I think, therefore I am.
That is what some unicorn once said, when he questioned his reality. I think he was right, so I know I am real because I, right now, am thinking.
I lift up a front hoof from the lush green grass, and pass it through the blades, expecting, no- hoping to feel it tickle my hoof, to feel the individual blades brush against the tongue.
I put my hoof back down, and raise the other front hoof. I repeat my motions, praying that I would feel at least something.
No feeling comes. A gentle breeze is blowing through my mane, I remember the feeling of my long blue hair tickling my face, the feeling of the wind messing my yellow coat like a gentle massage- but they are only a memory, and memories cannot be felt.
To my left, I can hear young foals laughing, and I turn towards them. They are playing with a ball, I do not recognise the game, but I walk closer and ask anyway "Hey, can I join you please?".
The small group of foals look at each other, and each give a nod and a smile. "It's called scatterball, we made it up!" One unicorn filly beams at me, proud to share her achievement.
"One person is the Monster, and everyone else are ponies". The filly explains, ignoring several looks of 'well, duh'. "The Monster has to hit a pony with the ball, and once they do that pony is a monster too. The winner is the last pony left".
"Okay, I think I got it. Thanks". I point to a colt with his hoof resting on the ball, "Are you the 'Monster', then?"
He doesn't say anything. He just gives me a predatory grin. Scary.
The 'Monster' colt kicks the ball towards me, but I dodge it. I run away from the 'Monster', and toward where most of the other 'ponies' grouped.
The foals all give me a disapproving look, and I stop my running, confused.
"What's up? Did I do something wrong?" I ask.
"If you get hit, you're a monster. You can't just ignore it." One impatiently informs me.
"But, I didn't get hit, did I? I at least couldn't feel it." I ask, yet knowing that I indeed must have been hit by the ball.
Most of the foals start talking at once, all telling me I was hit and that I'm a cheater. Yes, I was hit, but I couldn't feel it and I don't know why.
I droop my head a little, and slowly walk away from the children. 'What is wrong with me? Why can't I feel the grass, or the breeze, or the ball?'
If a tree falls and nopony is around to hear it, does it even make a sound?
Yes, it makes a sound- it is a tree falling. But what about me? I know I am real, because I think for myself, but if I am real then why can I not feel anything?
'The grass is not real. That's why you can't feel it, or the breeze, or the ball. None of them are real.' I stop walking, and look around me. I am in the market now, and there are ponies all around me. I touch a market stall with a hoof, no feeling comes. "Not real" I whisper to myself.
I touch another stall, "Not real".
I brush past a false pony, "Not real".
I poke one in the ribs, eliciting an irritated "Hey!" from the fake being.
I touch more and more things, all with the same numbness and complete lack of feeling. None of this is real! Where could I possibly be, it all looks so much like home! Even the ponies are familiar, they look and act just like the real ones from my memories.
'Memories, all just memories?' I think to myself. No, not just memories. That game with the foals was new, I had never heard of it before. If this isn't all just a memory, then what is this? A dream?
I slap myself across my face with a hoof. I blink a few times, and slap myself again. Hard.
I get a few looks from the imaginary ponies but no pain. In dreams, you don't feel pain. I must be dreaming.
Although, in dreams you don't normally think. Things just happen because you are already thinking of them, you don't think of thinking.
I stop. I blink a few more times.
Wait...
Yes. You can think of thinking, even when you are dreaming- how silly of me.
So that's what it is, then. This is all a dream. With the mystery solved at last, my spirits lift and I am happy for the first time in this dream. I stand up tall, my head held high because since this is just a dream, I can do whatever I want.
Except feel, that seems to be illegal in this dream or something.
To test my theory, I pick an apple off a stall and throw it at a random pony, bouncing it off their jaw. She gets angry, go figure. By Tartarus, this is my dream- I'll simply imagine she isn't angry.
It doesn't work.
"Hey! I'm talking to you! What was that for?" The young mare demands, peeved.
"Why are you angry? I don't want you to be. Stop being angry". I tell her plainly.
That doesn't work either.
"Don't tell me what to do! Have you got a problem?" Other dream ponies are looking now.
"Why can't I make you not angry? This isn't right!" I ask, confused as to why I can't control my dream. I frown, peer closely at the mare, and roughly tap her face with my hoof.
I don't feel her, but she certainly does.
"Hey! That hurt!"
"What is wrong with you?" Another pony questions.
"What's wrong with all of you? You aren't real. News flash, you don't exist!" I yell at the imaginary beings.
"If I don't exist, then why can I do THIS!" One yells, and I am knocked over. I get back up, looking at her confused. Did he just buck me? I surely didn't imagine that. Why would I imagine them angry at me, trying to hurt me in my dream?
This isn't a dream anymore, no. This is a nightmare! I break away from the angry crowd, and gallop away as fast as my false legs can take me.
The crowd doesn't follow me very far, and I get away easily. 'Dreams don't last forever, I'll just wait it out! It's only one night anyway, and if it started when I "woke up", then surely I'll wake up soon...' I leave town, and walk towards a tree to rest. 'I can just sit here, I shouldn't have to wait long before I wake up'.
...-_-...
Hours pass under the tree, long hours of sitting and waiting. The sun begins to set, and as it does I feel a sense of relief. Surely I wouldn't sleep for longer than twelve hours! My dream is ending soon!
The sun fully dips below the horizon, and yet I still don't wake up. More hours pass, and I still don't return to reality. 'What if the tree really doesn't make a sound after all?'
...-_-...
A blinding light pierces through my eyelids, waking me from my sleep. Looking around me I find that I am under a tree, I must have fallen asleep waiting to wake up last night.
Wait...
I slap myself in the face again, really hard. This time, surely this will hurt alot, but it will be worth it.
It doesn't hurt. I still have no feeling. My plan didn't work.
'I guess I can't wait out this dream, then? What if I'm in a coma? How would I wake up from that?' I wonder, and I shiver. 'What if I never wake up?'
"Princess Luna! Help me! I'm stuck in a nightmare and won't wake up, please help me!" I scream at the top of my lungs.
Seconds pass.
A minute passes.
Two minutes.
It didn't work.
"PRINCESS LUNA! PRINCESS LUNA! HELP!" I scream again, and again, but to no avail.
Out of habit I think of breakfast, but if this is just a dream I don't need it. I don't feel hungry anyway.
"LLUUUNAAAA!" I scream, drawing the name out into a long, despaired cry, but I know in my heart she can't hear me.
'If I really am in a coma, then how do I get out of it? I'd have to make the dream end, right?'
I know I exist. There is no point questioning that. I am sure nothing else exists, at leaat here, because I cannot feel it. There is no pain, either. So I must be in a dream, which I can't wait out and I don't know why, so it might be a coma. So, I have to end the dream.
'In every nightmare I've ever had before, I wake up when the monster or bad guy catches me, and I die or am about to. But there is no bad guy, so maybe I just have to die?'
Well, I guess it's a good thing there is no pain in dreams.
I look around, and spot a cliff. 'Rockslide Bluff, perfect. I'll just jump off that, and I'll wake up before I hit the bottom'.
I trot towards it, my legs respondimg slower than usual, I have less energy than I should. 'It must be because the dream is about to end'.
Eventually I get to the top of the cliff, my brain running in circles over my situation over and over.
'Can't feel anything.'
'Never feel again'
'Accident'
What was that last thought about? What accident? I stop walking, and stand at the very edge.
I try to think back to before I woke up numb yesterday, back to before my dream. I remember a cart, a rock and... a hill. A sharp pain in my back. That was the last feeling I can remember.
This isn't a dream.
I have no feeling because I was in an accident! This is all real, and I was about to walk off a cliff!
...and DIE.
I begin to take a hurried step back, suddenly shocked and horrified. I hear a crack, and a loud crumbling sound.
The ground beneath my front hooves gives away, and I slide forward. Forward, over the edge.
This is not good.
I fall, and as I do I see how far down I have yet to fall, and it is a long way. If only I were born a pegasus, and not an earth pony I would be able to fly back up, but that just wasn't how the dice had landed.
Looking down I realise that after all this time trying to wake up, believing myself to be asleep, I am going to truly fall into a sleep I won't ever wake up from.
Oh the irony. In my final moments, I begin to laugh.
Then, darkness.
Author's Note
The time is currently 1AM, and I am very tired. I couldn't get to sleep without writing this, and I know it's unedited and is probably bad but oh well, I was tired. I'm going to call it writing practice and hope someone enjoys it.
