Grand Theft Manehattan (Sorta Rewritten)
Grand Theft Manehattan
It was raining in Manehattan, it seemed like it was always raining in Manehattan. The city had that unique smell about it, somewhere between day old garbage and a wino’s armpit, and the dampness certainly didn’t help. In spite of the miserable weather a certain flouncy pink pony was waiting at the corner of Stallion and Mane for her pick-up driver, a grin was plastered on her face like she’d just won the Running of the Leaves back in her home town. She always grinned like that before a job; it was the anticipation, the rush that would come from knocking over one of the edifices of the establishment. No one could plan ‘parties’ like Miss Pie, the Manehattan underground buzzed with her name every time she pulled a job, if only for the collateral damage the ‘after-parties’ tended to inflict on the city. A beautiful ’67 Ponytiac GTO painted the same demure pastel yellow worn by its driver pulled up to the side, it’s muted tones even more so in the gray wastes of the city.
“HEY HEY HEY!’ Pinkie bounced over to the passenger-side window, the driver reached across and pushed the door open, dark shades covering the driver’s eyes. Pinkie tossed her bright pink duffel bag into the back seat and clambered into the gorgeous machine, leaned back and enjoyed the feeling of the growling engine thrumming a deep bass vibration into her bones.
“Um, Hi Pinkie… So… Where to?” The driver said; her voice a whisper that barely carried over the vehicles engine.
“Heehee, to the PARTY of course! I’m throwing a real DOOZY at the Manehattan First National!” Pinkie exclaimed as she shut the door and leaned back into the comfortable seats.
“O-oh… wow… the First… that’s gonna be a tough crowd don’t you think Pinkie?” she said as she gunned the engine. Despite her quiet and unassuming demeanor, the pony Pinkie knew as ‘Shy was a whole different creature behind the wheel of a car. Her voice trembled but her hooves moved with the surety of practice and expertise; shifting gears and making minute adjustments on the wheel by rote. Her eyes never left the road and in spite of the terrible driving conditions and generally awful street etiquette of the Manehattan usual drivers ‘Shy never wavered, her baby waved and skimmed, passing cars within an inch of space.
“I KNOW! That’s what makes it GREAT! If anypony needs a party it’s those stuffy old colts!” Miss Pie said gleefully as she reached back, pulling an apple out of her bag, it was almost in her mouth before a feeling of a cold cylinder of metal interrupted her movement, pressing hard against her left temple.
“I-I’m sorry Pinkie, but I told you how I feel about ponies eating in my car,” her words were completely out of tune with her actions, but the intent was backed up by the deafening click of the hammer being cocked.
Pinkie grinned wide, “Right, sorry about that ‘Shy, I forgot.”
‘Shy smiled and the weapon disappeared back to wherever it was she kept it, her eyes had never left the road, “It’s ok, I forgive you, it’s what friends do.” Pinkie nodded pleasantly, “S-so are any of the others going to be able to make it to the party?” she asked after making the heavy .45 vanish.
“Mhm! Our favorite captain is gonna be doing a little organizing in our favor behind the scenes, and Rarity just got me some new imports! I like to use domestic products y’know? But man, she’s really got an eye for beauty, I just couldn’t pass it up!” Pinkie exclaimed, pulling out a rifle from the duffel bag in the back. “Check it out! It’s griffon-made, .38 cal rifle, custom barrel and stock too!” Pinkie pulled another weapon out too; this one was a hoofgun, smaller, but with an extended clip and a custom iron-sight built onto the heavy caliber barrel, “Oh and lookie! Applejack finished repairing it! She made me promise to take better care of it though, which I thought was kind of mean, it’s not like I TRIED to lose it in the sewer, that was a fun getaway though, and I found it!”
“Oh, those are nice,” ‘Shy said, sparing a glance at the deadly arms, “So… what about the vault?”
“Hehee, c’mon ‘Shy you know me! I never come to a party without a door prize!” Pie exclaimed, replacing the weighty weapons and withdrawing a package from the bag, it was wrapped in unassuming brown paper, but in large block print were the words: SEMTEX-H EXPLOSIVE PLASTIC.
“Wow, that’s going to be pretty loud don’t you think?” ‘Shy answered, swerving reflexively to avoid a slow driver and pass a light seconds before it flickered to red.
“Well DUH! The loud parties are the BEST parties ‘Shy!” Pie answered as she stuffed the dangerous substance back where it came from, “I’ve got enough of that stuff to turn this into Block Party if I wanted to! Heheeheehee.”
“So if you have that then… she’s gonna be there too?” ‘Shy asked purposefully focusing on the road as a slight flush rose in her cheeks.
“Hmmm? Oh, heehee, yea, it’s her… you gonna ask her to go out for a drink again after the party? Maybe get some… private time?” Pinkie said coyly causing her driver blush furiously, “Heh, well of course I invited her, no one knows how to make a bang like Dashie.”
“Hehe… yea…” ‘Shy said, a dreamy look in her eyes, hidden behind her shades.
‘OOH! We’re here! YAY!” ‘Shy pulled up to the back street behind the bank, a cyan pony in a weather-beaten old bomber jacket stood in the shadows smoking, she spit the fag out and crushed it beneath a hoof as the two ponies came to a stop.
“Hey girls, heard you were throwin’ a party,” she said, sauntering up to the rumbling GTO, ‘Shy blushed and looked down, mumbling something about how nice it was to see her.
“OH YEA!” Pinkie shouted as she hopped out and stuck out a hoof, Dash cracked her own against it as she got closer.
“Hey ‘Shy, still got this baby purring like a kitten, good, flyin’s more my style but I can’t say no to a ride like this.”
“O-oh, th-thank you Dash… I just detailed her…” she responded, living up to Pinkie's nickname for her with gusto as she stared intently at the ground.
“Heh, you sure know how to give a machine a good polish ‘Shy, you sure this thing’s up to getting us up and out when it all goes hooves up though?
‘Shy’s eyes narrowed at the perceived slight, “You better bucking believe she is,” she snapped before clapping a hoof to her mouth, “Oh, I’m sorry, that came out so mean.”
“Hahaha… No sweat ‘Shy” Dash said, slinging an arm over her friend’s shoulder, “Can’t wait to make this town rock, I got a new mix I’ve been wanting to try out, speaking of which…” she turned to Pinkie who was busy unloading the bag and it’s highly illegal contents, “You get that plastic I asked for?”
“Silly-filly, auntie Pinkie never lets her girls down!” she said, tossing the first of several packages of the explosive to her friend.
“And the smoke?” Dash asked, already knowing the answer as a low grin snuck onto her features.
“HA! In like, five different colors!” Pinkie pulled out a thick metal cylinder, “This party is gonna rock!” The three party girls smiled mischievously as they started prepping for the excitement to follow.
+=+
The party started with a bang, Dash and Pinkie trotted into the Bank with big grins on their faces, so much so that even the guards grinned a little, seeing such pleasant looking fillies was a welcome sight to the normal clientele of the bank. Pinkie counted on it; her disarming features were her best weapon for getting in the front door, once inside the party could really get going.
“LET’S PARTY EVERYPONY!” Pinkie bellowed before flinging three party-poppers into the air, called such because they released a blast of multi-colored smoke, strobing lights, and for some odd reason, streamers. Each of them also had a little white-noise generator a certain mechanically minded farmer rigged up to play merry hell with any communications devices people might have.
“Five minutes Dashie, I’m gonna bring this party up to eleven, head dirtside and kick up some smoke.” Pinkie said over their insulated comm line following four loud reports, which would’ve been Dash launching a couple of rubber bullets into the guards. Non-lethal but that was as pleasant as they got, cracked ribs, broken bones and the like were all useful distractions from the two ladies pulling a heist on one of the largest banks in Manehattan.
Once the guards were dispatched Dash spread her wings and sprang for the lower level where the vault sat waiting. Skimming just above the tile floor Rainbow Dash ducked down the staircase and rolled to a stop, flinging another party-popper as she did, filling the air with noise, light, and smoke before following it with a couple of hooves from the above to the heads of the confused guards. Adjusting her filter goggles that pierced the air for her. Dash reminded herself to thank their dealer for picking them up, Rarity might have an iron rod rammed firmly up her fundament but she sure knew how to accessorize.
Four minutes.
Rainbow Dash soared down the hallways, arching around breakneck turns that would’ve brained a less skilled pegasus on the wall, she was ahead of schedule. Good, she thought, alright time to make a boom. Dash spied the door and grinned, tucking her wings against her back and rotating, impacting the door back-hooves first and ripping it off of its hinges with a combination of muscle and pure forward momentum. The crash followed by the final Party-popper being dropped in gave Dash all the time she needed, pulling her piece from its concealed holster beneath her right wing she launched a few bullets into where the goggles told her the guards were standing, coughing the cloying smoke out of their lungs. The shoot-out lasted a few seconds longer than she would’ve liked but Dash shrugged, as she picked her targets out of the smoke, she had some extra time.
+=+
Three minutes.
Upstairs, Pinkie was leaning against a wall, having just finished sticking her hand-made Pinkie Pie Party Pranks (patent pending) strategically around her ‘guests’, grinning with all the levity of the famous party pony she leveled her favored pistol at one of the terrified civilians who squeaked in fear at the action.
“Oh don’t worry mister fancy hooves, I’m not gonna shoot you unless you try to ruin the party! I mean, there’s nothing I hate more than a party pooper you know? You’ve got to be pretty mean to spoil a good party!” She explained to the shaking pony, “Besides, if you move much more, you’ll set off my Party Trick! Then there won’t be enough LEFT to shoot! Heeheehee!”
Pinkie’s ‘Party Pranks’ happened to be specially prepared M67 Fragmentation Grenades with a customized bottom that popped off to release an air-activated super-adhesive. Each one also had ten fiber wires attached to the modified trigger mechanism with hooks on the end to be attached to the clothing of Pinkies party guests. Too much movement in one direction would cause the grenade to detonate, each one had a reduced payload though, designed to horribly maim rather than outright kill, but as with all things Pinkie Pie, even that was hit or miss.
Two minutes.
+P-pinkie? I’ve got the tap on the police radio up; they’re on their way, ETA three and a half minutes+ ‘Shy said through the comm link.
“Heehee, party poopers, good thing the party will be almost over by the time they show up! Hey Dashie, how’s that door comin’ along girlie?” Pinkie Pie said, addressing Dash.
+Oh, you know, the usual, explosions, devastation, flying shrapnel, speaking of which…+
The line went dead for a second before the floor quaked with a massive explosion; she heard the sound of a collapse to her left.
“Wowie Zowie Dashie! I think you brought down the offices with that one! AWESOME!” Pinkie shouted.
+Yea, that’s how I- Oh BUCK+
“Somethin’ go wrong Dashie? Don’t tell me that blast didn’t knock the door down!?” Pinkie said with an overwrought gasp.
+Nah, the blast worked fine but there a secondary security cage, it’s gonna take me another minute to shear through it.+
“No problem Dashie, ‘Shy you get that?” Pinkie voiced to their getaway car.
+Y-yea, be careful Dashie+
“Ok then, escape plan B girls!” Pinkie said with an ecstatic bounce, “I was kinda hoping this would happen! We haven’t had NEARLY enough explosions!”
+Can’t argue with that one Pinks+ came Dash’s response over the line, the sound of a powerful torch blurring up the background noise, +Almost through, you ready with plan B ‘Shy?+
One minute.
+Uhm, yea, setting it up now, the captain said she’s given you all the delay you’re going to get Pinkie+
“Okey dokey lokey! Tell Twi thanks for me! Her cut will be in the usual place, I’m heading downstairs now Dashie, lets pack up!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, cantering down the staircase, as she did she addressed the ‘party guests’, “Oh by the way, don’t move or you might end up looking like party guest soup! See ya later gator!” with that she vanished down the stairs.
+=+
Dash had just finished slicing the gate when Pinkie parked her vivaciously bright flank next to her friend, “Hey Dashie! Ready?”
“You know it! Let’s make some bits!” they started tearing through the cash reserves, packing it into saddlebags and the now-mostly-emptied duffle bag.
+Pinkie, I can hear sirens+
“Wow, Manehattan finest sure are in top form today huh Dashie?” Pinkie responded as she emptied another drawer of bits into her saddlebag.
“Heh, yea, not that they could do much worse anyway,” she responded, sarcasm dripping from her tone as they plundered the vault.
Time’s up.
Pinkies watch started beeping, “Ok girls, times up, lets beat hooves and get out of here, you all ready with our escape ‘Shy?”
+Uhm, yea, it’s all set up, but won’t this be a little… obvious?+
“Well DUH! That’s why we have you, you’re gonna have to outrun them!” Pinkie exclaimed with an audible smile as the two thieves made their way not to the entrance but the service stairs leading to the back area. Manehattan First National had no back door or service entrance for exactly the reason of possible thefts; it didn’t even have windows behind it. Well, not yet.
+They’re in the bank, they figured out you’re not in the lobby, I think they’re trying to help the guests+
“Pinkie Perfect! Heehee, alright, lets-” she said but was interrupted by a blue-coated officer coming around the corner.
“Freeze! You’re und-” that was all he got out before Dash came barreling down the hallway, snapping out her hooves to catch the guard in the head. He was faster than he looked though, rearing up to take the blow to the chest; it knocked him backwards and threw off Dash’s trajectory, forcing her to land. Out of breath officer hit the comm on his jacket, “Suspects in eastern wing, need backup!” Dash cut off any more calls for help with a swift hoof to the head, putting him down for a good ten minutes.
“BUCK, we got incoming Pinks,” her friend said, they could already hear hooves coming down the hallway as the girls turned and galloped down the opposite hall to their objective. The weight of the bits was slowing them down though, the hoofsteps were getting closer and fast.
“Heh, don’t worry Dashie, Auntie Pinkie’s got this party all planned out, HIT IT ‘SHY!”
There was a detonation ahead of them and the sound of crumbling brickwork, they rounded the corner to see a hole blown in the masonry in the back of the bank, ‘Shy stood in the car frantically gesturing, a small black detonator in her right hoof. Pinkie and Dash leapt out, Dash spread her wings wide to glide to the car, catching Pinkie’s forehooves to close the distance fast, depositing her on the passenger side and dropping herself onto the cars boot.
“POP IT ‘SHY!” she yelled as she landed, the trunk popped open in perfect response, Dash threw the bag in, ducked around the safe side and slid into the back seat as bullets started coming from the First National’s new rear window.
Fluttershy gunned the engine and wheeled around backward as a shot pinged off her precious GTO’s side, at the sound ‘Shy’s eyes went wide.
“MOTHER BUCKERS!” she screeched.
Leaning out the window with a hoof on the wheel, continuing the turn she leveled her .45 caliber colt at the offending officers.
“MOTHER-BUCKERS NEVER GONNA TOUCH FLUTTERSHY’S GIRL AGAIN!” She screamed, unloading the rounds at them, forcing them to duck for cover behind the masonry. She dropped back into the seat as soon as her gun clicked dry and bent onto the wheel, getting onto the streets, sirens flared up behind the car.
“Heeheee! Scoot over Dashie!” Pinkie wormed her way into the back seat and pulled the rifle off her back as she rolled the window down, “Brace me!” Pinkie leaned against Dash and lined up sights outside the window, “Ready when you are ‘Shy!”
“I need to find a clear street! There’s not enough room for the turn here!” she said over the wailing sirens.
“The bridge ‘Shy! They were doing construction on it! The whole thoroughfare is closed down!” dash shouted.
“Uh, yea but isn’t that because there are huge holes in the road? Y’know, from the construction?” Pinkie asked, arching an eyebrow. Dash just shrugged, Pinkie looked pensive for a moment before…
“DO IT! HAAAHAHAAAHAAA!”
At Pinkie’s maniacal laughter Fluttershy pulled a turn that made the wheels scream as she pulled off Mane and onto Moreau, the ‘Construction Ahead’ signs lighting the way for her. ‘Shy grinned, “Ok baby, let’s tear this city a new one,” she whispered to her roaring vehicle, shifting gears and accelerating, every twitch of her hooves meant another hole avoided, every smooth turn was another meter the cops fell behind them. The bridge came into view as ‘Shy cleared the thoroughfare; she started edging towards the right turn until…
“LEFT ‘SHY! LEFT AND PULL A BOOTLEG!” Pinkie shouted.
A sinister grin lit ‘Shy’s face as she edged away from the right, swinging her beloved GTO down the left turn, four cops had navigated the maze she had left, they were good but they’d slowed down to do it, they were behind, unfortunately not far enough behind to shake, “They’re getting better at this,” Fluttershy commented off-hoof as she glanced into her rearview mirror, “Tell me when Pinkie!”
“Slow it down so they can close then wait for it…”
“Ok…”
“Wait for it…”
“Running out of clear road Pinkie.”
“Wait for it…”
“PINKIE!”
“NOW!”
Fluttershy flicked the steering wheel to the right before cranking it all the way to the left, dropping gears quickly as the car screamed in protest to the maneuver, ‘Shy saw the cops were almost on her tail as they spun one hundred and eighty degree’s into the opposite lane at a complete stop which lasted all of a split second as ‘Shy gunned the accelerator, she had a satisfying glimpse of her pursuers bewildered faces before Pinkie’s rifle barked loudly. The shell punching into the back tires of the forward-most middle cop car and causing it to screech and veer wildly, the ones behind being forced into side lanes, slowing almost to a stop to avoid colliding with their downed fellow as the three sped away.
+=+
“Wooooeeee, you girls sure did a number on that there vehicle; them tires was half melted,” Applejack crawled out from under Fluttershy’s GTO covered in oil stains, flicking her hair back and wiping sweat from her brow as the three girls were counting out their score. They had managed to shake the cops, lay low in one of Pinkie’s many safe-houses, then escape to the Acres under the cover of dark, Pinkie grinned at Fluttershy who was still weeping over the scar left by the firefight on her precious car.
“Aw c’mon ‘Shy, don’t you worry yer little head, between you an’ me we’ll have her glitterin’ like new!” Applejack said with a wide grin, clapping a hoof on her distraught friends shoulder.
Fluttershy nodded with a sniffle, “O-ok…”
Rarity sauntered in with a self-assured smile as she surveyed the winnings, “Mmm, I assume all went swimmingly then girls? I heard about chase down Moreau this afternoon from a client, I don’t suppose you had anything to do with that?”
“Oh you know those Manehattan ponies, they’ll put anything on the news these days, and my party went just fine!” Pinkie said with a good-natured huff.
“Oh darling you know how I love them, now, about my cut?” Rarity said arching a single perfect eyebrow.
“Yer gonna get yer cut Rarity, don’t get yer halter in a twist,” Applejack said as she set down a tray of apple cider and peeled off her work jumper.
Rarity glanced disapprovingly up and down Applejack’s oil-stained overalls and grimaced, “You know, I work hard to look this good, how is it you get to crawl out from under an engine block every night looking like a pony-trash super model?”
Applejack grinned and slugged back a glass of cider, “Just lucky ah guess.”
Dash grinned and tossed back her own cider as they finished counting, “Well girls, I think I’m gonna take my cut and hit the clubs up in Canterlot, anypony wanna come with?”
Pinkie Pie winked at the others and shook her head, “Nah, I got some planning to do, but didn’t you say you were going out tonight after the party ‘Shy?”
Fluttershy blinked then blushed, Applejack and Rarity grinned at each other behind their hooves as she nodded. “Uhm, yea…”
“Great! C’mon ‘Shy! Let’s ROCK!” Dash shouted as she jumped to her feet, stretching her wings and pulling her jacket on, slipping them through the wing-slits.
“O-ok… I’ll see you all later then girls…” she said before turning to Pinkie and silently mouthing ‘Thank you!’ and following Dash out.
“Don’t rock out too hard girls! I’ve got another PARTY in the works and it is gonna be a DOOZY!”
