It's cold. I'm hungry, tired, scared, and most of all, cold. I've never been so far out of my comfort zone before, and I was tired of thinking that I never would. It was time to step up to the plate. It was time to take my life for myself and get somewhere on my own for once. At once, I wanted to run so far away that nopony could ever find me again, but at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to cling to the life I once knew. Now, I'm standing out in the cold, surrounded by far too familiar scenery, waiting for somepony to notice, and for my time to take action. I take in my surroundings, appreciating every detail, including the temperature, smell, and where possible, tactile feel as if it were my very last moment to enjoy it.
Soon, the Apples would wake up and start breakfast. They would go about their usual morning routine as they had every other time I had an overnight visit. Granny Smith would wake up before dawn, silently and mysteriously appear in her rocker, and begin her morning nap. Applejack would be next. She would wake up at the crack of dawn, just before the rooster, if only just to hear the entirety of the short wake-up call, or gloat that she had been awake and working all day from dawn 'til dusk, as if it were a bargaining chip for more breaks throughout the day. She would go about her morning by tying her mane and tail back and donning her signature hat before leaving her room just as quietly as her granny to start the morning coffee and prepare breakfast.
Big Macintosh and Applebloom would be stirred by the rooster's call just moments after the coffee began brewing, and race each other to the bathroom in their own half-asleep ways. Neither were morning ponies, so both needed some water to the face to fully arouse them for the day's chores. Big Macintosh would lose more often than not, and after doing so would plod into the kitchen to be greeted by the older of his two little sisters. The two would finish preparing breakfast together and enjoy a short chat over coffee while sharing the local newspaper. After Applebloom and Big Macintosh traded shifts in the bathroom, Granny Smith would wake from her morning nap to enjoy the usual oats and orange juice. As she got further in her years, she found the affinity for apple products to be a mundane outlook on life, and was happy to partake in beverages made from other fruits. Like Big Macintosh, she much preferred making the cider to actually drinking it.
When everypony would sit be together finally, Applebloom would likely be the first to notice my absence and go to wake me. Upon discovering I weren't in the guest room anymore, she would surely tell the family, who would immediately assume I had gone for a walk in the orchard. They all knew how much I loved to see the sunrise, even though I loved sleeping through it equally as much. After breakfast, they would take notice of the fact that I still hadn't made an appearance, and would immediately search the orchards and fields. When they can't find me, they might skip their chores to search further, or perhaps ask Twilight if we met up early. It may take all morning for them to finally realize what I had done, and then they would comb the town in search.
With each landmark I pass, I feel a little more sick about the decision I've made. Through my actions, I would break the hearts of everyone close to me in exchange for a chance at the one that truly matters. She probably won't accept me anyway, but I'm burning to try. The fire in my heart will prove to her just how serious I am, and I don't want to take no for an answer. It's time for Rarity to realize that I can't be away from her for any longer. It's just not a life worth living without the love of my life in it.
I stand in front of a frozen pond, taking in the immaculate surface reflecting Luna's full moon flawlessly. The thin black sheet of ice was absolutely breathtaking in the moonlight, and the trees crystallized in ice on the bank were a true work of art. Canterlot had scenery like this, but not in such abundance, and never so peaceful and untouched. There were no hoofprints or footprints save my own, and the freshly falling snow would cover even those tracks by the time anypony would think to follow them. Canterlot's weather was nothing like Ponyville's, and I'm sick of living there like I used to. The ponies are rude and snooty, and around the castle, it's all business and politics. There's nothing for me there, and I don't see why we can't visit our home in Ponyville more often than we do. I don't want to go back to that place, and I don't really care what it takes to get my message across. If I were clever, I could leave signs around town showing just how much better this place is for us. Sadly, for now I have to settle with just enjoying what I can before I have to hide from it all.
It's so quiet in this town at night. Not a single business is open, and not one light is on. In Canterlot, it's the opposite. Nearly every club and bar on the street stays open around the clock, and the lights are enough to make only the brightest of Luna's stars visible. Here I see beautiful nebulae and nearby galaxies. The constellations practically draw themselves before my eyes and shooting stars fly by in an intricately choreographed shower. I stare in awe at the celestial expanse while I wander more about the town. Most ponies don't take notice, but Luna's sky is much more brilliant and colorful than Celestia's had be before. Yet only very few places could see the night sky, and this was one of them. I stood atop the hill where Scootaloo and the other young pegasi would practice flying and gliding, and I continued to regard the cosmos. Some shooting stars rushed past others at higher speeds, burning up in the atmosphere and showing off many bright colors. It was a sight I had never had the privilege of seeing before we moved to Ponyville for two reasons.
For one, Ponyville was much darker than Canterlot. The night sky on our first day here didn't look much different than it did now. Celestia later admitted that before the longest day, she enjoyed silently honoring her sister by staying up all night with the townsponies, all the while keeping her magic pointed at the sky to paint beautiful skyscapes like her sister used to one thousand years ago. She did the same thing on the longest night, when all the ponies were huddled together in their homes and too busy keeping warm and spending time with their families to notice the sky. It was one of the reasons she requested the clear skies on those holidays. After the girls rescued Luna from Nightmare, the skies lit up every night and displayed eye-catching meteor showers to distract from all of the scary things that go bump in the night. Luna was no doubt looking upon the dreams of the sleeping ponies and noticing that I wasn't asleep. She had gotten to know me quite well over the past few weeks, visiting my troubled dreams to discover that I was unhappy in Canterlot. If anypony knew of my plans, it would be her, but she didn't seem to show interest in stopping me.
The sun begins to peak over the horizon and Rainbow Dash would be waking up soon to take care of the weather. I have to find a hiding place before she comes outside and sees me, so I dive under a nearby willow tree. The old willow is kept company by several similar shrubs nearby, whose branches reach out and then fall limp, providing cover underneath. More than once, I've used these trees and bushes to get out of the rain quickly, but this time, I'm using them to get away from the ponies.
My plan is clear. I want Twilight to know that I don't want to live with her anymore. I'm going to make a life of my own, and she can't stop me. I've tried before, only to be shot down by her silly rules and reasoning, but this time is different. My footprints quickly become covered in snow, and I lie down on my front while keeping an eye out for anypony who comes near. I don't know how long I have to wait, but I know I picked the perfect time. Twilight couldn't easily teleport to Canterlot, and her train was leaving today. She hated missing a deadline, and so she would no doubt already be packed and ready for the return trip. Applejack was supposed to walk me to the station today, but plans would change. Twilight would be forced to go home to Canterlot without me. From there, I would be free to start my own life.
But where will I stay? What will I do for food and money?
I suppose I could impose myself on the Apples, but that would be rude. And I couldn't just move in with Rarity, could I? I mean, if I showed to her that I was serious about her, would she take me in? Would she even consider listening to me after I betray Twilight's and the Apples' trust? Things are beginning to look bleak for me, but my resolve is firmer than ever. I can't cave. Not now. Not after everything I've had to go through, and certainly not until I say what I need to say to Rarity.
I start to cry, thinking of all the things that could go wrong, and all the things that are just plain wrong with my plan. I can't take the pressure, but I can't bring myself to back down either. Rarity is everything to me, and I don't want to be without her ever again. I just can't be.
I unknowingly fall asleep while still crying, and wake up to humming and cooing from a familiar voice. I don't want to look up to confirm my suspicion. I don't want to believe it's happening, so I don't. I fight the delusion and brush it off like it doesn't exist. The delusion doesn't take kindly to that and flicks me with her finely curled tail. She then wraps a hoof over my back and pulls me closer to her. I'm still crying, so I don't want her to see my face, and the wetness around me could have come from the snow, so she still won't know unless I look at her. My heaving gives me away though, and I let out a shudder in defeat. I try to speak through shaky breath, but she hushes me and rubs my back.
“It's cold out here, darling. You should be wearing a scarf.”
“I...” *sniff* “know.”
“shh shh shh.... Calm down, you're okay now. I've got you.”
I wipe as many tears away as I can and look up. I feel completely exhausted from stressing myself through the night and apparently bawling through the morning. I only want one thing in the world more than sleep right now, and that's for this delusion to be real. “Rarity...”
“Yes, Spike, it's me. I'm here for you.”
I hug her as tightly as I can, but it still doesn't seem like enough. I hold her close for as long as I possibly can without letting go. I never want the moment to end, but I know deep down that it just has to. She hugs me back, but I'm powerless when she breaks away. “I know why you ran away, dear,” she spoke evenly.
“...”
“Don't tell me after all this, that you don't have anything to say for yourself. I know why you did it, but I want to hear you say it. You can't live your life with this thing on your chest, and this just proves it.”
“Rarity, I...” I paused.
“Rarity, I what?” she pressed.
“I don't want to say it. I know you don't feel the same way.”
“Whether or not a lady shares feelings for someone does not matter. If you carry this burden around forever, it's going to run your life. You're my friend, Spike, and I won't let this ruin you.”
“That's all we'll ever be, isn't it?”
“Spike, don't make me upset. You've already got half of Ponyville riled up, but I'm still on your side. Now out with it.”
“Rarity,” I start slowly, “I love you.” I look her straight in the eye and said it once more. “I love you, Rarity. I've never loved anypony more than I love you and I ran away so I could be with you. I probably just ruined any chance I may have had to be with you, but if I didn't risk it and find out now, I may never have, and I would have lost the opportunity altogether. I'm sorry, Rarity... I couldn't let this go any longer.” Fresh tears fall from my eyes, but my voice doesn't break, and I remain firm. I said what needed to be said, and I don't regret a single word.
“I know,” Rarity started, “I've known for a long time how you've felt about me, and you're right. You're right about everything, Spike. There's a good chance you've utterly obliterated any chance you had for me to love you back, and yet you stood firm for what you knew would be better for the both of us in the long run. You did something dangerous and immature, and I would be a fool to reward such behavior, but,” she hesitated, letting the statement sink in, “you stood up and took a chance for what you loved. I respect that. So tell me, darling, now that you've said what you needed to say, what are you going to do?”
“...”
“hm?”
“I don't... know.”
“I didn't think so. Look, Spike. I'm not going to take back what I said before. I would be a fool to reward such foalish behavior, even if you did it out of love. But you stayed here and you stood firm, and you said what you needed to say. You did what you needed to do. You're more grown up now for doing so, but at what price? I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you, sweetheart. Twilight is absolutely furious about your actions, but she still doesn't know where you are. Nopony knows about this except you and me. When I leave here, I could easily just tell everypony that I couldn't find you, and you could easily run off and hide somewhere else. I can't promise you anything after that, if that's what you choose.
“However, if you choose to put an end to this snipe hunt on which you've forced us, I may be forgiving. The choice is yours.”
Author's Note
This is officially my worst rated story so far, but I've waited too long and haven't worked on it, so I decided to just leave it as-is. If I get the initiative to redo this, I'll probably just make another blog post on it. Sorry if this randomly appeared in your update feed.
