Obama Golfs In Equestria

by AkjACEKids

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 2123

When a boy squirrel and a girl squirrel love each other very much, Fluttershy decides to conduct a marriage for them on the most beautiful fields in Canterlot. But alas, President Obama had to golf there.

When a boy squirrel and a girl squirrel love each other very much, Fluttershy decides to conduct a marriage for them on the most beautiful fields in Canterlot. But alas, President Obama decided that he wanted to golf in another plane of existence, so he uses executive action to build a portal to Equestria so he could golf there and ruin a poor squirrel's wedding. Fluttershy is not gonna take it! She and her friends (including Twisted Sister) fight back!

Yes it's a political satire/MLP trollfic. Don't'get too offended, it's supposed to be an over-exaggerated joke.

Tell me if you get the Adventure Time or Full House reference.

:yay: Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy! That's the most likes I've ever gotten! Thanks everypony! (and I just found out it's slightly more popular than one of ROBCackeran53's lesser known stories. He's got more likes, but it's the same amount of votes, and this here story has more views and comments. I guess that's an accomplishment) :derpytongue2:

(I am not considering this my first story of 2015, since I wrote it mainly in 2014.)

So basically, our heroes win this battle with a combination of how the Guardians of the Galaxy won their battle (it was literally the power of friendship, which MLP had already done years before) and how Spongebob defeated Plankton in the Spongebob movie (the power of Rock and Roll, using a Twisted Sister song, although Spongebob's lyrics were altered)

Published 2015-01-02 04:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-02 04:40:05 UTC

Executive Action Doesn't Apply In Equestria!

Pen, check. Phone, check. Golden golf clubs paid for by US taxpayer money, check. Golf cart with diamond studded wheels, also paid for by US tax dollars, check. Portal to another universe, not quite yet.

Obama was almost ready for his inter-dimensional golf excursion, but he still didn't have the portal. He tried to persuade the newly elected Republican congress to approve of it, but since Republicans don't waste money like Obama, they said no every time (and actually read the bill before passing it, unlike the former Democrat congress).

Sitting of his throne of lies (which is what Biden named his office chair after the new Republican congress vandalized it by writing "If you like your doctor, you can keep it" all over it), Obama decided to use his secret weapon, executive action. Using his pen and his phone, he completely ignored the Constitution by ordering a portal to another universe to be built.

After America's dictator issued his decree, he had to take a dump and used a copy of the Constitution as toilet paper. He couldn't use the real one since he destroyed it the week before when he tried to smoke it, since he though it was written on hemp paper, when in reality, only some of the first drafts of the Constitution were written on hemp paper, not the real thing. Regardless, the original Constitution, written by the founding fathers of this nation, was destroyed in a disgraceful, and rather stupid manner.

In fact, when he did it, he set part of his wife's garden (you know, the one with the website that cost millions of taxpayer dollars that could've been spent on fighting Ebola, feeding the hungry, fighting AIDS, etc) on fire. The Secret Service was too busy to do anything about it since they were too busy being worthless while paying poker with taxpayer money. Joe Biden was there too, and he tried to put it out with the drink he was holding. Too bad he didn't notice that the drink was vodka that he stole from Putin's office at the last Russian summit. Obama tried to put it out with executive action, but executive action doesn't give you the powers of God, so his pen and phone didn't work in putting out the fire. Luckily, he had a full bladder, so urinating on the fir put it out. But of course, when the media asked about the fire, he denied everything. Even the fact that there was a fire in the first place.

Within a few weeks, the fruit of the 2015 PGAUH1-18H Act (which is what the liberal media called it to cover up the fact that its real name was "The 2015 Portal for Golfing in Another Universe for a Hole in 1-in 18 Holes Act) came to be. The Obama family, Joe Biden, and some useless Secret Service guys traveled all the way to a Government facility near the southern border in New Mexico. When they got there, the not-so-secret Government facility was getting its AC replaced for the 17th time that year, so they had to wait outside. In the time they were waiting, Barack came up with the idea of going out and helping people. And by helping people he meant sitting in the golf cart while he supervised the rest of the gang helping illegal Mexican immigrants cross the border. Illegally. With the President's approval. Quite frankly, the immigrants weren't making such a great decision, since they were crossing from a Federal Republic that respects its constitution into a country that could easily use a pen and a phone to turn itself into a monarchy or dictatorship that uses its constitution as toilet paper.

2 hours later, the AC was fixed and the gang was allowed in. After driving the golf cart down a ridiculously long hallway where every room only held a left-handed baseball catcher's glove, they arrived at the portal. It was just the right size for a golf cart and a few extra people.

"Do you have any idea where this is going?" Barack asked.

"Nope. We sent in our drone to drill the 18 holes you requested for your golf course, but we did not find any unusual creatures." The portal scientist replied.

"Did you just say 'nope'" Obama said

"Yes, sir."

"Chris, Colton," Obama said to the secret service officers, "execute this man right now for not properly respecting America's Supreme Leader."

"Yes, sir!" The Secret Service guys responded. They shot the scientist and followed the President/Dictator/Supreme Leader into the portal.

*****************

Sir Cutiepants the Squirrel had fallen in love with the beautiful Lady Cutiepie of Squirrel. Their wedding was set to be directed by the Element of Kindness herself, Fluttershy.

Any woodland creature was invited, along with all of Fluttershy's friends, Celestia, Luna, and any background pony that wished to see true squirrel love be verified in holy macaroni (as Spike kept mispronouncing it).

When Fluttershy was setting up for the wedding, she saw a weird robot thingy drilling holes in the ground, but she didn't mind since it wasn't close to where the wedding would be.

The guests were arriving, the bride was preparing, and the groom was very nervous. He had actually considered going skydiving with his best squirrel as a "one last adventure as a free squirrel" sort of thing, but then he remembered a TV show he saw where someone did that and ended up trapped in tomato country.

The crowd was ready. The groom was waiting anxiously with Fluttershy at the altar. Fluttershy began to orchestrate the birds in whistling "Here Comes The Bride" (or the Bridal Chorus or Wedding March or whatever it's called). They had barely started when a fiery portal opened and the Obama family, along with Joe Biden and some dudes from the not-so-secret service.

The crowd gasped. Celestia grew angry and growled "Obama!"

"Yes!" Barack said, "It is I, the Führer of the United States, BARACK OBAMA!"

"Princess Celestia, what's happening!?" Fluttershy said as the squirrels took cover together. Thunder and lightning came from the portal, dimming the skies with the dark cloud of liberalism. The ground shook as Obama stood on top of his unholy golf cart with an evil smirk on his face.

"This is the evil Barack Obama!" Celestia said, "He wields the power of executive action! I have never seen it in use, but it has been foretold that it gives him godlike power!"

"WHISTLE "HAIL TO THE CHIEF"YOU STUPID BIRDS!" Obama said, "OR I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY EXECUTIVE ACTION!"

The birds obeyed Obama's command, fearing what Obama might do with his pen and phone.

"Celestia," Twilight said, "what can we do!?"

"I don't know if the Elements of Harmony are powerful enough on their own to stop executive action!"

Suddenly, a stampede of Republican congressman came from the portal, heading towards Obama with the arms they have the right to bear. The minority Democrats of the congress followed them, but since they were against guns and didn't carry them, they were quickly shot down by the Republicans. However, before the Republicans could get to Obama, he used executive action to ban their guns and fire them, making them disappear.

The ponies were helpless.

"Now, peasants," Obama said, "leave these fields so I can golf!"

"Never!" Celestia said, "Executive action is no match for the power of friendship!"

"But Celestia," Twilight said, "you just said that we can't beat him with just the Elements of Harmony."

"I know Twilight. I'm just trying to buy us some time!"

******************************

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Eddie Ojeda shouted as Twisted Sister's van went out of control on a backroad in New Mexico.

"No, look!" Dee Snider responded, pointing at what appeared to be a secret government facility with an open garage door. The tour van went right through the door into the long hallway, still driving out of control. The Twisted Sister gang didn't know if they'd survive or wreck. Suddenly, they saw that their van was on an uncontrollable course into a magical inter-universe portal. The van went straight into the portal and exploded upon contact with the ground of the alternate universe. But of course, the instruments and band themselves were unscathed.

******************************

Suddenly, something came out of the portal and exploded upon contact with the ground.

"What was that!?" Twilight said.

"It doesn't matter!" Celestia replied, "We need to think of a way to stop this menace and his executive action!"

"Hahaha!" Obama said, "You think you can stop my executive action? I am the god of America! My executive action is more powerful than anything! I can destroy this whole world with just a pen and a phone! Now get your stupid squirrel wedding stuff out of the way so I can golf for the millionth time!"

"No." Fluttershy said angrily.

"What did you just say to me?" Obama said, "I'll have you know that I am a god! One does not disobey a god who wishes to golf!"

"These squirrels have been planning this wedding for months," Flutters uttered furiously, "and we are NOT gonna take it!"

Suddenly, the flame of the explosion from the strange object from the portal went away, revealing an 80's hair-metal band (Twisted Sister to be exact) all set up to play.

"DID SOMEBODY SAY WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IIIIIITTTT!?!?!?!?" Dee Snider screamed into the mic. The drummer counted them off and the song began.

"We've got the right to chose and there ain't no way we'll lose it! This is our life! This is our song!"

"ENOUGH!" Obama screamed. Twisted Sister did not stop playing their anthem of rebellion. "YOU'VE CROSSED THE LINE!"

Obama pulled out his pen and phone and used executive action to make Twisted Sister, the squirrel wedding, and our heroes, the Mane 6, disappear. But nothing happened!

"WHAT!?" Obama screamed, "WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING!?!?!?!?"

"That's just it!" Celestia said to Twilight, "We're not in his realm of America, so we're not affected!"

"So we can defeat him!" Twilight replied.

"YES!" Celestia said, "With the Elements of Harmony!"

"And the power of Rock and Roll!" Twilight replied.

Rainbow Dash quickly flew away to get the Elements. At the time she got back, the song was beginning its guitar solo. Our heroes donned their respective Elements, and their powers united, making them levitate and have glowing white eyes and what not, all durring an epic guitar solo.

The power of the Elements shot a beam of light at Obama, and at the same time, lightning bolts were shot at Obama from the instruments of Twisted Sister. Obama and his crew exploded and disintegrated, never to be seen again.

Later that day after the mess was cleaned up, the squirrels restarted their wedding. This time, Twisted Sister performed "Here Comes The Bride" along with the birds, and this time, no evil overlord made them play something else. Fluttershy declared them squirrel and wife. The love was celebrated at the reception, while Twisted Sister vandalized the squirrels' acorn carriage thing (as per wedding custom).

At the end of the reception, Twisted Sister performed "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" (which is actually an REO Speedwagon song). Everypony there held their lighters in the air, swaying them gently with the beat of the song. The squirrel couple had their first dance as a married couple and left in their acorn carriage thing.

"Well," Fluttershy said, "there they go." She cried a little. "They grow up so fast."

As Rarity and Fluttershy sobbed tears of joy together, Twilight grabbed her journal and wrote

"Today an evil tyrant from another plane of existence arrived in Equestria and used dark magic called "executive action" to make evil things happen. But little did he know that there are greater powers in Equestria that are far greater than his executive action. This evil tyrant was defeated by what really matters in life. The power of love, the power of friendship, and the power of Rock and Roll.

Author's Note

Yes it's a political satire/pony trollfic against Obama. Don't take it too seriously. It's supposed to be a joke.

Anybody get the Adventure Time reference? Or the Full House reference?
Here they are if you REALLY want to know: Adventure Time: The excessively long hallway had many rooms with only left-handed catcher's mitts. This is a reference to the Earl of Lemongrab's castle, which had multiple rooms with just left-handed catcher's mitts. It was never explained why.
Full House: On the day of Jesse's wedding, he decided to make Joey take him skydiving on his wedding day. It went bad and he got stuck in tomato country.