Waking Up

Chapter 10: Feelings

By: Calamity Jay

"Thing is, I don't know what I'm feeling. Its been such a long time since I've actually been this close with anyone. And well, the truth is..."

It had been some time you and Applejack were walking down the road back to Sweet Apple Acres. You were not sure how long it had been considering the fact you were borderline drunk. True, you may have only had a few to make sure you would not get shit faced in front of everyone at the party and make a fool of yourself. All the way back to the farm you and Applejack had very little conversation, you were stumbling here and there due to your slightly inebriated state so you had very little thought for conversation. However she would laugh every time you mumbled some incoherent sentence involving who knows what? In fact you had almost forgotten why you were going back to the farm in the first place, but when she had begun nuzzling your thigh from time to time on the way back, a certain part of you remembered why.

There was one thought in the back of your mind that kept bothering you while you were walking along with her.

What did she think about what you said about her? It was true you meant what you said about her being special, but did you truly have deep feelings for her? Great, see what happens? Sex just complicates things! Now in the back of your head you were wondering if you should have even agreed to doing that little 'experiment' in the first place. Your life has certainly become more interesting, albeit stressful as well, but definitely more exciting than your life back on Earth. After what seemed like hours of walking, you finally reached the farm.

"Well, we're back," AJ says as you walk past the gate and onto the trail. "So, ya ready to plow that field Ah was telling ya about?"

She looks back at you with a sly smirk.

"Uh maybe, as I always say," you come from behind and scope her up in your arms, cradling her head in the crook of your elbow. She is surprisingly light. "I will see what I can do," you then kiss her on the nose.

"Alright then lover boy, show me what you can do then," she bops you on the nose with her hoof. "Oh and by the way, when we start ruttin' could ya keep muh hat on?"

"So, you want me to make love to you while wearing your own hat? Any particular reason why?"

"Ah dunno, you look mighty fine with muh hat on. Besides, Ah think it'd kinda fun,"

"How so?"

"Cuz, you'd be riding me, and..." she points to the hat. "You'd be wearing my hat, kinda would remind me of a rodeo," you huff out a laugh as she says this. Finally you reach the farmhouse.

"So, your room? Or the barn?" you ask.

"Nah, let's go to the barn," you start walking over to the big red barn. "Ah'd really hate to wake up Granny and the others,"

"Why? Are we really that noisy?" you ask with a smirk.

"You can get pretty loud Leroy," she giggles as you push past the doors with AJ still in your arms. "Let's go towards the back, where the hay pile is," you do as she says and make your way to the back corner of the barn. On the way over there, you turn her around in your grip so that you are face to muzzle with her. Immediately, she wraps her hindlegs around your midsection, her forelegs around your neck, and she pulls you in for a kiss. You instantly feel you own desires take hold as you grab her by the flanks. Reaching the bed of hay, you gently lay her down and continue passionately kissing her, slowly moving down to kiss and nibble at her chest and neck. She starts to groan and gasp as you work on her body like an instrument, passionately making sweet music with her. You proceed to slide further down reaching her soft belly, closing in on her breasts. However, before you could reach you target, she spoke up. "Hey, Leroy?" she gasps out.

"Yeah? What is it?" you ask moving up until you are face to face with her again. "Am I going to fast? Want me to slow down?"

"N-no,  Ah just need to ask ya something right quick?" she presses a hoof to your chest, so you take that as a sign to back off a bit. Although your buddy downstairs wholly disagreed with this turn of events, you fight your urges and listen to her.

"Alright," you get off her and lay down on your side facing her, propping yourself up with your elbow. "I'm all ears,"

She takes a deep breath. "Listen uh, Ah've been thinkin' about things for a little while now. And Ah need to know one thing hun,"

"Yeah? What is it?" you didn't like where this was going. Although you were most likely thinking about the same thing as she was, which is about your relationship with her, you do not want anything to spoil the moment.

"When you said all those things back at the party about me, didja really mean all of that? Were ya sayin' the absolute truth?"

Now it was your turn to take a deep breath. You take a moment to think carefully about what to say next; one wrong word could completely ruin your future relationship with Applejack. The last thing you wanted was for this nice night to end badly. So you proceed with caution.

"I meant every single one of those words Applejack. And its true I haven't known you for long, but there's just something about you that I just can't get enough of. Its as if, the first day I met you, I could not stop myself from seeing you again. That time where we were talking in my hospital room, it had been so long since I've talked with real friends. I mean sure, I would have drinking buddies back on Earth, but friends that are actually friends. Not just people to get drunk with,"

"Hmm, Ah see what ya mean sugarcube. So, ya really meant all those things ya said about me?"

You smile. "Every word, I promise," you kiss her on the nose.

"Well, Ah'm glad you were honest with me, but Ah feel its now time for me to be honest with you," oh no, here it comes. Its over! Game over buddy! Hello rejection, goodbye love! "Ah just wanna say, Ah'm sorry," wait what?

"Sorry? What could you possibly be sorry for?"

"Ah'm sorry for what Ah did! What we did when we first met! Ah feel terrible for doin' that to you," she looks away from you in shame, a hint of tears in her eyes. "Ah know that Ah didn't force ya to do it, but Ah feel like Ah did!"

"Look," you grab her chin and gently pull her gaze towards you. "You did not force anything on me okay? I was just as pent up as you were and both of us were looking for relief. But believe me, I felt bad afterwards as well,"

"Really? Why?"

"Because, I felt like I had used you and argh- I'm sorry I'm really bad at this," you take a moment. "Back on Earth, I had only been with one other girl, but the thing is, it wasn't real at all. We both just used each other thinking that it was love, but rather than love it was lust. After we had realized that, we just stopped talking and I lost touch with her. And it doesn't help that my parents never really showed me any love either,"

"What are ya tryna say, Leroy?" she asks with an arched brow.

"What I'm trying to say is," you can't find the right words to say. "I just- I don't, ugh I don't know what to say really,"

"C'mon sugarcube, tell me," she strokes your cheek with her hoof. "What's on your mind?"

"Honestly, its what's going on in my heart, rather than my head," you chuckle, holding her hoof in your hand. "But, the honest truth is that, it had been so long that I had loved or been loved. So long in fact that, and I know this is gonna sound crazy, but-" you hesitate to say what you're about to say.

"C'mon now, let it out," she coos, encouraging you to speak what you feel.

"I-" you begin to choke up, remembering all the pain you felt when you had to leave your parents, when you found out your first love was only out of lust, and the pain of feeling alone. Finally, the dam broke and you let out everything you had inside. "I- I forgot what love actually feels like!" you bow your head so she would not have to see you shedding tears. Come on now man, be strong...

"Whaddaya mean ya forgot what love feels like? How can that be?" she picks up your head and you see she has a worried expression on her face. "Leroy, was it really that bad on your world you actually forgot what love feels like?"

"Yes," you say, choking back a sob. "I can barely remember what it was like when I was with my parents, but when I left them and never talked to them again. The years went by and I just turned into a cynical, cantakerous, grumpy old bastard. I spent most of my days working or getting drunk at a bar. And when I wasn't at a bar, I was just alone in my apartment, just watching days go by,"

"If it was that bad, why didn't ya look for somepony? Somepony to make you not so lonely?" she suggested.

"Remember when I told you about my first intimate relationship?" she nods. "Well, after me and her broke up, I was just so afraid of an intimate connection with someone else, that in the end it would all be meaningless and for nothing. I didn't want to feel that again, that feeling that I was just using someone for sex,"

"So is that what you felt with me?"

"Honestly, yes," you look deep into her eyes, showing her that you were honest. "I started to think about what happened between you and me, that same feeling of me using you came back up. After that I wanted to do everything I could to make sure you weren't feeling used! Please, just understand that I didn't want to hurt you," you bow your head once again, tears beginning to streak down your cheeks and sobs escaping your throat. Applejack lifts your chin again and this time you see something unexpected...

She was smiling... She had tears in her eyes... But she was still smiling at you with a loving smile...

"Now you listen to me here now," her emerald gaze was boring straight into your heart and soul. "Ah am absolutely touched that you went to so much effort to make sure that Ah didn't get hurt. No stallion had ever done that for me and you, Leroy Evans, have shown me that you are more than a stallion," she nuzzles you gently. "You are a human. With a heart as big Ah've ever seen. And that, is something that Ah've always wanted from anypony," she leans in and kisses you on the lips. With tears still in your eyes, you kiss her back with all the heat of your passion. Deep within your chest, you feel a certain burning sensation as you kiss her. Something you had not felt in such a long time, as if a fire was being rekindled within the kiln that is your heart. Before you had only felt the rush of lust, but now you were feeling the soft warmth of love coursing through your body. And it felt absolutely heavenly...

You finally pull back and she looks up at you. "Let me get up for a sec, Ah wanna show you somethin',"

"Alright," you roll off her and she get up on all fours. She walks over to a sort of ladder that leads up to the second floor of the barn.

"Well," she begins to climb the steps of the angled ladder. "Ya comin'?"

"On my way," you get up and shake off the excess hay on your pants and shirt. You walk over to the ladder and begin the climb up to where Applejack was now waiting. As you reach the last step and pull yourself up, she begins to trot over to a large open window sill that sat at the front and center of the barn. Applejack reached the big squared window and sat down on her rump. She looked over to you and patted the spot next to her, motioning for you to sit. You walk up to her and do so, letting your legs dangle over the edge of the window. "So what are we up here for?"

"Just look in front of you for a sec," she says, smirking.

"Okay then," you look out and see an amazing sight in front of you. The moon looms in the sky, illuminating all the ground below it. From here, you could see the entire orchard, seeing the lines of trees stretch for miles. Off in the distance, you see the lights of Ponyville, most likely the party had already ended. Its a breathtaking sight and you marvel at the beauty of it all. "Wow, this is quite something alright, beautiful view," you close your eyes and breath it all in, smelling the scent of the farm itself.

"Its on nights like these Ah come up here by muhself and just look out over the orchard. Every time Ah look at this big ol' farm, Ah remember that its all up to me and muh brother and sister to take care of it all,"

"But, what about your parents? Aren't they helping too?" you immediately regret saying this, seeing that her face takes on a grim expression. "What's wrong? Oh, wait I get it. I know that look. Its a touchy subject isn't it?" she nods at looks out at the sky.

"Been a long time since anypony asked me that. Only ponies that know about that are me, muh brother and sister, Granny Smith and everypony else in our family. Never told anypony else about what happened, not even Twilight or Rainbow or anypony,"

"Really? So, I'm guessing it was something terrible then?" you asked, pulling her close to you.

"Yeah, you could say something like that," she leans her head on your shoulder. You kiss her on her forehead, stroking her mane with your hand. A few moments pass, the both of you sitting in silence, enjoying Luna's moonlit night. "Hey, Leroy?"

"Yeah?"

"Ah'm guessing you're kinda curious about what happened aren't ya?" she asks, looking up at you.

"Um, well I don't know I mean..." you scratch the back of your neck.

"Leroy, ya can't lie to the Element of Honesty," she says, smirking at you.

"Alright," you exhale. "I guess you could say that I am a bit curious. Its just, what happened that was so terrible?"

She looks for a moment before she pulls away from your arms and turns to face you, her gaze locked onto yours. "Leroy, if Ah tell ya this, you have to promise me something,"

"Okay, what is it?"

"Ah have never told this to anypony that ain't family. So that's why, you gotta Pinkie Pie swear that you won't tell no pony else,"

"Pinkie Pie swear?" you ask, tilting your head in confusion.

"Follow my motions and repeat after me," you nod and focus on her. "Ah cross muh heart..." she crosses her heart with a hoof.

"I cross my heart," you imitate her motions.

"Hope to fly," she raises her hoof slightly in the air.

"Hope to fly,"

"Stick a cupcake in muh eye," she presses her hoof to her eye.

"Stick a cupcake in my eye," you finish off by pressing your hand to your eye as well.

"Alright, so no telling anypony else right?"

"Right," you caress her cheek. "I promise,"

"Ah'm glad to hear that," she turns once again and looks off into the distance. "Well, If Ah'm gonna tell ya what happened, might as well start from the beginning..."

*Scene Break*

*Applejack's Point of View*

Ah always thought that things would be good and stay the same way forever as long as Ah lived. But, fate's got a funny way of not going the way you want, no matter what ya do. Back then, when Ah was a little filly, Ah thought everything in the world was all fine and dandy. Ah was under the impression that nothin' bad would ever happen to me or muh family. But Ah guess, fate has a horrible way of proving ponies wrong.

It was around the time Ah was already old enough to earn muh cutie mark, Big Mac had already gotten his, so of course he helped Pa with most of the work around the farm. While Ah did the light work with Ma and helped her cook meals and bake apple pies and other treats to sell at the market. Ma had just given birth to Apple Bloom, so while we worked the farm, Granny Smith would be taking of muh baby sister. Things were going fine, we would wake up, work, sell at the market, come back home, sleep and do it all over again the next day. Ah was happy, Pa was happy, heck muh whole family was happy with our lives.

But, like the saying goes, all good things have to end some time. Ah remember Pa had said we all had to go on the road to Appleloosa to visit a family member of ours. At the time Ah was so happy because I'd be able to visit cousin Braeburn again, so we loaded up the wagon and set off for Appleloosa. Granny stayed behind to watch over the farm while we were away. Pa was pullin' the wagon along the dirt road leadin' to the ol' town and we were singing songs on the way over there. Huh, Ah loved the way Ma sang, she sang so beautiful and Ah couldn't help but sing along when she started. It was funny though, 'cuz Big Mac wasn't no singer, so only me, Pa, and Ma singin' our favorite songs. Ah remember one of them.

"Ah'll be seein' you, down by the end of this old road"

"Ah'll be seein' you along the way, maybe the next day"

"Cuz when you trot down this old road, lookin' for a place to go"

"Maybe Ah will see you, a little further down the way"

"Cuz all roads lead to somewhere, a place you could call home"

"And when you reach the end, of this long ol' road"

"Maybe Ah'll be seein' you, at the end of this old road"

"Oh yes Ah will be seein' you, all the way~ back home"

That was Ma's favorite song and we sang that same song at least three times on the way to Appleloosa. We traveled for about three hours, before we reached a forest. Right away Pa got real nervous, so he started to pick up the pace so that way we could clear the forest quicker. By the time we entered the forest, it was already gettin' dark and there were rain clouds comin' up quick. We were about halfway out out the darn forest, but then I guess the Pegasi decided it was time for a good thunderstorm right then and there. So Pa trotted even faster just so we could get out of there faster. Ah remember Ah could see the exit pathway out the forest and we weren't too far from it. But then, the worst thing that could've happened, did happen.

Outta nowhere, three Timberwolves had come out of the bushes and blocked our way out of the forest. Ah remember Pa telling Ma to grab Apple Bloom, telling Big Mac to go with me and Ma so we could get away. And of course, Big Mac wanted to stay and fight alongside Pa, but he just told him to do as he says and get on out of there. One of the darn wolves lunged right at me, but Pa stopped it and bucked 'em right in it's muzzle, breaking him into twigs. That's when the other two wolves started to attack. Right away, Pa told us to get the hell out of there, right as one of the wolves jumped on him. Ah ran to help him, but Mac had stopped me, draggin' me along with Ma and Apple Bloom.

Very last thing Ah saw, was Pa trying his damnedest to fight off those wooden beasts. In muh heart Ah knew he could beat 'em, muh Pa was the strongest pony Ah ever did saw. But of course, fate's gotta funny way of making you suffer. Ah remember, Apple Bloom was on Ma's back, while we galloped for our lives. Ah thought we were gonna get away and Pa would beat those Timberwolves and we'd all be happy again. But as fate would have it, things didn't go exactly as Ah wanted. We were almost out of the forest, but then, two more Timberwolves appeared out of the forest. We were all terrified, we didn't know what to do. Before Ah knew it, Ma was tellin' me and Big Mac to take our little sister and get away. Ah didn't wanna leave, Ah didn't. Ah was scared, Big Mac was scared, and Ah was pretty sure the way Apple Bloom was cryin', she was scared too.

'Fore Ah knew it, we were runnin' as fast as we could out of the forest and on the way back home. Ma had drew away the wolves and lead them deeper into the forest. And we ran. And ran. And ran. And ran. We ran til our legs didn't wanna move anymore. Somewhere along the way, it had stopped rainin' and we were on the trail back to Sweet Apple Acres. Ah had no idea how much time went by, but when we got back to the farm, we were filthy and our bodies were exhausted. Ah remember Granny had to nurse us back to health. When we told her what happened, well, you can pretty much guess what happened. Big Mac was worried about Apple Bloom and how she was doin'. But me, Ah was blind and deaf to the rest of the world. Ah felt like a part had died. But, deep in muh heart Ah had hope that Ma and Pa would make it back to the farm and we would be happy again. As Ah've said, fate had different plans for us.

Ah remember always tellin' Big Mac and Granny that Ma and Pa would come back in one piece. Ah remember them tellin' me that they weren't comin' back. Ah remember sayin' they were wrong, that they just didn't believe in them. Every night, Ah would come up here and sit at this very spot, just prayin' and waitin' for the day that Ma and Pa would come back. That Pa beat them and Ma got away. But, days turned to weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. It had took me years to accept the fact they were gone. That they weren't comin' back. Now, all Ah can do is just sit here, rememberin' every single vivid memory of Ma and Pa. All the songs we sang together. All the pies me and Ma baked. Every time Pa would read to me under a tree on his free time. He was gonna do the same with Apple Bloom when she was old enough. But, as you can see, that never happened. And Ah had to face the cruel reality of it all. The rest of our family had been told of the news, and everypony gathered here at the farm for a funeral. Even though they never found their bodies, we still held a funeral service. In remembrance of them, we had planted a Red Delicious tree in the south field. Every harvest, we would buck the apples off of that one first, in honor of their memory.

Ah know, that even though they ain't here with me, Ah'm sure they're somewhere else, just waitin' for us to be together again. And one day, Ah'll see Ma and Pa again...

*Scene Break*

*2nd Person*

"Even to this day, like we're doin' right now, Ah always come up here every night and think about 'em" she says, finishing off her story.

"My God," you wipe a few tears streaking down your face. "That was, I-I am so sorry about your loss Applejack. I never thought you'd been through that much suffering,"

"With time all wounds heal sugarcube," she nuzzles you. "Oh and that hat you're wearin'? That was Pa's hat,"

"What? It is?" you take off the hat and look at it.

"Yup, look at the inside of the hat,"

You flip the hat around and look at the inside of the worn Stetson. Along the edge of the inside, you see a name stitched into the interior.

"Propery of Applebuck"

"Whoa, so this was your father's?"

"Yeah, its all Ah got left of him,"

"Wow, I gotta say I'm quite surprised you would let me wear this hat when its all you have to remember your dad by,"

"Well Ah trusted ya to take care of it and well you did. So thank you, sugarcube," she leans over to kiss your cheek. A thought comes into your head.

"What about your mother? What do you remember her by?"

She points to the entirety of the farm. "All of this, every single tree and the apples that grow from them is how we remember her. Her name was Sweet Apple. When she married Pa, he decided to name the farm after her, 'cuz he thought her name was the most beautiful name in the world. So that's why he named it after her,"

"Wow, that's beautiful," suddenly, you let out an involuntary yawn. "Oh jeez, I'm sorry AJ,"

"Oh its no trouble at all, to be honest Ah'm tired as well," she gets up and trots over to the ladder again. "Wanna turn in for the night?"

"Yeah sure," you follow her down the ladder and she leads you out of the barn and into the farmhouse.

You pass through the front door and into what looks like a living room, complete with a couch and a fireplace. To the left you see is a kitchen, spotting a table with chairs and a stove. Applejack leads you up a staircase and into a hallway. The hall splits up into a t-shaped intersection, with a dead end at both hall ways. You follow her and turn to the left and she leads you to the first door on the right, which is what you assume to be her room. At the opposite hall, you hear a low rumbling sound, what you assume to be Big Mac snoring.

"Quiet now, Ah'd hate to wake up everypony," she whispers to you. "Follow me,"

She leads you into the room. The door is a bit too short for you, so you duck slightly below it. The room is a cozy, medium sized room, with a full sized bed in the middle of the room right in front of the door. To the right of the bed is a window sill. On the right side of the bed is a night stand, with a couple of picture frames on it.

"Put muh hat on the rack will ya," she points to the rack to the left of the door.

"Sure," you take off the hat and hang it on one of the wooden hooks of the rack. You look back at her and see she is pulling back the covers. Right now that bed felt like it was calling to you. Begging you to sleep on it.

"Sorry, Leroy," she apologizes. You are a bit confused at her apology.

"For what?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah know Ah promised we were gonna rut tonight, but Ah'm just plum tuckered out," she then climbed onto the bed and stretched out on it. "So, are ya gonna get in bed or not?"

"Yeah, I guess so," you kick off your shoes. "Just let me get a little more comfy,"

"Ah guess Ah'll do the same," she bites on her hair band and pulls it loose, her mane falling over her shoulders.

You stop to look as you unbutton your shirt. "Wow, you look good with your mane down like that,"

"Aww, you are too kind," she giggles. You continue to undress taking off your blue shirt, you then undo your belt and slip your pants off leaving your skivvies and your white undershirt. "All nice and comfy?" she asks.

"I don't usually sleep like this, but unfortunately I forgot to pack some jammies," you chuckle. Its not like you had time to pack for a cross dimensional trip on the verge of death anyway.

"Right, well why don't ya come on over here so we can get some sleep, hmm?"

"Sleep sounds pretty good right about now," you walk over to the bed. Applejack scoots over to the other side so you can slide in. Your feet barely reach over the edge of the foot of the bed. Oh well, it would have to do. You pull the soft cool bed sheets over the both of you, encasing yourself in the soft silkiness of the sheets. You let out a sigh as you lay your head down on the pillow.

"Comfortable?" she asks. You turn towards her and smile.

"Yep, man I needed some sleep, its been quite a day hasn't it?"

"You could say that again," she agress, laughing.

"Its been quite a day hasn't it?"

"Ah didn't mean that literally Leroy," she giggles.

"I know, I'm just messing with you," you boop her on the nose.

"Alright alright, that's enough tomfoolery for today, try to get some sleep okay?"

"Sounds good, will do," you move in closer to snuggle closer to her.

"Alright, well goodnight sugarcube," she kisses you lightly on the lips and you kiss back.

"Goodnight, Applejack," you whisper back, holding her close and stroking her mane. It didn't take long before the blissfulness of sleep had taken over and you gladly joined Applejack in dreamland, sleeping the night away...