Chapter 3

Bar Tabs

So in less than an hour in Equestria, I’ve managed to crash through a windshield, get a Discord grin, knock the piss out of someone- or somepony now. Might have to change some of my vocabulary-, and still be as cool as ever. Ok, that last bit might not be accurate. After apologizing for eating for most of the silverware and food, Captain Kirk offered me a job as a part of the crew.
“I’ll think about it.” I told him as I headed for the exit on the top deck.
“It’s an open offer.” He says as he walks off in the opposite direction.

We land in Stalliongrad and as I leave the ship, Kirk is standing next to the bulkhead with an ornate wood box set on his back. In the box are two matte black Desert Eagles with gold pin-striping down the barrels. “I figured you could use these more than I ever could.” He said with a smirk that looked like one when you give children paint, but don’t set the rules on where they can paint.
“You are sooo awesome!” I nearly squee'd at the sight of them.
Seymour then showed up with two bandoliers. “I have what you requested for, sir.”
“Alright, give them to Ripper.” Kirk told him.
After I crossed the bandoliers over my hips and tested how well they did in a quick draw situation. Kirk hands me a small cloth bag full of jingly objects, “I figured you would need this. It should cover the toll to enter into town and for you to get something to eat.”
“Thanks Captain for this and the guns” I saluted him as I left.

+++++++++++
After the toll takes ten of my sixty bits, I asked around for directions to a respectable bar. Three ponies just glared at me like I was some backwoods bumpkin! Many shot slurs as I passed them, and I thought the deep-south was bad. I wandered a bit more repeating my question when a mahogany furred cat with half an ear approached me and said to follow him. Half an hour later we arrived at a building straight out of a western movie. A green pony at the front desk greets us with a genuine smile. “Welcome to the Hall. Would you like a floor seat or a balcony?”

“Balcony seat, please.”

“OK. Jack will take you to your seat, and a waiter will be with you shortly.” As she said that Jack motioned me towards the stairway. We reach the third floor and he seats me at a table for four. He pulls out a notepad “I’m Jack Khajit and I will be your server.”
It was hard for me not to break my calm, collected exterior appearance. “Hi Jack, I’ll have a hard apple cider and a steak- medium rare please. And is there a rule on damaged utensils?”

“With a big enough tip, there are loopholes anywhere.” With that he walked over to a silver panel in the wall and sent my order off.

The place must've been somewhat busy, because it was about fifteen minutes later that Jack came back with my order. He sets the plate down and I just about explode with the sight before me; a half -pound prime cut steak with the best tasting marinade I’ve had, a fully loaded baked potato the size of a brick, and corn (why the corn! Thought I could escape that by leaving Washington!!). I’m not a drinker per say, I’ve tried a few labels before- my favorite being Shock Top Hard Apple Cider- but the cider Jack brought was better and harder, defiantly hand, or better said hoof, crafted. “Here is your order, and if you need anything else I’ll be a couple booths down.”

Deciding to break many rules of the multiverse I asked one of the most famous internet questions “Say, Jack, do you like mmmbananas?”

“Why would you care what fruit I like?”

For the love of LucasArts! “Do. You. Like. Mmmbananas. Bioch?”

“Only on the moooooon!!” He flutter-yells with a grin.

“So how did you get sent here?” I ask while enjoying my meal.

“A crazy lady hit me across the head with an umbrella. You?”

“Heh, I bought video games from Discord, bought us both Subway, and then he hit me a Gravity Hammer.” After I finish the steak and potato without damaging any of the silverware, alcohol does its thing and I feel a burp on its way up. “Heads up Jack, I feel a Fus Ro Dah burp coming!” Before he can move I belch a two foot flame while yelling ‘Mango’, setting the table and surrounding area on fire. Jacks face goes from shock of what I did to anger as the whole bar stared at me and the now aflame balcony. Seeing the trouble I’m in, I hop the balcony, land into a roll and marathon run out of the Hall and towards the Dockyard.

I glance back to see Mango, The Halls' Security and two dozen Royal Guards after me. With new gusto I search for Kirk’s ship. The only way I found it was because of a group of unicorns was wiping off the new windshield on the bridge. I spotted Seymour about to close the exit hatch, “Wait Seymour, I’m hopping on!”

“What’s the rush Ripper? You had another five minutes until final boarding.”

“Only half the town, 24 Guards, and the Boogie Man” Sarcasm, I love it.

Ignoring me he asks “So, I guess this means that you’re joining the Crew?”

Hearing the Guard shouting to find me, “If we get the hell outta here, then yes”

“Ok, I’ll go tell the Captain” he said as he headed off. Turning to close the hatch, I see the mob that chased me.

Time for a one liner! “This is the day you almost caught Ripper the Drakegator!”

Author's Note

Legal notes: I don’t own Jack ‘Mango’ Khajiit, Captain Kirk, or Jack Sparrows rum storage key. If you spot any errors in this point them out to me, I will gladly take any help I can get, and I believe this story needs art and I cannot draw characters, just abstract shapes. Thanks for reading Chiiiildren!