“Hello Changelings and slaves! This is your new queen, Queen Chrysalis, here to announce the first ever game of ‘Go Fuck Yourself’ in Equestria! The name, originally simply called ‘The Collection’, as many as you know, has been changed, in dedication to Princess Celestia and Equestria itself!”
The crowd roared, and many laughed. Celestia, however, did not. She had a particularly comfy spot in a nice slime chair, courtesy of the Queen herself. And her horn had been snapped off and shoved somewhere the sun don’t shine.
Queen Chrysalis stood atop a stage, in front of the royal hedge maze, statues could be seen in the background. Infront of her sat a large number of both ponies and changelings. The ponies had joined the Queen when they saw she had taken Equestria for herself and made herself the Queen of Equestria. The morning sun beat down upon them all as they sat and watched the time before the games had began.
Celestia had a constant scowl upon her face and a small blush, most likely from the feeling of being poked continuously. To add insult to injury, many of the ponies whom had joined the Queen would come up and point at Celestia, yelling “Molestia, Molestia!”
Sad thing was, it sort of made sense now that she had her own horn somewhere she thought she’d never have it and the fact that she was enjoying it.
“To those of you that don’t know how Go Fuck Yourself works,” she glanced at Celestia from her position on the outside stage with a smirk. “It is simple. Many different games involving violent challenges and terrible consequences. You will learn the games soon enough. We may destroy Canterlot in the process, but hey, why not?”
“A game?! I love games!” yelled a cheery and carefree pony.
She pushed through the crowd and made her way to the stage and Chrysalis.
“Pinkie Pie?” the now Queen of Equestria began. “I thought you were in Ponyville. I sent many Changelings there so no uprising or anything of the sort would face me! And how’d you get here so fast?”
“Two words: Pinkie Pie,” she giggled. “So when do the games start? I’d like to go first!”
“No one simply walks into Changeling territory and asks to play a game! I won’t allow it!” Chrysalis yelled.
“And no one simply walks into Mordor, either. They said it was impossible, but I did it! Just like I asked the Queen of the Changelings in her own territory if I could play a game!”
“I will NOT allow this!” Chrysalis roared. “I now control this vast nation, and many beyond this one! I could be considered a GOD!” she laughed hysterically.
“Well, you sure are holy,” Pinkie said to the Queen, pointing at her hooves and legs as she burst into a snort of laughter.
“Oh~, burn,” a pony was heard in the audience say to a Changeling, who nodded.
“I think I’m gonna call you Queen Holy from now on!” the pink party pony got out before bursting into another fit of laughter. “Holy hell look at the time, I’ve got a whole hour before I gotta get some whole wheat bread!”
Cheesy as the jokes were, Chrysalis’ face was as hot as the sun.
Pinkie took notice and said, “You’d think, with all those holes, you wouldn’t heat up so much!”
She met her point, but cooled herself down.
“Fine. You want to play? Then play,” she said calmly. “Maybe you’ll end up dead!”
“Oh don’t worry, I have three lives left!”
“Let the games begin!” the Queen of Equestria announced. “First up: Pinkie Pie, sitting to the left, and--um--a changeling! To the Right. I forgot his name. Names don’t matter, fuck names.” she said with a nervous chuckle.
“This is a little game I picked up when I first came to Equestria called ‘Equestrian Roulette.”
“I love this game!” Pinkie shouted.
Queen Chrysalis pulled out a revolver from under her wing and tossed it to the changeling at the table. He checked to make sure it had a single round in the six-chamber gun and popped the chamber back in place.
Never taking his eyes off Pinkie, he spun the chamber, a faint green glow surrounded it as he did. The chamber stopped abruptly, and he glanced down. He knew Chrysalis had rigged the game from where the bullet was sitting, he could see it from a small bit of the chamber jutting out, as on all revolvers.
“No re-spins,” he told Pinkie, who nodded. With a small chuckle, he smiled and brought the gun to his head and fired.
Nothing, just a click.
He slid the gun across the table to Pinkie. She picked it up and held it in her hooves, eyes growing wide as she swept her gaze all across the revolver.
“Oh~, shiny!” she giggled.
Without a care in the world, she pulled the gun to her head, smiled wide, and pulled the trigger.
Again, a simple click.
She mocked her opponent and slid it back across the table.
Without a word, he again lifted and pulled.
A click and he slid it to her.
“Is this how you changelings got your holes?” she asked honestly as she pulled the trigger for a second time.
The changeling Queen sat and smiled as she watched the show play out in front of her, saying not a word.
She then passed it to him, and he passed it back, both the click of an empty chamber.
“Oh~, I know what you did! But it won’t work!” she giggled and lifted.
“How would it n-” click!
Much of the audience gasped and whispered amongst themselves. The Queen and changelings sat, mouth agape.
“What? How?” Chrysalis stammered.
“That-that’s impossible!” he added.
Pinkie giggled and slid the gun to him, smiling.
“Your turn!”
“I-I-I,” he began. “That--how?”
“I’m Pinkie Pie.” she said earnestly.
He shook his head and let himself smile as a thought passed through confused mind.
“I see what you did. You somehow took the bullet out, right? ...Right?”
Pinkie giggled to herself and shrugged.
“May~ be!”
“Alright, fine then.”
He picked up the revolver with a shaking hoof and pressed the muzzle to his temple. He shut his eyes and pulled the trigger.
BLAM!
The crowd before them, stunned for just a moment, began to roar once again, clapping their hooves together and shouting in joy and amusement.
Pinkie Pie grinned and held up a hoof. On that hoof contained the single shining bullet she had taken from the weapon.
“What the fuck just happened?” she said with a chuckle.
“This next round I like to call ‘Blow Shit Up!’. Why use profanity so much in these names? Because it is fun! Why is it called Blow Shit Up? Because of this!”
The Queen opened a case she had beside her and pulled out an RPG and SMAW.
“Since Pinkie Pie made it to the next round, she gets to participate in this one as well.”
Chrysalis levitated the SMAW over to Pinkie, who greedily took it and grinned like a mad mare.
“The joys of blowing up things!” she yelled and quickly aimed at the statue of Discord. She fired, grinning madly.
The rocket soared through the air as it made its way to the draconequus of stone. A single, lone tear escaped its right eye as the rocket got closer and closer.
With a flash and a boom, the statue was gone. The only thing that remained was the base.
“Not yet, you idiot!” Chrysalis yelled and pushed the SMAW down.
Pinkie simply dropped it when she did and said with a happy smile, “Oh! Right! Explosions reminded me of this! I’m sorry we can’t play more games, but...”
The mare turned and grabbed something from her tail. She gave a happy little “AHA!” and thrusted a hoof into the air. In her hoof she carried a small triggering device.
“Click,” she said with a grin.
From the edge of Canterlot sat Twilight, impatiently awaiting the arrival of a certain Queen and pink pony.
“Where in the hell could she b-”
KA-BOOM!
A massive explosion was set off in the distance and all of Canterlot shook. Twilight gasped and braced herself against the side of a building.
“What in the hoof was that?” she asked herself once the rumbling had ceased.
The magical mare turned and gasped as a large cloud of smoke and dust rose into the sky.
Slowly taking her eyes off it, she lowered her gaze. What she saw confused her even more. Pinkie Pie, sleek black shades on and a soot covered Princess Celestia on her back, was seen trotting from the cloud.
Not knowing what to really do, Twilight met Pinkie halfway.
“Damn~. That was awesome.” Pinkie said to herself as Twilight walked up to her, her shades now off and in some unknown place.
“What--what happened?” Twi asked, both stunned and confused.
“I blew the place up.” Pinkie said casually. “The usual.”
“T-The usual? What?! Pinkie, you were supposed to lure Chrysalis out of Canterlot! And how the hell’d you survive something like that?!”
“Eh, she’s dead, it’s fine. And Twilight, you should know about my Pinkie Powers by now...”
“I wasn’t going to kill her, Pinkie! You just killed--Celestia knows how many innocent lives back there!”
“What’s done is done. But I gotta tell you, Twi,” Pinkie pointed at her. “Blowing things up gives you one mean appetite. Lets get some waffles.”
Pinkie began to trot off when she quickly turned around.
“Oh, and Twilight! It seems that I,” she pulled some shades out of her mane and quickly put them on. “Blew the queen. YEEEEAAAAH!”
With that, leaving Twilight even more confused, she left the stunned Twilight and the shocked and dazed Celestia there. The pink party pony dove off the edge of Canterlot, but did not fall, oh no, she slowly began to float her way toward Ponyville on her new quest.
Her quest to end her hunger.
Her quest--to find her waffles!
I--I dunno. I just--don’t know. This is all just random crap that just suddenly popped into my head so I wrote it down. This isn’t even pre-read or proofread, so if you see any errors, please leave a comment and I will gladly fix them (May be a lot). ^-^ Hope you enjoyed.
