Shrek was in his outhouse when Donkey came running in. "Shrek, there was a huge explosion that came from the far side of the swamp." Shrek was upset that Donkey interrupted his peace. Shrek kicked open the outhouse door, and stood up. Diarrhea was still trickling down his leg onto his pants. Shrek kicked off his pants into the general direction of Donkey, this was but a distraction! When Donkey looked at his shit stained pants flop to the ground Shrek made his move, he drew his Intervention from his back and quickscoped Donkey to death. There Shrek stood, watching his friend slowly bleed onto the swamp's floor. "You cheeky scrub, I told you that I would rekk you if you disturbed my shit house!" Fiona came running from the house in a panic. "Shrek I heard a loud explosion from the far side of the swamp and then I heard gunfire, what happened?" Shrek could only watch her make her way towards him, he was paralyzed from his thirst for dew. Fiona came to a abrupt stop when she noticed that Shrek stood naked, covered in shit above Donkey's limp corpse. "Shrek?" Fiona asked, but with no answer. She immediately realized what was happening, Shrek was disturbed by Donkey while defecating, Shrek's anger was made even worse by Shrek's obvious thirst for dew. Shrek was now really thirsting for dew. Fiona knew it was too late for oral administration of dew, she needed an IV drip stat. She ran hastily into the house to find the dew drip. Minutes later she returned to find Shrek laying on the ground, dead. "No, Shrek!" She yelled as she rushed to his side, it was too late. The shit covered Shrek fell apon Donkey to never stand again, his Intervention beside him. Fiona walked inside to get Shrek's fedora for a proper burial. Minutes later she emerged from the house crying, wielding a shit stained fedora. She threw it apon his face and then proceeded to drop her skirt. She turned around and released a titanic amount a feces onto the fallen ogre and donkey. Blood started to mix with the feces, eventually Fiona prolapsed all of her large intestines out onto the heaping pile of shit. Shortly after she died too, as with the way of ogre burial rituals. As if by magic, the seed of an onion slowly drifted onto the pile of shit. There it would be nourished and eventually grow into a beautiful onion flower ball. This is what Shrek would've wanted.
