ignored them all.”

The body took a step forward, it’s hoof gliding as if there was no water holding it back. “And you lived for it Daring. You survived. Out of everypony that died that night, you survived.”

“But... why me?” Daring Do sobbed. “There were lots of better ponies on that ship. Why did I survive and they died?”

“Daring, the why is for you to find,” the voice comforted. “The why is not what they could have done, but what you do with the life you still have, and they do not. Remember what Dad always said, ‘the extraordinary is in what we do, not who we are.’ Go out and live life, Daring. You have to experience it, all of it. You know who you are, now go live life. That is what we would have wanted.”

Daring Do slumped to the ground, her mind racing a million directions at once as a flood of memories came back to her. She closed her eyes and covered her head with her hooves, letting her tears flow freely down her face. Eventually, the activity in her mind stopped, leaving her drained. The room disappeared, replace by a vast emptiness. No water, no cold, no voices. She was only dimly aware of slight warmth on her flank, but paid it no heed.

A twig broke; the sound echoed across the space between Daring Do and the bush. Her ears perked up and her eyes flashed open, searching the area for the source of the sound. A bush in front of her moved a little, barely enough to shake the leaves but she saw it. She launched herself to her hooves, and was galloping towards the bush, blade in mouth. Then she was there, the offending bush right underneath her as her hooves came down upon it, smashing through the thin wood easily and hitting something soft. Whatever it was squirmed underneath her hooves, and she pressed down harder. The animal squealed in distress, pleading for its release. In one motion, before she realized what she was doing, she lifted the blade and brought it down, meeting little resistance as the squealing ended.

Something warm splashed against her face, coating her mane and eye. She looked down, the broken limbs shining dark red in the moonlight and the ice blue eyes staring up at her. Ignoring the warm, sticky liquid on her face and hooves, Daring Do dropped the blade, that had acquired a flavor, like iron. She staggered out of the bushes and onto the beach, collapsing under her own weight and fatigue. The moon lit the sand in front of her an eerie white as her vision faded to black.

Daring Do shifted her wings to a more comfortable position as her mind slowly returned to consciousness. Sand gritted against her stomach and she moved a little to alleviate the annoyance.

“Hey, I think she’s waking up,” a concerned voice called out.

Daring Do flicked her ears and pressed her eyes shut, willing herself to fall back asleep.

“It’s all right miss,” the voice cooed in her ear.

Daring Do sighed and opened her eyes, squinting as the light momentarily blinded her. As her eyes adjusted, she could make out a gray stallion standing over her, his maroon mane falling over his shoulders. She pushed herself up from the sand, and her legs buckled under her, sending her plummeting towards the hot sand. A gray aura appeared around her and she jerked to a stop.

“Don’t push yourself too hard, you’ve been through a lot,” the stallion said, helping her stand. “My name is Red Cross, and that’s my friend Triage.” Red Cross pointed towards a white unicorn stallion with a similar, though lighter, red mane and was reading from a file levitating in front of him. “So, who are you?”

“The survivor,” Daring Do stated, staring at her hooves.

“Well... that much is obvious, but don’t worry about it. We’ll get you all fixed up quick enough.” Red Cross led her over to where Triage was standing, keeping an eye on her the entire time. “Hey Tri, you got a tan mare with a gray scale mane and compass rose cutie mark?”

Triage rolled his eyes. “Red Cross, I’ve told you before, my name is not, and never will be, ‘Tri’. It is Triage. But no, there is nopony matching that description on the passenger manifesto. Closest I can find is a Miss Daring Do, but she is listed as not having a cutie mark here.”

Red Cross glanced at her flank, looking at her new cutie mark. “Hey miss? Do you remember getting your cutie mark”

“No,” Daring Do answered.

“Do you remember who you are?” Red Cross asked again.

Daring Do looked up at him, expressionless. “A survivor; the survivor.”

Triage sighed and brushed Red Cross out of his way. “Ma’am, what is your name?”

“Daring Do,” she replied, shuffling her hooves.

“See? Not hard at all,” Triage said as he turned to Red Cross and made a mark on the paper. The two of them walked a few lengths from Daring Do, talking under their breaths about something.

Daring Do sighed and lay down in sand, cradling the safari hat in her hooves. The warm sand burned against her underside, lulling her back to sleep. She looked around, examining the all too familiar beach. It was just as she remembered, perfectly identical with no distinguishing features on the coastline except for the pieces of debris that littered the outskirts of the beach and the small ship docked just offshore.

“Daring?” Red Cross said, helping her up. “Do you mind if I call you that?”

“No.” Daring Do stood, leaning against him for support as he started to lead her towards the ship.

“Daring, me and Triage are going to take good care of you. We know you’ve been through a lot, but now it’s time to go home,” Red Cross comforted, draping a blanket over her as they walked.

Daring Do boarded the ship with him, Triage following shortly after and helping her sit in a chair at the stern of the ship. She stared out at the island, her island, and in a way, it stared back at her, the ice blue eyes etched into her consciousness. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard the engine fire and the boat start to glide away from the small atoll, but she only stared at the dot on the horizon until it disappeared completely. Sighing, she turned her head down and let herself slip away. I will do everything, Rose, for you, she thought as she fell into a peaceful sleep.

Beyond the Wall

There’s a wall at the edge of the forest. Nopony knows who built it or how it got there, but it’s been there as far as anypony remembers.

I saw the wall once. Me, mommy, daddy, and all the other village ponies went picking berries in the forest, and that was when I saw the wall. It was made of stone bricks, piled one by one on top of each other, making funny staircase shapes in the wall. It went up high, almost to the sky, so that the only things that could go over it were birds and clouds. I didn’t see the bottom of it because it was covered by trees. I tried going near it for a better look, but mommy said that good little ponies don’t go near the wall, so I didn’t.

Mommy and daddy are nice ponies. So are all the ponies in the village. Mommy and daddy said that we have to be nice to each other, or else the forest monsters will eat us. I never saw a forest monster before, but the forest is really big and deep and scary, and mommy said forest monsters would attack us if we weren’t nice to each other.

I asked her how the forest monsters would know if we weren’t nice to each other, but she said, they would know. They always know, and if we weren’t nice to each other, they would strike.

Mommy said that’s why I don’t have a sister anymore, because the forest monsters ate her.

The forest monsters are why we don’t go out of the village except in giant groups, like when we go berry picking. Our groups are always big, with lots of grown ups and sometimes some little ponies like me. Sometimes, there are scary noises in the forest, which all the big ponies say are the forest monsters, even though they just sound like birds and bugs to me. But the big ponies carry swords and spears with them, because they know that the forest monsters are trying to trick them. Forest monsters are smart and crafty, but we’re usually okay because we have swords and spears and Gaea’s love.

My best friend was a little older than me, and her name was Fairy Dust. My name is Whisperleaf, and daddy named me Whisperleaf because when I was a foal, I was really, really quiet, whispering like a leaf blowing in the wind. I don’t know why they called her Fairy Dust, but her name was Fairy Dust, just like how my name is Whisperleaf.

They called her a pegasus. I never heard that word before I met her. It means “pony with wings.” Like a bird. She was the only pegasus in the village, so she was special. Nopony else in the village had wings, not even her mommy and daddy. We were called earth ponies, and we couldn’t fly. But that was okay, because we didn’t need to fly. You could walk from one end of the village to the other after lunch and still come home in time for dinner. You couldn’t go any further than that, because the village was surrounded by trees and monsters.

We played next to the forest a lot, and the grown ups would always let us as long as they could watch us so we were safe. We weren’t allowed to go into the forest by ourselves, or else the monsters would get us, so we would usually just play next to the forest where grown ups could see us.

One day, Fairy Dust and I were playing with a ball. We were between Fungal Bloom’s and Beetle Bark’s houses, both made with bricks and planks. Fairy Dust sat on Fungal Bloom’s roof which was only one story tall, so I could easily throw the ball up to her. It wasn’t too easy, though, because the sun was almost right behind her, except covered by the tall forest trees. I had to squint my eyes real narrowly to see her up there most of the time. At least Fungal Bloom’s house had smoke coming out of its chimney, so the sun wasn’t in my eyes too much, and I could run around to catch the ball. My hooves went crunch, crunch as I stepped on the dry leaves in the dirt.

When we were throwing the ball back and forth, she asked me, “Hey, Whisper, what do you think is on the other side of the forest?”

“What’s on the other side of the forest?” I asked. “The wall, duh.”

“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head. “On the other side of the forest and the wall. What’s on the other side of the wall?”

I didn’t know what was on the other side of the wall, but I knew that good ponies weren’t supposed to go near it. I always thought that there were bigger, nastier forest monsters. Ones that don’t sound like birds and bugs. So I told her that.

She laughed. “Silly, silly Whisper! If there are bigger, nastier forest monsters, why do birds keep coming and going?”

She jumped off the roof, flapping her wings to slowly fall to the ground. She couldn’t fly, but she could fall more slowly than any other pony.

“I think the wall is for keeping the forest monsters in here,” she said. “That’s why birds keep coming and going. We have berries and fruit in here, but out there... Who knows? Maybe there’re other pegasuses.”

I caught the ball, but I didn’t throw it back. I told her that good little ponies weren’t supposed to go near the wall. We were supposed to be good little ponies, or else the forest monsters would get us.

She looked sad. “Oh, right.”

We didn’t play ball much after that. When the sun went down, Fairy Dust took the ball with her and went home.

I went home for dinner, and mommy was waiting for me in front of the door, wearing the scarf over her head like she always does. Usually, when she waits in front of the door, it means I’m in trouble. But when I’m in trouble, she always has an angry look on her face, like I when spill my food on the ground or get mud inside the house. Today, she had a big smile, like she was happy to see me. That was good, because I was happy to see her, too.

“How was your day?” she asked me. I walked up to her through the gate in our wooden fence, and I gave her a great big hug.

“It was really fun,” I said. “Me and Fairy Dust went playing ball again. I think I can throw the ball really high now.”

She laughed a happy laugh, covering her mouth with a hoof. “That sounds like fun. I’m sure you two had a lot to talk about while you were playing.”

I nodded my head up and down. “Mhm! We talked about how Greenstalks was being lazy and not doing his chores, and how yesterday’s berries were super, super fresh.”

Mommy walked into the house so I could walk in, too.

“Anything else, sweetie?” she asked. “Fungal Bloom’s mother told me you and Fairy Dust had a really interesting conversation, and I’d like to hear it, too.”

I looked around the house. Two bowls with steaming hot soup sat on top of the table in the middle of the room, and over the fireplace was a giant black pot, held up by a stick above a small fire. The fire didn’t have much wood in it and the table only had two bowls, so I knew daddy was out getting more firewood for us with a lot of other ponies.

I sat down at the table at my small spot, next to daddy’s big spot where he always sits. “I also talked to her about the wall.”

Mommy sat down opposite of the table from me in her medium spot. “Oh?”

She stayed quiet for a little bit, staring into her soup. I stared at her while I started to slurp my own soup.

“Did she say anything else?” she finally said. Her smile didn’t look as happy now.

“She asked me what was on the other side of the wall. I told her that I didn’t even think about it because good little ponies don’t go near the wall.”

That made her smile happy again. “And you’re a good little pony.”

“What about Fairy Dust? Is she a good pony?”

“Well, sweetie, do you think she’s a good pony?”

I looked down in my soup. There were two carrot pieces floating in the clear soup next to a celery stalk sticking out of the bowl. “I don’t know, mommy,” I said. “I think she is. She never fights with anypony and she’s always nice, like you and Mr. Ingot and Mrs. Oven and all the other ponies.”

“But she was talking about the wall, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

“And good little ponies don’t go near the wall.”

“Yeah.”

Mommy finished the rest of her soup, then put her bowl down. It went thunk against the wooden table. “Do you still think she’s a good pony?”

“Not really.”

Mommy didn’t say anything after that. She just smiled as I slowly slurped up the rest of my soup.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Do you know what’s on the other side of the wall?”

She stood up and went to stir the giant spoon around the pot in the fireplace. “Most of us think that Gaea put the wall there to keep out the nasty, evil things of the outside.”

Daddy once told me that Gaea was the earth itself. Now I know that everypony knows that. Gaea was why we could grow food and why we could go out into the forest to pick berries. Gaea was why the forest monsters never came into our village, because Gaea loved the village and all the ponies in it. Gaea loved us as long as we were good, nice ponies.

“Gaea loves the village and everypony in it,” I said.

“That’s right, sweetie.”

“But Gaea doesn’t love anypony or anything outside of the village.”

“Mhm.”

“So the wall is to protect us from all the mean things that Gaea doesn’t love.”

Mommy chuckled. “You’re a smart one, aren’t you?”

I smiled too. I love it when ponies say nice things about me, especially when it’s mommy or daddy.

“So am I still a good pony?”

“Good ponies stay away from the wall, both in body and in mind. As long as you don’t think about the wall, you’re a good pony. But if Fairy Dust makes you think about the wall...” Mommy took out a big bowl for daddy and poured two big spoons of soup into it, then put it on the table. “Then you need to stay away from her, too.”

That was when daddy came home with lots of firewood on his back, chopped up into nice logs to put in the fireplace. I jumped up to him and shouted “daddy” over and over, and I told him about how I played with Fairy Dust. But I didn’t say anything about how I talked to Fairy Dust or mommy about the wall, because I’m a good pony.

The next day, after I finished planting vegetables in the garden, I walked to Fairy Dust’s house so we could play with her ball again. On the way, I walked past the village elder’s house. I could hear him and mommy talk inside, but they were talking angrily. I wanted to hear what mommy had to say, so I crawled under a window and made sure nopony could see me. It was okay, because most grown up ponies were out harvesting herbs that only grew in the forest.

I heard mommy talk first. “...Going to be nothing but trouble,” she said. “I feel it in my skin, seeping into bones.”

The elder said, “It’s too early to pass judgment, Blackberry. She has expressed curiosity about the wall, and that is only natural. Were you not once curious as to what lies beyond the wall?”

“Yes, but this—this is different!”

“How is it different? Fairy Dust is like any other child. She was born in this village and has never seen what lies beyond the wall. For her to want to want to know is only natural, but as long as she stays within the village, she has Gaea’s blessings.”

“She’s a pegasus. One day, she’ll fly away from us, away from Gaea.”

“Just because she has wings does not mean that she shall leave us. Tell me, Blackberry—do you have a knife in your home?”

“I do, elder. I use it to cut vegetables. What of it?”

“Have you ever turned it upon another pony, like you would a sword?”

“Of course not!”

“But you have the ability to do that, much like how Fairy Dust may one day have the ability to spread her wings and leave us. You have, of course, not done so because you bear Gaea’s love in your heart. And if Fairy Dust has Gaea’s love in hers, she shall stay with us forever.”

“But Whisperleaf has no friend like Fairy Dust! If she does leave, then Whisperleaf might...”

Mommy didn’t finish her sentence. The elder and mommy didn’t say anything for a little bit, but I could hear the elder walk up to mommy.

Then, the elder said, “The loss of your first daughter was hard on you. It was hard on Strongoak, and it was hard on all of us. But, Blackberry, you have been blessed with a second daughter. Whispersilk did not love Gaea, and so Gaea did not love her back. As long as Whisperleaf loves Gaea, all shall be right.”

I think I heard mommy cry a little.

“Now, be calm and kind with Fairy Dust. We must be good to one another, and not only because we need to for Gaea’s love, but because it is through kindness that our village stands strong.”

Whispersilk wasn’t a name I heard before that, but it sounded like she was my sister who the forest monsters ate. Maybe that was why mommy didn’t like Fairy Dust. She was scared that if Fairy Dust went away, I would follow her. But that was silly, because I couldn’t fly, and neither could she.

I heard some birds chirp loudly, and that made me remember that I was going to play with Fairy Dust and her ball. I got up from under the window and walked towards Fairy Dust’s house on the other side of the village.

To get to Fairy Dust’s house from my house, I had to walk between the elder’s and the potter’s houses, then cross the burbling creek that cuts our village in half. It’s not a big creek, though. It has a few round rocks sticking out of the water, making wavy triangles growing down from them. It’s only about six little ponies across, and me and my friends play in it a lot. There’s a bridge that goes over it, but we like to walk through it because it gets our hooves wet. That’s where I saw Fairy Dust waiting for me.

She was standing in the middle of creek without her ball, letting the water splash against her. Next to her was small wooden board. Her eyes were big and round, and she was smiling really widely, like she was excited to tell me something.

“Where were you?” she asked me. “I’ve been waiting all day for you, and boy, do I have something to show you!”

“You can fly now?!” Right after I said that, I thought about the elder’s words.

“Nope, still can’t,” she said. “But what I can do is this!”

She put the board on the creek, which was deep enough for the board to float on. Then, she stood on the board, balancing herself on top of it.

“Watch closely,” she said.

She started flapping her wings really fast, like a hummingbird, and that blew her around in the creek. She took the board in a circle around me faster than a grown up pony could run. The grown up ponies working in their gardens around us stopped their gardening to look at her, too. They were all amazed, with their eyes wide and mouths open.

“Hop on!” she said.

So I did, and we went up and down the creek. Her wings pushed us around the water, so I had to hold her by the legs to stay on the board. The wind pushed through our manes and the water splashed at our hooves as Fairy Dust zig-zagged through the creek.

We played in the creek until the sun went down and the evening birds cried. She never brought up the wall that day, but she kept looking up the stream into the forest whenever we got close.

One week later, a lot of grown up ponies took us into the forest to show us little ponies what mushrooms were safe to eat and what mushrooms were bad. Since we had me and Fairy Dust and every other little pony out in the forest, there were more big ponies than there normally were. Fungal Bloom’s mommy and daddy, Mr. Morel and Mrs. Truffle, were in charge of teaching everypony how to pick mushrooms the right way.

We were pretty far away from the village. Out here, I could hear birds chirp high and loud, and I saw lots of colorful bugs of all sorts of shapes and sizes. The sun was right above us, shining through the tops of the trees, and below us was lots of dirt that felt cool as it ran under my hooves.

“Come, children!” said Mrs. Truffle. She stood next to a bunch of dotted red mushrooms under a tree. “These are crimson caps. If you’re ever lost in the forest, you can eat these for food. However, they taste really bad, so you should only eat them if you’re really hungry.”

Tinderspark ran up straight to the mushrooms and took a big bite out of one, but then he scrunched up his face and spit it out. We all laughed while he brushed the red chunks off his tongue.

Fairy Dust stood right next to me. “Haha! How’d it taste, Tinderspark?”

“Feh! Awful!” shouted Tinderspark. “It’s almost as bad as my dad’s cooking!”

We all laughed a little more, until something made some crashings sound a little further away, like a really big bird crashing into the top of a tree and hitting lots of branches while falling down.

All the grown up ponies with spears pointed them at the sound, and the grown up ponies with swords pulled them out, then slowly walked forwards. The rest of the grown up ponies gathered us little ponies together where they could see us.

We were all scared, because we knew that it was a forest monster who wanted to eat us. All except for Fairy Dust, who wanted to see the monster for herself.

When the sword and spear ponies ran deeper into the forest, she ran out and followed them. So I followed her. None of the other ponies saw us because they were too scared to look up.

She followed the ponies, and I followed her, and I ran into her when she suddenly stopped. “Get down, Whisper!” she said quietly, and she pushed my head down behind a fallen tree. “Look!”

I looked. I saw all the sword and spear ponies creeping towards another pony lying on the ground. She was lying on her side, rubbing her head.

She also had wings, like Fairy Dust. She was a pegasus.

“Of all the rotten...” was what she said before Mr. Amber pointed his spear in her face.

“Foul beast!” he said, and the other ponies surrounded her, too.

“Whoa, whoa!” The pegasus held up her hooves. “Easy, there! I didn’t mean to crash in your forest! I just wasn’t watching where I was flying, one thing led to another, and I, uh, kinda landed here.” She lifted one of her wings, then put it down. “Ahh, I think it’s broken.”

“We know what you are, monster!” shouted Miss Pebble. “You will do no harm as long as long as we remain vigilant!”

“Monster?!” shouted the pegasus. “I’m just a weather pony, just checking some things out around here!”

Mr. Amber said, “You are from beyond the wall, are you not?”

“Well, I did fly over a giant wall just now. Just wanted to see what was in here. This place is kinda off the edge of the map.”

“So you are from beyond the wall, and thus, you do not love Gaea, nor does Gaea love you.” He closed his eyes. “We release you from your tortured existence.”

Mr. Amber pulled back his spear and the pegasus’s eyes went wide like dinner plates, but Fairy Dust put a hoof over my eyes before I could see what happened next. But I know what happened next, because the pegasus’s scream echoed through the forest and scared away the birds.

The next day, they buried the pegasus where they killed her. Nopony was there, except for the ponies who killed her. Fairy Dust told me about it after she heard it from Beetle Bark, who heard it from somepony else. When she told me about it, she was really quiet and serious, always looking at the ground, never looking up.

Right after they killed her, Miss Pebble came up to us, still with some blood on her side. Fairy Dust was lying in the dirt on her side, crying into her hooves. I turned around with my back against the tree trunk so I didn’t see what Fairy Dust didn’t want me to see.

Miss Pebble told us that forest monsters come in all shapes and sizes and forms, including other ponies. She told us that it didn’t matter what they looked like, because they didn’t love Gaea and Gaea didn’t love them back.

Fairy Dust asked her with tears in her eyes why they had to kill her, why they couldn’t just let her fly away like she flew in.

Miss Pebble said it was because that there was no way they could have been sure that the pegasus wasn’t a forest monster. If it was a forest monster, they had to kill it, because forest monsters were evil and wanted to harm us.

Fairy Dust said that she might have been just a normal pony. She was like a bird that made its nests high in the forest’s trees. They weren’t monsters. She didn’t have to be a monster.

Miss Pebble said that it didn’t matter. If it was a forest monster who changed herself to look like a pony, then it needed to be purged. If it wasn’t a forest monster, it still came from beyond the wall, where Gaea’s love didn’t reach. So then it was worse than a forest monster.

Because that’s what happens to ponies without Gaea’s love. They turn into forest monsters. The forest monsters didn’t eat their bodies, but their minds and souls.

If it was a pony once, then they didn’t kill it. They rescued it from having to be a forest monster.

We sat against the walls of a house, watching gardeners carry their flowers and cabbages around in baskets. The sun sat still in the sky, and the only sounds we heard were the rustling of the leaves in the wind and the water running through the creek.

“She was just like me,” said Fairy Dust.

She took a rock off the ground, and threw it into the creek. It splashed with a sploonk.

“She was just like us. She was a pony.”

“She looked like us,” I said, “but she wasn’t a pony. Didn’t you hear Miss Pebble? She was a forest monster pretending to be a pony. If it was only us two and her, she would eat us right up.”

“But I don’t believe that!”

She jumped up and landed right next to the creek, then stomped her hooves in the water, making big splashes.

“You saw her!”

Splash.

“She was harmless!”

Splash.

“She was hurt!”

Splash, splash.

“She didn’t have Gaea’s love,” I said. I walked up to her. “She was either a forest monster or a monster from outside the wall. A monster.”

“And why didn’t Gaea love her? Why does Gaea not love ponies outside the village? Isn’t loving Gaea good enough for her?”

I didn’t know what to say.

She picked up another rock and threw it further into the creek. “My mother talked to me last night.”

“What did she say?”

“She asked me if I was alright, if I saw anything that I shouldn’t have seen. I told her that I did, that I saw the other pegasus, and Mr. Amber, and the spear—”

She sniffled. “I can still see it. The way she just hung there, pinned to the... No, I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“Anyways, she gave me a hug, but then I asked her why there was another pegasus from beyond the wall. She couldn’t tell me. I asked her why Gaea didn’t love anypony outside of the village. She couldn’t tell me. I asked her why ponies turned into forest monsters. She couldn’t tell me that, but she told me something else.”

She sat down, and she patted the creekside next to her. I sat down next to her.

“Do you know what happened to your sister?”

I shook my head slowly.

She breathed in deep and puffed out her chest, then let it out. “Your sister’s name was Whispersilk. She disappeared one night, before you were born. The entire village went looking for her, but nopony found her. Five days later, they found something written on the wall with berry juice: ‘I’m gone. Signed, Whispersilk.’

“They thought maybe she’d gone up the creek and out the wall, but the creek pours out of a hole in the wall that nopony can climb or swim up. Now, they say that whenever you go near that place, you can feel like something’s always watching you. And when you do, the air around you feels thicker, like you’re caught in a spider web. That’s what Whispersilk is now, so says my mother.”

She threw another rock into the creek. “Oh, why am I telling you this? If they didn’t want you to know, it was probably for a good reason.”

“Fairy Dust?”

“Yeah, Whisper?”

“You won’t go away, will you?”

She looked surprised. “Of course not! I could never leave you.”

“Do you have Gaea’s love in your heart?”

“I guess. I mean, don’t we all?”

“And are you a good pony?”

She kept quiet for a second. “Well, do you think I’m a good pony?”

“I think so.”

I didn’t like to lie, especially to my best friend.

That was the first I heard anything about my sister. It was also the last, since when I asked mommy and daddy about it later, they told me not to ask anymore questions about her. Whispersilk wasn’t a good pony anymore, and they wanted me to still be a good pony.

Mommy asked me why I brought it up. I told her that Fairy Dust told me that her mommy told her about Whispersilk and that I wasn’t sure if Fairy Dust was still a good pony. Mommy told me that she would talk to Fairy Dust’s mommy tomorrow.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Mommy and daddy were still sleeping, but Fairy Dust came into our house and nudged me awake. Her nose and coat were wet, and when she nudged me, I got wet, too.

She put a hoof over her lips and said, “Shhh,” and had me follow her outside. The moon was high in the sky. Owls hooted and crickets chirped while the wind rustled the leaves.

“What are we doing?” I asked her.

“I have to show you something,” she said as she pulled me along by the hoof to the creek. “You need to see this.”

At the creek was her board, floating around in the current. We got on it and she pushed us to the start of the forest, but then I told her to stop, and she did. Nopony saw us because everypony was asleep. Forest monsters weren’t supposed to attack the village if we were nice ponies, which we were.

“What’s wrong, Whisper? If I’m going to show you what you need to see, then we’re going to need to go into the forest.”

“But there are forest monsters in there! They’ll eat us!”

She sighed quietly. “Whisper?”

“What?”

“There are no forest monsters.”

I blinked. “No... forest monsters?”

“There were no forest monsters when I went into the forest myself yesterday. After you went home, I went up the creek to check out the hole in the wall. My mother was right. The hole might be big enough for a couple big ponies to squeeze through, but it’s way too high for us to climb. I can’t fly up there or get up there with my board, either.

“But I found a hole in a hollowed out tree, and there, I found a tunnel. A tunnel going under the wall and out into beyond the wall. It’s not very deep, but it goes straight under the wall, where even the wall doesn’t reach. It leads outside, Whisper. Haven’t you ever wondered what’s outside?”

I shook my head no. I told her that I never thought about it because good ponies don’t think about the wall or what’s beyond it.

“It’s beautiful, Whisper. It’s like somepony took a giant quilt and spread it out over the land. Ripping hills of tall, lush grass, flowery fields as far as the eye can see, and a star-lit sky uncovered by trees. The creek—this creek—is part of a bigger creek. A river. And there are all sorts of fish living in it, not just the same small ones we get in our creek.”

I told her that I didn’t care. Beyond the wall was outside of the reach of Gaea’s love. Anything out there was a monster.

“No, Whisper,” she said. “You need to see for yourself. Once you see, you’ll understand.”

I called her name.

“Yeah?”

I asked her if she still thought she was a good pony.

“I think so. Why?”

I asked her if she still loved Gaea.

“I do, but I get the feeling that Gaea doesn’t love me back.”

That was when I jumped off the board and waded through to the creek.

She shouted, “Whisper, wait!” But I didn’t.

I straight to the elder’s house, since I thought he knew what to do. As I ran, I heard Fairy Dust’s wings flap, pushing her up the creek and into the forest.

They buried Fairy Dust in the village so that Gaea could still love her. She’s a little mound of dirt with a twig sticking out of it now. They rescued her before she stopped loving Gaea, so she’s still a good pony. That’s what her mommy and daddy told me.

They found her trying to dig up a patch of dirt in the forest next to the creek and the wall. She kept saying something about a way out, but the ponies couldn’t find anything. She said that if the ponies of the village really cared for each other like they said they did to ward off forest monsters, they’d care for her, too. They told her that’s why they went to rescue her, because they cared for her.

But whenever I think about her now, I think about the wall. About my sister’s message and where the creek starts. About the tunnel and the flowery fields and grassy hills beyond it.

I don’t think about her anymore, because I’m a good pony, and good ponies don’t think about the wall.

Author, Author!

Ooh, is this some kind of a party? Pinkie poked her head out of a picture on the wall and looked around the room. A dozen people in varying states of wakefulness sat arrayed around a table strewn with papers. Naw, too boring.

“Is he really going to keep us through another lunch break?” whispered an unobtrusive man halfway along a conference table.

“I don’t know, Andy,” the man next to him replied. “If you’d raided the doughnut tray early enough, you wouldn’t be hungry now.”

“...need to boost our third-quarter revenues at least two percent...” droned a voice at the head of the table, its owner clad in an impressive Italian suit.

Andy pinched the bridge of his nose. When he looked up again, the large poster of Pinkie Pie on the opposite wall stared back at him. And winked. Andy jerked back from the table and nearly fell over.

“Mr. Roberts,” interjected the authoritarian voice at the head of the table, “are you quite alright?”

“Y—yes, sir. Sorry. Leg cramp.”

“Very well. Now, to continue—Hasbro needs to see the trend of increasing sales persist into the next fiscal year...”

Glancing back up at the poster, Andy could swear he saw Pinkie lean forward and wave at him. “Wendell!” he hissed under his breath. “Did you see that?”

“See what?” the man next to him responded, not even bothering to avert his eyes from the doodles on his notepad.

“Pinkie—she...” Andy risked a look at the poster again, and only saw Pinkie’s usual pose and ubiquitous smile, the same as always. “Never mind. Drinks are on me this evening.”

“Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie?” asked a guard at the Canterlot city gate, distinguishable from the others only by his attempt at a warm smile.

“Yes?” she answered, an inquisitive squint in her eyes.

“The... Element of Laughter?” One eyebrow moved upward to hide behind the guard’s helmet. After giving her a quick once-over, his eyes went back to linger on the flattened mane and tear-stained cheeks that belied her trademark smile. His lower lip stiffened in concern.

“You know of me?” Pinkie asked as a defensive look crept across her face.

“Of course! You’ve helped to save Equestria multiple times, and are immortalized in several of the palace windows. There’s not a pony in the service that wouldn’t recognize you!”

Pinkie looked toward the ground in modesty and gave a more genuine smile than before. “Oh. I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling quite myself lately. Do you know where I can find—”

“Yes, Princess Celestia is in her study, preparing for your appointment. To be frank...” The guard cast a nervous glance over his shoulder. “...she’s been expecting you for some time now. Months, even. When you finally wrote her a letter last week, she told us to keep an eye out for you. Come with me. I’m supposed to escort you directly to her.”

Pinkie trotted after him through the twists and turns of the palace’s corridors until they arrived at a small, richly furnished room lined with bookshelves. The guard paused in the doorway as Pinkie peered around him. “Announcing Miss Pinkamena Diane Pie of Ponyville, Your Highness.”

Looking up from a scroll lying unfurled on her desk, Celestia nodded at the arrivals. “Dismissed. Please come in, Pinkie. Have a seat.” Pinkie made a quick curtsy before settling into a soft, royal-purple wing chair and setting her saddle bag on the floor. The guard closed the door after her and returned to his post. “To get to the point, Pinkie, I believe I know why you are here. Several important details escape me, however. I am getting ahead of myself, though. Please tell me why you wanted to see me.”

Pinkie took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak, but the words caught in her throat. “I—” She exhaled sharply in frustration and glared at the carpet, her ears plastered back against her head. “I can see things other ponies can’t. I can see when we’re being watched, and I can watch back.” After waiting a moment to let her words sink in, Pinkie gazed back up at the Princess. Expecting to see a look of shock, Pinkie instead found an expression of utter sympathy, tinged with sorrow.

“I am so sorry, Pinkie. I suspected you could perceive things of that nature, but I never knew to what degree. Your abilities in that regard far surpass my own; I am only vaguely aware it myself.” Celestia’s horn began to glow, and Pinkie could hear a complex series of clicks and rumbles below the desk. Eventually, the faint noises ceased, and a large book floated up and onto the desktop. Celestia opened the cover halfway, then thought better of it, letting it fall back closed and adding a punctuating tap of her hoof on it. “Pray, continue.”

“Well, I’ve spoken to the watchers from here in Equestria. That’s always been fun. But I’ve also gone to see them.” Pinkie fidgeted with her hooves and looked to the side, like a filly ashamed to admit that she’d taken the last cookie from the jar. “The first time was almost a disaster. There were a bunch of them sitting around a table. One saw me, and he was... surprised. And scared. It took me a while to figure out why.”

Celestia rose from behind her desk and walked around to Pinkie’s side to give her a brief hug. “I know. They do not see us as real. It would be as if a child’s storybook character coalesced from the words on the page and hopped out of the book to greet you.” She sat in the vacant guest chair next to Pinkie and tried to meet her gaze, but Pinkie’s eyes had widened into a more horrified expression than ever, as they remained transfixed on the wall.

“I—I’ve done that. I learned to use my Pinkie sense to tell when it was safe to come out. I’ve popped out of drawings, posters, screens, comics... and writing.” Shaking her head and failing to suppress a shudder, Pinkie continued. “It was about the fourth or fifth time I’d poked my head up out of a notebook...”

A pink, puffy mane lifted up, shoving open the cover of a loose-leaf binder. The metal rings rattled momentarily at the disturbance. As Pinkie leapt fully from the pages, the folder skidded across the desk, then landed on the floor with a dull thud. A cursory survey around the room in which she found herself revealed it to be an office.

She glanced around at the collection of pony figurines arrayed on the shelves, posters of her friends on the walls, and her own smiling face staring back at her from a large drawing clipped onto an inclined tabletop. Wow! We’ve got a secret admirer! Flattery and curiosity overcoming her trepidation, she bounced over to the window and took in the vista of a tree-lined street, with strange metallic contrivances rushing back and forth. Pinkie wrested her attention back under her control and returned to her point of entry. What’s so special about this book?

A hoof tapped at the book, then prodded with more confidence, finally closing it so Pinkie could read the cover: “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Season One Episode Transcripts.” She lay down in front of it, flipped the cover open, and leafed through the first several pages. Ah! It’s a history book! I wonder if Twilight has this one? Page by page flipped by, then chapter by chapter, each one slowly diminishing Pinkie’s smile. Why are all these chapters about me and my friends? Most of these events aren’t even important. She frowned at Gilda’s bullying, chuckled at her poison joke symptoms, beamed with pride at receiving her cutie mark, and blushed at her behavior the one time her friends had thrown a party for her. Through it all, a tightness built in her throat as the tension thwarted her ability to enjoy what should have been a pleasant bout of nostalgia. Most troubling were the cryptic sheets at the beginning of each chapter that bore such words as “animation” and “written by.”

She returned the binder to the desk and rummaged through the other materials stacked there, finding similar collections of other “seasons,” as well as a movie. Her eyes filling with tears, she read only a couple of random pages from each, which only added to her sense of horror. Trembling and breathing in ragged spurts, she dove back into the book from which she had emerged. One train of thought would dominate her mind for weeks afterward.

It’s like somepony recorded my memories exactly. Everything I know was written down. No more, no less. How could somepony else know what happened so perfectly? And what was it doing in that place?

“I went back there a couple of weeks later and took the first book home with me,” Pinkie said as the tremors of that original experience gripped her body once again. “I asked all of my friends what they recalled about those events. It was the same every time. They all remembered exactly what was in the book. Nothing extra and nothing left out.” She stifled her renewed urge to cry, but failed as her words erupted in a torrent. “When it skipped a day, I couldn’t remember what happened in between! When it didn’t mention me, I have no idea what I was doing! Where was I? Where? Where wa—”

Celestia rushed over to hug Pinkie and give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder as the distraught pony wiped tears from her cheeks. “Pinkie, I wish I could tell you that it was just a bad dream or a feverish delusion, but... I suspect you already know the answer to your question.”

While rubbing her eyes and sniffling, Pinkie gave a hesitant nod. “Yes,” she answered in a tiny voice. “I didn’t exist. It’s like being asleep. I could tell that time had passed, but it was blank.” She finally looked Celestia in the eyes, her own still glistening with sorrow. “And it’s getting worse. The memories feel like I’ve experienced them thousands of times. But the blank times are getting longer, and I only have a few memories from after the events in the books end. I didn’t know where those ones came from...”

“I may be able to fill that part in for you, but all in good time. Go on, please,” Celestia said, adding a gentle nuzzle to comfort her guest.

“Aside from the memories, there are... the dreams.” Pinkie trembled and held her forelegs tightly against her chest. “They... fill in the black times. They don’t seem as real, but they’re so vivid. I found out about them later.”

Pinkie tumbled out of a computer screen and rolled to a halt against a twin bed. She sat up and rubbed her head for a moment. Hee hee! I guess teenagers aren’t much different in any world, she thought as she took in the clothes strewn about and the piles of schoolwork on the desk. Turning back to the screen, she read what was visible on the current page. The cursor blinked back unflinchingly, awaiting her judgment.

When Pinkie reached the end, her jaw dropped. I had this dream last night! I woke up right where it stops! She leaned forward on the desk to take a second look, and her weight tilted the surface enough to send a pencil rolling across a thick spiral-bound notebook. Its clatter against the desktop drew her eye down toward the writing on the open page, which matched the text on the glowing monitor.

She took the pencil in her mouth and made a tentative scratch at the page, then proceeded with more confidence.

Pinkie took the entire plate of cupcakes and gobbled them down in one big bite. They were chocolatey, and creamy, and strawberry-ey, and every other -ey that she could ever want.

Smiling down at her work, Pinkie closed her eyes and envisioned such a feast. Her eyes jerked back open when she realized that she had in fact envisioned it already. It was now part of her dream.

A morbid fascination overtook her has she continued to write.

Pinkie suddenly sprouted pegasus wings and launched herself skyward, soaring and looping through the clouds, her sugary lunch giving her ample energy for the flight. As she dove back earthward, she sprouted a unicorn horn. Its cotton-candy-pink glow caused the ground to rumble, and Pinkie bounced to a landing on an immense pillow of marshmallow, among a cluster of gigantic candy corn and gumdrops. Her uncontrollable giggling kept her rolling on her back until she finally collapsed in exhaustion on the pillowy confection.

She closed her eyes and waited for the heavenly scene to wash over her. After a barely perceptible twitch of her eye, it did. Her shoulders slumped and a blissful sigh escaped her lips as she took great joy in remembering that sensation of flight and power. Once the high had passed, she finally exhaled a deep breath that she didn’t realize she’d been holding. With a final glance toward the doorway, through which she heard the distant sound of approaching steps, she took the notebook in her mouth and hopped back through the computer screen.

“Princess, I—I wrote so many dreams. Hundreds of them,” Pinkie confessed, shaking her head as she stared wide-eyed at the floor. “It was wonderful. I did everything I ever wanted. I even wrote some dreams for my friends. They were surprised that I knew about them, but... they were so happy. Dash flew so fast that she could turn around and watch her own image catch up to her. Fluttershy could change into whatever animal she wanted, and spend some time as each one of her little friends. Everypony in Canterlot wanted Rarity to design Gala dresses and suits for them. The royal chefs chose Sweet Apple Acres as the sole supplier of produce to the palace. And Twilight finished learning all the spells known to ponykind. It was the best gift I could ever think to give them, but... they’re just nice thoughts that fade away.”

Celestia nodded and extended a wing around Pinkie’s shoulders. “I know you just wanted to help. However, it was not enough, right?”

Shaking her head again, Pinkie’s face took on a defiant air. “No,” she declared with authority. “No it wasn’t. Not for them. I wrote a dream for us. All of us. I tore it out of the notebook and put it in the binder, complete with a ‘Written by: Pinkamena Diane Pie’ on the first page. Then it—it happened. It really happened. We had a spectacular party, but I didn’t know how to end it. I wanted it to go on forever, but I realized it couldn’t, so it just stopped. I realized I wasn’t good enough. I’m not a storyteller.”

Pinkie looked back up at Celestia with the first air of conviction she’d shown all afternoon. “I had to learn. So I read as many stories as Twilight would recommend. And I started with small and simple.”

After sashaying her way down the road from Carousel Corner with her usual flair, Rarity met her friend Pinkie at the front door to Ponville’s spa. She gave Aloe a knowing nod, her customary appointment already etched into the calendar without her having to ask.

“My, Pinkie, how divine to have a private session at the spa with you today! I absolutely adore spending a nice intimate afternoon with a friend.”

Pinkie gave her a brief hug, but pulled back when Lotus walked over to wrap her in a robe. “I know, Rarity. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me. We’re friends and we always will be. I don’t ever want that to end.” She looked Rarity squarely in the eye, the intensity of her expression speaking more than her words ever could.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Rarity asked, placing a foreleg around Pinkie’s neck. “Why, you look like you’ve lost something precious to you! Whatever has you so worried?” She retreated a step as her body tensed in preparation for bad news. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no. It’s okay. I just want to spend a day with one of my bestest friends. C’mon! There’s a pair of hoof files waiting for us.” Pinkie bounced off to a massage table, leaving Rarity to follow in a somewhat bewildered state. “Hop up,” she said while patting the neighboring table, her tension already succumbing to the rhythmic drumming of practiced hooves up and down her back. “It’s all going to be okie-dokie-lokie, Rarity. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Well... if you say so, Pinkie.” Rarity climbed onto the table and allowed Aloe to scratch away at her hoof with the file. “Aah, this is nice! Nothing like a relaxing treatment. Lotus, not the honeydew face mask, please. Avocado today.”

Feeling herself sinking further into the table’s padded surface, Pinkie relaxed for the first time in weeks. Her worries eased into the robe’s softness and the masseuse’s efforts. She turned her head toward Rarity and smiled sublimely at cucumber-shaded eyes that couldn’t appreciate the gesture. “I love you, Rarity,” she whispered. “Do you know that? I love all of you. You’re such good friends.”

“What’s that, Pinkie?”

“I’ll tell you some other time. We’ll be seeing plenty of each other.”

“I had to erase so many of the older dreams to get enough paper to write the new scenes. But once they were in the binder, they all became real. It was wonderful to spend so much time with my friends.” Pinkie beamed at the joyful memories, giving Celestia the first genuine flash of happiness she’d seen from her all day. Her good mood was short-lived, however.

Celestia glanced repeatedly back and forth between Pinkie and the door as she considered summoning help. Pinkie’s breathing had become labored and the heaving of her chest increased as she gritted her teeth. “Pinkie, please calm down. I can assist with your problem, but I must know the details.” Her guest struggled to wrestle her emotions down, and after a moment, silently nodded. “Would you like something to drink? Water?” Celestia’s eyes narrowed as she formed a knowing grin. “Chocolate milk?” Pinkie nodded again, a little more vigorously this time. “Guard?” A latch clicked and the oaken door creaked open. “Ah! Bronze Patina! Please have the kitchen staff send up a glass of chocolate milk for our guest.” The guard nodded his acknowledgement and disappeared.

“Pinkie, please tell me more about your dreams while we are waiting.” Celestia sat up with a cheerful glint in her eyes. “You must have had quite a few adventures.”

“I found a lot more of them on other trips, but nowhere close to the number I can remember. I’ve gone to far-off lands, even up to the stars.” A faraway look overcame Pinkie’s features while she paused to think. “It’s beautiful out there. There were times when you were... well, not very nice.” She blushed profusely as her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “I’ve... kissed nearly every mare in town.” After holding up a hoof to stifle her giggle, her face fell as the foreleg slowly dropped to where she could examine it with a careful stare, and hung there, trembling. “I’ve done terrible, horrible things to my friends.” Pinkie’s suddenly vacant eyes focused on a point beyond the opposite wall, and her voice flattened into a monotone. “But not that I would ever do by choice. No. Never. I—I’d never do anything like that. Never.”

“Pinkie, you must concentrate on the positive,” said Celestia in her gentlest tone. With her hoof, she took Pinkie’s chin and turned her head to force eye contact. “You have control over it now. Nopony is going to hurt you.”

A knock on the door sounded, and Bronze Patina brought in Pinkie’s drink. He turned to leave, but could hear her gulping it down, so he just waited for the empty glass. “Another, Miss Pie?” he asked, getting a hasty head shake in reply. He closed the door on his way out and resumed his post.

“I know, Princess. Nopony would hurt me. Unless it was necessary.” She leaned toward Celestia and donned an intense stare. “I could do it myself, if I had to. But what right do I have to hurt anypony else? All the parties I wrote were fun, but... it got stale. I learned a hard lesson.” Pausing to swallow her distress, she continued as her ears slowly flattened. “If you don’t have hay and grass, the cupcakes won’t taste as sweet. You have to have contrast. It takes pain to appreciate pleasure. I had to cause pain. I... had... to cause pain.”

Straining against her plow in the hot summer sun, Applejack dragged its steel blade through a field of recently-mown hay. She stopped for a moment to remove her hat and wipe the sweat out of her eyes. “Whew! It’s a doozy today!” she remarked to the few crows assembled on a nearby split-rail fence. “And y’all are wearin’ black. Pond’s over yonder, if y’all need to take a dip,” she added, pointing to the north. The birds merely continued their stoic vigil for the corn to ripen in the neighboring field.

“Ah, well. I’d best be getting’ back to it.” She replaced her hat and nodded, taking leave of her avian observers. As minutes dragged into hours, row after row of desiccated stalks passed by, and a slight breeze made them rustle and whisper to her. Applejack held her head up proudly as she tore through hard-packed clay, tangled roots, and the occasional rock.

Five rows later, her head had dipped somewhat, and her half-lidded eyes glared ahead as she muttered under her breath. “Land sakes, Big Mac! How long’s it take to tend those trees?” Finishing up a particularly grueling uphill furrow, Applejack craned her neck over the hilltop and looked toward the house. “Apple Bloom! Little help?” she called in a raspy voice. When no answer came, she tugged at the harness anew. Her mouth gaped at the remaining acreage she had yet to cover. “’S alright. Didn’t need help anyhow.”

The sun was not far past its zenith when Applejack finished the hay field. Sweat ran in rivulets down her legs, and her head bobbed with each breath drawn in through a parched throat. “...could do this in my sleep. Why, in Granny Smith’s day, they didn’t even have fancy seed spreaders and such.” A stubborn gleam returning to her eyes, she moved on to the smaller western field.

Halfway through, she was stumbling frequently on the uneven terrain, squinting unfocused eyes at the horizon, and shivering. “Not gonna take no train there. They can’t make me. Crazy’s what that is. If you—if you think that way, then... sometimes, but... what’s that thing called?” Applejack nearly tripped on a clod of dirt, stood wobbling in a splay-legged stance for a moment, then toppled over. Her momentum yanked at the rope and drew the plow’s sharpened steel blade across her leg.

“It’s getting’ late, Apple Bloom,” Big Mac said as he stared out the window at the last green glow keeping dusk at bay. “Ain’t AJ comin’ to dinner?” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Go on and fetch her. It’s not like her to miss a meal after a hard day’s work.”

Apple Bloom trudged out of the house with a sullen expression. “My food better not get cold.” She was gone for a full thirty minutes before Big Mac heard her voice echoing over the hilltops in the moonlit evening. “Big Mac! Big Mac! Come quick!”

He galloped out to the source of the cries to see Apple Bloom trembling in terror over a limp figure in the dust. “Oh no! What happened?”

“I—I didn’t see.”

Pressing an ear to Applejack’s chest, Big Mac could detect a faint pulse and feel the rapid intake of shallow breaths. “She’s alive,” he declared, noting the hours-old sweat caked onto her coat, which was now bone-dry and radiating considerable heat, even in the muggy atmosphere. Apple Bloom moved to tug at the plow, but Big Mac rebuked her sharply. “No! It’s heavy. It might be keepin’ her from bleedin’ worse. Go run for help! Now!”

As Apple Bloom tore down the road at top speed, Big Mac let out an ear-piercing whistle. Winona came running from the house, her wagging abruptly stopping as she cocked her head and whimpered at Applejack’s prone form. “Keep an eye on her, Winona. I’ll get some supplies from the house.”

He returned shortly with a bucket of cold water, a few towels, and a bedsheet. After he soaked the towels and draped them over her head and torso, he fanned air over her body with the sheet. Occasionally, he paused to swap out the towels with a fresh set of cold ones.

Nearly an hour later, Nurse Redheart and an exhausted Apple Bloom galloped up the roadway and skidded to a halt beside Applejack. Big Mac backed away and let Redheart take charge. After taking vital signs and nodding in approval at the first aid Big Mac had administered, she glanced at the stained earth beneath Applejack’s leg. “Big Mac, I’ll need you to move this plow. Lever it straight up, and you have to get it on the first try. Can you do it?”

“Yes’m, no problem.” He walked around the plow, threw the rope over the top, and gripped it tightly in his teeth. “Gimme a hoof, Apple Bloom.” She butted her head up against the plow’s frame and got ready to push.

“Okay, you two. One... two... three... go!” Big Mac gave a mighty tug, and the plow rolled free, tumbling onto its top. As soon as the blade lifted, Redheart pressed on the gash with a bundle of gauze, which became instantly soaked in a bright crimson. The nurse kept adding sheets until the top one remained white, then fastened it down with tape. “Big Mac, go get a wagon. We can take her to my office now. She’s stable.”

Applejack’s eyes opened as she blinked a few times against the bright sunlight streaming through the window. She yawned and began to stretch, but stopped to wince at the pain in her leg. Finally noticing the unfamiliar surroundings, she looked over to see Big Mac and Apple Bloom smiling at her.

“Welcome back, sis,” Big Mac said. “You gave us a scare.”

An array of colorful cards on the table next to her bed caught Applejack’s attention and a bunch of cheery balloons bobbed around on their strings. She flipped the sheet off and swung herself around to stand, but stopped when she saw the ugly purple swelling on her thigh.

“Whoa, Whoa, AJ! Take it easy,” bellowed Big Mac as he tried to shove her back into the bed. She managed to get her bad leg onto the floor, and immediately crumpled when she put her weight on it. A panicked expression swept over her face as she allowed Big Mac to lift her back up.

“Big Mac!” she blurted past the lump that formed in her throat. “I can’t feel my hoof! I can’t feel my hoof!” She offered no further resistance as he slid her back into a reclined position on the mattress. “What happened? Why can’t I feel it? How’m I gonna work?” The first tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them away and preserve her pride.

Unable to think of anything else that would comfort her sister, Apple Bloom merely hugged her. “Sis, I...”

“You pushed yourself too hard again and got heat exhaustion. The plow cut your leg pretty bad.” Big Mac looked away for a moment. “You might’ve severed a nerve. We won’t know ‘til the swelling goes down enough to relieve pressure on it. You got a pretty serious infection.”

“I—I don’t understand how this could happen. How’ll I buck apples? What use’ll I be around the farm?” She stared at the ceiling and pulled her hat off the side table, holding it to her chest and clutching at it for the feel of something familiar.

“AJ, don’t jump to any conclusions, now. We gotta get you better first.” He leaned in to join his sisters in a hug. “You’re the heart of this family, AJ. We’ll get through this, no matter what.”

Pinkie Pie hesitated several times before finally committing to enter Applejack’s hospital room. She had listened at the door for a while first to make sure nopony else would be there. As she walked in, her eyes darted between the floor and the motionless figure in the bed. She stepped so quietly that Applejack, her back facing the door, never heard Pinkie’s approach.

“A—Applejack?” The patient jumped at the sudden voice so close behind her, and rolled over.

“Howdy, Pinkie. I’m glad you could come. Thank you kindly for the balloons, by the way.” A genuine smile adorned Applejack’s face for the first time in days, and her ears perked up toward her visitor. “The doctor says I’ll be just fine. The infection’s clearing up, and I’m getting feeling back in my leg.” Detecting something amiss, she craned her neck up at Pinkie. “You okay, sugarcube? I promise everything’s fine.”

As her tentative smile faded, Pinkie couldn’t hold back her tears. She collapsed onto the edge of the bed and wrapped her forelegs around Applejack’s neck. “I’m so sorry, Applejack! I—I thought it would be a good idea, but I didn’t know it would be like this!”

“Whoa! Just, calm down sugarcube! You haven’t done anythin’.” Applejack rubbed a hoof through Pinkie’s quickly deflating mane to comfort her. “What’s got you so riled up?”

“Please! Please forgive me!” Pinkie blubbered through her sobbing. “I thought I was helping. I really, really thought I was helping. But how could I do that to my friend?” Seizing Applejack by the shoulders, Pinkie looked her in the eye with intense focus. “I promise I’ll never hurt you again. You believe that, don’t you? I couldn’t. I—I—I’ve been a mess these past few days! I would never hurt you. No. You know that, right?”

Wrenching herself free from Pinkie’s grip, Applejack scooted to the far edge of the bed. “Of course I know that! What’s gotten into you? What in tarnation do you think you could’ve done to cause a plowing accident from miles away?”

Pinkie paid her friend’s uneasiness no heed and climbed fully onto the bed, her face just inches from Applejack’s. “Do you forgive me? Please say you do! I’ll never, never, ever do it again! I—I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you hated me. I love you, Applejack! I love all of you!”

“Pinkie! What the...? Yes! Yes, I forgive you! Now, will you tell me what all this is about?” Applejack shouted as she shoved Pinkie back off the bed, then rolled onto her stomach. “You’re startin’ to scare me.”

Sniffling one last time, Pinkie smiled as her mane puffed back up to normal size. “Thank you, Applejack! It’s gonna be better from now on. I’ll make sure of it.” She turned and bounced out the doorway, her voice echoing well down the corridor. “It’s all parties from now on. Even if they get boring.”

Pinkie’s tears flowed down the Princess’s neck as it bore the brunt of her frustration. Her reddened eyes sought solace in the glow of gentle billowing starlight that shone through her eyelids. “I felt so horrible! She forgave me, but she didn’t even know why. How am I supposed to give them a real life when I can’t bear to cause the rotten things that happen every day?” She clenched her jaw and pounded a hoof into the seat cushion. “I tore those pages back out of the binder and ripped them up. Then burned them. It shouldn’t have happened. And now it hasn’t.”

Once Pinkie’s shaking had finally stopped, Celestia rose to her hooves and turned to face her guest. “So you realized what we are, and what responsibility you had assumed.”

Pinkie nodded her silent agreement, but when she understood the full impact of the Princess’s words, she looked up with a start. “You knew? All of it?”

With a disarming smile, Celestia answered, “The broader parts, yes. You have filled in the last few details that I had not discerned.”

“We’re make-believe characters.” Pinkie stated flatly. “What’s considered ‘official’ is real. Anything else is dreams. That’s why the binders and the notebook work the way they do. And the last binder is over three years old now. The ‘watchers’ aren’t creating our world anymore, are they? That’s why the blank spaces have gotten worse.” She lay her head between her forelegs in resignation.

“You are mostly correct, Pinkie. However, we are just as real as they. Just because we have depended on them for our existence does not invalidate it in any way. You are a special case, my little pony. You manage to exist between worlds, and can perceive both. How were you able to take the actions you did when it didn’t exist as material already?” Celestia knelt to bring her face down to Pinkie’s level. “You have the ability that can save us, and you have already done so. I assume you brought them with you.”

Nodding as a glimmer of hope returned to her eyes, Pinkie rummaged through her saddle bag and produced the binders and notebook. “So... you can use these? They’ll really help?”

“Of course, Pinkie.” Celestia floated them onto her desk, then returned to the large chair behind it and opened the strange book she had produced earlier. “You see—I have my own book. Unfortunately, even the most powerful enchantments I could muster only achieved the bare minimum of what your ‘dream book’ can do.” She giggled at the amazement on Pinkie’s face. “You were not the only pony writing dreams, you know.”

“So you... can do it now? I don’t have to anymore?” Her grin extending from ear to ear, Pinkie bounced over to Celestia’s desk. The sovereign had to join in the infectious smile.

“Yes, Pinkie. I have a secret staff of writers who have been contributing to my book. Now that we have yours as well—you do want me to keep them, do you not?” Pinkie nodded so hard that she nearly lost her balance. “Now that we have yours as well, we can ensure Equestria’s future.”

“But... there aren’t very many blank pages left. And how do you deal with making bad things happen? And how do I know this is real? And—” Pinkie said, pausing in mid-leap.

“So many questions!” Celestia interjected. “We can use our own paper, Pinkie. It is the cover that is important. And as for bad things—well, my writers are not fully aware of the effect they have, and I take on much of that burden myself. It is my responsibility,” the Princess answered with a well-hidden flinch. “Feel free to contribute, if you wish. Write as many happy stories as your friends may inspire. Paint a picture. Compose a song. I can use them all. But Pinkie—” She waited for her companion to stop leaping and listen closely. “—you must keep our secret. Nopony can know. That is the one burden I must still impose upon you.”

“Ohhhhhhh! I Pinkie Swear! Cross my heart and hope to fly! Stick a cupcake in my eye!” she chanted, giggling at Celestia’s startled expression.

“Yes. Well... yes. I hope I have been able to allay your fears, Pinkie.” A sly smile crossing her face, Celestia levitated a piece of parchment out of a shadowy corner and into the book, along with a pencil that had scratched out a complete record of their meeting. “And this is why it will be real. Do you feel better?” Receiving a vigorous nod in response, the Princess called, “Bronze Patina! We have concluded our business. You may escort Miss Pie back out. Oh—one last thing. Where are the watchers now?” Pinkie pointed toward a nondescript spot on the wall, then bounded off down the hallway.

Turning in the direction Pinkie had indicated, Celestia addressed her audience. “And thank you, dear reader, for your help. Keep watching, keep reading, keep drawing, keep singing. Every time you do, you create Equestria anew and give us life. Do not worry for us. We have the means to survive now, but we do lack a certain imagination at times. We appreciate what you have done for us, and I hope that in some small way, we have also given you life. I wish you well, and bid you remember always that friendship is magic. Until we meet again.

The Ponyville Games

“Are you okay Sweetie Belle?” Applebloom asked.

The little unicorn had been hopping around in circles for the past ten minutes saying ‘Yes!yes!yes!yes!yes!yes!yes!’ over and over. She stopped jumping and looked at her friend, a huge grin on her face.

“YES!” she exclaimed, bringing her face really close to Applebloom’s.

“Well come on Scootaloo, tell us, what’s all the excitement for?” Scootaloo chimed in.

“Yeah come on, we wanna know” Applebloom added.

Sweetie Belle turned and pulled out an envelope from seemingly nowhere.

“I just got this letter from my cousin in Manetreal! She’s coming to visit me here in Ponyville!” she handed them the letter and resumed bouncing around excitedly. Grabbing up the letter, Scootaloo read it aloud.

Mes Cher Sweetie Belle et Rarity,

I Just thought you would like to know that I might be coming to visit soon. Ma mère et Mon père are visiting Canterlot to discuss some sort of big event with la princesse, Celestia. I asked if I could visit you in Ponyville since it is on the way. They have told me oui, so I will be arriving by train in a few days. I am so excited. I cannot wait to see you and meet all of your friends. Bientôt a.

—Fleur Joli

Scootaloo squinted her eyes and held the paper very close to her face as she tried to pronounce the funny words Sweetie Belle’s cousin had written. Applebloom shook her head in surprise.

“What in the hay did she just say?”

“Yeah Sweetie Belle what sort of foreign gibberish was that?” Scootaloo piped in. Sweetie Belle laughed

“That’s her native language silly, they speak just a tad differently where she’s from” she said giggling.

“Okay so what do these words mean?” Scootaloo asked frustratedly.

“Well, ‘mere’ and ‘pere’ is her mom and dad, ‘oui’ is just their way of saying okay, and Bientot… actually I don’t know that one. Let’s ask Rarity.”

Sweetie Belle and Applebloom ran off while Scootaloo just rolled her eyes. Her two friends stopped and turned back to see if she would follow.

“Aren’t you coming Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle asked. Scootaloo rolled her eyes again and submitted.

“Fine, let’s go see rarity.” She groaned. The three friends then hurried off toward rarity’s boutique.

As they arrived at the Carousel Boutique, they ran into Rainbow Dash, who had been hovering near the door when she noticed them.

“Oh hey girls, watcha up to?” she asked grinning.

“Oh just being dragged around by these two,” Scootaloo replied, “They need to see Rarity about something”

“Oh really?” She responded inquisitively “’Cause Rarity and I were just about to head over to Twilight’s, something about some big event happening in Canterlot, she’ll just be a minute.”

At that point Rarity walked out.

“Sorry to keep you waiting Rainbow Dash, but Opal can be very fastidious about her dinner sometimes. Oh, hello girls. Can I assist you?” she looked down at them, just noticing that they were there. Sweetie Belle pulled out the letter and handed it to Rarity before jumping up and down ecstatically.

“Look sis, cousin Fleur’s visiting! Cousin Fleur’s gonna be here.”

“Fleur?” Rarity asked, blinking in surprise. “She’s coming here?” She took the letter, levitating it with her magic, and examined it apprehensively, speaking aloud softly as she read it.

Upon finishing the letter, and pronouncing each of the funny words from earlier almost effortlessly, she set it down slowly. A mixture of shock and excitement adorned her features for a few moments before she burst out with joy.

“Oh this is just wonderful; Fleur Joli is coming here to Ponyville. Oh I just can’t believe it; I haven’t seen her in ages. And auntie and uncle too, I wonder what brings them this far from home.” She stopped her exuberant outburst and re-examined the letter with increased scrutiny.

“Some sort of big event. How peculiar, that’s the same reason Twilight asked us to come to the library today. Well, I certainly must go see what this is.” She furrowed her brow as she contemplated the mystery event. Handing the letter back to Sweetie Belle, she trotted off towards the tree in the center of town.

“Um, sis?” Sweetie Bell piped up as her sister was leaving. Rarity stopped short in surprise and looked back at her sister.

“What is it Sweetie Belle?” she asked coolly.

“Um, could you tell us what that last word was before her name? I couldn’t remember.” Rarity blinked, and then had the letter fly over to her with her horn. She looked at it for a second before suppressing a giggle and sending it back.

“Sweetie Belle, you should know this.” She said with a smile “It just means, see you soon”

“Ohhhhhh” Sweetie Belle laughed “I should have known that” She and Applebloom fell over laughing. With the girls’ request satisfied, Rarity cantered off toward the library with Rainbow Dash.

“So, Rarity, what do you think this big event is Twilight was talking about?” Rainbow Dash asked as they walked

“I’m not sure Rainbow Dash, but if my aunt and uncle are coming to Canterlot all the way from Manetreal, then it’s got to be something of great significance. Uncle Sabot is the governor over there you know.” Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened at this.

“Wow really? That’s so awesome!” She pressed her hooves to her face in excitement.

They arrived at the library and walked inside to find Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie already there. Fluttershy was being her usual stand-to-the-side self, while Applejack was talking to Twilight, and Pinkie Pie was being, well Pinkie Pie; energetic as ever and jumping around the library, happy as a lark. Twilight turned and noticed them.

“Oh good you’re here Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. I was just discussing with Applejack the reason you’re all here.”

“And that reason is?” Rainbow Dash cut in. Twilight narrowed her eyes at Rainbow Dash,

“Be patient Rainbow Dash, I’m getting to that.”

She looked around to make sure everypony was paying attention.

“Now then, you may have heard that Celestia is holding a summit meeting with the political leaders of other regions from far across Equestria.” An outburst of surprise rang out from the lot of them.

“I didn’t know about that.” said Rainbow Dash

“So that’s why my aunt and uncle are visiting” Rarity concluded.

“What is it for?” mewed Fluttershy.

“I’m glad you asked Fluttershy” Twilight spoke up. “Celestia hasn’t told me what the summit is about but it’s got to be something pretty big if the leaders of all the different regions are meeting together. The reason I’ve called you all in here is because Celestia has decided to move the summit to Ponyville and she would like us to attend.”

“What?” Rarity exclaimed

“US?” Rainbow Dash asked

“Wow, such a big responsibility” Fluttershy cooed softly.

“Well tickle my horse feathers” Applejack declared. Pinkie Pie made to jump on her, but stopped halfway through.

“Um, you don’t have any” she said, pointing.

“I know that Pinkie, it’s a figure of speech. It means I'm plum flattered that Celestia would ask us to attend such an important meetin’” Applejack replied

“Oh” said Pinkie Pie. She put her hooves down, and lowered her gaze.

“So anyway” Twilight went on “A lot of very important Ponies are going to be here, including King Bradley the Beak of the griffons.”

“Wait a second, griffons are coming here?” piped Rainbow Dash. Twilight sighed.

“Ugh, yes Rainbow Dash, the griffons are coming here” She spoke through gritted teeth. “Now as I was saying, a lot of very important ponies will be here, and it’s up to us to make sure everything is ready for their arrival. Rainbow Dash, Clear the sky,”

“Got it.” She replied, saluting with her hoof

“Applejack, you’ve got refreshments,”

“I hear ya.” Applejack responded

“Rarity, organize the decor,”

“It will be my pleasure.” She answered, batting her eyelids

“Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, organize a welcoming party,”

“No problem” Pinkie Pie replied

“Um, okay.” Fluttershy mewed.

“And I’ll make sure our guests arrive without a hitch. Let’s go.” Twilight finished.

“Now wait just a moment, you mean right now?” Rarity piped up.

“Well, Princess Celestia is arriving today, the others should all get here within the next two days, but we don’t know exactly when, so it’s never too early.” They all ran out the door to oversee the task that Twilight had assigned them.

Over the next two days, Chief Thunderhooves of the buffalo herd arrived on foot wearing his headdress. A little while later a large black griffon wearing a golden diadem descended from over the mountain, flanked by two smaller griffons. The crown was encrusted with many different jewels, and was crafted to fit snugly yet comfortably on his head, without getting in the way or producing drag during flight. The front of it came to a curled point resembling a beak, and had two large emeralds just to the side. On the back were two long wing like protrusions extending slightly upward. He wore a bright red coat, embroidered with many seals and patches, and four gold buttons on the front. His talons were decorated with golden covers that masked them almost perfectly. His eyes were vivid green and his white wingtips extended back past his tail at rest.

When the train arrived Rarity’s Aunt and Uncle hopped off, as well as a light pink unicorn about rarity’s age. She had stunning blue eyes, and a flowing lavender mane with streaks of burgundy. Rarity and Sweetie Belle went rushing to meet them.

“Fleur Joli, you’re here!” Sweetie Belle chimed excitedly.

“Ah, salut Sweetie Belle, and Rarity too. It has been too long, yes?” she exclaimed, hugging them both. “Oui Joli, it has indeed been too long.” Rarity replied, before casting a sidelong glance at her aunt and uncle. “I wish I could stay and catch up but I really must be attending to the main hall’s decorations. Have fun with Sweetie Belle. Au revoir” She hurried off toward Town Hall, where the Summit would be taking place.

An hour later, her work was finally done; the main building for Town Hall was completely dressed up with various ribbons and cloth banners. There were twelve seats at the table, which was perfectly round and about twenty feet across. Behind Celestia’s chair, Rarity had hung a large white banner with an emblem of the sun on it matching the mark on Celestia’s Flank. Across from Celestia’s chair was King Bradley. Behind his chair was a large scarlet banner, with a white eagle’s head in the center. On either side of this symbol, was a royal blue silhouette of a griffon on its hind legs, and talons extended toward the center emblem. Adjacent to Celestia’s seat on the right, would sit Chief Thunder Hooves. Behind his chair hung a large brown banner with a white circle outlined in red at the top. In the center of this circle was a blue star, while a white feather hung down from behind the main circle. Adjacent to Celestia on her left, would sit Uncle Sabot. Behind his chair she had hung up a green banner with a big Fleur-de-lis on it in three colors; red, white, and blue.

She had also labeled each of the twelve seats with a glittering name tag, indicating the seating arrangement Celestia had requested. The mayor would sit on Celestia’s right side and Twilight would sit on her left. Aunt Cheval would be on Uncle Sabot’s right side while she, Rarity, took the left. On the right of King Brad and right next to her, would be Fluttershy, while Rainbow Dash accompanied his left side. Apple jack would be next on Chief Thunderhooves’s right, leaving Pinkie Pie to sit between the chief and the mayor.

Rarity only got a minute to admire her handiwork before they began filing in. Celestia was seated first, followed by Chief Thunderhooves, then King Brad, and finally Uncle Sabot. Aunt Cheval and the Mayor came next, and then Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all filed in and took their seats. Rarity trotted over to her chair as Applejack ran around placing an apple tart in front of everypony before taking her seat as well.

“Thank you applejack, they look delicious.” Celestia called to the orange earth pony before addressing the company as a whole. “Good we’re all here; King Bradley, The Beak, from Griffon Village over the mountains, Chief Thunderhooves from the plains, Governor Sabot and his wife Cheval from Manetreal, and our Host, the Mayor of Ponyville.” She inclined her head to each of them as they were named, introducing them to each other.

“Beak, I assume the flight wasn’t too strenuous?” she asked in a polite and inviting tone. He responded with a deep bellowing voice.

“I’ve seen far worse in my younger days. There was a storm cloud here or there on the way, but it was all sunny skies once I got over the mountains near here. I’m told I have this fine young gel to thank for that delightful surprise.” He indicated Rainbow Dash. She nodded excitedly, a huge grin on her face. “Top job miss, splendid I say!” he finished.

“Thanks,” she replied, ears dropping. A slight blush arose across her cheeks for a moment, before she regained her composure. “It was no sweat. I am Ponyville’s number one flyer after all.” She bragged.

“Oh-ho! Number one Flyer you say? Well we’ll just see about that. You’ve got a sporty one here Celestia old gel.” He chuckled, clapping Rainbow Dash on the back with one of his talons, who blushed yet again.

They all joined in laughing and began to talk amongst themselves. Twilight turned to Celestia.

“What’s going on, I thought we were here to discuss some big important event.” She asked.

“Oh Twilight, we are, but it’s been a long time since everypony has seen each other. They’re just catching up on old things, the meeting will commence soon. This is why I asked you to have Applejack prepare snacks. Try chatting with them, King Brad always has another amusing tale to tell.” Twilight looked around and noticed Rainbow Dash and Applejack listening intently while the griffon spoke, occasionally bursting into laughter at one of his jokes. While Pinkie Pie was chatting away to Chief Thunderhooves, who looked slightly entertained by her antics but otherwise bemused. She opted to sit and wait patiently for the storytelling to be over; it was not of great importance for her to mingle with the others in the room.

After nearly a half hour, Celestia called out.

“Alright everyone, I believe you all know why we’re here.” The talking slowly quieted down as all eyes turned to Celestia. “As I’m sure you will all agree, it has been far too long since we were all collected together like this.” Several murmurs of agreement rang out among the company. “We have grown apart; our cultures know little of each other. I propose we instigate some great event that will bring everyone together in one place to allow our different cultures to mingle with each other, strengthening the bond of friendship between them.”

Hear Hear” Called out Chief Thunderhooves.

“Splendid I say.” sang The Beak.

“C’est magnifique!” cried Governor Sabot.

“Wonderful!” said Celestia, “Now does anypony have any ideas as to what this event should be?” The room fell silent. They all began scratching their heads or rubbing the backs of their necks. Finally Governor Sabot was the first to speak.

“We could 'old a grand festival, for everypony to come and share the artwork of their land.” he suggested. He got a nod from Chief Thunderhooves. King Bradley added on to his idea.

“Yes, and we could all gather to tell stories to one another about our adventures since the last festival.”

“And run together through the fields.” Added Chief Thunderhooves.

“All wonderful Ideas.” Celestia said.

Rainbow Dash chose this moment to this moment to throw her two cents in.

“Not bad, not bad, but I’ve got a better idea. How about a competition.” She stared directly at King Brad when she said competition, eyes narrowed in a smile. He held her gaze for a moment, then his eyes widened in realization and he smiled.

“What Ho I say, is this a challenge young miss?” he joked, holding out his talon. She took it in her hoof and shook it.

“Yes!” she said, turning to the entire fellowship as she spoke her next piece. “I propose, the Ponyville Games! Earth ponies, unicorns, pegasi, griffons and bison would come from all around, sending their best athletes to compete in the ultimate series of extreme challenges. It will be the most awesome event anypony has ever seen.” She spoke with finesse, placing her hoof on the table as she finished for added effect.

Celestia eyed her quizzically.

“Now Rainbow Dash, do you fully understand what is entailed for what you’re suggesting?”

“Hold on just a minute Princess Celestia.” Applejack spoke up. “What Rainbow Dash is suggesting isn’t as bad as you think. Friendly competition can be healthy in the right atmosphere. I mean what she’s proposed is basically just one big rodeo. I go to them all the time; it’s a fun way to showcase your skills and talents, and the competition part of it pushes you to become better at what you’re doin’. Not to mention all the nice ponies you can meet and friends you can make that come from all different places.” Rarity spoke up next.

“As well as the business it would bring to Ponyville. Ponies not partaking in the competition would flock for miles around to watch, and while they’re here they’ll be looking at the shops as well. I could show off my dresses to all of Equestria.”

“And I could sell cupcakes!” Pinkie Pie piped up.

“It would be a great way to get to meet everypony from all across Equestria, and everypony would have the chance to display their native styles and traditions, and also share and learn about each other’s culture.” Twilight noted.

Celestia stared out at them all.

“Well, since you all seem in agreement on this, I see no reason why we can’t try it out.” She said, smiling “But I think only having it here in Ponyville would be a bit selfish, let’s make it an annual event, and hold it in a different location every year. The Equestria Games; all in favor, raise your hoof.” She declared. Everypony’s hoof was in the air.

“I think I’ll let that one slide for now Celestia.” King Brad chuckled, raising his talon. Everypony laughed. When everyone had settled down, Celestia addressed the group once again.

“Well, now that we’re all in agreement, let’s get down to business; setting the rules for this competition.”

When Rarity got outside, Sweetie Belle and Fleur Joli were waiting for her.

“How’d the meeting go Rarity?” Sweetie Belle piped up.

“Indeed, do tell what events took place dear cousin.” Fleur spoke.

“Oh, fine, just fine.” Rarity answered.

“Aw come on sis, we wanna know what the big event was all about.” Rarity suddenly noticed that Scootaloo and Applebloom were also with Fleur and were suddenly all three wide-eyed with wonder. She looked as them hesitantly for a second, before finally giving in.

“Oh all right fine,” she replied, feigning exasperation. “I was assigned the task of arranging the lovely décor on the interior of the main hall.” She continued to relate to them in full drama how she had set up the meeting room, and then on to the meeting itself.

“But Rainbow Dash insisted the pegasi would be able to outfly any of the griffons. Of course flying isn’t just flapping your wings, as I should know having spent a day with wings. It was decided that there would be several flying events based on speed, agility, strength, stamina, and accuracy. There would be team events as well, but I wasn’t really listening at that point. I'm not all into those athletic indulgences, but too each their own I suppose. ” Rarity finished.

“Wow, that’s so cool,” Scootaloo exclaimed.

“So even though the Bison are much stronger than we are, we’re just gonna take 'em head on for strength?” Applebloom asked.

“Well it would seem that while they have more strength and endurance than most ponies, they are far less agile or light on their feet as somepony such as Applejack, so it balances out.” Rarity replied.

“So what you’re saying is, everypony is good at something, but might not be so good at something else?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Well Sweetie Belle” Fleur chimed in, “That is a tres magnifique lesson to be learned. You should take it to heart.”

“So, how was your day with these three little… angels” Rarity inquired to Fleur.

“Oh, well let’s just say, housekeeping and florist are no longer on their to-do list.” She laughed.

“I’m terribly sorry we weren’t able to spend the day together Fleur Joli, but I’ve just been so busy.”

“Oh it is quite alright Rarity. We still have a few hours before the train departs. Why don’t you show me to your Boutique, I would love to see what you have done with the place.”

“Now that sounds just darling. Do let’s.” Rarity replied, and the two unicorns headed off toward the Carousel Boutique.

A Lesson

Within the cozy confines of Fluttershy’s cottage, Rarity was cooing her heartbroken pegasus friend. The poor pink-haired filly was much aggrieved and overcome with sobbing, and considering the blow she had been dealt earlier, it came as no surprise.

“I, I just can’t believe it,” Fluttershy choked out the tear-filled words into Rarity’s shoulder. “It was, it was supposed to be perfect!”

“There there, darling. It’s alright,” Rarity said, brushing her friend’s hair gently with her hoof.

“No it’s not! Big Macintosh was my one and only, but he just, just—!”

The timid animal-lover couldn’t finish, instead breaking into more crying. Rarity remained vigilant in her compassion as she let her friend’s tears flow.

“Yes, it was quite startling for him to say not to you like that. Honestly I thought you both fit marvelously for each other,” Rarity said. “But you have to understand, dear Fluttershy. We’re no strangers to love. You know the rules, and so do I—”

“But a full commitment’s what I’m thinking of!”

“Yes yes, and you thought you wouldn’t get it from any other guy,” Rarity resumed. “But, Fluttershy darling, as both your friend and long-time spa partner, I just want to tell you how I’m feeling. I’ve got to make you understand.”

“Huh?” Fluttershy paused in her despair-athon as she looked into Rarity’s gentle blue eyes.

“I want to tell you that, no matter what, I’ll never give you up, never let you down, never run around and desert you.”

“But, you’ve run around plenty—”

“Never will I make you cry, nor will I ever say goodbye. And above all else, I’ll never tell a lie and hurt you.”

“B-but, Rarity? You’ve told lies plenty of times.”

“Oh, why, yes,” Rarity admitted with a blush. “Well, none of them hurt you did they?”

“Well, no, I guess not,” Fluttershy agreed.

“Good. Now that you know how good a friend I am, I say it’s time we—”

“NOT SO FAST, HUSSY!!”

With a thunderous crash of wood the front door flew in across the living room. From the open doorway Rarity gasped at the sight of a very hot-blooded Pinkie Pie, adorned in a suavey trench coat!

“Pinkie Pie! What are you doing here!?” Rarity exclaimed, holding Fluttershy’s head close to her chest.

“Don’t play dumb, Rarity!” Pinkie said while pointing an accusing hoof at the fashionista. “We’ve known each other for so long; your heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it!”

“Whatever are you talking about? Did you drink too much rainbow again?” Rarity asked.

“W-what’s going on?” Fluttershy said half-pleadingly.

“I’m trying to keep you from taking my mare!” Pinkie did the somersault across the room and onto the coffee table before the two other ponies. Looking down on them, she then said, “Rarity! Inside we both know what’s been going on! You’ve wanted to make the moves on Fluttershy for quite some time. Big Mac’s rejection was just the windfall you needed to make your confession. However, we BOTH know the game, and I’M gonna play!”

There’s a considerable pause as the three ponies just looked at other, until Rarity calmly said, “Pinkie Pie, darling. You’re saying quite a lot. Now, I honestly can’t say what I think of it, but,” she paused briefly, as though wrestling with some deep inner conflict. “But, if you asked me how I’m feeling...”

Pinkie leapt down from the table and slammed her forehooves onto the table, snapping the other two fillies to full attention. “Darn it Rarity! Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see! I would never give you up, never let you down, never run around and desert you! I would never make you cry, never say goodbye, never tell a lie or hurt you!”

At this proclamation Rarity lifted her head. “Wait. So, you wouldn’t give me up, or let me down, or run around or desert me?” Pinkie nodded vigorously to this, and Rarity continued, “Nor would you ever make me cry, or say goodbye, or tell a lie?”

“OR HURT YOU EITHER!” Pinkie cried as she leaped back onto the table, only now she was kneeling on one hindleg. “Don’t you see Rarity? I Love You!”

Rarity let out a heartfelt gasp as she stood up abruptly, letting go of Fluttershy’s head in order to cover her mouth. “Oh, Pinkie Pie! I was a fool not to realize that you felt the same way! But I had thought it was a lost cause.”

“There’s nothing lost when it comes to Pinkie Pie,” Pinkie said with a wink. Rarity started swooning amidst all this fiery passion and revelation.

“Oh, take me my one and only!!”

Rarity threw herself into Pinkie Pie’s arms, and with her love in her arms the perky pink pony skipped away, out the door and into the vast bountiful expanse that was their future! However, Fluttershy found herself suddenly alone and immensely confused.

“But... But I still have nothing!”

“For now, maybe.”

“GASP! Rick Astley!?”

And lo and behold, standing there in the living room was the swanky master crooner of love himself, in full trench coat and sunglasses attire. Though immediately starstruck, Fluttershy was quick to recover and ask, “But, why are you here?”

“To see everything goes the way it should,” he answered most smoothly. “Love is a complex game, with set rules for every occasion and encounter. In the case of those two, it was the bold and unabashed who get the happy ending. But don’t worry yourself; someday you’ll find your one. Plus, there isn’t a rule that says you can’t try twice on the same guy.”

“Wow. Thank you, Mr. Astley! I’ll keep hope alive!”

“Be sure that you do,” she said, then turned to the door with a contented sigh. “My work here is done. Time to deliver my profound wisdom somewhere else.”

Taking his leave, the marvelous Rick Astley returned to his back-flipping bartender valet, and together they ascended toward the heavens, where new worlds and new games of love were in play and in need of a seasoned referee.

Blue Is Better

Why did I make this thing...?

"Krastos, let her go!"

Rarity screamed as the creature's thin claws pulled at the gooey strand of mucus around her neck. Its cold, clammy skin shimmered in the light of fires that the townsponies of Ponyville rushed to extinguish. Water dripped from a mane like seaweed, and though the creature had the face of a horse, it stood upon two powerful legs, its body twisted and emaciated, in but one of many forms it had assumed during the fight with the Elements of Harmony.

"No running from Krastos the Gluemaker," it wheezed. "This pony is mine now too!"

As one, the five ponies latched onto Rarity's hindquarters and held her steady, evenly matched against Krastos' preternatural strength. Rainbow Dash rose into the air and shot off, circling Krastos tightly. Though she held his attention, he did not cease pulling Rarity ever closer, as he was now able to slightly overcome the ponies' combined strength.

"Rainbow, stop!" Twilight cried. "We need you here!"

"Just a little more, Twilight... There!" Dipping slightly, the tip of Rainbow's wing clipped the sticky strand holding Rarity captive and snapped it, sending Krastos tumbling head over heels as her friends collapsed in a heap.

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash, that was absolutely dreadful." Rarity's legs shook as she clambered to her hooves.

Twilight's eyes were hard set as she watched Krastos' form shift, first becoming the imposing grey and green horse they had first seen him as, then back to his bipedal form, regaining his footing. He flicked his hands and released two more sticky lines to his sides.

"No running, ponies, no no. Krastos will take you all!"

"This ends now!" Twilight shouted, dropping her head and pawing at the ground. "Formation!"

Krastos' rheumy eyes flicked back and forth as the six ponies drew together, fanning out on the ground and in the air, their pieces of personalized jewelry glowing.

"Hmm, hmm, Elements of Harmony again?" A low chuckle scraped in his throat as the glow intensified. Spheres of light enwrapped his hands and feet, severing the lines he had been holding and tugging his limbs away from each other. "Reduce this nuggle to atoms if you will, ponies, but he will return, for Krastos understands the bindings which hold the universe together!"

Twilight could barely watch as the Elements did their work. More and more rings of light appeared on Krastos' body, drawing his form apart slowly. It was just as Celestia had described, when she had defeated Krastos two hundred years after banishing Nightmare Moon. The Elements couldn't be controlled; their effects were dependent upon their target. Seeing this creature, for all its wrongdoing, being torn asunder before her eyes made her stomach churn.

Scream and laugh mixed on Krastos' lips as the light engulfed him completely. In a flash, it was all over, the light splitting into hundreds of individual motes and shooting off toward the horizon, never to return. The ponies released a collective sigh, but Twilight was already off running.

"Rarity, you're with me. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, grab Pinkie and Applejack and meet us at Highland Reservoir! Get anypony you meet on your way there to join you! There's no time to celebrate; without Krastos' magic to preserve them, we have to save those ponies now!"

Her friends acted immediately, while she formulated and released a teleportation spell over herself and Rarity, bringing them to the edge of the Reservoir in a blink. Beneath the surface of the water, two dozen ponies were flailing in panic.

"Twilight, they're going to drown if we don't do something fast!"

"Grab a line or anything and start pulling them out! Sea Swirl!" Twilight ignored Rarity's stricken look and searched instead for Krastos' first victim, finding her at the very edge of her vision, toward the center of the water. With luck, she was able to make eye contact, and the other unicorn nodded to her, strangely calm beneath the waves. A sphere of space formed around her as her horn glowed and she lifted toward the surface. Having seen its casting in full, Twilight copied the water manipulation spell, diving into the water for the nearest pony she could see.

The others arrived shortly thereafter, with a half dozen ponies in tow who hadn't been busy fighting fires. Between Rainbow's surprising skill at swimming, Applejack's accurate lassoing ability, and Sea Swirl and Twilight's water manipulation spells, they were able to pull every last victim to safety in short order. Once on land, however, the situation became more dire, as more than half of them had passed out with water in their lungs. Under Nurse Tenderheart's care, they were able to save them all, but Twilight had to admit there had a point at which she hadn't held out hope for some of them.

"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle, one of the lucky victims who had been able to hold her breath, clung to her older sister. Now that the crisis was over, it was time for tears of relief. Ponies sat down with their friends and loved ones, even with total strangers, shivering beneath warm blankets, thankful to be alive. A tense stillness fell over the scene until one shrill voice near the water's edge cried out,

"I want it!"

All heads turned to see a bedraggled and soaked pink filly, her eyes locked on Twilight despite her shivering.

"Diamond Tiara?" Sweetie found herself at a loss for words as her classmate stalked over, shedding her blanket, until she was nose to nose with Twilight.

"I lost my tiara because of that monster, so you should totally give me yours!" the filly screeched. Twilight threw an awkward look at Rainbow Dash, who laughed and brought the blanket back over to cover Diamond Tiara again.

"Sorry kiddo, no can do. That right there is an Element of Harmony. You kinda have to be chosen to wear it and stuff."

The filly sneered, undeterred. "It's not fair! My talent is jewelry modeling, so why does she get a bigger tiara than me?"

Twilight sighed. "Diamond Tiara, it's not that simple. Shouldn't you just be thankful you're alive?"

Diamond rolled her eyes. "What's the point in living if you don't have anything nice to wear? This is my talent we're talking about! My destiny?"

Sweetie Belle, face scrunched up in indignation, stalked over. "Well maybe we should just throw you back into the reservoir so you can get your dumb tiara back!"

"Yeah!" called a voice from the crowd. "Who cares about some jewelry?"

"Sheesh, have you ever seen a pony with her priorities so backward?"

"I've never met anypony so ungrateful..."

"Why, if I was her dad, I'd–"

"Everypony, please," Rarity said, dragging Sweetie back by the tail. "Let us not all gang up on a filly who is obviously shaken from this awful experience and not thinking correctly!"

She put on her best smile and moved over to Diamond Tiara. "Now Miss Tiara, I know Twilight's crown is very fashionable and I can understand why you might want it. But the fact is, to be able to bear an Element of Harmony requires many things"–she lowered her voice so only the filly could hear–"which you do not possess."

Diamond glared at her, but Rarity continued.

"Grace. Maturity. Self-restraint. Generosity, in my case, and magic"–she lowered her head so Diamond could see her horn–"in Twilight's." She was cut off from further criticisms as Filthy Rich pushed his way through the crowd.

"Diamond! Diamond!" He knelt down as his daughter rushed to him, nuzzling her affectionately. "Oh, thank Celestia you're all right!"

Diamond Tiara put on the largest pout she could muster. "Daddy, these ponies are being mean to me! I lost my tiara in the reservoir and they said I can't wear that big crown because I'm not old enough!"

"Oh they did, did they?" Filthy squared up and stared Rarity down, who, for her part, shied away from his gaze. "And just who are you to tell my daughter what she can and cannot do, hmm?"

Rainbow Dash flitted forward, hooves crossed over her chest. "How about the ponies who saved your daughter's life, huh?"

"Rainbow." Twilight held up a hoof. "Look, Mister Filthy..."

"That's Mr. Rich to you!"

Twilight winced. "Mr. Rich, I'm sorry, but the fact is, until a time comes when my friends and I are no longer needed to bear the Elements of Harmony, Diamond Tiara simply can't have this crown." With a thought, she returned her Element to its base state, a purple jewel in the shape of her cutie mark. "That's just how it works. Why don't you both come with me to the library? I'll loan you a book that will explain all about the Elements."

Filthy glowered at her, but nodded and followed Twilight as she walked back into town. Applejack sighed, rubbing her face with a hoof.

"Okay, everypony, show's over! We can start thinkin' 'bout rebuildin' now. Let's get the victims somewhere warm, how about that?"

As the crowd nodded assent and began to gather themselves up, one shrill voice called out from the periphery, as it was lead away.

"I wanna be an Element of Harmony!"

Filthy Rich rubbed his eyes; he'd spent the whole evening reading The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide while his daughter slept on his bed, just a few feet away. She'd fallen asleep somewhere between the library and their house, and he just couldn't bear to let her out of his sight after what had happened. Yet, as much relief as he felt at her safe return, he had to consider a very unsavory proposition: Twilight Sparkle and her friends were right.

Ever since her mother had died in childbirth, Diamond Tiara had been his reason for living. When he wasn't busy running Rich's Barnyard Bargains, he had spent his every waking moment doting on her. The truth was, he'd spoiled her, spoiled her rotten. He'd been all too willing to overlook her transgressions, to dismiss the accusations of poor behavior as coming from unsavory types, jealous of their wealth or success.

"Rich, you've been blind for long enough," he said with a sigh. "You can't ignore the accusations any more."

He turned his gaze towards her as she stirred and awoke with a hiccup.

"D-Daddy?"

"Right here, Princess." Stepping off his chair, he moved over to the bed and nudged her gently. "I'm right here."

Groggy, she wiggled over until she could just touch the tip of his nose. "I was really scared, Daddy."

"I was, too."

"Am I..." Her eyes turned away from his. "Am I a bad pony, daddy?"

He sucked in breath through his teeth. There was no time like the present. "No, honey, you're not a bad pony." Don't drop the ball this time, Filthy.

Diamond's face scrunched up into a pout. "Then why are ponies always mean to me? Why did they say those things to me?"

Filthy sighed and clambered up onto the bed, giving himself a little more time to formulate a response. "Sometimes, sweetheart..." He held his filly close and cleared his throat. "Other ponies say mean things because they're jealous or mean themselves and want to hurt you. And you shouldn't let such things hurt you, because then you give those ponies power over you. But sometimes..."

Tiara was all rapt attention and wide eyes. He sighed. "Sometimes, dearest, ponies say things that are hurtful, not because they want to hurt you, but because they care. They may be things you don't want to hear, but..."

"Wait."

Filthy cringed as his daughter's eyes hardened. This wasn't going to be easy.

"You're saying that all those things they said about me are true?"

"No, pumpkin, believe me! I mean, you've... You've got grace! Loads of grace!"

"Daddy." Her tone was dangerous. "You said I'm not a bad pony. Are you lying to me?"

"Diamond Tiara, I am not lying to you!" He put force behind the words, trying to regain the upper hoof in the conversation. "You've got flaws, everypony does, but that doesn't make you a bad pony!" He let out a breath. "Listen to me. I read that book from start to finish, and you know what it told me? A bearer of the Elements of Harmony has to be giving, kind, honest, loyal and fun! You need to be mature, Diamond! Above all else, you have to be a good friend, or you'll never be able to have one of the Elements. That's just the way it works."

The filly's face brightened immediately. "Well, I'm great friends with Silver Spoon! We have all kinds of fun, and we're totally loyal to one another! As soon as I get mature enough, I'll totally be able to be an Element of Harmony! I'll be the Element of Magic and then I'll have the biggest tiara ever and nopony will ever laugh at me again!"

"Diamond, I..." He sighed. She was already up and bouncing around the bed, giggling over her fantasy. "One step at a time, I guess. You'd better start with the growing up."

"...And then he said he'd buy me a new tiara today! Whatever I like! Somepony dragged the old one out of the reservoir, but it was all gross and covered in weeds and mud so I said to throw it away."

"Eww, double yuck! I hope you find a nice one, you totally look better with one on."

"Like, I know, right?" Diamond and Silver Spoon giggled together, relaxing beneath the shade of a tree on the playground during recess. "It'll be soooo much better having a tiara again. All my old ones are so... old! And some of them don't even fit anymore. Anyway, this will make me feel way better until I can grow up and become the Element of Magic!"

Silver Spoon formed her mouth into an 'o' and giggled again. "Hey Diamond Tiara, do you think I could be an Element of Harmony too?"

"Oh, for sure!" Diamond closed one eye and stuck her tongue out, trying to remember what the Elements were. "Uhh, you'd totally be... The Element of Loyalty, because you're my P.F.F.!"

That seemed to please Silver Spoon, who initiated a bump, bump, sugarlump rump. "Who do you think would be the other Elements, then?"

That question stumped them both. They scanned the playground, and both their gazes fell upon the Cutie Mark Crusaders playing hopscotch with Twist.

They exchanged horrified glances, then snorted before rolling on their backs, releasing peals of laughter.

"Oh, as if!"

"Gag me with two spoons!"

Silver Spoon gathered herself up and grinned. "Let's go make fun of them."

Diamond nodded, regaining her hooves. "Good idea! We can totally tell them we're going to be Elements of Harmony, and that will like, sooo get them mad!"

They trotted off toward the blacktop. After a few moments, the four fillies noticed they had been targeted. Twist made some excuse and took off in the opposite direction, but the other three stood their ground, expressions hardening.

"Well, well, well," Silver Spoon began, "if it isn't our least favorite trio of blank flanks!"

"Weren't there four of them, Silver Spoon? Oh, that's right, Twist chickened out and ran away!" They shared a prim laugh.

"Hey, you leave her alone!" Scootaloo shouted. "It's no fair picking on somepony who's not even here!"

"Is that so?" Diamond raised an eyebrow. "Then I'll just have to pick on you blank flanks instead, how about that?"

Apple Bloom smirked, setting her off her guard. "Well good luck with that, 'cuz we ain't blank flanks no more!"

"Not all of us, anyway!" Sweetie Belle added. Scootaloo turned, giving them a view of her flank.

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara recoiled as though they'd been shown a can of worms or a picture of something gross, rather than a heart surrounded by flowing blue lines. Silver Spoon made a disgusted noise and laughed dryly.

"What kind of a cutie mark is that? It sure doesn't look like a Scootaloo to me."

"Yeah," Diamond added, "what are all those lines? Does it mean you love lace and ribbons?" Their laughter was cut short as Scootaloo drew herself up, puffing out her chest and glaring at them.

"Those are speed lines, dummies. My special talent is going fast. It doesn't matter if I'm on a scooter or flying... Well, I still can't fly yet, but when I can, I'm gonna love moving way faster than either of you two slugs ever will!"

Silver Spoon gave her a disgusted look. "Yuck! Who'd want to go fast anyway? That's a dumb talent!"

The idea of one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders actually having her cutie mark now made Diamond's bile rise. "Yeah, uh... I mean, your mane would get all messed up and... And it's nowhere near as interesting as being an Element of Harmony!"

"My sister's one of those!" cried Sweetie Belle.

"Mine too!"

"And we will be too, someday!" Silver Spoon lifted her chin.

"Like hay you will!" Scootaloo pointed a hoof at them. "You two aren't anywhere near cool enough to be an Element like Rainbow Dash!"

Silver Spoon sneered at her. "Well, it doesn't change the fact that there are more blank flanks in your dumb little group than not. Looks like you're the Cutie Mark Duo now, hah!"

"Yeah!" Diamond was very glad that Silver Spoon was so good at this; she was still recovering from the shock of seeing that cutie mark and having a hard time thinking up comebacks. She sauntered into the midst of the Crusaders, head held high. "I mean, as if! Once a blank flank, always a blank flank!"

"Uh, Diamond Tiara," Apple Bloom said slowly, "that don't make no sense. Wouldn't that mean you're both still blank flanks?"

Diamond scowled. "Shut up! You think you're so smart, but now that Scootaloo loves going fast so much, she'll leave you two in the dust from now on!" She leaned in close and glowered at Sweetie Belle. "Looks like we've seen the last of the Cutie Ma–"

Diamond wasn't really sure what happened. One moment, she'd been taunting her favorite punching bags in the playground, and the next she was looking at a bright blue sky that was strangely filled with stars. Miss Cheerilee's voice floated somewhere overhead.

"...Does not give you the right to resort to violence! Since you three won't fess up to who did this, you'll all be spending the rest of the week in detention and writing letters of apology to Diamond Tiara!"

There was a chorus of "Awww!"s and Diamond's head lolled to the side. It hurt something awful. She blinked and her vision became blurry, but through the tears, she could see Silver Spoon, staring at her and shifting from one hoof to another. Strong hooves helped her stand and her head swam; the next thing she knew, she was in the school infirmary with a bag of ice on her forehead. Voices murmured out in the hallway, and Silver Spoon sat in the corner opposite her. She perked up as Diamond Tiara's words caught in her throat, making her cough.

"Wow," she said, "that blank flank really did a number on you."

"What happened?" Diamond was able to croak.

Silver Spoon waved a hoof. "Figure it out. It was kind of embarrassing and I'd rather not talk about it. All I know is we totally need to get revenge on those dumb blank flanks for what they did to you."

Diamond winced. "What d'you mean?"

"You know." Silver Spoon held up her hooves. "Revenge. Do to them what they did to you, only worse. Burn down their little clubhouse or something, I dunno."

"What? But that's like... Wrong..."

"Wrong?" Silver Spoon clucked her tongue. "What's wrong is them not knowing their place! They're the ones who wanted to make this... physical." She sneered. "So we need to take the fight to them, double time!"

Diamond tried to shake her head, but the room started tilting and she had to catch her breath. The buzzing in her ears coalesced into the voice of her father.

Above all else, you have to be a good friend, or you'll never become one: giving, kind, honest, loyal and fun.

She closed her eyes. "Would you leave me alone?" she murmured.

"What?"

"Just, get out!" As shouting made her head hurt worse, she lowered her voice. "I need to think."

Silver Spoon hesitated a moment, then shrugged and stood. "Whatever. See you tomorrow, DT."

As she watched the grey filly leave the infirmary, Diamond was struck by strange doubt. She was good friends with Silver Spoon, right? But Silver hadn't seemed too concerned about her well-being, focused instead on revenge. Why? Who cared if some dumb blank flank knocked her for a loop? They were the ones going to detention. The idea of revenge, of escalating and making things worse, left a cold pit in her stomach. What was the point? Worse, why hadn't her best friend asked how she was doing, or whether she was okay?

That wasn't being a good friend, was it? But...

"Diamond!"

She turned to see her father rushing into the room. "My baby, what did they do to you? I'll make sure they're all..."

"Cool it, Daddy." She winced slightly and shifted the ice pack's position on her head. "Just... take me home?"

Her father exchanged a nod with Miss Cheerilee, helped her to her hooves, and led her out of the schoolhouse.

"See you tomorrow, Diamond Tiara," her teacher said with a smile as they left. "I hope you'll be feeling better."

Diamond returned the smile fleetingly and shuffled out the door.

"Daddy," she began once they were well on the road back to their home, "are you still going to get me a new tiara?"

"Of course, princess, of course."

Diamond waited a few moments before speaking again. "I still want the one Miss Sparkle has. A-and... I want to get it the real way. What do I have to do?"

Her father gave her a sidelong glance. "Are you sure you're up for it, pumpkin? I could always have somepony make you one that looks the same..."

"It'd be fake!" The shouting made her wince again; the pain dulled her anger. "Are you saying I don't have what it takes to really become an Element of Harmony."

She missed the smile that passed his lips. "Well, I don't know, sweetheart. That's entirely up to you. But if you're sure you want to try, here's what you have to do:

"Get some real friends. Not like that nasty Silver Spoon, I mean ponies your age who will care about you when you're hurt and who you'll do the same for. Get a hoof on controlling your temper; you even know how bad it can get. Learn how to give instead of just asking for things. Maybe try little manual labor."

As each iota was spelled out, Diamond Tiara cringed. Maybe her father was right; maybe she wasn't cut out for this.

"That sounds like a lot of work."

"Well, it is, sweetheart, but those are the rules. It's up to you whether you follow them. And let me tell you something else: you've got your whole life ahead of you to practice until you get each one right. You have to grow up first anyway before you can have an Element, right? So there's no rush, take your time."

She couldn't nod, so she just "mmm"-ed instead. She was going to have a lot to think about when she got home.

Her temper was the first thing to work on. She thought that keeping in mind the pain she'd experienced after that fight with the Crusaders would remind how much it hurt when she got mad.

It didn't help. For weeks, she floundered by herself, trying everything she could think of to get herself to change. Nothing worked. She couldn't change herself and she couldn't bear to leave Silver Spoon's company, even though her friend began to grow more and more distant because of her strange behavior.

One day, Silver Spoon showed up at her house. She didn't even blink when Diamond Tiara suggested they go up to her room.

"I just came to tell you that my family's moving to Canterlot," she said plainly.

"W... You're moving away?"

"Yeah. I didn't even really want to tell you, but my mother said I should."

Diamond blinked. "But..."

"We're going to the new house tomorrow." She paused. "I guess maybe we should bump, bump sugarlump rump one last time, huh?"

"Silver Spoon."

"What?"

"You're my friend, right?"

The grey filly shrugged. "Yeah, I guess, why?"

"You're my only friend." Tears crept into the corners of Diamond's eyes. "The only friend I've ever had. And now you're just leaving. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

Silver Spoon frowned. "No, not really."

Anger welled up inside Diamond, and once again she was unable to quell it. "Don't you feel, I don't know, the least little bit sad that you'll never see me again? Wouldn't you at least rather hug instead of bump, bump?"

Silver Spoon made a face. "Ew. When did you get so gross?"

"You don't even know the meaning of friendship, do you?"

"Whatever. Look, here's my new address. We can write letters or some junk to each other." She produced a card and dropped it at Diamond's hooves. "But if you're gonna be all weird on me, maybe we just shouldn't."

"Yeah." The word was out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about it. "Maybe we shouldn't."

They stood in silence until one of them coughed and the other scratched at the back of her hoof.

"Goodbye, I guess," Diamond said.

"Yeah."

Diamond watched her former friend trot down her front stairs and off down the road. After a few paces, Silver Spoon stopped and turned to look at her. Her heart leapt.

"Hey, just because... Don't lower yourself to their level, okay? That would just be stupid. Seeya."

Diamond Tiara shook her head. "No," she whispered, "you won't."

The next day, Diamond Tiara went to school alone. She sat in class alone. She ate lunch alone. She sat on a swing during recess, alone. One pony on the playground gave her a pitying look and she hated it. She walked home alone.

At home, in her pink-festooned room, she sat, alone, feeling numb, empty, and sorry for herself. There was nothing to do, nopony to see. Slowly, her left hoof reached out and opened her desk drawer. She felt around for a moment, before producing a yellow piece of construction paper. The right drawer yielded her collection of markers.

Reverently, she drew up the first marker to her eye level. It was red. She uncapped it and smelled the heady artificial cherry it had been scented with. Taking it in her mouth, she lowered her head and with broad strokes wrote "BE A" at the top of the page.

Only then did she look at the rest of her marker collection. Purple seemed the appropriate choice. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the day she was pulled out of the water: the hurtful words, the anger, the shivering cold, and that crown. Slowly, carefully, she began to sketch with the marker. Sweat beaded on her forehead. When the marker began to shake, she would sit up, only to go right back to drawing.

After the better part of an hour, she finally stopped. It was not completely symmetrical, and with rounded tips that should have been sharp, but it sat before her on the page and she felt proud to have created it: a facsimile of Twilight's crown, complete with the six-pointed star cutie mark that she now began to fill in with pink.

Once she was satisfied that she had left no yellow inside the outline, she took up the red marker again. Then, frowning, she dropped it in the drawer and went instead for the blue, uncapping it with her hooves as she held it in her mouth. Red was a color that commanded attention, if not respect; blue was softer, more friendly. With it, she wrote "BETTER" in over-large letters beneath the image of the crown. Then she took the orange marker, for contrast, and wrote "PONY" beside the first word, though she hadn't left quite enough space and the Y became smashed against the side of the page.

No matter. She held it up, tacking it to the wall above her desk, and smiled.

"Tomorrow, I make friends," she said. Implicit was the proclamation that it wasn't because she was lonely, only because she wanted the tiara. But something about that felt hollow and so she left it unsaid.

Turning, she began to clean up the markers: orange, pink, purple, red, blue. She paused with the blue marker in her mouth, and held it up, as though she were looking at it for the first time.

In a rush, she tore down the poster and flipped it over. In a space near the top, where it wouldn't bleed through and interfere much with the front side, she wrote, in very tiny print, "Blue is better." Then she squinted at it, uncomprehending.

Shaking her head, she capped the marker, set it in the drawer, and climbed atop her desk so she could tack the poster in a more permanent position higher up the wall. It was in a spot where she would be able to see it as she went to sleep and woke up each day. With any luck, it would remind her just what she was trying to do, if her resolve should ever waver.

Diamond Tiara drew in a breath, closed her eyes, and strode toward the trees in the back corner of the playground. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo all noticed her immediately and kept their eyes on her. When she reached their position, her mouth suddenly went dry, so she kept it shut.

"Uhh..."

"D'you want somethin'?" Apple Bloom asked, one eyebrow cocked.

"I, uh... I wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?" Scootaloo nearly took to the air, her wings buzzing angrily. "What for?"

"For..." Hot shame flushed her face. Her head felt heavy. "For all the mean things I've said to you three over all the time we've known each other. Especially last week." She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to visualize the crown. "I just said those things because I was jealous and wanted to hurt you all. I'm sorry."

She stood there a moment longer, and when nopony said anything, began to walk away.

"Diamond Tiara, wait!" Apple Bloom's voice made her lift her head, to see the yellow filly rushing over to her.

"Do... D'you mean that, what you said?"

Diamond nodded, if a bit sullenly.

"That's nice. Nice o' you to say, I mean. What about Silver Spoon?"

Diamond maintained a stoic expression. "She moved away. I can't apologize for her. But I doubt she'd want to anyway."

Apple Bloom turned to look back at her friends. "Well, uh... I noticed you looked kinda lonely yesterday, I guess that explains that..."

"I am not lonely!" She gritted her teeth against further outbursts. "Spare me your pity. I just want to do the right thing, okay? Don't make me regret it."

Apple Bloom actually smiled at her. "Well, if'n you need some friends, you're welcome to come play with us."

"No she's not!" Scootaloo shouted, and Sweetie Belle nodded, her eyes serious. Diamond frowned back.

"Well, I mean..." Apple Bloom looked nervously away. "I'll talk to 'em. Or maybe you 'n me can play together sometime, if they don't wanna."

Diamond forced herself to smile; she was surprised that it didn't take much effort on her part. "Thank you. I'd... like that."

Apple Bloom's smile widened. "Every pony needs a friend, after all. Well... see you around, I guess."

Diamond nodded and watched her rejoin her friends. It hadn't been a perfect first try, but she felt better already.

The next day, the image of the crown poster was forefront in her mind as Diamond Tiara pushed open the door with "Foal Free Press" painted on the window. Typists at their keyboards, gophers running hither and thither, the ever-churning printing press: all came to a sudden halt as she entered the basement press room. The colt running the press stepped out from behind it, leveling a bemused smirk at her.

"Well," he said, his voice thickly nasal, "never though I'd see you here again."

"I'd like to speak to the Editor in Chief please, Shady Daze, if you wouldn't mind." She spoke the words 'Editor in Chief' as though she didn't know the identity of the colt sitting in the oversized chair behind the desk at the head of the room.

Shady turned his head and called, "Hey Chief! Your... predecessor wants to see you."

The giant maroon chair slowly swiveled about, revealing the scrawny white colt who had usurped Diamond's once glorious position. She ground her teeth together as his calm smile washed over her.

"Well, well, if it isn't Diamond Tiara," he said, his quiet voice carrying a sinister undercurrent. "I'd heard from Miss Cheerilee that you'd be coming back, but that doesn't answer the question: To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Diamond narrowed her eyes. The last thing she needed was this pipsqueak getting under her skin. She stalked up to the desk and placed her forehooves on it, so she could talk to him without being overheard. "Don't think I don't know what you and Shady Daze did to take my place running the newspaper."

One of his eyebrows raised. "Oh? And what would that be?"

She growled. "It doesn't matter. I couldn't prove it if I tried."

"No," he said, his grin only widening, "no you couldn't."

"I just want you to know that I know." She took a deep breath and settled back off the desk. "As for why I'm here, I asked, and Miss Cheerilee that if I behaved myself, she'd let me back on the paper staff. As a reporter."

"Is that so? Just what could you report on, I wonder? We're not the dirt rag you ran anymore, I'll have you know."

She allowed herself a little smirk. "I could cover fashion. It's my area of expertise, you see. Or maybe a who's-who of Ponyville Elementary. I know all about the popular foals, after all."

"So you do, so you do." It was maddening just how calm Featherweight was. "I think that would suit you just fine, actually."

Diamond's smile became genuine. "Good, because I think..."

"Lemon Daze!"

A white earth pony filly with blond mane perked up from where she'd been reviewing an article she'd written.

"You're moving up to city beat. We've got a new playground reporter as of today."

Lemon Daze clopped her hooves happily and dashed out the door, while Diamond Tiara could only look shocked.

"What? Playground? But I..."

"You're going to be reporting on popular students, Diamond Tiara," Featherweight crowed, leaning forward on his desk. "Starting with the kindergartners. Isn't that what you wanted?

Diamond stood, mouth open, staring straight ahead.

"At the very least, it will give you something to work your way up to."

She remained staring, open-mouthed, for the remainder of the day as she interviewed little foals on the playground after school.

"...An' then we saw a kraken!" The brown and white colt continued to hop in a circle around her as he spoke. "It was big an' green with lots o' tentacles and it went 'Whoosh, roar, crash!' so then I tole my crew, I said, 'Git to the mizzenmast! All cannons away!' an' then we blew it outta the water, boosh!"

"That's... so very riveting..." Her left eye had developed a twitch somewhere between Dinky Doo's discourse on her favorite muffin recipes and Pipsqueak's recounting of his make-believe pirate adventures. The notebook and pencil dangled limp on a cord around her neck. There was no way she was going to survive this.

"An' then I said, I said... Hey, umm, Miss Diamond, are you listenin' to me still?"

Diamond's entire mouth twitched. She tried desperately to think of the crown, but it was getting harder to focus on through the haze of privateers and merponies. Her saving grace came unexpectedly in the form of Apple Bloom, who hailed her from the pathway in front of the school.

"Hey Diamond Tiara, what're you doin'?"

"Thank you, Pipsqueak," she said hurriedly, "I think I can make a wonderful story out of this." She turned and galloped off toward Apple Bloom before he could respond.

"Thank Celestia you're here," she gushed, "I was going out of my mind listening to kindergartners and their dumb playground games!"

Apple Bloom laughed, and Diamond realized that her older sister was with her.

"Well, that sure don't seem like somethin' you'd do willingly," she said. "What's up?"

A defiant response presented itself, but she let her head and shoulders droop instead. "Working my way up."

Applejack smiled. "Sounds like yer learnin' a lesson about humility there, sugarcube. This sure don't seem like somethin' the filly I pulled outta the reservoir woulda done. Why the sudden change?"

This time the defiance showed through as Diamond lifted her head, eyes blazing up at Applejack. "I want to become an Element of Harmony, like you! And I want that crown! It's the biggest, most amazing tiara I've seen in my entire life, even better than Princess Celestia's, and it should be mine!" The words coming out of her mouth were like sandpaper. "And... And I need to find some friends." She turned her face away, mumbling, "I'm trying to be a better pony than I used to be."

"Well now!" Applejack exclaimed, smiling wide. "There ain't nothin' with havin' a goal and makin' friends!" She tousled Diamond's mane, and the filly responded with a frozen expression of horrified disgust. "Good luck with gettin' your priorities sorted out, kiddo!"

The Apples took off down the road, but Apple Bloom stopped after a few paces. "Applejack, d'you think maybe Diamond Tiara could come visit our house sometime?"

Applejack shrugged. "Don't see why not, if you're willin' to be friends with 'er. How 'bout it, DT?"

Diamond's eye began twitching again. Forcing her mouth into a smile, she croaked, "Sure!" before reverting to her previous look of disgust.

"See you later then, Diamond!" Apple Bloom called. Diamond waved after them, but inwardly was still screaming about her tousled mane. If she was going to be visiting the Apples' barn, she'd need a long bath first.

"Why did I make this thing?"

That simple question had brought the last six years back in a rush of memory. Diamond Tiara was now a far cry from the snot-nosed little brat she had been once, almost a full-grown mare. As she stared at the sun-faded marker on the blanched poster, she realized just how much she'd forgotten about it.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, bullied by Apple Bloom, had eventually come around to accepting her, or at least tolerating her presence. She got the feeling Sweetie still didn't like her all that much, but in time, even Twist had made friends with her. She climbed the ranks of the Foal Free Press and kept up fashion reporting into middle and high school. She got another tiara – she really did feel incomplete without one – but neither it nor its successors had been anywhere near as gaudy as what she had worn as a foal.

She was almost certain it was the anniversary of the day Ponyville had been attacked, so many years ago. It was a day she almost lost her life, and instead found a new one. It was the only reason she would find herself now staring at that faded poster and reminiscing about everything it had done for her.

"Diamond!" Her father's voice floated up the stairs. "Your friends are here!"

She moved toward the door, then stopped. "One second, Daddy, I'll be right down!"

Swiftly, she hopped onto her desk, shoving her textbooks to one side and sending newspaper clippings scattering to the floor. Acting under a sudden mania, she unpinned the poster from her wall and flipped it over. There, at the top of the rear side, far closer to the original yellow of the paper, she found what she'd been looking for.

"Blue is better."

She read the words aloud with reverence, yet still she had no idea what they meant beyond being a simple description of a word on the obverse side. She laughed, shaking her head, and repinned the paper to the wall, with that cryptic line now facing outward.

"Am I blue yet, I wonder?"

"Diamond, theriouthly, you take forever to do anything, I thwear." Red mane poked the bedroom door open. "Did you forget about what we're doing today?"

"Sorry, Twist, I was just thinking about something. I haven't forgotten." She turned to her friend, smiling. "Let's go."

They trotted downstairs and Diamond gave her father a smile as they headed out. "Bye, Daddy, we're off to the retirement home!"

"Have a good time," he replied, smiling proudly.

That, she thought, made it all worthwhile. Truth be told, she wasn't a hundred percent excited about helping the old ponies. They could be weird sometimes, weird in the head, and some of them smelled bad – she had made peace long ago with the idea that, no matter how much she might have changed, she would never be able to abide dirt or foul odors – and sometimes they told rambling, depressing stories. It wasn't where she wanted to be for the rest of her life, but for now? It was a great way to provide a valuable service to the community, and that made her feel good.

"Tho, I wath working with Pinkie Pie today and we came up with the betht idea: cupcake candy caneth!"

"Pinkie's been making candy cane cupcakes since we were foals, Twist."

"No, no, I mean candy caneth that tathte like cupcaketh! It'th thtill in the early rethearch thtageth, but I think it'th gonna be the thtart of a beautiful friendthip between candy and thweetth!"

Diamond laughed. "With the two of you working on it, I'm sure it will be great!"

As they meandered through town, they met up with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. Out of the four of them, Sweetie was the only one lacking a cutie mark, a fact which none of the rest of them tried to notice, but Diamond sometimes blamed herself for. Sweetie had a tendency, when it was pointed out to her, to lash out at whoever was doing the pointing, and she still hadn't let Diamond forget the "Once a blank flank, always a blank flank" line. Despite this, everypony knew that it was her slavish devotion to being just like her older sister that kept Sweetie's flank blank. Diamond still felt twinges of guilt now and then.

"So Sweetie, how's your coltfriend doing?"

Sweetie snorted. "We're not speaking right now."

Diamond gave Apple Bloom a look. "Again? Come on, Sweetie, that's like the third time this year."

The unicorn shook her mane primly. "And it'll be a fourth time if he doesn't learn to keep his dumb mouth shut! Honestly, he says the stupidest things!"

Diamond sighed. "I wonder why you put up with him sometimes."

A light prance peppered her step as Sweetie blithely replied, "Because he's just the best!"

Laughing, the four girls entered the retirement home. The foyer was warmly if dimly lit, showcasing tacky worn carpeting and faded wallpaper framing generic still lifes. Diamond shuddered a little, as she always did when she set hoof in this place, but then the receptionist greeted them and her thoughts were taken over with her tasks for the day.

At the home, they folded laundry, chatted with the elderly, sometimes did cooking if they came around dinner time. Try as they might, none of them could convince Sweetie to sing, but then nopony ever could, not that it had stopped their attempts. Today wasn't a day for teasing her, however, considering the mood she was in. Diamond took her turn on laundry duty and listened to Apple Bloom discussing the week's news with the residents back in the communal area.

"I remember you."

The oily voice caused her to jump and drop the sheet she'd been folding. Whipping around, she saw a wizened male pony, his sallow coat greasy and unkempt, leering at her.

"Well, you should remember me, I was here last week!" she said, trying to catch her breath. "You know, you really shouldn't be sneaking up on young fillies, sir. You scared me half to death!"

Thin lips parted, revealing chipped yellow teeth. "Half to death..." The old pony began chuckling, fetid breath washing out over her.

The sound of that laughter made her blood freeze more than any sudden scare possibly could. Pins pricked at her skin as some buried memory sparked in the back of her mind. Heedless of decorum, forgetting the sheets, she turned and galloped past the others, down the hallway to the reception desk.

"Are you all right, dear? Ya look like you seen a ghost!"

Panting, Diamond gasped, "The old stallion with the yellow coat and stringy green mane: how long has he been here?"

The receptionist frowned. "That doesn't sound familiar... Are you sure you don't mean Mister Withers?"

"I know Old Mister Withers, and that was not Old Mister Withers!"

The receptionist shrugged. "I'm sorry, honey, I don't think we have a resident who fits that description. Maybe he wandered in off the street. I'll call for an orderly."

"DT, you okay?" Apple Bloom and the others caught up to her, worry etched over their features.

Diamond shook her head, unable to give voice to the fear that still coursed through her veins. She didn't have to, however, as a deep, roiling laughter echoed through the hallway.

"So many pretty young ponies... All for me to take..."

"No!" cried Sweetie, whirling, her face frozen in terror. "I-it can't be!"

The sallow pony appeared in the hallway then, lips still pulled back in a grimace. "I come to take back what's mine."

With speed belying his apparent age, the old pony barrelled headlong into Sweetie Belle, knocking her off her hooves before anypony else could react. The receptionist, cowering behind her desk, screeched at the intercom for orderlies. As Sweetie's attacker rolled to his hooves, the unicorn remained stuck to his back, all four legs kicking in the air.

His form began to bubble and slide, more than doubling in size as the pony transformed into a gaunt and bloated horse. He tossed his soggy mane and laughed in a voice like gargling water.

"Catch Krastos if ye can!" He took off out the door, even faster than before, Sweetie Belle screaming atop him.

"We gotta do thomething!" Twist, panicking, began to shake Apple Bloom.

"Aaah, stoppit! I'll go get my sister! DT, you 'n Twist, uh..."

"Apple Bloom, we need the Elements of Harmony! They defeated Krastos last time!" Diamond Tiara's eyes widened in horror as she realized the futility of that statement.

"But Twilight Thparkle'th in Canterlot!"

"And Rarity's sister's in Manehattan! An' Rainbow Dash is in Cloudsdale!"

For a moment, the three shared a look of despairing realization. Diamond Tiara swallowed.

"Apple Bloom, get your sister; Twist, get Pinkie Pie. We'll have to hope they're enough. I'll... go after Sweetie, I guess."

The other two nodded, the tasks giving them focus.

"If I see Scootaloo, I'll tell her to follow ya!" Apple Bloom called. "But where d'you think he's takin' her?"

"To the same place as last time: the Highland Reservoir!"

Diamond had no idea what she was doing, but she charged headlong towards the reservoir, hoping beyond hope that she could do something to either save Sweetie or keep Krastos occupied until an adult, somepony who could actually do something, showed up. She was heartened by the sudden appearance of Scootaloo, who dipped down to fly beside her.

"Tiara, what's going on?"

"It's Krastos the Gluemaker, he's back and he's got Sweetie Belle!"

The pegasus's eyes went wide. "What? Where?"

"The Reservoir! Go, I'll meet you there!"

Scootaloo put on a burst of speed, and Diamond had to pause for a moment to cough the dust out of her face. At least Scootaloo would be able to buy some time, if not rescue Sweetie outright; Diamond wasn't accustomed to running long distances, feeling winded already.

An idea came to her then, as she wondered just what good her presence could do. She began to shout at the top of her lungs, slowing just a bit.

"Everypony, it's Krastos! Krastos is back! To Highland Reservoir!"

Through the town she shouting, alerting everypony in earshot. After a few minutes had passed, half the town was ready for action and organizing a resistance and rescue effort, and she was within sight of the Reservoir. The scene that greeted her made her heart sink.

Krastos had assumed his bipedal shape and was tussling with Scootaloo, who was flying around him at high speed, trying to keep him occupied. Sweetie was nowhere in sight. As Diamond came to within shouting distance, Scootaloo moved in close to Krastos and swung, scoring a hit.

"No! Scootaloo, stop!"

It was too late. Krastos staggered backward at the blow, but where her hoof had made contact with his skin, it stuck fast, and his cry of pain quickly turned into deep laughter.

"Haa haa haa, more ponies for Krastos! Come to his domain, you will find sleep forever!"

"Leave her alone!" Diamond's first instinct was to charge headlong at him, but she stopped. If she did that, she'd likely only wind up stuck to him as well. Mind whirling in panic, she did the only thing she could think to do. "Krastos, wait, please!"

"Krastos does not wait." The equine head turned toward her. "Ahh, it is you. I remember you. You will have your turn soon enough, little pony, and be mine again." He chuckled low in his throat, long fingers hypnotizing Scootaloo as he made for the water.

"Krastos, stop! Let her go and... And you can have me!"

The figure paused. "What?"

"I give you myself in exchange for her!" She stood her ground, staring defiantly into his murky green eyes. "A pony for a pony!"

Those eyes narrowed. "You would give yourself? No pony ever gives to Krastos..."

She glowered at him. "Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there?'

There was a sucking sound and Scootaloo dislodged from Krastos' side, gasping for breath as she lay immobile on the ground. The creature stalked toward Diamond, sticky ropes extending from his fingers.

"What do you think of Krastos' return, hmm? Didn't need centuries this time; Krastos is getting better at this. He will take you instead, for now."

Diamond closed her eyes; all she could do was hope she'd bought enough time.

"Hi-ya!"

An orange blur dashed into her field of vision and knocked Krastos for a loop.

"Applejack, no, stop, you'll..."

Applejack jumped back, grinning. Four yellow galoshes stuck to Krastos' side as he thrashed and bellowed on the ground.

"Don't worry, DT, Ah came prepared!"

"Tho did we!"

Twist and Pinkie Pie galloped into the area, carrying a sack of flour between them. As they approached Krastos, they began to separate, until the sack, stretched taut, impacted with Krastos and exploded all over him, coating him entirely in powder. He went back down with a cry of pain, thrashing about on the ground.

"Yaaaaargh!"

Applejack grinning. "Darn good thinkin', Pinkie! Now we can kick his keester without worryin' about that sticky gunk he's covered in!"

"You said it, AJ!" The pink pony reared up on her hind legs, bearing her teeth. "Now let's show him what a pony can do!"

"Wait!" Diamond interposed herself between AJ, Pinkie and Krastos. Not knowing what she was doing, she looked over at the being, still writhing on the ground and screeching in agony.

"Diamond, this is serious business, get outta the way!"

She shook her head. "He said something to me... We may not have to fight him." She dashed off toward Krastos, stopping slightly out of his reach. Some of the flour was already beginning to rub off his back where he'd been rolling in the grass.

"Mister Krastos..." She swallowed. "You said nopony ever gives you anything."

Krastos stopped thrashing suddenly and turned his eyes away from her. "No... Never..."

"When you came six years ago, all you did was take ponies and put them underwater. Like you were collecting them. But really, I think... you were lonely." Her eyes searched left and right. "I know what being lonely is like; it's no fun. It eats you up inside and you lash out at others because you think that will fill the hole, even though it never does. But I know one thing that will."

She ducked her head, and with a hoof, kicked off her tiara, letting it settle on the grass.

"Friendship."

Wild eyes rolled at her, uncomprehending. "What?"

"Please, take this, as a sign of my friendship. It's very important to me – it represents who I am – but I want you to have it."

Krastos blinked a number of times, then slowly, very slowly, reached out a hand.

"Diamond, look out!"

Diamond held up her hoof, face set in determination. She watched carefully as the hand snaked through the grass, coming to rest on the simple silver tiara. Krastos scooped it up almost reverently and brought it to his face, then looked at her.

"You want to give this to Krastos?"

"I do. Please have it."

The water that ran continually out of Krastos' mane began to intermingle with water from his eyes as a grin split his mouth wide. He sniffled and scrubbed at his face with his free hand, leaving streaks in the white.

"Krastos has much to think about," he said softly, and all at once became a cloud of mist. The flour fell to earth in globs, but the tiara stayed afloat within the mist, which sped off eastward and was gone in the blink of an eye.

There was a bubbling noise behind them and they all turned in time to see Sweetie Belle being ejected from the reservoir near Scootaloo, coughing and sputtering. Apple Bloom and Twist ran over and hugged both of them, helping them to their hooves, as Applejack and Pinkie Pie moved over to Diamond.

"Wow, Diamond Tiara," cried Pinkie, "how'd you know that would stop him?"

"I... I didn't! Oh my Celestia, what if that hadn't worked? I could have been captured again, you all would have!" A huge sob wracked her body and she collapsed to the ground, tears running down her cheeks.

"Hey now, don't cry," Applejack said, placing a hoof around her withers. "You just did a real brave thing, not to mention generous and kind to boot."

Diamond sniffed and rubbed her nose on the grass. "I-I did?"

Applejack nodded. "You took what was in your heart and made it real, for the rest of the world to see. Even after you made friends with my sister, Ah wouldn'ta pegged ya for the type, but... Well, Ah'm plum sorry Ah underestimated ya, Diamond."

Diamond smiled. "It's okay. I underestimated myself too. I just hope I never have to do something like that again!"

Applejack chuckled and helped her to her hooves. "I dunno, you might be capable o' more than ya think. I seem to recall a little filly who really wanted t' have a big ol' crown thingy of her own..."

Diamond wrinkled her nose. "Don't remind me. As long as we have you, Pinkie and the others to be the Elements of Harmony, I'm way fine never having to go through that ever again!"

"Besides," Pinkie Pie chimed in, "I don't think you'd really work as the Element of Magic anyway! After what you did with Krastos, you're obviously the Element of Generosity!"

Applejack laughed. "Don't that beat all? We'll hafta tell Rarity her spot's up for grabs!"

Diamond tried to laugh off the suggestion, but couldn't help noticing Sweetie Belle glaring at her as Twist helped her back toward them. Luckily, nopony said anything as the townsfolk arrived on the scene. With nothing left to do, they simply carried the seven ponies, victim and hero alike, on their shoulders back to Ponyville.

Ordem E Progresso

“Let’s see here,” said an armor-clad unicorn from behind his mahogany desk, sighing as the door to his office gained a silvery glow and creaked open. A heavy manila folder very much at full capacity floated inches away from the lieutenant’s face as he squinted at the name scrawled across the top. “Summer Siro— oh, uh... S...”

Standing cross-legged at the door, trepidation swirling through her soft eyes of mint green, was a beige earth pony mare in a frayed cadet’s vest. Her hoof shot up to run through her closely cropped—yet amazingly still disheveled—dark red mane.

“Sirocco, yes,” she interjected. “Summer Sirocco. That’s me.”

Summer started through the doorway. “I got a letter saying to come to this office tonight?”

“Yes, that’s right. Please come in,” he said, before looking up to see that the mare had already entered. “Right. Well, take a seat, Cadet.”

A few lines began to form across the stallion’s forehead, but after indulging in a deep breath his expression promptly returned to its administrative, dispassionate state. “My apologies for asking you to come in at such a late hour,” he said, as his gaze shifted towards the last remnants of sunset shining through his window.

“I’m Lieutenant Buckler.” Gesturing to his left, he added: “And this is Night Captain Quarrel.”

Whipping her head around to greet the unexpected guest standing in the far corner of the room, she flashed the reptilian pony a bright smile and took her seat across from the lieutenant’s desk. Quarrel, for his part, simply nodded.

“Hey, why’s there a Night Guard here?”

Buckler bit the inside of his mouth. “That will be made clear in a few minutes, Cadet. For the moment, he is only here to observe.”

The lieutenant’s horn flared and the folder parted, its contents spreading across the table into a patchwork of statistics, exposition and opinion that detailied the tumult of Summer Sirocco’s five months at the Royal Guard Academy. After a quick once-over of the documentation, he turned his attention to the mare seated in front of him.

“Cadet, I do hope you realize that even applying to become a Royal Guardspony is above and beyond the call of duty for most. To have spent any time at all training in the academy is a sacrifice worthy of respect in its own right. Not everypony has the courage to take on the responsibility of defending Equestria with their life, and your commitment to doing so is truly honorable.”

Something angry had latched itself onto Summer’s heart, and was pumping it far faster than it had any right to be pumped. “Oh.” Again she ran a hoof through her mane. “This isn’t...”

The lieutenant waited for a few seconds before clearing his throat. “I am sorry to have to inform you of this, but the decision has been made by the higher-ups to ask you to resign your place at the academy. This was based solely on the current needs of the organization and should not be taken as a personal failure. Instead, you should take this opportunity to find a vocation more suited to your capabilities and prefere—”

“This is that Skyblaze’s doing, isn’t it?”

The lieutenant pulled his head back and blinked hard. “I— I’m sorry?”

“She’s had it in for me since day one. She gives me two extra miles for the morning canter, all because I was two minutes late for drills one time in my first week. And now she’s getting me kicked out. Does it say in there who started it?” Summer craned her neck towards the desk.

The reports shone silver and slid in unison away from Summer’s edge of the desk. “I’m not allowed to discuss the decision-making process of superior officers. You know that.”

“Oh, come on. I already figured out who it is, didn’t I? You can tell me if I’m right at least, can’t you?” With each sentence her eyes grew wider, her neck craned further, her voice grew higher and louder. “That’s what’s happening here, isn’t it? You’ve got the papers there, so you can see why they’re doing it, can’t you? Skyblaze, right? They’re kicking me out for all these little mistakes and they’re ignoring the big picture! Right?”

Lieutenant Buckler raised his eyes to match her stare. “Are you asking me to tell you what your file says, or are you asking me to tell you what I think?”

“Both! Either!”

The two ponies abruptly switched, as if they had been sitting on a see saw that had just tipped. Summer shrunk down into her stool as the lieutenant stood up and leaned forward, slamming his hooves onto the desk and sending much of the carefully ordered paperwork tapestry to the floor.

“Here’s what I think, Summer.” The lieutenant spoke slowly and quietly, but his words were anything but tranquil. “I think that in this one minute that you’ve been here in my office, the only misconduct you’ve managed to draw attention to is that which must have taken place when you somehow weaseled your way into the Royal Guard Academy in the first place. I don’t know who you are, Summer Si-roh-coh—”

“Sirocco.”

“—Sirocco, but as soon as I saw you standing in that doorway, I knew that this decision was the right one. Come on: look at that cadet’s uniform you’re wearing. What do you do, chew on that thing? When was the last time you had it mended? Have you ever?”

He lowered his head towards the desk until he was at eye-level with his target. “Summer, not once in this whole meeting have you called me ‘Lieutenant’ or ‘sir’. That’s something that a cadet has to do. It isn’t optional.” He flung one hoof towards the door. “And you stepped right into my office before I said you could come in. You can’t just run into a superior’s office like that. These are the most basic—”

Papers that had fallen to the floor joined those still on the desk and floated up to the lieutenant’s hardened eyes. “Late for drills. Late for drills. Failed to salute a superior officer. Failed to complete an assignment. Late for class. Late for dri— are you beginning to notice a pattern here? Because I certainly am.” The papers quickly re-stacked themselves in the manila folder.

“You have no personal discipline. You can’t follow rules, Summer. I don’t know what possessed you to think you could be a Royal Guard, but I sincerely hope that this ‘Skyblaze’ you keep talking about has managed to drill that silly dream right out of you because it’s never going to happen!”

Summer felt like a vice had tightened around her neck, and her eyes began to burn. But she would not cry. The confirmation of her fears, the dissipation of her dreams: she choked them all down, into a hot and humid place somewhere deep within her.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant.”

Buckler brought his hooves back down to the hardwood floor. “Yes, well, you don’t need to call me by rank any more, Summer.” The lieutenant drew over a few sheets of paper from across the room. “Night Captain Quarrel has requested to speak with you in private. Close that door behind you when he’s done.”

Trotting around his desk, the lieutenant stopped just before passing by the blank-faced mare. “Thank you for your service,” he spat.

After the third minute of abject silence, Summer began to fidget and squirm.

“Do you know what just happened?” the Night Guard asked her from his corner.

Summer winced a little. “Could you repeat that, Night Captain?”

“It’s just ‘Captain’. Adding ‘night’ is a Royal Guard thing. Anyway, I asked you if you know why you just got kicked out of the academy.”

“Um, I think that Skybla—”

“You’re trying to be somepony you’re not.”

Summer set her jaw. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Why did you become a cadet?”

Summer replied automatically. “I wanted to help defend Equestria.”

Quarrel scoffed. “Oh, come on. You know that’s no answer. You could have joined a police force, or a neighborhood watch, or been a security guard, too. You’ve already been kicked out, so there’s no reason for you not to tell me, is there? Why the Royal Guard, Summer?”

She brought a hoof to the back of her neck and scratched at her short mane. “I guess I thought it would teach me to be disciplined.”

The Night Guard shook his head. Summer had yet to see him blink. “Militaries are organizations of order, Summer. They’re designed to be predictable, uniform, and efficient: they set rules, and you follow them. You do not ask questions. But you can’t make yourself fit that mold. You either do or you don’t. And you: don’t.”

She watched as the slits in the captain’s eyes flitted downwards for a split second. “Just look at that cutie mark. A palm tree, blowing in the breeze. That’s you, Summer. You’re a free spirit. You were born to do what makes you and your friends happy—not to fight, not to train, not to study. Not to follow rules that you don’t agree with. You were born to live a carefree life.” Summer looked down at her cutie mark and scowled. The Night Guard observed.

“That said, we keep an eye on the Royal Guard cadets, and we think there’s something else there. You aren’t quite comfortable in your own skin, are you? It’s a certain restlessness you have. And we like it. So, we have a proposition for you.”

With an entirely unexpected speed, Quarrel slipped out from his corner and stopped directly in front of Summer, who nearly toppled over on her stool. She clutched at her chest, taking quick, shallow breaths.

“Heh. Sorry about that.”

“U— uh... no problem, Captain,” she croaked. From this close, she could see first-hoof all the little idiosyncrasies of a Night Guardspony: the tiny incisors that poked out from the sides of his muzzle, the featherless bat-wings folded against his side, and of course those blaring headlights and their black, slitted pupils.

She took a deep breath. “So. What is it you wanted to say to me?”

Quarrel wiped at his grinning mouth with his foreleg. “We would like to invite you to join us, Summer Sirocco. We want you to become a Night Guard.”

Summer waited in silence.

“Not many ponies understand that we aren’t born like...this,” he said as he stretched his wings behind him. “We choose this.”

More silence. “Why would—”

“Allow me to explain: If you choose to accept our offer, you will be changed. You’ll get wings like these, and you’ll be able to see in the dark. You’ll even get a little bit of offensive magic: frost spells, fire, that sort of thing.

“But there are deeper transformations than just the superficial, Summer. The spell that changes you will give your personality a little... tweak. It pulls out your deepest frustrations and focuses them, so that you can overcome them. You, for example, would probably develop discipline and a healthy respect for the rules.” He brought his hoof in front of his face and examined it carefully. “It isn’t too much of a stretch to say that you’d become something of a different pony.”

“A... different pony?”

“That’s right, Summer. Which means there’s only question you need to ask yourself.” The captain moved in further still, and bore into her with his shining golden eyes. She had to squint against the light of his gaze.

“Would you rather be a different pony?” he asked.

Summer felt a deep chill run down her spine. She stared back at the Night Guard before her, her teeth clenched tightly behind her firmly pressed-together lips. It took every ounce of her strength to keep her legs from shaking.

“Good. I’m glad you haven’t answered yet. That means you’d think about it, which is something most ponies wouldn’t do. You have a week to make your choice, Summer Sirocco. Make it count.”

Summer wasn’t born in Equestria. Back when she was among the littlest of fillies, her father had decided to relocate the family—that is, her and her mother—from the tropical country of her birth to Canterlot. Summer’s grasp of her foalhood memories was weak, but she remembered bits and pieces. Mommy and Daddy were always so tired at the end the day. Sometimes they’d even go to sleep before she did. And in those early years of life when most foals learn how to work together and set goals for themselves, Summer had been learning a new language.

One night in the second month of the family’s new Canterlot life, Mr. Sirocco stopped coming home. Oh, Mrs. Sirocco had tried her best: he’s working late, sweetie; they’ve asked him to work the weekend, dearie; he’s away on business. But even mothers have their limits, and at some point Mrs. Sirocco stopped trying and started believing.

Within a week of finishing her very last day of school and with the freedom of marehood in her sights, Summer mustered the courage to confront her.

“He’s not coming back!” she’d shouted at her mother, who had been wondering aloud what Doso would like for dinner when he got home in the evening. “He’s never going to come back, Mom! Maybe he’s dead. Maybe…maybe he doesn’t love us anymore. But— but he isn’t coming back!”

“Get out,” had been her mother’s listless, repeated reply. “Get out. How dare you speak of your father like that. Get out.”

Summer hadn’t seen her since.

“Oh, no! That’s terrible, Summer!”

The newly minted civilian sat curled around an olive-colored cushion on her dorm room floor, and allowed her friend and roommate to console her. Zephyr was one of those ponies who was born to be a Royal Guard: a tall, beautiful pegasus mare raised in privilege, with azure eyes and a pin-straight, navy blue mane that she would have kept short even without the academy’s rules on mane length.

“It’s OK, Zeph. I’ll be all right. Please don’t worry about me too much.”

“You know I’m always here for you, don’t you? You can talk to me about anything.”

Summer looked up at her. “Yeah, Zeph. I know. There is actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Zephyr knelt down beside her friend. “What is it, Summer?” she asked, nuzzling the side of her face.

“They asked me to join the Night Guard.”

At once, her ears flicked upright and she drew her neck up straight. “How... how does tha—”

“They use some kind of magic to transform you.” Summer told her everything she knew about the process: how it would change her appearance, how it would alter her personality, how she feared it would detach her from her friendships.

“That’s completely ridiculous! Why the hay would they think you’d want any part of something like that?”

Summer’s silence was the only answer she needed.

“Oh, Summer, you aren’t thinking of actually doing it, are you?” she asked, her voice careening upwards and into an uncommonly high register. “Everypony loves you, Summer!”

“Everypony thinks I’m fun, Zeph. Nopony thinks I’m going to do anything with my life.” Summer closed her eyes. “Maybe they’re right.”

“No, no, Summer; that’s not what I mean at all. You’re so easygoing and caring, you know? You’re like a breath of fresh air. You could do so much good for Equestria if you embraced that about yourself. It’s your cutie mark, after all. Shade in the desert. That’s you, Summer.”

Summer turned away from her friend’s wide-eyed and smiling face. “You know I hate my cutie mark, Zeph. Why would you even bring that up?”

“Well, I think it’s wonderful. You should find a job out there that makes full use of it.”

“That’s easy for you to say: you’ve got a pike for a cutie mark! What am I going to do with a palm tree, sing standards at the Caballo Cabana for the rest of my life?”

“Well, you do have a lovely singing voice.”

“Zephyr!”

“Oh, it was a just a joke!” she replied through a smile. Summer’s head was in her hooves. She was definitely not laughing.

“I’m sorry, Summer. I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

Summer sighed. “Do you know how I got this thing, Zeph?”

The puzzled pegasus put a hoof to her chin. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me, Summer.”

“I cut school and went to the beach with some friends.” Zephyr waited patiently for her friend to finish.

“...And that’s it,” Summer announced. “It just showed up when we got to the beach.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“I’m sorry, Summer.”

“It’s alright. It’s just... I don’t want to be here just to whittle away a few decades and die, you know? I want to do something.”

Zephyr cast her eyes to the floor and bit her lip. “Who doesn’t, Summer? That’s life.”

It was an especially busy afternoon at Carrot Crunch when Summer saw the book cover. She’d been working there for six weeks—a personal best. As she was taking a customer’s order, she had noticed that he had been reading some sort of self-help book: Don’t Be Yourself: You’re Better Than That!

But it wasn’t the title that had grabbed her attention. It was the subject of the photo on the cover: a smiling, tan earth pony stallion with a slicked-back, graying mane. Mint green eyes shone through his stylish glasses.

“Excuse me,” she’d asked the customer, “can I see that book for a second?”

According to the author’s bio, ‘Desert Wind’ had been a successful bit-trader for Neighman Brothers before leaving the firm to found a small self-help and motivational speaking empire. This was his first published work. He lived in Manehattan with his wife. Candy.

When Summer’s boss had refused to give her a week off from work, she quit. Then she went home, and began to pack for a trip.

Summer knocked on the door to a tiny house on the outskirts of Canterlot, a light rain dampening her coat and mane. Almost as soon as she knocked, she saw the handle glow a deep crimson.

“Coming!”

The door swung open, and the unicorn inside reared back and threw his front legs open wide. “Summer!”

She smiled and stepped into the little house, and into the unicorn’s embrace.

“My goodness, what time is it? Don’t you have drills in the morning?” he asked.

“I missed you, dear.”

“You’re a little wet, hun,” he said, taking a step back and rubbing his cheek. “Should I get you a towel?”

“Nope. But you might want one for yourself.”

Summer shot her coltfriend an impish look, and then shook her short, wet mane as hard as she could.

“Ah!” The unicorn winced away and brought a hoof over the mischievous mare’s back, falling to the floor and bringing her with him. The couple looked at each other, soaked and sprawled out on the peach-colored carpet, and burst into peals of laughter.

Wiping tears from the corners of his eyes, the colt got back up, put a hoof around his mare’s back, and helped her back up before giving her a playful nip on the muzzle. “I missed you too, Summer.”

There are a few couples in Equestria that are simply picture-perfect. Ponies see them from afar—maybe eating dinner together at a nice restaurant, or out for a trot together just before sundown—and find themselves stricken by how right they seem to be together.

Summer Sirocco and Placket were not one of those couples. In a high school setting, their relationship would have been unthinkable. Summer was a cute, approachable mare, whereas Placket had drawn the unfortunate end of the genetic stick, bearing the purple mane of his mother and the burgundy coat of his father. He’d never had much trouble sleeping, and yet he carried bags under his eyes thick enough to show through his dark coloration. And despite his best efforts, he remained just as lanky a stallion as he had been a colt. But while it was true that Summer had never found herself with much physical attraction to her coltfriend of three years, they worked as a couple anyway.

It took a mare like Summer to bring out the best in Placket. Without a playful special somepony in his life, he’d have long since reverted to the tried-and-tested coping mechanisms of his youth: focusing on work, and quietly justifying his loneliness as a cost of living. They were both fully aware that he could never be happy without her. And she reveled in his need for her.

On her first trip to Manehattan, in the back row of a brightly-lit auditorium, young Summer Sirocco watched in silence as the stallion bounding back and forth across the stage played his audience like a well-tuned harp. They stamped their hooves and yelled and cheered, and chanted along each time he repeated one of his signature platitudes.

“Be the you that you want to be!” he said in unison with the crowd. “Never settle for what you have. You want to be doing something else with your life? Then what do you do, fillies and gentlecolts?”

“Go do it!” the audience roared.

“That’s right! Go do it!”

As the seminar drew to a close, the audience transformed itself into a mob, frantically waving books, photographs, posters, pens and cameras at the star of the show as he made his way down the stairs along the side of the stage. And the stallion accommodated: smiling for photos and signing everything that made its way in front of him—a difficult task for a mouth-writing earth pony, but he was not without practice.

One particular copy of his book caught his eye: such a slender set of beige hooves held it that he simply had to see the face of the mare they belonged to. Following them upwards, his eyes were indeed led to a beautiful young face.

“Can I have your autograph?” the face asked.

“Of course you can, honey,” he assured her, taking the book from her and balancing it on one hoof, eyes never straying from the mare. “Have you come to one of these before? I could swear I recognize you from somewhere.”

“No. This is my first time at a self-help seminar.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, now isn’t there?” he said, charisma dripping from his whitened teeth like venom. He turned his eyes to the book, and gestured to one of his bodyguards for a marker. “So, who should I make this out to?”

“To Summer,” she replied, She took a shallow breath and held it.

The star of the show raised his head and stared heavily into her eyes. His pupils tightened and he refused to blink. Smile still smeared across his face, he leaned over and whispered into her ear:

“How much do you want?”

Summer took two quick steps back and brought a hoof to her cheek. “Wh— wha—”

“Alright, sorry, everypony,” he said through spontaneous laughter, “but I’m late for another seminar!” The crowd responded with a collective groan of disappointment and disapproval.

“Come back next week: I’ll be sure to leave some extra time at the end for you ponies! And remember: if you’d rather be doing something else with your life...”

“Go do it!” the audience cried.

He whispered something to a bodyguard, and within ten seconds he’d been rammed past the crowd and through a doorway to the left of the stage.

Summer stayed put as the crowd dissipated around her, surrounded by photos, pamphlets and books bearing the happy face of the pony she could no longer deny was her father.

Never settle for what you have, was what he had said, and what he had done. He hadn’t settled for Summer’s mother. He hadn’t settled for Summer.

Never settle for what you have, huh? She let a burst of air shoot through her nostrils.

Sounds good, she thought as she kicked away the half-autographed book that lay at her hooves, sending it sliding along the filthy floor to the other side of the auditorium.

“Mmm, this is delicious,” she said, sipping the rich coffee she held between her hooves as she lay on a cushion in front of the couch. “Thank you, Plackie.”

Seated above her on the couch, he brought a hoof down to her forehead and brushed away an errant hair of her mane. “Anything for you, hun.”

The two sat in silence. An easy, comfortable silence.

“You never did tell me why you’re here, dear. It’s nearly midnight.”

“Hm? Oh, I just missed you, Plackie.” She could tell him about the academy on another night.

“I know how you feel. To go from living together to just weekends... it’s been pretty tough, hasn’t it?”

Summer turned her head and peered through the window at the nearly starless night. Large beads of rain slammed into the panes of glass: thwack, thwack. “Yeah,” she said. “It has.” Summer placed the mug at her side and crawled up to the couch.

“I still don’t think I’ll ever understand why you decided to join the Royal Guard. Couldn’t say I ever saw that coming. But I’m so proud of you, hun.”

“Thank you, Plackie. You know that means a lot to me.”

“You’re following your dreams, my love. There’s nothing more admirable than that.” He turned to face her, and delivered her a quick peck to the cheek before resting his head on her shoulder.

“And it’s only for a little while, after all. Two years isn’t so long. Then you’ll come back to me here and move back in again, and everything’ll be perfect.”

The corners of Summer Sirocco’s mouth turned upwards. But she was not smiling.

“Then—way, way in the future someday—maybe we’ll get married, Summer. Maybe we’ll get married and we can settle down and move out of the city: somewhere rustic and quiet, or how about somewhere beachy? We could raise a few foals, even. Have a nice, little family, in our nice, little beach house. Wouldn’t that be nice, dear?”

Summer did not respond.

“Honey?”

Maybe we’ll get married.

We can settle.

“Honey, I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” He took his head off of her shoulder. “I’m not— uh, I mean, I didn’t—”

“You didn’t what, Placket?”

“Summer, I didn’t mean anything by it,” he breathed, drawing his hoof up to her cheek. She swatted it away like it was some hideous insect and he recoiled instantly, his eyes welling up despite himself.

“If you didn’t mean anything by it, then why did you say it?”

“Honey!” he started, before pausing to take a breath. “Honey. We’ve been together for three years. I’m just thinking out loud.”

“Oh, are you? You are? Why haven’t I heard these thoughts before, then?” She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward with hunched shoulders. “Is this the first time you’ve thought about this perfect little happy family you’ve apparently got planned for us? Sounds to me like you’ve really thought it through, haven’t you?”

Placket waved his hooves in front of his face. “No! No, I— well, maybe?”

“Maybe. Maybe? That’s your answer?”

“Honey! Honey, please! I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry!”

She rose from the couch. “When did you start thinking we were going to get married and have foals together?” she asked him.

“Summer, please, I neve—”

“When?”

Her eyes dug into his, as a new silence snaked its way into the room.

“I honestly don’t remember, Summer. A while ago.”

The mare took two slow steps back, gaze faltering into unfocus. She thought of her dreams and of her realities. She couldn’t really blame him, could she? It was a natural thing for him to think. But now she understood his personal portrait of her: she was a future wife. A palm tree, rooted at home along the coastline. That was Summer.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out through trembling and tears. “This isn’t your fault. I’m sorry.” Summer kissed the silenced unicorn on his forehead.

“I have to go,” she informed him. Then she moved to the door, pulled it open, and stepped outside.

Amid the relentless whoosh of torrential rain crashing upon the Canterlot cobblestone, Summer could scarcely hear her name being called by the frantic unicorn galloping after her.

“Summer!” it called. “Summer, wait!”

But on this night, she did not stop for Placket. She would not have stopped for Zephyr, or Skyblaze, or her father, or Princess Celestia herself. On this night, she wasn’t running from her coltfriend. She was running for her life. And it was time for her to take it back.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

“What if I told you it does?”

Summer looked down at the ground. “I’d still do it.”

“You didn’t even ask how much.”

“I’d still do it,” she repeated.

The captain turned to the mare next to him. “It doesn’t hurt, Summer. Don’t worry.”

By the light of the moon, captain and civilian trotted through the tall, iron gateway that surrounded the estate of Canterlot Castle. With each hoof fallen upon the pristine brick walkway, the castle rose higher and higher above her.

“Which one is it?” she asked.

“That one,” he replied, taking to his wings briefly to gesture towards a two-tone minaret of gold with a black spiral running top-to-bottom, a shining silver globe resting upon its point.

Summer and Quarrel stepped through the castle’s titanic marble archway and into its emptied Great Hall, weakly lit by moonlight through darkened stained glass. The beating of their hooves against the stone resounded through the hall, overshadowing the beating she heard in her ears and felt in her chest. Summer clenched her teeth.

The two worked their way up the wide set of stairs before them and, upon reaching the main landing, the meandering staircase to their right. By the time they reached the intricately carved, oaken door at the top, adrenaline was the only thing keeping Summer upright.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Come in.”

He grabbed the iron ring pull at the side of the door, twisted it, and then forced the door open with his shoulder. The giant wooden structure slowly acquiesced.

Behind it was a room of blues and violets, and darkness thick enough to hide the room’s walls from Summer’s view. The faint light that shone through the opened door revealed the floor near the entrance to be made of gray stone. And in the midst of the darkness, illuminated by two tall torches of cobalt flame, stood the great Princess of the Night; her star-speckled, midnight mane caught the light from the flame and took on an indigo sheen as it billowed and flowed at her back.

Summer’s eyes grew wide and she froze in her place.

“This is where you bow,” said the captain, and Summer hastily complied.

“Princess Luna,” she said. “It’s an honor.”

Luna lowered her head and smiled slightly. “Please, come in.”

Summer crossed through the darkness and bowed again before her princess.

“Oh, there’s no need for that,” said Luna, placing her hoof on the mare’s shoulder. “It’s just the first time,” she added with a broadened smile.

“Princess, I— I don’t quite understand why I’m here.”

Luna shot a glance at the captain. “You didn’t explain it to her, Quarrel?”

The guard’s bright, wide eyes grew even wider, and he slapped his hoof against the back of his neck. “Uh, sorry, Your Majesty.”

Luna took a moment to shake her head and breathe a heavy sigh. Then, refocusing on Summer, her smile returned immediately.

“Summer Sirocco, right?”

A giddy grin played across Summer’s face. “You pronounced my last name right!”

“How else would anypony say it?” she asked with a wink.

Luna cleared her throat. “Anyway, you’re here because the Night Guard transformation spell isn’t an easy one. It’s really only my sister and I who can do it, and she has to try a few times before it works. You don’t want to see what happens when it doesn’t work. But it’s usually fixable. Usually fixable.”

The smile fled Summer’s face faster than she had fled from Placket.

Luna’s eyes widened and she again placed her hoof on Summer’s shoulder. “No, no, no, Summer. I’m sorry. That was a little joke.” Turning again to her captain, the princess admonished him: “I told you she wouldn’t find it funny, Quarrel.”

The Night Guard, lips curled in and cheeks filled with air, dabbed at his watering eyes with the corners of his wings. “Sorry again, Your Majesty,” he forced through swallowed laughter.

“I apologize for him, Summer. This is how the Night Guard like to welcome the new entries.” She rolled her eyes.

“But,” Luna announced a bit louder than she needed to, taking a second to glare at the snickering soldier before returning to address Summer, “you aren’t a new entry just yet. There’s one more thing you need to do.”

“Anything, Princess.”

“Summer, the Night Guard transformation is not reversible.” she cautioned, the tone of her voiced distinctly lowered. “I need to know that you aren’t making a mistake.”

Princess Luna blinked deliberately, and stared into Summer’s eyes. “Answer me this: why do you want to be a different pony?”

Well, why had she entered the academy?

I thought it would teach me to be disciplined, she had told the captain just a few days ago. But this was different, wasn’t it?

Summer straightened herself and looked up at Luna. “My problem is not that I can’t follow rules, princess. My problem is that I follow the wrong ones.”

Her eyes fell to the floor. “My father abandoned my family when I was small, and when he did he set a rule: ‘I must never delude myself into thinking that I am of any worth to anypony.’ When this cutie mark appeared it set another one: ‘I must never pretend as though I’m destined for anything other than mediocrity.’”

She shook her head. “And I almost allowed a relationship to set a third one: ‘Someday, I must stop chasing my dreams.’” She scraped at the floor with one of her front hooves, and raised her eyes to meet the midnight mare’s.

“Princess, I want to follow a set of rules that I choose for myself. And if that means becoming a Night Guard, then so be it. Let it serve as my first unbreakable commitment: to Equestria, and to myself.”

Luna and Quarrel exchanged a quick glance before the princess stretched her wings and closed her eyes. “Well said.”

“Thank you,” she replied.

“Are you ready?”

She took a long, slow breath. “I am.”

Luna brought her head low to the ground and pointed her horn directly at Summer. And as a flare of violet light began to slowly build across the length of it, Summer Sirocco found herself softly whispering the only rule she would choose to keep:

Never settle. Never settle.

Fable

It’s getting dark out.

Twilight sighed. Her warm breath steamed up the glass window overlooking the street below, obscuring her view of the sheet of white snow that had draped itself over everything. Outside, a sharply-cold torrent of snow was blustering down, little eddies being whirled in blasts of icy air. A single street lamp stood next to the cottage across the road, resolutely casting a faint, incandescent glow over the dark street. Twilight thought about giving the brave street lamp a scarf.

She giggled to herself and blinked away her daydream, turning around to close the curtains.

“Twilight! Hurry up!” a bouncy voice leapt from downstairs. “This is getting boooring!”

“Coming!” Twilight called back.

She trotted out of her room, levitating the huge bag of marshmallows she had come to get with her. She appeared at the top of the stairs and looked down at her guest, eager to see her reaction at the feast of soft, pink and white sweets.

Instead of being greeted by Pinkie Pie, all that Twilight could see downstairs was an impressive fortress crafted from every pillow, cushion, duvet and towel in the library. Small sentry towers and barracks made of reference books surrounded it, complete with a garrison of Spike’s bravest and most loyal toy-soldierponies guarding their benevolent, bubblegum-pink princess.

Twilight snickered and trotted down the stairs. “Wow, Pinkie, good job!”

Pinkie stuck her head out from inside the fortress. “Thanks, Twilight! Wanna be my Royal Egghead?”

Twilight frowned playfully. “Sure!” She bundled into the fort, floating the bag of marshmallows in with her.

“Ooh, diplomatic gifts!” Pinkie snatched the bag from the air, ripped it open with a combination of hooves and teeth, and proceeded to stick her head inside the bag.

“Careful there, Princess Pink.”

Pinkie Pie removed her head from the bag with a mouthful of marshmallows, grinning. “Hmphy! Wamma—” She gulped down the last few before continuing, “Wanna tell scary stories?”

Twilight thought for a moment. “Okay, but just a second...” She shuffled out from the fort and concentrated her magic. A few moments later, the library was plunged into warm darkness. She floated a camping lamp into the fort and humphed in approval, taking one last glance around at the numerous Royal Guard and their watchtowers and barracks.

‘Don’t worry, Your Eggheadedness! We’ll keep the castle protected until dawn!’ the Captain of the Royal Garrison said, ‘Our sentries will watch day and night! Please rest easy!’

Twilight giggled and patted the brave captain on the head, before rolling back inside the palace again.

“Royal Egghead! We grow bored of royal duties, We ask that you tell us a story!” Pinkie commanded.

Twilight laughed. “What kind of story, Princess?”

“Tell us an awesome story, with heroes and villains doing epic battle and wars between Equestria and the barbaric Griffon Kingdoms and dragons burning things and magic and humans, and all with a romantic finale at the end!”

“Just like that?”

“Well, yeah! You are Royal Egghead!”

Twilight frowned. “I demand my title be changed, if I am to tell this epic tale!”

“Fine,” Pinkie said grudgingly, “you can be, uh, Royal Advisor.”

Twilight nodded her head in satisfaction. She then lapsed into deep thought and nibbled on the tip of her hoof, thinking of her conflicts, characters and their relationships, scenery, history...

At that very moment, the Captain of the Palace Guard burst in through the throne-room doors, huffing and puffing. “Your Highness! Please pardon me, Your Highness, but I have an urgent message from a courier!”

The Princess stretched on her throne. “Yes, tell me.”

The Captain nodded breathlessly and levitated a scroll from a pouch on his shiny armour. “Ahem,” he began, “Discontent in the south has given rise to a fierce rebellion, and Royal Forces deployed in the area have had to withdraw to the closest garrison. The regional commandant would like to ask your orders, Your Highness.”

The Princess listened silently, her face revealing nothing. A few crushingly-silent minutes passed, with the Royal Advisor’s eyes darting from the Princess to the Captain and back, nervously.

“Y-Your orders, Your Highness?”

The Princess fixed a sharp gaze at the Captain. “Retaliate with full force,” she said softly, “and ensure that peace is restored to the region, at all costs.”

The Captain nodded profusely and stuttered, “How should we deal with the rebels?”

“Make an example of them.”

The Royal Advisor sighed as she watched the Captain nod stiffly and salute. “Jawohl!”

As the Captain left the room, the Princess softened again. She sighed quietly and slumped in her great golden throne, her weariness now painfully obvious to the advisor. The advisor frowned to see her old friend in this way, and trotted up quietly to the Princess.

“I just want them to be happy, is all,” the Princess murmured, “Why won’t they be happy?”

The advisor smiled. “Life must have happiness and unhappiness, my Princess. One cannot exist without the other, they are yin and yang.”

“Yes... I see. It seems like I still have a lot to learn.”

“As do we all, my Princess.”

The Princess frowned. “Advisor, tell me, am I not the most powerful being in the land?”

The advisor nodded. “That you are, my Princess.”

“Then why, with all my power, can I not stop unhappiness?”

“It’s just impossible, Princess.”

“Even if I make it illegal?”

“Especially if you make it illegal.”

The Princess paused, resting her chin on her hoof. “What if I used magic?”

“You might succeed,” the advisor said, “but I would advise strongly against it.”

“Why?”

“It would upset the natural order.”

“Maybe the natural order is wrong...”

The advisor looked sternly at the Princess now, shaking her head. “You will not do that. I won’t allow it. Magic should not be used in that way.”

The Princess turned back, leering with equal fervour. “I’m the most powerful being in the land, you said it yourself. I can do what I want.”

They stared at each other for a few moments, each waiting for the other to yield. Inevitably, the advisor did, with a grave sigh. She faced her old friend, the friend that she had to protect from herself, and said, “If you choose to do that, I will have no choice but to do everything in my power to stop you.”

The Princess, still driven by the anger of the moment, called for her guards.

“Arrest her!” she cried. “Imprison her in the dungeons, don’t let her see the light of day again!”

The Royal Advisor threw the guards to the ground, her horn ablaze, and faced the Princess. She pleaded for the Princess to see reason, but the Princess simply screamed.

“You will return to an Equestria devoid of unhappiness, advisor!”

“You will live in an Equestria devoid of me, Princess.”

And so the advisor was thrown into a dungeon, where she was kept captive for many years, while above the Princess illegalized unhappiness and made Equestria just so. There were no more wars, no more rebellions, no more crimes and no more questioning of her judgment.

They were the saddest years of the Princess’ life.

As time went on, the Princess and her advisor grew older and wiser, and they understood more and more about the world they lived in. Soon, the time had come to release the old advisor, and she trotted forth from the dungeon to see an Equestria like nothing she had ever imagined.

The advisor, an advocate of truth and nature, dismissed the Princess’ pleas for reconciliation. This Equestria was wrong, and the Princess had done the unforgivable.

“Hey Twilight,” Pinkie Pie whispered, staring up at the ceiling of the pillow-fortress, “D’you think...”

“No. I don’t really,” Twilight said back, turning out the camping lantern. “I just made it all up.”

An Attempt to Follow the Rules

On the corner of an abandoned street, a grey stallion with a goatee and dressed in a tuxedo waited. He fiddled with the briefcase hanging around his neck and glanced from side to the side. A single flicking lamppost hung above him as he checked his watch and tapped it with a hoof.

"Where is he?" he grumbled. He clutched the briefcase tighter as he glanced down the alleyway roads. A gust of wind flew by, ruffling his collar. "Why do I even put up with this?"

A series of hoofsteps echoed from behind him. He turned to see a lone figure whose face was covered by a mask. Pieces of red fur stuck out through his cloak while matching eyes could still be seen.

"It's about time you got here!" the grumpy stallion shouted while he tapped his hooves. "Well, here you go. Try to get it back to me as soon as possible."

The masked figure simply nodded.

"Perfect." The grey stallion stomped forward and thrust the briefcase into the figure's hooves. "Here's the stuff. Enjoy."

The masked figure grunted as he caught the package. After he pushed it open, a lone manuscript lay inside. Setting aside the briefcase, he shuffled through the freshly printed pages. With a sigh, he placed the papers back into the case and clicked the locking mechanism.

"Looks like everything is in order so I'll just leave you alone now." The balding stallion turned and started trotted down the opposite alleyway. I hope he doesn't notice. At least not until I get out of here. As he walked a few feet, he heard footsteps echoing from behind him. He stopped and faced the masked figure again. "Something wrong?"

Only a few feet away, the figure extended a hoof at him. "I've told you about this several times already. When are you going to learn?"

"I don't know what you mean. Looks perfect to me," the elderly stallion said, wiping his brow. Crap! How did he find it so fast?

The masked pony took a step forward. "Why do you do this to me?" He reached forward and grabbed the old stallion's goatee. "I swear you're doing it on purpose." The cloaked figure pulled him closer while glaring daggers at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the stallion said as his eyes darted back and forth, grinning as wide as he could.

The cloaked figure narrowed his eyes, and leaned forward. "Hmm..." Satisfied with his inspection, he released his grip on the grey stallion. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Sure." The grey stallion swivelled around on his hoof and trotted away once more. The sound of hoofsteps started resonating from behind him. Gradually, he increased his pace, becoming a canter, and finally into a gallop. The faster he went, the faster the frequency of the hoofsteps behind him. Sweat poured down the stallion's face as he broke into a sprint. "I'm sorry, I won't do it again. Just leave me alone!"

Cutting a corner, he did his best to gain as much distance as possible between him and the masked figure, trying to ignore the burning in his sides as he pushed himself, forcing through the pain. He wasn't as young as he used to be, his balding head was proof of that. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, providing him with a burst of youthful energy. His heart thumped in his chest and his heart pounded, but he couldn’t slow down. If he did, he would be done for. He was sure of it. Ducking underneath an arc, he gasped for breath. Even with the adrenaline, if he didn’t take a break soon, he was going to collapse.

Seeing an upcoming banister, he prepared himself as he passed by, and kicked against it as he ran past, using it as a springboard to boost his momentum. A bridge sat close by, if he could just reach it, he'd be home free. He took a risk and turned around to see how far he had gotten, but the masked figure was still nipping at his heels. If anything, it seemed like the figure was actually gaining ground on him. I can make it; I just have to reach the bridge! With a final burst of energy, he propelled himself forward.

He placed one hoof on the edge and waved the other one at the masked figure. "So long, sucker!" The grey stallion closed his eyes and leaped off the bridge towards the safety of water. As he fell downwards, the last thing he saw was the shadow descending upon him before everything went black.

He awoke in total darkness, his eyes covered by a blindfold. His head pounded and he felt woozy. From what he could tell, he was sitting on a chair. He tried to speak but his mouth had also been gagged. In vain, he tried to move his hooves but they had been tied down as well.

"Mmmphf? Mumpf! Mumpf!" Struggling to free himself, he squirmed around in a frenzy but it was no use. The restraints remained tight.

"Welcome to the world of the living, Vanner," said a voice. "Unfortunately, you won't be able to escape." The voice sounded familiar.

"Mmmpf?"

"You might be wondering what you're doing here. Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough."

Vanner strained his ears, only to hear the sound of a hoof tapping a solid surface. He leaned forward to try and identify the sound. Pain shot through his hind leg as a solid object smashed into it.

"Mmmaphhhhhhhhhhh!" he tried to scream.

The mysterious voice droned on, "I've been trying to teach you the rules for how many months now? I'm getting a little tired of your constant mistakes. For every mistake I tell you to fix, two more pop up in its place. This is unacceptable."

Vanner grunted as he tried to hold back the tears. His hind leg throbbed, unable to do anything except hang uselessly from the chair he was sitting on.

"You're not listening!" shouted the voice. "Pay attention!"

A whooshing sound whizzed near Vanner's ears. Suddenly, his other hind leg exploded with pain, as the solid object met it with a sickening crunch. He tried to think about why this was happening but the only thing that remained in his mind was the agony.

"How many times must I tell you? Stop putting alliteration in your writing. I swear you're doing that on purpose." The voice became louder and louder as it went on. "Your spelling is atrocious and you always tell when showing would work better. Learn better grammar! And your puns, good Celestia, put me down now!”

Vanner couldn't do anything but whimper, the pain from his legs shattering any concentration he had left. Distracted by the pain, his head hung limply to the side. He tried to move them, but they didn't respond. They throbbed and were starting to feel swollen.

"I see that we're not getting anywhere. I guess the only way to get you to follow the rules is to teach you a lesson." Vanner felt the blindfold being removed from his forehead. As it fell away, he finally saw who his captor was. It was a red pony wearing a horned mask, also known as Cassius, the reviewer of his stories.

Vanner looked around and noticed that he was in a completely white room. Even the doors and boarded-up windows were white. There were two doors and one window, and as far as he could tell, he was sitting in the center. Besides the chair, the room was completely empty.

"Ah, guess we won't need this either." Cassius reached forward and removed the ball gag as well.

"Why... why are you doing this?" Vanner managed to whisper.

"My oh my, this is worse than I thought. I already went over this." Cassius leaned forward, his mouth blowing in Vanner's face. "If the only way you're going to learn is pain, then so be it." Suddenly, he joked a hoof into Vanner's broken leg.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Oh yes, so delicious. I take pleasure in your pain." Cassius called for another pony waiting behind him. "Get a clean container for Vanner's eyes, Uma."

"Hehe. Sure, Cassius." The greyish blue earth pony turned and walked into the backroom.

"Now then. Let's see if you can remember this. The next time you give me a story that you want me to review, you're going to double-check and make sure that it's not horribly misspelled or has alliteration in it. Is that clear?"

Vanner stared into his eyes and nodded.

"Good." Cassius lifted a hoof into the air and held it directly in front of Vanner's eyes. "Now stay still..."

"What are you going to—"

In an instant, Cassius’s hoof shot forward and penetrated Vanner’s eye. With the graze of an elephant, he mercilessly ripped the eyeball from their still living socket. Blinding pain roared through Vanner. He struggled to stay conscious as every pain receptor screamed at him. Then with a tug, Cassius extracted his eye.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

The last thing Vanner felt was the scathing pain before he plunged into darkness.

Cassius cleaned his hoof with a rag and gently tossed it into a bowl of water.

"Is he going to be alright?" Uma asked, pointing at the trembling body of Vanner's.

"Eh, he'll live." Grabbing the container that Uma had brought, Cassius scooped up the eye and plopped it inside. "Maybe now he'll learn to stop giving me stories with alliteration in it." Humming a small tune, Cassius walked over to one of the two doors and opened it. Inside was a plethora of jars, all filled with various body parts and labeled accordingly.

"Let's see... that takes care of Vanner, so all I need to contact next is..." After he placed the newest addition to the collection, he moved his hoof along the labels, trying to remember who was left. "A piece of Corejo's lung, Flashgen's liver, a piece of MalevolentSpoon's brain, Dublio’s spleen, Kurbz's kidney, a piece of Gametes' stomach—"

The sound of the doorbell bellowed through the room. Cassius sighed and closed the closet door. "Always with the interruptions." Hitting a small button, he spoke into what appeared to be an intercom. "Be right there." Turning to Uma, he said, "Watch Vanner for now. Make sure he doesn't try anything."

Moving through the remaining door of the room, Cassius started climbing a flight of stairs.As he made his way through the house, he couldn't help but hum a small tune and ponder about all of the various writers he had helped. The majority had been ungrateful or too stupid to catch on. Most never even bothered to thank him. Since they lacked the ability to follow rules of ettiquette, Cassius had no choice but to put them down. The world was a better place without them anyway. For those, they weren't even worth keeping a piece of them around, so he used them for his experiments. But there had been a select few that managed to catch his eye. Very rarely, there had been a few writers that had pleased Cassius. For them, he kept a piece of them as a memento. He tried to keep them around but they tended to freak out and try to escape. However, Cassius knew better. Good writers were hard to find after all.

With a push of his hoof, Cassius opened his front door and grinned, his eyes full of malice. A tan pony stood in his doorway, dressed in a policeman's unicorn, and had his hoof extended out.

"Good evening, my name is Demetrius," he said.

"Charmed."

"Apologies for the interruption. It's just that there's been a string of missing ponies recently and we wanted to tell everypony to be careful and stay indoors whenever possible," Demetrius explained.

"That's reasonable."

"Anyway, that's—” Demetrius paused and looked past Cassius.

“Something wrong, Officer?”

Demetrius shook his head and rubbed it with his hoof. "No, I just thought I saw something, that's all." He turned to leave. "Well, you have a pleasant day n—"

A scream erupted from the inside of the room, startling both of the ponies.

"What was that?" Demetrius asked, pushing Cassius aside.

Curses, forgot to re-gag him. Cassius tapped his forehead with a hoof. "It was just my television. I forgot to turn it off."

"Oh... alright then." Demetrius turned to leave when something caught the corner of his eye. He leaned forward, and noticed a far-off table, which held something shiny and red. "Hey, wait a second."

"Wait, don't—"

It was too late. Demetrius trotted forward and stared closer on the table. On it was: a jar of containing what appeared to be pickles, a bloodied knife, and a small notepad. The blood from the knife dripped to the ground, which led to the backroom.

"Freeze!" Demetrius shouted, pulling a gun from his pocket.

Cassius was dumbfounded. Apparently he had forgotten to take care of the evidence. Stay calm. This isn't a problem.

Demetrius pointed his gun at Cassius. "What's that?"

"Why, it's strawberry jam. Would you like some?"

The police officer wasn't sure how to react. He squinted at Cassius for a few seconds before finally making a decision. Inching towards the table, he scraped off a piece of the red substance and tasted it. "Bleech! This isn't strawberry jam at all. This tastes... this tastes like blood!" He took a step forward. "What are you trying to pull?"

"I'm not trying to pull anything. Just stay calm and rational and I'll show you that this is all just a big misunderstanding."

Demetrius raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe you."

The door slammed from behind them, startling Demetrius as Uma came from within. "Cassius, we have a problem. We... oh hello there." Uma was covered in blood, with wounds running up and down his legs. It looked like he had been in a struggle.

Demetrius rounded on the newcomer. "Don't move!"

Using the distraction, Cassius grabbed the knife hidden in his hoof strap and flung it towards Demetrius. It plunged into his shoulder, causing him to drop the gun in pain. "Argh!" he screamed. Cassius dashed forward and kicked the gun away before delivering a karate chop to the back of Demetrius's head. He went down like a sack of potatos.

"Thank you for that timely interruption, Uma. Now what were you saying?" Cassius said as he closed the front door.

"Vanner... he managed to get free and attack me, so I fought back and now he's..." Uma slid a hoof across his throat and made a guttural noise.

"Ah, a pity." Cassius shrugged. "It happens." Walking over to the front door, he picked up Demetrius and started carrying him downstairs. "Help me with him. We can't afford to let him warn anypony."

"Sure thing, Cassius."

Beneath the house was a door to the dungeon. Cassius knocked on the door and said, “Hey Filler, dinner time.” He kicked the door open and dumped the bodies of Vanner and Demetrius inside. “Enjoy!” Just like that, he shut the door and left the two ponies with the creature that dwelled within.

Demetrius groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. “Ugh, why am I?” Wincing, he looked at his shoulder, which had started stabbing over. “Right.” He clamored onto his hooves and looked around. It was dark and he saw nothing except darkness and the body of a grey stallion that lay next to him.

“What the?!” he yelled, startled by the body. Upon a closer look, all four legs were bound up by rope, the forelegs hanging limp from their owner. Blood leaked from one of his eye sockets and there was a large gash in the middle of his head. A bit of brain stuck through his fur. At the sight, Demetrius couldn’t help but feel nauseous. Turning to the side, he couldn’t help but lose his lunch all over the floor.

He gasped for breath as he leaned against the nearby door. After several seconds of heaving, he tried the door and found it locked. He threw himself against it, but it didn’t budge. "How could you do this, y-you... monster!" He pounded his hoof against the door, but it was no use. “Ahhhh!” he screamed in frustration.

“Now, now. No need for such a fuss,” said a voice from the corner in the room.

“Who was that?” Demetrius whirled around, but couldn’t see anything in the dark room. Suddenly, a massive shadow moved from the corner. It was a hairy beast, wearing a monocle and a hawaiian shirt. Upon a closer look, he realized it was a bear. “You can talk?”

“Of course, my good chap. I’m not wild, you know?”

Demetrius’ jaw dropped at the sight before him. Not only was this a huge, hulking beast, he was actually civil enough to talk. “I don’t understand. How did you learn English?”

“Well, that’s not quite important right now, is it?”

“What do you mean?” Demetrius asked, tilting his head.

“You see, I’m quite famished and you seemed to be the only source of nourishment at the moment.”

“Wait, but I—”

Without another word, the bear lunged forward and swallowed Demetrius whole. Letting out a belch, he picked his teeth with a claw. “Oh my, that was quite delicious. The living taste ever so much more delicious.” He whirled towards the remaining body on the floor. “Vanner? What a shame, he was a good chap.” Walking forward, Filler bent over and grabbed the remaining body. With a flick of his paw, he threw Vanner’s body into the air and gobbled him as well. “Mhmm, delicious. Now where’s desert?”

Cassius clapped his hooves together as he looked through the jars of organs once more. Placing a hoof around a jar labelled “Snarkle’s heart,” he sighed. “Such a shame. Vanner shall be missed.”

Uma walked besides Cassius and placed a hoof on his shoulder. “Don’t worry Cassius, there’s always more reviewers in the sea.”

Cassius gently flicked the hoof off his shoulder. “That may be true but it’s hard finding good ponies these days that actually follow the rules. I swear if I see another writer pandering to the audience, I’m going to turn him into a sock.”

Flipping a switch in the back of the closet, it rotated to show a stuffed pony, forever frozen through the art of taxidermy. “ColdinGardez was the best writer I could ask for. It’s a shame about what happened.” He sighed and closed the closet door before turning around.

“There, there. I’m sure you’ll find somepony someday that will make you happy again.” Uma jumped in front of Cassius and smiled at him. “Speaking of which, I found somepony else that may interest you. Hehe.” Uma leaned forward. “His name is Pascoite...”

All the Good Things

My folks forbid me to go past 49th Street, so, of course, I went past 49th every chance I got. It was usually after school: the bus running right past the area, friends there that I could hang out with, parents who worked late, and of course, a relatively short walk back home made a combination that my adolescent mind couldn’t hope to resist. Maybe had I been older when I started, or more mature, or more worried about the ghettos the people around me spoke constantly of but I never saw myself, I might have been properly afraid to venture into that part of town where the non-humans lived—the Animals, some would say. I guess it was a lot easier to adjust to talking ponies and donkeys and griffons and whatever when they’d been around as long as you’d been alive as opposed to showing up from some other world or something when you were my age.

I, however, found myself friends with a small group of said non-humans. I don’t remember exactly how it happened—maybe I had just run into one or more of them at school and we hit it off, eventually branching out to meet the others. Maybe it was just due to luck, or maybe out of your typical adolescent spite that, thankfully, formed a friendship that became something more than superficial. Maybe most the humans I knew just didn’t wanna hang around with me, I dunno. It’s irrelevant. All that matters was that we all met each other and we stuck around.

It was the five of us: me, Peachy Keen, Compass, Gale, and Sketchpad. Occasionally we’d have an outsider or a friend of a friend come hang out with us, or even join us for a few weeks before heading off somewhere, but we were the core five: an earth pony, two unicorns, a griffon, and a human. I guess if we had a zebra or a donkey among us we would have looked like something out of those cheesy Saturday morning cartoons they play nowadays. I think I met Sketchpad first, because his was the house I would hop off the bus early to go over. The unicorn lived in a small townhouse but had the fortune to be an only child, so we could retreat to his room for all of our youthful shenanigans. While the other guys typically hung out by playing videogames or sports or something, Sketchpad wasn’t into any of that. No, our hang out sessions were marked with pie in the sky projects that never really took off.

Sketchpad’s bag was drawing, which you might have guessed from the name—I wonder if pony parents are clairvoyant or something when it comes to naming their children. He was always doodling in class when we he could sneak it in and he usually skipped lunch to work on some drawing by himself. He had a lot of really neat stuff, too—the first thing we’d do when we got to his place was that he’d show me his notebook filled with all his new drawings—landscapes of the city, people both real and fictional, and lots of superheroes and badasses. That was his kick, comic books and stuff, and our plan was to make one. Self-insert and poorly planned, the sort of stuff you’d expect from two adolescents, but it was fun, and what pages I managed to save I still have with me. It was supposed to be a story of totally not-Sketchpad’s and not-Vincent’s adventures through a post-apocalyptic Equestria. I could barely draw, so I did most of the plotting and stuff.

We would work on the comic for what seemed like a few minutes but would wind up being hours. Sketchpad’s folks, although they left us alone, were always happy to see me come over, and sometimes offer me food or to let me stay the night, although I usually declined on both—try as I might, I couldn’t stomach anything hay or flower or oat-based and would default to simply snacking on whatever fresh fruit they had there at the time. As for staying the night, well, there’s no way my folks would have allowed it, and I often found myself just managing to get home right before my mom and dad came home from work.

I remember one time, when we were working, Sketchpad got the idea to draw the two of us as different species. He made himself a human, and he looked fine as one except for the lime-green hair, and he drew me as an earth pony, but as he was working he stopped and chewed his pencil like he always did when he was deep in thought.

“Hey, Vince,” he said. “Whaddya think your cutie mark would look like?”

“My cutie mark?” I knew what those were, of course, but I’d never really given any thought to what mine might look like if I was a pony, mainly because I never thought about what it’d be like if I was a pony.

“Yeah, I’d need one to finish this drawing. What do you think yours would be?”

“Well...I dunno,” I said, scratching the back of my head. “I never really thought about it.”

“Well, what’s your special talent? Whaddya wanna do when you grow up?”

“Hm...” I thought about it for a second before answering. “Well, I always wanted to be a vet. I mean, all that medical stuff is cool, and I like working with animals...ah!”

It took me a second to realize what I’d just said, but Sketchpad cut me off before I could apologize by putting a hoof up to my lips and smiling. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. I know just the thing!” His horn glowed and he levitated the pencil like he was doing some kinda magic surgery or something. I leaned over to see what he had in store for me, and it was soon finished: a red cross on top of a paw print. He beamed as he held up the paper.

“Whaddya think?” he asked

I looked it over for a few seconds, imagining that mark tattooed on my butt, before deciding that it was perfect. He drew the pair of us species-swapped in a few more poses, and he showed me how to draw the mark. It’s got to be the only thing I ever learned how to draw well, and I’m thankful that cutie marks aren’t too complex.

Eventually Sketchpad introduced me to his other friends, Peachy Keen, Compass, and Gale. Compass was probably the most studious and serious among us. Don’t get me wrong, though, he was sensible and always good for advice, although he often planned things out to a T. When they did all that college planning crap with us in school I think Compass was the only one who took it as seriously as we were supposed to, and the guy had 15 schools lined up to apply to for civil engineering back when the thing that was foremost on our minds were new movies and random tidbits of pop culture.

Peachy Keen was the energetic one, always coming up with some new idea for places to hang out or talking about places we should visit when we get older. She was always good with plants—I think the only reason her family even came to Earth was because her mom needed some sort of medical procedure that you couldn’t get in Equestria. You could never tell when something was bothering her, and she seemed like an endless well of optimism. I jokingly called her Princess Peachy once, and the nickname stuck. She promised me, whenever she properly ruled a country, she would make sure to make me one of her dukes.

Gale was our resident griffon, and we both seemed to enjoy token status in the group. While Peachy was always optimistic, Gale tended to worry about just about everything, but she always meant well. She was almost the mom of the group, making sure the five of us weren’t doing anything too stupid and were taken care of. Her family was military, I think, and she always talked about her wanting to go into the Griffon airforce when she grew up, and that’s what she did. Fine choice, I’d say—the girl can fly like no one’s business.

We alternated between whose house to settle at after school, with the exception of mine, but we decided that it might be better to find our own place. Somewhere only we went, like in those old movies and cartoons. There was an old park near Sketchpad’s house that was easy to get to, and it became our designated hang out if the weather was good. Didn’t matter if it was cold or hot, or if there were others around who gave us weird looks when we entered high school and drew closer to the threshold of adulthood. All that mattered was that we were together. One day we came up with a simple rule: no matter what happens, we would always return to that spot one day. When we graduated and had to go our separate ways, we promised that we would return every so often, so long as we lived. It would be our bond, our commitment, that even if we were far apart we would always be able to meet again. And it held up.

At least until Sketchpad died.

Hit by a car, shortly before we graduated. He had thought to go to the corner store to pick some things up for one of our weekly get togethers, and the driver figured that stop lights were more of a suggestion than anything. We didn’t meet for awhile after that—hell, it was the only time I saw Peachy not having anything to say. The idea of the park became sickening for a bit, and none of us saw each other for a few weeks because of it.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to be; we were too young for that sort of thing. Worrying about whether you would see your friends again or that they’d remember to come meet up with next month or year or whatever was fine, but worrying about whether or not they would even be alive or healthy enough to come see you again, that seemed like something that old war buddies did, wasting away in retirement homes or something while the rest of the world had forgotten them. We weren’t any of that.

Eventually, though, we decided that it was, after all, our spot. Peachy said we made a promise, and we had to stick together. Sketchpad would have wanted it. I’m not saying it was easy for the first time after the incident, but eventually got back into it. I still had some of Sketchpad’s comics, and every time I would bring art supplies for us to draw stuff with. We were never any good or ambitious, but it was a ritual, a memorial for us, and we did it until time dragged us all apart.

Gale went back to the Griffon Kingdom, while Compass and Peachy went to the same school in Equestria. I stayed on Earth and worked on becoming a vet. With my human friends, at least, it was a lot easier to communicate, as no matter how far they were it was just a phone call or a hop on Facebook or something to catch up with them, but our little group, if they went back to Equestria, talking to them would be a crapshoot. In some places they might be able to have access to a phone or a computer or something, but a lot of Earth stuff didn’t spread too fast throughout Equestria. I dunno if it was just ponies and such being luddites or disagreements on how to expand or simple disorganization, I dunno. There was only the mail, which was painfully slow to get across the border.

I had taken to letter writing, though. It was a funny thing, my roommates would say, about me being up at night with only a desklight and pen and paper, scribbling away like I was someone out of Little House on the Prairie. I didn’t mind it, though. I wouldn’t say it was rustic or anything like that, but it was nice, something that let me slow down between a job and class and all the other stuff in my life. Every week I’d talk of my exploits, any funny anecdotes I could muster up—I found there were too few each week for my liking. In return, I would be rewarded with envelopes with return addresses in mouth or talonwriting. How are you, I’m fine, have you seen the latest such and such, did you hear about so-and-so, and so on and so forth. I posted the important letters up on my desk—the letter when Peachy told me she was engaged to Compass and her promise to send wedding invitations when they figured out exactly when they’d tie the knot. Gale’s pictures of the places she toured around Equestria. Compass’s bragging about how he managed to get scouted by a royal contractor and had a government job in the bag.

Somehow, everyone’s schedules seemed to align for a brief period, and we began exchanging letters of meeting up again. Where? Where else? To be perfectly honest, I looked forward to it more than even getting that fancy degree. We set up a specific date that happened to be on the tail end of July. I drove home for that weekend, realizing with no small amount of smugness that I could now go to that park without having to hide anything. Sure, it might have seemed a bit weird for a college student to be hanging around a place like that, but we were still young enough to get away with it, or at the very least attribute it to being ‘ironic’ or something.

On the scheduled day, I put on my backpack, filled with paper and colored pencils and markers and all sorts of supplies, and walked to the park, taking in the new and the old buildings and I passed by along the way. When I got there, I spotted a figure—feline and winged and wearing a vest of some sort—standing near the park, staring at some sign that I didn’t remember being there before. It was Gale, and I called to her as I approached. She didn’t turn back to look at me, though.

“Hey, Gale. Gale!” I walked up next to her. “What’s up? I haven’t seen—”

I stopped when I saw what she was looking at all stoic-like, and to be honest, I couldn’t blame her; it made me speechless, myself. Standing in front of us was a simple sign, but the words on it seemed to make it more like some sort of obelisk of doom. It read:

Whitewater Realtors

Future apartment complex

1yr Lease starting at $700/mo

Construction slated to begin 12 September

Contact:
(Tel): 555-9024
(Fax): 555-9031
Or visit on the web at

“What the hell is this?” I asked. The sign might as well have insulted my family and I probably would have been as nonplussed and incensed.

Gale just shook her head and sighed. “Whaddya think?” She lightly punched the sign. “It was only a matter of time, I guess. No one really comes here anymore, anyway.”

“‘Cept us, right?”

“Right.” She glared at the sign for a few moments, before turning to face me. She gave a wry smile. “Sorry, Vince, that’s no way to greet an old friend, is it?”

I shrugged. “It’s cool. I don’t blame you.” I turned to the rest of the park, just as barren as I’d expected, trying to get my mind off of the looming eviction notice before me. “Are Princess and Compass here yet?”

“Nah, I think they’re running late, or something,” she said, and I hoped that was the case. “C’mon,” she said as she began to hover a few feet off the ground, “we oughta wait for them someplace that’s not here.”

I nodded, and we went over to the old swingset and manufactured playset. The place was already kinda run down when we were still in high school, and time evidently hadn’t done the place anymore favors—one of the seats on a swing was broken, most of the chains were rusted, and anywhere that plastic showed on the playground you’d better believe someone had taken a pen or something and etched or written in initials, profanities, penises, or off-color jokes.

The two of us shot the shit while we waited. I was actually starting to work with the animals, and I had managed to save a dog’s life a few weeks back, it was great. Gale had been on a stay in South Amareica and had brought back a bunch of neat souvenirs that she promised to show me later if I swung by the house of the friend she was staying with. I idly swung on the set as Gale perched on top of the slides, the air filled with the noise of cicadas.

Soon enough, Compass and Peachy showed up, coming the same way we did. I winced a bit when I saw them stop at the sign, but there was nothing I could do. When they approached I got off of the swing and Gale flew off the slide, alighting down near the rest of us. There were plenty of hugs and laughs all around as we exchanged greetings.

“What’s up, Compass?” I turned to Peachy and gave an ostentatious bow. “And good afternoon, Princess Peachy,” I said in my most exaggerated fancy voice, “I trust your trip here was a pleasant one?”

Compass just rolled his eyes while Peachy giggled. “Still using that nickname, Vince?” Compass asked.

“Oh it’s fine,” Peachy said to Compass, and then turned back to me, adopting her best mock-royal voice. “Well met, Sir Vincent. Our journey hence was agreeable, and we trust yours was as well.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” I said, struggling to keep a straight face. I’m not sure which I found more amusing: the fact that Peachy still went along with that whole routine or how disapproving Compass looked when I referenced it. Perhaps I wasn’t as mature as I would have liked to think. I stood up and dropped the voice.

“So what’s new with you two?” I said, my eyes focusing on the identical rings around Peachy’s and Compass’s left hooves. “Other than the whole engagement thing.”

“Heh, we’re just trying to figure out the best time to actually do it,” Compass said. “We do have a nice place picked out for us to move into afterwards. You should come look at it sometime.”

“Yup! It’s got a big backyard for a garden and it’s not too far from the border or anything,” Peachy said, clapping her hooves together. “It’s gonna be the best!”

Gale nodded. “I bet. I can’t wait for the wedding.”

“Don’t worry,” Compass said with a wink, “that’ll be even more magical.” He took the opportunity to put a foreleg over Peachy’s shoulder, and the two nuzzled each other. I smiled, but even on all that good news, you could tell there was a feeling of unease. Just the way everyone stood, like people trying to be polite and act normal and stuff while dancing around the elephant in the room. That damn sign...

I remembered the art supplies, and I laid them out on the picnic table nearby, thanking God that it was at the very least still clean enough to sit on. I distributed the paper, and we got to work, with Compass drawing buildings, of course, Peachy doodling, and Gale staring at the paper blankly, while I began to draw caricatures of us as superheroes. Panels arranged in every which way with me, Peachy, Compass, Gale, and...

“I can’t do this,” Gale said, putting down her pencil with a sigh. I looked up, and saw she was looking at my drawings. She was looking at Sketchpad, especially.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Vince...” Compass spat out his pencil and shook his head. “It’s different now. We can’t come back here anymore.”

I stared down at the paper. He was right, of course, but how could I ever admit it. My fists began to clench. “No, it’s just...”

“Vincent, I know, but this place is gonna be gone,” he said. “Look, it was fun while it lasted, but we gotta move on. We’re older now. We can’t just draw in the park like we’re kids anymore. And besides...”

Sketchpad was gone, of course. He didn’t finish but he didn’t have to. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, and I think I started to tremble. I wanted to punch someone—Compass, maybe myself, but I couldn’t really think of a suitable target.

Without warning, Peachy hugged me, and said, “Vince, don’t worry. We’ll find another place. We won’t lose each other.”

The way she spoke, I hadn’t heard that tone since right after Sketchpad died. I hugged her back, and murmured, “Of course.” I wanted to believe it, for my sake, for her sake, for Gale’s and Compass’s sake, and, most of all, for Sketchpad’s sake.

She broke the hug and gave me a small smile. We all stayed for a bit in awkward silence but soon she and Compass bid goodbye, and Gale left shortly after, leaving me alone in the park. I collected the art supplies, stuffed them into my backpack, and began to walk. When I passed the sign, I wanted nothing more than to break it, rip it out of the ground, kick it until it broke, throw it down a ravine or in the bay or something, but I knew it was a stupid idea. Even if I could have managed to destroy that damn sign, they would have just put up another one. They always do. We were just a bunch of children masquerading as adults, no match for Whitewater Realtors, and no allies to back us, and soon everything would disappear. Gone. Not even given the benefit of bloody slaughter or gassed homes to incense those that came after.

I stared at the sign for what seemed like forever, to the point where I could barely read what it said in the failing light. And then I figured, if this thing was gonna be there no matter what I did, well...I remembered the permanent marker that I brought with me and fished it out of my backpack. I thought to look for an area with little text and lots of free space, but I figured I might as well mark where I damn well pleased. I didn’t need to see—what I was making was muscle memory. It only took less than a minute, but I was satisfied. I walked off, leaving behind nothing but a picture of a small cross overlaying a paw print.

Masquerade

“Bring her in.”

Celestia nodded towards her guards, watching them leap into action. They approached the ornate door at the end of the Princesses’ grand hall, using their magic to pull it open with a heavy groan. They stepped aside as another pair of guards walked in, pulling something behind them.

They pulled the object into the light of Celestia’s own early morning sun, letting it wash over what appeared to be an enchanted prison. Pristine, ethereal blue walls formed a cube above a cart, with a gilded cover on top to seal it off. Its confines were just large enough to have room for the prisoner within. Celestia chuckled, smiling. “Your work is highly appreciated, gentlecolts. Now if you would be so kind, would you leave me alone with our guest?”

The guards followed their orders, leaving their posts behind to trot out of the hall. The prisoner rose to her hind legs and desperately pounded against her prison’s walls, only causing the guards to put distance between her and them as they left. “No, wait!” she called out, intensifying her knocking. “You’re making a grave mistake! Please, won’t you help?” She slunk down, moaning. “Why won’t anypony help us?”

Celestia watched the last of her soldiers go, waiting until the exit was sealed. “Now, then... how was your trip, Luna?”

The mare in the cage held out a hoof towards Celestia, her mouth trembling. “Why would you do this, Celestia? Does our sisterly bond mean nothing to you?” Luna ‘s eyes went wide, barely holding back tears. “Please... just let me go.”

Celestia let out another short laugh. “Alright, enough with the theatrics. Luna’s out and about on her morning rounds, and she won’t be back ‘til nightfall. Your efforts are appreciated, though a bit futile.” She smirked. “Don’t you believe so, Chrysalis?”

Luna’s downcast expression turned into a glare. With a sigh, she stopped pawing at her cell, instead opting to stand perfectly still. Suddenly, a green spark burst to life on her tail, quickly spreading across the rest of her body. Luna burst into flames, her form disappearing into a green inferno as her body began to morph. Pegasus wings became insect wings, her blue coat turned black, her horn twisted out of shape, and holes began dotting her legs and newly-colored mane. Within seconds, Luna was gone, replaced with the irritated Queen of the Changelings herself.

“It’s not like you gave me much choice, Celestia,” Chrysalis spat out. She shifted herself, already noting that her original, larger form was having a harder time getting comfy in her small prison. “And where do you get off, kidnapping me after expelling me from your city not even a month ago? Rubbing in your victories is truly poor form, your highness.”

“Kidnapped?” Celestia asked, curious. “As far as I remember, my orders were to have you retrieved as peacefully as possible. Do tell, why are you in that cage?”

Chrysalis huffed, looking away. “Alright, fine... I may have bitten a guard or two when they started to get on my nerves.” She looked back towards her captor, snarling. “That’s still no excuse to treat royalty like this!”

“Settle down,” Celestia said soothingly. “I didn’t bring you here to quarrel. In fact, I requested your presence because I have a favor to ask of you.”

The Changeling Queen scoffed, letting out a sharp laugh. “Me? Help you? Are you so quick to forget how quickly I defeated you back at that frivolous little wedding? I’d be quite happy to remind you.”

“Now, now, you and I both know that you only achieved that power through leeching off my nephew-in-law’s love for the better part of a week. I doubt there’s much love out in that wasteland home of yours for you to feed on; surely, your energy must be about tapped out, correct?”

Chrysalis opened her mouth to retort, but was unable to find anything. Celestia was right. Changelings could survive just fine off normal food and water, but emotions were what fueled them. Without a steady source of love, hatred, or any other emotion, Changelings were reduced to little more than a minor threat. The same proved true for Chrysalis herself, as she noted her own power reserves having been tapped out not too long ago. With a grunt of defeat, the changeling sat down. “Fine then, I’ll parley with you. You best make it worth my while, though.”

“Excellent,” Celestia said. The Princess rose up, leaving her throne behind as she approached her guest. “As I said, I have a favor to ask of you. Do not get me wrong, I love my subjects more than almost anything, but after a thousand years of ruling, one tends to get tired out. Unfortunately, somepony such as myself can’t just take a day off, lest the populace get worried.”

Chrysalis yawned, idly admiring her hoof. “Go on,” she muttered absentmindedly.

“In brief, what I request of you is this: Use your powers to assume my powers until the sun sets while I take a day for myself. I would not have bothered you if I hadn’t already exhausted every other option; our finest apothecaries’ potions are far too risky to use without lasting too long or not long enough, not to mention they don’t disguise the fact I’m missing. And let’s not get into my escapades with disguise and other options. Instead, I ask you to use your powers. Take my form, and take my place for just one day.”

Chrysalis arched an eyebrow. “And what is in it for me?”

“For starters, what you want most: Emotion. As long as you’re here, you’re free to absorb as much as your heart contents. And before you get full of yourself,” Celestia warned, “you’d never be able to take in enough to be considered a threat.”

“And leave my precious kin with nothing?” Chrysalis asked. “Why would I ever consider such a thing?”

Celestia nodded curtly, thinking. “I’ll admit, it’d be impossible to accommodate all your changelings. But consider the following: You help out the ruler of a nation you’d previously invaded, working towards repairing any hostilities and possibly opening up diplomatic relations. It’s a start towards something that may benefit us both, correct?”

Queen Chrysalis had to admit, her captor had a point. She had nothing to lose, save for a little dignity. Still, she couldn’t give in so willingly. “And what are the conditions?” she enquired.

Celestia trotted over to one of the windows, using her magic to gently push it open. More light flooded the room as she looked outside, thinking. “The sun’s path has already been put into motion, so there’s no need to worry about that. There’s no meetings planned for today, either. I do have a few chores lying around, but I’ll handle them upon my return if they’re unfinished. To be honest, all you’d have to do is assume my form and sit around ‘til just before dusk.”

“...Really?” Chrysalis asked, disbelieving. Celestia was really handing her free sustenance, an act of goodwill, and an easy job all at the same time? “What if I refuse? And what’s the catch?”

“None. If you leave, I won‘t stop you. You‘ll be transported safely back to your home. But I implore you to at least consider the offer first.”

Chrysalis cackled. Could this deal be any sweeter? she pondered, letting her laughter die down. Yes, obviously, but I’ll take it.

“So is it a deal?” Celestia asked, turning back towards her guest.

“It’s a deal,” Chrysalis agreed. As she said it, she saw Celestia’s horn light up. Suddenly, her prison shattered with a satisfying crash, falling to the ground in shards before disappearing. The Queen stepped off the little wagon that’d transported her for who-knows how long, stretching out her legs.

“Just don’t try anything funny,” Celestia warned as she approached. “This kingdom is under my domain, and I will know if something goes awry.”

“Yes, yes,” Chrysalis moaned, giving her wings a couple test flaps. “I’m sure you have things to be doing now. Shall we get this over with?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Chrysalis nodded. Straightening herself up once more, she stood stock-still as another wave of green fire passed over her. Dark colors changed to dazzling white as she morphed once more, donning Celestia’s appearance. “How does it look?” she asked as the transformation completed.

She watched as the Princess trotted around her slowly, admiring her work. “...Is my flank really that big?” Celestia pondered aloud, prompting a chuckle from her doppelganger. “Nonetheless, certainly a respectable job.” She paused in front of Chrysalis, opting to levitate a scroll over from nearby her throne. “Here’s the chores if you desire a distraction. Remember, keep your cover, and prepare for me to return before nightfall.”

“I heard you the first time,” Chrysalis teased, taking the list in her own magic. “Go on now, go have your fun. You have the word of the Changeling Queen that things shall be as they were when you left.”

Celestia shook her head, cantering away towards the open window. “Considering recent events, that isn’t worth much.” She reached the window, looking back one last time. “Remember, keep your cover.”

“Yep.”

“Don’t try anything.”

“Gotcha.”

“I’ll be back by nightfall.”

“For the love of... will you get out of here already?!”

“Yes, yes,” Celestia promised. With a flap of her wings, she rose, leaving her imposter behind as she took to the air. With another flap of her wings, she was out the window. One last flap, and she was gone.

“Finally,” Chrysalis muttered. She drew the window shut, leaving it behind to approach Celestia’s throne. She flicked the list away, letting it roll somewhere near the seat as she flopped down into the gilded chair, sighing. “Well, it begins.”

She let out a yawn. “That harpy did say I could do whatever I wished,” she mused. “And I am rather famished.” Chrysalis closed her eyes, drawing up her magic. She focused on her surroundings, seeking out energy. There was a reason she and her kin had tried to take over Canterlot: Emotion could be found everywhere.

Soon, she was drawing it in, feeling her magic reserves already beginning to replenish. “Just heavenly,” she cooed, shutting her mind off and just enjoying the love.

“Is everything alright, Your Highness?”

Chrysalis’ eyes shot open, startling the two guards in front of her. They quickly regained their composure, pretending nothing had happened. “What do you buffoons want?” she hissed.

“Pardon my boldness, Princess,” one of the unicorn guards began, “but your magic seems off... not to mention you sound a little irritated.”

Chrysalis mentally scolded herself. You’re playing a role now, get in character. “My apologies, my... er... royal subject. What was that about my magic?”

“Well,” the other guard continued, “it seems yer glow’s a bit green in the gills, Princess.”

Oh, shoot. Chrysalis quickly shut down her magic, instantly yearning for the emotions she’d just given up for the sake of subtlety. “Don’t be ridiculous, my subjects. It must have been a trick of the light.”

The two guards glanced at each other, shrugging. Accepting her answer, they turned, standing in place.

Chrysalis waited for them to go. She was still waiting ten minutes later when the guards hadn’t budged an inch. “What are you two doing?” Chrysalis asked, leaning forward on her temporary throne.

“Uh... our jobs, Your Majesty,” they replied.

The Queen cursed under her breath. Of course she wouldn’t be left alone; she was impersonating the Princess of Equestria, and somepony of such a stature would surely require guards. And of course, that meant she couldn’t feed without blowing her cover. The thought of all that love floating in the air unabsorbed made her sick to her stomach.

“Well then, you’re dismissed,” Chrysalis ordered. “Run along and, I don’t know... guard the kitchen pantry, or maybe the library.”

“No can do,” came the reply. “Guards are to remain at their posts unless the Princess is attending to private matters,” the leftmost guard recited.

Chrysalis groaned. Sabotaging, obtrusive, downtrodden little... She paused her interior rant, remembering something. She made sure the guards weren’t looking before lighting up her horn, grasping around for the scroll she’d dropped earlier. She found it rolled up to the throne’s side, and she quickly levitated it up to eye level. She dropped it onto the armrest, smirking. “On the subject of private matters, I have some to attend to.” She stood up, clenching the list in her teeth as she passed by the two pests. “No need to follow,” she assured, “I’ll be fine by myself.”

The guards obeyed. Stifling a laugh, Chrysalis headed for the exit door. I suppose doing a chore or two will get me into Celestia’s good graces faster... and of course, that means a quicker route to sustenance. And being alone to find a place to feed isn’t that bad, either.

After making certain she wasn’t being watched, the Queen hovered the scroll in front of her face, scanning it. “Now, let’s see what’s first...”

“You’ve got to be kidding.”

Chrysalis lowered the list, sighing. She’d relocated herself to the castle’s gardens, surrounding herself with freshly-trimmed hedges and fauna. She stood at the entrance of a small meadow in the center, looking out over the large herd of animals scampering around within it. Various birds flew from tree to tree, chirping their songs over the heads of bunnies, badgers, and even...

...Is that a kangaroo? Chrysalis rubbed at her eyes, double-checking. Yep. Looks like Celestia’s menagerie knows no bounds. Ignoring the animals, Chrysalis checked around her, making sure the various bags of feed were in place. She doesn’t have ponies to do this for her?!

She grumbled, lifting up each sack as she trotted out into the field. Let’s get this over with. Let’s see... the instructions were to measure out the correct amount, so as to... augh, to hay with it; the sooner I’m done with this, the sooner I can feed.

With a quick twist of her magic, the tops of the feedbags tore off. One more twist, and their contents were spilling all over the center of the meadow. Chryalis hummed to herself as the bags emptied out, depositing their contents at the feet of hungry critters. The animals dug in, ignoring the Queen as she lazily tossed the bags aside. “That should do, now to find a place to...”

Snf, snf.

Chrysalis flinched, turning around. Her expression deadpanned as she spotted the kangaroo pawing at her side, sniffing the air around her. “Begone, pest,” Chrysalis hissed, “I have places to be, emotions to drain.”

The kangaroo looked up, staring straight into her eyes. Its blank stare turned into a glare as it bent low, growling. “Did you not hear me?” Chrysalis asked. “Begon-”

The kangaroo pounced. Chrysalis let out a shriek as it lashed out, delivering a kick that missed by just a few inches. What the hay?! Chrysalis thought. Oh, buck. Should have known animals would have an easier job seeing through disguises.

Turning away from her aggressor, Chrysalis turned to retreat back into the castle. The kangaroo pounced again, barely grazing her leg and causing her to cry out.
She wobbled, stopping her run. “Want to play, do you?” Chrysalis asked, already letting the green fire of transformation wash over her. Seconds later, a similar kangaroo stood where she had been. “Let’s go!”

The creature obliged. The two leapt at each other, attacking whenever they weren’t trying to step out of the path of a stray critter. They kicked at each other, punched, and dodged whenever possible.

“What in Celestia’s name is goin’ on here?”

Chrysalis looked up, ignoring the other kangaroo that she had in a headlock. Her eyes fell on an elderly pony, who was scratching at his scraggly gray beard. “When did the Princess get a second kangaroo?” he pondered aloud. With a shrug, he walked over. “No matter... cut it out, you two! C’mon, quit it!”

Embarrassed, Chrysalis let her opponent go, watching it hop off after giving her a death glare. The groundskeeper walked up to the changeling, eyeing her closely. “Looks like the poor feller is already gettin’ off to a bad start here,” he muttered. “Go on, it looks like the Princess stopped by and delivered some fo-” The stallion paused, peering past Chrysalis. “Woo-boy, looks like she overdid it a bit.”

The groundskeeper trotted away, cautioning Chrysalis to be on her best behavior while he went to fetch something to clean up the excess. She watched him go, quickly hopping away as soon as he was out of sight. She transformed mid-hop, changing back into Celestia’s form as she headed for the nearest exit. “Looks like there won’t be any peace here with that old-timer around,” Chrysalis griped. “And crazed kangaroos, for that matter.”

Chrysalis retrieved the list where she’d left it, unraveling it to read it as she walked. “Well, I got a favor out of the way. Maybe the next task will go over better... let’s see...”

“How about zis, Princess?”

Chrysalis gulped as the chefpony that’d intercepted her as soon as she entered the kitchens dropped another dish on the table in front of her. The list had told her to come to the dining wing to help select dishes for an upcoming event; she’d been expecting the task to be as simple as selecting things from a list, not having to taste them herself.

Therein lied the problem. Changelings could eat normal food, sure, but there was a reason they sought out emotions: Food not only didn’t invigorate them, but it had no taste for them, either. Chrysalis gulped as she levitated a spoonful of the murky orange soup in front of her, quickly swallowing it. It went down without so much as a zing of flavor, leaving nothing but the chef expecting a thorough review of the meal.

“Um...” Chrysalis began, quickly thinking up something to say. “Yes, this will certainly work for the event. It’s... wonderfully tangy? I detected a hint of carrot, did I not?”

The chef looked puzzled. “But there’s no carrots in the dish, your High-”

“It will do!” Chrysalis interrupted. “Go on, fetch the next dish. By all means, take your time.”

“...As you wish, Princess,” the chef replied as he trotted away. Chrysalis waited until he was out of earshot, slowly rising from her seat and quietly sneaking away.

Got to get out of here, she ordered herself. She crept towards the exit on the far side of the room, opposite where the chef had walked off to. As she approached, she noted a closed door to the side. What’s this?

After another check to make sure the chef was preoccupied, Chrysalis opened the door and entered. She gently shut it behind her, turning to inspect her new surroundings.

Chrysalis gagged. All around on, lining shelves and filling crates, was sweets. Cakes dotted the walls, candies were piled in boxes, and sugar was resting within sacks. It had to be sweets, Chrysalis moaned. The one food that actually has taste to us... and it’s revolting.

She grimaced, walking further into the room. Tasting that orange pony’s treats back at the wedding took all my willpower to keep it down. Still, this is as good a place as any to feed...

She laid down, making herself comfortable. Ignoring the sickly sweet smell of the sugary confections around her, Chrysalis closed her eyes, beginning to absorb energy. “Now this is a treat,” she muttered, laughing to herself.

“...Must have stepped out for a moment. I vill fetch some desert options for ze Princess to taste.”

Come on! Chrysalis quickly rose, dousing the green glow on her horn as the chefpony entered the sugary storage. He turned and froze, blinking curiously.

“Princess? Vhat are you doing here?” he asked, walking closer.

“Oh, uh... I overheard you mentioning sweet testing, so I came here to get a head start on viewing the selection.”

A smile swept over the chef’s face as he clapped giddily. “Most excellent, Princess! Shall we begin?”

Chrysalis shook her head. “Wouldn’t it be better to try something else first?”

“Nein! We are already here, so let’s get it out of the way, shall ve?” Chrysalis eyed the chef closely. He wasn’t backing down.

With a huff, Chrysalis turned, picking out a high-stacked pink cake from a nearby shelf. Quickly, she took a small bite, straining to keep down the vile taste. With a gulp, it was gone, leaving a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. “Just... guh... lovely. Use it,” Chrysalis ordered. “Now then, shall we head back to the kitchen?”

“Not yet, Your Highness.” The chef walked past her, pointing towards various confections. “While we’re here, ve must try zis, and zat, and maybe a little of those. I’ll make a mental list, you get started, no?”

“No!” Chrysalis retorted. The chef eyed her curiously. She cleared her throat nervously. “Excuse me. Yes, let’s get this over with.” The chef flashed her another grin as he focused back on marking treats. Chrysalis groaned, heading over to one of the marked treats. Hesitantly, she leaned forward, ready to take a bite...

Groooooooan...

Chrysalis clutched at her stomach, willing the stinging rumbling to go away. It passed after a minute, leaving the princess to suck in a breath of air and continue walking. She levitated the list up and scanned it again, making sure she was on the right route.

“Straighten up the royal bedchambers,” she read aloud. She cackled, rolling up the scroll. “Finally, things go my way! What better place to have privacy than the Royal Sister’s bedchamber itself?”

She turned a corner, finding herself in the hallway that the list had pointed out. Straight ahead of her stood an ornate pair of arched doors, guarded by a couple more watchstallions. Chrysalis stepped towards them, ignoring them as she went to enter the room.

“Halt!”

“Wha?” Chrysalis stepped back as the guard’s spears clashed together, blocking her path. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Our apologies, Princess,” the leftmost guard said. “But word comes from the gardens that somepony spilled excess food everywhere.”

“...And this is my problem because?”

“We assumed that you’d wish to straighten things out. If the animals eat too long, it could lead to issues in both health and food supply. And we know you love to make sure the royal creatures are well cared for.”

“None of my concern,” Chrysalis stated. “Now if you would just...”

The guards didn’t budge, instead eyeing her more sternly. “Something the matter, Your Highness? Making sure the animals are well has always been one of your top concerns. You don’t seem quite yourself...”

“Oh! W-well...” Chrysalis stammered. “It was just a bad joke. My apologies. I’ll go see to it. Thanks for keeping me informed.”

“Our pleasure,” the guards chanted in unison. Cursing under her breath, Chrysalis turned away, heading back down the hall. She sought a window to her side, looking out. Off in the distance, the sun had just started to droop towards the horizon. She muttered another curse.

“I don’t have time for this,” she spat. Leaving the window behind continuing her trek down the hall, she rounded the corner, already preparing another transformation. Celestia’s form melted away under the fire, leaving behind a dark blue coat and a glistening mane. Quickly doing a turnabout, she went back around the corner, smirking.

The guards saw her coming, saluting. “Good afternoon, Princess Luna,” they greeted, watching her as she stepped towards the door once more. “Back early?”

“Yes,” Chrysalis agreed. “There is something we needed to fetch. Do not worry about us, we shall be departing by the balcony once we’ve retrieved it.”

The guards acknowledged the info, letting Chrysalis pass through. She nudged open the double doors, snickering under her breath as she entered the royal bedchamber.

Chrysalis let out a low whistle. She had to admit, the Princess’ room was fancy. Tapestries adorned silvery walls, separated occasionally by pillars and paintings. Across from the entrance sat the resting area, complete with matching light and dark silken beds. An opaque dresser and wardrobe sat to the right, littered with various trinkets and accessories. Chrysalis walked over to the dresser, levitating all the various trinkets off it and flinging them into the wardrobe. She closed the doors and dusted off her hooves, smirking. “Done.”

With a running start, Chrysalis leapt into the dark blue sheets of what she assumed was Luna’s bed. Cackling, she charged up the absorption spell. Finally, no interruptions!

Making herself comfortable, she sighed in contentment, already feeling the empowering flow of emotions rush into her. “Lovely...”

Minutes passed as she charged up. Her beliefs about Canterlot had been right; love, sadness, and every emotion in between practically oozed from the walls. Having all this sustenance at once was wonderful, almost enough for Chrysalis to ignore the blast of energy that struck her, flinging her off the bed.

“Gwah!” Chrysalis flipped through the air, crashing against the wall. She shook her head, fighting off the ache that was creeping over her body. Peering up, she gulped nervously as the figure of the true Princess Luna stepped into view.

“Who are you?” she asked, venom practically dripping from her voice. “And how dare you impersonate us?”

Chrysalis avoided eye contact, instead opting to eye the door she’d been knocked towards. Ever so slowly, she began inching towards it, but not fast enough to draw Luna’s attention. “I... I can explain...” she rasped, trying to buy time.

Realization danced across Luna’s face. “Wait a minute,” she began, “it is you! Chrysalis! Celestia informed us of your antics from just a month ago.” Her expression darkened as her horn lit up. “How dare you! Attacking our kingdom, my friends, and even my sister while I was absent! And then we come home early to find you sneaking back in here so soon while impersonating us?!”

Luna’s horn glowed even brighter. Chrysalis let out a yelp, dodging to the side as Luna fired again. Dodging by mere inches, Chrysalis barreled out the door, startling the guards outside. Her cover blown, she charged down the hall, desperate to get away as she heard the angry yells of the Night Princess right behind her.

Another beam whizzed right by her head. She cursed repeatedly, rounding the corner in an attempt to escape.

Celestia hummed to herself, floating merrily on the breeze as her sun began creeping over the horizon behind her. Such a lovely day, she mused, smiling as she caught the familiar sight of home in front of her. She banked, setting course for the same window she’d exited from earlier. It’s good to be home, though.

Reaching her destination, Celestia peered inside. Looks clear, she noted, quietly pulling the window open with her magic. She entered, landing silently and peering around. Huh... where is everypony? Celestia wondered, glancing around. Her throne sat suspiciously empty, and no guards could be seen. She turned around, looking towards the entrance. Wait... what’s that?

Celestia headed towards the corner by the entrance, approaching two guards who seemed to be standing over something. As she approached, she groaned as she recognized Chrysalis on the ground in her original form, shivering. “What’s going on?” Celestia asked, attracting the guards’ attention.

“Oh, Princess!” one of them, a pegasus, spoke up. “We caught this creature whimpering in the corner about twenty minutes ago. We were gonna arrest her, but she doesn’t really seem to be much of a threat...”

“Hopefully a correct observation. I’ll take it from here, you’re free to leave,” Celestia ordered. The guards obeyed, trotting away and out the door. Celestia watched them go, turning back to her doppelganger after they’d left. “So, how was your day?”

“Attacked...” Chrysalis mumbled, shivering. “Luna... cakes... food... lasers... kangaroos...”

Celestia arched an eyebrow. “Not well, huh?” She sighed. “Well, it doesn’t seem like anypony is any the wiser to my disappearance. Have a good feast?” Celestia asked, reaching down to help the Queen up.

Chrysalis accepted the aid, shaking her head. “N-no... never got the chance.”

Celestia eyed her, curious. “Don’t suppose you even glanced at the optional tasks I gave you?” To her surprise, Chrysalis nodded. “Well now, there’s a pleasant surprise. Perhaps I misjudged you.”

The Queen’s frown twisted upward into a smirk. Noting the smirk, Celestia forged ahead with another question. “Since you didn’t get enough to feast on, perhaps you’d like to impersonate me again? Say, next month? Or perhaps the month after that?”

The screech that came from Chrysalis’ mouth made Celestia cover her ears. “No! Never! Absolutely not! Everypony in this blasted castle is insane!”

Celestia wrapped a hoof around her, attempting to soothe the frantic changeling. “Okay, okay, don’t worry, it’s safe. Let’s just head outside, we’ll fetch the cage, and we’ll have you safely transported home, alright?”

After a pause, Chrysalis nodded, calming down. “Alright.”

Celestia flashed her a smile, letting her go and leading the way out the door. Poor dear, she thought, peeking backwards to make sure she was being followed. I couldn’t even imagine what could’ve gotten her like this. Well, I’ll give her a few months to calm down. Celestia chuckled under her breath. And then maybe she’ll reconsider trying again. I certainly wouldn’t mind another day off.

Settle Down the Charter

“...Cockadoddle-doo....”

“Ugghh..., whaa...?”

“...Cockadoddle-doo-adoo...”

“THUMP” A flash of purple as her window slammed shut much louder than expected. Wincing while snuggling up in her blankee, Twilight tried to drift off again. Celestia may be up at the crack of dawn but that doesn’t mean I *yawn*have to....

Crash.., bang.. thud.... “Get yer flank in gear, Smelly! We gots more trash on Walker ta gets”

“Oh cow paddies...” mumbled lavender unicorn, “it's Tuesday,” while rolling over and burying her head under her pillow. Never once has her trash been picked up at a sensible, decent hour for ponies to be awake.

“QUIT CALLING ME SMELLY, ya son of a mule! Why don’ts you empty the bins fer once and lets me pull the wagon, Hayseed? Lets see whats you smell like then!”

“‘Cause, I gots both seniority and I’m yer boss... SMELLY!”

Nor without a lot of yelling loud enough to wake a sleeping dragon, Twilight conceded defeat and headed towards her bath. There’s got to be a rule against making so much noise at such an ungoddlessly early hour.

“EEEEK... Spike, WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING IN MY BATHTUB!”

“‘Cause it’s cool and quiet in here...*yawn*” the snoozing dragon replied. “Too early, come back in an hour or three...”

“Shisssh”

“Ha-ha-ha C-C-COLD!” cried out the dragon as he lept from the tub.

“If you slept in your bed rather then my tub, you’ll be dry right now!”

“Ain’t your tub, it came with the library”

“ISN’T my tub” corrected the Unicorn, “and I’m the librarian. My library, my tub!”

Hoomph! Another flash and a towel appeared over Spike’s head. “You’re dripping all over my wood floor”

“It's not your floor, either” mumbled Spike stomping out of the bathroom, leaving the Unicorn to start her morning routine.

Lets see, as Twilight consulted the list posted near the mirror. Morning Routine List. 1) Fill bath to exactly 15 inches with 105F water. Started already, adjusting the faucet.2) Wash hooves before entering tub....

Exactly 35 minutes later as per her list, Twilight was sitting down to her morning bowl of cereal.

“Spike, what is this?” peering into the bowl.

“Cream of wheat”

“You know my list, I eat cream of wheat on Mondays and Fridays, not Tuesdays.”

“It won’t hurt you to eat wheat today.”

“Yes it may, I had wheat yesterday! My daily breakfast plan is laid out to maximize my nutritional requirements for optimal health and mental acuity” replied Twilight. “You know my list, it's OATMEAL on Tuesday!” pointing towards the posted parchment.

“Don’t blame me, the market was out of oats yesterday.”

“SO WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YESTERDAY!”

“Jeez, overreacting some there Twi, the grocer would’ve still been out.”

“I could have adjusted my list accordingly!”

“I saved you the effort, since all we have is wheat.”

“Item #35) Inform Twilight of any deviation and/or noncompliance with any items on this list.” quoted Twilight from the posted list.

“Twi, we’re out of oats so I made wheat instead,” flatly stated Spike, “happy now?”

“It’s not to make me happy, the list is all that stands between efficient organization or chaos and anarchy.”

Rolling his eyes, Spike noted “I’ve have yet to see ponies rioting in the streets because we’re out of oats”

Grumbling to herself, Twilight grudgingly sat down and ate her wheat.

Since she was up so early, Twilight decided that for once she’ll visit the morning market since obviously Spike could not be trusted to do that chore. Wearing her favorite set of saddlebags, the green ones with her cutie mark on them, and reading her book on the Zebra-Griffin War of 745, she took off across the village green.

Plop

“Yeugh” declared Twi in disgust wrinkling her nose while wiping her hoof on the grass. Some inconsiderate pony didn’t clean up after their pet. Isn’t there a rule about that?

Reaching the market area, the first stop on her list was the oats. Fighting traffic as ponies trotted willy-nilly from on side of the street to the other, Twilight weaved her way towards Golden Harvest’s vegetable stall.

“I see you gone au naturel again, Carrot” Twilight said, noting the bright red-orange mane that along with her cutie mark earned Golden Harvest the nickname of “Carrot Top”

“Green just wasn’t my color, and please call me Goldie”

“Okay, Goldie. I need a head of lettuce and 2 bunches of carrots for...” Twilight paused for a moment while consulting the prices Spike paid in the past, “... a total of 5 bits?”

Now Goldie paused, normally there would be some good natured haggling first, but 5 bits was a fair price and Twilight was a friend. “5 bits it is.” She conceded as the coins changed hooves and the vegetables levitated off the counter.

“TOOT-TOOOOOT”

“HORSE APPLES!” as the Ponyville Express train whistle caused the startled Unicorn to drop her carrots in the dirt. “Um, Goldie, can I get two new bunches of carrots?”

“What's wrong with those?” Goldie asked with pointing towards the carrots on the ground.

“They’re lying in the dirt” exclaimed Twilight, “I can eat those!”

“You do know carrots grow in the dirt” answered Goldie, “just wash’em off when you get home.”

“But I want some already washed carrots, I might nibble on a few right now.”

“I don’t wash my vegetables, farm fresh means just that. Fresh from the plant, or in case of the carrots, freshly pulled from the soil.”

“You... don’t... wash... your... vegetables...?” sputtered out Twilight while turning slightly green, thinking of all the times she must have ate DIRTY produce.

“No pony does,” replied Goldie. “HEY AJ, do you wash your apples after bucking them?” calling over to the Apple family stall.

“Shoot no, ‘less I’m gonna cook’em” acknowledge the orange filly, picking up an apple and taking a deep bit. “litt’l dirt never hurt no pony nohow, beside the rain cleans’em off.”

“I think I’m going to be sick...” Twilight mumbled turning even greener and lurching away from the stall

“Wait, you forgot your carrots!”

15 minutes later and almost back to her normal color, Twilight paused near the groats stall. “You do wash those with clean water before selling them?” she asked Parsnip, the yellow earth stallion standing behind the counter.

“Can’t mill’em without wetting‘em down first, too much dust otherwise.”

“5 lbs finely rolled oats then, my good sir” Twilight replied, placing down her 6 bits.

“Only gots coarse today, and its 8 bits” he barked back, flipping his green mane out of his eyes.

“I don’t want coarse, I want fine and you only ever charged my assistant 6 bits.”

“It’s 8 bits and still coarse; take it or leave, sweetcakes. ‘Less you gots something else you want to banter instead” lewdly eyeing her flank.

“Do you know who I am” fumed an irate Twilight while lighting up her horn, “I am Princess Celestia’s personal protegee!”

“Oh, excuse me my lady. 10 bits”

“10!” spat out Twi. “What happen to 8 bits!”

“Prices going up, soon it’ll be 12 bits.”

“I’ll pay the original 8 bits!” Twilight conceded.

“Done.”

“Hey Twilight, can I ask you something?” yelled Rose Bud from her flower stand across the way. After finally getting her oats, Twilight trotted over towards Rose fighting the unruly traffic once more. If every pony going the same direction just stayed to the right, it’ll make the traffic more efficient.

“What in the name of Celestia do you think you were doing over there?” Rose asked while pointing a hoof towards Parsnip’s stall as Twilight trotted up.

“Buying oats”

“From Parsnip, at his asking price?”

“He the one that kept raising it”

“Because you played the rank card on him, he assumed you’re rich so he upped his price”

“He propositioned me!”

“Grow some teats, so he made a pass at you,” Rose replied. “8 bits was meant to be refused. He expected you to answer back 3 or 4 bits for his moldy oats. He’d laugh it off and settle for the 6 bits.”

“So he cheated me!”

“Parsnip is an old-school barterer, given the chance he’ll overcharge his mother. You’re the one who agreed to pay him.”

“He should post his prices and honor them!” To Twilight the very idea she was expected to waste her time bickering of prices was preposterous.

“Says who?”

“Says who?” again asked Rose.

“I’m sure it's in the Town’s Royal Charter!”

“Ponyville doesn’t have a Royal Charter, It’s a free town. That’s way we have an elected Mayor in charge instead of a Baron or Earle, didn't you know that?” Rose replied. Twilight DID know this, but never really dwelt on it exactly what that meant before.

“So I guess I need to see the Mayor”

“She’s on vacation for the next 2 weeks.”

“WHO'S IN CHARGE?”

“Um..., no pony?”

“What do you mean, beside the ordinances for basic town functions like road maintenance or trash removal, there is no overall Town Charter or Rules at all?” asked a flabbergasted Twilight as she and her #1 assistant searched the records kept in her library.

“Ponyville never needed them apparently, town traditions and the Mayor appealing for the Golden Rule has always worked in the past” Spike replied while looking through the town records.

“That’s sheer anarchy! Ponyville is one of the fastest growing towns in all of Equestria. IT NEEDS RULES,” declared Twilight. “Look at the traffic problem, the train, the parks cover in litter and pet droppings, merchants cheating customers, selling unwashed food!”

“Spike, take a letter!” as Twilight dictated her concerns to Princess Celestia. Not long after being sent, Spike burped up a reply.

To My Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
If you think its that important, then you write a charter and a set of rules.
I hereby grant you full mayoral powers until such time as Mayor Mare returns,
or you voluntarily relinquish power.
Princess Celestia.

“Okay Spike, I have a few more messages for you.”

“What the hay are we here fer agin?” AJ asked, arriving at the library with the rest of the Elements.

“I’m not sure, darling. Something about Twilight needing us to help write rules.”

“What about left rules, do we help then too? Is it fair we only help the right ones?”

“Oh my, Pinkie. I really really think Twilight means for use to compose rules.”

“You can compost rules?”

“Only eggheads compose rules, cool ponies like me just break’em”

“Good, you’re all here” Twilight greeted her friends and lead them into the main room of the library. “Ponyville has no town charter, or set of basic rules. So Princess Celestia has tasked me to write them and I need your ideas and advice to do so.”

“I thought we were going to compost them?” asked Pinkie. “What’s a Town Chatter anyway?”

“Pinkie Pie it is charter, not chatter. A charter is a basic declaration of the rights and duties of the Town and its citizens, and I think it is a fabulous idea!”

“Sounds like a fancy way ta say yer gonna stick yer hooves in where they don’t belong.”

“Oh my, can we make Ponyville a carnivore free town, the little bunnies and squirrels would like that.”

“Wait just ta hoot now, what about Wynona? I ain’t gettin rid of her ‘cause some rabbits. She ain’t gonna eat’em anyhow.”

“Um... maybe... um... we can say Ponyville is predator free?”

“Predator free, got it.” Spike cried out while writing down the suggestion.

A little more than 13 hours later, and a draft of the proposed Charter was ready.

We the sentient beings of Ponville, in order to form a more perfect Town, establish our rights and responsibilities to each and everyone of us, provide for our common aide, promote the health and general well being and secure the blessing of Celestia on us and our prodigee, do compose and enact this Charter of the Town of Ponyville.

Basic List of Rights and Responsibilities.

I) We declare the all citizens of Ponyville the right to convene peacefully in public and to speak freely amongst themselves so long as such speech is not slanderous nor intended to cause anger or violence.

II)We recognize the rights of citizens of ponyville to maintain arms, and the right to arm themselves in times of unrest, so long as all such arms are not otherwise carried either openly or hidden upon oneself unless a member of the military, constables, or likewise exempt under Equestrian rules of law.

III) We declare the Town of Ponyville to be tolerant of all sentient beings and under universal suffrage, whether two hoofed or four. We grant them the same rights and expect the same duties as any other citizen.

IV) We declare the Town of Ponyville to be tolerant of all beliefs, and do not support or espouse any one’s belief over that of another, nor allow and discrimination or segregation based on one’s belief, unless found to be a danger to the town or violate the rights granted to all other citizens within this charter.

V) We declare all citizens of Ponyville protected against spurious or repeated charges made against them for the same offence upon which punishment has already be served or they been found innocent of. Moreover, no citizen can be compelled to render testimony against themselves or their spouse, except voluntarily, and once said testimony is given in the presence of any Town Official it can not be rescinded.

VI) We the beings of Ponyville recognise the and expose The Golden Rule; Treat all others beings as you would want them to treat you. In times of need, help regardless of reward or payment, the same as you want others will help you in return.

VII)We declare the Town of Ponyville to be a hunting free sanctuary, whereas no predators may enter unless willing to forgo hunting and/or be provided with food from outside of the immediate surroundings of Ponyville.

VIII) Moreover, we declare the Town of Ponyville to espouse to be vegan-friendly, and to require all food providers to inform the public of any non-vegetarian ingredients in their products. We also grant the right to all citizens to freely graze on public lands unless otherwise posted.

IX) We declare the Town of Ponyville to be tolerant of all sexual orientations, and recognized any marriage freely entered into between any two sentient beings regardless of race, sex, or beliefs.

X) We recognize the rights of property owners to have their own rules and regulations upon their own lands and structures within the environs of Ponyville, as long as such rules do not abridge the rights granted to all citizens within this charter.

Sign this Date, the 40th Day of Spring in the 1002 Year of Celestia’s Reign.

Baroness Lady Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot, Element of Magic.
Acting Mayor of Ponyville.
Apple Jacklyn Smith, Element of Honesty.
Pinkamena Diane Pie, Party Pony and Element of Laughter.
Rarity Jem Belle, Element of Generosity.
Rainbow Dashielle Bright. Element of Loyalty and Coolness!
Lady Flutter Shylie of Cloudsdale, Element of Kindness

Delivered and Countersigned.

Princess Celestia Solaria of Equestria

Princess Luna Selenia of Equestria

The Colorful Sunrise

Luna stopped and stared at the log cabin that Celestia was taking her into. The trees around the cabin moved, but they didn't make any noise. The only sound that Luna could hear was the creaking of the wooden steps that Celestia was climbing. Going up the steps, Luna followed after her.

A large wooden door was moved to the side using magic, and they entered. Scanning the room, Luna noticed several very strange things. The distance from the door to the back wall was only five or six hoofs away, barely enough room for them to both fit in, and the back wall was decorated with ice skates, which Luna took a moment to examine.

Luna couldn't help but wonder what they were doing there. She turned to her left and looked at her sister, but Celestia’s back was turned, and all Luna could see was her flowing mane. She opened her mouth to ask her sister, but it wasn't necessary. Celestia faced her, revealing very serious purple eyes. “You don't understand,” Celestia said “this is serious.”

Celestia stepped to the side, revealing a mare from behind her. Luna cringed. Tall white ovals had taken the place of the mare’s eyes, and the pupils were solid black. A grin overtook the corners of her face, revealing sharp triangle shaped teeth. Her hair was straight and all black; it fell into her eyes a little and concealed the corners of her grin; all of this was surrounded by a purple coat.

Luna and the pony stared at each other for what felt like hours as she captured all of the details of this pony's face. What is that? Luna asked herself without breaking eye contact; she didn't dare look at Celestia. Luna clenched her teeth and tightened her brow, and she could hear the soft sound of ringing slowly raising in her ears. The creature moved, and Luna shot out all four hoofs to protect herself.

Luna lay in bed with all of her hoofs thrust into the air. Her heart still pounding, and the terror still real. She remained in a catatonic state for thirty or so seconds while picturing the pony's face in her mind. Finally the light from midday had begun to blur her focus as she realized that she was safe. She let out a long sigh and let herself collapse on the bed. Why was that even scary? Luna asked herself while thinking of all the terrible demons she had faced in the past.

Luna got out of bed and walked out to the balcony. Luna loved this time of day. The breeze tickled her nose as the heat from the sun warmed her navy blue coat. Canterlot children could be heard playing in the courtyard. Luna relaxed her shoulders and gazed into the open blue sky, letting herself be at peace with her sister's creation.

The peaceful scene was entirely different from the week before, when the changelings had attacked. All of the damage had been repaired already, and the streets now sparkled. It was an easy task for the unicorn builders guild; though it cost the city of Canterlot quite a lot of money, it needed to be done for the wedding.

Luna closed her eyes and rested her chin on the edge of the balcony as she drifted into a pleasant day dream. She felt peaceful, until she felt something hard hit the long of her back. She looked up, annoyed, to see what had hit her. On the ground, a multi-colored egg laid at Luna's hoofs. She examined it and picked it up using her magic. In large letters, the egg said “Cream egg”, with “Canterbury” written above that. A chocolate egg? Luna thought as she looked above her for the egg's origin, but Luna saw nothing, except for some birds.

A crowed had formed outside by the courtyard, and Luna wanted to see what all of the noise was about. As she walked into the crowd, the Canterlot citizens moved aside for her. Luna could see her sister's head popped out above the crowd of ponies, and she called to her, “Tia!”

Celestia made a motion for Luna to come join her. “Luna, come here and see this beautiful foal that the Seeds have just had.”

The young earthpony was wrapped in a blanket with his front legs sticking out, they were pawing at Celestia when Luna walked up. Luna looked at the child and faked a little smile. “He's beautiful,” she said, and both Mr. and Mrs. Seeds gave her a smile of approval. “I'm sure when he grows up he'll be a great member of the Canterlot Royal Guard.” The Seeds looked at each other and let out a little laugh.

“Thank you, your highness,” Mr. Seeds replied.

“No, thank you for showing him to us,” Celestia assured them. “He has a wonderful life ahead of him, and he's sure to do many great things.”

Luna never really understood Celestia's fascination with children. Throughout her life, Luna had seen thousands of foal born, grow old, and die. Villains died; legends died; and even friends died. Everything will be lost to the sands of time, and while some of the memories were worth keeping, children rarely said or did anything worth remembering, yet Celestia loved them, perhaps more than her older subjects.

Later that night, in Celestia's chamber, Luna discussed with her sister that very subject. “Sister, why doth thou waste thy time with...” Luna realized that she had slipped into the olden tongue again (a habit she was trying to break). “I mean, why do you waste your time with children?” Her voice sounded much colder and more accusing than she wanted it to, but Celestia seemed to shake it off.

“Hope,” was Celestia's one word answer.

“Hope?” It was a word that Luna had not heard for a very very long time. While on the moon, she had given up on hope, and the nation of Equestria was so peaceful that the concept of hope was almost unnecessary.

“I hope they're happy,” Celestia added as she walked towards the balcony. “Everyone should be able to be happy and live the way they want to live, and children do it better than anyone.” Luna saw her looking deeply into the night sky. Her chin was up, and her mouth was shut. Luna couldn't tell if she was thinking or frowning.

Luna joined her on the balcony. She wasn't too interested in the topic of hope and children, so she decided to comment on something else, “The stars look exceptionally bright tonight, don't they Tia? And look at how they tinkle. It's almost unreal; in fact, I don’t ever remember seeing them so clearly from inside the city.” As she said that, she could see her sister's eyes move closer together as she inhaled.

Celestia exhaled and said, “Mm, yes.” Again, Luna was unsure of her sister's feelings, but she assumed she was deep in thought. The two trod in silence for several moments while Luna tried to think of some way to change the topic.

Finally, Luna came up with one. “Tia, do you know what happened to me today?” she said in a more cheerful tone, “A Canterbury egg fell onto me while I was on the balcony, and when I looked up, I didn't see anything, except a few birds. Isn't that strange?”

Celestia's expression broke into a smile, and she laughed. “Why is it strange for ponies to throw food at you?”

“Thou is cruel!”

Celestia laughed some more. “Oh, I don't know. I might like it if somepony threw food at me, instead of hoof-feeding me all of the time.” The sisters laughed together, and Luna was glad that the tension had broken. “Thanks, little sister.” Celestia said with a smile. “But I think I need to go to bed now. I've got to get up early for the sun rise.”

Luna agreed and left Celestia's chamber. It must be so hard for her to raise the sun every morning, Luna thought as she returned to her chamber. The moon doesn't do much. I don't have to put it down if I don't want to. Luna thought about what would happen if there was no sun... It chilled her.

When she returned to her chamber, she went out onto the balcony again to do some star gazing. It was her favorite thing to do when the other ponies were asleep, but something else caught her eye. A new, fully grown, apple tree was standing in the middle of the court yard. Luna flew down to investigate, and when she got there, she noticed that the surrounding earth had been pushed up and away from its trunk, like the tree had shot out of the ground. This is strange, Luna thought to herself as she reached up to pick a fruit, but she stopped as soon as she touched it. A sticky substance rubbed off onto her hoof, and she pulled away for examination. She smelled it, then she licked it. Sugar?

Luna flew up close to one of the branches and tried to examine the apples more closely in the moon light. They looked red, but that wasn't the apple’s skin. No, they looked like green apples that had been dipped in something red. Luna took a bite. A candy apple tree?

Luna's hoofs shot into the air as she jolted awake from the exact same dream she had the night before. “Why is that so scary?” she said aloud.

“Luna, what's the matter?” she looked up to see that Celestia was standing directly over her.

“Tia, what are you doing her?”

“I could ask you the same question. Did you sleep there?”

Luna's eyebrows tightened as she replayed her sister's words in her head and tried to figure out what she meant. Did I sleep here? She looked around and saw that she had slept in the courtyard all night long.

“I just raised the sun, and then I found you here,” Celestia said while staring at the apple tree. “So what was so scary?”

Luna didn't feel like answering her because she was still so tired, but something was bugging her about that dream, so she decided to explain. While she did, her sister's eyes kept drifting to the apple tree, and the bags under Celestia's eyes were noticeable to Luna for the first time ever.

“...and then I wake up with my hoofs in the air, and this is the second night in a row that I have had this dream,” Luna explained. She could see that her sister had the same expression from the night before – deep in thought and frowning – as she looked up at the candy apples.

“I had a nightmare, too.”

“Oh, about what?”

“I was standing outside of a burning building, looking through the window, and I could see the foal from yesterday. I wanted to help him, but I couldn't move. I had to watch him burn.” Luna tried to imagine herself in that situation; watching a baby burn; powerless to do anything against it. “Imagine how the Seeds would feel.” Celestia added with a tear forming in her eye as she continued looking at the apple tree.

Luna got up and sat beside her, ignoring the apple tree. “But you wouldn't let that happen, Tia. Don't let it bother you.” She had given up trying to imagine the scene in her head because the realness of the situation had hit her. The Princess of Equestria never acted this way. Luna knew she was talking with her sister. The two sat in silence, watching the sun rise, together.

Luna woke up in the courtyard again at roughly noon. I must have fallen asleep when I was with Tia, she thought to herself. The summer air was so warm and comfortable that she felt like going back to sleep. She rolled over and admired Celestia's work again. The sky was blue and filled with fluffy clouds. The pegasus will really enjoy it today, she said to herself. In fact, that looks like fun! She got up quickly, with the intention to fly, when suddenly hundreds of birds flew out of the apple tree, startling Luna, and making flight temporarily impossible.

As they flew, Luna could see that they were all different colors and types. There were many species that Luna had never seen before, not even in the royal garden, and as they flew, Canterbury eggs fell to the ground like a chocolate egg rain storm. Luna had to shield herself from their assault.

What in the name of... Luna stopped her line of thought. She had a slight problem with using her sister's name in that manner, but she had been hearing it so often that it almost slipped into her inner monologue. She used her wings to shield herself. Then she got up to examine the eggs, but a herd of bunnies snatched them before she had the chance.

“A letter for you, ma'am,” a member of the royal guard said from behind her. Luna froze and her ears perked up. Then she swallowed and composed herself. She took the letter with her magic, said “thank you”, and began reading it.

“Dear Princess Celestia,
This is Spike. I am really worryed about Twilight. She has not been to bed since the wedding and I dont think it is because of my bachelor party. And it keeps raining sweet stuff here. And thats not all. Weird stuff is happening all over Ponyville. Can you maybe help Twilight out? And all of her friends to? I think she really needs your help.

Thanks. Spike.”

“This isn't for me,” Luna informed the guard.

“It’s on the back, ma'am.The princess wrote something on there for you.” Luna turned it over and read the back.

“Luna, I'm sure that you have begun to notice all of the strange happenings around the castle lately. Could you please meet with Twilight Sparkle, her friends, and I? I have arranged for them to meet us at dusk. The matter is very important, and I would like you to meet me beforehoof to discuss something very important. Please meet me in my chamber at approximately seven. Thank you, Luna.

Despite the seriousness of the tone, Luna couldn't help but feel happy. She had started to worry that her position was just a formality, something that her sister gave to her because of family ties. She grinned slightly and used her royal Canterlot voice, “We thank thee, soldier!”

“You're welcome, ma'am.” Then he flew away with exceptional speed, perhaps too exceptional for a royal guard.

As Luna entered Celestia's chamber, she could see her sister laying on her bed. The royal doctor was standing next to her. Both of them looked up at her, like she was interrupting, and the doctor turned to her. “I'll leave you two alone,” he said. His eyes never looked up as he left the room, even though Luna was looking at him the entire time.

“Luna, please come in,” Celestia said; her voice was noticeably softer than usual. “Has anyone given you a chocolate egg today?” she joked and smiled.

“Well, yes, actually,” Luna said, sounding concerned. She didn't want it to sound that way, and she cringed a little after hearing it, but her sister just gave her a warm smile. She was as regal as ever. Her smile could inspire an earthpony to fly.

“Can you please sit down with me?” Luna walked over to her and climbed onto her bed.

“What is it, Tia?” This time she made sure she sounded more cheerful and less concerned.

Celestia looked at her - the bags in her eyes had grown - and Luna could see her warm smile break as she began to speak, “I'm not sure how to say this, Luna, but you need to know.” Luna saw her sister look away from her, towards the orange sky that could be seen from the balcony. She paused for an unusually long time and took several deep breaths. “Luna, I'm dying,” she finally said.

Luna's eyes opened wide, and she breathed in deep through her nose. She stared at her intensely, without blinking. She can't die.

Celestia closed her eyes and looked at Luna, her brilliant smile had changed. It was still a smile, but it was more understanding, more sympathetic. “It'll be okay,” she said. Luna's breathing got faster as her vision started to blur from the tears.

“No,” Luna sniffled and let out a weak laugh, “It's not true, right?”

“Luna...”

“But you look fine!” It had been so long since a fellow alicorn had died that Luna forgot they could.

“Luna,” Celestia raised her voice, and Luna looked Celestia's serious face. She didn't want to speak anymore, a lump was starting to form in her throat. “It's true Luna. I've been having troubles for a while now. It's why I couldn't stop Discord, and it's why I lost to the changeling queen. And these last few days...” Celestia looked over at a pile of canterbury eggs that were sitting on a nightstand. “I haven't been able to maintain order.”

Luna knew what she was talking about, and it all started to make sense. The world of Equestria was built with magic, and that magic gravitated towards the most powerful beings, thus giving that being more magic - magic with the ability to influence the world. Celestia had been the most powerful being in Equestria for a very long time, but now, as her powers dwindled, she had become one of many powerful magic users, and the order of the land was starting to shift.

“You understand what I am talking about, don't you?” Luna nodded and swallowed hard. “So far, you are the only one who knows about this. I wanted to tell you first.” As much as Luna liked the gesture, it didn't improve her mood any. “I'll tell Twilight and her friends later tonight.”

“You need to stop thinking about other ponies and start thinking about yourself, Tia.” Celestia came over to the bed and hugged her.

“Thanks,” Celestia said with a sigh.

The two sisters walked into the painted glass hallway, where the elements of harmony were kept. To their surprise, they found a hyperactive Rainbow Dash bouncing off of the walls, instead of waiting for them.

“Hey princesses!” she screamed form the ceiling. “Watch this!” She suddenly said from behind them. Then the two sisters heard three loud bangs from outside, and Rainbow was no where to be found. The doors started to whip back and forth wildly, and bright colors shined from outside.

The two sisters rushed to the door to see what the noise was, and floating in the sky were three rainbow colored circles, all joined by a trail of rainbow. Rainbow Dash was standing in front of them all of a sudden, “Isn't it cool?” she asked. “I'm sure to get onto the Wonderbolts now!”

“Um, Rainbow Dash?” Celestia asked. “Where are your friends?”

“What, when, who? Oh, um, they're coming.” Rainbow Dash held her hoof up to her ear. “Am I dreaming, or is that a roaring crowd?” Rainbow Dash was right, although the crowd wasn't for her. They were following Rarity and the rest of her friends. Every fashion designer in town was chasing after Rarity for something, and they were destroying everything in their path. Rarity waved to them all as they cased her flying chariot.

“Rarity! You must attend my wine and cheese tasting event this evening!”

“Oh that sounds lovely!” Rarity replied.

“Oh! Rarity! Who are you wearing?”

“Why, I'm wearing me, of course!”

“Rarity, marry me!” Prince Blue Blood shouted.

Rarity rolled her eyes then she threw her chin into the air. “Hump!”

The chariot landed, and the crowd stampeded towards them as they made a break for the door. “Oh man! You mean that crowd was for you?” Rainbow Dash said with disappointment.

“But of course.” Rarity stopped to say, but then she looked behind her at the elated mob, and she ran inside quickly. Rainbow Dash took a moment to stick her tongue out at the Rarity and the mod before flying inside and slamming the door tight.

Twilight and Applejack grabbed anything they could to barricade the door, but the mod kept pushing. “Pinkie, get over here!” Applejack shouted, and all six ponies held themselves against the door while looking at the two princesses.

“We're here!” Twilight shouted. The two sisters looked at her as the doors shook.

“Let's just give them Rarity!” Pinkie shouted. “That's all they want!”

“Hay!” Applejack shouted at her.

“I agree with Pinkie,” Fluttershy said.

“You too?”

“Sorry...”

The door pounded once really hard, and they all shook. Rainbow Dash pushed against the door as hard as she could; she flapped her wings to give her some extra force. “Man, these guys are worse than the changelings!”

“Oh, I don't think they're so bad.” Rarity said.

Applejack's hoof met her face. “That's it. I'm with ya. Rarity, you're outta here.”

“Wait!” Twilight shouted. “I've got a better idea!” Her horn started to glow, and suddenly each pony in the room heard a loud “poof”. The door burst open, but Rarity and the other ponies were nowhere to be found.

Luna was suddenly in a dark room. She used her magic to illuminate the area, and she was greeted with images of herself. The room she was in had mirrors all over the walls, but aside from the images of herself, she was all alone. “Hello?” she called out. “Twilight?”

“Yes?” Suddenly a large image of Twilight appeared on all of the mirrors. “Did you want something, princess?”

“Twilight, thank goodness you are here.” Twilight snickered. “Um, where is 'here' exactly?”

“Oh, these are the caves that Cadance sent me to. I used my magic to teleport everypony here.”

“Interesting choice. Well, how do we get out of here?”

“Well,” Twilight closed her eyes and grinned, “I used the exist.”

“And where is that?”

Twilight opened and narrowed her eyes. “Wouldn't you like to know?”

Luna's ears went back and her eyebrows tightened. “Where is Tia?” she shouted.

“Tia, Tia, Tia. Tia can wait.”

Luna's eyes began to glow as she readied her horn for magic, “You're a changeling, aren't you?”

“Ouch. That hurts, Loony.”

Luna instantly understood the situation.

“You haven't forgotten me, have you, Loony?” The image of Twilight Sparkle changed. Her hair turned all black, and her eyes widened into tall ovals filled with large black pupils. Her mouth began to grin larger than her face, and as her mouth opened, it revealed sharp teeth. “Ha. Ha. Ha! You forgot about me, didn't you? Well, I haven't forgotten about you!”

“Release Twilight Sparkle you evil fiend!” Luna said as she exploded all of the mirrors around her, revealing the real Twilight Sparkle along with all of her friends.

“Twilight?” Applejack said, “What's going on?”

“Yeah, Twilight,” Rainbow added, “why did you bring us here? It's like a dungeon.”

“It's dirty,” Rarity said.

“And scary,” Fluttershy added.

“And filled with these delicious eggs!” Pinkie Pie was eating some Canterbury eggs she had found.

“Oh, hi guys.” Twilight's face was suddenly normal again.

“Stay away from her!” Luna shouted. “She's Nightmare!”

“Huh? What the hay are ya'll talking about, Princess Luna?” Applejack scratched her head and walked towards Twilight.

“No!”

“It's okay princess.”

“Applejack,” Twilight smiled at her and Applejack returned the favor, “the element of honesty.”

“Huh? Yeah...” Applejack looked over at Luna and said, “See, it's all right.” Twilight suddenly changed back and bucked Applejack in the ribs and sent her flying across the room. “Ow,” Applejack said in pain. “Twilight, what the hay is wrong with you?”

Twilight laughed. “You're all about to see a new age; an age of order! An age of prosperity!”

Pinkie shouted, “Oh my gosh! Luna was right! She is Nightmare Moon!” Applejack and Rainbow Dash both face hoofed.

“Uh, no sweet. She's Twilight Sparkle with Nightmare inside of her,” Rarity said.

“Oh!” Pinkie said with understanding. “She's Nightmare Sparkle!” Rainbow Dash fell over laughing.

The demon shot a purple beam at Pinkie, but Princess Celestia jumped in front of the beam. “Tia!” Luna shouted, then she turned her attention back towards Twilight and snarled. Her horn glowed, and she shot a magic beam, but Twilight was gone.

A voice came from behind her, “You missed me, Loony.” A magical beam shot from Twilight's horn that sent Luna flying into the air. She hit the ground with a loud thud. “Ha! You guys are pathetic. Especially you!” Twilight shouted as she pointed to Celestia. “Let's see how you like it being locked up for a thousand years!” The mirrors returned as Twilight vanished.

“No you don't!” Luna shouted. She tried the same trick as before, but it didn't work. The mirrors weren't budging this time. They must be stronger than before. She charged a large amount of magic in her horn and fired it at the mirrors. Nothing.

“Well, it looks like we're trapped for a thousand years,” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“I guess I wont be making that wine and cheese tasting party then, will I?” Rarity said.

“Oh...” Princess Celestia said in pain.

“Tia!” Luna ran to her side, “Are you alright?”

Celestia looked up and smiled faintly. “I saved the baby, little sister.”

“Shhh, just relax Tia. We'll get you out of here.” Celestia closed her eyes and passed out.

“Yeah, princess get up,” Applejack said, “We're ganna need ya to get out of this place.”

“She can't help us, Applejack.”

“What? Why not? She's the princess, ain't she? Can't she just zap us out or something?”

Luna wasn't sure how to break it to the overly confident ponies. She looked at each of them, their faces smiling brightly, then she sat down and stroked Celestia's mane. She had always admired her sister's mane. Most ponies liked hers more, but Luna preferred her sisters'.

This isn't how Tia should die, locked away in a dungeon where no pony can see her. This isn't fair.

“Princess? Are ya'll okay?”

“No. Nothing is okay.” Luna didn't feel like explaining. She just lay next to Celestia and cried.

“Cheer up, princess,” Rarity said. “Trust me, I know what you're feeling right now, but everything will be okay. When the going gets rough, the fabulous get going!”

“How can you all be so calm?” Rainbow Dash said. “We're stuck in a tiny room with no flying space and no food. The princess looks badly injured, and the only other magic-user here couldn't get us out.”

“Ahem!” Rarity said.

“Like I said, the only other magic-user here couldn't get us out.”

“Hump!”

“Ah, did some pony say magic?” Pinkie asked as she pulled out a blue chest encrusted with jewels.

“Oh! Pinkie! Please tell me that is what I think it is,” Rarity screamed.

“Yup! They're the elements of harmony! I thought they might come in handy, so I snatched them from that room earlier.”

“Oh... yes. The elements.”

“Good job, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash shouted, and Pinkie smiled at the sound of it, “but you're forgetting one thing-Twilight was the element of magic! How are we ganna use them without her?”

“Oh, I'm sure Luna could help.” Pinkie bounced over to Luna. “What do you say, Moony? Want to be the element of magic?”

Luna stood up and looked at the blissful pink earthpony with fierce eyes, full of tears and rage. “Absolutely!” Luna whipped her head to remove her black tiara, and, using her magic, she floated the new one into place.

“Aw, yeah!” Rainbow Dash shouted as the six ponies got into position. “Let's do this!” But nothing happened. Luna's ears fell, and she took off her tiara to examine what went wrong.

“Aw, pony feathers!” Pinkie shouted. “I thought that was ganna work!”

“I told you so!” Rainbow Dash reminded her.

“No way! You were all like, 'Aw, yeah!' and, 'Let's do this!' You totally thought it was ganna work too!”

“Oh yeah? You wanna make something of it, chump?”

“Well I don't have anything better to do for the next one thousand years!” Rainbow Dash flew at Pinkie, but Applejack quickly grabbed her tail.

Suddenly a strong wind began to swirl around the room, and all of the ponies had to brace themselves to keep from being blown over. The only calm area was the center of the room, where Celestia and Luna lay. The sound was so loud that Luna had to cover her ears.

Celestia opened her eyes and reached a hoof up to Luna’s ear, and the noise suddenly stopped as her sister whispered in a very clear voice, “He’s still burning… but it’s alright.” Luna didn’t understand. She wanted to ask what she meant, but the noise from the wind had returned.

Luna held tightly onto her sister. “It’s going to be alright!” Luna shouted. They looked into each other’s eyes, and Luna saw her sister’s face glow.

The wind suddenly came to a complete stop. “I know,” Celestia said. Then she exploded into thousands of balls of light. They swirled around Luna as she sat there. They felt as warm as one of her sister’s afternoon days. She closed her eyes and imagined that sunrise hey shared. “I love you Luna.”

Twilight Sparkle stood on the balcony above the courtyard. Below her were the makings of her new army; one hundred pegasus Royal Guard ponies were lined up in ten rows of ten. Their eyes glowed purple. Twilight saluted them, and they all saluted her back in unison.

Then a letter fell from the sky and landed at her feet. She picked it up and saw the royal seal. “Don’t open that,” Nightmare warned her from inside of her head.

“Ha! Why? She can’t do anything. I made sure of it. Not even the princesses could break that spell.”

“I don’t trust her. She’s clever.” Twilight could feel her moving from behind her eyes. She shifted back and forth, and her voice was louder in either one ear or the other.

“I made that spell so that only letters could be sent back and forth. I didn’t think she’d figure it out so quickly, but it’s not like she can do anything.”

“Still!” Nightmare screamed as she pressed her face against the back of Twilight’s eyes, transforming Twilight’s eyes from their cute shape into large ovals. “Do you want order, or not?”

Twilight did. As soon as she realized that she was influencing the world, she had started to plan how to make the world better. She didn’t sleep or eat while she tried to figure out how the magic worked, but she wasn’t getting the hang of it.

“I’m the only one who can make that happen for you, Twilight.”

Twilight opened the letter. “What good is order if a single letter can destroy it?” She read, and as she did, Nightmare screamed at her, but the enchanted letter blocked out all noise.

My Dear Faithful Student,

By the time you read this, I will be dead. I do not want you to be sad though, Twilight. I have lived a very long and wonderful life, and these last years with you have been particularly special. I watched you grow up from a young filly, and no other pony has ever made me so proud. You studied harder than anyone, and you have made such wonderful friends. You give me hope for the future. I know tomorrow will always come so long as there are ponies like you to guide it, and that is why I have chosen you, Twilight Sparkle, as my successor. Just look to the east and hope for a new beginning.

Your loving teacher,
—Princess Celestia

A single tear rolled down Twilight’s cheek as she looked to the east. She closed her eyes and tried to think of what to hope for. Nightmare screamed, but the enchantment was still in place. Twilight thought of her goal of order, but it felt oddly unimportant in that moment. So she searched for another thought. She thought of the dress that Rarity had made for her, the one for the grand galloping galla. She worked so hard on that, and she wants to be famous so badly. Her mind became flooded with all of her friend’s hopes and dreams: Rainbow Dash wants to be a Wonderbolt. Rarity wants to be a fashion designer. Fluttershy wants to help animals, and Pinkie wants to party! They all seemed so much more important to her. And they can’ do it if…

“You!” Twilight teleported three feet forward, but she left the squiggly black spirit floating behind her. “You tricked me! And you hurt my friends!” Twilight fired a beam at the black shadow spirit and launched it into the sky over the courtyard.

“No!” Nightmare shouted as the sun broke over the horizon. It destroyed her.

Twilight let her friends out of the cage and told them all what had happened. She also said sorry, and her friends all accepted her apology, of course.

“So you mean it's not good to make chocolate rain clouds?” Pinkie Pie asked, “That doesn't make sense, Applejack. Explain this to me again.”

Applejack's face met her hoof. “If it's rainin' chocolate milk all the time the apple trees are ganna die.”

“But who needs apple trees when you have chocolate rain clouds, silly?”

“Alright, that's it. Fluttershy, you're on.”

“Okay.” Fluttershy made a yelling motion, but no sound was made. Then, suddenly, a flock of birds swarmed around the cotton candy rain cloud.

“No! Shoo! Go away! It's my rain cloud!” Pinkie screamed, and they all laughed.

Playtime

“I must admit, dear sister, you have fought valiantly. It is truly a shame it had to come to this.”

Princess Luna towered over Celestia, smirking with an unabashed, gleeful malice. She held her head high and spread her wings in further mockery. Her strut was slow and paced, allowing her to relish in every single solitary moment of this long-awaited moment. For this day, was a monumental one indeed. Her sister's reign was finally coming to an end.

All the plots and schemes she had conjured up over the years suddenly felt meaningless and mundane, compared to the stroke of luck that ended up ensuring Celestia's downfall. Luna could never erase her mocking smirk from her mind's eye, coupled always with those pathetic words of comfort, that always felt like an extra stab in the wound. Not that it mattered now. The last sliver of sunlight was soon to fade as well, only to be replaced by her glorious night, signaling the beginning of a new Lunar Age. Only one thing was left standing in her way: the whimpering wreck of once-proud alicorn.

“Please...Luna, you must have some semblance of mercy left in you,” Celestia said, her voice trembling. She could barely even look at her without the icy hoof of dread stampeding over her heart. “After all, are we not sisters?” she pleaded.

“Indeed we are.” She leaned down ever so slightly, putting herself close to eye-level with her huddling sister. “However, you have long played out your last chance at mercy.”

Her words made the alicorn whimper once more and retreat a little. They both knew, however, that there was no escape this time around. The centuries-long wrath of her younger sister was soon to be unleashed, surely spelling Celestia's doom. She had no one to turn to, nowhere to go and nothing to defend herself with. Her sister was holding all the cards and each of them promised a fate quite possibly worse than death.

I only wish Twilight Sparkle were here as well, to bear witness to the defeat of her beloved mentor,” Luna said, breaking out in a fit of self-gratifying giggles once more. The taste of victory was inebriating. She raised her head and a brilliant glimmer enveloped her horn, as she summoned her magic. “And now, Celestia, it's time I crushed you, like the pest you are!”

Luna smirked and pulled up the enchanted sliver of paper she'd been holding onto until now, reading it with a bright sense of amusement and satisfaction.

“Let's see...'Oh no, it's a Black Hole! Your star-pony struggles against it, but can't fly away fast enough! You must return to...the starting position...and...every other player gets an extra turn'!?”

The princess felt her legs give out from under her. She slumped to the ground, her spirit crushed. Her chin was hanging loose and the disbelief on her face was almost palpable. At the same time, Celestia switched the roles and rose high above her disheartened sister. Her smile was soothing, yet darkly satisfied at the same time.

“Aww and you were so close, too!” she teased, her words like a million icy javelins. “But cheer up, little sister, I'm sure you'll beat me someday.”

She saw the anger flashing in Luna's eyes and the blue flare of her horn igniting once more. Celestia immediately knew shouldn't have taunted her like that and closed her eyes, bracing for impact. The loud sound of cardboard ripping echoed through the chamber. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the lavishly painted image of a pony filly with a bowl over her head, keenly examining a small, inexplicably smiling star. She raised her hoof and pushed the gaming board aside to regain her vision at least.

“The card cheated! The game cheated!” Luna was growling and flaying around with her front hooves, as if she were trying to shoo away a cloud of flies. “You cheated!”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Celestia said, trying her best at damage control. “It was just an unlucky draw, it can happen to anypony.”

“Four times in just one day?” she said, fuming.

“I'm just having a lucky streak.” Celestia's horn started glowing, as she attempted to dislodge it from the ruined game board.

“No, you are not just 'having a lucky streak.'” Luna glared at her, her wings fluttering rapidly in futile anger, lifting her a couple of inches into the air. “You are manipulating this game. I have no idea how, but I swear this has your hoof in it.”

“Lulu, we have already been through this,” she sighed and gently put the board down again. “We have taken turns in shuffling the cards and you have personally examined the dice about five times already. I simply cannot cheat.” Celestia shook her head and smiled in the most gentle and loving manner in existence.

She continued to smile even as she saw Luna's eyes sharpen and her front hooves twitch.

Buckler was feeling quite good about himself right now. A promotion was well on its way and his current patrol route was nice and quiet, just as he liked it. Normally, he disliked night shifts, but this day had been good enough that not even this could quell his euphoria. Not to mention that as long as there was some chance he could come across that cute mare in the observatory, Cloudy Scope, it was worth it.

For now though, he just continued along his patrol route. His armor was repaired just recently, ridding him of the constant pain the slight dent on his flank had been causing him. With even that obstacle out of the way, he hardly had more concerns than to just follow along the trail of the smooth carpet and resist the childish urge to play hopscotch along the rectangular shapes adorning it.

A thunderous noise echoed across the hallway all of a sudden, followed by the sound of hoofsteps heading steadily his way. His first instinct was to reach for his trusty sword and rush to meet whatever intruder this may have been. He even adjusted his helmet to add to his stern appearance. In just a few moments though, he put two and two together. His patrol route, the time and even the pattern of the steps all clicked together.

Oh no...

Without a second to waste, Buckler took a look around, checking for any possible escape route. The closest door led straight into the treasury and though he did consider himself a national asset, the rest of the guards would have voiced their disapproval. He also would have had to trade in his chance at a promotion, for several days in the stockade.

The other possibility was no less scary though. Having to face Princess Luna while she was in the middle of a temper tantrum, was something even his wisest superiors considered a safety hazard. Guards patrolling past her bedchambers regularly received an unofficial safety grant and those who managed to catch a glimpse of her fury, told tales that regularly frightened even the most hard-boiled tavern rats.

With no other way out, Buckler made a wish and steadied his stance, walking straight towards the creeping darkness at the far end of the hallway. He was trembling so much his armor was rattling along with, but he pressed on nonetheless. Princess Luna was soon became clearly visible and just as irritated as her steps suggested. He sucked his breath in and continued, counting down the seconds till impact.

I'll need a drink after this.

Soon, he was but a few inches from the princess, who still had a look on her face that could have made any object explode on spot. As per protocol, he stopped and lowered his head, letting her pass by him. Every single inch felt like he was being dragged towards the edge of Tartarus, every second agonizing and testing the limits of his resolve. Very little prevented him from just bolting off, like a cowardly mouse.

Screw that, I'm gonna drink till I can't find my own horn.

Her spread wings passed over his head, the way they blocked all light for just a second truly bringing him far too close to a mental breakdown. Buckler managed to hold on though and as she finally passed by, he very slowly let his breath seep through his set teeth, trembling all over. He had done it. He was officially the bravest stallion in Equestria and nopony could ever take this glory from him.

“Guardspony, there is something I wish to ask of you.”

Ponyfeathers.

Albeit with the weight of a full battalion on his shoulders, he turned around to face her. She folded her wings back, which was indeed a good sign, although her scowl was decidedly less promising.

“Have you ever heard of the game 'Galaxy Gallop'?” she asked, her voice as serious as if they were discussing politics and the likes.

Buckler was baffled, to say the least. He expected a number of questions, most of them centered around whatever she may have found confusing, compared to a thousand years ago, but never one about a foal's board game. Nonetheless, it would have been very unwise to try and bring this fact to her.

“Yes, Your Highness.” he said. He had to admit that despite all the horror stories, she was definitely not a sight for sore eyes.

“Do you like playing it?”

The guard raised a brow, thankfully hidden by the design of his helmet. Galaxy Gallop was a fun little board game, but he was long past the age of caring about something like that.

“I...haven't played it for a while now, but I remember it being fun.” he said, choosing to go with the most diplomatic answer he could possibly think of.

“What's the easiest way to win, if you start from the Moon?”

“The Moon? Why would you ever want to start there?” he asked. Every child knew that out of the two starting position, the Moon was designed to trap and punish unfamiliar players. “It's impossible, you'd never?”

The unicorn never even got to the end of the sentence and already he felt like biting his own head off. Her shoulder fell and he could clearly see the sadness in those beautiful eyes. Princess of the Night, Princess Luna, of course she would have wanted to start from there!

“Er, what I meant is,” he said, coughing lightly to cover up his mishap, “players who start from the Moon are handicapped. There are more traps and pitfalls along that way and since they have to pick Anomaly Cards more often, there's a much bigger chance of drawing the worst cards.” Buckler never thought his knowledge of a board game would score him points with one of the Royal Sisters.

“How is one to win this game, then? Its difficulty is quite staggering.” Her adorable confusion was on par with Cloudy Scope's, whenever he tried to ask her out.

“Basically, you would want to avoid starting from the Moon.” he said. He pointed at the rectangular shapes on the carpet and started drawing up a makeshift plan. “Try to gain some early momentum with comets, but don't even try gambling at the Nebula; it's too risky and for little gain. Avoid the asteroids and try to trap your opponents in hostile clusters. Do that and you're sure to win!”

“Brilliant!” Luna dropped her regal demeanor for a seconds to clap in delight, before composing herself again. “Your advice will surely give us an edge over everypony, noble guard. I will most certainly put in good word for you.”

Buckler's smile ran from ear to ear, as he bowed before her once more. “Thank you, Princess. I'm glad I could help.”

“You have done so much more than that.” she assured and turning around to head back and challenge Celestia to another game, feeling confident she would win for once. “Everypony, even my sister will tremble before the Princess of the Galaxy Gallop!”

“I'm sure she'll be surprised, when you beat her.” Buckler added, gleefully resuming his patrol route. “After all, she did design that game.”

In an instant, Luna's fluttering skips came to a screeching halt. “What?”

“Surely, you knew that your sister created the game, right?” he asked, although her reaction seemed to show that she had not been made aware of this fact.

“Is that so?” she said. In just a single sentence, her voice shifted from bubbly, to menacing and slow. A white glow began emanate from her eyes and even Buckler could see raw power crackling through her hooves and coat. “Well then, I think Celestia and I shall be playing a different game, first.”

This is not happening. Please, in the name of every ancestor of mine, please don't let this be happening!

Luna turned away from him and started walking, every single step she made burning holes into the carpet. She approached the room she had left before and simply tore the door right off the hinges, much to Buckler's chagrin. He ha no idea what the two may have discussed, but as the first bookcase flew into the hallway, he did know one thing.

He was going to need some backup.

Twilight looked around the mostly empty room, focusing on the two alicorns next to her, both eying each other with the kind of familiarity a hawk would have had towards a rabbit. If it weren't for magic, both of them would have still shown their battle scars from the day before. The event was already immortalized by tavern regulars as the 'Couch War', named after the weapons both of them had wielded, once everything else was swiftly or forcibly moved out of the room.

Luckily, Celestia's student just happened to be in town that day and was immediately called upon to try and mend things between the regal sisters. Taking cues from a handy little psychology book she'd been reading, she managed to calm both of them down and even got them to speak to each other, though only under her supervision.

Once the damage reports of that meeting rolled in as well, Twilight decided to take a different approach and address the root of the problem: the game itself.

“Alright, so let's get started!” she announced, levitating a scroll and a quill to herself. “To avoid any further incidents, I thought it'd be best if we redesigned the entire game, so no one will feel hurt about it.

“Now, I'd like you both to chime in with your thoughts, whenever there's a choice in the matter. No decision will be made, unless it's unanimous. Is that okay?”

She glanced at both of them and rubbed her hooves against each other. The situation wasn't completely unlike some she has had with her friends back in Ponyville, but trying to mend things between the Royal Sisters, was a different subject matter entirely. Celestia was the first to take note of that and sighed.

“Of course it is. The game I made has an awful amount of flaws in it. No wonder it needs to be remade from the grounds up.” Her wings were tucked up and even her hair lost some of its vibrant coloring. “I'm sure you would have made a much better game, Twilight.”

“What? No, that's not it!” Twilight's voice rose a little in pitch. “Your game is wonderful! I loved it as a filly and I love it even now! It really is one of the best?”

“Don't listen to her, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna ordered, sharpening her eyes into a glare. “That mare will do anything to bend your will. You must not think of her as your mentor, otherwise she will take advantage of it.”

“But I...” Twilight bit her lips and shook her head. Once she was done, her expression was just as stern as Luna's. “I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. Your game is good, but it's clearly biased and needs a thorough editing.”

“Alright.” The elder sister smiled at both of them, stifling a chuckle. This exchange was promising to be quite fun after all.

“First of all, both starting points need to have roughly equal chances.” her student began, the quill gliding across the blank parchment. “The Sun route should be safer, but slightly longer, while the Moon should be shorter, but with much bigger chances of traps and hindrances. Agree, disagree?”

While it did take a few agonizing seconds, both alicorns nodded, prompting Twilight to take notes on both that and their behavior. If everything went as smoothly as this, they would finish in no time at all.

“Next up, Sun's traps.” She drew up a makeshift line, with several steps. “There needs to be at least one that has the player skip a turn and one that has them draw an Anomaly Card.”

“I suggest placing a few more. This seems dreadfully easy.”

“That's the intention, Princess Luna,” the unicorn smiled at her and levitated the scroll closer, to show how she envisioned it, while she took a sip from the hot chocolate one of the stewards were kind enough to provide her with. “It's longer, but a lot safer. If anypony takes the Moon route, it may speed them up or severely slow them down. It'll be a game of chance!”

“Hmm...seems so indeed,” the princess concluded, to which Twilight nodded in approval. “It's good to know this game portrays both of us, to a certain extent. Apparently I am dangerous and exciting, while Tia is just plain boring.”

Twilight spit the hot chocolate right back into the cup, her head whipping in Celestia's direction. The alicorn merely raised a brow, but apparently didn't take the insult to heart, much to her student's delight. Her mentor was indeed the more balanced and mature of the two. Even with Luna's prickly little insults, she simply refused to lower herself to her level.

“Coincidentally, the line also signifies quite well the line of suitors that have approached us before,” she said. “I get the bright ones in long lines, while my dear sister gets nothing, but a brief selection of dimly lit individuals and traps.”

Or not.

“Is that so?” Luna stood up and extended her wings, very obviously upset. On this cue, Twilight jumped up and gently pushed on the princess' shoulder to make her sit down again.

“Let's not get into that right now, shall we?” she said. “We've still got a game to finish, after all.”

“Twilight, have you ever been to the Arcana Archives?”

The name immediately made the young unicorn flinch. She dropped to her haunches and gazed at Celestia, fully aware of what she was talking about. While she'd been to just about every library in Canterlot, the Arcana Archives contained some of the most elusive magic spells every created and cast by ponies. To even so much as glimpse at those books would have been on honor in itself.

“No.” Her voice was barely above that of a mouse, but her eyes were like saucers. Celestia smiled at her and levitated the paper full of game notes to herself.

“If you wish, I could always write you a permit.”

“Can you do that?” Twilight asked, barely even realizing the futility of her question. Of course she could have, she was the princess, after all!

“But of course.” Celestia winked at her, already scribbling something on the paper. “Fabulous secrets shall be revealed to you, once you hold aloft this piece of paper and say 'I have permission'!”

Luna scowled at her sister, fully aware of what she was doing. Deceiving her student like that was truly a new low for her and one she was more than ready to follow up on. She leaned close and murmured right into Twilight's waiting ear.

“Have you ever wanted to see a star up close?”

The unicorn's expression told her she was indeed interested, even before she could have spoken a single word. Luna smiled and tore the paper from Celestia's magic grasp and began to hastily scribble her own plans instead.

“I could take you on a journey through the sky, farther than any pegasus could ever dream of. All you need to do, is ask.”

“I...I...” Twilight mumbled, overwhelmed by these offers.

She was shifting her weight from left to right, gazing from one princess to the other, hoping she'd get a cue on which offer to take. Both of them were fighting over control in the meantime, distracting their supposedly neutral judge while they tried to bend the game's rules to their whim.

“Star Swirl's journals are full of spells–”

“–the secret of the Ursa and their constellation–”

“–your own fiefdom and castle–“

“–the truth behind Discord–”

“–whoever you desire–“

“–I love you, Twilight Sparkle!”

Both Twilight and Celestia were dumbstruck by that last offer and even Luna seemed to realize quite fast that it may have not been the best choice of words. To make it worse, it was awkward enough to make Twilight finally realize what they were doing and before they could have said a single word, bolted right out of the room, with the notes in tow.

Twilight slammed the door shut behind herself and started panting, both from the sudden exertion and the fact that she had almost fallen prey to their machinations. She walked over to the nearest window and looked out, taking it the sight of the bustling Canterlot below. Much as she tried, she couldn't find an alternative and this session had all but proved that she was hardly resilient to their attempts at manipulation.

A colorful object suddenly caught her eyes, as it floated right towards the castle. It was nothing, but a simple bright blue balloon, obviously let loose by a carefree foal, or their parents. Twilight's mouth slowly opened form the sight though, as in idea formulated in her mind. She needed someone who was impervious to manipulation, yet knew more than enough about games and fun to assist in making it fair and balanced.

It was time to bring in the expert.

Hierarchy of Reality

Ooooh, I’m so hungry. Hungry, hungry, hungry. Hey, a butterfly. Tastes better than grass, but hardly any substance. Not the sort of thing that fills you, I mean. Oh, that makes me think of food, which makes me remember I’m hungry. So very hungry.

Eating. What else do I do? I don’t know. Approach the food. Do what it takes to get the food. Eat the food. Eating. That’s what I do. That’s all I do. But I’m not eating now, and I’m so hungry. I should really eat. Hungry, so very hungry.

Hmm? It’s the boss. He’s hungry too, isn’t he? So very hungry. We all are. Maybe not all, just most of us. Maybe hunger spreads. Sounds silly, but we’re all so hungry, and hunger makes you think of silly things. Maybe the boss is going to say something silly because he’s too hungry. I’m sure he’s hungry. How could he not be hungry when we’re hungry? That’s not fair, is it?

Hungry. So very hungry.

Oh, the boss is talking. It’s so hard to hear him properly. Hey, another butterfly. I swear, these things taste less better the more you have had. I’d know. It’s my 600th one. I’ve been counting because the boss says that “being thankful” is a way to not feel so hungry. We have to do “thought exercises” and write notes on what we’re thankful for, every week. But all I can think of is being hungry. And thinking of what I’ve eaten makes me miss food, which makes me hungry. So, so, so hungry.

I was lucky enough to find a rabbit the other day. Scared it good and proper, I did, to get the most fear juice out of it before eating. Have you tasted fear? It’s horrible, it is. I don’t know who would like it, unless they don’t mind eating bad stuff. These days, it’s all we have, though. Fear and greed and malice and envy and all the nasty, nasty, icky emotions that disagree with my digestion. I get all uncomfortable about two hours after, and then the others start looking at me funny, because they’re all hungry as well, and they can taste the discomfort. We all are. Hungry, I mean.

Anyhow, the boss is talking and he says that the queen needs something done. Something like that. I don’t know. I’m just too hungry. And you can’t eat boredom, because otherwise we’d all have been full. You know, because everyone was just so bored, listening to him.

Hmm.

There’s an idea.

Nope. No, can’t eat boredom.

So, so very hungry.

The boss said something about food. Why did he have to go and do that? Now I’m positively starving, thanks to him. Something about finally filling our bellies, even though that’s what he said the last time, when we moved to Maretopia. Downright horrible, that place was, but at least there were emotions. Not like the mountain area we’re currently living on, because those Maretopians finally figured out that we were the ones draining their energy. Can’t blame us! We’re just so hungry all the time! Those Maretopians, with their evil, strange magic, and their unfeeling, heartless, fearless, loveless machines, grinding down the alleys and roadways, and their despicable, corrupt Government Initiative troops flushing us out. I’m sure that they’d have turned on each other the moment we were out of the city. I swear, they give me the creeps. There’s absolutely no soul in those things. So unnatural. So unfulfilling. So very hungry.

Now the boss is saying that we have to fly over to a place called Canterlot. That’s in Equestria, and it’s – wait, what? A sea and a river away? Is he kidding me? He’s got to be kidding me. We’re all so hungry! How can we fly such a far distance?

The boss doesn’t appreciate me interrupting him. I guess I should try and keep my thoughts inside of my head instead of my mouth. He’s saying that he’s glad I asked that question, though his eyes tell me he’s lying. I would know. I’m a changeling. Feeling for emotions is what I do. That, eating, and being hungry.

Ponies.

Real, live, actual ponies.

And love. So much love. The smell of alcohol is horrible, and so is the stench of confusion, but it’s love. And really strong rope, as well, and that double-loop-quadruple-bend knot that only Rash’ka can do. The sort that won’t let you out no matter how much you struggle. And there’s two ponies, tied together in it, facing each other, so, so very in love, drunk and limp and barely awake.

It’s actual love.

And I’m so, so, very hungry...

“You can’t possibly expect me to do that, can you?” I muttered, knowing full well the answer. Sure enough, it came, with complimentary steel-eyed glare:

“Either you comply by the rules, or no deal.”

I gave my candy-coloured mane a contemptuous flick. “You’re asking me to control thousands, if not tens of thousands of mindless feeding machines as they wreck havoc in the streets. Have you seen the size of your city? That’s preposterous.”

“Look at Equestria,” replied Celestia. “I dare you to say that you cannot one more time.”

“Oh, pfft. Your job is just administration. You don’t get your own hooves dirty, because you get to use manipulation and magic,” I whined. I knew how grating Missy Third Alicorn’s tone could be, and may I be sunned if I did not take the opportunity to annoy Gaia’s strongest power as much as possible. To Celestia’s credit, her eyes only twitched slightly, and her emotional state was a giant iceberg - imposing, cool, as sturdy as a rock, and only a fraction unsubmerged under a sea of self-control. For now. I raised my hooves in a surrendering pose. “What am I to bridle the unrelenting force of such a race? You know that we are weak. We are famished, and we are shunned. That sort of situation breeds deep, strong desire. Besides, your payment is in our satisfaction. We will accept no less. We’re doing you a favour by eliminating the middlepony in the equation.”

“You are shunned for good reason,” replied Celestia. “What sort of pony would enjoy having their emotions ripped out of their hearts?”

“You’d be surprised,” I answered, taking a sip of tea. It tasted terrible, as with all non-living, non-feeling objects. I channeled that into a wide, toothy grin. “I remember a certain somepony asking for a certain favour, in which the darkness of their subjects’ minds would be suctioned off–”

“That’s enough,” said Celestia, and I saw the tip of the iceberg chip just a little.

“Yes, it is!” I snarled, pushing my beautifully-curved snout into her face, making sure that the tips of my silky mane stung her in the eyes. “You and your sun-damn deal cost me my people! You said that it would be all right for us to eat the stuff, you said that it was for the best, and that you’d be eternally in our favour! That we’d have a place in your utopia, if all we did was sacrifice our own happiness to ‘perfect’ your own subjects! Do you remember that, Princess? Asking us to help you create the perfect world, knowing full well that it would be our curse forever? You corrupted us all, Celestia!”

She locked her gaze with mine. I breathed into her snout. I had come prepared, of course. The weight of one finely-diced onion, half a clove of garlic and milk from this morning’s breakfast – and I use the term loosely – smashed into her nostrils with delectable furiousity. Annoyance was an eclair, but anger was a whole tea tray. Neither of them was nourishment, but there was a certain fulfillment in simply getting a rise out of somepony, especially if that somepony were the ruler of Equestria, the closest to paradise this side of the universe.

I believe in giving credit to where credit is due. It pains me to tell, but the iceberg, if at all, simply bobbed for a bit. Certainly not worth the trouble of not rinsing my mouth.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and her gaze actually softened a bit. “I didn’t know that would happen. I honestly didn’t. It’s kept me up far too many nights, and you know how long it’s been since that day. I’ve been researching all these centuries for a cure for your ponies, Chrysalis. Believe me when I say that. Every year, on Hearth’s Warming, I would send you a letter, but you never replied. Runes, joint spells, artefacts, and the amount of bits I’ve poured into the research and development team, the amount of fast talking I have to do whenever the house of nobles questions me about it... however, you know full well what it’s like to lead a country, a clan of living, feeling things. They need me. My ponies come before my own mistakes. I will not stand for them to be harmed, and you will promise me that they will not be harmed, or you leave my castle empty-hooved.”

“And that’s why you’re faking an invasion? Please, Celestia. You’re not that much of an idiot,” I said, waving a jewel-shoed hoof. “The contradiction is so obvious that even Discord saw that, and he’s encased in stone.”

“Do you honestly think that this is what I want?” asked Celestia, her eyes narrowing.

“Maybe,” I replied. I threw in a giggle for good measure.

She shook her head and sighed. “Tell me, Chrysalis. What is it like to run a group so entrenched in sorrow and in need? Does the balance of the universe return to you a ‘good’ portion in turn for all the misery your ponies suffer?”

“Honestly? I don’t think so,” I replied, and this time I meant it. “I wouldn’t have believed your ‘balance of the universe’ nonsense if I hadn’t seen it in action for myself. Still, for a cosmic law, it’s suspiciously selective. It sure hasn’t paid any friendly visits to the changelings. I suppose even you can see why I’m cutting such a deal with you.” I toyed with my spoon, and nibbled on it thoughtfully. “I have to get as much as I can from every good turn that comes. It’s my responsibility. If I don’t, who else will? And no, your ‘balance of the universe’ is not the answer.”

Celestia was one weird pony, indeed. She wronged me and my ponies. She wanted us to do her a favour, with a reward that we wouldn’t have needed in the first place if not for her failure, for the purpose of satisfying some great, divine law that exacts itself in the strangest manner. She called it “the balance of the universe”, when “karma” would have sufficed, though I suppose “karma” is an understatement.

I remember, and often dream about, that time, so long ago, that we were free. We lived off our love for one another. The mating ritual was a sacred oath that ensured not only companionship, but also one’s daily bread. We lived on the love of our parents as hatchlings, and we dieted on the love of our friends. We searched, delved, explored one another, until we found the right one, the one who would be our lifelong partner. The one called Kath’ra’chak. Lover. Soulmate. Source of all the nourishment one would ever need in this life.

Those times were long gone. The reality of the present was all I could afford to think about, now, not just for me, but for the sake of my changelings.

“We’re not getting anywhere,” sighed Celestia. “Okay, so I’ll do a recap. Firstly, you are to ‘infiltrate’ Canterlot as Cadance.”

“Done,” I offered helpfully.

“You weaken Shining Armour in a non-threatening manner. No physical injuries, and nothing that he can’t recover from within a day.”

“Fair enough,” I replied.

“When the time is right, you ‘reveal’ yourself, lower the shield, and let your changelings in. You exact an appropriate amount of damage, but no harm to my ponies.”

“That’s the hard part. I’ll try,” I shrugged, but then I caught her glare. “Okay, fine, fine, your ponies will come to no significant harm. There will be no soul-sucking or heart-hollowing. But I demand extra payment, as well as supporting spells to boost my power.”

“Done and done,” replied Celestia.

“That was suspiciously eager,” I frowned.

“Firstly, even with the supporting spells, you cannot best me. Secondly, the time for exactement is drawing near. I can feel it in my bones, and the stars are lining up,” said Celestia.

“Oh, I don’t know. You’d be surprised,” I sighed, adding a triple layer of glaze to my tone, “at the power of love. Oh yes you would. Abuu-de-buu-de-buu. Ah-buu-buu. Wouldn’t that be something? Princess Celestia, defeated by the power of love.”

“Chrysalis,” said Celestia, rapping a hoof on the table.

“Right, right,” I said, flicking my mane again. “So I control my ponies to bring about certain harm. Then we get paid, yes? I need proof, Celestia, that you won’t screw us over again.”

Celestia simply nodded, and she brought over a trunk large enough to fit five ponies. With a series of small clicks, the lock opened, and the lid creaked opened.

I could not help but gasp. Celestia smiled a little.

“The latest development of the Equestrian R&D Department,” said Celestia. “Runes that replicate emotion. It’s taken us five decades of observation to properly define ‘love’, another five decades to translate that into thaumic terms, and a century to get our knowledge of magic to a high enough level to make this possible. I can even give you a demonstration.”

She withdrew a flimsy strip of stencil and placed it on the table. Her horn glowed red briefly, and a set of runes, possibly twenty or thirty – I was too busy being stunned – burned themselves into the table. Her horn then glowed blue, and the runes flared up, and immediately, the taste of love, raw, not quite right, but love all right, filled the air. It took all of my self-control to not break down into a slobbering, crying mess, jamming as much of it as I could into my suddenly-dry mouth. Instead, I sniffed, waved a hoof and took the metric equivalent of a sip.

“Not bad,” I said, while my insides screamed and thrashed at me for want of more.

“I trust that your magical skill is high enough to learn the concepts behind it,” said Celestia. “The trunk containing the stencils, as with the runes themselves, are sealed with powerful locks that only I have the key to. I will give you the knowledge for both when your ponies have left Equestria completely. The magic in these runes are one hundred percent my own, and I have stored energy into this from day one of their completion. These should be enough to last you and your kind for at least several generations, and by then, maybe your condition will have healed, or you would have developed the knowledge to make your own. I strongly recommend the latter.”

“Aren’t you worried that we’d turn on you as soon as we get the goods?” I asked, leering in a bid to ignore the gnawing void that was my belly. “My changelings can morph into anypony, you know, and with enough efforts, they can become indistinguishable from their originals.”

“You underestimate me, Chrysalis,” Celestia said. Her smile was coming out in full force now, icy and confidant. She knew she had won. Perhaps I may have let my poker face slip a little. “I will exterminate your kind if they dare to remain on Equestrian land any longer than permitted, one by one, with raining fire and death. I will scan each one of my subjects with eyes that see beyond the surface, until every last one is hunted down. And I will save you for the last if necessary. While you may underestimate me, I do not underestimate you. You should not discount your own intelligence, either.”

“I love you too, Celestia,” I replied, and the both of us broke into uneasy laughter. “Hey, where’s Luna? I haven’t seen her since the big Discordian war, remember that? Cloning her was a lot more fun than cloning you, and she always had a better-kept flank.” I wiggled my currently pink, bony one to illustrate the point. “Remember how we double-teamed Discord and confused the heck out of him, so that you could land that final blow? The blast must’ve been visible from the other side of the planet.”

“Luna’s... busy.”

“Isn’t she always, though?”

“So, is that a deal, or no deal?” pressed Celestia.

“Deal,” I replied.

Then, we chatted on for a while about countries, ponies, ideas, thoughts and the universe, the usual small talk that you can get only with a fellow immortal, whose faults one has come to accept over time, over disgustingly hollow tea and crumpets. I doubt that Celestia would have noticed, but I slowly lapped up at the residual love as we talked until the air was clean of it. Even if she had noticed, she did not say. After all, good company is rare for ponies like us. Any company at this point pretty much qualifies. Bonus points are to be had if said company was instrumental in bringing peace to the land, and was actually on friendly terms once, a long, long time ago.

Dear Mother,

I have done the math, as you requested, making note of the stars and all that. The calculations are worrying. If my predictions are correct, the Gate will claim Equestria’s +ve Tab in a month. Attached are the workings, so that you can double-check to see that it’s not just a silly error on my part.

Luna

Dear Luna,

Your calculations are right. That’s both good news and bad. Good, because now we have a time window to act in. Bad, because we have a time limit to act before. All we have to do is introduce an event that sets off the external harmony counter to pay the Tab, right? Because judging from the last time, that’s what the Gate did - produce an event that, strictly speaking, brought balance.

There’s a third alicorn, I hear? Cadance? Who is she? She might be the key to all of this, for better or for worse. I’m sorry I can’t come to you. Whooves is just so caught up with whatever it is he’s doing, and more often than not, he falls in a paralytic faint when he gets back home. And as you know, he insists that what he does is a secret that he can’t afford to tell me. Stallions! I tell you. That, and Dinky’s band recital is coming up soon. I don’t think I can afford to ditch her at a time like this. You know how it is.

Mother

Dear Mother,

Don’t you remember Cadance? She’s been around all this while. She came over from another continent or something, I can’t recall too clearly. She was there after the founding of Canterlot, that much I’m sure. Maybe you just forgot about her. She’s not exactly the most prominent pony in history, admittedly, exempting the fact that her special talent is a love spell, which would make her Celly’s ultimate reigning tool, if not for the fact that she’s a fellow alicorn, and the last thing on our minds is to start a war.

Sorry to hear about Whooves. But you know how he is. He’s been with you all this while, hasn’t he? And what time is Dinky’s recital? Would you like me to visit? When this Gate debacle is over, I’ll coax Celly to come with. We’ll even wear disguises this time.

Luna

Dear Luna,

No, I do not remember Cadance. She was NOT with us during the Discordian war. Nor was she there before your banishment. In my centuries of travel, I’ve never heard of such a pony, not even once. It all seems so fishy to me.

If you do plan on coming, wear disguises that work.

Though that gives me an idea – I know of somepony who was... remember the changeling princess, Chrysalis? What if you somehow staged an invasion, with enough structural damage to fool the Gate into thinking that we’ve paid off our Tab? Destruction is a must either way, but death is optional. Maybe I could track her down, and ask her in for another favour for old times’ sake.

Mother

Dear Mother,

That’s not a very good idea. Shortly after your exile, and Celly told me all about this, she tried to bring harmony to Equestria. But no matter how hard she tried to help things along – make crops grow, preside over disputes, that sort of thing – ponies always ended up arguing.

Long story short, Celly realized that this was because ponies were inherently bad. We all are, I mean. So she asked Chrysalis (she’s a queen now, by the way, her mother died of old age a few decades back) to lead her ponies in and literally suck the bad out of them. It worked, but sent their thaumic regulative systems out of sync. They became tainted. Celly’s been working on side projects to the end of fixing this, I believe, but the point still stands: Chrysalis isn’t on good terms with us anymore.

Besides, that’s why the Gate came after us in the first place, because ponies wouldn’t do bad anymore, and the cycle of good/bad became abnormal. If I were the universe, I’d find it creepy, too, to be honest, and I’m glad that ponies are demonstrating free will a lot more than back then. You seem to be forgetting a lot of things, Mother.

Luna

Dear Luna,

Isn’t there anything Chrysalis would want? Suggest to Celly that they arrange something, make a deal. Appeal to her about the Gate. Tell her that the signs are all pointing to inevitable doom if we can’t whip some out on our own. Press her into action.

Catching up with all of this is beyond me. I suppose you’re right; I am forgetting things. I’m old, Luna, and I’ve settled. I like my quiet life. You know this too well. Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that you came to me for advice, and doesn’t mean that you’re not welcome. You and Celly always are. You’re my foals.

But anyhow, this isn’t something that you two can’t handle. It feels odd to tell this to an immortal, but Luna, you have to step up more. You can do it. Don’t cut yourself short.

Mother

Dear Mother,

Convinced Celly to try and getthe Chrysalis plan. It’s better if she comes up with the details of the scheme herself; she’s more likely to follow through if she thinks that it’s her plan rather than mine (or yours). Apparently, she’s been trying to contact Chrysalis every Hearth’s Warming, to no avail. We may have to look at Plan B, just in case.

Luna

Dear Luna,

No need for Plan B. This will work. You just have to make it happen. Have faith in yourself. This is the chance for you to prove what I’ve been believing for all this time... that, and there are few other options for a Plan B. I can’t think of any other large force that’s willing to hold restraint when it comes to destroying the capital – using Canterlot as the point of impact would boost the significance of the damage; any other place would require a total demolishment and some – of the richest and most powerful country in Gaia.

Attached are the sketches to quantify the Tab, as well as the amount of destruction needed to pay it off. Run some more calculations as you see fit, and tell Celestia that’s how much damage you need from the invasion.

Mother

The Deities, first and foremost, were. It was a fact they established before they gathered; existing was really the logical first step to actually doing anything. As befitting a higher dimension, there was no colour or definite form, simply thoughts. Eight entities sat, reclined, or slouched around the idea of a long, rectangular table, on the idea of an expansive floor.

“We are,” concluded the chairpony, who sat at the head of the table. “Now, on to the next item on the agenda: Event number 167, or, the Changeling Invasion of Canterlot.”

There was a brief murmur across the spectral table. One voice rose above the rest.

“We are concerned regarding the changelings’ abilities and the One,” it said.

“The changelings can only copy appearance and voice,” began a second, but it was shot down by the first.

“The fact is that they can take on the form of the One! That’s too much of a risk to take!” it snarled. “Reality suffers as it is with one of her. Having two, three, four, multiple copies of her, even if they are a mimicry, a shadow, could very well tip the balance!”

“There is no need for such fuss,” crooned a third. “We will simply have the human deal with it, as he has been doing before.”

“And you think he can deal with several minds at once?” challenged a fourth. “You hold him in high regard, do you?”

“Do you not know what the changelings are? They are insects. A hivemind, with no spare thought for anything beyond their bellies,” shrugged the third. “Control the queen, and you control the horde. He will infiltrate the mind of the queen and use that as a vantage point. He will scope across the battlefield. He will mark down as many copy Ones as he must. The changelings will feign defeat, as per the plan of the queen, and the mission will have been accomplished.”

There was an uncomfortable shifting. “We could sway Celestia into rejecting the notion...” suggested a fifth, but it was cut off by a painfully loud slam.

“No swaying!” boomed the voice of the chairpony. “You know very well what the rules are!”

“We use the human as it is,” shouted the fifth in reply. “How is that not swaying?”

“He patches up the holes left by the One,” replied the chairpony. “He does not influence the decisions of other ponies. He fixes what was made wrong. He does not change thinking unless where necessary. It is an overall good.”

“How about the time-shifter? What of him, then?” hissed a sixth. “We intervened directly.”

“He has never not had a choice,” said the chairpony. “To sign the contract with us was his choice. He could have very well not done so. Even today, he is free to break the contract, with consequences of course, but the point is that his will is free.” It waved a hoof and raised its head to full height, towering above the other Deities. “We are getting sidetracked. What of the One, and the changelings?”

“We can experiment,” said the first. “The best way to determine an unknown future is to let it come to pass.”

“We can experiment,” murmured the third, “if the subject not an unpredictable enigma of unknowns herself. Besides, can we hope to make a perfect copy of her? Only as much as we can make copies of ourselves, if not less so. We suggest instead that the human be dispatched. Have him do what we designated him to do.”

“Why we should bother with this in the first place is beyond us,” complained the second, cowering a little. “The changelings are imperfect copies at their best, and the change only goes skin deep. To consider the need to handle them is inefficient!”

“It is for safety’s sake,” said the seventh, who had been quiet all along. The bickering died down instantly. “Can you honestly say that you know the limitations of her powers?”

“I...” stammered the second.

“That’s what we thought,” said the seventh. It swung its head slowly, scanning the rest of the group. “I agree to the notion of dispatching the human.”

“On what grounds?” asked the chairpony.

“Because we want to,” replied the seventh, “the real and only reason why we do anything at all.”

Disqualified Entrant: Spike's Metamorphosis

Note: This story was submitted after the deadline and therefore is not included in the poll.

It was early in the morning in the library. Twilight, Spike, and Sweetie Belle were circled around each other, with a very large and old looking book in the center.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to go through this? I won’t be able to change you back after this.” Twilight lifted up the archaic text to go over the spell again.

Sweetie Belle gave Spike a quick hug, “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“But I want to,” he said solemnly, “Besides, I’m not a very good dragon anyway.”

Sweetie Belle backed away from Spike as Twilight closed her eyes and concentrated deeply as her horn began to glow in its usual violet aura. Spike was slowly enveloped in a similar aura and began to grunt in pain. Sweetie took a step towards Spike but a bright flash of light burst from Spike, temporarily blinding her. A sudden shockwave from the light knocked both Sweetie Belle and Twilight to the walls behind them respectively, Twilight’s horn stopped glowing as the light burst.

“Well did it work?” Spike asked.

The light faded and when Sweetie regained her vision, she didn’t see the familiar green and purple dragon; she saw a young unicorn colt with a green mane and a violet coat that was a darker shade than Twilight’s. He also had a stack of books partially covered by a piece of parchment and quill for a cutie mark. She gasped and excitedly said, “Spike! It worked! …and you already have a cutie mark!”

The young couple ran into each other’s embrace. Twilight opened her eyes and was shocked to see that the spell had actually worked! She gave a small ‘aww’ as she saw the two foals hugging each other, but she gave a loud cough to interject. “Spike, before you go out into the world as a pony, there are some things you should know.”

“Like what?” He asked while breaking the hug.

Twilight levitated the book in front of her again and began.

“Guidelines to Keeping a Post-Interspecies Transformation

1: The subject must not use any magical abilities (if any) of his or her new species for 24 hours post-transformation.

2: The subject must not be spoken to by his or her old name for 24 hours post-transformation.

3: The subject must not be interact with any being of his old species for 24 hours post-transformation.

4: Rules 2 and 3 are exempt to those present during the Transformation

5: Breaking any of the above rules results in the subject reverting to his old species”

“Huh, that doesn’t seem so hard; if I just stay inside I’ll be fine. I mean, it’s not like there will be a dragon coming into town anytime soon.”

After some thinking, Sweetie Belle cut in, “But wouldn’t Rule 2 be a problem if Pinkie-”

“SURPRISE!” chimed the always excited party pony from out of a random bookshelf.

“Pie found out…”

“My Pinkie Sense told me a new pony came into town, so now I’m here!”

Twilight, confused as the others, said, “That still doesn’t explain how you got here so fast, not to mention being in the bookshelf.”

“Oh Twilight, don’t you think we have a bigger problem here? Like introducing the new pony to town? I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?” She took Spike by the hoof and shook it up and down quickly.

“I’m… umm…” Spike began, as he tried to think of a name. He looked to his cutie mark for an idea, “My name is Scribe.”

“Nice to meet you Scribble~ Now do you know what this calls for? A PARTY!”

Suddenly, the four of them were transported to Ponyville Park, covered in decorations. Everypony but Pinkie were taken aback as to how Pinkie was able to teleport them without magic and set up all the decorations in such a short time. Spike opened his mouth to talk, but was quickly met with a crowd of ponies (and Pinkie) that swept him off his hooves and paraded him around.

As the crowd took him around to various parts of the park, the Rarity walked over to Sweetie Belle and Twilight and asked, “Have either of you seen Spike? I need to borrow him for some gem hunting. Normally I’d find him at the food table, but I can’t find him anywhere.”

Thinking of the best possible way to answer, Twilight said, “Rarity, there’s something I need to tell you.”

She went up to Rarity and whispered something in her ear. Rarity quickly yelled out in shock, “What!? My dear Spikey-Wikey is dating Sweetie Belle AND is the pony this party is for!?”

“I know this is a lot to take in, but first I need to tell you something important.”

“It can wait, but first I need to give Spike a firm talking to.”

Rarity charged to where Spike is. Twilight immediately galloped after Rarity to try and reason with her. Sweetie Belle galloped as well, but couldn’t keep track of them with the crowd coming back. Soon enough, Rarity spotted Spike and was about to confront him, but was tackled by Twilight.

“Twilight, this is most certainly uncalled for!”
“Listen to me, nopony can know that Scribble is Spike for a whole day or else he’ll turn back into a dragon!”

Any background noise soon ceased as anypony within earshot just heard this big piece of news. Murmurs spread about the crowd and then there was a bright flash of light. Spike walked out of the crowd, back as a dragon.

“Spike, I’m so sorry,” said Rarity.

Spike gave a quick sigh, “It’s fine, I guess it was never meant to be.”

Sweetie Belle made his way through the crowd and gave the disappointed dragon a kiss on the cheek, “I don’t care if you’re a pony or a dragon. I’ll still like you either way.”

Spike returned the favor with a hug and crowd dismissed themselves to give the two some time alone. Except for Rarity, whose mouth was agape from finding out that the little dragon had fallen for her younger sister.

RESULTS

Oh... Hello. Results? I, er, yes. The results. I have the results. They're right here! They're, er, they're just over in my car. Yes, in the car. I'll just go get them and...

...

(Elevator music) [Automated Operator]: "We'd like to remind you that the top five stories were sorted by judge rankings, and that all other stories were sorted by score from public votes."

Top 5

Gold Medal
Beyond the Wall by Filler (8.58)

Silver Medal
A Pun Too Far by The Great and Powerful!Trixie (8.16)

Bronze Medal
Author, Author! by Pascoite (7.79)

Copper Medallions
Ordem E Progresso by Chocolate Milk (7.58)
Creator by Cassius (7.11)

Top 10

Murky Medallions
Blue Is Better by PresentPerfect (7.00)
Playtime by Zay-el (6.83)
Can I Keep Him? by Bob from Bottles (6.79)
Daring Do and the Accursed Atoll by Kurbz (6.70)
All the Good Things by StarmanTheta (6.63)

Top 20

Participation Certificate
A Dish Best Served Cold, or Not at All by LunarShadow (5.85)
Fable by Sparky (5.79)
Masquerade by Silverquill (5.74)
The Fates of Creation by Duskwing (4.65)
An Attempt to Follow the Rules by Mysterion (4.47)
(Trying to) Set the Rules by CloudCover (4.26)
Hierarchy of Reality by Casca (4.26)
Inconsequential by RogerDodger (4.25)
The Colorful Sunrise by Raharu (3.35)
A Lesson by The Compendium of Steve (2.45)
The Ponyville Games by Ben Hankinson (2.16)
Settle Down the Charter by Nuki Mouse (1.94)

I extend again a congratulations to everyone who participated, no matter how well you performed!

Full vote breakdown: http://i.imgur.com/EI7Fd.png
Total number of voters: 20

Giant spreadsheet full o' numbers numbers and graphs and stuff: http://goo.gl/MXzLx

The Judges
The final five were sent to a panel of four judges: Demetrius, Eustatian, midnightshadow, and Thanqol. Their comments and individual rankings: http://goo.gl/ugN6p

Each judge ranked the final five from best to worst, 1st–5th. The scores for the finalists were calculated by the following: 20 – (sum of ranks). For example, a story that that was ranked 5th by all four judges would get a score of zero. Judge tally: http://goo.gl/Yn7BN

Now for the esoteric awards:

Someone Drooled over Your Story
Beyond the Wall (6)
Author, Author! (5)
A Pun Too Far (4)
Ordem E Progresso (3)
Blue Is Better (2)
Can I Keep Him? (2)
A Lesson (1)
All the Good Things (1)
An Attempt to Follow the Rules (1)
Creator (1)
Daring Do and the Accursed Atoll (1)
Fable (1)
Playtime (1)

Someone Wants to Send Your Story to the Moon
A Lesson (10)
The Ponyville Games (8)
Settle Down the Charter (6)
The Colorful Sunrise (2)
(Trying to) Set the Rules (1)
An Attempt to Follow the Rules (1)
Hierarchy of Reality (1)

Now for the graphs (everybody likes graphs):
• Story Views Against Word Count: http://i.imgur.com/MchTm.png
• Word Count Against Rating: http://i.imgur.com/jp2Kg.png
• Story Views Against Rating: http://i.imgur.com/mjCiB.png
Whole album: http://imgur.com/a/QmIkK

Questionnaire Time
I don't really have any questions this time. But feel free to tell me how great I am, etc. (But seriously, feedback is cool if you can think of any way this could be improved.)

Again, thank you all—voters, submitters, spectators, hecklers, spacemen, admirals, etc.—for your participation in making this a great success!

A Dish Best Served Cold, or Not at All

7:16

Octavia rolled over and groaned. Pulling the blankets over her head, she tried to catch a few more seconds of sleep. However, the steady drumming of the new dishwasher refused to allow such a convenience.

No, she couldn’t just wait fifteen more minutes to practice her music, could she? Everyday... it’s the same.

Finally giving up, Octavia threw the blanket off herself and swung out of bed. She stood there for a second, yawning and rubbing her eyes. Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she considered taking the extra five minutes to comb her messy, black mane, but her rumbling stomach protested.

And I need to talk to Vinyl anyways.

As she slowly descended the stairs, she pondered what she might say to her friend. Using the dishwasher this early in the morning was one thing. It was normally ran fairly quietly. However, when Vinyl used her magic to bend the noise into dubtrot, nopony slept for much longer.

From the landing, she trotted down the hall, passing the small living room and entering the kitchen. Her friend stood on the other side of the center counter. “Vinyl, I’ve ask...” She blinked in surprise as she saw the other mare and stepped back. “... Are you wearing my wok on your head?”

Spinning around, Vinyl flashed her a grin. “Oh, that’s what it’s called? Well, it’s really cool. It creates this awesome reverb effect that I want to learn to bend.” She pushed it back. “Why? Do you need it?”

Octavia dragged her hoof down her face. “ I was going to make sauteed apples in it for breakfast. And do you really need to use the dishwasher to make your music this early in the morning?”

The wok lazily floated through the air as Vinyl shrugged. “My turntable is at the club and I don’t have any of my other equipment back from the studio.” She trotted to the fridge and opened it. “Mind frying up some apples for me too?”

“Eww... not now. Your horn left some magic residue from wearing it. I doubt that will be good for the apples.” Octavia stuck out her tongue and shoved the wok away in disgust.

Vinyl immediately levitated it back onto her head. “Well, in that case... let me try to create that sound effect one more time.

Rolling her eyes, Octavia went to a cupboard across the kitchen and got a box of oats, along with a bowl. As long as I’m already awake. She sat down at the counter and watched Vinyl from the other side with mild curiosity.

She screwed up her face in concentration. The soft swishing of water in the dishwasher turned into a deep thrum. It changed pitches several times as Vinyl worked to find the right one. Suddenly, the beat dropped, causing the room to vibrate.

Octavia jumped in surprise and grabbed her bowl to prevent it from falling off the counter. However, something behind her wasn’t so lucky. It fell to the floor, shattering with a sharp crack.

Ugh! I should have seen that coming, but it’ll never cease to startle me. And just like I said several days ago, something finally broke. She turned to see what had fallen and stopped. Her mouth fell open and she just stared in open shock.

“Woops, dropped the bass a little too hard. Heh.” Vinyl walked around to join Octavia. Her eyes scanned the room, looking for whatever had broken. When she found it she grimaced. “Oh... tough luck. That was your grandma’s heirloom vase wasn’t it?”

Vinyl’s words seemed to jerk Octavia out of her shock. “Y-yes! It was and... and you just destroyed it!” She spun around furiously, and shouted at Vinyl. “And you know what else? We’ve lived together for half a year now, yet you insist on living like there are no rules!” Turning away, she waved her forehoof around angrily. “You’re rude and inconsiderate! I thought we agreed to some rules when we first moved together... yet—”

Cutting her off, Vinyl said, “Whoa, chill out it’s in large three pieces and—”

“No, you know what? Forget it! I’m not in the mood to talk right now.” Stomping out of the room, Octavia headed back upstairs. Taking a right at the landing, she went into the bathroom and began filling up the tub.

Maybe a bath will help calm me. She sighed in pleasure as she sunk into the water, her frown slowly turning into a smile. Anyways, maybe a rational conversation later with Vinyl will clear things up.

Twenty minutes into her soak, the door opened. Vinyl walked in, and then quickly backed up. She lifted a hoof to cover her eyes. “Err... sorry. Didn’t know you were still in here. I’ll ask my question later.”

“Vinyl!” Octavia screamed. “Don’t you know how to knock?” She scrambled back in the water. “There are certain privacy protocols regarding the bathroom and I’d appreciate it if you followed them!”

The door closed, and the frown returned to Octavia’s face. As she listened to the fading hoofsteps of Vinyl, she began to think. That’s it! This is not the first time she’s walked in on me. Maybe I need to do something more than just talk to her.

An additional ten minutes later, she decided that she was no longer in the mood for a soak, she got out and wrapped a towel around her head. Fuming, she trotted to her bedroom, where she finished drying off. She grabbed a comb and ran it through her mane as she watched herself in the mirror.

As the tangles slowly came undone and she fell into the rhythm of everyday mane care, her let her gaze drift around the room via the mirror. She took pride in how neat her bedroom was kept. A bed in the corner, dresser on the opposite end, and a desk on the wall in between.

Sheets of music, both half-written and completed lay stacked neatly on the desk. The blanket on her bed was in a heap, but she could fix that later. Her dresser held her grooming products plus her bowtie, and that was all she needed.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Vinyl’s favorite record balanced on the edge of her mirror. In a single instant, an idea formed.

Perhaps a more visual example is in order. If only she could feel a bit of what I felt when she broke the vase. A grin slowly spread across her face and with a casual flick, she brushed the disk off. It landed on the floor, but nothing happened.

Frowning, Octavia’s stared at it. I guess that these would need to be sturdier than a vase. What now?

But, before she could come up with anything, the door slowly opened. “Tavia? Have you seen my Living Tombstone record? I think I left it in your room that day I showed it to you, but had to leave really quickly when I realized I was late for work.” Vinyl poked her head around the door, and looked around in concern. “I kinda need it later today.”

Octavia took a step forward and smiled. “Um... I may have. I think it...” Both their ears perked up as something splintered. Looking down, she gasped. “Oh... I’m so sorry! I didn’t see it there.”

Tears welled up in Vinyl’s eyes as she just stared. “N-no! That was special edition, two sides, three bonus songs!” Trotting over, she fell to her knees and floated the pieces in front of her, her face one of total shock. “This is... bad.”

Patting her friend’s back in solace, Octavia said, “Ouch... this is exactly how I felt when my grandma’s vase broke. It was probably as special to me as that record is to you.”

With no warning, Vinyl’s mood changed. “Nope! It’s okay. I know a pony who’ll fix it up good as new. No worries!” With that, she trotted out of the room, humming happily as the pieces of the shattered record floated after her.

Octavia stood there with her mouth half open, glaring at the retreating figure. Not so much as a twinge of lasting sadness? This is ridiculous! If that didn’t work... what will?

Sighing, she grabbed her bow and tied it on with practiced ease and trotted back downstairs. This time, she turned into the living room. On the other side, past the coffee table, the cream coloured couch, and in between a pair of bookshelves was a door. Beyond the door was her practice room. Well, technically not hers, but she was the only one that really used it for anything but storage.

Humming part of a solo, she trotted across the room. But she stopped in the doorway, her eye twitching. Inside, old dubstep equipment littered the floor. It essentially blocked her way to her cello.

She was about to shout for Vinyl when an idea hit her. Oh, if she wants to play dirty... I’ll just have to block the way to her storage room! Maybe she’ll finally get the hint and follow the rules.

Smiling deviously, Octavia made her way to the kitchen. Directly to the right of the entrance was another doorway. It led to a flight of stairs, which in turn, lead to the basement and Vinyl’s record storage.

I’ll just... “look” for something and “accidentally” leave everything out.

The basement was dark, what light there was was filtered through a dusty window well at the far end. Boxes of unpacked possessions lay stacked to either side of her. Spiderwebs and a thick layer of dust covered everything.

Octavia blew the dust away and brushed off cobwebs before ripping open the boxes. She pulled the contents out and lay them carefully around the room. She made sure to put them in the most inconvenient of locations.

Old Hearth Warming ornaments, picture frames, and assorted musical items soon littered the floor. Perfect! She’ll be furious and then I can “remind” her of the mess in my practice area.

As Octavia finished the thought, the clack of hooves on wood echoed around the basement.

And speak of the mare!

Vinyl trotted into view and then stood there for a second. Her gaze passed over the mess and came to rest on Octavia. “Wow, whatever you were looking for must of been buried deep. I hope you found it.” She trotted the rest of the way down the stairs and casually shoved aside the mess on her way to storage. “I’ll clean it for you later.”

Octavia closed her eyes and took deep, calming breaths. “No... I didn’t find what I was looking for.” Trying her best to keep her composure, she slowly walked up the stairs and into the kitchen. The second the door closed, she stomped her hoof and growled. “What does it take to get to that mare?”

Suddenly the door opened and some records floated out, followed by Vinyl’s voice. “You seem a tad frustrated by something. Perhaps you should do what I do and just play some music.” She trotted past Octavia and headed towards the door leading outside. “Anyways, I gotta run. Work, you know. Be back tonight sometime.”

Though, she’s probably right. I just need to calm down. Taking a deep breath, Octavia closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. Opening her eyes, she trotted towards her practice room. A rational conversation in a few hours will surely fix this mess.

She grinned, humming one of her favorite tunes as she walked across the living room. And then stopped. Immediately, the smile disappeared, replaced by a frown. Her eyes narrowed and she sniffed angrily. “Or not.”

The mess of old electronic music devices still littered the floor. Her cello was still in its case under several items. Looking at it now, everything looked like it was in more disrepair than it had been half an hour ago when she had first gone to play some music.

Octavia’s shoulders tensed and she clenched her teeth. “That... is... it! I’m paying her a little visit and we’re going to sort this out now!”

Slamming the door, she forgot any composure she had and stomped through the house. Eventually, she found herself outside, halfway to the recording studio where Vinyl worked. In her anger, she hadn’t even noticed she was in downtown Manehattan.

Whoa! What are you doing? You’ve always been a calm, rational mare. Part of her mind protested the fit of fury.

Sitting down, she held her head in her hooves and gently rubbed. She could feel the headache forming. But Vinyl needs to learn her lesson and a level-headed, direct approach didn’t work when I tried it two days ago. The subtle hints failed miserably, and I’m out of ideas. A more aggressive stance seems like the only option now.

Again, a thought drifted from the corner of her mind. But it’ll get easier. Vinyl told you her story and about how excited she was to finally move away from home. Perhaps once the novelty of living alone wears off, she’ll calm down.

Sighing, she got up and began walking towards the recording studio and Vinyl Scratch. In the distance, there was the rumble of thunder, as if the weather were mirroring Octavia’s mood. “But if I don’t talk now, who knows how much longer I’ll have to wait for her to become mellow.”

Glancing up, her mood fell even more. Gray clouds, heavy with rain, hovered above the city. “And I’d better hurry if I don’t want to get caught in this storm.” Picking up her pace, she trotted down the street, taking a right several blocks later. The record shop came into view and she galloped inside, shutting the door a little harder than she meant.

The black pegasus at the counter jumped in fright as the bang echoed through the small storefront. A second later, he calmed down and turned around. “Octavia! Surprised to see you here.” He trotted around the counter, grinning. “What can I do for Vinyl’s friend?”

Furrowing her eyebrows, Octavia said, “I need to talk to Vinyl, if you could get her. That’d be much appreciated, Record.”

Record grimaced. “Ooo... no can do. She’s in the studio. It’s been nearly three months and she finally gets her chance to join other musicians in the world of recorded music.”

Octavia growled and poked Record in the chest. “Well, when she’s done, tell her she’s going to get an earful about responsibility later!”

“Irresponsibility? That doesn’t sound like Vinyl. She’s one of the most responsible mare’s I know.” Record raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Rolling her eyes, Octavia snorted. “Oh please, she’s been impersonal, leaving messes in my areas of the house. She wakes up early and plays her music loudly while I sleep. It’s as if she disregards every rule we agreed on when we first moved in together!”

Suddenly, Records eyes seemed to light up. “Hey! Maybe I can offer an explanation.” He went behind the counter and pulled a picture out from underneath. In it, Vinyl and him were posing half way through a record spin at a turntable. “You see, I’ve known her for years. Since foalhood in fact. And she’s never acted like what you described.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow skeptically, but was silenced by Record before she could voice an argument.

“Except when she gets really antsy.”

“So you’re just brushing it up to nerves? I find that hard to believe.” Octavia spun around and walked out of the door, leaving a sputtering Record behind.

The nerve! If he won’t let me talk to Vinyl... I’ll... I’ll... Her mind hit a brick wall, no ideas coming to the front. Maybe I’ll just have to deal with it. Maybe I’ll just go to bed an extra fifteen minutes earlier and... wait a second. That’s it! Her ears perked up and she slowly began to grin.

As she continued to walk, finalizing her plan, the clouds overhead broke, raining heavily. Lightning flashed brightly and thunder ripped apart the sound barrier, echoing in anypony’s ears that was outside.

However, Octavia ignored it all. Instead, she broke into laughter. “Ahaha! This’ll get to her! She won’t to be able to ignore my complaints any longer. Not after this!”

Octavia’s eyes shot open and she rolled out of bed quietly. Lighting a match, she touched it to a candle and under its glow, she looked around. 2:24, and all is quiet. Not a light on. She should be asleep.

Carefully sidestepping piles of her own stuff, she tiptoed to the cello in the corner. It had taken her two hours to clear the junk from the practice room. But the fruits of her labour were about to pay off.

Slowly setting up, she tried her best to make as little noise as possible. Hehe, don’t want to ruin this “revenge” too soon.

Finally, with everything in its place, she gently lay the bow across the strings. Taking a deep breath, she smiled. Pulling the bow, the deep tenor of the cello drifted into her ears. Sighing in pleasure, she continued the tune.

Up one note, down two, repeat. Slow draw, quick pace. It didn’t matter, she lost herself in the moment and just played. In fact, her attention was so focused on the music that she missed the noise of the door opening, only noticing she was not alone when Vinyl spoke.

“Tavi?” Vinyl stood in the doorway, looking sort of downtrodden. “Umm... that’s... well...” She stumbled over her words. “T-that’s some nice music you’re playing. It’d go well with—”

Throwing her hooves in the air Octavia glared at Vinyl. “Dear Celestia! Does nothing upset you? I’ve tried everything! Rational discussion, subtle hints! Nothing works...” She trailed off panting heavily at her outburst.

Vinyl took a step back, looking sadly at her friend as tears welled up. She lifted her glasses and wiped them away. “I-I’m sorry. Record told me and I—”

“No! This obviously isn’t going to work. I’ll start packing tomorrow and be out of your mane by Tuesday.” Octavia gently set down her cello and then stomped over to the bed. Getting into it, she pulled the sheets over her head and fumed.

Vinyl stood silently in the doorway for a few seconds before speaking again. “It... it’ll be a shame to see you go. These were the best three months of my life, if it makes you feel any better.”

The frown left Octavia’s face and her gaze softened, but she still just stared at the wall in front of her. Well, at least we’re getting somewhere other than just me trying to annoy her. But that doesn’t change anything!

“Oh, and... I got your grandmother’s vase fixed. A parting gift from me to you. I hope it at least makes you less angry at me.” Closing the door softly, Vinyl left the room.

Octavia listened to the sound of retreating hoofsteps for a second before turning over. On the nightstand next to her bed, the heirloom vase stood, good as new. When she picked it up, she couldn’t even see where it had been cracked ages ago.

Perhaps I was a little too harsh on her. Memories of the past three months flooded her mind. Listening to records with her. Looking up after a performance to see her clapping exuberantly. Sitting in the studio, watching Vinyl spin some records skillfully. Laughing at a tidbit of gossip over dinner.

Okay, since she wanted to talk, I guess I’ll give her another chance. Setting down the vase, Octavia got out of bed and trotted to the door. Opening it, she peeked out. Vinyl was nowhere to be seen, so she slowly walked down the hall to the stairs. As she went down the stairs, she peered into the living room. She could see Vinyl sitting motionless on the couch, just staring at a picture.

“Vinyl?”

Looking up, Vinyl’s face immediately lit up. “Tavi!”

“I’m... sorry.”

Raising an eyebrow in confusion, Vinyl replied, “About what? It’s been me that’s been acting like a jerk lately.”

Octavia sighed and looked away in shame, her face falling. “Breaking your record on purpose, moving everything in the way of your practice room, playing the cello at two in the morning. All of it. It was selfish of me and I should have just talked to you again. I was just so caught up in trying to ‘teach you a lesson’ that—”

Vinyl stopped her by putting a hoof to her lips. “Hey, just let it lie. I’m a pretty easy going mare. I got the record fixed and I don’t mind a mess. As for playing this early in the morning? I was just getting home anyways.” She paused for a few seconds to collect her thoughts before continuing. “Look, when I moved in with you, I didn’t expect everything to work out perfectly. I promised myself that I’d take everything in stride.”

“It was the fact that I used to be so anal about everything being perfect that drove me and my family apart.” She looked directly into Octavia’s eyes. “And I don’t want to alienate myself from any more ponies.”

“But what about the way you’ve been acting lately?” Octavia blinked at Vinyl in confusion. “Even you have to admit it got a bit out of hoof.

Vinyl shrugged. “I’ve had a record deal in progress for nearly three months now. It made me very nervous that’d it fall apart. They don’t normally take this long. And, when I’m nervous... well, this is what happens. I kinda forget everything except the deal.”

Octavia glanced around nervously. “So, I should have listened to Record when he told me that?”

“Hey, it’s all okay now and I just finished with the recording. I promise to be a better roommate in the future.” Vinyl suddenly hugged Octavia. “Are we cool now?”

The sad smile that had been on her face widened and Octavia chuckled, returning the hug awkwardly. “Yeah, we’re ‘cool’.”

Vinyl pulled back, beaming. “That’s awesome! And if it helps anymore, we can redefine the rules if you want.”

“Sure, I guess we can do that, starting with waiting until everypony is awake before playing music.”

Grimacing, Vinyl said, “Doh, sure. I guess I’m the offender there, but I’ll do my best to respect that. And speaking of bed... I think there are still four or five hours of sleep to be had.”

Looking at the clock, Octavia’s eyes widened. “Less than! You’re right, we should really head to our rooms.” She broke off the hug and trotted back up to her rooms. “Night, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Vinyl followed after but took a left at the landing instead of a right. Just as she was about to enter her room, she spun around. “Oh, and I suppose this means you aren’t going to move out, right?”

“Heh, no. We worked out the problem, so there’s no need to anymore.” Octavia grinned and shook her head.

“I suppose that’s true. Though, we’ll have to pound out those rules in the morning.” Vinyl backed into her room and closed the door.

Octavia followed suit, gently closing the door behind her. She felt her eyes drooping as she climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her head. Yawning, she smiled. Already, she could feel herself drifting off to sleep.

I’m glad that I finally got to discuss this with Vinyl. To think, where would I be if we hadn’t?

Can I Keep Him?

*Story idea inspired by the Kids in the Hall sketch, “Can I Keep Him?”

Bon Bon listened to the sound of her front door shutting softly followed by the muffled clops of a pony trying, and failing, to move silently down the hallway. That would be Lyra, returning from her practice. Bon Bon smiled. Lyra fancied herself a secretive pony with an air of mystery when in fact most ponies, Bon Bon included, considered her an open book. That didn’t stop her from trying, though. Undoubtedly, she had something she was trying to hide from Bon Bon. Some small, insignificant matter that she would cling to defensively until her guilty mind forced her to blurt it out in a fit of excitement. It was cute, and part of what made Lyra, Lyra.

A buzzer brought Bon Bon’s attention back to her current task: dinner. She silenced the device and then, having bit into a mouth mitt, opened her oven. The sweet smell of fresh sugar and cinnamon filled her nostrils, and the sight of the perfectly browned rolls was enough to set her mouth watering. Not wanted to get the mitt any damper, she quickly removed the tray full of cinnamon rolls and set them on a pad to cool. She removed the mitt and bit onto a ladle next to a large pot of simmering vegetable stew. Another stir, and just one more taste, was all she need to declare her meal complete. Only one thing left to do.

“Welcome home, Lyra,” Bon Bon said, once her mental count of hoofsteps had reached twelve. She didn’t even bother turning around and instead opened the cupboard to gather bowls and plates.

“Oh! Uh... hey, Bon Bon,” Lyra said. “Glad to be back. Dinner smells amazing. I’ll eat in a second. Just need to, uh... put something in our room— I mean the living room— No! The laundry room! Uh... I-I need to put something away.”

Ah, so it’s something big this time. I wonder what she bought? Bon Bon finished gathering the plates and went for the spoons. She had no need to pry; Lyra always told when she was ready. Just so long as it wasn’t something too expensive.

“Did anything exciting happen at your music practice today?” Bon Bon asked before she ladled some stew into their bowls. Only a little prod, to get her talking.

“No... same as always.” Bon Bon could hear Lyra’s hooves shuffling. Her defenses were weak or, perhaps, already weakened. The secret would have to be something she couldn’t hide, then. “We did end it kind of earlier. Fair Wind is out with the flu. Don’t worry. She should be recovered in time for the celebration. I can’t wait for everypony to hear us play.”
Bon Bon nodded and stuck her spatula under a sticky roll, attempting to pry it loose. Perhaps I used too much sugar this time?

“Bon Bon?” Lyra said, sounding unsure of herself. “Something did happen after practice today.”

Bon Bon’s breath caught in her throat. She dropped the spatula, whirling around to face Lyra. Lyra’s ears hung low, and she was staring at one hoof that she kept sliding back and forth across the kitchen tiles. Her mint green coat was unmarred and her mane still looked neat, or at least what Lyra considered neat. No cuts or bruises could be seen anywhere on the unicorn. She’s not hurt, at least not physically.

Lyra looked up and must have caught sight of the worry in Bon Bon’s eyes. Her own eyes widened and she quickly raised her hoof, shaking it side-to-side. “No, nothing bad!”

Bon Bon gave a sigh of relief and felt her heart unclench. “You had me worried for a moment. So... what did happen? Anything you want to talk about?”

“Well...” Lyra looked behind her, back down the hallway, then back to Bon Bon. “You know that valley? The one I like to visit?”

Bon Bon groaned inwardly, hoping the conversation wasn’t about to go in the direction she thought it was. There was only one valley Bon Bon could think of that Lyra could be talking about. The one located not too far within the Everfree Forest. It was more of a meadow, really, and contained some of the strangest creatures she had ever seen, even by Everfree standards. Lyra liked to go there to watch the animals play, despite the dangers of the rest of the forest, and had even managed to drag Bon Bon along once. She had been too nervous to enjoy herself, but Lyra had been happy, and that was enough.

“Yes?” Bon Bon ventured.

“I went there again, after practice. Since we didn’t do much practicing, and I had some free time. Um... anyway, I saw this little guy all by himself and...” Lyra stepped to the side and motioned down the hallway for someone, or something, to follow her.

Oh no... please no...

The creature that stepped into the doorframe stood twice as tall as a pony. Its peach-colored skin was hairless save for a mop of scraggly black hair atop its head. It wore crude, black clothing along with a red necktie, making its attire resemble a business suit. Around its wrist was a watch, though, judging by its cracks, it likely no longer worked. The creature raised the watch to its face, looked around the kitchen, sniffed, tapped the watch with its opposite hand, and then held it to its ear.

No! No, no, no. She knows better! She couldn’t possibly have brought home—

“A human!” Bon Bon said, trying not to shriek. “You brought home a human?”

“Now, I know what you are probably thinking,” Lyra said, “but I feel—”

“No!”

“Oh, come on! I didn’t even ask yet!”

Bon Bon held a hoof to her forehead to comfort her sudden migraine. “Lyra...”

I need to be subtle about this. Make her realize herself that this is a bad idea.

“Humans... humans are wild animals,” she said, stepping aside as the human entered her kitchen and started looking around.

Lyra followed it in. “There are ponies that keep them as pets.”

“Rich and eccentric types, mostly,” Bon Bon said, waving a hoof to shoo the human away from her and, unfortunately, towards their meal. “The point I’m making is that humans are very difficult to care for and don’t do well in captivity. You’ve seen them in the Canterlot zoo. Remember? No! Those rolls are not for you!”

“Yeah, but... all of the caged animals looked miserable, not just the humans. I can take care of him! He just needs love and attention.”

Bon Bon eyed the human up and down. Having given up on the cinnamon rolls, he stood next to the stove, repeated touching the pot and drawing back from the heat. “Are you sure it’s male?”

“Maybe, I-I’m not too sure how to check on a human. But he answers to Mr. Stevenson!”

“Mr. Stevenson,” Bon Bon said flatly.

The human grunted, causing Bon Bon to flinch. She backed away and raised a hoof in defense as the creature approached. It stooped down in front of her and stared her in the eyes, unblinking. Every so often, its nostrils flared. Moving as slowly as possible, Bon Bon looked sidelong at Lyra, who was nervously grinning back. Bon Bon squeaked as the human quickly reached out and grabbed her hoof. Don’t scream! Don’t scream! Animals sense fear! Squeezing lightly, the human moved its hand and, by extension, her hoof up and down.

“What is it doing?” Bon Bon whispered out the side of her mouth.

“Shaking your hoof!” Lyra whispered back, excitedly.

“I can see that. Why?”

“I don’t know, but it’s so cool! I think he likes you!”

The human grunted and let go of Bon Bon’s hoof. She quickly pulled it beneath her and watched the human for any more sudden movements. The human took interest in its shirt and began patting it. It eventually found what it was looking for, a fold the looked like a pocket. From the pocket, it pulled a white, rectangular piece of paper, held it before her, and grunted.
“I-I don’t understand. You want me to have that?”

The human grunted again and moved the paper forward. Bon Bon turned up a hoof, slowing extending it under the paper. She cringed as the human set the paper on it. When nothing else happened, Bon Bon withdrew her hoof and looked at the paper. Squiggly lines covered it. I may have been writing or a drawing of a potato, for all she knew. She looked at Lyra.

“I don’t know,” Lyra said. “He gave me one, too.”

“Um... th-thank you?”

Apparently satisfied with her response, the human nodded and gave her a toothy grin, showing more pointy teeth than Bon Bon was comfortable seeing up close. While there may have been no reports of unprovoked wild human attacks, she wasn’t keen on becoming the first. Lyra walked up next to the human and began rubbing her hoof on its head. The human closed its eyes and made pleasant sounds while rolling its head so that she could scratch all its hair.

“See?” Lyra said. “He’s harmless. Just a big softy. Aren’t you? Yes you are. Yes you are!”

One of the human’s feet thumped up and down. Bon Bon frowned at how badly the conversation was going. It would be hard, if not impossible, to convince Lyra to get rid of the human.

“So...” Lyra said, letting the unspoken question hang in the air.

“I don’t know,” Bon Bon said, trying not to make eye contact.

“Please? He’s so much smaller than the other humans. I think he might be a runt. He could die without me!”

“I’m not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?

“I can do this, Bon Bon. I know I can!”

Bon Bon looked into Lyra’s pleading eyes, which were growing larger by the second. “Fine... you can keep him, but on one—no—two conditions,” she said, cutting off Lyra’s celebration. “You have to follow these rules if you want to keep a human. First, and I want to be very clear on this, he’s your pet, not mine. I don’t want to be the one cleaning up after him, or feeding him, or walking him, or—”

“Don’t worry, Bon Bon, he’s my responsibility. You won’t even know he’s here!”

Somehow, I doubt that.

“Secondly,” Bon Bon continued, “and this is the most important rule, if it becomes clear that staying here is bad for him, if he ends up being miserable like the humans in a zoo, then you must return him to where you found him. Got that?”

“That won’t happen. I’ll take good care of him and get him lots of toys and different types of food. He’ll be much happier here than he ever was in the wild! You’ll see.”

Bon Bon sighed. “Alright then. Welcome to the family, Mr. Stevenson.” Mr. Stevenson’s eyes popped open at the mention of his name.

Lyra squealed in delight and nuzzled Bon Bon. “Thank you! Thank you sooo much! I won’t let you down. Do you think we can give him some stew? He seems to really like it, or at least the pot it’s in. Just for today! I’ll buy some pet food tomorrow.”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Come on, Mr. Stevenson. Let’s get you some dinner. After that, we can get some blankets together and make you a nice, soft bed. Much better than the ground.”

Bon Bon returned to the cupboards and pulled out another bowl. She looked back at Lyra, who was attempting to get the human to sit in a chair.

Oh, Lyra. I don’t think you realize the heartache you’re setting yourself up for.

The next morning, Lyra led her pet human through the streets of Ponyville, gently using her magic to pull his necktie like a leash. The ponies going about their daily business stopped to stare at the strange sight. Lyra beamed proudly, knowing she had the coolest pet in all of Ponyville. Maybe even all of Equestria. Mr. Stevenson looked to be enjoying himself. He would run ahead to look into store windows or sniff at the produce stands or give passing ponies those strange paper cards he seemed to have a limitless amount of. The most important thing was that he was behaving himself, needing only a quick tug of his necktie to come back to her side. See, Bon Bon? I told you I could do it!

The first stop of the morning was the pet store to pick up some much needed supplies. Lyra tried to ask the clerk behind the counter some questions, but he only stared wide-eyed at her human and proved to be very unhelpful. She would just have to look around the store herself.

Humans, from what Lyra knew, were some type of ape. Apes are a kind of monkey, right? She looked at Mr. Stevenson. He did bear some resemblance to a monkey. A large, tailless, furless, more hindlegish-standing kind of monkey, but a monkey nonetheless. It made sense that he would probably eat the same things as monkeys.

The pet food aisle contained a multitude of different food. Cans, bags, packets. Dry, wet, mixed. Healthy fur, healthy teeth, healthy skin. The choices seemed endless. Luckily, the bags labeled “Monkey Chow!” were easy enough to find.

“Hey!” Lyra called out to the front of the store. “Is it okay if I open this to see if my human likes it?”

The clerk at the front continued to stare at Mr. Stevenson and not say anything. Silence means ‘yes!’ Lyra tore open the bag, levitated a few of the pellets out, and sniffed them.

“I guess they smell alright. Here, Mr. Stevenson. Try one and see if you like it. It’s probably full of monkey stuff like bananas and... whatever else monkeys eat.”

Mr. Stevenson grabbed a pellet and looked at it suspiciously. He sniffed it, then gave it a tentative lick. His face immediately scrunched up is displeasure. He dropped the pellet and stomped on it.

“Okay, then... luckily there’s more than one brand. I’m sure you’ll like one of these.”

Lyra and Mr. Stevenson tried brand after brand of monkey chow, each meeting with Mr. Stevenson’s disapproval. They were on the sixth and final bag when, after the lick, Mr. Stevenson put the pellet in his mouth. Lyra held her breath as her human slowly chewed the pellet, swallowed, and, after a painful minute in which she had to start breathing again, nodded at her. For a moment, I was getting worried. I don’t think Bon Bon would like making vegetable stew every night. I glad I found something he li—yikes! Is this the price per bag? She looked at her human, who was eating another handful of pellets. She sighed. Only the best for my pet...

The other items she needed, a food bowl, a water bowl, and pet bedding, where easier to find and didn’t require Mr. Stevenson’s approval. The bed may have been labeled “For large dogs,” but Mr. Stevenson would fit easily inside it. She returned to the register to pay for her purchases. With the clerk still out of commission, she placed her bits on the counter and left the store, heading towards her next stop of the day.

Mr. Stevenson paused at the library’s front door. He tentatively placed a hand to the tree’s trunk, then pulled it back as if he got burned. He looked at his hand, rubbing his fingers and thumb together. With pursed lips, he set his hand back on the tree and then moved closer to place his ear against it. His brow furrowed as he let out a long throaty noise. Lyra couldn’t take it anymore and started giggling.

“You are so weird, Mr. Stevenson,” she said between giggles. “Let’s go inside.”

Lyra placed her pet supplies against the library and opened the door. The human jumped back and crouched behind her. He peaked out to bat a hand towards the door, getting more giggles from Lyra.

“It’s okay. It’s only a library,” she said as she walked inside. Mr. Stevenson cautiously followed her but stopped at the entrance. “Don’t worry... nothing to be scared of. I know it’s a bit weird having the library in a tree, but you get used to it. We’re going to see Twilight. She’s a nice pony. You’ll like her.”

Mr. Stevenson grunted and walked indoors, looking about in wonder. The sound of hooves on steps drew the pony and her human’s attention to the stairs and Twilight descending them.

“Oh, hi, Ly—woah!” Twilight said, coming to a stop halfway down the steps.

“Hi, Twilight,” Lyra said with a smirk. “I see you see my new pet.”

Twilight continued down the stairs. “Pet? That’s a human!”

“I know. Cool, huh? His name’s Mr. Stevenson. I found him yesterday.”

Twilight’s mouth opened and closed, trying to form words. She finally settled with “Oh?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I was hoping you had some books about humans I could borrow. Maybe something about training?”

“I’ll... see what I have.” Twilight’s horn glowed as several books came off the shelves. She looked at each cover before sending them back to their place and fetching more. “What is he doing?”

Lyra looked at Mr. Stevenson, who was alternating between looking at his watch and knocking on the wall. “I think he’s just a little weirded out about being inside a tree,” Lyra said. “He’s still getting used to living in Ponyville.”

“I see... you know, humans don’t normally live with ponies... since they’re wild animals, after all.”

Lrya rolled her eyes. Ugh, she sounds just like Bon Bon. I’m not a filly anymore. I’m fully capable of taking care of a pet.

“Just saying,” Twilight said, catching the end of Lyra’s glare. “I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

The books stopped flying around and returned to their shelves, leaving one book in front of Twilight. “I’m afraid this is all I have. Humans aren’t very common in Equestria, and not many researchers that step into the Everfree Forest step back out. The Royal Library might hold more information, but this should be enough for you to get started with Mr. Stevenson.”

A grunt came from Mr. Stevenson, who was walking towards Twilight. He crouched down and presented his card.

“Uh, n-no thank,” Twilight said, backing away. “I’m fine.”

Mr. Stevenson frowned and thrust the card forward, grunting more forcefully.

“Really, I have all the strange pieces of paper from humans I can use,” Twilight said, then looked past the human at Lyra. “What is he doing?”

“I don’t know. Just take the card.”

Mr. Stevenson reached into his shirt and pulled out a stack of cards. He flexed them between thumb and forefinger, spraying them in a surprised Twilight’s face.

“No, Mr. Stevenson!” Lyra yelled, tugging on his necktie and placing herself between him and Twilight. “No! Bad human! You do that outside! A-actually, no... you don’t do that anywhere!”

Lyra gathered the cards, her cheeks burning red. “I’m so, so sorry, Twilight. He’s usually friendlier around strangers. I’m still trying to teach him to behave. Are you okay?”

Twilight rubbed her nose and sniffed once. “Yeah, I think so. I don’t feel any paper cuts. What are these things?” She floated a card to her face.

Lyra looked at Mr. Stevenson, who stood by the entrance, shuffling around and frowning. “They’re his cards. He’s been giving them to random ponies. I still don’t know why.”

“Well, no harm done. I’ll just keep one to make him happy. Here’s the book.”

Lyra grabbed the book with her magic and looked at the cover. “Enigmatic Entities of Equestria’s Everfree.”

“There’s not much about humans in there. Only a few pages,” Twilight said.

“Thanks, I’m sure I’ll learn something. I’ll return it when I’m done. Sorry again.”

Lyra hurried across the library and led Mr. Stevenson outside. She tried to glare daggers at the human but found his miserable look too much. She sighed and passed the stack of cards up to him. He’s like a giant puppy that I just kicked. She yelped in surprise as the human fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around her neck, and pulled her into a hug. A few ponies walking about slowed their steps to look at Lyra. She placed a hoof on Mr. Stevenson’s back and gave him a quick pat. “There, there. We,um... we all make mistakes. Just don’t do that again, okay?”

She waited a few more seconds for the human to let go. It became apparent he wasn’t going to on his own. “Come on. Ponies are staring,” Lyra said, pushing lightly against his chest. Mr. Stevenson released his arms and frowned at her.
“I’m not angry. It’s my fault too. I still have a lot to learn about taking care of humans. Let’s go home and have some lunch. Afterwards, we can go play in the park.”

Lyra gathered her supplies and looked up at Mr. Stevenson, whose lips had curved slightly into a smile. She gently tugged his necktie, getting him to fall into step with her. On the way home, he didn’t pass out a single card.

“Alright, Mr. Stevenson. Reeeaady? Fetch!”

Lyra let the stick loose with her magic, sending it flying across the park. She looked at Mr. Stevenson expectantly, who just stared back at her. She nodded her head towards the stick a few times, hoping her pet would get the clue. He didn’t.

“You can do it, Mr. Stevenson, it’s easy,” Lyra said, walking in the direction the stick had gone. “Just watch me!”

She bounded through the grass, past the trees and other ponies, searching for the stick, only slowing when she got to where she had seen it land. I know I threw it somewhere around here... ah! There it is! There’s the stick! Excitedly, she bent down towards the stick and stopped with her mouth about to grab it, suddenly realizing many pairs of eyes were on her. Her cheeks heated as she got back up and chuckled weakly.

“Just, uh... just showing my pet how to fetch a stick. Heh heh...”

Before Lyra’s cheeks could get any redder, she grabbed her stick with magic and galloped off towards her human. Way to go, Lyra. What? Are you the human’s pet now? She stopped in front of Mr. Stevenson, the grin on his face showing more amusement than she would like. She rolled her eyes and waggled the stick in front of his nose.

“This is a stick. See?” She moved the stick a little more rapidly. “You want the stick.”

Mr. Stevenson grabbed the stick and sniffed it. He turned it back and forth, grunting every so often as he poked it with his other hand. Finally, he brought the stick behind his back and began scratching himself, thumping his foot and making noises of relief. Lyra frowned and waited a minute for him to finish. “Are you done yet?”

Mr. Stevenson stopped his scratching and looked down at Lyra, then back at the stick. His eyes widened and he gasped as realization dawned on his face. Yes! He’s got it! Lyra’s smile faded as Mr. Stevenson drew his arm back and whipped it forward, sending the stick flying across the park. He looked at Lyra expectantly, who just stared back at him with an open mouth. He nodded his head towards the stick a few times, hoping she would get the clue. Unfortunately, she did.

“Come on, Mr. Stevenson. I think that’s enough fetch for today.”

“Wow, did you know that humans are most closely related to the great apes of the southern seas?” Lyra asked between bites of her salad.

“I do now,” Bon Bon replied. “I really wish you wouldn’t read at the table.”

“Huh? Oh! Sorry. This is all just so fascinating.” Lyra kept her nose buried in the book as she read the next paragraph. When she had finished, she shut the book and set it on the table. She stared at Bon Bon with her biggest grin.

“Read something interesting?”

Lyra nodded quickly. “Only something that explains everything about humans! They’re mimics! Monkey see, monkey do! That’s why Mr. Stevenson sometimes copies me. That’s why he wears clothes. Humans must have seen ponies wearing clothes and decided to copy them!”

“Given the ratio of ponies that regularly wear clothe and those that don’t, shouldn’t more humans be naked?”

Lyra frowned slightly at her theory possibly being debunked. “I don’t know. I guess. Maybe they all gave it a try and decided they liked it? But that also explains his tie and watch. Those things are definitely pony made.”

“So they’re thieves?”

“What? No. Maybe. The point I’m trying to make is that they like to act like ponies!”

Bon Bon shook her head and looked Lyra in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Lyra, but should I be excited about this?”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “If humans can act like ponies,” she said, holding her fore hooves to one side, “then they can live like ponies.” She moved her hooves to her other side. “Mr. Stevenson will do better here than he ever could out there!”

“If you say so.”

“I’m going to take him around town tomorrow so that he can experience as many ponies as possible.”

“I thought you have practice tomorrow.”

Lyra’s face lit up. “That’s perfect! He can come see me play!”

“I’m not so sure the theatre lets animals in.”

Lyra shook a hoof. “He’ll be really quiet. He can sit in the seats. He’s gotten really good at that. I’ll show you! Mr. Stevenson!”

“You don’t need to show me.”

“No, I can also show you this trick we came up with. Mr. Ste—oh! There you are.”

Mr. Stevenson walked into the kitchen and looked between the two ponies. Lyra pulled out a chair with her magic and patted it.

“Sit, Mr. Stevenson. Come on, boy. Sit!”

Mr. Stevenson looked at the chair and approached it slowly. He moved one shaky leg over the cushion and then lowered himself down. The chair creaked under his weight.

“Lyra, I don’t think he should—”

“Okay. Watch this.”

Lyra lifted a cookie and placed it on the bridge of Mr. Stevenson’s nose. The human went cross-eyed, staring at the cookie.

“Lyra, those are for after dinner.”

“Mr. Stevenson already ate.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Bon Bon said with a sigh. “Besides, I don’t think humans are supposed to eat chocolate.”

“Isn’t that only dogs?”

Bon Bon stared blankly for a moment before rolling her hoof in the air. “Carry on.”

“Okay, Mr. Stevenson. Stay. Staaaay.”

Mr. Stevenson continued to stare at the cookie, drool leaking from his mouth.

“Staaaaaaay... now!”

Mr. Stevenson reached up with his hand, plucked the cookie from atop his nose, and took a bite from it. He smiled, crumbs falling from his mouth, and ate the rest of the cookie in one bite.

“Isn’t that the coolest thing ever!” Lyra squealed. “Look how he uses his hands for simple problem solving!”

“Yes... amazing,” Bon Bon said.

The lyre’s stings plucked rapidly, its harmonious melody reaching out through the crowd of other instruments, trying to find the violin. The violin stopped her dance with the clarinet, suddenly interested in the newcomer. The other instruments backed away, eager to see what this new pairing could do.

They started slow; there melodies wrapped together, neither seeking to overpower the other. Instead, they worked together, playing off each other’s strengths while covering for the other’s weaknesses. They twirled together, faster and faster as the piece built to its climax. Finally, the rest of the instruments grew quiet as the lyre and violin shared a high note. Their dance as its end, they whispered their goodbyes, and the music faded.

The stage remained silent for several seconds.

“Bravo,” the conductor said, then louder, “bravo! This was the best performance yet! Keep this up and we’ll have the audience crying in their seats. Especially you, Silversong.” The violinist’s eyes widened at suddenly being singled out. “The way you were able to harmonize with Lyra was perfect! We may just have to keep you as first chair violin, even after Fair Wind returns.”

Silversong blushed whiled the musicians around her gave their quiet congratulations. Silence returned when the conductor tapped his baton against his podium. “Settle down. This was a good start, but we still have several pieces to get through.” He raised his baton into the air and waited a moment. Satisfied that everypony was ready, he lowered the baton but came to a screeching halt when a sharp clap sounded from the empty seats of the theatre. The clap repeated itself every second or so. The conductor sighed into his hoof.

Lyra hurried off the stage and into the auditorium to where she had left Mr. Stevenson in one of the seats. The human stood and was opening his arms wide, only to bring his hands together in a loud smack. He smiled down at Lyra but didn’t stop his applause.

“Mr. Stevenson!” Lyra hissed. “Please! You have to be quiet! You can applaud at the end.”

“Is there a problem, Lyra?” the conductor asked. She looked down at him and the rest of the annoyed-looking orchestra. “If you cannot quiet your pet, then please take him outside.”

A few more hushes and downward motions with her hoof, and Mr. Stevenson sat back down. He smiled at Lyra and then looked out at the stage. Lyra quickly returned to her chair, keeping her head down and hoping she wasn’t blushing too bad.

“Sorry,” she said. “He’s still learning when he’s supposed to applaud.”

“This is the second time, Lyra,” the conductor said, scowling. “One more interruption and you’ll have to tie him up outside. The theatre isn’t a place for pets.”

“I know, sorry,” she said as she raised her lyre, hoping they could just forget about her human and get on to the next piece.

Bon Bon scrunched her eyes as she woke up. By the feel of things, it was still too early to be awake. Cracking open her eyes confirmed her suspicions; the sun hadn’t even risen yet. Still, something had woken her. Some sound. She perked an ear to listen. For a minute, she heard nothing besides the rhythmic breathing of Lyra beside her. She nuzzled back into her pillow and was about to try to will herself asleep, when she heard the noise again. Is that... scratching?

She sat up in bed. Sure enough, more of the scratching noise came from down the hall. It’s that human. I’ve barely gotten a good night’s sleep this past week because of him. If he’s not whining because of a thunderstorm, he’s knocking over his food bowl, or scratching on doors. Why is he scratching on doors? What could—oh no...

“Lyra!” she whispered, shaking the unicorn. “Lyra, wake up. Your pet needs to do his business.”

Lyra mumbled something unintelligible, rolled onto her back, and snored loudly.

“Lyra! Get up before your pet has another accident.”

Lyra batted a hoof at the air and mumbled, “...in the morning...”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes and got out of bed. “Fine. I’ll just take care of your pet,” she said as she exited the bedroom.
Mr. Stevenson stood in front of the bathroom, scratching at the door. Bon Bon eyed the human. They can be toilet trained but can’t understand how a handle works. What is with these things? At least Lyra didn’t need to buy a litter box. I don’t even want to think of what a creature this size could do to one. She made a show of pushing down on the handle to open the door. The grateful human ignored her and rushed inside. He looked back at her and grunted, flicking his hand in her direction.

“Fine. Just don’t use so much toilet paper this time,” Bon Bon said and then shut the door.

She fell back on her haunches and slumped against the wall, resting her head in an attempt to get a few more seconds of sleep. She would have to talk to Lyra again about her responsibilities, but, for now, she only wanted the human to hurry up. She nodded awake at the sound of flushing. Finally. She rose to her legs and was about to open the door when another flush sounded.

Bon Bon knocked on the door. “Mr. Stevenson? Is everything alright in there?”

The sound of another flush was the reply. Bon Bon had had enough and opened the door. “Mr. Stevenson, what is Equestria are—”

Mr. Stevenson flushed the toilet again, sucking a string of toilet paper off the roll and down the plumbing. His grunts sounded like laugher as he clapped his hands together. He flushed again.

“Mr. Stevenson! No!” Bon Bon yelled. The human spun around, grunted, and flicked his hand towards her. “Don’t you shoo me! Bad human! Bad! Human! Get out!”

She pushed at the human’s legs until he finally moved on his own and left the bathroom. She groaned at the mess he caused and then noticed the water beginning to fill up the toilet bowl. Oh no... don’t... The water reached the brim and overflowed onto the floor.

“Lyyyraaa!”

It took nearly an hour of plunger work and soggy hooves, but Bon Bon had managed to defeat the clog. She watched the last of the mushy toilet paper as it went down the drain, then threw the plunger into the corner with more force than necessary. Her hooves dripped with what she hoped was only water. She hastily dried off, then stomped out of the bathroom. The bedroom was empty, leaving only one place for Lyra to hide.

“Lyra!” Bon Bon yelled as she stormed into the kitchen.

“Morning, Bon Bon,” Lyra said from her bowl of cereal. “You finally done in there? I really need to use the bathroom.”

“Lyra, we need to talk.”

“Sure. About what?”

“About what? About that!” Bon Bon said, motioning to the human sitting in front of a bowl of monkey chow.

Lyra looked at the human and then back at Bon Bon. She frowned slightly. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that I spent the past hour cleaning up a mess that your pet made. He was flushing the toilet paper because he found it funny!”

Lyra’s eyes widened. Her mouth open and shut a few times. “B-Bon Bon, I’m sorry! I didn’t know that’s what you were doing in there! It was only my first slip up!”

“Lyra—”

Lyra hushed over to Mr. Stevenson and stood in front of him with her legs spread out. “You can’t make me get rid of him. It was only a little mistake. I’ll do better!”

Bon Bon took a deep breath. Don’t get mad. If you get mad, she’ll get defensive, and when she’d defensive, she acts stubborn. Change the topic. You need to get her to be the one to decide.

“Lyra,” Bon Bon began softly, catching the unicorn off-guard, “I’m not going to make you get rid of Mr. Stevenson. Although... have you noticed anything strange about his behavior lately?”

“Strange?” Lyra looked at her human, who was still eating. She turned back. “N-no. Nothing strange.”

Your eyes tell me that you noticed too.

“Really? You haven’t noticed him being more aggressive around strangers?”

“H-he’s a guard human. He keeps us safe.”

“What about the things he’s broken?”

“Just accidents,” Lyra said weakly.

“And his restlessness around the house?”

“He’s fine!” Lyra’s eyes were tearing up. “He’s just adjusting!”

I’m sorry, Lyra. I have to do this.

“It’s been over a week and this behavior is only getting worse,” Bon Bon said, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady. “Remember the second condition you agre—”

Lyra shut her eyes tight and shook her head. “He’s not unhappy! He likes it here! He... he just needs some vitamins, or a change of diet, or-or something. Twilight’s having the Canterlot library check for books. They’ll have something on humans. Everything will be fine. You’ll see! Come on, Mr. Stevenson. Let’s go have fun.”

Bon Bon watched Lyra lead Mr. Stevenson from the room by his necktie, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She winced at the sound of the front door slamming shut. A moment later, the door reopened, and Lyra walked to the kitchen doorway.

“I... I need to use the bathroom first.”

Lyra spent most of the day with no real goal besides avoiding Bon Bon. She hated when they fought like that. Especially since it was usually about stupid things and she was usually the one that was wrong. Well, I’m right this time, and Mr. Stevenson isn’t a stupid thing. He’s my pet. I love him, and he loves me. Bon Bon would love him too, if she’d only give him a chance.

She walked down the market, stopping at shop after shop with no intention of buying anything. Mr. Stevenson behaved himself, at least, staying close to her side.

It took a while, but she started to notice the ponies she passed acting strangely. They would stare at her or give her a wide breadth, often crossing the street when they saw her approaching. She looked up at Mr. Stevenson, whose eyes darted from pony to pony. He whimpered slightly.

Ugh, this is stupid! It’s time to put an end to this. Lyra approached a flower stall run by Daisy. The earth pony saw Lyra’s approach and backed away. She tripped onto her haunches but still scooted herself backwards. Lyra scowled at Daisy and continued to follow the fleeing pony until she ran into a wall. With no place left to go, Daisy just shivered.

“Daisy, just what’s—”

“Keep that monster away from me!” Daisy squeaked and hid her head under her hooves.

“Why are you afraid of him? Does this look like the face of a monster?” She pointed up at Mr. Stevenson, who had his watch next to his ear and was shaking his wrist up and down.

“He dug up all my flowers!”

Lyra held a hoof to her head and sighed. “You’re still upset over that? I helped you replant them.”

“P-please, just go!”

“Fine!” Lyra turned away from the cowardly pony and stormed off in a huff. “Don’t care about her, Mr. Stevenson. She’s scared of everything. I once heard tha—oof!”

Lyra fell to her rear. She groaned and looked around for what she had crashed into, spying a filly rubbing her head across from her. “Oh! I’m so sorry, kid. I wasn’t looking where I was going. You okay?”

“Yeah,” the filly said, lowering her hoof. Her next word froze in her throat as her widening eyes turned upward.

“He’s not scary!” Lyra quickly said to the filly, then turned to Mr. Stevenson. “Quick! Do something not scary!”

Mr. Stevenson stooped down with hands on his knees. Even crouched over, he still towered over the trembling filly. He reached into his shirt’s pocket, pulled out a card, and placed it atop the filly’s muzzle. Lyra smiled nervously. So far, so good. Mr. Stevenson extended his hand towards the filly and grunted, sending the filly scurrying in the opposite direction. Lyra hoofed her forehead. “Let’s... let’s just go get something to eat before you scare anypony else.”

Lyra led Mr. Stevenson from the market towards her favorite café. What’s up with everypony? What is it about humans that freaks them out? Sure, he may smell funny and... well, I guess he does look a little weird. And he has been grunting at ponies if I’m not around. And... and he is technically a wild animal. Lyra shook her head quickly. No! Don’t start thinking that way. The other ponies just need to get used to him. They haven’t spent as much time around humans as I have. I may take a few weeks, but... Lyra’s thoughts trailed off as she saw a new sign hanging outside the café. She ran up to it.

“Hey! What gives?” Lyra yelled to a passing waiter.

The waiter shuffled his tray from his mouth to his back. “Is something the matter, ma’am?”

“Yeah. Why’s this sign say ‘No pets allowed?’”

“Be-because no pets are allowed, ma’am,” the waiter said, his eyes shifting to Mr. Stevenson.

“It wasn’t here yesterday.”

“Yes, well... the management decided to adopt a new policy. We had some complaints about the actions of, er... certain pets.”

Lyra narrowed her eyes. “You mean about Mr. Stevenson.”

“I, uh, wasn’t privileged to the exact details of the change. You are free to come back, however, once you leave your... pet... at home.”

“Forget it,” Lyra said as she turned away. “I wasn’t hungry anyway.”

Lyra continued walking and saw many other restaurants and cafés had taken up a similar policy about pets. She frowned and slowed her walk to a shuffle. She could be stubborn all day and not eat, but that wouldn’t be fair to Mr. Stevenson, who was probably getting hungry too. “Hey, Mr. Stevenson?” Lyra looked up and didn’t see the human above her. Panic gripped her. With how badly ponies were reacting with a human following her, it would be much worse with a human alone. “Mr. Stevenson? Where are you?”

She looked about and spied the human back down the road, walking in the other direction. “Mr. Stevenson!” she yelled as she chased after him, quickly catching up. She gave his necktie a tug, making him stop.

“You can’t wander on your own like that. Our home is this way.” Lyra gave another light tug, but the human continued to stare into the distance. “What are you looking at? That’s the edge of town. Nothing past there except some grass and—”

The Everfree Forest.

Lyra felt her heart skip a beat. She moved in front of Mr. Stevenson. “Come on, Mr. Stevenson, y-... you don’t want to go that way. Home is in this direction.” She walked a few steps and gave another tug. “You want to come home, right? We-we have food there, a-and we’ll have fun! Just you, me, and... and Bon Bon. We’re a family. Please, Mr. Stevenson? Please come home.”

One last tug and the human turned to follow her. Lyra smiled, but the pit in her stomach remained.

Lyra gasped as she woke from her dream. She sat up, breathing heavy, and felt a chill travel down her spine as the night-air cooled her sweat. She looked at objects in her bedroom. Her lyre in its case. The horrible yellow curtains that Bon Bon had picked out. The soft quilt across the bed. Bon Bon herself, shuffling a little but still asleep next to her. Familiar things. Calming things. A dream... just a dream. Nothing bad happened. She slipped back under the covers and stared up at the ceiling. As she calmed down and felt sleep returning, she heard a noise. Is that... coughing?

Lyra climbed out of bed, being careful not to wake Bon Bon, and walked softly out of the bedroom. From the hallway, the sound of coughing grew louder. She followed it to the den, where Mr. Stevenson’s bed lay. “Mr. Stevenson?” she called, softly.

The human looked up at her. His whole body shivered, even with the blanket on him. He started to get up but fell back down with a fit of coughing. Lyra rushed to his side and lay down next to his bed. She placed a hoof across his forehead but didn’t feel any heat. “W-what’s wrong, boy? A-are you thirsty? Let me get you your bowl.”

She lifted the bowl with her magic and set it next to Mr. Stevenson’s head. He looked at the water and stretched his neck towards it only for another wave of coughs to come over him. “I-I need to get somepony. A doctor. Or a vet. Or...” She looked towards the doorway and the earth pony standing within it. “Bon Bon!”

Lyra got up, nearly stumbling, and rushed to Bon Bon. “Mr. Stevenson’s sick!” she said. “We need to take him to the vet!”

Bon Bon didn’t look at the human. She kept her eyes fixed on Lyra and softly said, “Lyra.”

Lyra turned her head back to Mr. Stevenson. “Don’t worry, Mr. Stevenson. The vet will fix you up. You probably just need some pills. O-or a shot.”

“Lyra,” Bon Bon said again, a little louder.

“Everything will be fine! The vet will make you all better. Then we can go back to running around and playing, just like before. You liked that, didn’t you?” Lyra turned around. Her eyes shook as tears welled up. “He’s going to be fine, right?”

Bon Bon stepped forward and pulled Lyra into an embrace. Lyra trembled, her tears breaking free, and wrapped a foreleg around Bon Bon to hold on tighter. “You knew this was happening, Lyra.” Bon Bon’s voice wasn’t accusing. She was simply stating a fact she wished she didn’t have to. Lyra could only nod into her mane.

“It’s not your fault. You did better than I thought you would. But... humans are wild animals. They don’t survive well in captivity.”

“B-but why?”

Bon Bon didn’t speak for a moment. Instead, she just stroked Lyra’s mane. “Imagine if you were in his place,” she said, still stroking slowly. “Imagine if one day you found a seapony and followed it into its magical undersea kingdom, where you became the Queen of the Seaponies’ pet. Even if they took care of you. Even if they gave you everything you could ask for. How would you feel?”

Lyra didn’t answer. She knew exactly how she would feel never seeing her friends, family, or loved ones again.

“If you love him, like I know you do, you know what you have to do.”

Lyra nodded again, still holding onto Bon Bon and not wanting to let go.

The outside air had helped the Mr. Stevenson’s condition. The further they traveled from Ponyville, the more excited he seemed to become. He knows I’m taking him home... that I’m setting him free. The journey through the forest remained uneventful. Most of the really nasty things didn’t come out until the night. She followed the trail, taking the turns that were required, until the thick canopy overhead opened up.

“We’re here, Mr. Stevenson,” Lyra said, her voice monotone. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the human.

The valley was the same as always, a peaceful little pocket far different from the horrors of the rest of the forest. The sun could shine down here, helping the grass and flowers grow to their rich, vibrant colors. A few bands of humans roamed about, mostly staying close to the narrow river that ran the length of the valley. Looks like there’re fewer humans out today. I wonder where they live? Maybe in the forest, or underground, or... I guess it doesn’t really matter.

Lyra let Mr. Stevenson lead the way to two humans that were dressed similar to him. The humans stared at each other, grunting and slowly getting closer. Both humans reached into their shirts and produced a rectangular card. They slowly extended their cards outward and then simultaneously snapped the other’s card from their hand. The humans looked at the new cards and sniffed them. They then smiled and shook each other’s hand, grunting and nodding in approval.

“I get it now,” Lyra said. “It’s a greeting ritual. For when you meet someone new, or... maybe someone you want to be your friend? We were friends, right? You... you don’t hate me for taking you away, do you?”

Mr. Stevenson grinned down at Lyra, who could only chuckle and shake her head at his mirth. You don’t understand a word I’m saying. She opened her saddlebag and pulled out a small gold-colored box, passing it up to the human.

“Here,” she said. “It’s a going away present.”

Mr. Stevenson turned the box around, grunting in awe as it reflected the light. Lyra used her magic to pop open the lid. Mr. Stevenson’s eyes widened. He reached into the box and pulled out a wristwatch. “This one actually ticks, so you can get rid of your broken one.” He slipped the watch over his wrist, then beamed at Lyra, showing off his dual watches. “Or you can just do that.”

The two humans had taken notice of them. They kept their distance, squinting at them and pointing. Lyra pushed at the back of one of Mr. Stevenson’s legs. “Go on. Go make some friends.”

Mr. Stevenson took a few steps forward but stopped to look back at Lyra. “Go on!” she repeated more forcible, hoping her voice wouldn’t fail on her. “You’re free. Don’t make this any harder than it is.”

She took a few steps back, only to have Mr. Stevenson follow her. “No you stupid human. You—” He dropped to his knees before her, then reached up to his neck and loosened his tie. Lyra felt her tears welling up as he removed the tie and placed it over her head. He tightened it comfortably around her neck and gave a sad sounding grunt. She wrapped her forelegs around him. “I’ll look for you! Every time I come back, I’ll look for you.”

Lyra broke the embrace and wiped her eyes. “Goodbye, Mr. Stevenson. For now, at least.”

After producing two cards from his pocket, Mr. Stevenson walked away from Lyra.

Bon Bon listened to the sound of her front door shutting softly. She stepped from the den to see how Lyra was faring. The tie around her neck and drooping posture told Bon Bon all she needed to know. “I’m home,” Lyra said, looking up from the floor.

“Welcome back.”

Lyra shuffled down the hall and stopped in front of Bon Bon. “I’m sorry for any trouble I caused.”

Bon Bon gave Lyra a quick hug and said, “You didn’t cause any trouble. Nothing big, anyway.”

Lyra smiled weakly. “Yeah... I also want to say thank you, for helping me do the right thing.”

“I’m proud of you. Giving up something you love is one of the hardest things to do in life.”

Lyra nodded and returned her eyes to the floor. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m going to go lie down. I kind of want to be alone for a while.”

“Of course, although, before you do, there is something I’d like you to see.”

Lyra’s head perked up. “What is it?”

“One of the reasons I didn’t want you keeping a human for a pet, besides it being a notoriously difficult to care for wild animal, was because I didn’t think you could be responsible enough. Over the past week, you have proven to me time and time again that I was wrong. That’s why, while you were gone, I stopped in at the pet store.”

Lyra shook her head slowly. “Thanks, Bon Bon, but I don’t think I could replace Mr. Stevenson so soon.”

“I understand. We can always take him back.” Bon Bon backed through the doorway, motioning for Lyra to follow. “However, would you like to see him first?”

Lyra stepped into the den, where a small, white, plastic box with a caged door sat atop the table. Lyra walked up to it, squinted inside, and said, “I don’t see anything.”

“Open it. It’s a little dark inside.”

Lyra lifted the pin and opened the cage. She stepped back with a startled yell as a ball of dark brown fur leapt out of the cage and climbed on top of her head. Bon Bon tried her hardest not to laugh at Lyra’s wide-eyed expression. The creature gripped Lyra’s horn and leaned over, looking at her upside down.

Lyra’s face instantly lit up. “It’s a monkey!” she said.

Seeing Lyra smile again made Bon Bon’s heart swell. “A spider monkey to be exact. Much easier to care for than a human. I figure he’ll be both of ours. We can share the responsibilities.”

Lyra sat down on the couch and held out her forelegs. The monkey hopped down into them and began rubbing his head against her chest. “What’s his name?”

“I was hoping you could come up with one.” Bon Bon crossed the room to sit next to Lyra.

“How abooout... Mr. Stevenson Two?”

Bon Bon giggled. “Maybe just ‘Steve’ for short?”

“Sounds good.” Lyra smiled at their pet. “Welcome to the family, Steve.”

(Trying to) Set the Rules

[Ctrl-N]

Rule the First: Concerning Lavender Unicorns

Really?

Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, or LUS, is often found in nhhjgf

You people try far too hard. Monty Python and Lord of the Rings?

Stop pressing backspace, it won’t work. Just try and be civil, eh?

wat

Impressive. Three lines into a writing guide, and we’ve already abandoned spelling, capitalization and punctuation.

Do try and pull yourself together.

Alright then. Who are you, and why can you edit this? Actually, why can’t I edit it back?

Because I just said it, of course. It would be impolite to go back in time. Oh, forgive me, where are my manners. Perhaps we haven’t met?

I think I’ll call you Mr.Unhelpful. Can I at least go back and change the bit that looks awful?

I’m afraid it all looks awful, there’s not even anything resembling a proper paragraph yet.

‘Perhaps we haven’t met?’ I recognise that. Ohno. Nonononononono.

Not quite as dumb as you loo

[Ctrl-N]

Rule #1- Concerning Lavender Unicorns

Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (LUS)

So, only half my advice was worth taking?

Still here? If you mean the Bilbo Baggins introduction, then yes. It stays.

Talking of introductions, this seems a little brief. No self-deprecating author’s note, not even a title. That turns readers right off, you know.

Since when did you offer constructive criticism?

Oh, you and your ‘friends’ are causing quite a bit of chaos and confusion. I’d like to... spread it around a little more. Now write it again, but presenting it properly.

You’re inserting dramatic pauses into written dialogue? I’m not listening to anything you have to say.

Fine. Have it your way.

[Ctrl-N]

Discord’s Guide

Fear not, my little humans, for the time of salvation is at hand. I shall lead you, a light in the darkness of the tyranny of mediocre writing, a breaker of the chains of awkwardly imposed semicolons, a slayer of

That isn’t better. No-one likes arrogance in an author. I’m trying to help people out here.

You don’t like arrogance, yet you’re writing a guide, holding yourself above everybody else? Also, you were about to write nopony there. Don’t try to deny it, we all saw.

At least I’m not hailing myself as the Second Coming of Christ. Please leave me alone, I have work to avoid.

Ooh, how bitingly sarcastic. If you’re going to be so rude, then very well.

Arrivederci!

My deepest apologies to any readers. I’ll do my best to get this back on track.

Rule Number One: Avoid Lavender Unicorn Syndrome.

Seriously folks, I mean this one. Don’t describe characters when you can just name them. Anything else breaks

Track? This isn’t a train, silly!

But I didn’t...

Didn’t write me? Of course not. I saw you writing two ponies, and thought you must be lonely, because if there isn’t anyone to write the other pony, you must not have any friends to to do it! So I came to say hi!

Oops, silly me!

Hi!

I have friends!

You do?

Yes!

Now you have one more! I’m Pinkie Pie, but all my friends call me Pinkie!

I was afraid of that.

Soo, if you have friends, why are you trying to write as two different ponies? Ooh, ooh, I know., are you trying to be a hipster postmodern hipster groovypants?

There’s a difference between writing outside the box and being postmodern for no reason, Pinkie. How do you even know the word ‘postmodern’?

Teeheehee, it was lying around. And you know it, so I know it too. Can I have a go at writing a guide too? Pretty please?

Be my guest. What do you mean, ‘you know it, so I know it too’? I’m not writing you.

No, but he is.

[Ctrl-N]

PINKIE PIE’S PURPLE PROSE PROFILERATION
The very mostest super-duper important thing to remember when writing is to have fun! If you loved loved loved writing it, all the lovely little readers will too. Unless they’re all grumpy and mean. Cupcakes cure meanies. Can you write a cupcake?

Pinkie!

Yes?

I can hear you fluttering your eyelashes. Stop it, you’re a horse. Now, who’s ‘he’?

The author, silly.

Now, if you can’t write a cupcake to cheer somepony up, the next best thing is to describe one. Use as many great big describing words as you can, and heap them all up into a pile of sugary succulent sweetness!

I’m the author! And I will not have anyone

Anypony.

Fine, anypony. I will not have anypony

Gotcha.

Out. Now.

The sheer yumminess will definitely bring them out of the dumps, and straight back into your story!

I will not have anypony telling people, or ponies, to use purple prose in my guide. The bit about having fun was good, but you have to let the reader imagine for themselves. Give them just enough to form their own picture.

Now that’s just silly. My purple prose drove four ponies, a mule and a griffon to sabotage.

That was the donuts, not you. Bet you couldn’t have done it without those eclairs being there, either. There isn’t anything actually there to describe in a book, and I’d rather not have people drooling all over their keyboards.

Meanie.

Now, can we get this straight? I’m the author. I write this. You’ve... joined in.

You’re The Author, not the author. Besides, you’re not even very good. Neither is he.

I’m competent! That was some good writing with Discord, right there. Lots of humour.

It could have been a teeny-weeny bit better.

Oh yeah?

Yep! That ‘wat’ just looks out of place, and you recovered far too quickly. Come oon, who just starts talking to somepony in their computer?

It’s hard to type ‘surprise’. I can hardly put interrobangs everywhere, no believable character would be cynical enough to be typing normally just after meeting some kind of dimension-crossing force.

You seemed fine.

Real people don’t have to be believable characters. Just look at Bono from U2, what a Mary Sue.

What’s a Mary Sue? And you must be very cynical. Right after I jumped in, you used capitals and three dots after the sentence.

You don’t know that, and you were still trying to write my guide. F’nah, I say to you. F’nah. As for the ‘dots’, just shows how taken aback I was. I never use ellipses.

She’s right, you know.

Hang on, I was at least writing you before. Are you messing around, Pinkie?

Me?

Oh, be quiet. What my delightfully random little pony is trying to communicate is that you are a character in a story. Just like us. The only difference being, you’re in denial.

Nope, pretty sure I’m writing this.

Noo, noo. You think you’re writing this. It’s your character. You’re inside a hipster fanfic about writing hipster fanfics. Can you do that? Can you hipster twice?

So, I can accept the word of a fictional pink pony talking through the medium of Google Docs, or everything I’ve ever been led to believe, including the fact I exist. Sorry, but no Matrix.

Pure egotism. If you aren’t writing Pinkie, then why is she communicating entirely in tired cliches? Or typing like she would talk? In fact, can you even remember what you did yesterday, or is it a bit of a blank? Hmm?

This is all just the lack of sleep. I’m going to bed.

[Ctrl-Alt-Delete]

This may have looked like fun to write, but it wasn’t.

Hipster.

VOTING

Public voting closes 08 May 0:00 UTC.

Only vote on fics that you've read.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/5YWHV8Q

Once public voting closes, the top five stories will be sent to a panel of selected judges to determine the winners.

Don't forget to check back to see who the winners are.