The Doctor & Rainbow Dash Go Drinking
Knock knock knock!
"Doctor, you in there?" called out a feminine, but slightly tomboyish voice. The voice belonged to a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane, who happened to be knocking on a set of blue doors. One door had a small, square section with lots of black text on it, while the other just had a silver handle. At the top of these doors, there was a window for both, with blue wood dividing each window into six sections.
As Rainbow Dash was about to call for the Doctor once again, the door on the right swung open, revealing a handsome brown stallion, with a darker brown mane that stood up in just a way to make him look playful, but not childish. Behind him, a massive room that was impossibly crammed into the small police box he was in.
"Yes? Oh, hello, Rainbow! How've ya been?" the Doctor asked, relatively happy at first, until he noticed the rose in Rainbow's mouth. Frowning, he asked "What's that for?"
"You and me, we're going drinking. Now." Rainbow Dash responded, handing him the rose, taking his hoof, and dragging him down the street.
"Oh? Well, what's the rose for?" A confused Doctor asked. "What about the TARDIS?"
"The TARDIS isn't going anywhere, it'll be fine. And the rose," Dash explained with a blush, "is a Hearts and Hooves Day gift."
"Oh. Uh, thanks."
When they arrived at the pub, the Doctor was still confused about what was going on, but all that Rainbow had said was that it was Hearts and Hooves Day (Equestria's Valentine’s Day) and that they were going drinking.
"Dash, it takes a lot to get me drunk." the Doctor tried explaining, but Rainbow only answered with "Yeah, me too."
"Two ciders, please." Rainbow told the bartender as she and the Doctor entered the pub. "No, make that four."
"Four? Are we expecting someone else?" questioned the Doctor.
"No, just us two." Rainbow responded with a smirk as the bartender set the drinks down beside them.
“Y’know Doctor, I like you…” said Rainbow Dash, half a mug of cider in hoof and seven empty mugs beside her.
“Yeah, I like you too, Rainbow.” responded the Doctor, eleven empty mugs beside him and a rose tucked into his collar.
“No, Doctor, you don’t understand,” explained Rainbow, “I like you. A lot. You’re like, my best friend. You’re super smart, but you’re not an egghead, and you’re an alien! You’ve got the TARDIS! I mean, that thing’s awesome! I love it! I don’t ever wanna leave it, I’m gonna stay with you forever!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
The Doctor just smiled a nervous smile. “Thanks, Rainbow,” he began, “but I don’t know if tha-“
“Doctor, I love you.”
“Oookay! Two more ciders, please!” the Doctor called, nervously.
“I CAN’T DECIDE WHETHER YOU SHOULD LIVE OR DIE! OH, YOU’LL PROB’LY GO TO HEAVEN, PLEASE DON’T HANG YOUR HEAD AN’ CRY!” sang the Doctor and Rainbow Dash, a very sloppy and out of key duet. There were now 13 empty cider mugs on Rainbow’s side of the table, and 18 on the Doctor’s.
“NO WONDER WHY MY HEART FEELS DEAD INSIDE! IT’S COLD AND HARD AND PETRIFIED! LOCK THE DOORS AND CLOSE THE BLINDS, WE’RE GOING FOR A RIDE!”
“Oh, that brings back some memories! I love that song!” stated the Doctor joyfully, but his smile quickly faded. “I miss the Master… But wow, can you sing! Where’d you learn this?”
“Pinkie Pie held me captive in her basement and wouldn’t stop singing it with a knife.”
“Kinky.”
“Doctor!”
After the fourth time, Roseluck thought that those drunken idiots would be done with their stupid obsession with that stupid song. Nope. The minute she heard that song begin to play for the fifth damn time, she snapped.
“That is it! How am I supposed to sleep with this nonsense constantly blasting from across the street!?” she screamed. Without bothering to even attempt to fix her disastrous mane, the cream colored Earth pony decided she’d had enough of this, and stormed downstairs and outside to put an end to this drunken idiocy.
When she saw who was responsible, she was astonished.
“…SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING I’VE FORGOTTEN-”
“Doctor! Where the hell have you been, it’s been a year and a half! AND WHO IS SHE!?” she screamed, pointing a hoof at the rainbow maned mare in front of her.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” the Doctor’s question was met with a prompt slap to the face.
“Doctor, I think that’s Roseluck. You’re Roseluck, right?” Rainbow spoke, slightly confused as to what the hay just happened.
“Oh, Roseluck! Hi! A year and a half, really? That’s… wow, uh, sorry ‘bout that, must’ve lost track of time.”
“You disgust me.”
“NO WONDER WHY MY HEART FEELS DEAD INSIDE…” Rainbow continued to sing as Roseluck very angrily left the building, leaving a confused timelord behind her.
“Hm. A year and a half, not bad.”
“You have two hearts? How have you never told me that, that’s awesome!”
“I know, right? I don’t know how you ponies live with just one! I was a human once, like an actual human, and it was terrible!”
“What’s a human? Is that some type of alien with suckers all over it and venom sacks in its tongue?”
“No, that’s a zygon, totally different.”
“Wait, those actually exist?”
“Rainbow, with over nine hundred years of time and space on my side, I can safely say that everything exists somehow.”
“Even parallel dimensions? Where everything is the same, but slightly different, like in the comics?”
Looking down at the rose that Rainbow Dash had given him, he simply said “Yes.”
“I loved her! I loved her, Rainbow, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone!” the Doctor cried, tears streaming down his face like a salty waterfall of emotion. “She’s gone, and I’ll never see her again!”
“Doctor, it’s okay,” Rainbow Dash said, in an attempt to comfort him. She didn’t know how long she could keep this up, though, seeing the Doctor in this much pain was bringing tears to her own eyes. “It’s okay…”
“No, it’s not, Rainbow! I’m stuck with a big blue box and Ten Two gets her! All of time and space is nothing compared to Rose! She was brilliant, and I lost her, just like I always do! They always leave, or die, or change, and it’s always my fault!”
“That’s not true. You couldn’t have saved her; there was nothing you could do.” Rainbow Dash said, she herself beginning to shed some tears for the Doctor’s lost companion. “At least she’s happy, Doctor. She’s got Ten Two, and she’s happy.”
Despite Rainbow Dash’s efforts to comfort the lonely stallion beside her, he continued to cry, and that made her cry. So, she did the only thing she could think of; she hugged him. And to her surprise, he hugged back.
The Doctor was shocked. He was just sitting there, attempting to count the empty mugs scattered across their table (which, by the way, he couldn’t, since his vision was too hazy and he kept losing track of what number he was at), when suddenly, he was face to face with a cyan mare and something moist was pressed against his lips. After a moment, the Doctor realized that it was, in fact, another set of lips.
“Mmm Mmmmph mm mmmm mmmphhh!” was all he could say before realizing he couldn’t move, as he was against a wall and had no place to go.
“I’ve defeated the Daleks, the Cybermen, Zygons,” he thought “and yet, I’m always defeated by an unexpected kiss.”
“Doctor, we should call the princesses.” stated Rainbow Dash. “It would be SO. AWESOME! Imagine if Celestia and Luna were with us, it’d be super cool!”
“Well, Celly sure can party,” the Doctor chuckled. His tie was around his forehead by now, “but I don’t know if Lu-Lu would like to see me again. Like, ever.”
“Wait, you know those two? That’s even better, call ‘em up!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, excitedly.
“I think I might do that, actually;” the Doctor said with a grin. “I can’t wait to see their faces when I call them!”
A bright light flooded the eyes of the princess. “Is it time to raise the sun, already?” she asked to no one in particular. In the next room, she heard her sister mutter something along the lines of it being too damn early to wake her. “I suppose she was woken up, too.” she thought. “How strange…”
“Your Highness, there has been a call for you,” said the one who woke her, one of her personal guards. Night Light, the name was, if she recalled correctly. Strangely fitting for the circumstances. She heard one of her sister’s guards say the exact same thing to her, almost in unison to Night Light. “From somepony named ‘the Doctor’.”
Celestia’s ears perked up in excitement as she heard the name. “Oh, I haven’t heard from him in ages! Millennia, at the very least!” she thought.
As her sister heard the news, she screamed a high pitched, almost childish scream. Celestia couldn’t decide if it was fear or excitement.
As the sisters walked into the small pub in Ponyville, they were greeted by a very intoxicated Doctor and an equally drunk Rainbow Dash.
“Celly! Lu-Lu! How have you been? How long has it been?” asked the Doctor. He was almost the friendliest they’ve ever seen him.
“No, really, how long? No one will tell me what year it is, I’m really confused.”
The sisters just let out a laugh, as they called out in unison “Two ciders, please!”
“Y’know Doctor, *HIC* we like you…” said Luna, half a mug of cider in hoof and nine empty mugs beside her.
“Yeah, I like you too, Lu-Lu.” responded the Doctor, countless empty mugs beside him.
“No, *HIC* Doctor, you do not understand,” explained Luna, “We like you. A lot. You were our best friend. You are very old, but you- *HIC* you do not look a day over thirty, and you are an alien! You have the TARDIS! That thing is *HIC* awesome! We loved it! We did not ever want to leave it, we wanted to stay with you forever!” Luna exclaimed.
The Doctor just smiled a nervous smile. “Thanks, Lu-Lu,” he began, “but I’ve got the weirdest sense of déjà vu, an-“
“Doctor, we love you.”
“Oookay! Four more ciders, please!” the Doctor called, nervously.
Rainbow just laughed.
“No, no, you can’t do this! Celly, this has to be illegal! Stoppit!” the Doctor yelled, begged and pleaded to be let loose, but to no avail.
“Doctor, there is no way around this. You are going to get your hair dyed rainbow, and that is final.” responded Celestia, as she, Luna, and Rainbow dragged a tied up Doctor down the streets and to the hair salon.
“Besides, you should be thankful;” Rainbow Dash added, “now you’ll look as awesome as me!”
“Oi! I look fine, thank you very much! I married Queen Elizabeth the First, that doesn’t happen very often!”
The two alicorns and the pegasus just stopped and shared confused glances. “Who’s Queen Elizabeth the First?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, never mind…”
Luckily, when they arrived at the salon, there was a single mare still left at the place, probably to clean up. They were closed, of course, but there were royalty outside, knocking on the door, so you kind of have to let them in.
“Hey, Ms…” Celestia began.
“Barbara.” The mare replied, very nervously.
“Well, that is a strange name, if you do not mind us saying.” Luna replied. “We are going to need to be here for a while, so you are free to leave if you like.”
“Don’t worry, we won’t make too much of a mess.” Rainbow stated.
The Doctor put up a fight against the sisters, of course. The last Timelord in the universe, no one is gonna dye his hair. Unfortunately, the sisters had magic on their side. Once his mane was rainbow, they made their way back to the pub.
“Couldn’t you’ve just dyed my hair with your magic in the first place?” he asked, inspecting the red and yellow front of his mane with his hooves.
“Well, yes, but that wouldn’t have been very fun.” Replied Celestia, trying her hardest not to burst out laughing at the sight of the Doctor with a multi-color mane.
“Well, you could’ve at least dyed it ginger. Rainbow hair looks weird.”
“Hey! I heard that!” shouted Rainbow Dash from somewhere in the pub.
“Yes, but rainbow is funnier.” Explained Celestia with a smirk.
The Doctor just sighed.
“He’s mine!” screamed Rainbow Dash in frustration.
“No, we shall have him as ours!” Declared Luna, screaming at the top of her lungs. She hadn’t resorted to the Royal Canterlot Voice, at least not yet.
“No, he’s with me!” screamed Rainbow Dash.
“No, it is us who shall have him!”
“Y’know, Doctor, it’s been a very long time since we’ve seen you.” Explained Celestia, somewhere off to the side of the fight that was beginning to take place. “Don’t take anything that she says too seriously.”
“Yeah, it’s just…” replied the Doctor, “what if it’s true? That’d be hell. Martha all over again.”
“I win.” Stated the Doctor. “Last man standing.”
Rainbow Dash was the first to pass out. She was sprawled out on top of the counter, half a mug of cider spilled into her rainbow mane.
Luna was the next to go, and she passed out on top of the Doctor’s and Rainbows table, knocking over all of the mugs that were on it and spilling what might have remained in them.
Next was Celestia. Surprisingly, she was on top of the Doctor. “How did it end up like this? I’ve got Queens and Princesses all over the place, practically throwing themselves at me. When did that happen?” he asked himself, before losing consciousness.
Author's Note
Hi! Sorry, first fan fiction I've ever written, I know it's not the best but oh well. Don't be too harsh, I suppose.