Shill, Sheep & Shunting

by Brass Polish

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Granny Smith, Silver Spoon, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Pinkie Pie, Applejack
Length: 4423

Applejack has a full day of sheep herding, genealogical clarification, 20 questions, and demonstration intervention.

Applejack has a full day of sheep herding, genealogical clarification, 20 questions, and demonstration intervention.

Published 2014-12-28 00:00:25 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-28 00:00:25 UTC

1 Into the Pen

Sweet Apple Acres nearly always plays host to herds of cows, pigs and/or sheep which are in transit. They have been ever since Ponyville began to take shape in Granny Smith’s time. And boy does she have some stories about that. A lot of cows and pigs and sheep found it undignified to stay somewhere so… incomplete, as some pigs once said. After a while, Granny Smith gave up trying to fathom why creatures that spend the majority of their time covered in mud were being so judgemental, and instead trained herself to ignore their rude comments and give them a firm prod to keep them in line and get them in their pens. The Smith family had invested in a dog to help with the herding, but he was no longer around. Now the orchard had Winona, and she had Applejack and Big McIntosh to give her instructions when chasing visiting herds into one of the pens.

“Over to the left, Winona!” barked Applejack one morning as she and Big Mac were showing a large group of sheep to their temporary quarters.

A large white cloud was sprinting past the golden delicious trees towards the sheep pen. Applejack was driving it on the left, Winona was on the right, and Big Mac was bringing up the rear.

“Don’t stop runnin’, keep movin’!” Applejack shouted.

“What’s the hurry?!” panted a sheep running alongside her. “You late for a lunch date or something?!”

“Keep it quiet, buddy!” snapped Applejack.

The open door of the pen awaited the galloping sheep, and once they were all surrounded by the wooden fences, Big Mac shut the gate.

“Woo-wee!” sighed Applejack, wiping some sweat off her forehead. “This has gotta be the biggest buncha sheep we’ve ever had here.”

“Eeeyup,” agreed Big Mac, sitting himself down next to the pen.

“Still, I guess it don’t matter the size of the herd,” Applejack went on. “Granny Smith’s shepherding techniques never fail.”

“Uh, excuse me?” came a voice inside the pen.

“Yeah, what is it?” asked Applejack.

A head poked up from above the flock of sheep. Applejack’s eyes popped. Winona woofed energetically.

“Silver Shill?!”

“Nice to see you again, Applejack,” waved the unexpected visitor.

“What the blue, blank blazes are you doing here?” asked Applejack.

“I came on the same train as these sheep,” replied Silver Shill. “Guess I got caught up in the run from the station.”

Applejack and Big Mac watched as Silver Shill attempted to make his way to the gate.

“Excuse me,” he said as he approached a sheep who was in his way.

It was difficult for the sheep to clear a path for him. There was barely enough room in the pen for all of them.

“Just a minute,” said Big McIntosh.

He grabbed a shepherd’s staff and reached into the pen with it. Silver Shill grabbed the free end. With the wooden pole clenched between his teeth, Big Mac lifted Silver Shill out from the crowd of sheep, being careful to keep him away from the low-hanging branch from the tree next to the pen. He then set him down next to Winona, who ran around the visitor and barked excitedly.

“So, we ain’t seen you in a while,” said Applejack. “What brings ya here?”

“Well, I came across a newspaper from last winter,” Silver Shill said.

He showed the two farmers a clipping he’d brought with him.

“It says there was a hail storm and two yearlings nearly got caught up in it but were saved by two fillies,” he said.

“Eeeyup. That happened,” Big Mac nodded when he saw the page.

There in the photograph under the headline was Diamond Tiara with Pound Cake standing on her head, and Silver Spoon with Pumpkin Cake standing on hers.

“It says that one of those fillies is named Silver Spoon,” said Silver Shill.

“Yeah. We know her,” Applejack nodded.

“And it also says that one of the pegasi involved with the hail storm is named Silverspeed,” Silver Shill continued.

“I think I see were you’re goin’ with this,” said Applejack.

“You do, huh?” grinned Silver Shill. “You too?”

Big McIntosh shook his head. “Nnnnope.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t know much about my family line,” explained Silver Shill. “I thought maybe I might be related to Silver Spoon or Silverspeed in some way.”

“So that’s what ya came here for?” asked Applejack.

“I mentioned it to my boss and he said it might be a good idea to find out,” said Silver Shill.

“Oh, hey, ya got a new job!” beamed Applejack. “Glad to hear that, partner.”

“Thanks,” Silver Shill smiled. “I should start soon, but since my boss said he doesn’t mind if I ask around about Silver Spoon and Silverspeed, I guess I’ll do that first.”

“Huh. OK. Uh, Big Mac,” said Applejack, “do ya think you could handle the applebuckin’ by yourself for a little while?”

“Eeeyup,” nodded Big Mac.

“OK, then. I can take ya around town,” Applejack said to Silver Shill.

“Thanks very much,” said Silver Shill.

As Applejack led Silver Shill out of the orchard and into Ponyville, she expected they were meet Silverspeed first as she might have been in the sky with the rest of the weather team adjusting the level of sunshine coming into town. But Silver Spoon cropped up first. She was feeding some squirrels with her dad, who was the first to spot Applejack and Silver Shill.

“Look, it’s one of those soft drink sellers!” he exclaimed.

He sauntered away from his perplexed daughter and approached Silver Shill.

“You still in that business, sir?” he asked.

“Uh, I’m sorry?” Silver Shill gave a puzzled smile.

“That beverage you and your unicorn mates were selling. I forget the name of it. The Flim Flam Miracle Curi… Something Something. Oh, it was really tasty.”

Silver Spoon face-palmed.

“Uh, I’m afraid I’m not in that business anymore,” shrugged Silver Shill. “And that, uh, beverage has been discontinued.”

“Oh, pity. Oh, well. Uh, my name’s Silver Tuna by the way,” Silver Spoon’s dad shook Silver Shill’s hoof. “And that little filly is my daughter, Silver Spoon.”

“Yeah. Hi,” Silver Spoon waved half-heartedly.

“Hello. I’m Silver Shill.”

At last, Silver Spoon was interested.

“Are we related somehow?” she asked, walking up to join her dad.

“I don’t recall anyone with that name in our family, but that’s just me,” Silver Tuna scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Let’s see. Um, everyone in our family has had Silver in their name for about five generations. So it’s a fairly recent prefix of ours. How long has your family had Silver in its name?”

“Oh, well my family’s name suffix has always been Shill,” replied Silver Shill. “My dad’s name is Shiny Shill. And…”

“Wait a minute?” interrupted Applejack. “You knew your own family goes by Shill, but you still thought it was a good idea to come all the way here to talk to Silver Spoon’s family?”

Silver Shill shrugged. “My boss thought there was no harm in asking.”

“Well now, he didn’t know our family has gone by Silver for a long time until I told him,” said Silver Tuna.

“Sound kinda dumb to me,” said Silver Spoon.

“There’s nothing dumb about getting information straight from the horse’s mouth, young mare,” Silver Tuna said firmly.

By this point, Applejack knew that Silver Spoon wasn’t very pleasant. All the same, she had to agree with her that Silver Shill might not have put a lot of thought into this caper.

Silver Shill looked up. “There she is!”

Applejack looked up and saw the other pony Silver Shill had come to see. Silverspeed was flying alongside Thunderlane, the two of them chattering about something.

“Hey Silverspeed, you got a minute?!” called Applejack.

“Yeah, hang on!” replied Silverspeed. “I’ll talk to you later, Thunder.”

Thunderlane waved and flew away, and Silverspeed joined the discussion Applejack was taking part in.

“So you’re Silverspeed,” said Silver Shill, shaking the pegasus’ hoof. “The news article said you’d been suspended without pay. Nice to see you’re back at work now.”

“Thanks a lot,” Silverspeed smiled weakly. “It’s good to be back. So who are you?”

“I’m Silver Shill.”

“Huh. Is that all one word?” asked Silverspeed.

“No, it’s two,” answered Silver Shill.

“Oh. I thought for a second we might be related,” chuckled Silverspeed. “But my whole family’s always had one word names.”

Applejack frowned. “Can I see that news clippin’?”

Silver Shill passed it to her, and she quickly found Silverspeed’s name. She’d been hoping that the pony who’d written the article had made a typo and spelled it “Silver Speed”. But sure enough, it was all one word in this article.

“Again, you knew this, but you still came to ask?” Applejack demanded.

“Are you unhappy having Silver Shill around or something Applejack?” inquired Silver Tuna. “Does he rub you the wrong way?”

“No, I just think he jumped into this idea too quick-like,” said Applejack.

Speaking of jumping into things really quick…

“What’s going on over here?!” bellowed Pinkie Pie, excitement etched into her face. “You gathering a buncha grey ponies for some kinda grey themed party, AJ?”

“No, that ain’t it,” Applejack replied. “Silver Shill here wanted to find out if he’s related to any of these ponies.”

She indicated Silver Spoon and Silverspeed.

“Cool! More genealogy!” spluttered Pinkie Pie. “Let’s go to Twilight’s! She told me some of her records survived Tirek’s attack! Maybe we’ll get lucky and find one of their lists!”

“Do we have to?” asked Silver Spoon.

Silver Tuna sniffed. “You can sit this out if you like, but you did play a part in bringing Silver Shill to town. Aren’t you curious to find out if his theory is right or not?”

I’d hardly call it a theory, thought Applejack.

Silver Spoon had to admit she was interested, so she went along as Pinkie Pie led the way to Ponyville Castle bouncing merrily.

“This isn’t a clubhouse, Spike,” Twilight Sparkle remarked as she watched her trusty assistant pull six bottles of cider out of their mini fridge.

“I’m just being a good host,” said Spike, passing the bottles around to their visitors while he spoke. “You had your hooves full with the family records, so who else was gonna offer ‘em drinks?”

“Find anything?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Yes, I have the records of Silver Spoon’s family,” answered Twilight.

She laid the scroll out for her six guests to have a look at.

“There’s me,” Silver Spoon quickly found her own name on the long page. “And look! My cutie mark’s next to it.”

“Oh. We all have our cutie marks drawn next to our names,” remarked Silver Tuna. “This’ll make it much easier to find Silver Shill or Silverspeed on this list.”

At first, this didn’t appear to be the case. The four Silvers looked over the sheet several times over and there was no sign of any illustrations of a pair of coins or a bow and arrow.

“I guess this means these two aren’t part of our family,” Silver Spoon said at last.

“That appears to be the case,” agreed Silver Tuna.

Silverspeed nodded and turned to Silver Shill. “That’s too bad. You came all this way for nothing.”

“Oh well.” shrugged Silver Shill.

Applejack twitched. This revelation didn’t seem to faze Silver Shill at all.

“You gonna be heading back to work now?” she asked.

“Not much else I can do, I guess,” said Silver Shill. “But I want to thank you all for going through the trouble to help me find the information.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Silver Tuna, raising his cider bottle. “Here. To the name Silver.”

“To the name Silver,” repeated Silver Shill, Silver Spoon, Silverspeed and Pinkie Pie.

All but Applejack’s bottles were drained. It seemed to her like every step in this genealogical adventure had been a step backwards. It wasn’t like the time the Apple Family took Pinkie Pie to Goldie Delicious’ cottage. Pinkie Pie was very passionate about the subject, but Silver Shill didn’t seem nearly as invested. Did this whole escapade come out of a mere suggestion?

Author's Note

Partly inspired by the Blackadder II episode, Head.

2 Off the Rails

“I guess I’ll be going now,” Pinkie Pie said to Twilight, who was rolling the document back up with her magic.

“See you later then, Pinkie,” Twilight waved.

Pinkie began to bounce away towards the door, Applejack and the Silvers preparing to take their own leaves behind her, but then she did a sharp 180 and bounced right back to Twilight.

“Waitwaitwait! I can’t leave now!” she shouted. “I gotta deliver a message.”

“A message?” asked Twilight.

“Yeah. There’s an emergency.”

“An emergency?!” Twilight spluttered. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

“I got distracted,” said Pinkie Pie. “Finding out if Silver Shill was related to anyone in Ponyville sounded cool.”

“What’s the emergency?!” urged Twilight, Spike and Applejack and the Silvers watching her and Pinkie talk.

Pinkie Pie looked around at everyone in the room for a moment.

“Can we play 20 Questions?” she asked.

“WHAT?!”

“Well, the last time there was an emergency and I came to get you, it was just you and Spike here,” said Pinkie. “Now we’ve got you, Spike, Applejack, Silver Spoon, Silver Tuna, Silverspeed and Silver Shill. We might never get a chance like this again. Can we play 20 Questions? Please? It’s not a life or death situation.”

Twilight groaned. “Alright, alright. Who wants to play 20 Questions?”

No one objected, so the seven players gathered around Pinkie Pie.

“Alright, let’s get started,” said Twilight. “Animal, vegetable or mineral?”

“Um… half animal, half mineral,” Pinkie answered.

Spike took the next turn. “Is it an Equestria-wide emergency?”

“Nope. Just in Ponyville,” Pinkie answered. “Although Canterlot might be affected later.”

Twilight slapped her head, but let Applejack make her guess.

“Uh… is somepony causing trouble?”

“No,” Pinkie answered, turning to Silver Shill.

Silver Shill took a while to think of a question, and Twilight and Applejack were getting itchy hooves.

“Are a group of ponies causing trouble?” he asked at last.

“Nope,” Pinkie shook her head.

Applejack also shook her head. Now it was Silver Spoon’s turn.

“Is somepony or a bunch of ponies in trouble?” she asked

“Well, no one’s really in danger, but a buncha ponies are a bit ticked off,” answered Pinkie Pie.

“Does it have anything to do with a building?” asked Silver Tuna.

“Yep,” answered Pinkie Pie.

“Does it have anything to do with the weather?” asked Silverspeed.

“Nope,” answered Pinkie Pie.

Seven down, thirteen to go. Twilight’s turn came again.

“Can this problem be solved by magic?” she asked.

“Probably, but you might make the group angry,” said Pinkie.

“What?! You said it wasn’t a group of ponies!” snapped Twilight.

“It’s not a group of ponies,” Pinkie insisted.

“Oh, is it a group of animals?!” burst out Applejack.

“Well, it’s not your turn, but yeah,” nodded Pinkie Pie. “Spike you go next.”

“Um, is it a group of timber wolves?” asked Spike.

“Nope. Silver Shill?”

Again, Silver Shill seemed to have trouble coming up with a question. Finally, he settled for “Is it a group of arctic wolves?”

“Nope. Silver Spoon?”

“Is it a group of animals from the Everfree Forest?” asked Silver Spoon.

“Nope. Silver Tuna?”

“Did these animals come from out of town?” Silver Tuna asked.

“Yuh, huh. Silverspeed?”

“Um… did these animals come from out of the sky?” asked Silverspeed.

“No,” said Pinkie Pie, “but they look like they came outta the sky.”

They only had six questions left. One of them would have to sit this round out, and Applejack felt it ought not to be Silverspeed. But before she could suggest that they skip over Silver Shill, the pieces began to come together in her mind. A group of out-of-town animals that looked like they belonged in the sky were causing trouble for a bunch of ponies in a certain building.

“Are a flock of sheep blockin’ the track outta Ponyville Station?” Applejack burst out.

“Applejack, you gotta wait your turn,” Pinkie Pie insisted. “But yeah. You win!”

“What? Sheep are standing on the train tracks?!” exclaimed Twilight. “Why?!”

“Some kind of civilly disobedient demonstration,” said Pinkie Pie. “I didn’t get all the details.”

“They’re not the ones I just busted my hump wranglin’ into the pen at home, are they?” groaned Applejack.

“Applejack, the game’s over,” sniffed Pinkie. “But yeah.”

There was quite a racket coming from the Ponyville Station when Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie arrived, and for once, the locomotive at the platform was making the least noise. There were angry passengers standing around the Canterlot Express, and the sheep who’d been in transit were standing in front of the express. The sheep were chanting something, but no one seemed to be listening. Some of them were holding up signs, but they were written in what could only be sheep font. It was incomprehensible to equine eyes. Even Fluttershy had trouble memorizing it, and Angel Bunny always made a point of hiding her translation phrasebook for a laugh.

“Gadzooks! Look at that,” Applejack groaned.

She quickly spotted Big McIntosh and Granny Smith on the platform absorbing complaints from the stationmaster and the mayor.

“You seem to have lost your way with sheep,” said the stationmaster.

“I ain’t lost a thing!” objected Granny Smith. “I got two strong grandchildren and a sharp-as-a-tack dog. What else would I need?”

“Maybe a dog who doesn’t know how to play fetch!” yelled one of the sheep.

Applejack shot the sheep a nasty look as she approached the calamity. She couldn’t help but feel a bit dim remembering the low hanging branch over the pen.

“So you troublemakers distracted Winona and thought it’d be a good idea to block the tracks, huh?” she growled.

“You drove us here just like you drove us into your nasty pen!” shouted the sheep who’d complained during the run. “And now that you’re all here, we want to let you know that we are not gonna be treated like delinquents anymore!”

“Ya sure picked a bad spot to do that, fuzz head,” snorted Applejack.

“My name is Square Peg!” snapped the sheep. “And I am leading this protest against Granny Smith’s shepherding methods!”

The chanting picked up again. Applejack didn’t catch a word. Someone in the protesting crowd caught her eye. He was definitely the odd one out. He wasn’t a sheep. He was a pony. He was holding up a sign that a sheep had obviously passed to him because it was clearly written in sheep font.

“Silver Shill, what the core-kickin’ heck are you doin’?!” Applejack demanded, walking up to the visitor.

“Well as soon as I found out this protest was going on, I felt I ought to join in,” answered Silver Shill.

Applejack threw her hat on the ground.

“Ain’t ya got a brain of your own?” she asked. “Can’t ya think for yourself? I mean first ya come all the way out here just because your boss suggested it even though you knew you couldn’t possibly be related to Silver Spoon or Silverspeed, then you didn’t bother to speak up when you got caught up in the transfer until you were in the pen with the sheep, then you can’t even come up with decent question to ask Pinkie without rippin’ off mine and Spike’s questions, and now you decide to join a protest just because you saw I happening?!”

Silver Shill set his sign down next to Applejack’s hat.

“I shoulda guessed when that whole tonic thing was goin’ on,” Applejack went on ranting. “Ya sure did change your mind about honesty pretty quick-like. I mean it’s great ya learned from my mistake, but it sure is lucky no one told ya dishonesty’s the way to go after that. You’d probably have gone for it.”

“So I can’t think for myself, huh?” asked Silver Shill. “Then how come I had to tell you that your granny was gonna jump off the high dive?”

Applejack glanced to her right. Big McIntosh and Granny Smith were making their way from the complaining stationmaster and mayor to join her.

“Alright, ya got me there,” Applejack conceded. “That did take initiative.”

“Furthermore,” Silver Shill added, “I didn’t make any last minute decisions today, accept in that 20 Questions game. I would have come here whether or not I saw that article about the hail storm. I told you, I start work today and my first port of call happens to be Ponyville.”

“Jeez, sorry. Didn’t think to ask what your new job is,” said Applejack.

“Well, I work for the Fillydelphia community center now,” Silver Shill told the Apples. “I’ve been assigned to travel around Equestria advertising adult education programs. And if you want these sheep to move, you’ll be my first customers.”

The sheep bleated their approval of Silver Shill’s words.

“What are you scallywags so chipper about?!” demanded Granny Smith.

“Mrs Smith,” said Silver Shill calmly, “before you start calling these sheep rude names, you might want to ask them what they think of Ponyville.”

Granny Smith raised an eyebrow, but approached the sheep who had given Silver Shill a picket sign to hold.

“You there. What do…?”

“My name’s Heavy Light,” said the sheep, holding his hoof out to Granny Smith.

Granny Smith had never shaken a sheep’s hoof before, but there was nothing unpleasant about it.

“So, what do you think of this here town?” asked Granny Smith.

Heavy Light shrugged. “Nothing wrong with it. It’s small, but it’s nice.”

Most of the other sheep nodded.

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” smiled Granny Smith.

She turned back to Silver Shill and her grandchildren.

“I think I get it now, y’all,” she said. “We’ve been stickin’ to the tried-and-true shepherding ways even though our town’s expanded and the livestock in transit had no reason to complain anymore.”

“Wow,” Applejack’s cheeks went red. “And I thought Shill was the mindless one. I never questioned the stuff you taught us about sheep or nothin’.”

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac nodded.

“So, what do we gotta do to satisfy you guys?” Granny Smith asked the sheep.

Heavy Light nudged Silver Shill.

“I have it. Don’t worry,” Shill said, pulling out a pamphlet and passing it to Big McIntosh.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“It’s from the community center in Fillydelphia,” Silver Shill explained. “There’s a list of the adult education courses on page two.”

The Apples looked over the list and one course name caught their eyes at once.

“Sheep sensitivity training?”

Silver Shill grinned. “When I saw it one the list, I wondered if it was really necessary. So when I found out there was a herd of sheep on the train I was taking to Ponyville, I snuck in with them when we got here to see if they were being mistreated.”

“Did you catch what AJ said to me?” snapped Square Peg.

Applejack gulped.

“Oh, quit it,” scoffed Heavy Light. “There are worse things she could have called you than ‘buddy’, you know.”

Square Peg sniffed loudly.

“All the same, we’d appreciate if you three took the time to learn how to be gentler with livestock,” Heavy Light said to the Apples.

“If we agree to sign up for this course,” said Applejack, “will y’all get off the tracks?”

Heavy Light and some other sheep nodded. Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith looked at each other for a moment.

“Agreed,” Granny Smith said at last.

Right away, the sheep walked away from the tracks. From the platform, the late passengers cheered and the conductor began to wave them all into the Express coaches. Twilight and Pinkie Pie, who’d been watching the negotiations, offered their praise to Applejack.

“I know you’re not too proud about what you thought of Silver Shill or the sheep,” said Twilight, “but I really appreciate you agreeing to their terms for the sake of the passengers.”

“Oh, it ain’t just for them,” said Applejack. “Silver Shill was right. There ain’t no need to duff up livestock no more now that Ponyville’s a legitimate town. And I’d really like to kick these old habits of mine.”

“Come on, Peg!” called Heavy Light.

“I’m not satisfied,” Square Peg insisted obstinately. “I say we gave in too easy.”

“We didn’t give in. They agreed to our conditions,” said Heavy Light.

Square Peg didn’t move.

“Can we leave now?!” called the engine driver.

Twilight began to light her horn. “Just a min--!”

“Yeah, go ahead! You’re clear!” Heavy Light replied loudly.

“Wait!” cried Twilight as the conductor’s whistle and the loco’s whistle blasted at the same time. “I gotta…!”

“Just leave him there!” hissed Heavy Light.

The train started quickly opting to try and make up some lost time. Before anypony could react, Square Peg was flung to the side of the line.

“Oh, right,” said Twilight. “The cow catchers.”

One sheep was certainly easier to move than a whole herd of them.

Train service ran uninterrupted from then on, and the next day, Applejack and Apple Bloom were seeing Big McIntosh off on his train to Fillydelphia. The Apples were going to take it in turns to attend sheep sensitivity training as Sweet Apple Acres couldn’t afford too many missing farmers. Apple Bloom noticed that Applejack had brought the journal from Ponyville Castle.

“Whatcha gonna write about?” she asked.

“This whole experience with Silver Shill and the sheep, obviously,” replied Applejack. “Plus, some stuff about what I learned. Like somepony may not be as sharp of knowledgeable as she might think, so it’d be a bad idea to say others are weak-minded or spineless.”

“Spineless?”

Applejack jumped. Silver Shill had just stepped onto the platform.

“Uh…”

“Oh, it’s alright,” shrugged Silver Shill. “So you’re going first, Big Mac?”

“Eeeyup.”

“Then Applejack’s going for the next class,” said Apple Bloom

“Great,” smiled Silver Shill. “So that’s your plan mapped out. Um, any suggestions for what I should do next?”

“Come on,” laughed Applejack, poking Silver Shill in the ribs.

Silver Shill chuckled. “OK, I’m kidding. Still, though, it’s not like I wasn’t excited about the possibility of finding distant relatives.”

“There’s nothing exciting about probably being related to Silver Spoon,” smirked Apple Bloom.

Author's Note

There's an icon for Suri Polomare, but there's not one for Silver Shill? How underrated is he? He was voiced by Ian James Corlett. What else do you need?