Night of the Krampus

by Wise Cracker

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 5899

It's Krampus Night; the time when naughty children get what they deserve. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are on the wrong list...

(Written for the Balloon Pony Holiday Contest)

At long last, after many centuries of neglect, ponies are celebrating the tradition of Krampus Night again.

It's a night when the Krampus, friend to all children, brings treats and toys for all the sweet boys and girls of Equestria.

And the naughty ones? Well, the toys have to come from somewhere...

Published 2014-12-29 17:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-29 17:30:02 UTC

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in: A Hot Tub

”Ugh, remind me why we have to do this again?” Diamond Tiara asked.

”You’re still on probation after the Foal Free Press incident, and Miss Cheerilee said we had to be nice to Apple Bloom and her friends,” Silver Spoon replied.

”But why do we have to play the bad guys?”

Indeed, that question had been on their minds ever since the casting for this play had started. ’The Night of the Krampus,’ it was called, and it was based on one of the oldest stories and holidays known to Equestrian ponies. It pre-dated even the legend of Nightmare Moon, which explained why no one had heard of it around their parts. Not that it was a particularly good story, mind: once upon a time, when Equestrian ponies were still getting settled in and trying to get their crops to grow, there was a shortage of sugar and, by extension, of sugary treats. Caramel had been become a rarity, cakes a thing of myth and fancy, the best anyone got was muffins. Even the household of Chancellor Puddinghead, home to some of the finest cotton candy weavers and cake construction workers of their generation, had had to make due with mere scraps.

Spike had done the narrating of the story, of course, and the two girls had to admit he was good at it. They could, as they put it, totally tell he’d practised. And so had they, no one could deny that. The girls had been drafted, yes, but they’d accepted their duty and done their best to follow all the demands of the story to the letter. It wasn’t that boring, either; any setting that made a big deal about luxury and poverty could keep Diamond Tiara riveted, and Silver Spoon’s sweet tooth – a shame she hid with all the diligence of a high-society lady – was more than enough reason to like the mere exposition part of it.

They just had a problem with the plot.

As the story goes, children in those days were used to not getting any treats. They got their food, they got their toys, and if they were fortunate enough they got a pat on the back or a hug from their loving parents. The less fortunate had to cope with the stress of their hard-working parents and the pressure that was put on them to perform in the apprenticeship system, a fancy term Miss Cheerilee used to describe foal labour under a teacher.

Some children were little angels who took care of small woodland creatures, shining examples who could never do any harm and who had to suffer a lack of sweet treats that they so deserved.

Some children were evil, conniving little bullies intent taking away the last bit joy the aforementioned angels had left in this sugar- and sweetness-deprived land.

To say Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon felt typecast would be an understatement.

But the show had to go on, after all, even with a childishly simple plot. They just had to strut about on stage, wearing slightly more colourful clothes than the other children, and brag about how their maid did all the cooking. Then there was the scene where, of course, Dinky Do, the lead, got insulted by both of them for having the audacity to do charity work for an animal shelter.

Scene after scene they had to be mean, and Dinky Do’s character was brought further into despair. Yet every time, something would happen that cheered her up just a little: a fence in the animal shelter was fixed, a fresh bundle of carrots was delivered for the hungry bunnies, the usual cliché hindrances and solutions.

So there they were now, at the final segment right after the kind heart of the filly had been broken for the last time by a dog – played by a very enthusiastic Snails – who bit her in the hoof and broke off a necklace that had been dear to her. Again, cliché.

”Are you still going to go that dumb animal shelter?” Diamond asked.

Dinky Do shook her head. ”No.”

”Why not?”

”You’re right. There’s no point. Animals don’t look out for you, why should you look out for them? You don’t get anything for it.”

Diamond and Silver had rehearsed their lines many times, but that didn’t make it any easier. Dinky Do was a good actress, as it turned out, and she captured the hopelessness and despair of the little unicorn filly with a heart of gold. In reality, neither Diamond nor Silver felt good about their lines. Of course it was okay to take care of animals; they were fluffy and cute, and you could dress them up. Even in the old days, they knew, there was a point to keeping animals that couldn’t talk, especially if they could find pony food. But such thinking wasn’t the point of the story.

Dinky Do was a good child.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were naughty children.

And then the devil showed up.

”Oh, no, little girl! A kind heart is always rewarded! Here, have a treat from me.”

The girls had to force themselves not to roll their eyes at the terrible moral – be nice so you get stuff – and the hammy performance from Sweetie Belle and her friends. It was obviously them in the suit, of course, realistic though it looked. A red, hairy biped with the burly build of a minotaur, but more of a dog’s nose than a cow’s, the Krampus was supposedly a friend to all children. He certainly didn’t look like one, with his cloven goat hooves, big beady eyes and giant antlers sticking out of his head. He looked more like a demon from Tartarus than anything else. And, to be fair, the suit looked spot on, no seams at all. It moved fluidly, too, as it gave Dinky that rarest of treasures: candy. Like any good actress, she smiled with genuine joy.

”As for you, little ones.” The Krampus suit spoke with a deep voice, no doubt thanks to Sweetie Belle’s magic. ”You deserve a little treat of your own.”

Diamond scowled when she got her present. Silver Spoon looked at her, clearly thinking the same. The Krampus had given her a beet. Was Sweetie Belle seriously expecting her to mess this up? ”A turnip? Why don’t we get any candy?”

They both knew the answer, of course: because they were not good girls.

Krampus smirked. ”Naughty children like you do not get candy. You get the sack!”

And there came the moment they’d both dreaded. They hadn’t had time to rehearse this, since Apple Bloom couldn’t get her suit to work right until just before the performance. It worked now, though, and well enough to swoop down its burlap sack over the two fillies and scoop them up before slamming them both against its back. They grumbled and squirmed, and at least one loud ’Ow!’ could be heard from inside as the devil-like creature turned to the audience.

”Remember, my deer and little ponies, if you are sweet, sweet things will come your way. However, harbour a hollow heart, and you may find yourself bagged.”

Silver Spoon pouted. ”That’s not the words. She’s making it up.”

Diamond Tiara shook her head, then gulped when she heard the crowd cheering. From the movement of the bag, they could tell the suit was taking a bow. Then they heard the other children come up on stage and bow.

”Hey, let us out, the play’s over.”

They didn’t hear. The applause was too loud.

”Funny how they’re all cheering when we’re in the sack,” Diamond Tiara remarked.

”It’s not that,” Silver Spoon replied. ”They’re probably just impressed by the blank flanks’ suit.”

”Yeah, it is pretty lifelike. It’s got the smell and everything.”

”And now,” Sweetie Belle declared with her warped voice, ”I must depart. Happy Krampus Night, everypony!”

The girls barely had time to gasp before their world exploded in a flash of light.

”Great performance, everypony,” Cheerilee said, trotting backstage.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo held their heads low. ”We’re sorry, Miss Cheerilee.”

”Sorry? For what?”

”The suit wouldn’t work,” Scootaloo replied. ”It was my fault; I tightened the bolts too much on the joints, and I couldn’t get them loose again.”

”No, it was my fault. I didn’t account for the lever action enough,” Apple Bloom retorted.

”No, it’s my fault,” Sweetie Belle added. ”I thought my magic would be strong enough to move it, but it wasn’t.”

Cheerilee took a moment to let that sink in. ”Then how did you move the suit on stage?”

”We didn’t,” Apple Bloom replied. ”I think Twilight just conjured somethin’ up for us.”

Right on cue, the purple pony princess pranced towards them. ”Great job, girls. Perfect rendition of the Krampus myth, except for the beet. You really couldn’t find a turnip?”

Cheerilee’s heart sank. ”Twilight, did you conjure up a living Krampus suit?”

”No, why?”

Cheerilee shook her head, panic setting in. ”T-they couldn’t get their suit to work. But I just saw a Krampus on stage. You didn’t do that?”

”No. I don’t think any Ponyville pony can do that, either.”

Apple Bloom shuddered. ”Then where’s Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?”

Cheerilee’s breath quickened. ”And who are they with?”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon huffed as they felt the bag shift. The burlap sack didn’t let a lot of light filter in, but they could tell they were moving, at least. They were somewhere cold, probably Sweetie Belle’s teleportation spell that had missed its target by a few yards.

”Time to come out, little girls,” the Krampus announced, upending the bag to let the fillies spill out into the snow.

Snow. They were in snow. They weren’t in the theatre anymore. Looking around, they saw only pine trees and white fields. They weren’t even in Ponyville anymore.

”Hey, what’s the big idea, blank flank?” Diamond Tiara started. ”Did you have to be so rough with us?”

”Oh, my, you do have a big mouth. Why do you find an untarnished rump a point of insult, anyway?”

”Very funny, Sweetie Belle,” Silver Spoon said. ”We know that’s you under there. Just because you can teleport now doesn’t mean we’re scared of you.”

The fillies in the Krampus suit giggled. ”I’m sorry, girls. I guess it’s just force of habit. Here, have these,” Sweetie Belle said, handing Diamond Tiara and and Silver Spoon a black bon bon each. ”We were going have these after the play, but we figured you deserved this. You did good, really. Thanks a lot.”

Silver Spoon sniffed the candy. It smelled of banana, lemon, orange, kiwi, all at the same time. ”Ooh...” She picked up her treat in a hoof and wasted no time working it down.

Diamond Tiara grumbled and took her candy as well. ”Don’t think this changes anything. You still need to get us back to Ponyville.”

Diamond and Silver ate the candy, slowly. The tastes of fruit filled their mouths, like some sort of magic was on the sweets, but then with Apple Bloom’s experience in potion making that wasn’t too big a surprise.

The holiday demon grinned when both girls swallowed the candy. ”There we go. That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?”

”Why are you talking with a demon voice again?” Silver Spoon asked. ”Cut the act, it’s creepy.”

The grin on Krampus’ face widened. Diamond Tiara recoiled. ”S-Silver Spoon? I’m not so sure that’s an act.”

The girls turned and bolted, only to fall headfirst into the snow.

”D-Diamond? I can’t muh-move.”

Diamond’s breath caught in her throat. ”I can’t feel my fur. I can’t feel the snow on my fur.”

”You’re welcome, little girls. It’s quite cold out here, and I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable.” The Krampus chuckled.

”What did you do to us?”

”Oh, just made you a little better adjusted to your new purpose, that’s all.”

”What do you mean?”

Krampus marched through the snow and tilted Diamond Tiara’s head towards Silver Spoon, and Silver Spoon's towards Diamond.

”Diamond! You’re shiny!”

”So are you!”

”Oh, you approve? I’m so glad you like it. See, here I was, wondering what to do with a pair of naughty little girls like you, when I had an epiphany: why not just make you on the outside what you are on the inside? Hollow, unfeeling, uncaring, plastic shells.”

Diamond shook her head vehemently, tears starting to form on her face. ”No, please don’t. I don’t wanna be plastic. I like my fur; it’s pretty!”

”See? That’s just what I’m talking about. Nothing but hollow, shallow thoughts in that silly little mind of yours.”

Diamond gasped when she saw her friend turn more transparent. ”Silver Spoon... what’s happening to you?”

”I don’t know. I feel like my insides are melting. It doesn’t hurt, but it feels so weird. I can’t move. Why can’t I move?”

”That’ll be the devilfruit treat you ate. An old recipe, but a good one.” The Krampus flashed them a toothy smile.

Silver Spoon tried to close her eyes when she found herself moving again.

The Krampus chuckled when her arms and legs spread out. ”Ah, and there we have the first big shift. Tell me, how is your face feeling?”

Diamond and Silver tried to scream, but their lips became sealed and their bodies froze in position, spread-eagle with their necks forced up to look at each other.

”Mmmm! Mmm!”

”I wouldn’t bother trying to speak, Silver Spoon. Not without lips, at least. But don’t worry, you won’t be able to try in a few moments.”

Panic overtook them, even as they lost the ability to show it. They could feel the changes happening, and see it in the pony in front of them. First their fur took on an unnatural sheen. Then their bodies began to dissolve, hooftips first. It didn’t hurt, but it left only their now rubbery skin touching the snow. They couldn’t feel the cold, though, not like they normally would. Instead of a biting sensation on the surface, the stuff inside them spread the cold from the inside out.

The truly terrifying sight, though, were the seams. Silver Spoon’s eyes widened, and she screamed inside when she saw the seams appear along Diamond Tiara’s body. They crept along the sides of her arms like centipedes, hissing as more and more of her organs just vanished, leaving nothing but thin air in their wake.

They both stopped breathing at the same time. The pressure they should have felt in their lungs fell away to be spread all over their bodies, even as their stomach and hearts dissolved. Their tongues and teeth, the last few things they could move, went numb and unresponsive. Lastly, a swirl of magic danced in front of their eyes. They could feel the last of their young bodies be erased, the little wires from brain to eyes be cut, before their brains themselves vanished.

Diamond couldn’t believe it. Right in front of her, her friend lay. Her best friend. Her only friend, after Babs had turned on them. Her best friend in the whole wide world, the only other sugarlump rump in town, was now a featureless pooltoy, just a hollow shell of grey plastic with seams.

And so was she.

”Well, now, that’s much better.” The Krampus clapped his furry hands together before moving towards Diamond Tiara.

What are you doing? Stop, don’t-

”I can’t just carry you around all inflated, now, can I?”

Diamond felt something poke and prod on her flank.

No. No, please don’t.

It was too late. The catch was lifted, and with a firm push of his hand, all the air inside her hollow body was expelled.

Diamond Tiara felt dizzy, or she tried to. She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to be sick and throw up, but there was nothing in her stomach. There wasn’t even a stomach to throw up from. Her eyes wouldn’t close, either, even as they were crushed and flattened. One stared uselessly into the snow, the other at the terrifying Krampus. Diamond couldn’t even protest as she was folded in half, forcing one eye to stare at that cutie mark she was so proud of. It vaguely made her aware of the tiara on her head, which was also now just a piece of inflatable plastic.

Silver Spoon looked on helplessly through the rings of her balloon glasses as her friend disappeared into the sack again. The devil came to her next.

She didn’t protest, or scream inside. There wasn’t any point.

They were naughty children, and naughty children get punished.

When the girls regained consciousness, they heard a boy call out.

”Krampus! I-I... wow! I thought you were...”

”Slander and lies, my deer boy. Here, I come bearing gifts.”

Wait, what? We’re being given away?

We’re toys now, Diamond Tiara. At least we won’t get stuck in some toy chest, or that smelly bag.

The light of the outside world hit them as they were taken out of the bag. With a slight tweak on their flanks, they found themselves gulping in air on their own accord, inflating to full volume once more.

And with their eyes inflated, they could see where they were, and who was to receive them. It was a boy, a regular brown reindeer, from the looks of it, maybe one or two years older than them, judging by the size. And one who was very happy to get two filly-shaped balloons. ”Thank you, they look so lifelike.”

The Krampus chuckled. ”Yes, they are a bit more... animated than my usual fare. You have fun with those two, now, and don’t worry about your hooves: I made them from a very strong, very durable plastic. They won’t pop.”

Hooves?

Pop?

Before the boy could reply, the Krampus was gone. The reindeer picked up the two pooltoys, Silver Spoon draped over his back and Diamond Tiara on his antlers, and dropped them off right in front of a steaming hot tub. He stopped to think for a second, then headed into the house. From the corners of their eyes, the girls could tell it was a huge place, but only one story high. It looked like the sort of place mountainside resorts had, but they couldn’t turn their heads enough to see any windows.

Silver Spoon? Can you tell where we are?

I think it’s the Northern Provinces.

You mean the Crystal Empire?

No, farther than that.

This is weird. Are you in my head or am I in yours?

I think it’s both.

So that’s it, then. We’re stuck like this, pooltoys for some boy.

Your mom and dad will come looking for you, Diamond Tiara.

No, they won’t. They’re off somewhere, talking to some guy about shipments from... well, probably around here. They didn’t even come to see me at the play.

My parents didn’t show up, either. They had a meeting with a fancy jeweller.

Guess we’re both alone for Krampus Night, then.

”You too, huh?” the boy said, dropping a towel on the ground. He carefully placed a book right next to it.

You can hear us?

”Of course I can; I’m a reindeer. Why wouldn’t I be able to hear you?”

Never mind. Look, my name is Diamond Tiara, and this is Silver Spoon.

We’re both ponies, we’ve been kidnapped by the Krampus.

”Uhuh. My name’s Tobias,” the boy replied, gently nudging them into the water. ”And if that was the same Krampus as in our reindeer myths, that means you got what you deserved. The Krampus rewards good children and punishes the naughty ones. If you’ve been naughty, then this is your punishment.”

But, but... Diamond’s argument started to dissolve as she felt the warm water on her plastic skin.

”Relax, I’m not gonna hurt you or anything.”

Really? Silver Spoon would have smiled, if her mouth hadn’t already been painted that way.

Tobias slipped a hoof into the hot tub and wrapped his legs over the pony pooltoys so they held him up. ”Sure. I’m alone for Krampus Night, too.”

Diamond Tiara tried to find some way to steel her resolve again, to find some argument, some counterpoint to convince this Tobias to let her go home. But then she realised there wouldn’t be anyone home. No one who wasn’t being paid to look after her, at least. Even though they couldn’t glance at each other with their painted-on eyes, the girls knew they were both thinking the same thing.

Why are you alone? Isn’t this a holiday for you, too?

”Yes, Silver Spoon, it is. But a Krampus Night without a Krampus isn’t that much fun, and since he went missing a while back we umm... stopped caring, basically. My parents are both working, they’re not even in the country.”

Then where are they?

”Off to Equestria, actually. My mom’s got a meeting with a family of silversmiths, and my dad’s negotiating with some pony merchant about shipping.”

The girls both winced inside.

”I was thinking, do you like stories?”

Sure.

What kind of stories?

”Just stories. I, umm, I like reading, but to an audience. My parents say I’m not old enough to be anyone’s babysitter yet, but...” He reached for the storybook on the edge of the pool and opened it with a cloven hoof. ”What do you think? I could try sending a message out to Equestria. We’ve got a really good mailing system here.”

Diamond Tiara’s mind quietened, as did Silver Spoon’s.

”Well?”

I don’t think anyone’s ever read me a story before. Not outside of class, I mean.

It’s pretty nice, Diamond. It’s relaxing.

Tobias lounged on the two pooltoys, and despite their best efforts, they couldn’t help but feel a sense of belonging like that. After all, that’s what they were, and being used as such was only natural.

Story time sounds good to me.

Princess Luna strode through the corridor of Canterlot Castle, a smile upon her countenance as she passed a familiar face. ”Discord, why are you so cheerful?”

”Oh, no particular reason, my dear Luna. Just having a bit of fun on this fine Krampus Night.”

Luna furrowed her brow. ”Krampus Night? That’s ages ago. What did you do?”

”Nothing evil, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just donned my old disguise and did the old ’reward the sweet, punish the wicked’ routine. It’s amazing, really, I’d almost thought I’d lost my touch.”

”I see. So... I take it you just... appeared as the Krampus somewhere and joined the festivities?”

”You might say that, yes. I think I made quite the impression.”

”And you didn’t, per chance, pull any shenanigans on the children?”

”Shenanigans? Really, Luna, you know me better than that. I’ve done a lot of morally questionable things, I’ll grant you that, but I have never, ever, harmed children.”

Right at that moment, a bright flash of light appeared in front of the two. When it cleared, there were two ponies standing there: one a perturbed purple pony princess and the other a dark pink Earth pony with a light pink mane.

”What did you do to the girls?!” Twilight shouted.

”Discord?” Luna asked.

”I swear this is not what it sounds like."

”Was that you in that Krampus disguise, Discord?” Cheerilee asked.

”Technically it’s not a disguise, Cheerilee: I am the Krampus. Always have been, always will be.”

”Discord, what did you do?” Luna asked.

Discord shot a furtive glance to Princess Luna. ”Just the usual. It’s tradition: the Krampus chooses children who’ve been good and rewards them with sweets, and he chooses naughty children and puts them in his sack. That’s how it goes, that’s how it always went. Why are you so upset about it?”

”You kidnapped two little girls, Discord,” Cheerilee argued. ”What did you do to them? Where are they now?”

”Oh, they’re fine. I just turned them into inflatable pooltoys and handed them over to a young reindeer buck of my acquaintance.”

The ponies all dropped their jaws at that. Luna was the first to recover. ”You did what?”

”I turned them into pooltoys and gave them to a young reindeer buck I happen to know, friend of a friend, you might say.”

Cheerilee shook her head. ”Why?”

”I just said it was tradition, didn’t I? Krampus Night is the night where anything can happen: a pony can be turned into a toy, a puppet, even a piece of food. It’s all in good fun, even if it is a little scary.”

Luna pressed her hoof to her forehead.

Twilight fumed. ”How are you so calm about this? You call yourself reformed? You probably scarred those poor girls for life! Do you even know where they are right now?”

”Of course I know where they are, what do you take me for? I’ve seen the boy around, I know him well enough to know they are safe. And honestly, Twilight, I don’t see what the big deal is. This is Krampus Night, my holiday. The whole point is to give children a sweet treat or a little scare, whichever is more appropriate.”

”But you can’t just play judge and jury for two little girls because you don’t agree with how they act,” Cheerilee replied.

”But that’s the beauty of it, Cheerilee: I don’t! Every child is on the good list and the naughty list, that’s the whole point. Anything can happen, to any pony. I don’t hate Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon; I barely know them from what Fluttershy told me. If I did hate them, I’d have turned them into a orthros pooltoy.”

Twilight tried to see the sense in that, but found none. ”Huh?”

”Well, if you think they’re joined at the hip and they’re both little bi-”

”Little... what, Discord?” Cheerilee glared at him.

”Two sweet little angels who are sadly misunderstood by their peers,” Discord quickly corrected himself. ”Anyway, I just did what tradition dictated. No harm done.”

Luna sighed. ”Yes, there is, Discord. These two girls you speak of, they were scared, I take it?”

”No more than I’d expect from being transformed by a hairy devil. But it’s Krampus Night, for crying out loud, that’s supposed to happen.”

”No, it’s not, Discord. Krampus Night hasn’t been celebrated for centuries. Ponies who are celebrating it now only do so as a treat for children, not to scare them.”

”Really? But... the magic, the scares, I always did that back in the old days and ponies laughed afterwards. Why wouldn’t they laugh now?”

Luna shook her head sadly. ”Back in the old days? You mean the period pony historians now know as the ’Age of Insanity’?”

”Come now, I’ve read the history books, and there is no mention of any ’Age of Insanity.’ There’s hardly any history in them at all. Why, you aren't even in... oh.” Discord’s jaw went slack.

Luna smiled at the dragonequus in sympathy. ”You forgot about my sister’s penchant for revisionist history.”

”Yes... my favorite kind of history, too. You mean to tell me Krampus Night is being brought back as just some tame little children’s holiday with no scares and just a sugary sweet moral to, ugh, be nice to each other?” He gagged at the very thought.

”Yes, Discord, that is exactly what I’m saying. It’s more of a celebration of family now, not a time when a devil can steal away children for some random mind-boggling shenanigans. It’s too close to Hearth’s Warming.”

”But, but... do ponies not have any scary holidays, then?”

”Just one,” Luna replied.

”And that would be?”

Luna let out a sheepish chuckle.

Discord frowned. ”No.”

”Nightmare Night, they call it. I was as surprised as you are, honestly.” Luna blushed.

”The one holiday that was all mine... the one good thing from my reign over ponies... and you took that from me. That hurts, Luna.”

”We can work out some arrangement regarding holiday duties later, Discord. In the meantime, there are two little girls who aren’t aware that their predicament is part of tradition, and even if they did I don’t think they’d feel any better for it. Could you please bring them back and return them to normal?”

Discord let a long and heavy sigh. ”I suppose I should, shouldn’t I?”

Wait, I don’t get it. He only flew when he knew he could? I thought all reindeer could fly?

”No, not all of them. The gift of flight is only passed on from father to son. That’s the legend, at least. But my mom can fly, too, so it’s probably a little more complicated than that.”

Then how can you tell if a reindeer can fly or not?

Tobias rolled over, landing his full weight on the Diamond Tiara pooltoy to look up at the sky. ”You can’t. They just do, and then you know.”

Silver Spoon bobbed along the warm water, thinking. So, can you fly, Tobias?

The reindeer boy shrugged. ”No. Wouldn’t know what to do with it, anyway.”

Really? I’d love to be able to fly.

”Why? I thought Earth ponies had super strength and animal empathy powers?”

We do. I mean, most of us do, sure.

Yeah, we’ve got a couple of really strong kids in our class, but we don’t like to do any rough stuff like that.

Tobias swam over to lounge on Silver Spoon again, and pulled Diamond closer to the front edge of the tub. ”Why not?”

Oh, you know. It’s just that we’re a little more, um...

”Fancy?”

Yeah, fancy. My daddy doesn’t like it when I get dirty, unless it’s some farmer tradition.

”Oh, I get it. You have to be nice so his business associates don’t think ill of him? Like all you are is your father’s child? Or your mother’s?”

Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

”So what do you do for fun, then?”

Diamond would have sighed if she could. Silver Spoon answered for her.

We make our own fun. What about you?

Tobias chuckled. ”Same thing, kinda. I make toys.”

Toys?

”Yeah. Stuffed animals, mostly. I sew, I crochet... it’s fun making up new characters. Even if they end up just sitting on a shelf. And, you know, it’s not exactly a popular hobby around here.”

Wow. Don’t you get lonely?

”Don’t you?”

Sometimes, but we’ve got each other.

”Well, there you go. You’ve got each other, I’ve got my toys.”

I don’t think that’s really the same, Tobias.

”Sure it is. It’s just rich kids’ troubles.”

The girls didn’t reply. They just relaxed and carried his weight on the water like good little pooltoys.

Got any more stories?

”Got a whole book full of them.”

Discord reappeared in a flash of light. ”You know, Miss Cheerilee, I was thinking. Who reported the girls missing?”

”I did.”

”Yes, but aside from you, who noticed they were gone?”

”I did,” Twilight replied. ”And Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.”

Discord nodded. ”I see. Not the girls’ parents, then?”

Cheerilee flinched. ”I beg your pardon?”

”Princess Luna, I’m afraid I can’t bring the girls back right away; they are enjoying themselves too much. Unless their family is in distress, I simply can’t do that to them.”

”Discord, please, you can’t be serious.” Luna said.

”Normally, I'd agree, but I’ve been learning. Now, I left those girls in good hooves, they are happy right where they are. If you really want me to ruin tonight for them and bring them back to their empty homes, you’re going to have to find their family.”

Cheerilee sighed and turned to Twilight. ”Is there nothing else we can do?”

”I’m afraid I’m putting my foot down,” Discord said, before uncorking his left leg, the goat one. ”Here, take this. Think of it as collateral.”

”Discord, why will you not just bring the girls back? We have only your word to trust, surely you can give us some sign of good faith?” Luna argued.

”You have my word, as Krampus, friend to all children, and as Discord, spirit of chaos who, need I remind you, never harmed children, the girls are fine. They are merely on a playdate, and happen to be pooltoys for some boy. Did I mention he has a very comfortable hot tub?”

Twilight sighed. ”Fine. But if they’re not back by tomorrow, or if they’re crying or hurt or traumatised in any way I’ll...”

”You’ll what? Turn me to stone again?”

”No. I’ll tell Fluttershy what you did.”

Discord shuddered. ”Oh, my. Didn’t think you had that kind of cruelty in you, Princess Twilight. I guess friends really do rub off on each other. In any event, this has been rather nice, but I do believe tonight is Krampus Night all over Equestria, and I just realised I have some catching up to do.”

”No more abductions, Discord,” Luna warned. "Ponies aren’t used to it anymore. Or transformations."

Discord rolled his eyes. ”Fine. I’ll just stick to throwing candy and ruffling some manes. Oh, which reminds me, Cheerilee, it was beets.”

”I beg your pardon?”

”During the sugar famine. I gave ponies beets, not turnips.”

The teacher nodded. ”Of course. I’ll be sure to amend that for next year’s play.”

”Please do. Take care of my leg while I’m gone!”

With that, he was off, another flash of light marking his departure.

”Do you think we can trust him?” Cheerilee asked.

”Let him have his fun,” Luna said. ”It’s only one day a year, after all.”

Cheerilee frowned at the bouncing goat’s leg circling her. ”Are you sure, though?”

”Of course. Discord is a spirit of chaos, yes, but he still recognises a good deal. He’s learned to appreciate what he has.”

”No, I mean, didn’t Discord make the days longer and shorter with his magic once? He could make Krampus Night last a week.”

Twilight and Luna exchanged a fearful glance.

”Uh oh.”

Author's Note

There is a lot going on in this fic, a lot. There's references to Belgian history, Santa Claus, Halloween, Saint-Nicholas and One Piece (with the same element, I might add), the Krampus from Alpine traditions, even sort of the Pact of Givers (which I had to Google, embarrassingly enough), and of course the Niko movies. Still need to see the second one in whole, but the bit's I've seen, I liked.

I want to make it clear, though, that while Discord's actions clearly are meant to cause distress to the fillies, he's not doing that out of hate. He scares them, because he still thinks he's allowed to, even supposed to. And back in his day, that meant doing it a lot more seriously. Identity being warped is a very primal experience, after all, and being tricked into thinking you're not as good/evil as you thought you were can be as scary as any monster. Discord's scary, but he's no Nightmare Moon. He takes a different angle, at least in this story.

I would have made the interactions between the pooltoys and their new (temporary) owner longer, but I was already way over the max word count for the contest.

See if you can find all the references. And happy holidays.