Discord Becomes a Drag Queen
Discord becomes a Drag Queen
Discord felt the need on a Sunday morning in his living room.
"Eris!" he said to the wall. Another dracconeqqus sat besides him, very much his appearance, yet female.
"What stupid idea do you want to do this time?" she asked, reading the usual issue of Chaos with a glass of chocolate milk. She finished the glass and threw the chocolate away.
"That's the thing," Discord implied. "I have none."
"Since when did the spirit of chaos not have any ideas?" Eris asked. Looking up.
"Well, do you have any ideas, sister, also the living spirit of chaos?" he inquired.
"I dunno; maybe pranking Flutterbutt's rabbit again," she said.
"That usually would captivate me, but no, I'm not in the mood," he said sadly.
"Well, we could condensate Rainbow Butt's house for the third time," she offered.
"No. I have a feeling she's getting onto us," he said, looking his eyeballs in two different directions.
"What about Sparklebutt? Didn't she get wings or something?"
"Ugh, Princess Twilight is so last year," he groaned.
"You can do a John Delancey impression; that's always fun," she giggled.
"But I do that all the time! It's like I don't even try!" he shouted. He started pacing dramatically. "What should I do?"
"Well, you're taking none of my ideas so don't come whining to me!" she said as she pulled her eyes down to her magazine.
"I need to do something exciting. Something unique. Something I have never done in my 5067 years of living," he thought carefully. "That's it!"
"Oh no."
"I'll become a Drag Queen!"
"I really don't think drag queen needs italics or capitals but you won't even listen to me so I don't care," Eris muttered.
"What's that, sister? I didn't hear you over my intelligence!" he said, snapping his fingers. Just then, thousands of make up and hair supplies appeared out of mid air. He took the curler in his paw and lightly pressed down on his mohawk with it. He twisted the machine so the hair burned in place. He then proceeded to make the curler disappear. He then took hairspray and sprayed it down using one whole bottle. He then took the bright pink blush and drowned his face in it. He took a nice lush red lipstick and rubbed it against his lips. He then took a soft plush kleenex and put his lips onto it to rid of leftover lipstick. He took blue eyeshadows, Rarity's in particular, and put all of it on his eyelids. He then took a dark black eyeliner and traced the top and bottom of him eyelids and met them on the outside of the eyes in a cat eye. He then took mascara of the thick, lush variety and put five different containers on one eye alone, not counting the bottom eyelashes yet. After he disposed of his fifty so mascara containers. He then remember.
"I almost forgot the zit remover!" he screamed.
"You don't even have zits, Discord," Eris muttered softly.
He shrugged and passed that for now. He then moved onto hair bows and stuck many of them in his hair and at the tip of his tail. They were all pink with a red middle. Eris just rolled her eyes as Discord then pulled a dressing room into the living room.
"I must get changed!" he said. He then threw multiple outfits over it in a typical movie matter, such as a snorkel outfit, a wedding dress, a bikini, a batman suit, a teletubby suit, and finally, he walked out in a purple and black dress similar to Pinkie Pie's in that one buffalo episode, remember that one? Yea, no one does. Except for APPPPPPLLLLLEEEELOOOOOOOSSAA! That's an exception, of course.
"Out of all the crazy things I have seen you do, this is definitely the second weirdest thing. Nothing can really pass that time you took foal hooves to make a giant statue of King Triton," Eris shivered at the thought. Discord rolled his eyes.
"I don't know why you would call this weird," Discord said with a girlish tone. If you read it in a bad girly voice, get used to it. That's the voice he uses the rest of the story. "I find it truly useful in discovering you true self. It's great therapy for the mind and calms you. Being a drag queen, you can do anything because you're a different ponysona. I can murder somepony and get away with it."
"Eh, I don't know," Eris said. "And since when did you need therapy?"
"Hush, hush, child," Discord said, placing a single claw on Eris's lips, squishing them about. "Do not question thy drag queen."
"Stop it, you're creeping me out, Discord."
Discord gasped. "My name is not Discord, for that is a masculine name that portrays my masculine halve. I. AM. ERIS!" He flipped his head at the end.
Eris groaned. "You know that's my name, right?"
Author's Note
This was REALLY fun to write. Don't ask me where I got the idea, because I don't even know myself
Discord Becomes a Drag Queen
"Sister! We are called for duty!" Luna shouted as she knocked on Celestia's door. "And also for plot convenience because thy author couldn't fit 1000 words into thee original story!"
"Luna, we aren't in a story, now stop acting like Discord," Celestia said.
"Discord is actually thee problem, sister!" she exclaimed.
"Also, cut the old talk. We all know you're normal," her sister countered.
"Ok," Luna sighed. "But Discord has become a drag queen!" Celestia's eyes widened.
"He went there?"
"Yes."
"Who stopped him?"
"He hasn't been stopped."
"Fetch Princess Twilight and her friends to turn him to stone," she ordered.
Luna paused, "Or just threaten to take away his animal crackers so he can finally climb down the tree he's been singing Katy Perry in all day."
"That works too. Discord is a monster of pure evil."
