He did it again.
Twilight had been watching a mysterious stallion in her library. Not because of his physical appearance, which was rather bland. His coat was a dull brown, his mane and tail a matching pitch black, and no horn or wings had been granted to his form. He was a bit taller than the average stallion, and a bit thinner as well, but nothing too strange. His cutie mark was a mite odd. A black capital ‘A’ with a circle around it, the horizontal line in the ‘A’ shooting straight through the circle.
But no, it was not his appearance that had attracted her attention. It was his mannerisms.
He was being rather…odd. He would pick up a book, read the title, place the book on his head, and put it back. Or he would stick out his tongue and blow a wet raspberry. Once he actually hit his head against the bookshelf.
This wasn’t the beginning of it either. This morning, she had seen him walking around the marketplace, singing at the top of his lungs and dancing on the market stalls. While entertaining, it was rather strange to see somepony with such an ill regard for…well…sense.
So much so that Twilight had become rather curious with him. And once Twilight becomes curious with something, that something better pray it gets out okay.
She wished to confront him on this matter, but didn’t want to offend him. Perhaps he had actually lost his mind and may lash out in rage or confusion. Perhaps he would be insulted and wreak her library. Or perhaps she should just mare up and ask him what’s what already.
“Um…sir?” Twilight inquired with trepidation, approaching the stallion slowly from behind. The stallion whirled around with an inquisitive expression that turned into a curious smile as his orange eyes met the mare.
“Yes?” His voice was a tad high pitched for a stallion, but not so much as to confuse him for a mare.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but…you’re acting a bit strange. Are you okay?” Twilight asked as politely as she could.
The stallion paused for a moment, his eyes meeting Twilight’s dead on and his look thoughtful. Twilight shifted her gaze, both uncomfortable by how the stallion was looking at her so directly, and dreadfully worried that she had offended him.
“I-I’m sorry.” Twilight apologized, embarrassed by her inquisitive nature. “I didn’t mean to-“
“Would you mind if I kissed you?” The stallion asked suddenly, tilting his head.
Twilight reeled back, putting a bit of distance between her and the (rather forward) stallion. No one had ever asked her something so inappropriate in her life!
“W-What?!” Twilight exclaimed, panicking at the unfamiliar territory that she was treading. “No! What kind of question is that?!”
The stallion’s eyes widened, looking genuinely concerned at the unicorn’s reaction.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” The stallion said with sincerity. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”
Twilight’s panic suddenly turned to anger. How audacious was this stallion? Who asks if he can kiss a mare he just met, and then act like he didn’t know what kind of reaction it would illicit? The nerve!
“Of course you did!” Twilight confirmed loudly. “What’s the matter with you?”
The stallion didn’t respond, instead opting to take a small notepad out of his saddlebag, as well as a pencil. He placed the notepad on the floor and took the pencil in his mouth, scribbling something onto the paper before pausing and spitting the pencil out.
“What’s your name, miss?” He asked, glancing back up at her.
Twilight’s jaw hung loosely, still shocked from his question and from how casual he seemed about it. Noticing his gaze, Twilight cleared her throat and glared at him.
“Twilight Sparkle.” She said stiffly.
“Mm.” He hummed, the pencil back in his mouth and its tip on the paper. Twilight waiting for him to give his name. And waited. And waited. And waited until her patience ran thin and she belted the question out.
“What’s your name?”
The stallion shook his head, as if disappointed, and packed away his things.
“Why do you ask?” He finally responded.
Twilight couldn’t speak for a moment. Yet again, the mare was blown away from just how rude this stallion was. She had half a mind to kick him out of the library for how he was acting!
“Why do I…b-because when somepony gives you a name, y-you should give yours!” Twilight spluttered, astonished that somepony could be this poorly versed on simple manners.
“Just checking.” The stallion responded, his smile back on his face, “Name’s Free Will. Nice to met’cha!” He stuck out a hoof, going for a hoof shake, but Twilight reached out and smacked
it away.
“Why did you ask if you could k-kiss me?” Twilight asked, still both angry and confused.
“Social experiment.” Free said nonchalantly. There was a short moment of silence before continuing. “Actually, you were the first pony I tried this on. Gotta say, not too fond of the result. Seriously, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He lowered his voice and mused to himself in a hushed voice. “Maybe I should try with a stallion? Would that yield a different result? Granted, the ratio of homosexuals to heterosexuals is rather unfavorable in this area for that particular experiment, and a stallion would be far more likely to just knock my lights out if my question elicited-“
“Mister Will?” Twilight asked sharply, taking him out of his musings.
“Hm? Oh. Just call me Free, Miss Sparkle.” Free said with a winning smile. Twilight was not amused.
“That seems like a bit of a double standard.” Twilight noted. Or maybe he just thought she looked old? How could she look old!? She was in her prime for Celestia’s sake! How-
“Oh, it’s just one of my rules.” Free said, waving a hoof.
“What rules?” Twilight asked with exasperation. This was getting more confusing and tangled by the minute. She just wanted to know why the stallion was acting strangely, not get into a mind-bending discussion!
“I have a set of moral and ethical rules.” Free explained. “Rule number six: always be polite to mares. From my experiments, I’ve determined that sixty percent of mares ages fifteen and up like being called ‘miss’. They find it charming.”
“And why do you have these ‘rules’?” Twilight inquired, glossing over how some mares she knew wouldn’t enjoy being called ‘miss’, particularly a certain cyan pegasus. Free chuckled at her question as if the answer was completely obvious.
“To distinguish myself as a pony, and not a beast.” He answered.
Twilight thought about that. She fiigured that without morals and ethics, yes, you would be like a non-sapient beast. But then again…
“I don’t think it’s very polite to ask a mare you just met if she can kiss you.” She said, finding a flaw in his moral code. Free pondered for a moment on that, rubbing his chin with a hoof. He then reached into his saddle bag, ripped out the front sheet, and deposited into the nearby trash bin. Before it could reach the bottom, Twilight’s horn lit up, and she levitated the sheet over to her.
Kissing Experiment
Twilight Sparkle Unicorn Mare Negative reaction
The unicorn raised an eyebrow as she read the sheet of paper. Kissing experiment? She crumpled up the sheet and tossed it in the bin, then returned her attention to the odd stallion.
“Why did you feel the need to take a social experiment on whether or not a mare you just met would kiss you?”
“To learn what to avoid.”
“As in…avoid kissing girls out of nowhere?”
“No. To avoid the conventions of society.”
That’s about when Twilight threw in the towel and wrote the stallion off as bonkers. Not even Pinkie bonkers, like…like Discord bonkers.
“See,” the stallion continued, “I feel that society places a lot of rules upon us that we have no obligation to follow.”
“…Like kissing mares you just met?”
“Exactly!”
“…I’m going to the hospital. Maybe they’ll have room in the mental ward.”
“Why would you want to go to a mental ward?”
Twilight paused on her way to the door.
“No.” She said slowly. “I’m going to ask if they have room for some crazy stallion that’s spewing nonsense in my library.”
Free glanced around, as if searching for somepony. Twilight groaned and smacked a hoof to her forehead. How could somepony be this dense?
“Oh. Oh, you mean me?” Free said whilst pointing at himself. Twilight gave him a nod, and he burst into laughter.
“I’m quite sane, Miss Sparkle.” He assured her. “But I do get that reaction a lot. I guess I don’t act too much like a, ‘normal’, pony, now do I?”
“No, no you don’t.” Twilight confirmed flatly. Free pumped his hoof in victory, his smile turning into a full blown grin.
“Awesome!” He exclaimed. Twilight was baffled. She just called this stallion strange, and he was celebrating?
“I don’t understand.” Twilight said, reaching her limit. If this went on, the confusion would break her.
“No, I wouldn’t think so.” Free mused, squinting his eyes at her. “But then again, not many do.”
Twilight furrowed her brow and frowned.
“Well that’s just plain rude.”
“If you want, I could try to explain myself.” Free offered. “I’ve got all the time in the world,” He glanced around the empty library, “and I can clearly see that business is booming.”
Twilight’s frown deepened into a scowl. Her horn flashed, and the rather odd earth pony was knocked off his hoofs and into a chair. Twilight trotted over to her couch and unceremoniously plopped onto it.
“Just do it.” She groaned, her voice muffled by the cushion her face was buried into.
Free got comfortable in his chair, cleared his throat, and went on to explain his odd mannerisms.
“Mmm…” He hummed, scratching his head. “How to begin…alright. Tell me, Miss Sparkle, have you had a birthday party?”
Twilight raised her head from the cushion and gave Free a confused look.
“Yes…why do you ask?”
“Did these birthday parties have cakes?”
“Yes…”
“Alright. Now tell me: have you ever, even for a fleeting moment, EVER, had the thought of ‘what would happen if I slammed my face into this cake, right now, in front of all of these people?’ cross your mind?
Twilight straightened up, surprised by his odd query. She thought back to every birthday party she’d ever been to, and come to think of it…
“Well…yes, I suppose.” She admitted. “But it’s not like I’d ever act on those kinds of thoughts.”
“And why is that?” Free asked, excited. She was getting closer.
“Because people would think I was being ridiculous.”
“Why?”
“B-Because it is?”
Free leaned forwards in his chair and looked right into Twilight’s eyes.
“And who dictates that?” He whispered, a manic look on his face.
Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but then soon closed it. She thought hard about it, trying to find an answer, but a rare phenomenon occurred.
Twilight was stumped.
“…Who?” She asked, defeated.
“SOCIETY!” Free yelled, standing up in his chair and gesturing to the heavens. Or the ceiling.
Whichever.
“W-What?” Twilight stuttered, moving back in the couch, unnerved by his energy. Free jumped off of his chair and on the opposite side of the couch, startling the lost mare.
“Society, Twilight.” He whispered eerily. “Generations of ponies upon generations of ponies creating rules for each other, formulating a status quo, making guidelines, stipulations, cages!
And who would break one of these rules, huh? At the risk of being cast out, ostracized, excluded, synonyms? Nobody.”
He leaned back in the couch, giving Twilight small comfort.
“Except for me, of course.” He said with a smirk and a shrug. He noticed the look on Twilight’s face and his own fell.
“Oh dear.” He said, adopting a more mothering tone. “I’ve gone and made you uncomfortable again, haven’t I?”
Twilight gulped and shook her head.
“N-No.” She said defensively. The mare took a deep breath before continuing. “S-So…you believe that society has created rules?”
“Yeah.”
“And you don’t want to follow these rules?”
“Nah.”
“…Why?”
Free frowned and tilted his head. Somehow Twilight had gone and confused him.
“What do you mean, why?”
“I mean…” Twilight began, trying to gather her thoughts, “if what you say is true, and that everypony follows these rules without question, then why bother doing things that are socially unacceptable for the sake of doing things that are socially unacceptable?”
Free laughed, rearing his head back as he did so.
“What? What’s so funny?” Twilight asked. Free wiped a tear of mirth from his eye and flashed his charming smile at Twilight.
“Because I want to live life.” He said simply.
“But…but if everypony else follows the rules, you’re implying that everypony but you aren’t living life to the fullest.”
“I’m not implying that.” Free said, raising an eyebrow. “I’m telling you that.”
Twilight rubbed her temple with a hoof, contemplating.
“I don’t understand.” She said finally.
“Miss Sparkle, this is the only life that we get.” Free said in an oddly happy tone. “I have no intention of having somebody else tell me how to live it. If I did, it’d be a waste.”
He looked down, his lips curling down into a downcast frown.
“Sometimes it’s hard for me.” He said quietly. “Walking around, seeing everybody stuck in their invisible prisons. Well, invisible to them. I can see them clear as day…and it pains me. But I’m not about to tell them how to live their lives, so I say nothing. Only reason I’m telling you this is because…I don’t know, I guess I’ve just been holding this in for so long that I just…I’m sorry.”
There was a silence where both parties sat on the couch, unmoving, Free with his sad eyes and Twilight with her intrigued ones.
“And it’s the same with laws.” Free added suddenly. “What pony is allow to dictate what I and cannot do, what is wrong and what is right, immoral and moral?”
Twilight was taken aback? Was he saying what she thought he was saying?
“You break the law?” She asked aggressively.
“No!” Free exclaimed. “No, never! I’m just…just so…insulted, insulted that somepony thinks that I can’t determine what’s right and wrong. I know not to steal, not because of the penalty but because it feels wrong to steal. I know not to assault somepony because I would not wish it upon myself. I know these things because of myself, not anypony else.”
“Your set of morals and ethics…” Twilight whispered, the pieces coming together in her mind. “They’re the only things between order and chaos for you…”
“Hence their creation.” Free said. “I remember a time when I followed the laws of society, the laws of government. I remember a time when I tired of their hold on me, and let go of them. For around a week, I wandered, everything stripped from me. It was then that I created my rules. That was when my cutie mark appeared.”
He gestured to his flank, displaying his strange cutie mark.
“It symbolizes anarchy. It means that I recognize no authority, that the only one with a hold over me, is me.
The clock suddenly rang out, and both ponies looked up to see that it was ten in the afternoon.
“Oh, look at the time.” Free said softly. “I should be off. I’ve taken enough of your time as it is.”
The stallion jumped down from the couch and made his way to the door.
“Where are you going?” Twilight asked. “Do you live in Ponyville?”
“No.” Free Mind said as he opened the door to the library. “I wonder. I’ll probably be heading to Appleoosa. Maybe Rainbow Falls. And hey.” He cast a backwards glace to Twilight, smiling one last time. “Maybe if I’m lucky, my little social experiment will bear fruit with someone half as pretty as you.”
Twilight blushed faintly, and her eyes widened. Free simply chuckled, exited the library, and shut the door behind him.
She went upstairs to retire for the night, a lot on her mind, but a lightness in her heart.
