Author's Note
If you are reading this, I have no words to prepare you for what you are about to read. I'm not sorry
Main Story: Hoof of Duty
Another dark night begins to settle in Canterlot as you put on your familiar guard uniform. For during the day, you are simply Anon. During the evening, you are the personal guard of the princess of the night.
Getting the job wasn't nearly as hard as the other guards would have thought. You simply needed to know quite a bit about the princess herself. Honestly, you were lucky to have gotten the chance at all. Once you met Luna in a 'Hoof of Duty' game, you simply proved your skills to her and asked if you could join her clan 'The Night's Watch'. You played dumb at first and acted like you didn't know it was her user name, even though the majority of the guards knew it well. Not because they were attempting to get to know the princess, like you, but because that was the surefire sign their team would lose if they faced her.
You and the princess pwned all those noobs, night after night. Yet, while a part of you simply wanted a promotion from your boring day-to-day job, something else slowly began to develop. You found yourself reading the papers to try and get a few pictures of her at public ceremonies. Which was silly, because she sent you a personal picture when you simply asked one night of getting killstreaks. You could hardily believe how easy it was. That's when it dawned on you that she had began to message YOU first when you got online.
It was shocking to you just how easy it was to converse with her. You two had a ton of things in common. When you revealed to her that you were a guard at canterlot castle, she went dead silent. She asked for your name, in which you kindly responded 'Anon'. She instantly recognized you as the human and revealed herself as the Princess of the Night.
You did everything you could to act surprised.
She immediately offered you a place on her private guard, which you immediately accepted. When you went to the interview, you aced every single question. They were almost worried that you were a stalker. Silly guards. You knew you had to get the horseshoe question incorrect. Even if you did know the right answer.
…
Okay, maybe you are a little obsessed with the princess, but it wasn't anything harmful. Plus everything changed once you two met in person for the first time. She knew that you were the only human in Equestria, but didn't know what you might have looked like, thanks to the guard uniform. Who would have thought that such a powerful mare would become so shy and short of words the first time you meet her?
After that, she asked to have you escort her around the castle and never leave her side. Somehow you always managed to make her giggle or pick up her spirits when she felt overshadowed by her sister. Maybe one of these days you will finally be able to tell her how you really feel.
Well, if one thing is for sure, it won't be tonight.
The last two weeks, since the latest Hoof of Duty came out, she has taken off her duties of a princess to hide in her royal quarters and get her rank up. Lucky girl. You haven't been able to play with her in months, thanks to taking your new position. Which was fine. You had been able to be with her in person rather than playing with her online.
However, the handful of days that you haven't seen her felt like years. Some things just can't be avoided, you suppose. She is royalty and you are simply her guard.
Standing outside her door is a boring job and the only thing that breaks up the quiet, uneventful shift of doing absolutely nothing is the occasional visit from sunbutt. Princess Celestia would stop by a few times during the day to bring a box to Luna and every time she would leave, her expression would be more and more concerned.
Oh shit! Enough daydreaming. Here she comes.
You stand up as straight as you can for the presence of the Princess of the Sun. Your eyes lock with her as you salute the ruler of Equestria. It's a little odd that Celestia doesn't seem that tired. It must be from all the time that she took care of the sun and moon all by herself.
"At ease, Anonymous,” the Princess says calmly. Lowering your salute and growing a bit more at ease, you turn to the princess. It wasn't particularly shocking to you that she called you by name, considering you are the only human in the guard.
"Yes, your majesty. Bringing Luna a care package this evening?" you ask curiously.
"That's right, but I have a request to ask of you," she replies, holding the box of items aloft by her magic. You stand up straight again.
"Of course, Princess. Anything," you reply. She looks at you with a smile, but concern does not leave her eyes and her body becomes tense.
"Not an order, Anonymous, but a request. Not from a Princess, but a concerned sister," she elaborates. Her words don't do much to help you relax. In fact, if anything, she made you more tense. What could she possibly want? Is it about Luna? "I've seen how she talks to you Anonymous. I know my sister very well and I think if anyone can snap her out of this... state, would be you."
"Her... state?" you ask, confused.
"I believe that it would be the most proper word for it... Yes,” the princess continues, trying to choose her words carefully. She levitates the box and places it in your hands. Parts of the box are very warm and other parts are freezing cold. "I will dismiss you from your post, if you can simply go in there and try and remind her who she really is."
You nod your head dutifully. "Of course princess."
Yet her words reeled in your mind. What does she mean by the way she talks to you? Does the Princess like you? You like her. That's a fact. Any of the guards in Canterlot could tell you that, but the Princess?
Now that just sounds like some sort of bad fanfiction.
"You and I both know you aren't really doing this for me, Anonymous," Celestia smiles and gives you a wink before turning away to return to her study.
“What's that supposed to mean?” you whisper as you look down at the box.
You stand in front of the massive doors to Luna's room with the box in hand. As you place a free hand on the door handle, your heart skips a beat for a moment. Were you really going to do this? This was the room of your love, and she could be in there.
What if you walked in at a bad moment? The scene plays through your head almost automatically.
"Oh Anon! Don't look! I'm all exposed..." Luna says, garnished in lingerie that accented all of her delicate curves and features. It would be just like one of your Japanese Animes from Earth. Naturally, the mental image of Luna's marehood enters your mind. An image that you made up. You wouldn't have a clue what it actually looked like. You aren't that bad of a stalker.
Come on Anon, get a grip on yourself. That would never happen.
As you turn the door handle, butterflies enter your stomach and you close your eyes. Taking a deep breath, you pull on the door and enter the room.
The first thing that hits you... is the smell. It smells like rotting food in here! What the hell?
You open your eyes and your jaw hits the floor. Dirty clothes, candy wrappers, pizza boxes and empty bottles of Colt-a-Cola are scattered all over the floor. Her royal bed lays unkempt with most of the pillows ripped off and blankets half on the floor. The curtains are pulled tightly closed, and the only light in the room comes from a small laptop, a television screen, and a few lamps in the back of the room.
"Just put it on the table Celly. Thanks," the princess grunts, her eyes unmoving from the glowing television screen where she just got a UAV.
You walk in disbelief towards the table sitting in the middle of the bedroom which has similar boxes sitting on it. Are you dreaming? What is thi-
"FUCK! JESUS CHRIST. HOW HARD IS IT TO FUCKING CAPTURE A POINT. YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS," the Princess screams at the television screen. You practically drop the box on the table. You've never heard Luna scream before. Let alone at a video game. You knew she had gamer rage... but...
Is this what she gets like when she shuts herself out for this long?
That can't be right, you two played all the time... and she never seemed like this. You nearly trip on an empty box on the ground.
Well, the least you could do is help clean up a little bit. You grab a few of the empty bottles and throw them into a larger box.
"CELLY! I SAID I GOT IT... jeez," She says with an exasperated sigh. "FUCK! NOW I DIED. THANKS SIS." She throws the controller on the ground and you can hear it shatter into millions of pieces.
This wasn't the Luna you knew. She would never use this language or have this poor of control over her anger.
"At least the food is here. I hope they didn't screw it up this time." She stands up and turns around. "Did you bri-"
When she sees you, her eyes light up, then immediately turn to a gaze of shock and regret. She jumps out of the light of the television, so that you can barely see her outline.
"Oh... Anon... I-I thought I instructed you not to enter,” she panics, frantically looking around the rom.
"Uh. No... you didn't," you said. “I'm just stationed outside your door when you are in your private quarters, Princess.”
"Oh..." she said. “I swear I thought I told you... was it yesterday? Last week?” she mumbles to herself.
"Besides, Celestia wanted me to check on you... to see if you are okay. She said you were acting differently,” you continued
"N-no Anon! I'm fine,” she nevously chuckled.
"If you would allow me to speak freely... You didn't sound fine when you thought I was your sister," you state bluntly. She lowers her head and turns from you.
"I don't want you seeing me like this..." she said quietly. “When I game too much, I get disgusting. I just get overwhelmed by the personality of online gaming and I just can't think straight. I'm hideous and I just dive deeper in my shell to play more and distract myself from the real issues.”
That's when you realized, this was your chance. This was the moment you could turn this into a cheesy romance scene from a movie. No amount of serious self-introspection monologue could stand up to what you were about to say.
"I don't care what you look like, because... because... Iloveyou!" you shouted. The words came out of your mouth faster than you could realize what you just said.
The room goes silent except for the sound of quiet gunfire coming from the television screen. It was if time slowed down as other stallions yelled 'faggots' from the television screen. This was hardily the way that you wanted to reveal your feelings to her, but it happened.
But why won't she say something? What have you done, Anon? Shit. She probably hates you. What if her sister was wro-
"D-do you really mean that?" she quietly mumbles. You swallow your doubts and decide it's time to lay it out on the table.
"Yeah. I-I've known for a long time..." Take a deep breath. "I-I haven't been so sure about something before in my life... I-I want you to be my... player two."
Aww shit. You fucking nailed it. She sniffs and you hear her voice begin to break.
"You wouldn't say that if you saw me right now... Just leave, Anon," she stutters.
The words sting you deeply, but you know that you can't give up now. She didn't necessarily say no. It's time to go double or nothing.
"No way, Lulu. I know what I'm saying and I mean it," you whisper, taking a step closer to her. She turns to look at you and you can see the light blue eyes that fill your heart with joy filled with happy tears.
"Anon... there is no way that I deserve you like this..." She whispers. Luna takes a few cautious steps towards you, but stays in the dark. You extend your arms wide open and smile.
"Come here..." you tell the princess.
The Princess couldn't take it anymore. The hard to get game had gone on for far too long. She leaps towards you and into the light.
And then, your heart drops. This was not what you expected at all.
Time seems to slow exponentially so that you can take in each and every grotesque feature. Luna easily gained a decent sum of weight since you last seen her. She wasn't fat by any means, but she would need to hit the treadmill if she were going to get it all back off. Her mane was completely knotted, oily and hardly resembled the starry night sky that she ruled over. It was bunched up into a pony tail that seemed to hang lifelessly off to the side of her face.
Her face seemed to glisten in the little amount of light that filled the room, completely covered in oil. You examine the two hooves that are aimed to wrap themselves around you and observe them completely covered in cheese-dust. She is wearing a hoodie to keep herself warm in the cold, dark room, that is heavily stained with soda and some other clear fluid.
For your own sake, you hope that it's mare juices and not drool.
Yet there is always one major issue with when life slows down. It tends to speed up right after.
Luna dive bombs directly into you and knocks you into the floor, hitting your head on the marble floor. Instantly a massive shot of pain shoots through your head. As you try to push away the stars that cloud your vision, you feel a set of lips press against yours and a tongue enter your mouth. Your senses go on complete overload.
Maybe it could be the putrid taste of rancid garlic breath in your mouth, or possibly just the smell of a Princess that hasn't bathed in a week and a half, but vomit sits at the back of your throat, drowning the butterflies in your stomach.
She pulls herself off of your to look into your eyes. If it weren't for her beautiful, innocent eyes, you would have swore that this was a completely different mare from the one you loved so dearly.
"Anon... you have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that..." she cooed. Words fail you as you look at what she has become. "Let us consummate our love on this special occasion."
"... Huh. What?"
She runs her tongue down your neck as she litters kisses down your chest towards your manhood.
On any other day, you suppose this would have been your dream come true. In fact, you HAVE dreamed about this moment. You were increasingly concerned that Luna had seen these dreams. Or, that perhaps, she WAS the Luna in your dreams. However, everything seemed to be different now. How could one pony become so unkempt? How did her sister not try to do something sooner?
Maybe if you just close your eyes, then you can imagine the Luna that you fell in love with. You do have to admit, if the hoodie was clean, it would have been a nice touch.
FUCK! STOP THINKING ABOUT HER GROSS ASS HOODIE AND HOW IT SHOWS OFF HER CHEETO HOOVES.
You feel your pants unzip, and Excalibur is released from his prison.
"Oh my... look at this epic loot," Luna whispers.
Did... Did she just? …
Okay it was kinda hot.
Her hoof begins stroking you gently as she begins to suck on the tipyour head. Damnit Anon, don't look. Don't look.
You glance down at the action and then immediately regret the decision. The sight of your privates completely covered with orange dust is going to haunt you as you shower for months. At least it feels pretty good. Just don't breathe.
God damn it. The smell of stale pizza is just too much to bear, and it's stopping you from going any farther.
"Luna... would we be able to go to..." You motion your head towards the bed with more worries about if you would regret this decision.
Luna lets out a loud squee and lifts you with her magic. Goddamn she can be cute sometimes. Even if she smells like a dead fish.
"Of course Anon... I'm ready for you to take me..." she says seductively, placing you on the bed. It takes every ounce of strength you have to not look at your cheese covered crotch again. She hops on the bed and prepares herself next to you for some missionary.
Maybe if you put on the charm, you can salvage this.
You move to the end of the bed and put on the best bedroom eyes you can. As you crawl up to your little piece of heaven, she begins to blush. Nearing her nethers, you think maybe that some good ol' fashioned foreplay could really make her night. You bring your face close and smell the most revolting scent of raw fish you've breathed in your life.
Nope.
Continuing to crawl up towards the princess of the night, you can see the visual disappointment on her face. Fuck.
You bite the zipper of her hoodie and pull it back down towards her marehood.
"Oh Anon... such a tease..." she whispers. The hoodie slowly comes off, which is probably the sexiest thing you've seen all night, if it weren't for the food crumbs that were filling the bed. As you return face to face with the final boss, you notice something about the battlefield that you didn't notice before.
Stains on the bed. Stains everywhere.
"Uh... Lulu... these stains." She blushes and looks away. "It's been lonely... and with you right outside..."
Well. It can't be any more awkward than the dreams you've had. You gulp as you stare at her crotch. Just eat it like a chili pepper. Fast, then cry about it later.
You begin to lick her winking clit and your mouth is filled with the taste of rotten milk and pennies. As you dilute it with saliva, it becomes NOT the worst thing in the world. Her pants and moans are better than you could have imagined in your dreams. If you keep your eyes closed, this is absolutely fantastic. Finally, after the longest 15 minutes of your life, she pants out.
"Oh Anon! I'm so close! Take me now!"
Instinctively, with your eyes close, you plunge your member deep inside of her. Thrusting as hard as you can, your mind clears of thoughts as sex takes over you. Her tongue re-enters your mouth, but you push past the taste. Nothing is going to ruin your mental picture now. Not when you are so close. You are SO close.
"Luna! I'm cumming!" you pant as you push yourself harder.
"Cum for me, Anon! Cum inside me!" she gasps.
You shoot your juices inside of her, as you feel her tighten hard around your member. The two of you lose yourselves inside of each others embrace.
"Mmmm... Anon... I love you,” she whispers in your ear.
"I love you too, Lulu," you smile, keeping your eyes closed.
You pull out of her and collapse on her bed. She sits up and gives new attention to your member. Luna begins to clean you with her tongue, when she giggles. You look down at her.
You see her take one long lick up your shaft and then looks at you dead in the eye.
"Dangerously Cheesy."
