Behind the eyes of a monsterby Kotatko von DrapekChaptersPrologueChapter one: ApplesChapter 2 - Back on the road againChapter 3 - Home Sweet HomeChapter 4 - Finding a little light in the darknessPrologueBehind the eyes of a Monster – Prologue Planet Helios Alpha Helios planetary system Far away from Earth 11:12 „All i see, turns to brown“ „As the sun burns the ground“ „And my eyes, fill with sand“ „As i scan, this Wastedland“ What Led Zeppelin were singing, happened to be true. Thousands of miles of endless desert. The planet seemed as a worthless chunk of sand and rock, but he did not have other choice. As a failed military experiment, that psychically changed him into a unstoppable killing machine. Cold, calculating. He did what he had to do. That ended anyways by being sent into space with things that he managed to pack. The „lightly“ armored old pickup truck rushed trough the desert. A ordinary day. One of the most common problems had to be fixed – broken water distribution. He took everything he needed for this four day long journey, a 4x4 vehicle capable of drivining offroads, because the station where the problems occured was in a deserted place that he visited rarely. „Entering sector X78, 46 kilometers to destination, ETA 30 minutes“ said the robotic voice from the onboard navigation. He stopped the vehicle, and opened the door. „Am i seeing what i am seeing?“ A black eagle landed on the weapon systems that had been installed in the rear. „Appolo, you stupid bird i thought that you’re dead!“ he yelled happily at the bird. „Dumb birds...“ he mumbled while climbing on the back of the truck. Then he opened a can of food, and placed it near the bird. „Eat, ill get you water when we get there“. He waited for the bird to feed, then he kicked the tin can into the sand. „Its hot this morning“. He was not lying, average temperature at this time is 63°C. At the highest – at 18:36, it was even reaching about 80°C. Ten minutes after, he drove from the tarmac onto a dirt road, hidden in shadow from one side because of a malfunctioning water pipe. After a while he had to stop. The path was blocked from one side by pipes, from the other side by sand and on the road were laying rocks. HE got out. „Fuck! Now i have to move this bullshit for the next two hours like a idiot.... Or not if i use a more „destructive“ way...“ He reached his pocket, and got out a brick of CSSemtex explosives. It was practically normal semtex, just refined and more concentrated. Before he planted the explosives, he made sure that everything is out of the way. The car was, same with things it had on the back. In a chest, there was his Multi-Purpose Assault Gear. It consisted of a full body armor, made out of indestructive material. Only a black hole or something like that could destroy it. The „helianium“ substance (how he called it) was found only on Helios, extremely hard to get. If you had the fortune to find its ore, you had to run it trough two month lasting refining procedure. With the armor, there were also weapons. Before he could plant the explosives, he saw what probably made the problem. It was some kind of a vortex, not completely dark. It was bending light in. The vortex was getting to him fast. He jumped into the car, and turned the key. The engine was trying to start, but still failing. „Not now dammit, not now!“ He yelled. Then the vortex took him. Entire world went black, then sending him unconsious. Then he woke up. The light did not blind him, he got too much practice from the light that the three suns surronding Helios emmited. He tried to get up, but when he got halfways his muscles failed him and he fell on the ground. Second try was succesful. He looked around. Trees. With apples. Apple trees. He looked around. Same utility boarding that he wore before. Gloves, high boots, shorts, and a t-shirt with a tactical vest filled with tools. And a sidearm. Then he saw a familiar chest. „heheheh... This’ll make this more interesting“. He opened it, and saw exactly what he expected. Armor, guns. He put the armor on first, then the helmet. While the armor systems were booting up, he put his cape on. Then the hoodie that came with the cape. It was long, ending just before the ground. It was made out of the same material the armor was from. Then he strapped the weapons to him. Four on the back, including the big sword and his gigantic 40mm anti-materiel rifle, his two powerful sidearms – the Hellraiser, a Smith and Wesson 500 magnum, and the SkullCrusher – a IMI Desert Eagle .50AE. Both guns were customly painted, and engraved with some motives. Then he saw something. A horse. Orange horse. No. A midget orange horse wearing a stenson hat, looking at him. It must have came before a while, he did not see it before. „I must be either dreaming, or on shrooms.“ Dont hate me, but it had to be done. After reading various fanfictions, i decided to make my own, with its own world and its own character. Its my first one so BE GENTLE. Comment please what i should make better, also i’ll make some fanfiction cover art this weekend, including chapter 2. I would GREATLY use someone who has skills in this, to review this and tell me what to enhance. Excuse me if i have grammatic errors, i sometimes have to edit something and i somethimes screw up at writing. Greetings, Kotatko von Drapek Find me on Steam – DJ Kl0basa 101, http://steamcommunity.com/id/kotatko If someone wants, ill put a link of the chapters in the original format - in .doc, because of sized text and things like that Chapter one: ApplesJust before you start: READ IT HERE. IT IS BETTER THERE. FONTS AND SHIT. Any questions? Find me on Steam! Profile info Chapter 1: Apples Ponyville, Equestria Twilight Sparkle‘s library 11:47 Twilight heard a loud knock on the door. „Im coming!“ She yelled from the loft, climbed down and opened the door. It was Rainbow Dash accompanied with Pinkie. „Oh hey Twilight, i think we have a little problem“. „What is it again? Is something wrong with Pinkie?“ „Im being twitchy all day! At first it was my tail, but then it stopped after Mrs.Cake got crushed with a door! OH it was so funny Mr.Cake and the shop and everyone was laughing and then hudah huddah huh, huhdaa mrmmmhn“ She got shut up with Rainbow’s hoof. Rainbow waited for Pinkie to stop talking. „Get to the point Pinkie.“ She said in a apparently annoyed tone. „My body got twitchy before a moment! My Pinkie sense is telling me that its at the Sweet Apple Acres, so then I thought ill get Rainbow, and Rainbow thought we should get you!“. „Are you telling me that Applejack may be in danger?“ The trio was running to Carousel Boutique. When they got there, Twilight and Rainbow stopped, but Pinkie bounced in. Rainbow didnt wait anymore, and Twilight followed soon after. „Rarity!“ Twilight yelled at her friend. „What is it, darling?“ Rarity responded. „IhaveadoozysomethingatfarmApplejackindangerwemusthurry mmmph hudda mmph hummh“ She got shut up again, by Twilight this time. „Is it true that Applejack is in danger? This is the worst. Possible. Thing.“ „Theres no time for drama here Rarity, we must hurry.“ Said Rainbow. „But im in the middle of a huge project!“ „Rarity!“ Twilight said. „How can you think of dresses when Applejack may be in danger?“ . Rarity grunted with the sound of annoyance. „Just give me a minute to get ready...“ Rarity said, but then Rainbow grabbed her hoof and sprinted out of the boutique accompanied with the other two. Applejack stared at the giant thing. It was about two meters tall, maybe even more. It wore a suit that looked like... she thought what it is, because it was covering its whole body. „An armor“ she thought for herself. Unlike the royal guards at Canterlot, this one was fully painted in black, and while the guards had the armor for mostly as just a decoration, this was apparently made for purely protective purposes. A hoodie was over its head, covering half of its face in shadows. Only two blue lights were visible. On the lower part of the head, it had something that looked like a can. One light was slightly shining orange, and two lights, one green, one red were blicking at a slow pace. A speed of breath. Its back was covered by a cape connected to the hoodie, with 4 different metallic sticks being held on its back. One stick had a thing on it, that you would get if you split a pair of binoculars in half and made the half two times larger. Other one had a smaller version of it on, and some parts were made out of wood that had something carved into it. Then the giant spotted Applejack. It looked at AJ motionlessly, lights on, still blicking. Applejack got scared. They looked at each other for a moment, AJ shaking, thing still motionless. The tiny orange model of a horse with a hat looked at him. „This is just your mind, a hallucination. Just continiue doing what you were doing before.“ He reminded himself. „Its still a fucking weird hallucination afterall“ He turned away from it, and looked at his PDA. It was made out of various parts. Touchscreen and GPS were from his old android phone. Buttons, and the sliding keypad were from some other smartphone. The antenna was from a wifi router, modded to be sliding in and out. The machine was powered by a proccesor from a server, the harddrive out of some MP3 player, he also used the sound processor from it to use the PDA as a way to make long travels more enjoyable with music. The graphics card was a resized and rewired model of a nVidia GTX 580, that he didnt need anymore. RAM was from some laptop. The PDA was a very useful tool for survival. He could navigate himself with it, by GPS or if there was not any signal, a compass. It was connected to his body by neurotransmitters, so the PDA could monitor the medical state of him, injecting battle drugs when needed. He pressed a button, and the display was on. Then he slid the miniature keyboard out, and turned the machine on. > Helios PDA OS v.634,2 > Press ENTER to boot > Booting... > exec C:\hos\system.exe > Please wait... 100% > System succesfully booted. > Estabilish sattelite connection? Y/N > Y > connect 85.71.45.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.41.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.46.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.42.100 > Sattelites not found > Unable to connect > Try connection to ground antennas? Y/N > Y > scan range max > Scanning.. > Please wait > No connection found > run C:\hos\graph > Starting graphical OS > Please wait... 100% „Weird shit... That orange horse... Apples... I dont have apples on Helios. Only desert. And no horses.“ It was too late. Applejack was looking at the unknown object, the object looking at a end of its limb, doing something. „Leave her alone you robot thing!“ Rainbow screamed and flew at a insane speed towards it. Just a second before impact it went invisible and Rainbow crashed into the ground. Twight could hear muffled laughter behind her. She turned around, but didnt see anything. „What in tarnation is that racket“ Applejack said finnaly. „Those things can talk? The fuck!?“ He thought for himself while goind out of invisibility mode of his suit. Five pairs of eyes were looking at him. He brought a notepad and a ball pen out of his satchel. 31.6, year 3267, 11:51 eastern Helios time. First encounter. I thought that i am hallucinating, but a scan of my surroundings showed me that i am not. Four minutes after three more subjects showed up, one with same appereance as the orange one, but pink. Then there were two beings that i guess were in mythology described as „unicorns“ and a cyan col „Excuse me?“ the purple unicorn said, bringing him back to reality. „What or... who are you?“ it asked again. He stared at it for a moment, then going back to writing. colored horse that i think is a pegasus. Guessing by voice, i think that the purple, orange and the rainbow ones are female, and because of similiar appereance of the pink and marshmallow one i guess that are female too. Those things seem sapient, i already know that the winged midget horses can fly, and the „normal“ ones dont have any special ability. What still makes me wonder is, how special the unicorns are. It seems that i have the technological advantage of them, this place looks like earth’s first years of 20th century. Today’s to-do list: Find out what unicorns do □ Find my ride :( □ (optimal) Sneak around scouting the world of these things □ Overall to-do list: Get as much things and resources as possible. □ Get the fuck out of here! □ When he finished writing all the five horses were looking at him. Suddenly the pink one burst out making him unholster his shotgun from his hip. While the pink horse was talking some gibberish from whom he only understood words „Pinkie“, „friends“ and „party“, he checked the shotgun‘s five round revolver like magazine. It was a shortened version of the famous SPAS-12 shotgun, being stripped of stock and using a revolver like drum for dispensing ammo. „Pinkie.“ the party pony was still talking. „Pinkie.“ Still didnt stop. „PINKIE!“ Twilight yelled at her. „Yes, Twi?“ said Pinkie with a smile. Rainbow dash interrupted „Pinkie i dont think you should be doing it with this unknown object“ Rarity said. „Why?“ „Because the stick that its pointing at you has ‘MEAT SHREDDER‘ engraved in it.“ Twilight replied. Like if the giant understood what they are talking about, it pointed the stick at a nearby tree and demonstrated its function. A incredibly loud thunder rocked trough the sky as tiny shreads of a apple trees were flying around. It was loud enough to temporarily deaf the five ponies. „Leave mah apple trees be ya evil racket!“ yelled AJ and bucked the armored thing with full force. Its effect was entirely opposite. Instead of the thing, AJ fell to the ground with a thud. „It felt like ah‘v bucked a brick wall...“ Note to self: Rednecks are still retarded. My first attempt to writing, i know that i suck. Troll comments will get deleted.Ill post the third chapter later, now i want to play minecraft :3 Rate it in comments, i really need to know what to improve. Chapter 2 - Back on the road againOkay, ill say it again. Read it here. Chapter 2: Back on the road again Okay, this made me laugh. Im currently on a train, because two minutes after that some purple talking lizard joined in and said that some princess is calling ALL of those guys to her place. Looks like my old hilux dropped from above trough the roof into her private bedrooms... Then they had to get another one „pony“ (thats how they call them... i’m now constantly calling myself „idiot“, hou could i have not thought of that name before) – Fluttershy her name is, and she gets to her name. Right on the train station, she got extremely scared by my plasma grenade (that somehow fell out of its holster), and went hiding into a nearby bush. Also, i thought of giving these pones a lesson – not to fuck with the almighty General Cum Dumpster. Interesting that i still remember my nickname my squad gave me in the past. How were the others? Oh now i know – Hitler, Bastard, Asshole, President Asshole and the most common – Cum Dumpster. Dammit, i have to stop getting off topic so much. Anyways, one goal complete. Find out what unicorns do: ■ Looks like the bastards do magic. No, im not kidding. Magic. Like wizards. Or mages... I had saw some that i consider basic magic now – levitation of small objects. Something tells me that there is more... The marshmallow pony that constantly is bitching about everything (found out shes called Rarity) talked about some capitol big city, got to rob a pharmacy there to get something to stop the blleding from my eye (the dumb neuro-transmitters are colliding with my head) „Princess Celestia! We came as fast as we could!“ said Twilight. Behind Celestia, there was something in her private chambers obstructed by pieces of roof. „What is... this?“ said Twilight again. Instead of the Princess answering, loud noise of machinery echoed trough the castle accompanied after a short while with music. „I rode a tank, held a generals rank when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank“ then it started moving, blasting trough the wall. Then it stopped near the ponies, the music went silent and the dark window slided down. „Toodaloo, motherfuckers.“ said the armored thing they saw before. Then he winded up the quadruple energy miniguns at the back. What had been done in the next minutes could be only described as pure chaos, random bits of concrete and junk flying around just to get run over by a truck. At last, he blasted himself outside with rocket launchers when being followed by the angered unicorn-pegasus thing. „I do not know who or what you are, but not even Discord had been rude enough to do something like this!“. „Shut up... If you will yell at me... My sociopathy will return... Accompanied shortly by psychopathy... And that will not end well. Trust me.“ he said. „Now, after we are done with my little present... Could you show me the way to the nearest liquor shop? I need to get drunk.“ he said with a smile so evil that he thanked for the helmet hiding his face. „What shop?“ Said the Princess. „Liquor shop. A shop that sells alcohol. Booze if you want.“ „I had never heard of ANY of these. You may have them in the damned place that YOU come from, but i am personally glad that i do not have any of those in my Equestria !“ „Nope...“ he said. „Only if sand is considered liquor here...“ he mumbled. „Lets get down to business. I presume, that you want to know this: What i am, who i am, from where i come and what are my intentions.“ he said with an annoying tone. „I’ll will answer you later!“ he said, and turned the engine on again. „Tell me atleast your name! If you have one...“ she said. „How i am adressed? I am called many names... The formal one is – Samuel Joseph Gallow. Sam, if you want. Altrough, i had been given vaious nicknames...“ Said Sam with pleasure. „So General Cum Dumpster is not your name?“ she said with a chuckle. „No, just a nickname i got for being rude and shameless. Can i ask for your name?“. „Princess Celestia.“ the Princess said. „Well Tia, if you want to know about Me... Get inside. I dont like wasting time with talking.“ he said as he opened the passanger door, and cleared the sead from rubble. „Im not sure... but I will risk it.“ „And it’s Celestia!“ She got in, and Sam fastened her seatbelt. He put the first gear on. But something was wrong. The world was spinning just like on Helios before he woke up in this land. „What is this? I know i could not have trusted You!“ yelled Celestia. „I did nothing! I promise! It is just like i got heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere“ Then the whole world got black. Okay, this is it. The second chapter. Sorry for being a lazy motherfucker and playing games instead of writing this :) Chapter 3 - Home Sweet HomeRead. It. Here. I just converted the story here from google docs, and it sucks. Read it on google. Seriously Chapter 3 – Home, Sweet Home Just to be clear, i want you to know the talking of Samuel. Fast, sounds like very hyperactive. Imagine Mordin Solus from Mass Effect or a AHDH person on cocaine. Celestia woke up laying on her back. In sand. Everything was blurry for her, the headache not helping the situation. Also, something was burning her whole body, like if she was in a oven, making it hard to even breathe. She started to panic. She tried to scream, but all that came out was a high shreak and pain in her lungs. „Take small, fast breathes. Then you’ll get used to it.“ said a voice behind her. She took the advice, and after a little while it worked. „Getting used to the air is the easiest thing. The most annoying thing is the sunlight. You wont escape it.“ said the deep voice again. „Here, take this. I cant let you die here from dehydratation.“ She looked around when the blur in her eyes got away. Sand. Sand. Tarmac. Samuel. Handing her a bottle, sand. „Come on, drink. I ain’t got all day.“ She grabbed the bottle with her magic, and unscrewed the cap. While she drinked, she saw him looking at the sun. No, suns. Three bright stars were shining on the planet. One red, one golden and the least bright blue-ish. „Hah, i got connection! Were on Helios!“ he said with excitement. „I’m sorry to interrupt your moment, but what exactly is Helios?“ said Celestia with faked curiosity. „My universe, Tia! Im god here. What could not be achieved on my old homeworld, was done here.“ He made the sentence sound so devilish, so it creeped Celestia out. „W-w-what were you actually trying to get to?“ she asked him. „Wipe out everything, that resisted. I, by myself, wanted... To rule everything. So i murdered millions of people.“ he said with a hint of regret. „Anyways, it was all just an another brick in the wall.“ he added a sound of nostalgia. It has been over four hours of walking on the road. „I see a outpost. Were at the place.“ He said while looking into a pair of binoculars. „Finally...“ said the worn out goddess, altrough Samuel did not seem to be affected at all. It even looked like he is enjoying it. „You like it, right?“ „Like what?“ „Walking in the endless desert. Pushing yourself to the limits.“ „Maybe a little. But it is only years of practice.“ „How long have you been here, actually? Fourty years, or more?“ „Exactly one thousand, a hundreth and eighty-one years, two months and five days. Also, i think what causes my apparent happiness.“ „What it is?“ „A company of someone else then my insane mind, and my hand.“ „So you are happy that i am here?“ „Its hard to say it, but yes.“ „Anyways, how did i got here?“ „Same way i got to Eque... How was it again?“ „Equestria.“ „Oh yea, to Equestria.“ „And that is how?“ „I am not certainly sure, but it appears like some kind of inter-dimensional teleport. Or maybe it is the theory of paralell universes?“ „So you are saying that in my universe there is Equestria, and in your universe is this desert.“ „I don’t know exactly, but it looks like it is.“ Then they arrived at the place. „I havent been here in years. I dont know what i left here, with lots of luck there will be a vehicle capable of travel.“ he said. „And if there will be not?“ asked Celestia. „Then we will restock as much as possible, rest and then we’ll walk 300 kilometers on foot.“ he said without a slight chance of caring. „Are you serious? We walked today like.. 15 kilometers? It took us over four hours!“ she said with disbelief. „Thats the second best case. After 300 kilometers, there is an another outpost. That one, is near my pretty much frequent route, and i often keep those places restocked. Maybe, but maybe, there will be a car. If there will be not, we restock, rest and then walk for another 300 kilometers.“ he said. „Wait wait wait... Whats a car?“ she asked him. „The thing i decorated your castle with is a car. A well armoured, pretty slow and armed car. Ill tell you the trivia later.“ Then he opened the door, that resisted only with a screech. The room was full of dust, and sunlight shined trough various holes in the window that had wooden planks hammered to it. On the wall was a large, worn out text. „SEC-16, LOC-71.97“ The walls were concrete, same as the floor. He looked around for a bit, but then a door labeled „GARAGE“ got his attention. He then took something that shined blue from his neck. He slid it into the lock, but nothing happened. „Dammit. The power’s off.“ he said. „How are we going to open it then?“ asked the princess. „We are going to start a generator that makes it. I can do this myself, you can lay on the bed there and relax while i do that.“ he said monotonely. „Id like to see it myself.“ said Celestia. The room was dark, only ligh source was proven by a shine of light that made its way trough several large ventilation holes in the ceiling in the caved out area below. The room was completely out of metal, a large desk was in the middle of the windowed area that overlooked the cave. On the desk was a keyboard, just very much thicker and it seemed it was not mechanical, like the one the typewriter in Celestia’s office was. It was connected by wires to a box under the table. To the box several other cables were connected, to large dark panels. „What is this?“ she asked Samuel. „A computer. It calculates for you, and runs various applications. This station is connected to a water pipeline, and is one of few that controls it. I use this thing to control the water flow and the whole run of this outpost.“ he answered. They were on a walkway, and were heading into the lower parts of the cave. Celestia could see two large pipes going out of the walls. „There’s the generator. This one is old, runs on concentrated gasoline. Extremely dangerous.“ he said. „How many outposts are here on Helios?“ she asked. „Over ten thousand.“ Then he dived out an universal key that was labeled „GENERATORS, MARK VII TYPES.“ he slid the key into a small control panel. It took a few seconds, but then an deafening roar was unleashed upon them. Suddenly, the whole facility came to light. „There we fucking go. Lets see if there’s a faster way how to get out of here.“ They made the way to the garage door, and he slid the thing inside. In a second, the door beeped, and opened. „No. Fucking. Way.“ he said. „What’s the matter?“ asked him Celestia. „The Last One.“ suddenly, the dust faded away. There stood a thing similiar to the one that she saw before. „The Last One?“ she asked him. „Prepare for a little story.“ „So, you know for what am i here.“ „Murder.“ „Indeed. Now, what i havent told you is, that it was my will to come here. I made a deal with them: Give me a month of preparations, then i will leave. When i was leaving, i took my wealth, and one of them was my collection of 31 rare cars. Until now, i was missing the last one. My personal favorite. The Last One.“ Before them stood a low vehicle, in purple color with black stripes, with a large spoiler in its back and a noticable bump in the hood hiding a large supercharger. Under the spoiler, there was a text. „Challenger R/T“ „So you were looking for this for long?“ „Yes, but i never actually thought of it being here.“ „It looks... Pretty?“ „It is absolutely beautiful. Made this car myself with my brother.“ „You had a family?“ „A long story. Anyways, it is perfectly tuned, and after i will make some pre-run checks, it should be ready for rollin‘.“ „Is it fast?“ „Very fast, powerful enough to make wheelies if you press the pedal too much.“ „I think it is time to take off the armor. Im sweating like a pig in it.“ he said after a hour of working on the vehicle. „I am actually pretty interested how does your race look under it.“ the goddess said. „I’m a human.“ „Atleast i used to be...“ he mumbled. He unstrapped the weird sticks that turned out later to be weapons, then put the hood away. Then, he plugged out the cables leading from the helmet. Suddenly, the neon blue lights went dark. It came off with a loud hiss, and then she saw his face. Almost the same appereance as the monkeys (or ponies), but the nose was flat, and the ears were smaller. Also, the skin had no fur, except for the long mane on the top of the head and some hair under the nose and on the chin. But what mostly discracted her were the scars on his face. „Those... Scars...“ she said. „Helios doesnt play games with you. There are about a million of different animals ready to kill you when you move. All that you can do is fight, or run.“ he said with the mouth that had a scar over its lips. Then she saw what was under his armor. A vest with some pockets, shorts and a shirt. Nothing more. He put his boots on, then looked in a mirror. „Dammit, i look like a mess. I have to cut my hair either here or at your place. Hell, i’ve even got a beard. Well, we’re ready to rock. We will be at an another outpost in an hour.“ he said when looking into the mirror. „300 kilometers in one hour? That’s fast.“ she said. „We’re traveling in it at 400 kilometers a hour, so we will be there actually faster. „400 on the road? Thats alot fast!“ He started the machine. First it was trying to start, but failed. The second try was succesful and Celestia was overwhelmed by the extreme roar of the engine. „DONT WORRY! WHEN WE GET THE SPEED, I LOOSEN A BIT.“ he yelled. „WHAT?“ she yelled at him. He wawed a hand with his typical arrogance, and rode out of the garage. The engine was alot quieter then before. „And i thought that i will escape the sun“ she said. „That’s why i have A/C cooling here and there should be a pair of sunglasses somewhere.“ he said, and then he turned the cooling on. A very welcomed cold breeze flew over her. „I had never considered air as such a beautiful thing until now.“ she said. „Needs music...“ he said. Then the weird vortex appeared again. He pressed the pedal to the floor, and the overpowered car started to roar even more then before when going into a wheelie. But that did not work either. „THE DAMN THING APPEARS RANDOMLYYYYYYYYYYYYY-“ The damn vortex is appearing randomly. And i thought i will have her company for a bit longer :( She is nice. Damn it, im a serial killer, a murderer, liar, cheat and a dictator. Am i feeling „love“ again? Something weird is happening. And I... Like it ? Something very weird inside my head is happening. And the damn voices are back. Kill that, destroy that, steal that. Im getting more crazier then before. Now i am stuck in the retarded pony faggotry like before. And i dont know for how long. Last time it was six hours, now it can be a year. Oh yeah - Find my ride: ■ Everything went better then expected. Found my old car again, and the collection is complete. After i regained consioucness the damn thing spewed out a MIG-29, and that old Russian tank i dont remember the name of. T something. Note: Did not had drugs in a week. I even started talking slowly like i did before. „Now, Samuel, we have to deal with you. We do not know where will you stay here, for how long. But i am sure that i want you far away from me, but still in reach. Stay in Ponyville.“ „Ponyville? Sound’s weird. Like if we named our cities Humanville.“ he replied with arrogance. „If her majesty wishes!“ he said with heavy sarcasm. „I will try not to kill something while i am there.“ he said angrily and leaved. „Umm, hello?“ asked the purple unicorn. „What?“ he said. „I’m Twilight Sparkle, the princess’s student. I think we have met before.“ she said. „Yes. I met you, the huge cunt, the faggot, that dumb redneck, the hyperactive down syndrome and that little sissy before.“ he said. „You met who?“ she asked. He pointed at her friends. „Rarity – Huge cunt“ He pointed at Rainbow „Faggot“ Then at AJ „Dumb Redneck“ „Pinkie – Hyperactive Down Syndrome“ „Fluttershy – Sissy“ „Who are you calling a faggot, chump?“ asked him the cyan pegasus angrily. „Who are you calling a chump, faggot? Compensating for something? That you are not good as someone else? Im not sure what dumb insecurities you have, but i dont give a fuck about them, so shut the fuck up and go cry on you little cloud up there before i-„ „End it both of ya, will ya?“ said Applejack. „Shut. The. FUCK. Up. You imbred, cousin fucking, moonshine drinking, moutain dwelling hillbilly scum, it is not even your problem, so why dont you go over to your stupid little farm to get fucked in the ass by your own brothe-“ „Stop it all of you! There is no time for arguing here!“ said Twilight. „Forget about that. Now, where will i sleep?“ he said. „You can stay at the library with me and Spike.“ Twilight answered. „Not a chance, i will not be spending my time with books and that mutated lizard.“ „Then you can stay at the Sugarcube corner with Pinkie.“ she said. „I’d rather shoot myself in the head right now.“ „Then what about Fluttershy... No? Then what about Raibow Dash?“ she said. „No.“ said Samuel and Rainbow in unison. „Applejack?“ „That will not end well. Trust me. Altrough, i may come there to make some booze.“ he said. „Then Rarity is the only chance.“ she said. „That’ll work. I needed a new suit anyways.“ he smiled. „Give me two days and I will make a unstoppable killing machine from her. No? Dammit. Nevermind, see ya at boutique, ´kay thank’s, bye.“ he said, then he rushed to the jet. It was a standard army plane, just modified to fly faster and to be capable of flying vertically like a helicopter. He took off, and in one minute he was landing in the dark town. No lights were on, everyone was sleeping. Until now. As he landed in the middle of the town square, he took his armor, and a big bag of weapons from the second seat. „Finally, i’m waiting here for you for like an hour now.“ he said with a smile. Rarity grunted. „Can i ask you for just doing one simple thing?“ she said. „Of course, its your place afterall.“ „Please dont curse. My younger sister is living with me.“ she asked him. „Not a problem, you are a lady afterall and i am a civilized man. I will try to talk as polite as possible.“ he said. „That would be simply fabulous.“ she said while she opened the door. „Actually, how was the name again?“ „General Samuel Joseph Gallow, a.k.a the Fuhrer or more frequent Cum Dumpster. Just call me Sam, or Samuel.“ he smirked. „Where can i put my things, lady marshmallow?“ he asked Rarity who immediately frowned at him. „*sigh* There is a sofa in the living room. You can sleep there.“ she answered. „I slept the last 1000 years on a fucki... on a sofa, i can sleep a few days on a sofa here. Also, i need food. Lots of food. And coffee. Lots of coffee.“ he added. „I do not drink coffee, and i also do not intend to make food at one in the morning, a lady needs her beauty sleep.“ „Fine, ill just re-park my plane and steal some coffee.“ he said, and then strapped his helmet on again. Suddenly, Rarity was alone. In a minute, she heard a loud noise of a machine starting up and taking off. Suddenly, it was parked near the boutique. Then Samuel appeared with a box of coffee inside. „Good night then, or good morning?“ When Rarity woke up, she instantly headed towards the bathroom. She found Samuel sitting on the toilet, with a cup that could fit atleast 500 ml of liquid, reading a newspaper. „Morning“ he mumbled. „Shall i come later?“ she asked him with a look of disgust. „Nah, i was finished anyways.“ he said as he pulled up his pants, while Rarity was looking away. „Slept well?“ he asked her, and unholstered the big trench knife, and took a can of shaving gel from the shelf. „My sleep was simply horrible! I only had eight hours of my beauty sleep today!“ she said. „Thats horrible...“ he said sarcastically. „I got my first four hours of sleep in eight days and im good. You see, they made my metabolism hyperfast. I can go with a few hours of sleep a day, but replacing it constantly with coffee and energy drinks takes its toll.“ „You smell horrid.“ she said when she got closer. „Yeah, also i havent showered for three months. Water is too precious for that, when you are alone in the desert. Mind if i do it here?“ „That would be.... good.“ she said. He washed his face, that was completely without any hair now. „Any plans for today?“ she asked him. „I’ll probably just wash the plane, then the tank. Also, i need to find a place to stay. I cant live here forever. Wait a second...“ he said as he suddenly looked out o the window on the heavily armed plane. „DONT TOUCH THAT! IT IS NOT. A. TOY!!!!“ he yelled at the group of fillies that gathered around it. In a moment, all of them were gone. „Spoiled brats... I think that i got a heart attack...“ he mumbled. „Is there any reality agency or something around here?“ he asked the shocked pony. „T-T-There is none in Ponyville. You can try Canterlot...“ Rarity answered. „Fine.“ „Also, could you be so kind and pick up Sweetie Belle from school? I overslept so i have to skip that...“ Rarity asked him as he headed out „Whatever.“ He opened the back door, and saw a familiar sight. The Last One. This appeared in the middle of the night in the Canterlot Royal Gardens. Please do not drive over somepony with it. – Princess Celestia. „Finally doing something useful then complaining.“ he mumbled. We dont need no education. We dont need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teacher leave them kids alone HEY TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE! Overall its just a another brick in the wall Then you put the volume to minimum. „Which one of you little brats is Sweetie Belle?“ he asked the two little fillies that looked at him. „Blank flank is with her friends hiding in the classroom.“ one of them answered. He walked trough the head but hit his head instead. The duo laughed at him. „Just laught more, spoiled brats. Lets see who will laugh the last.“ he said and then entered the classroom. „I’m looking for Sweetie.“ he said. „I am Swetie. Who are you? Some kind of an alien? Maybe we can earn our cutie marks by exploring alien worlds!“ said the kid to her two friends. Now Samuel could see why the tho called them blank flanks. „I have no idea what are you talking about, but your big sister asked me to get you home.“ he said to the small pony. „You kids are naive. When i drive trough the city everything is closed, and noone is on the street. Lets go now.“ he said. „Can i take Scootaloo and Applebloom with me?“ the little pony asked him. Then the orange one talked. „Hey, i know you! I was at Rainbow’s place this morning and she told me that some kind of a alien monkey talked rude to her.“ „Alien monkey? Watch your words, chicken.“ To kill annoy and harrass list : Rainbow Dash Diamond Tiara (+ family) Applejack (+ brother/cousins) Also, i should buy a bottle for Rarity as a thank you. „What is this? Some kind of alien transport thingy?“ she small pony asked him. „Sort of.“ he answered and opened the door. „You three get in the back.“ he pointed at the rear seats. „Dont forget to fasten your seatbelts.“ When the three got in, he started the car. Then he saw the two annoying brats in the mirror. „Perfect.“ he mumbled, and then pressed the pedal to the floor. Splashes of mud splattered on them and they coughed from the smoke. „Hahahah! Revenge, suckas!“ he laughed as the car slowed down to normal speed. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH We come from the land of ice and snow Of the midnight sun where the hot springs blow Hammers of the gods Will drive our ships to new land Fight the world Sing and cry „Valhalla i am coming“ He stopped. „Come on, get out already.“ The three midget horses trotted out of the car. „Ah think ahm gonna puke.“ Said the one with southern accent. „Hey you small one! Wait a sec! AJ is your sister right?“ he asked her. „Well, yes. Yall‘ need anythin“ she asked him. „Sure. Say that uncle Sammie says hey.“ Suddenly, the rear wheels turned on the dirt again. First, he drove out carefully out of Ponyville, because he did not want to clean blood from the tires again. Then he speeded up to 70 kilometers per hour overtaking any carts on the road and leaving them coated with dust. Canterlot - 15 miles. Suddenly, the road became solid. Then he sped up to 150. Then, behind a moutain he saw the capitol city of Equestria. Canterlot Realities – The best reality management in Equestria for over 15 years. „This’ll do.“ He walked in ignoring the feared sights of snobbish ponies on the street. Noone is inside. He looked at his watch. 15:30. Then at the opening times – Thursday – 13:00 to 20:00 He walked to the counter. *ding* „Hellooo?“ *ding* „Anybody theeerre?“ *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* „DING A FUCKING LIIIIIIING !“. Then he lost his patience. He jumped over the counter. Under it was a small unicorn hiding, shivering from fear. „Come on, get up. Im not here to eat you, steal you, or try to make a hybrid of yours and my species.“ he said with the most friendly smile he could give. „N-N-N-N-No?“ she small pony asked him. „W-W-What do you want then?“ she asked him. „What could it be?! Im here in a fucking reality agency to get tacos!“ The two royal guards blocked his way with spears. „You two have five seconds to let me pass or things will get bad.“ 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. „As you wish.“ He walked towards the car, and thrusted towards the guards whom suddenly fled from the way, and stopped before making a new hole into the freshly repaired wall. „Hey Tia! I need four million bits.“ he cheered the princess. „Excuse me?“ „Four million bits. Flat.“ he said with a devilish smile. „For what?“ „An abandoned factory in the middle of the desert.“ he said with that ugly smile. „Seriously?“ „Yup. If that wont work, i still got a small nice suburban house in some place called Manehattan for two and a half.“ he said. „Not a chance. First, you destroy my castle and make me to rebuild it for over a billion and now you storm in with that stupid smile and demand money.“ she said. „Fine, just give me a little money. I dont have anything to pay with.“ he changed his tone. „No.“ Celestia looked at him. „Fine, ill go rob some stores and kill some ponies to get it my way...“ Celestia sighed. „How much?“ „Just 50 thousand, i need to rent myself a home and make it pretty.“ he said with a normal expression. „I hate you.“ „Im back!“ he shouted at the small pony behind the pult. „Celestia has her periods, so i have only 50 grand. Anything for that? Just for rent? With running water and electricity?“ he said. „Well... I have here a small house, 2+1k, for 15 thousand for month.“ she said. „Beautiful! Where?“ „Goddamn fucking homoville again.“ he mumbled when he walked out on the street. It was a sunny day, but still not enough to blind him even when he looked directly into the sun. He decided it is time for lunch, and started walking down the street trying to ignore the curious faces of ponies. Then he spotted a shop that interested him. It was a shop selling gardening accesories, plants and seeds. And cannabis was on the list. Same with coca, and tobbaco. „I’m starting to like this place more and more.“ After buying some „entertaiment“, he spotted a shop that took his attention even more. Musical instruments. He walked inside. He sighted a grey surprised pony with black mane and a note as it’s ass tatoo. „Sup, i was just walking by and spotted that you have guitars here?“ he asked the musical pony. „Well, yes. It matters on what guitar are you looking for...“ „Ill take a air guitar, and electric one. Also, i need amplifiers, repro’s, and a record player. Preferably a mixpult and turnables.“ „That is total... 157, 958 bits.“ „Uuuuhm... The castle will pay it. Just sent a request, and her majesty will pay it. I will be here in a second, i need a way to transport it all.“ he ran off, and suddenly he stopped the vehicle near the shop. „Usually, i would tell ponies to stick payments like that down their plot, but you are... different.“ „I know what are you talking about.“ End chapter 3 – I tried to make this chapter bigger, and better. Also, i am actually trying to make his ignorant, arrogant and annoying arguments somehow funny. I am thinking about romance between him and somepony... Dammit that rule 34 images are getting on my mind too much. Comment if you think that i should add more action, or change something or add something or whatever. Chapter 4 - Finding a little light in the darknessHERE IT IS, FILTHY PIGLETS! Chapter 4 – Finding some light in the darkness „Sooooo you’re having dinner?“ „I invited you here only because our best scientists want to know about your specie- “ „Sooooo you wanna know ´bout me?“ „I have got enough of you, ple-“ „Sooooo where to start? Yeah...“ „Please don-“ „Oh yes i know where! Well, i once dated a girl with a dick“ Several of the important looking ponies changed their expressions. „Here we go...“ said Celestia. „Well, first i didn’t know she had a dick, but then it changed after we went to her place. First, I was disguted.“ „And then happened what?“ asked one of the ponies. „Then i said what the heck, and we did it in the butt.“ Several scientists made disgusted notes. „If yer not gonna eat that, give it to me.“ „You can order food here, Samuel.“ said the ruler. Suddenly, a few waiters rushed near. „Okay, soooo... I’ll have a beef steak, medium rare, with french fries...“ „Your species eat meat?“ asked one of the scientists. „Yeah, we eat everything we can digest, atleast i do. Some sissies are scared of eating meat ´Becaaaaaause animals have a soooul´ and such bullshit.“ „That is so ignorant and discusting!“ said a one female unicorn. „Maybe for you, but nothing is better then grilled beef and cold beer. Give me the menu, i’ll see what is not discusting for you.“ One of the waiters handed him the Menu „FUCK’A‘DUCK!! Why is everything here with fuckin‘ hay?!“ „I knew that it will end like this!“ yeled angrily the alicorn. „Please dont get angry...“ „How can i NOT get angry when somepony complains about the rock music and you take a guitar out of nowhere, climb to the table and start playing as loud as possible?! Buck!“ „It’s fuck.“ „I will say it as I want!“ „You’re so cute when you get angry“ „Stop.“ „Really cute.“ „Very fuckable.“ „Stop. Please.“ „I can imagine your cute little face biting the pillows when i ram my-“ „Shut. Up.“ „Mmmmm...... I hope that you don’t have herpes. Took me four years to get rid of that.“ „How could you think of me having something like that?!“ „Cute little bugger....“ „Stop it!“ „I can see your face turning red right now. You want it, riiiiiiiiiiiight?“ „With you? Never.“ „Why not? I got everything you could want. Money, power, a place to live in, full of natural resources...“ „I have that all too.“ „I’ve got more!“ „Prove it.“ „Lets get to the fucking vortex and i’ll show you!“ „I am never again going to the fiery hell you call hom-“ He suddenly picked up his electric guitar again, and started playing. „Welcome to the junge! We’we got fun and games! We’we got everything you want! Ow do we know the names-“ „Not your stupid monkey songs again...“ „We got the people that can find, whatever you may need. If you got the money, honey, we’we got your disease.“ „Stop!“ „Welcome to the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to youre kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kneeeeeees! Kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! I want to watch you bleed...“ „Done with your little episode?“ „Yeah. Oh, the place i started living in got accidentaly somehow burned to the ground...“ „Sister! What is the source of thine noises in thine midnight hours-“ „Wazzup?“ „What is a monkey doing inside your private chambers?“ „That is a long stor-“ „Do i look like a fucking monkey to ‘ya? Well, we evolvved from monkeys, but still – I am not a monkey.“ „Well...“ said the blue alicorn. „Give me a second...“ He rushed out on the balcony. „I, will count to 5. Then you will come out or you’re dead.“ „One.“ „Two.“ „Three.“ „Three and a half.“ „Three and three quarters.“ „Foooooour...“ „Okay okay, I’m here.“ Suddenly, a cyan pegasus appeared. „Good. How fast can you run?“ „What?“ „How fast do you run? Does your little peanut head understand that?“ „Oh! I’m the fastest in the whole Equestria!“ „We’ll see about that... I know that you are spying on me for the two horrid day’s i am here. So... Do you have time tommorow morning?“ „For what?“ „For a little competition.“ „What competition?“ „You’ll see...“ „Good morning Dashie, you had probably seen this on my back before.“ „Yeah... Is that the thing that makes lightning and destroys other things?“ „Yes. A 40mm anti material rifle, capable of being used as a machine gun if a ammo belt is attached. Very powerful, tears trough anything you point it at. Bullets are using miniature nuclear bombs instead of black powder, weapon is capable of shooting at range up to seven kilometers, can be remote controlled when on a tripod.“ „Kinda cool, i guess. Why do you have that here for me?“ „To see how fast can you run.“ „Heh, i can show you without that.“ „It’s less fun then.“ He picked up the briefcase up, and opened it. Inside was a laptop, with a little joystick built in, with a big red button labeled „BOOMSTICK.“ He emerged the antenna, connected the cellphone in, and dialed a number. Suddenly, the giant weapon came alive. „Check this out.“ he said. He typed something in, pressed ENTER and the weapon automatticaly pointed at Dashie’s head. „Run.“ „W-W-What?“ „You heard it, run.“ „No!“ „What? You’re scared? The best pony from all over the world is scared of running?“ „I’m not!“ „Then run! If i shoot your brains out at this range, my clothes will get dirty. Blood is a real pain in the ass if you want to clean it.“ „Ah! Hahahahh. I get it now! Nice prank.“ „Ha. Ha. Ha.“ He aimed the weapon on the ground under her, and fired. The deafening thunder made a big hole in the ground, and the dust blinded Rainbow. After a moment of coughing, the dust was gone. „Should i explain it to you once again? Ten seconds, then i start shooting. Run!“ Rainbow Dash started running the two miles towards the forest. Then, he removed the five round magazine, unlocked a hole for the ammo belt. „Hmmmm... Armor piercing... Useless. Incideary? Nah... Explosive rounds? Hmmh...“ He walked towards the trunk of the car, picked up the box, and placed it to the left side of the gun. He opened the box, and loaded the 2000 round ammo belt. Rainbow Dash stopped running. It was over thirty seconds now. „All talk but nothing. Lame.“ Suddenly, the ground two meters from her exploded. Then she heard the roar again. She started running towards the forest again. Only a half now, she thought. The ground exploded again. And again. Then the hell started. Everywhere was chaos, pieces of dirt and rocks flying around. „AOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! PIECES OF HELL FOR SALE, AT 750 ROUNDS PER MINUTE!!“ Then he stopped firing. The barrel was completely red now. He pressed the icy blue button. Suddenly, a long burst of fire erupted from the right side of the weapon. The cooling system worked perfectly as always. Rainbow dash was in the forest already. She heard yelling. „You alright?“ Suddenly, Samuel appeared with one of his sadistic smiles. „That... Was... AWESOME!“ she bursted out. „We’ll work together well, if you wont spy on me anymore. Come on, i’ll lift you home.“ „You’re not coming in?“ she asked. „Nah Skittles, i have some little fun plans.“ „Yeah? I’m coming too!“ „No you’re not!“ „Why not?“ „It’s personal.“ He sneaked in fairly easily, all his weapons packed and armour on. She was sitting on the big sofa, slurping tea and reading newspaper. He crept up right behind her, unstrapped his gloves and helmet. Then all the weapons on the floor behind the sofa. He waited a moment for her to put the tea on the table, and then he jumped on her. „Surpriiiiiise!“ he yelled, and before she could scream he was sitting on the sofa and herself lying on his lap. „What are you- NO NOT THIS! IT IS WORSE THEN TORTURE!!!“ she screamed. „I’ve ran trough your medical records.“ „No no please stop-“ „I know every single thing about you.“ he said with his trademark smile. „Pricess is everything alright“ suddenly a guard rushed in. „No it’s no-“ she suddenly squaked. „She’s alright! Look how happy she is.“ he interrupted. „I’m no-“ Celestia tried to speak, but suddenly erupted in laughter again. „How can this be bad? Look at her! Now get the fuck out and make me a sandvich.“ It took a few moments and Celestia turned into a little drooling pile of laughter. „Enough tickling?“ Samuel asked. „Yes...“ she answered. „It’s rainy today. Makes me sleepy. *yawn*“ he said, but did not recieve no answer. He looked at her asleep in his hands. „Why is this so goddamn adorable?“ he muttered to himself. He stood up, placed her on the sofa, and covered her with the hooded armoured duster he had on. Then Sam took a seat nearby, and felt asleep. There we go, a little conversational chapter. Sorry for taking so long!
PrologueBehind the eyes of a Monster – Prologue Planet Helios Alpha Helios planetary system Far away from Earth 11:12 „All i see, turns to brown“ „As the sun burns the ground“ „And my eyes, fill with sand“ „As i scan, this Wastedland“ What Led Zeppelin were singing, happened to be true. Thousands of miles of endless desert. The planet seemed as a worthless chunk of sand and rock, but he did not have other choice. As a failed military experiment, that psychically changed him into a unstoppable killing machine. Cold, calculating. He did what he had to do. That ended anyways by being sent into space with things that he managed to pack. The „lightly“ armored old pickup truck rushed trough the desert. A ordinary day. One of the most common problems had to be fixed – broken water distribution. He took everything he needed for this four day long journey, a 4x4 vehicle capable of drivining offroads, because the station where the problems occured was in a deserted place that he visited rarely. „Entering sector X78, 46 kilometers to destination, ETA 30 minutes“ said the robotic voice from the onboard navigation. He stopped the vehicle, and opened the door. „Am i seeing what i am seeing?“ A black eagle landed on the weapon systems that had been installed in the rear. „Appolo, you stupid bird i thought that you’re dead!“ he yelled happily at the bird. „Dumb birds...“ he mumbled while climbing on the back of the truck. Then he opened a can of food, and placed it near the bird. „Eat, ill get you water when we get there“. He waited for the bird to feed, then he kicked the tin can into the sand. „Its hot this morning“. He was not lying, average temperature at this time is 63°C. At the highest – at 18:36, it was even reaching about 80°C. Ten minutes after, he drove from the tarmac onto a dirt road, hidden in shadow from one side because of a malfunctioning water pipe. After a while he had to stop. The path was blocked from one side by pipes, from the other side by sand and on the road were laying rocks. HE got out. „Fuck! Now i have to move this bullshit for the next two hours like a idiot.... Or not if i use a more „destructive“ way...“ He reached his pocket, and got out a brick of CSSemtex explosives. It was practically normal semtex, just refined and more concentrated. Before he planted the explosives, he made sure that everything is out of the way. The car was, same with things it had on the back. In a chest, there was his Multi-Purpose Assault Gear. It consisted of a full body armor, made out of indestructive material. Only a black hole or something like that could destroy it. The „helianium“ substance (how he called it) was found only on Helios, extremely hard to get. If you had the fortune to find its ore, you had to run it trough two month lasting refining procedure. With the armor, there were also weapons. Before he could plant the explosives, he saw what probably made the problem. It was some kind of a vortex, not completely dark. It was bending light in. The vortex was getting to him fast. He jumped into the car, and turned the key. The engine was trying to start, but still failing. „Not now dammit, not now!“ He yelled. Then the vortex took him. Entire world went black, then sending him unconsious. Then he woke up. The light did not blind him, he got too much practice from the light that the three suns surronding Helios emmited. He tried to get up, but when he got halfways his muscles failed him and he fell on the ground. Second try was succesful. He looked around. Trees. With apples. Apple trees. He looked around. Same utility boarding that he wore before. Gloves, high boots, shorts, and a t-shirt with a tactical vest filled with tools. And a sidearm. Then he saw a familiar chest. „heheheh... This’ll make this more interesting“. He opened it, and saw exactly what he expected. Armor, guns. He put the armor on first, then the helmet. While the armor systems were booting up, he put his cape on. Then the hoodie that came with the cape. It was long, ending just before the ground. It was made out of the same material the armor was from. Then he strapped the weapons to him. Four on the back, including the big sword and his gigantic 40mm anti-materiel rifle, his two powerful sidearms – the Hellraiser, a Smith and Wesson 500 magnum, and the SkullCrusher – a IMI Desert Eagle .50AE. Both guns were customly painted, and engraved with some motives. Then he saw something. A horse. Orange horse. No. A midget orange horse wearing a stenson hat, looking at him. It must have came before a while, he did not see it before. „I must be either dreaming, or on shrooms.“ Dont hate me, but it had to be done. After reading various fanfictions, i decided to make my own, with its own world and its own character. Its my first one so BE GENTLE. Comment please what i should make better, also i’ll make some fanfiction cover art this weekend, including chapter 2. I would GREATLY use someone who has skills in this, to review this and tell me what to enhance. Excuse me if i have grammatic errors, i sometimes have to edit something and i somethimes screw up at writing. Greetings, Kotatko von Drapek Find me on Steam – DJ Kl0basa 101, http://steamcommunity.com/id/kotatko If someone wants, ill put a link of the chapters in the original format - in .doc, because of sized text and things like that
Chapter one: ApplesJust before you start: READ IT HERE. IT IS BETTER THERE. FONTS AND SHIT. Any questions? Find me on Steam! Profile info Chapter 1: Apples Ponyville, Equestria Twilight Sparkle‘s library 11:47 Twilight heard a loud knock on the door. „Im coming!“ She yelled from the loft, climbed down and opened the door. It was Rainbow Dash accompanied with Pinkie. „Oh hey Twilight, i think we have a little problem“. „What is it again? Is something wrong with Pinkie?“ „Im being twitchy all day! At first it was my tail, but then it stopped after Mrs.Cake got crushed with a door! OH it was so funny Mr.Cake and the shop and everyone was laughing and then hudah huddah huh, huhdaa mrmmmhn“ She got shut up with Rainbow’s hoof. Rainbow waited for Pinkie to stop talking. „Get to the point Pinkie.“ She said in a apparently annoyed tone. „My body got twitchy before a moment! My Pinkie sense is telling me that its at the Sweet Apple Acres, so then I thought ill get Rainbow, and Rainbow thought we should get you!“. „Are you telling me that Applejack may be in danger?“ The trio was running to Carousel Boutique. When they got there, Twilight and Rainbow stopped, but Pinkie bounced in. Rainbow didnt wait anymore, and Twilight followed soon after. „Rarity!“ Twilight yelled at her friend. „What is it, darling?“ Rarity responded. „IhaveadoozysomethingatfarmApplejackindangerwemusthurry mmmph hudda mmph hummh“ She got shut up again, by Twilight this time. „Is it true that Applejack is in danger? This is the worst. Possible. Thing.“ „Theres no time for drama here Rarity, we must hurry.“ Said Rainbow. „But im in the middle of a huge project!“ „Rarity!“ Twilight said. „How can you think of dresses when Applejack may be in danger?“ . Rarity grunted with the sound of annoyance. „Just give me a minute to get ready...“ Rarity said, but then Rainbow grabbed her hoof and sprinted out of the boutique accompanied with the other two. Applejack stared at the giant thing. It was about two meters tall, maybe even more. It wore a suit that looked like... she thought what it is, because it was covering its whole body. „An armor“ she thought for herself. Unlike the royal guards at Canterlot, this one was fully painted in black, and while the guards had the armor for mostly as just a decoration, this was apparently made for purely protective purposes. A hoodie was over its head, covering half of its face in shadows. Only two blue lights were visible. On the lower part of the head, it had something that looked like a can. One light was slightly shining orange, and two lights, one green, one red were blicking at a slow pace. A speed of breath. Its back was covered by a cape connected to the hoodie, with 4 different metallic sticks being held on its back. One stick had a thing on it, that you would get if you split a pair of binoculars in half and made the half two times larger. Other one had a smaller version of it on, and some parts were made out of wood that had something carved into it. Then the giant spotted Applejack. It looked at AJ motionlessly, lights on, still blicking. Applejack got scared. They looked at each other for a moment, AJ shaking, thing still motionless. The tiny orange model of a horse with a hat looked at him. „This is just your mind, a hallucination. Just continiue doing what you were doing before.“ He reminded himself. „Its still a fucking weird hallucination afterall“ He turned away from it, and looked at his PDA. It was made out of various parts. Touchscreen and GPS were from his old android phone. Buttons, and the sliding keypad were from some other smartphone. The antenna was from a wifi router, modded to be sliding in and out. The machine was powered by a proccesor from a server, the harddrive out of some MP3 player, he also used the sound processor from it to use the PDA as a way to make long travels more enjoyable with music. The graphics card was a resized and rewired model of a nVidia GTX 580, that he didnt need anymore. RAM was from some laptop. The PDA was a very useful tool for survival. He could navigate himself with it, by GPS or if there was not any signal, a compass. It was connected to his body by neurotransmitters, so the PDA could monitor the medical state of him, injecting battle drugs when needed. He pressed a button, and the display was on. Then he slid the miniature keyboard out, and turned the machine on. > Helios PDA OS v.634,2 > Press ENTER to boot > Booting... > exec C:\hos\system.exe > Please wait... 100% > System succesfully booted. > Estabilish sattelite connection? Y/N > Y > connect 85.71.45.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.41.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.46.100 > Sattelite not found > connect 85.71.42.100 > Sattelites not found > Unable to connect > Try connection to ground antennas? Y/N > Y > scan range max > Scanning.. > Please wait > No connection found > run C:\hos\graph > Starting graphical OS > Please wait... 100% „Weird shit... That orange horse... Apples... I dont have apples on Helios. Only desert. And no horses.“ It was too late. Applejack was looking at the unknown object, the object looking at a end of its limb, doing something. „Leave her alone you robot thing!“ Rainbow screamed and flew at a insane speed towards it. Just a second before impact it went invisible and Rainbow crashed into the ground. Twight could hear muffled laughter behind her. She turned around, but didnt see anything. „What in tarnation is that racket“ Applejack said finnaly. „Those things can talk? The fuck!?“ He thought for himself while goind out of invisibility mode of his suit. Five pairs of eyes were looking at him. He brought a notepad and a ball pen out of his satchel. 31.6, year 3267, 11:51 eastern Helios time. First encounter. I thought that i am hallucinating, but a scan of my surroundings showed me that i am not. Four minutes after three more subjects showed up, one with same appereance as the orange one, but pink. Then there were two beings that i guess were in mythology described as „unicorns“ and a cyan col „Excuse me?“ the purple unicorn said, bringing him back to reality. „What or... who are you?“ it asked again. He stared at it for a moment, then going back to writing. colored horse that i think is a pegasus. Guessing by voice, i think that the purple, orange and the rainbow ones are female, and because of similiar appereance of the pink and marshmallow one i guess that are female too. Those things seem sapient, i already know that the winged midget horses can fly, and the „normal“ ones dont have any special ability. What still makes me wonder is, how special the unicorns are. It seems that i have the technological advantage of them, this place looks like earth’s first years of 20th century. Today’s to-do list: Find out what unicorns do □ Find my ride :( □ (optimal) Sneak around scouting the world of these things □ Overall to-do list: Get as much things and resources as possible. □ Get the fuck out of here! □ When he finished writing all the five horses were looking at him. Suddenly the pink one burst out making him unholster his shotgun from his hip. While the pink horse was talking some gibberish from whom he only understood words „Pinkie“, „friends“ and „party“, he checked the shotgun‘s five round revolver like magazine. It was a shortened version of the famous SPAS-12 shotgun, being stripped of stock and using a revolver like drum for dispensing ammo. „Pinkie.“ the party pony was still talking. „Pinkie.“ Still didnt stop. „PINKIE!“ Twilight yelled at her. „Yes, Twi?“ said Pinkie with a smile. Rainbow dash interrupted „Pinkie i dont think you should be doing it with this unknown object“ Rarity said. „Why?“ „Because the stick that its pointing at you has ‘MEAT SHREDDER‘ engraved in it.“ Twilight replied. Like if the giant understood what they are talking about, it pointed the stick at a nearby tree and demonstrated its function. A incredibly loud thunder rocked trough the sky as tiny shreads of a apple trees were flying around. It was loud enough to temporarily deaf the five ponies. „Leave mah apple trees be ya evil racket!“ yelled AJ and bucked the armored thing with full force. Its effect was entirely opposite. Instead of the thing, AJ fell to the ground with a thud. „It felt like ah‘v bucked a brick wall...“ Note to self: Rednecks are still retarded. My first attempt to writing, i know that i suck. Troll comments will get deleted.Ill post the third chapter later, now i want to play minecraft :3 Rate it in comments, i really need to know what to improve.
Chapter 2 - Back on the road againOkay, ill say it again. Read it here. Chapter 2: Back on the road again Okay, this made me laugh. Im currently on a train, because two minutes after that some purple talking lizard joined in and said that some princess is calling ALL of those guys to her place. Looks like my old hilux dropped from above trough the roof into her private bedrooms... Then they had to get another one „pony“ (thats how they call them... i’m now constantly calling myself „idiot“, hou could i have not thought of that name before) – Fluttershy her name is, and she gets to her name. Right on the train station, she got extremely scared by my plasma grenade (that somehow fell out of its holster), and went hiding into a nearby bush. Also, i thought of giving these pones a lesson – not to fuck with the almighty General Cum Dumpster. Interesting that i still remember my nickname my squad gave me in the past. How were the others? Oh now i know – Hitler, Bastard, Asshole, President Asshole and the most common – Cum Dumpster. Dammit, i have to stop getting off topic so much. Anyways, one goal complete. Find out what unicorns do: ■ Looks like the bastards do magic. No, im not kidding. Magic. Like wizards. Or mages... I had saw some that i consider basic magic now – levitation of small objects. Something tells me that there is more... The marshmallow pony that constantly is bitching about everything (found out shes called Rarity) talked about some capitol big city, got to rob a pharmacy there to get something to stop the blleding from my eye (the dumb neuro-transmitters are colliding with my head) „Princess Celestia! We came as fast as we could!“ said Twilight. Behind Celestia, there was something in her private chambers obstructed by pieces of roof. „What is... this?“ said Twilight again. Instead of the Princess answering, loud noise of machinery echoed trough the castle accompanied after a short while with music. „I rode a tank, held a generals rank when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank“ then it started moving, blasting trough the wall. Then it stopped near the ponies, the music went silent and the dark window slided down. „Toodaloo, motherfuckers.“ said the armored thing they saw before. Then he winded up the quadruple energy miniguns at the back. What had been done in the next minutes could be only described as pure chaos, random bits of concrete and junk flying around just to get run over by a truck. At last, he blasted himself outside with rocket launchers when being followed by the angered unicorn-pegasus thing. „I do not know who or what you are, but not even Discord had been rude enough to do something like this!“. „Shut up... If you will yell at me... My sociopathy will return... Accompanied shortly by psychopathy... And that will not end well. Trust me.“ he said. „Now, after we are done with my little present... Could you show me the way to the nearest liquor shop? I need to get drunk.“ he said with a smile so evil that he thanked for the helmet hiding his face. „What shop?“ Said the Princess. „Liquor shop. A shop that sells alcohol. Booze if you want.“ „I had never heard of ANY of these. You may have them in the damned place that YOU come from, but i am personally glad that i do not have any of those in my Equestria !“ „Nope...“ he said. „Only if sand is considered liquor here...“ he mumbled. „Lets get down to business. I presume, that you want to know this: What i am, who i am, from where i come and what are my intentions.“ he said with an annoying tone. „I’ll will answer you later!“ he said, and turned the engine on again. „Tell me atleast your name! If you have one...“ she said. „How i am adressed? I am called many names... The formal one is – Samuel Joseph Gallow. Sam, if you want. Altrough, i had been given vaious nicknames...“ Said Sam with pleasure. „So General Cum Dumpster is not your name?“ she said with a chuckle. „No, just a nickname i got for being rude and shameless. Can i ask for your name?“. „Princess Celestia.“ the Princess said. „Well Tia, if you want to know about Me... Get inside. I dont like wasting time with talking.“ he said as he opened the passanger door, and cleared the sead from rubble. „Im not sure... but I will risk it.“ „And it’s Celestia!“ She got in, and Sam fastened her seatbelt. He put the first gear on. But something was wrong. The world was spinning just like on Helios before he woke up in this land. „What is this? I know i could not have trusted You!“ yelled Celestia. „I did nothing! I promise! It is just like i got heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere“ Then the whole world got black. Okay, this is it. The second chapter. Sorry for being a lazy motherfucker and playing games instead of writing this :)
Chapter 3 - Home Sweet HomeRead. It. Here. I just converted the story here from google docs, and it sucks. Read it on google. Seriously Chapter 3 – Home, Sweet Home Just to be clear, i want you to know the talking of Samuel. Fast, sounds like very hyperactive. Imagine Mordin Solus from Mass Effect or a AHDH person on cocaine. Celestia woke up laying on her back. In sand. Everything was blurry for her, the headache not helping the situation. Also, something was burning her whole body, like if she was in a oven, making it hard to even breathe. She started to panic. She tried to scream, but all that came out was a high shreak and pain in her lungs. „Take small, fast breathes. Then you’ll get used to it.“ said a voice behind her. She took the advice, and after a little while it worked. „Getting used to the air is the easiest thing. The most annoying thing is the sunlight. You wont escape it.“ said the deep voice again. „Here, take this. I cant let you die here from dehydratation.“ She looked around when the blur in her eyes got away. Sand. Sand. Tarmac. Samuel. Handing her a bottle, sand. „Come on, drink. I ain’t got all day.“ She grabbed the bottle with her magic, and unscrewed the cap. While she drinked, she saw him looking at the sun. No, suns. Three bright stars were shining on the planet. One red, one golden and the least bright blue-ish. „Hah, i got connection! Were on Helios!“ he said with excitement. „I’m sorry to interrupt your moment, but what exactly is Helios?“ said Celestia with faked curiosity. „My universe, Tia! Im god here. What could not be achieved on my old homeworld, was done here.“ He made the sentence sound so devilish, so it creeped Celestia out. „W-w-what were you actually trying to get to?“ she asked him. „Wipe out everything, that resisted. I, by myself, wanted... To rule everything. So i murdered millions of people.“ he said with a hint of regret. „Anyways, it was all just an another brick in the wall.“ he added a sound of nostalgia. It has been over four hours of walking on the road. „I see a outpost. Were at the place.“ He said while looking into a pair of binoculars. „Finally...“ said the worn out goddess, altrough Samuel did not seem to be affected at all. It even looked like he is enjoying it. „You like it, right?“ „Like what?“ „Walking in the endless desert. Pushing yourself to the limits.“ „Maybe a little. But it is only years of practice.“ „How long have you been here, actually? Fourty years, or more?“ „Exactly one thousand, a hundreth and eighty-one years, two months and five days. Also, i think what causes my apparent happiness.“ „What it is?“ „A company of someone else then my insane mind, and my hand.“ „So you are happy that i am here?“ „Its hard to say it, but yes.“ „Anyways, how did i got here?“ „Same way i got to Eque... How was it again?“ „Equestria.“ „Oh yea, to Equestria.“ „And that is how?“ „I am not certainly sure, but it appears like some kind of inter-dimensional teleport. Or maybe it is the theory of paralell universes?“ „So you are saying that in my universe there is Equestria, and in your universe is this desert.“ „I don’t know exactly, but it looks like it is.“ Then they arrived at the place. „I havent been here in years. I dont know what i left here, with lots of luck there will be a vehicle capable of travel.“ he said. „And if there will be not?“ asked Celestia. „Then we will restock as much as possible, rest and then we’ll walk 300 kilometers on foot.“ he said without a slight chance of caring. „Are you serious? We walked today like.. 15 kilometers? It took us over four hours!“ she said with disbelief. „Thats the second best case. After 300 kilometers, there is an another outpost. That one, is near my pretty much frequent route, and i often keep those places restocked. Maybe, but maybe, there will be a car. If there will be not, we restock, rest and then walk for another 300 kilometers.“ he said. „Wait wait wait... Whats a car?“ she asked him. „The thing i decorated your castle with is a car. A well armoured, pretty slow and armed car. Ill tell you the trivia later.“ Then he opened the door, that resisted only with a screech. The room was full of dust, and sunlight shined trough various holes in the window that had wooden planks hammered to it. On the wall was a large, worn out text. „SEC-16, LOC-71.97“ The walls were concrete, same as the floor. He looked around for a bit, but then a door labeled „GARAGE“ got his attention. He then took something that shined blue from his neck. He slid it into the lock, but nothing happened. „Dammit. The power’s off.“ he said. „How are we going to open it then?“ asked the princess. „We are going to start a generator that makes it. I can do this myself, you can lay on the bed there and relax while i do that.“ he said monotonely. „Id like to see it myself.“ said Celestia. The room was dark, only ligh source was proven by a shine of light that made its way trough several large ventilation holes in the ceiling in the caved out area below. The room was completely out of metal, a large desk was in the middle of the windowed area that overlooked the cave. On the desk was a keyboard, just very much thicker and it seemed it was not mechanical, like the one the typewriter in Celestia’s office was. It was connected by wires to a box under the table. To the box several other cables were connected, to large dark panels. „What is this?“ she asked Samuel. „A computer. It calculates for you, and runs various applications. This station is connected to a water pipeline, and is one of few that controls it. I use this thing to control the water flow and the whole run of this outpost.“ he answered. They were on a walkway, and were heading into the lower parts of the cave. Celestia could see two large pipes going out of the walls. „There’s the generator. This one is old, runs on concentrated gasoline. Extremely dangerous.“ he said. „How many outposts are here on Helios?“ she asked. „Over ten thousand.“ Then he dived out an universal key that was labeled „GENERATORS, MARK VII TYPES.“ he slid the key into a small control panel. It took a few seconds, but then an deafening roar was unleashed upon them. Suddenly, the whole facility came to light. „There we fucking go. Lets see if there’s a faster way how to get out of here.“ They made the way to the garage door, and he slid the thing inside. In a second, the door beeped, and opened. „No. Fucking. Way.“ he said. „What’s the matter?“ asked him Celestia. „The Last One.“ suddenly, the dust faded away. There stood a thing similiar to the one that she saw before. „The Last One?“ she asked him. „Prepare for a little story.“ „So, you know for what am i here.“ „Murder.“ „Indeed. Now, what i havent told you is, that it was my will to come here. I made a deal with them: Give me a month of preparations, then i will leave. When i was leaving, i took my wealth, and one of them was my collection of 31 rare cars. Until now, i was missing the last one. My personal favorite. The Last One.“ Before them stood a low vehicle, in purple color with black stripes, with a large spoiler in its back and a noticable bump in the hood hiding a large supercharger. Under the spoiler, there was a text. „Challenger R/T“ „So you were looking for this for long?“ „Yes, but i never actually thought of it being here.“ „It looks... Pretty?“ „It is absolutely beautiful. Made this car myself with my brother.“ „You had a family?“ „A long story. Anyways, it is perfectly tuned, and after i will make some pre-run checks, it should be ready for rollin‘.“ „Is it fast?“ „Very fast, powerful enough to make wheelies if you press the pedal too much.“ „I think it is time to take off the armor. Im sweating like a pig in it.“ he said after a hour of working on the vehicle. „I am actually pretty interested how does your race look under it.“ the goddess said. „I’m a human.“ „Atleast i used to be...“ he mumbled. He unstrapped the weird sticks that turned out later to be weapons, then put the hood away. Then, he plugged out the cables leading from the helmet. Suddenly, the neon blue lights went dark. It came off with a loud hiss, and then she saw his face. Almost the same appereance as the monkeys (or ponies), but the nose was flat, and the ears were smaller. Also, the skin had no fur, except for the long mane on the top of the head and some hair under the nose and on the chin. But what mostly discracted her were the scars on his face. „Those... Scars...“ she said. „Helios doesnt play games with you. There are about a million of different animals ready to kill you when you move. All that you can do is fight, or run.“ he said with the mouth that had a scar over its lips. Then she saw what was under his armor. A vest with some pockets, shorts and a shirt. Nothing more. He put his boots on, then looked in a mirror. „Dammit, i look like a mess. I have to cut my hair either here or at your place. Hell, i’ve even got a beard. Well, we’re ready to rock. We will be at an another outpost in an hour.“ he said when looking into the mirror. „300 kilometers in one hour? That’s fast.“ she said. „We’re traveling in it at 400 kilometers a hour, so we will be there actually faster. „400 on the road? Thats alot fast!“ He started the machine. First it was trying to start, but failed. The second try was succesful and Celestia was overwhelmed by the extreme roar of the engine. „DONT WORRY! WHEN WE GET THE SPEED, I LOOSEN A BIT.“ he yelled. „WHAT?“ she yelled at him. He wawed a hand with his typical arrogance, and rode out of the garage. The engine was alot quieter then before. „And i thought that i will escape the sun“ she said. „That’s why i have A/C cooling here and there should be a pair of sunglasses somewhere.“ he said, and then he turned the cooling on. A very welcomed cold breeze flew over her. „I had never considered air as such a beautiful thing until now.“ she said. „Needs music...“ he said. Then the weird vortex appeared again. He pressed the pedal to the floor, and the overpowered car started to roar even more then before when going into a wheelie. But that did not work either. „THE DAMN THING APPEARS RANDOMLYYYYYYYYYYYYY-“ The damn vortex is appearing randomly. And i thought i will have her company for a bit longer :( She is nice. Damn it, im a serial killer, a murderer, liar, cheat and a dictator. Am i feeling „love“ again? Something weird is happening. And I... Like it ? Something very weird inside my head is happening. And the damn voices are back. Kill that, destroy that, steal that. Im getting more crazier then before. Now i am stuck in the retarded pony faggotry like before. And i dont know for how long. Last time it was six hours, now it can be a year. Oh yeah - Find my ride: ■ Everything went better then expected. Found my old car again, and the collection is complete. After i regained consioucness the damn thing spewed out a MIG-29, and that old Russian tank i dont remember the name of. T something. Note: Did not had drugs in a week. I even started talking slowly like i did before. „Now, Samuel, we have to deal with you. We do not know where will you stay here, for how long. But i am sure that i want you far away from me, but still in reach. Stay in Ponyville.“ „Ponyville? Sound’s weird. Like if we named our cities Humanville.“ he replied with arrogance. „If her majesty wishes!“ he said with heavy sarcasm. „I will try not to kill something while i am there.“ he said angrily and leaved. „Umm, hello?“ asked the purple unicorn. „What?“ he said. „I’m Twilight Sparkle, the princess’s student. I think we have met before.“ she said. „Yes. I met you, the huge cunt, the faggot, that dumb redneck, the hyperactive down syndrome and that little sissy before.“ he said. „You met who?“ she asked. He pointed at her friends. „Rarity – Huge cunt“ He pointed at Rainbow „Faggot“ Then at AJ „Dumb Redneck“ „Pinkie – Hyperactive Down Syndrome“ „Fluttershy – Sissy“ „Who are you calling a faggot, chump?“ asked him the cyan pegasus angrily. „Who are you calling a chump, faggot? Compensating for something? That you are not good as someone else? Im not sure what dumb insecurities you have, but i dont give a fuck about them, so shut the fuck up and go cry on you little cloud up there before i-„ „End it both of ya, will ya?“ said Applejack. „Shut. The. FUCK. Up. You imbred, cousin fucking, moonshine drinking, moutain dwelling hillbilly scum, it is not even your problem, so why dont you go over to your stupid little farm to get fucked in the ass by your own brothe-“ „Stop it all of you! There is no time for arguing here!“ said Twilight. „Forget about that. Now, where will i sleep?“ he said. „You can stay at the library with me and Spike.“ Twilight answered. „Not a chance, i will not be spending my time with books and that mutated lizard.“ „Then you can stay at the Sugarcube corner with Pinkie.“ she said. „I’d rather shoot myself in the head right now.“ „Then what about Fluttershy... No? Then what about Raibow Dash?“ she said. „No.“ said Samuel and Rainbow in unison. „Applejack?“ „That will not end well. Trust me. Altrough, i may come there to make some booze.“ he said. „Then Rarity is the only chance.“ she said. „That’ll work. I needed a new suit anyways.“ he smiled. „Give me two days and I will make a unstoppable killing machine from her. No? Dammit. Nevermind, see ya at boutique, ´kay thank’s, bye.“ he said, then he rushed to the jet. It was a standard army plane, just modified to fly faster and to be capable of flying vertically like a helicopter. He took off, and in one minute he was landing in the dark town. No lights were on, everyone was sleeping. Until now. As he landed in the middle of the town square, he took his armor, and a big bag of weapons from the second seat. „Finally, i’m waiting here for you for like an hour now.“ he said with a smile. Rarity grunted. „Can i ask you for just doing one simple thing?“ she said. „Of course, its your place afterall.“ „Please dont curse. My younger sister is living with me.“ she asked him. „Not a problem, you are a lady afterall and i am a civilized man. I will try to talk as polite as possible.“ he said. „That would be simply fabulous.“ she said while she opened the door. „Actually, how was the name again?“ „General Samuel Joseph Gallow, a.k.a the Fuhrer or more frequent Cum Dumpster. Just call me Sam, or Samuel.“ he smirked. „Where can i put my things, lady marshmallow?“ he asked Rarity who immediately frowned at him. „*sigh* There is a sofa in the living room. You can sleep there.“ she answered. „I slept the last 1000 years on a fucki... on a sofa, i can sleep a few days on a sofa here. Also, i need food. Lots of food. And coffee. Lots of coffee.“ he added. „I do not drink coffee, and i also do not intend to make food at one in the morning, a lady needs her beauty sleep.“ „Fine, ill just re-park my plane and steal some coffee.“ he said, and then strapped his helmet on again. Suddenly, Rarity was alone. In a minute, she heard a loud noise of a machine starting up and taking off. Suddenly, it was parked near the boutique. Then Samuel appeared with a box of coffee inside. „Good night then, or good morning?“ When Rarity woke up, she instantly headed towards the bathroom. She found Samuel sitting on the toilet, with a cup that could fit atleast 500 ml of liquid, reading a newspaper. „Morning“ he mumbled. „Shall i come later?“ she asked him with a look of disgust. „Nah, i was finished anyways.“ he said as he pulled up his pants, while Rarity was looking away. „Slept well?“ he asked her, and unholstered the big trench knife, and took a can of shaving gel from the shelf. „My sleep was simply horrible! I only had eight hours of my beauty sleep today!“ she said. „Thats horrible...“ he said sarcastically. „I got my first four hours of sleep in eight days and im good. You see, they made my metabolism hyperfast. I can go with a few hours of sleep a day, but replacing it constantly with coffee and energy drinks takes its toll.“ „You smell horrid.“ she said when she got closer. „Yeah, also i havent showered for three months. Water is too precious for that, when you are alone in the desert. Mind if i do it here?“ „That would be.... good.“ she said. He washed his face, that was completely without any hair now. „Any plans for today?“ she asked him. „I’ll probably just wash the plane, then the tank. Also, i need to find a place to stay. I cant live here forever. Wait a second...“ he said as he suddenly looked out o the window on the heavily armed plane. „DONT TOUCH THAT! IT IS NOT. A. TOY!!!!“ he yelled at the group of fillies that gathered around it. In a moment, all of them were gone. „Spoiled brats... I think that i got a heart attack...“ he mumbled. „Is there any reality agency or something around here?“ he asked the shocked pony. „T-T-There is none in Ponyville. You can try Canterlot...“ Rarity answered. „Fine.“ „Also, could you be so kind and pick up Sweetie Belle from school? I overslept so i have to skip that...“ Rarity asked him as he headed out „Whatever.“ He opened the back door, and saw a familiar sight. The Last One. This appeared in the middle of the night in the Canterlot Royal Gardens. Please do not drive over somepony with it. – Princess Celestia. „Finally doing something useful then complaining.“ he mumbled. We dont need no education. We dont need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teacher leave them kids alone HEY TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE! Overall its just a another brick in the wall Then you put the volume to minimum. „Which one of you little brats is Sweetie Belle?“ he asked the two little fillies that looked at him. „Blank flank is with her friends hiding in the classroom.“ one of them answered. He walked trough the head but hit his head instead. The duo laughed at him. „Just laught more, spoiled brats. Lets see who will laugh the last.“ he said and then entered the classroom. „I’m looking for Sweetie.“ he said. „I am Swetie. Who are you? Some kind of an alien? Maybe we can earn our cutie marks by exploring alien worlds!“ said the kid to her two friends. Now Samuel could see why the tho called them blank flanks. „I have no idea what are you talking about, but your big sister asked me to get you home.“ he said to the small pony. „You kids are naive. When i drive trough the city everything is closed, and noone is on the street. Lets go now.“ he said. „Can i take Scootaloo and Applebloom with me?“ the little pony asked him. Then the orange one talked. „Hey, i know you! I was at Rainbow’s place this morning and she told me that some kind of a alien monkey talked rude to her.“ „Alien monkey? Watch your words, chicken.“ To kill annoy and harrass list : Rainbow Dash Diamond Tiara (+ family) Applejack (+ brother/cousins) Also, i should buy a bottle for Rarity as a thank you. „What is this? Some kind of alien transport thingy?“ she small pony asked him. „Sort of.“ he answered and opened the door. „You three get in the back.“ he pointed at the rear seats. „Dont forget to fasten your seatbelts.“ When the three got in, he started the car. Then he saw the two annoying brats in the mirror. „Perfect.“ he mumbled, and then pressed the pedal to the floor. Splashes of mud splattered on them and they coughed from the smoke. „Hahahah! Revenge, suckas!“ he laughed as the car slowed down to normal speed. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH We come from the land of ice and snow Of the midnight sun where the hot springs blow Hammers of the gods Will drive our ships to new land Fight the world Sing and cry „Valhalla i am coming“ He stopped. „Come on, get out already.“ The three midget horses trotted out of the car. „Ah think ahm gonna puke.“ Said the one with southern accent. „Hey you small one! Wait a sec! AJ is your sister right?“ he asked her. „Well, yes. Yall‘ need anythin“ she asked him. „Sure. Say that uncle Sammie says hey.“ Suddenly, the rear wheels turned on the dirt again. First, he drove out carefully out of Ponyville, because he did not want to clean blood from the tires again. Then he speeded up to 70 kilometers per hour overtaking any carts on the road and leaving them coated with dust. Canterlot - 15 miles. Suddenly, the road became solid. Then he sped up to 150. Then, behind a moutain he saw the capitol city of Equestria. Canterlot Realities – The best reality management in Equestria for over 15 years. „This’ll do.“ He walked in ignoring the feared sights of snobbish ponies on the street. Noone is inside. He looked at his watch. 15:30. Then at the opening times – Thursday – 13:00 to 20:00 He walked to the counter. *ding* „Hellooo?“ *ding* „Anybody theeerre?“ *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* *ding* „DING A FUCKING LIIIIIIING !“. Then he lost his patience. He jumped over the counter. Under it was a small unicorn hiding, shivering from fear. „Come on, get up. Im not here to eat you, steal you, or try to make a hybrid of yours and my species.“ he said with the most friendly smile he could give. „N-N-N-N-No?“ she small pony asked him. „W-W-What do you want then?“ she asked him. „What could it be?! Im here in a fucking reality agency to get tacos!“ The two royal guards blocked his way with spears. „You two have five seconds to let me pass or things will get bad.“ 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. „As you wish.“ He walked towards the car, and thrusted towards the guards whom suddenly fled from the way, and stopped before making a new hole into the freshly repaired wall. „Hey Tia! I need four million bits.“ he cheered the princess. „Excuse me?“ „Four million bits. Flat.“ he said with a devilish smile. „For what?“ „An abandoned factory in the middle of the desert.“ he said with that ugly smile. „Seriously?“ „Yup. If that wont work, i still got a small nice suburban house in some place called Manehattan for two and a half.“ he said. „Not a chance. First, you destroy my castle and make me to rebuild it for over a billion and now you storm in with that stupid smile and demand money.“ she said. „Fine, just give me a little money. I dont have anything to pay with.“ he changed his tone. „No.“ Celestia looked at him. „Fine, ill go rob some stores and kill some ponies to get it my way...“ Celestia sighed. „How much?“ „Just 50 thousand, i need to rent myself a home and make it pretty.“ he said with a normal expression. „I hate you.“ „Im back!“ he shouted at the small pony behind the pult. „Celestia has her periods, so i have only 50 grand. Anything for that? Just for rent? With running water and electricity?“ he said. „Well... I have here a small house, 2+1k, for 15 thousand for month.“ she said. „Beautiful! Where?“ „Goddamn fucking homoville again.“ he mumbled when he walked out on the street. It was a sunny day, but still not enough to blind him even when he looked directly into the sun. He decided it is time for lunch, and started walking down the street trying to ignore the curious faces of ponies. Then he spotted a shop that interested him. It was a shop selling gardening accesories, plants and seeds. And cannabis was on the list. Same with coca, and tobbaco. „I’m starting to like this place more and more.“ After buying some „entertaiment“, he spotted a shop that took his attention even more. Musical instruments. He walked inside. He sighted a grey surprised pony with black mane and a note as it’s ass tatoo. „Sup, i was just walking by and spotted that you have guitars here?“ he asked the musical pony. „Well, yes. It matters on what guitar are you looking for...“ „Ill take a air guitar, and electric one. Also, i need amplifiers, repro’s, and a record player. Preferably a mixpult and turnables.“ „That is total... 157, 958 bits.“ „Uuuuhm... The castle will pay it. Just sent a request, and her majesty will pay it. I will be here in a second, i need a way to transport it all.“ he ran off, and suddenly he stopped the vehicle near the shop. „Usually, i would tell ponies to stick payments like that down their plot, but you are... different.“ „I know what are you talking about.“ End chapter 3 – I tried to make this chapter bigger, and better. Also, i am actually trying to make his ignorant, arrogant and annoying arguments somehow funny. I am thinking about romance between him and somepony... Dammit that rule 34 images are getting on my mind too much. Comment if you think that i should add more action, or change something or add something or whatever.
Chapter 4 - Finding a little light in the darknessHERE IT IS, FILTHY PIGLETS! Chapter 4 – Finding some light in the darkness „Sooooo you’re having dinner?“ „I invited you here only because our best scientists want to know about your specie- “ „Sooooo you wanna know ´bout me?“ „I have got enough of you, ple-“ „Sooooo where to start? Yeah...“ „Please don-“ „Oh yes i know where! Well, i once dated a girl with a dick“ Several of the important looking ponies changed their expressions. „Here we go...“ said Celestia. „Well, first i didn’t know she had a dick, but then it changed after we went to her place. First, I was disguted.“ „And then happened what?“ asked one of the ponies. „Then i said what the heck, and we did it in the butt.“ Several scientists made disgusted notes. „If yer not gonna eat that, give it to me.“ „You can order food here, Samuel.“ said the ruler. Suddenly, a few waiters rushed near. „Okay, soooo... I’ll have a beef steak, medium rare, with french fries...“ „Your species eat meat?“ asked one of the scientists. „Yeah, we eat everything we can digest, atleast i do. Some sissies are scared of eating meat ´Becaaaaaause animals have a soooul´ and such bullshit.“ „That is so ignorant and discusting!“ said a one female unicorn. „Maybe for you, but nothing is better then grilled beef and cold beer. Give me the menu, i’ll see what is not discusting for you.“ One of the waiters handed him the Menu „FUCK’A‘DUCK!! Why is everything here with fuckin‘ hay?!“ „I knew that it will end like this!“ yeled angrily the alicorn. „Please dont get angry...“ „How can i NOT get angry when somepony complains about the rock music and you take a guitar out of nowhere, climb to the table and start playing as loud as possible?! Buck!“ „It’s fuck.“ „I will say it as I want!“ „You’re so cute when you get angry“ „Stop.“ „Really cute.“ „Very fuckable.“ „Stop. Please.“ „I can imagine your cute little face biting the pillows when i ram my-“ „Shut. Up.“ „Mmmmm...... I hope that you don’t have herpes. Took me four years to get rid of that.“ „How could you think of me having something like that?!“ „Cute little bugger....“ „Stop it!“ „I can see your face turning red right now. You want it, riiiiiiiiiiiight?“ „With you? Never.“ „Why not? I got everything you could want. Money, power, a place to live in, full of natural resources...“ „I have that all too.“ „I’ve got more!“ „Prove it.“ „Lets get to the fucking vortex and i’ll show you!“ „I am never again going to the fiery hell you call hom-“ He suddenly picked up his electric guitar again, and started playing. „Welcome to the junge! We’we got fun and games! We’we got everything you want! Ow do we know the names-“ „Not your stupid monkey songs again...“ „We got the people that can find, whatever you may need. If you got the money, honey, we’we got your disease.“ „Stop!“ „Welcome to the jungle, welcome to the jungle! Watch it bring you to youre kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kna-kneeeeeees! Kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! I want to watch you bleed...“ „Done with your little episode?“ „Yeah. Oh, the place i started living in got accidentaly somehow burned to the ground...“ „Sister! What is the source of thine noises in thine midnight hours-“ „Wazzup?“ „What is a monkey doing inside your private chambers?“ „That is a long stor-“ „Do i look like a fucking monkey to ‘ya? Well, we evolvved from monkeys, but still – I am not a monkey.“ „Well...“ said the blue alicorn. „Give me a second...“ He rushed out on the balcony. „I, will count to 5. Then you will come out or you’re dead.“ „One.“ „Two.“ „Three.“ „Three and a half.“ „Three and three quarters.“ „Foooooour...“ „Okay okay, I’m here.“ Suddenly, a cyan pegasus appeared. „Good. How fast can you run?“ „What?“ „How fast do you run? Does your little peanut head understand that?“ „Oh! I’m the fastest in the whole Equestria!“ „We’ll see about that... I know that you are spying on me for the two horrid day’s i am here. So... Do you have time tommorow morning?“ „For what?“ „For a little competition.“ „What competition?“ „You’ll see...“ „Good morning Dashie, you had probably seen this on my back before.“ „Yeah... Is that the thing that makes lightning and destroys other things?“ „Yes. A 40mm anti material rifle, capable of being used as a machine gun if a ammo belt is attached. Very powerful, tears trough anything you point it at. Bullets are using miniature nuclear bombs instead of black powder, weapon is capable of shooting at range up to seven kilometers, can be remote controlled when on a tripod.“ „Kinda cool, i guess. Why do you have that here for me?“ „To see how fast can you run.“ „Heh, i can show you without that.“ „It’s less fun then.“ He picked up the briefcase up, and opened it. Inside was a laptop, with a little joystick built in, with a big red button labeled „BOOMSTICK.“ He emerged the antenna, connected the cellphone in, and dialed a number. Suddenly, the giant weapon came alive. „Check this out.“ he said. He typed something in, pressed ENTER and the weapon automatticaly pointed at Dashie’s head. „Run.“ „W-W-What?“ „You heard it, run.“ „No!“ „What? You’re scared? The best pony from all over the world is scared of running?“ „I’m not!“ „Then run! If i shoot your brains out at this range, my clothes will get dirty. Blood is a real pain in the ass if you want to clean it.“ „Ah! Hahahahh. I get it now! Nice prank.“ „Ha. Ha. Ha.“ He aimed the weapon on the ground under her, and fired. The deafening thunder made a big hole in the ground, and the dust blinded Rainbow. After a moment of coughing, the dust was gone. „Should i explain it to you once again? Ten seconds, then i start shooting. Run!“ Rainbow Dash started running the two miles towards the forest. Then, he removed the five round magazine, unlocked a hole for the ammo belt. „Hmmmm... Armor piercing... Useless. Incideary? Nah... Explosive rounds? Hmmh...“ He walked towards the trunk of the car, picked up the box, and placed it to the left side of the gun. He opened the box, and loaded the 2000 round ammo belt. Rainbow Dash stopped running. It was over thirty seconds now. „All talk but nothing. Lame.“ Suddenly, the ground two meters from her exploded. Then she heard the roar again. She started running towards the forest again. Only a half now, she thought. The ground exploded again. And again. Then the hell started. Everywhere was chaos, pieces of dirt and rocks flying around. „AOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! PIECES OF HELL FOR SALE, AT 750 ROUNDS PER MINUTE!!“ Then he stopped firing. The barrel was completely red now. He pressed the icy blue button. Suddenly, a long burst of fire erupted from the right side of the weapon. The cooling system worked perfectly as always. Rainbow dash was in the forest already. She heard yelling. „You alright?“ Suddenly, Samuel appeared with one of his sadistic smiles. „That... Was... AWESOME!“ she bursted out. „We’ll work together well, if you wont spy on me anymore. Come on, i’ll lift you home.“ „You’re not coming in?“ she asked. „Nah Skittles, i have some little fun plans.“ „Yeah? I’m coming too!“ „No you’re not!“ „Why not?“ „It’s personal.“ He sneaked in fairly easily, all his weapons packed and armour on. She was sitting on the big sofa, slurping tea and reading newspaper. He crept up right behind her, unstrapped his gloves and helmet. Then all the weapons on the floor behind the sofa. He waited a moment for her to put the tea on the table, and then he jumped on her. „Surpriiiiiise!“ he yelled, and before she could scream he was sitting on the sofa and herself lying on his lap. „What are you- NO NOT THIS! IT IS WORSE THEN TORTURE!!!“ she screamed. „I’ve ran trough your medical records.“ „No no please stop-“ „I know every single thing about you.“ he said with his trademark smile. „Pricess is everything alright“ suddenly a guard rushed in. „No it’s no-“ she suddenly squaked. „She’s alright! Look how happy she is.“ he interrupted. „I’m no-“ Celestia tried to speak, but suddenly erupted in laughter again. „How can this be bad? Look at her! Now get the fuck out and make me a sandvich.“ It took a few moments and Celestia turned into a little drooling pile of laughter. „Enough tickling?“ Samuel asked. „Yes...“ she answered. „It’s rainy today. Makes me sleepy. *yawn*“ he said, but did not recieve no answer. He looked at her asleep in his hands. „Why is this so goddamn adorable?“ he muttered to himself. He stood up, placed her on the sofa, and covered her with the hooded armoured duster he had on. Then Sam took a seat nearby, and felt asleep. There we go, a little conversational chapter. Sorry for taking so long!
