X-Ray Vision

by ap0nym

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Maud Pie, Sex, Daring Do, Tragedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Granny Smith, Romance, Apple Bloom
Length: 2582

Hello, everypony. My name is Ponrad Roentgen and I'm alco... gkhm... And I can see through all of you.

Pony-roentgenologist works in hospital of Ponyville. Usual pony. Usual roentgenologist. By the way he has a secret. What kind of?

Published 2015-02-02 01:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-11 10:55:30 UTC

Prologue

Prologue.

Ponrad Roentgen. Diary:

"...We all use the same words, but everyone understands in his own way.

Today my intake was typical of rural residents - representatives of all the famous probably in the whole of Equestria (Thanks to Celestial!) clan of farmers Apples: Applebloom - red main the little skeleton with a huge pink bow on top and her totally grey-haired Granny Smith ("But she really needs to replace her hip," I made myself a note, to look at her seedy life picture), which led to a snapshot of your home pet-dog Winona.

Taking their direction, as usual purely for the Pro forma question about what and how (I've already had an obvious result, and had one look at the animal, whose skeleton is in life-affirming chalk and without crystal clears the floor with her tail).

Pronounce normal patter: "The Animal on the table, clothes on a chair, aprons themselves in front, now can afford the film and will do it".

"How to wear aprons?"

"Legs in the armhole, apron covers the front, back, fastens with a button."

Went to charge the cartridge.
Returned.
Owners without aprons. On the table with the apparatus stands on four legs, feeling satisfied Winona. A dog wearing an apron. With both of its front paws trying to push in the armhole of the apron, The owners aggressively trying to fasten hooves button on the apron...

Well what would you do with them?.."

Equestria. Poniville.

For those visitors who periodically went to the bar for a fresh drink, it was a relatively young unicorn with a long slicked back black mane and no less a long beard, yellowish fur and mark on the back of the letter X representing the eye. He was sitting at this counter, with his legs under him and his tail the colour of coal. And drank. No, well as drank? Not too much. Someone's hoof came up suddenly to his shoulder (and came strongly up):

"Hello, Starswirl!"- this obscenely cheerful voice could only belong to one pony...

"And do not get ill, Dr. Goodall",- in a moment beside him at the counter there was already sitting a skeleton mare earth pony with a blue mane, which connected with the horse's tail with flirty drop-down on the forehead of the strand, and, apparently satisfied, she looked at him from the darkness of her eye hollows.

"How much can we do to make you call me just Mane?"

"Well, Justmane, here is a question for you ,how long are you going to call me Starswirl?"

"Right up to the moment when you will finally shave your broom!"

The unicorn made no answer, and only once venerated the mug, then silently gave to barcolt few coins. Immediately around the mare turned out to be a portion of the wonderful foaming drink. Apparently sensing his mood, she carefully asked:

"Something happened, Ponrad?"

"Well, you could say: I had Redheart."

Maine chuckled knowingly: about the severity nurse Redheart from hospital in the Ponyville legends.

"What is it this time?"

"Menstruation."

Filly, took a breath, choked and immediately coughed. Having no desire to become famous as the "Filly cider killer", the unicorn reached out with her hoof carefully, thereby returning the favor for his shoulder and making sure she was all right and then continued his story:

"Now pray tell, Mane, someone to look after the responsible radiation safety x-ray cabinet? Who, in his holydays is going to change the dosimeters and to resolve inconsistencies in the instructions? Which doctor to communicate with in the sanitary Department of radiation safety? Of course, the youngest doctor!"

"To be honest, I have nothing to understand," said Dr Goodall, a little hoarsely.

"Well, what is there to understand? Today Redheart comes to me and goes to the attack:

"You're doing x-ray studies?"

"Yes, we do x-rays of animals."

"And the owners are involved in the commitment?"

"Yes, they fix the animals in the picture."

"It means they are exposed to radiation?"

"Yes, they fall under diffuse radiation, we protect the owners aprons."

"And if this is the hostess and she's pregnant?"

"We ask fillies whether they are pregnant. Pregnant fillies are not permitted."

"And if they are pregnant and do not know it?"

"Uh-uh... how do you know? You propose to ask a gynecologist for help, but pregnancy is not immediately obvious."

"Here! To eliminate any possibility that they are pregnant, you should not allow fillies to commit animals, if it has been more than nine days since they have had a menstrual period after sex."

"So, stop! Excuse me, I need to ask fillies about whether they had sex, and what happened last month? And if she came with her husband or someone else, or she came with a foal-a-teenager?"

"Not only should, but must! All fillies of childbearing age! And not only ask, but also to note it in the outpatients log, in the special column, confirming their signatures! And, young colt, don't be shy ladies, forget the vulgar word "period", there is a great EQUESTRIAN (!) the word "MENSTRUATION!"

For some time the skeleton of Mane Goodall silently stared at the sight of Ponrad. The unicorn was even a little uncomfortable, but then the Mare burst out laughing, almost falling from her chair.

"Ah Yes Ponrad! Ah Yes you, sonova...!"

"What's funny for you? But somehow It was not very funny at the time..."- the unicorn muttered angrily making another SIP and looking angrily at the bottom of the mugs.

"Ponny, I think I know how to raise you up..."

"Dr. Goodall, please spare me from your veterinary stories..."

"I won't. Just shut up and listen,"- as if nothing had happened, the filly continued,- "the cat has brought me three broken legs.
Me: "Did you fall out of the window?"

Host: "Yes."

"Which floor?"

"First."

"???"

"Scared dogs jumped. He climbed up a tree. Peeling was afraid. Brought a fire truck. They had no ladders or towers. Only water hoses. They offered to knock the cat off the tree with water. Knocked him down..."

Unicorn, unlike his colleagues who had to take the collar more impressive dose in the chair could not resist. Mane sighed, grunted, and finally helped to drunkenly giggling Ponrad to stand on his hooves.

"It seems to me that some pony today already have enough red eyes..."

"Mane, you are silly filly, they always have me red ones!"

"Here I am about the same... come to take you home..."

"To your house, I hope?"

"You are too old for me, grandfather Roentgen. I'm granddaughter suitable. I am afraid it will make people talk. And actually you are really not to my taste. Now, if you shaved your beard..."

"No way!.."

Ponrad Roentgen. Diary:

"...When I was a student. Less talking, more listening (or it seems so to me now)...

Beginning practice after school. Exchange griffins (thanks to Celestia!). Part-time employment in some nameless veterinary cooperative. Me and my Teacher (Yes, with capital letters, and he's a little Griffin).

Fashion for Shar-peis.

Puppy Shar-Pei, the operation regarding the inversion of the eyelids of puppy is done. Let's go...

After three or four hours the owner and his pals flew with crossbows at the ready: "the Puppy died with the comfort of anesthesia. Chase coins. 3500 gold."

Paid (!).

The same evening I was sitting sadly with a bitter drink.

Teacher: "We made several mistakes."

Me: "What kind of?"

"We were not asked to bring a corpse, and maybe we got divorced!"

"Horse apples!.."

"We had to dissect a corpse in order to understand the causes of death and draw conclusions!"

"What the hay, right!"

"Puppy, young, healthy, Pei... we had to try to make him dinner... never tried dog's meat..."

"...Why?!"

" Well? DINNER FOR 3500 gold!!!"

Chapter 1

Ponrad Roentgen. Diary:

"...Bodyguards of celebrities are such... bodyguards: on the reception of the host animal which is a big, serious, confident skeleton stallion in a simple suit and clean shaven mane.

"Please wear an apron."

"Very kind of you, "armor".

"Well, the standard apron, 0,35 mm. Of course, there are certainly better ones with protection at the back... What are You, my colleague, familiar with aprons??"

"No, the ARMOR I wear on duty!.."

Moron (crossed out)... no, No - no brains, consider moron (underlined)..."

Equestria. Ponyville.

Every rational living being has his secrets, which sometimes he will not reveal even under pain of torture and the death penalty...

"Something wrong..."- doesn't matter pondered Ponrad lying at home on the rug in the guest room, nonchalantly looking with one eye on that severe reality that had thrown him out of the dream world. There was hate in every fibre, where he is now levitated the first under the hoof blunt heavy object...

"So, stop! One... eye?!"

With this unexpected thought Roentgen broke the spell and jumped to his hooves A piercing scream came from his skull ravaged by a headache. Why suffering? Just at that moment he remembered the events of last night and the reason why he now was forced to settle for monocular vision...

"The doctor Roentgen, may be you will permit me... to try?"- slightly tilting her head to one side, and in a voice which was mocking and irritating at the same time asked Mane Goodall.

She saw that the contest between the armed key stallion and the keyhole was totally unequal. Realizing that the forces were too unequal, and that the door lock also has a huge advantage over barely standing on the legs of the unicorn. The filly grabbed the key which was trembling in the air and instantly opened the door, thereby putting a solid point in this epic confrontation. Passing through the hallway, she turned on the light and once in the living room, Mane sat on the sofa with Ponrad and then looked around: at first glance what appeared to be an unremarkable ordinary room (a table near the sofa, a few chairs, a bookcase, mirror on the wall, flowers in a pot on the windowsill), was marked by a number of interesting details, noticeable only with careful study, but there was one thing, literally that stood. Paintings depicting ponies.

"No pictures,"- she corrected herself.

Many framed photos, giving them a resemblance to the portraits hanging on the walls everywhere. Each of them was attached to a strip of paper with the name attached. After reading a couple of them, the Mare was surprised to find that they belonged to her friends from Ponyville.

"O...kay to this subject we shall return... later, but for now..." she thought, turning to the unicorn who was already beginning to nod.

"Equestria causes of Ponrad. Hello."

Roentgen shook his head on hearing a familiar voice, dispelling sweet NAP. It had already hooked him and he stared at the source of the sound.

"Dr. Roentgen, you don't know how to drink!"- said the filly in an accusing voice. She was almost nose to nose with the stallion and looked at him expectantly blackish... failures... eye... valleys...

With great difficulty suppressing the urge to push her away and move, the unicorn swallowed convulsively. With an angry frown, the filly noticed all this.

"What's wrong with this stallion?"- Mane was thinking, glumly watching on Ponrad, and trying to analyze his behavior.

They had known each other for years, and she could confidently say that he was not someone who was a coward. The joke, voluntarily (!) to live a few years in the land of griffins, and in everyday hospital life Ponrad always was very together. He acted decisively whenever it was required by the situation, holding on with equanimity even with the same griffins when they got to the hospital. It is difficult to imagine a more obnoxious creature, than an ill Griffin! Well, except that maybe Rainbow Dash, a local celebrity, could be just as bad. This, however, is more the exception than the rule. Of course, the unicorn acted sometimes as a bitch, but show me who of us is without flaw? She definitely liked him, and all their communication indicated that it was mutual. Since the filly, though, returned from the Zerbican expedition, it was incredibly difficult for her to integrate into society. She even needed a psychologist... but still this injury, poisoned her life... Damned prosopagnosia!.. But now is not the place to speak about it.

"Well, if the mountain will not come to the pony, pony must go to the mountain,"- Confidently, Dr. Goodall suddenly leaned forward and hugged him by her one front leg, then kissed Ponrad. Yes, right on the lips.

Gentle and at the same time passionate (I never thought it happens) kiss caught the stallion off guard, forcing his eyes wide open and his mouth, too. Then, he immediately took the filly. Caressingly, the Mare's tongue entered his mouth, not allowing him to breath, persistently and playfully inviting his own tongue to such unbearable pleasant cooperation. Roentgen closed his eyes, relaxed, and finally responded to her caress, gently running a hoof through her mane.
When they broke the kiss, and he opened his eyes, saw a white skull of Dr. Goodall with a slightly broken mane, happily beaming at him with all her teeth, and it finally forced him to sober up. Or not?

"Mane, wait a bit, I have something to tell you. This is important,"- seriously said the unicorn.

"Something tells me that it can't be good," thought the filly with displeasure.

"And what is it? You don't like fillies? You already have one? You don't wealthy like a stallion? Oh, let me guess: You're not wealthy as the stallion who does not like fillies, and which, besides, someone has..."

Mane tirade was interrupted by the unexpected kiss that made now to obesity and, most importantly, silence.

"No, my little secret a slightly different sense," replied Roentgen, with drawing from her, and continued, under lecturing, "You see, Dr. Goodall, we adults pony, and I am completely sick and tired to hide it: to the patient to whom you feel so tender feelings, from birth, we can say suffers from a very rare disease, because everypony surrounding him seem to him just for one muzzle person..."

As the words of the stallion penetrated into the consciousness of filly at her puzzled muzzle gave way to a whole range of emotions: joy, confusion, amazement, disbelief, and... anger.

Only one question now occupied Mane: "What Discord?! How? Where he was able to learn about it, because it is nopony... I told nopony..."

The words of the unicorn became the earth pony as if mocking taunt, coupled with a slap in the muzzle, and now bloody red veil covering her eyes. The ensuing kick was not long to wait...

Ponrad Roentgen. Diary:

"...The Griffin. Growth, when sitting on his hind legs, bigger than me by almost two times. Put on his apron (which is double-sided, with a belt around the waist). And he keeps his hands (paws? but okay, let's have the hands...) at the seams, belt does not buckle up.

Griffin did not understand Equestrian, and I don't know anything (so I thought) in Griffonian...

What to do?

Wanted gestures to portray (Yep, "dumb foal gestures depicted that his name is Dick")...

But then he remembered the propaganda Stalliongrad movies about the war!

"Hande-Hoh!" I said.

The Griffin raised his hands, and with his full height of the bass is quiet and at the same time mockingly said:

"Celestia - kaput..."