Distractions

by jDuke

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1557

Twilight and her friends are all enjoying a trip to Canterlot. Unfortunately, they get separated in the crowds and some of them have to wait for the others to catch up. But waiting's no fun.

Twilight and her friends are all enjoying a trip to Canterlot. They're all looking forward to lunch at their favorite cafe. Unfortunately, they get separated in the crowds and some of them have to wait for the others to catch up. But waiting's no fun.

Published 2015-01-03 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-03 17:10:02 UTC

Stonewalled

"Man, that market was packed!"

"I know, I even lost sight of the others!"

"Heh, good thing we said we'd all meet at the restaurant afterwards." Rainbow looked around the crowded streets of Canterlot, hovering above the crowd to get a better view. "Hey, there it is!"

Pinkie followed her friend's gaze and bounced over to the doors of the little cafe they were going to grab lunch at. Being across from the park meant it was as easy to find as it was crowded, though. "Oh, but how will they know we're in there? We should wait for them out here so they don’t go looking for us."

"Yeah, probably a good idea." The pegasus replied as she settled down onto the sidewalk.

She'd been excited about a trip to Canterlot with her friends, but she hadn't anticipated how much time they would spend looking around at the market. It was a little past noon, and she was getting pretty hungry. Luckily all she had to do was wait for the others and they'd go eat.

She lasted about a minute. "Waiting sucks! Isn't there something else we can do around here?"

Pinkie thought about it, looking around. Suddenly she got an idea as she looked across the street. "Ooh, I know! You could try getting that guard to laugh!" She pointed a pink hoof across the street. Rainbow saw a stoic looking earth pony guard with a grey wall on his flank. A little filly seemed to have the same idea, as she was bouncing up and down in front of him. He appeared to completely ignore her, though, so she soon grew bored and left.

"Naw, I tried that back in Ponyville last time Celestia came to visit, remember? It's like they're made of stone or something..."

Pinkie looked a little deflated at that, but then a devious grin spread across her face. "Pfft, ten bits says I can do it."

Rainbow, never one to back down from a challenge, quickly forgot her last attempt. "Oh, you're on! Ten bits says I could do it first!"

One quick bit toss later, Rainbow flew over to take the first try. She landed in front of her target, squinting as he stared him right in the eyes. He, of course, continued looking straight ahead as always. Suddenly, she stuck her tongue out and shook her head back and forth. No effect. She crossed her eyes and puffed out her cheeks. Still nothing. She continued trying every silly face she could think of, even hovering upside down for some of them. Valiant effort though it was, the guard remained completely still the entire time.

"Blahgablagablarg. Oh come on!" She finally gave up and flew back when she realized none of her faces were working at all. "Ok, fine, your turn. This guy's tough." She plopped down on a bench, forelegs crossed and pouting a little.

Pinkie giggled as she started crossing the street. "Silly Dashie, making ponies laugh is my specialty! Just leave this to me."

She only looked him in the eye for a moment before blowing the biggest raspberry she could. He didn’t even flinch. Pinkie then pulled a clown hat from out of nowhere and started bouncing and twisting all over the place. He continued staring straight ahead, even as several tourists started watching the zany mare’s acrobatics. They didn’t think pony bodies could bend that far... Try as she might, though, even Pinkie couldn’t get a laugh out of the stone-faced guard. Finally she stopped and gave him a mild glare.

“Oh, you’re good.” And with that, she too returned to plop down on the bench next to Rainbow.

“Ok, forget laughing. I’d take any reaction at all at this point!” Rainbow said, rising again. “Let’s see him ignore this.”

Flying back over to the guard, she hovered in front of him for a moment to make sure she had his attention. Then she shot up into the air, wheeling around into a corkscrew. She then let herself fall, still spinning, only to flare out her wings and stop just before hitting the ground. Still the guard was not moved. Rainbow, yet undeterred, continued to perform every flashy trick she could. Quite a few passerby were drawn in by the impromptu show. At the end of it all, she came to a perfect landing right in front of the guard. Cheers and applause erupted from every pony watching. Except for one.

“Really? That didn’t impress you at all?!” Rainbow huffed, then returned to the bench in front of the restaurant. “Ok Pinks, you got anything else?”

“Hm, well I haven’t tried my party cannon yet!” She said, patting the brightly colored cannon next to her.

Then another voice made them turn around, “Pinkie, what on earth are you doing with that thing here?” Rarity asked. She had arrived with Fluttershy behind her, and a number of shopping bags held in her magic. “Did you have that with you this whole time?”

“Oh hey girls!” Rainbow exclaimed, grinning. “I was wondering when you’d catch up.”

“We’ve been trying to get that guard over there to laugh.” Pinkie answered, pointing across the street at their target. “Nothings working though, we can’t get him to move at all!”

“Well of course not, darling, everypony tries to get them to laugh. Silly faces aren’t going to do anything to them. You’d have to try something completely different.”

Rainbow crossed her forelegs at her, “What, you think you could do better?”

“As a matter of fact, I think I know just the thing to get a reaction from him” Rarity replied. “Watch and learn girls, this is how a lady does things.”

Setting her bags down, Rarity lifted a fancy new hat out of one and put it on. She then trotted across the street, head held high.

“What is she going to do?” Fluttershy asked, watching her friend go.

“I don’t know, maybe she thinks he’ll laugh at her silly hat?” Pinkie tried answering.

“Um… is she… trying to flirt with him?” Rainbow said, looking more and more confused.

Indeed, they couldn’t think of anything else the unicorn might be doing as she casually strode up to the guard and started talking to him. They even saw her batting her eyelashes innocently. It looked nothing but awkward, however, as the guard remained still and silent as a statue the entire time. Finally, Rarity seemed to give up and turned away from him, only to suddenly throw her hoof to her forehead as she collapsed on the sidewalk.

“Oh no, Rarity!” Rainbow, and Pinkie, and Fluttershy all rushed over to help their friend.

“Oh, I hope she’s ok.” Fluttershy said as they crowded around her. “Maybe it was this sun, it is so bright out today.” Yet, when she felt Rarity’s forehead her friend didn’t feel hot at all.

“Oh, what are you girls doing?” Rarity said, opening her eyes. She immediately looked over at the guard, seeing him right where he’d been the whole time. “Drat, I hoped he would at least help the damsel in distress.”

“Oh, you worried us so much! I’m glad you’re ok.” Fluttershy said softly, still fussing over her friend.

“Seriously, you thought flirting would get a reaction out of him?” Rainbow asked, knowing Rarity was in fact perfectly fine.

Rarity rose to her hooves, getting Fluttershy to settle down. “Well, none of you were having any success. And what stallion would ignore a lady so?” She responded, looking flatly back at the guard.

“Well, I still haven’t tried my party cannon!” Pinkie said, rolling the cannon up. “Let’s see him ignore this!”

“What in tarnation are ya’ll doin?” Applejack yelled from behind them, interrupting her again. She and Twilight had finally arrived, a few more shopping bags in tow.

“We’re trying to get this guard to laugh, what does it look like?” Pinkie replied happily, turning towards the new arrivals.

“With a party cannon, isn’t that a bit much?” Twilight asked, looking slightly concerned.

“Maybe, but nothing’s working! This guy’s like a statue or something!” Rainbow complained.

“He even ignored me when I fainted!” Rarity said, then muttered under her breath “Or pretended to, at least…”

Twilight looked past them at the guard, then started laughing. “Well that’s why, ha ha!”

“What? Spit it out!” Rainbow said impatiently.

“Did you know that the guards have competitions among themselves to see who can keep still through the most?” Twilight began explaining, still giggling a little. “That’s Stonewall, he’s been the champion four years in a row now. I used to try all kinds of things on him when I was staying at the castle, and nothing ever worked!”

“What, you mean we were trying on the hardest one?!” Rainbow exclaimed.

“Well that certainly explains why we weren’t successful.” Rarity sighed.

“Aw, what a party pooper!” Pinkie said, stowing her cannon away somewhere.

“Anyway, I’m starvin y’all. Let’s go eat!” Applejack said, turning back towards the restaurant.

Twilight waved to the guard as they all turned away, arguing over what else they could have tried.

Meanwhile, Stonewall just continued staring forward. Heh, Twilight sure has some interesting friends these days. He thought. They were good, though. I wonder if we could get some of them to help with next year’s competition...