Shining Armor sat nervously on his bed as he looked at the calendar he had come to loathe. It marked a significant time for him. Not only was it the first of May, it was also the first day of his last few as a standard everyday colt. He loathed the on coming month and now that it was there, he was nothing but scared. Anxiety killed many before him and he knew that if he did not take this chance to do it, he would likely fall as his brethren before him.
So with quill and paper in magical grasp, he began to write. My family,
He started with two words that became such a heavy set of syllables for him. However, he stopped. He couldn't find out what it was he wanted to say to them. Was it truly that unbearable to tell his family of his looming anxiety and never-ending nervousness? Was it hard for him to tell the three most important ponies in his life that he is scared and isn't so sure of whether he want's to go through with this or not?
'No!' he thought to himself. 'I must be strong in the face of fear. I have to be'.
But he knew that in the end, no matter how hard he tried, he would always be afraid. Not afraid of what was going to happen to him, but what was going to happen to his family. Not to boast, but he knew that without him around, his family would surely begin to crumble from inside to out. His mother always needed his help when it came to solving a problem that required intellectual thought. His sister had never been that much of a social pony. And his father... what would happen to his father were he to strain himself on the job again. Shining wouldn't be there to help any of them.
Sure, they had Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, who prefers to be called Cadence. But she was a princess;Even though she could help with some problems, such as foal-sitting Twilight when both parents went out or assisting the parents when they needed it, she was still a part of royalty. And as royalty she had her own duties to tend to before she could do anything else. Such is the life she was born into.
Looking back on the topic of Cadence, Shining found himself remembering that one time they had a chat those few months ago. It was when he was at his lowest and nopony else could help him with how he felt. He knew that it was wrong to feel this way about royalty as he is just another common colt, but he just had to take a chance. He went to Cadence before she left from taking Twilight home and they hit it off from there. But as they talked, becoming further engrossed in their conversation, Shining took a leap of faith and asked her what she thought of his situation.
“Cadence... What do I do?”
“Whatever do you mean Shining Armor?”
“What I mean is exactly what I just asked. What do I do?”
“I still don't think I understand completely”.
“I'm at a loss. My parents are always in need of help in some way or form, and my little sister can't socialize with anypony outside of our parents, me, and you. Yet with all that in mind, I still signed the paperwork to go and join The Canterlot Royal Guard. Am I foolish for doing so?”
“I dare say that you are no where close to foolish. What you are doing is a noble thing. Most colts your age don't even consider going to college, let alone finding a job”. She trotted over and nuzzled his neck “I think that you are brave and deserve respect from your peers for choosing to join the guard. Besides, I always did like a stallion in uniform” she blushed from her statement and he was just as red as she was.
“I guess I have a reason to go then. Or at least, another reason” they looked each other in the eyes and allowed their long unspoken passion to finally be screamed out through a simple kiss. They laid together never letting the other go until the Sun found it's way into the sky. They got up and exchanged a look of longing.
“You'll be fine Shining Armor. I just know you will”.
When the following afternoon arrived, Shining had returned home without Cadence by his side as she had her own duties to tend to. But he will always remember that kiss they had exchanged fondly.
Looking back on that also gave him a reason to think of his father. His father was well known for his philosophic skill and psychological talent as a stallion who can pry open the strongest of minds. To say that he didn't know of Shining Armor's problem since the very start would be a lie that would put a lie that came from the Element of Honesty to shame. Or rather, that's how he thought of it. Knowing what was going on in his family was what he did. He always did his job as head of the family. So with that in mind, he went off to find Shining who was later discovered to be sitting alone on a hill top.
“I know what you're thinking, and for you to not come to me with this problem is rather appalling”.
“Can you really blame me?” Shining laid his head on the grass looking at the far distance of the sun setting. “I want to be able to do my job when I'm in the guard Father. But this problem has been eating away at me since I signed up and waited to be deployed. I can't just leave thinking that something bad will happen while I'm away”.
Sitting by his son, Shining's Father began to speak “When you put it that way, I can't blame you at all. But at the same time I can” Shining's ears twitched upon hearing this but made no sudden movement after. “You know that we will be fine. It's not like the world will end while you are away. And if that were the case, you'd be on the front lines of that apocalypse fighting whatever it is trying to destroy us” he put a hoof on Shining's shoulder. “Besides, your mother and I are very much capable of handling ourselves. And if it's Twilight that you're truly worried about, you don't need to worry too much longer. We plan on sending her off to the Celestia's school”.
To say that Shining Armor jumped twenty feet in the air from sheer excitement from what he heard that day would be true. He was happy that day. But with all the talking he and his father did after the sudden comment, he remembered the three last words his father told him to never forget, no matter how far down his emotions fell.
“It shall pass”.
Remembering that after all this time set off a gear in his head that had made his brain kick into overdrive in ten seconds flat. He knew that with those two in his mother and sister's lives, everything would be okay. Even though the looming anxiety was there, he knew how he could finally let it all out, so he could enjoy the last few days as a colt, as he will begin his road to becoming a true stallion in less than a month. With renewed hope, he began to write the letter.
My family,
I know that it is not important to many how I feel, but I know that to you, it is a top priority to ensure that I remain happy and proud of who I am and what I am going to accomplish. To say I am proud is a bit of an understatement. I am more than that. And to say that I am going to accomplish so much is also an understatement.
It was not even a few minutes before I started to write this that I felt a looming anxiety hang over my head. I have come to terms with myself and I have decided that I will live with this fear. I will not let it become a weakness. I will let it become a strength instead. Because without fear, we can't choose what to do during a certain situation. And fear has also led to two of the greatest events that happened in my life.
I found my love in Cadence. I had found my renewed respect for my father. I have accepted that my mother and sister will be fine without me. The fear that I have felt since I signed those papers so many months ago is what helped me achieve this. And for that, I am grateful that I was afraid.
It's because of that fear that I learn the true meaning of courage. And not just courage to face any fear, but to face any obstacle in my way. Honor, Courage, Commitment. Those are the three main values of the guard, and I was going to leave my own home without the most important element of those three.
But thanks to Father and Cadence, I have the spirit to move forward even as I am scared of what will happen to my family while I am away. It will be tough, but I must stay committed to my mission. And I must honor the rule of Commitment and allow myself to continue to matter what.
I've repeated myself several times, but I feel that I let out all of my fear one way or another. I am proud of the things I have accomplished in the past, and I will be more proud of the things I accomplish in the future. Thank you, I love you all.
~Shining Armor
And suddenly, Shining Armor did not feel weak anymore. He felt strong and full of life, as if he could take on the world. And you know what? He could and did just that.
