Kindled Change

Chapter 5: Found

The wind picks up strong and shakes the rigid window open. I've awoken in the middle of the night, I cannot go back to sleep. Everything is silent other than the wind which hums quietly through the air. I'm wrapped around a blanket and everything is dark. The only clouds I see are from the windows, in through which a stream of silver light passes through and hits the floor with patterns as if made from the inside of a tree.

The only other light is a soft orange and red glow from the candle sitting close to me on a desk. I've been lost in thought staring at it. Empty thoughts. Lost within a void. The thoughts are there... memories... but... I can't decipher any of it. They are hidden behind the daunting shadows.

I hold some fear of this flame within me. Yet, I am unsure how to respond to that fear. In ways, it is beautiful. The way it flickers in the wind causing a strange array of light. It too dances with the wind in a slovenly serenade. It is gentle and warm, and it gives light. But fear exists in me, and I am not sure what to think of it. I am lost in thought.

I don't know where Twilight Sparkle has gone to, and I am not sure of where I am. The flicker of flame has left me blind towards the shadows. I can only see the outlines of the things around me. Something is strange however. I am not entirely sure of how I know of everything. The only thing I had ever known was the shadows, the crystals, them... and her. How is that I know what a candle, a desk, or a flame is? How is it that I knew what birds and trees where? This thought doesn't disturb me enough to lose myself in thought with, because, in many ways, I am glad I know. I know their name at the very least, and there is happiness in the memories of today. I learned more of what they are.

However... even the thought of knowing the names of everything bothers me in other ways. Because... I... I still don't know my name. I don't dwell on it too much. I... I am afraid to know it. I am not sure what it is about it all. There is a grasping fear within me. My thoughts always pull me towards it, yet, I am not sure if I should fear it... or if I need to fear it. Fear what? Even of that I am unsure.

It bothers me that I am unsure of everything. Unsure of my own feelings. Of this fear. Of my thoughts, but even being unsure makes me... unsure. I want to know, but I am afraid of knowing. I'm afraid of what it might change. Things change all around me so suddenly, unlike in the darkness. They change without my consent. The wind has no pattern when it blows, the Earth itself has a small but subtle tremor. The animals left... but Twilight Sparkle appeared, and now it is gone like the rest, and now I am somewhere different under this small candle, waiting and watching for any sign of change. My world as changed, and I don't know to fear it or to like it.

These changes aren't bad, but the more they happen, the more I am confused, the more fear builds up in me. So much that tears begin to roll down my cheeks... well... not my cheeks. I'm not even sure if this is even me at this point. At least one thing has not changed. The yellow of my eyes.

I know what a wish is. It is the hope of something to occur. Something different. Something that you want it to happen... but it is just a hope, a wish. It never really happens... well... I am wrong on that. Looking at the moon is always nice, it shows that I am wrong. Wishes do happen. When it does or why it does, that is a mystery on it's own. I am beneath the vast darkness that holds light. Small sparkling gems in a sea of nothing.

It eases me a bit. At least I can lose myself in thought wondering what purpose they have or why they seem to make patterns. Perhaps I'll never know, and this is one case of being unsure that doesn't leave an emptiness within me. Even if I may never truly know why they are what they are, I am glad that they exist. They shine and fill the emptiness... an emptiness within me if only for the night alone.

It is strange. It is hard to say what I truly feel. My emotions run rampant without me noticing, and then some of them mix together, many different ones at a time too. Yet... I feel... disconnected from them. There is one feeling I know all too well. Sadness. I'm not quite sure what it is supposed to feel like, or what it is. I just know the name. I call sadness the emptiness within me. What detaches me from my own feelings. Because no matter what emotion, it looms over them, shrouding them into nonexistence. Until they reside to nothing but ashes and dying embers.

It is okay though, because every time I do feel something else, it is wonderful and new. Like now. Looking out at the stars I realize how beautiful they are. Then I dwell deep into thought again, feel that sadness within me, and when I am able to break free, there it is, the night sky. It isn't like before. The moon is lower, the stars are different, the sky is ever changing. But it is still the sky, and it will never cease to be the sky, and the sky is beautiful. Every time the moon lowers, every time do I feel the need to reach out and grab it. Every phase and change brings about a strange new feeling within me, and they are all wonderful. Very unlike the darkness, for when I lost sight it would leave me distant.

I am afraid of change. Afraid of what it may bring, or take away. Though it is strange to me. There is small changes happening at every moment. Some big, some small. The late night critters have no pattern as to when they play. Sometimes, the crickets will play for a long time without end until they take a break. The wind comes by occasionally. The clouds loom lazily in the sky, their form ever changing. I am confused as to why I fear change. Seeing all of this... I am always unsure, at least that much stays the same.

A door gently closes off in the shadows. It is faint, but I can hear it, along with the taps on the floor. I stare at the flickering flame to distract me from the noises, whatever they may be. Twilight Sparkle drifts silently into view and now bathing in the golden-orange glow from the candle.

"Oh. You are awake. I thought you would sleep through the night." I shift my eyes towards Twilight Sparkle. I am tired, and I am sure it reflects that in my eyes, for it can see it too. I see Twilight Sparkle's expression change into a worried one. "And by the looks of it, you should be asleep by now. You need to get some rest, it is still a while until you fully recover and you need all the sleep you can get."

The flame flickers silently in the wind and a gust blows through the open window, threatening to put out the flame. It is cold. The blanket itself is thin and spare no protection against the cold. It was cold the other night, but I hadn't cared then. At the time... the only thing I really cared about was... not being alone. I feel myself shiver. I curl up and close my eyes, hoping that I could conserve warmth.

"Well, Spike is already fast asleep. Taking his blanket would be rude. It is rather chilly tonight..I was going to take the couch tonight, but I hope you don't mind company." I am not able to respond with even a nod. I am shivering too much to dare to uncurl. Or even open my eyes. A slight movement goes underneath me and I turn my direction towards Twilight Sparkle. It is beside me, laying down like I. It looks at me for a bit. "You are very sensitive to the cold, huh? Well, all things considered you do look a bit young, still a filly or a mare? Younger than Pinkie Pie, but not by a long-shot either. Huh. I can't quite put my hoof on it. Anyways, I can try closing the window if you'd like." A filly? Mare? Pinkie Pie?

This time, I shake my head. I do not want her to close the window, no matter how cold it becomes. The breeze makes me happy. "Oh, well, sorry I can't really do much then." It turns it's back to me. "And also, I'm sorry I wasn't able to find your parents. I tried asking around town all night, but nobody even seemed to know who you were." I am not sure how to respond to this. Parents? Who I am? I...

"I promise I'll try harder tomorrow. For now, you worry on getting some rest. If you don't want to talk to me, I understand. I'm still a stranger to you at this moment, but you can trust me. I should stop talking and let you get some rest, we can talk tomorrow if you'd like."

Talk... I am afraid I do not have a response for Twilight Sparkle. My voice has left me... there is nothing I could say to it... I'm not sure what it is asking of me, not sure what it wants from me. I am not sure... but... that strange feeling still rests in me. It is a strange kind of warmth. The warmth from before... as if it cares about me... I am not sure...

The wind picks up again and a breeze coats over the room again. I feel my self shivering, though, I can feel something else too. Twilight Sparkle is shivering too? I gently place my hoof to its body. It is freezing cold and stings when I touch it. I pull away immediately.

"Huh?" Twilight Sparkle notices me as I pull my hoof away. "Oh, heh, sorry. I was out all night talking to the townsfolk. It was really cold, forgot to take my scarf so I pretty much returned icy cold. I might even be coming down with a cold. Come to think of it, I should leave you alone, if I do come up with a cold I might pass it on to you. Call it crisis averted, but that epiphany might do us both some good." I understand some of it. And in a sudden spur, I place my hoof onto Twilight Sparkle before it has the chance to leave. It turns back to see me.

I am still slightly shivering. I'm not entirely sure of anything right now, but I do know that I don't want to be alone. It is as if Twilight Sparkle can read my eyes. "Well... I guess I can stay with you. You must be at least a bit scared of me. I am stranger. You aren't bothered by that?"

A stranger? I shake my head. I'm not sure what it is talking about, but I am not bothered by anything other than it leaving.

"Well, okay. I just hope it doesn't come to what I said before. I wouldn't want to get you more sick." It turns it's back to me. I have that warm feeling in me again, but it is brighter. A small flame lit. I'm not sure what to do. I put my forehead onto Twilight Sparkle's body. It stings, but... it is warm at the same time. I feel my warm breath bouncing off back to me as I breath. I feel my forehead becoming warmer.

Twilight Sparkle moves suddenly. I am too tired to open my eyes to really see what is going on, but I make the effort to move my forehead back onto it's body. Something pillows the lower part of my face with the same stinging but warm sensation and my forehead reaches it's resting place. My body follows soon after curling up near the rest of its body, and suddenly I feel warmth reach out and hold me in an embrace.

Does Twilight Sparkle care about me...? I'm not sure... but this warmth that I feel within me... It wants me to be sure that it does. Then there is a certain doubt within the back of my heart. It conflicts against each other, but the more the night passes by, the warmth overwhelms me and I feel myself slipping into a dream.

Twilight Sparkle was trying to help me... it does care... I want to show my gratitude... but... how?

"Thank you." That... voice... Twilight Sparkle? No... it is different... gentle and frail, small and tiny. It sounds familiar... and distant... a voice that I haven't heard in so long....

It is my voice.