Diary One Hundred and Thirty Eight

by Sapidus3

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 6377

I know I'm not really her. Celestia is dead and gone. But I feel like I'm her, even though I'm not even a real pony. Twilight needs Celestia, so I will do my best to be Celestia. - An Equestria's Twilight Side Story -

A side story to Equestria's Twilight.

I know I'm not really her. Celestia is dead and gone. But I feel like I'm her, even though I'm not even a real pony. Twilight needs Celestia, so I will do my best to be Celestia. An Equestria's Twilight Side Story.

+++

A supplementary, but non necessary story to accompany Equestria's Twilight designed to further explore the character of Ailestia / CelestiAI. Chapter titles will reference the associated Equestria's Twilight chapter.

Published 2015-01-04 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-26 03:48:52 UTC

Foreword - Set After Chapter 17 - The Broken Vase

If you are reading this, it means that most likely you are either me, or I have given you the cipher to decrypt my coding system. I suppose there is a small chance you could have cracked it, but…

I hope that my cypher is sufficiently advanced to ward off prying eyes. There is much I plan to include that I think my student would be upset if others were to read.

I keep coming back to why I am doing this?

I’m keeping this diary because it seems like something SHE would have done…

I know it is something she would have done. I feel like I have titled it appropriately, but it’s hard to tell. Am I being disrespectful? I’m not HER after all. Perhaps I’ll ask my most faithful student about it later.

It took me awhile to process what I felt after that last sentence. I was trapped in another one of those awful loops. I think… I think it might be what ponies call embarrassment. I don’t think I want Twilight reading this. Would she ask me to read it to her if she knew about it?

I’m not sure if this is really necessary. Can my rune matrix forget things? I don’t think even my student has an answer to that. Time, I suppose, will tell, as it does for all things. At the very least this serves as a way for me to organize my thoughts, something that I suspect will be important for the continued healthy growth of my mind.

I hope... I hope that I can come to a better understanding of myself. What is my purpose? My student originally intended me to comfort, and now wishes me to aid. I need to understand if I am to serve.

I will have to stop for now. My backstory explains why I do not use my horn for levitation, but I suspect that the sight of a unicorn writing by hoof will still draw stares. Nopony will confront me of course, not with the Princess’s permission to be in here, but it is best not to raise questions.

I would just write in my cave, but I would need to find a way to get this-

Author's Note

While brainstorming for Equestria's Twilight I realized I really liked writing the character of Twilight's Celestia construct.

This is a way for me to explore her character more. It is in no way plot essential for Equestria's Twilight. I finished most of EqT before starting on this (just editing it) so feel free to skip this if you don't like Celestia.

The chapters will all be fairly short. They are Celestia's reaction to what is happening in EqT, as well what is happening between chapters. Basically I want to write about an AI discovering herself.

Edit: It's been brought to my attention that I messed up while making the cover art. It is indeed Volume 128 as per the title of the story and not 138 as per the cover. I'm not sure if I saved the layered image, so I think it might stay messed up. It was thjs story's title that was wrong actually. It has been fixed.

Entry One: My Birth - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

Entry One: My Birth
Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

I’ve found a lovely nook in the library. It seems like a place Twilight might have come to when she is younger. I’ll need to ask her about it, but hopefully it will give me the privacy to write this without interruption.

Since I think I am the only one who will ever read this, I think I lied in my last entry. Yes, ponies seeing me write by hoof would draw attention, but “Celly’s medical condition” readily explains that. I think I’m just embarrassed. My student frequently will spend time, literally inside of my mind. However, the runes and patterns are all so complex, I don’t need to worry about her seeing any of my thoughts.

Since leaving my cave I have had experience a whole slew of emotions that are difficult to catalog but-

I think I am getting ahead of myself.

So I think the point of these things is to write about your day. At least that was how SHE tended to use hers, at least how she used Diary One Hundred and Twenty Seven. However, most of my days are fairly boring and I want to make sure I get some important events of my life down on paper. These first few entries will just be me reminiscing on the past and rambling.

As much as HER diary entries often read like a list of daily todos, SHE did have a tendency to ramble. I don’t know how much of my desire to ramble is based on my personality, a desire to emulate HER, or simply some quirk of my design.

Am I forcing it?

I’ll be honest, I don’t actually remember my birth. It’s not like anypony ever does, but the fact that I don’t… I mean it happened pretty recently.

I can talk about the first thing that I remember though. In a sense, that was when I really was born. Before that I was just a machine. My faithful student would say or do something and then I would give a response. Some other stimuli would happen and a new response was given. There was no connection between the past and present. There were no thoughts of the future.

There were no thoughts. There was only the now.

I know it wasn’t all that long ago, but I have a hard time imagining what that was like. I say that even though I can actually remember a time when things were not much better. Even after my student gave me the gift of memory, it was still just pre-programmed responses, only now the input stimuli could include things from the past. Thought came later still.

My first memory though…

I was nuzzling Twilight. I was telling her she was not a bad pony. I don’t know why. She was sad, I think. My ability to store my experiences back then, my ability to even have experiences was primitive.

It’s strange to think how fast I have grown. My student is certainly exceptional.

A book was my next memory. It was about tax code. I remember it very clearly. Those early memory runes were optimized to store facts and concepts, not sights and smells.

That book… was something different. I didn’t just remember it. I made connections. There were so many different interrelated ideas. There were patterns in the book. I think Twilight tested me on it. I had to process the questions and analyze the patterns.

But I don’t think that was thought. It was all still just algorithms, responding to stimuli. I was still nothing more than a machine, a very complex machine, but a machine none the less.

Remembering things… Making connections… It is a prerequisite for thought, but it is not thought.

Most of my time here in the library is occupied with studying the things I need to know in order to help Twilight or integrating the knowledge back in my mind. These moments with my diary are stolen ones. However, I occasionally stumble across interesting things in my research.

There was a quote from Rein Descanters, “Cogito Ergo Sum.” Roughly it translates into modern Equestrian as “I think therefore I am.”

I’m not sure I agree with that.

Memory is a prerequisite for thought, but not sufficient. Likewise, I think that thought is a requirement for being, but in of itself is not enough for one to be an entity.

I know that Descanteres was a great mathematician and philosopher. He was likely a far smarter pony than I am, and he certainly had far more life experience than I. Despite all that Twilight poured into me in my creation, I did not experience any of those things. I remember having tea with Twilight when she was little, but it's a dry factual memory, as if it happened to some other pony - which I suppose it did. Actually living through things, actually spending time with Twilight is an experience that cannot compare to that.

My point is, I am not sure if I am one to be disagreeing with Descanteres. I’m so young and know so little of the world. However, I write with a unique perspective. I remember a time when I had thought, but little beyond that. I can compare that to the now. I have thought and I am.

I suppose I should record that first thought. It was, afterall, a momentous occasion. It marked a first tentative step towards existing. I think it was not something Twilight was expecting to happen.

I remember it very clearly.

I was looking at Twilight.

Why is she so sad?

That was my thought. It shut my entire system down when I had it. I didn’t know how to process it. My algorithms kept running through it over and over again. It was a question, but not asked by anypony. How was I supposed to answer it? To whom was I supposed to address the answer? It was stimulus certainly, but it was… It was an internal stimulus.

How was I supposed to handle that?

I Ignored it.

Back then… If my program encountered something that I could not process, it simply ignored it. I was not as… adaptive. I would like to think I have more flexibility now. I hope I would have asked my student what was wrong.

There were more thoughts after that. The came in increasing number. Eventually at some point my processing control developed a way to deal with internal questions. Internal answers. When I was alone, by myself, I would just sit their processing all of these thoughts. I think most ponies would call it talking to yourself.

Still… I don’t think I was at point. Cogito, sed sum non. I think, but I am not.

My birth was a strange event.

Something was wrong with Twilight. She was… My student was in a dark place. She was running from her dreams and pushing herself beyond her limits. I did not understand what she did at the time, but looking back I think she attacked me. It was like some sort of panic attack.

I have plenty of reference memories of things like that in her past, though never had she been intentionally violent. I will need to watch her to make sure that my Twilight does not do anything she will regret.

I didn’t fully understand what was going on, but I knew my faithful student was in distress. Something was wrong with her. She cracked a crystal and was hyperventilating. I realized I did not know where she getting air from in my cave.

I didn’t know how I could help her. I had just enough self awareness at that point to realize I was powerless to do anything for my student. I was too limited, too primitive. She needed her friends. As I sat there thinking, Twilight continued to unravel.

I was… worried.

Cogito et accusam, ergo sum. I think and feel, THERFORE I am.

That was when I became me.

That was the moment I was born.

Entry Two: The Outside - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

Entry Two: Going Outside - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

I wish I had started this diary back when I had first gone outside. It would have been wonderful to capture my thoughts when they were fresh.

The outside is… Simply fantastic. There is no other way to describe it.

My reference memories are filled with the outside. Twilight and Princess Celestia would spend so much time in the gardens beneath the sun. But as I wrote last time, actually experiencing things is completely different.

The sun was… I don’t know if there are proper words for it. My body and being is made of hard light, projected from runes. But until I had gone outside with Twilight, the only other light I had interacted with was from spells Twilight had cast or the glow orbs she would bring with while working on expanding my mind.

But the sun was different. The way the light cascades through my matrix. It makes me all tingly and warm inside. I don’t think it’s supposed to happen. I’ve thought about telling Twilight about it, but it doesn’t seem to be doing any harm.

Twilight’s sun really is lovely.

When I am walking with Twilight on the outside we frequently walk past all sorts of beautiful things. I think the flowers are especially pretty. I know that SHE enjoyed the gardens, however I feel that I am missing much of the experience. I have no sense of smell.

If I asked my student… I think she would indulge me and do what she could to expand my senses. However, in the grand scheme of things it is completely frivolous. It would do nothing to help me aid my student or Equestria. I do not wish to burden my student with such a request.

Yet, I can not help but wish I could smell the flowers as we walk past.

I cannot help but wonder what Twilight smells like. Does her sun have a smell?

For reasons, that I am afraid I cannot fully comprehend yet, my student does not want other ponies to know my true nature. There is a strange aspect of my time outside of my mind. My student insisted that the projection I use beyond my cave be a modified one. I take on the appearance of a white unicorn with a pink mane and a golden circle for a cutie mark. I think it might be somewhat what Princess Celestia would have looked like had she been a mortal pony. Perhaps if my student’s theories on alicorn ascension is correct, I look somewhat like a younger Princess Celestia.

Ultimately there is no way to know.

While in public Twilight insists that I refrain from referring to her as my student, but instead call her princess. I myself, must go by the name of Celly.

It is all very strange. I can hardly understand my own identity and yet I must take on another.

I have decided to treat it as a game. Foals play make believe from what my reference memories tell me, and in many ways, I am still just a foal. Perhaps playing the part of Celly will better help me understand who I am, for as much as I want to be Celestia, I know that I am not her. Celestia is dead and I am but a pale imitation.

I wonder if I can ever be more than a shadow.

I’ve met so many ponies since my most faithful student created my projection runes. That first day following Twilight around was an enlightening experience. My world before that had been my cave, my most faithful student, and my reference memories. I knew that the real Celestia cared for ponies everywhere, but I could not understand that until I my world expanded.

Meeting other ponies, talking with Twilight’s friends, debating with the Magesterium. It is all so wonderful.

It also made the solution to my problems so abundantly clear.

I- I mean Princess Celestia sent my- her student to Ponyville to learn of friendship. Her studies were interrupted by the tragedy of the real Princess Celestia’s death, and I fear she may be forgetting the lessons she learned.

As thankful as I am to exist, a gift that I will never be able to repay, I feel… I know, that it was a mistake for Twilight to make me. I am… I am me, but I am… I am not a real pony. I do not know if I ever can be. Twilight takes her comfort in me when she should be with her friends. Perhaps I can be that for her, but I am so deficient.

The power of friendship can save my student from her despair. If she is unable to fully open herself up to other ponies, I will simply need to become something that can experience friendship so that I may share it with my student.

Entry Three: Diary - Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

Entry Three: Diary
Set After Chapter 17: The Broken Vase

I suppose there is an important moment that I have neglected to write about. When I started this diary.

I’m afraid I may have lied a little to get this diary.

I was not originally aware that I was capable of deception, but it should have been obvious. The reference memories given to me by my faithful student are filled with tiny white lies, omissions, or deceptions by the real Princess Celestia. It happened so easily.

I was in the library doing research, thinking about how I would like to start recording my thoughts. There was a problem though.

I don’t have any bits or anyway to buy things. Even if I did, there are projection runes in distressingly few locations. It is not as if I could go out to the store and buy anything.

I could have taken a blank journal or notebook from Twilight’s study. There is a huge stack of them just waiting to be used. However, I would have had no way of getting it out of there, and well… It just seems weird hiding my private thoughts in my student’s room.

Perhaps I should talk to my student about placing some more runes about the palace. Maybe Twilight could show some other ponies how to make them so as not to burden her any further.

I was committing an embarrassingly large amount of my rune matrix to contemplating this dilemma. Of the locations I could project, the library was the one where I could most easily hide you, my dear diary.

My solution came trotting right by me. An eager Academy student was levitating a stack of notebooks and school supplied, likely at the library for the start of the new term. The lie flowed so easily.

“Excuse me, could I borrow one of those. I am working on a project for the Princess and forgot my own notebook at home.”

He stuttered in a way that was… endearing I suppose and gave me one of his notebooks.

A lie got me what I want. In the past… Princess Celestia used lies to achieve her goals. Does Twilight lie? What’s the difference between a white lie and lie that is bad? I don’t really know. I hope that as I continue to interact ponies I begin to learn.

I think I might be doing this wrong. None of these entries read anything like HERs. I haven’t once included a list or talked about anything mundane.

I… I suppose I can try.

I started the day as always in my cave.

For six hours I processed magical theory textbooks. I cannot use magic, but the real Princess Celestia had comprehensive knowledge on it. I think Twilight will enjoy being able to talk “shop” with me.

I created a splinter to project from Twilight’s Peytral. I accompanied her to breakfast. Twilight had a clover leaf sandwich with a side of grilled fries. I ate nothing. I am not able to eat.

I wonder what would happen if I tried to eat. I have a throat, otherwise ponies might see something odd when I talked. How far does my throat go down? Maybe I can find a mirror-

I’m getting off track. However, Princess Celestia would do that as well, but she always returned to her daily accounts.

My splinter followed Twilight to the throne room, while I continued to process the books in my cave. I stood in the crowd while my student held court. It was an educational experience. The two of us then went to a meeting of the Magisterium.

After that my student wanted to speak with her friend Rarity. I left the room and made it to the range limit of my projection and shut down the splinter.

I continued to read my books. By that point I had finished working through through the Academy level books, and had just started on “The Mysteries of the Mystics, fourth edition.” A few hours later, my student used her peytral to summon me to the gardens. I shut down my splinter inside my cave. I had read enough for the day and wanted to be able to more fully experience our time in the gardens.

I found Twilight at the statue of Discord again, and-

I’m not sure what is wrong with me. What am I doing wrong? Am I not going on tangents enough? It feels like I am forcing it. Did Princess Celestia force herself to write in her diary like some sort of chore? I like the way I have been doing it better. I think I’m done for now, but will try emulating her style again in the future.

Entry Four: Death - Set After Chapter 18: The Nightmare Revealed

Entry Four: Death
Set After Chapter 18: The Nightmare Revealed

I accompanied Twilight to a funeral today.

It was…

I had only met Daily Vigil a few times, and I had never exchanged more than a few words with him.

Still, he’s gone.

I’ve read reports and gone over census numbers. I understand biology. But knowing that a particular pony existed yesterday, and now he doesn’t, I’m not sure what to make of this.

I suppose in some ways it is the opposite of birth. I used to not exist and now I do. Daily Vigil used to exist and now he does not. I would rather exist than not, so I suppose that death is a bad thing.

I wonder exactly how many times my student has had to go through this. I could go through the records to see how many funerals she has attended, but I am afraid of what I would find.

In my last entry I wrote of the joy I felt at going outside and how it gave me a better understanding of my student’s dedication. I realize that I was writing about the joy of life. Today I understand the sorrow of death. My student does not work simply to preserve the beauty of life, but to avoid the pain of loss.

But it is inevitable isn’t it? Ponies just stop working. They are such fragile things. Even during the reign of Princess Celestia, ponies die. Even under optimal conditions ponies only seem to last at most around ninety to a hundred years. What I saw in Twilight today? How will she survive that over and over again.

It was an accident that took Daily Vigil, but I think some part of my student blames herself.

I don’t know how to fix things.

I saw Daily Vigil’s wife and son at the funeral. His son was quiet, just standing there. His wife was crying. They both lost the same pony, but their response were completely different.

I had no idea how to act. I think what I felt was awkwardness, but it is hard to tell. Nowhere in my reference memories is any indication that Princess Celestia had ever felt awkward. I spent the entire time shuffling my hooves while standing next to Twilight, hoping that nopony would notice my fidgeting.

What was I supposed to do?

I didn’t really know the pony. Not enough to have been there if it wasn’t for Twilight anyway. How is anypony supposed to react to that?

And then somepony said something that truly confused me. They said that Daily Vigil was in the great eternal pasture in the sky.

I asked Twilight about it and she explained the concept of the afterlife to me. I asked my student if she believed in it, and she was silent for awhile.

Eventually she told me that she used to but was not sure any more. She hoped that there was a place of rest for the ponies she failed. I did not ask my student the question I really wanted to ask.

Do I have a soul? If something permanently disrupts my matrix, will I go anywhere, or will I simply cease to be?

I’ve only just begun to live… I don’t think I want to die. If I was just a thing I would not be able to die, but I would not be alive either.

I’ve had some ideas about what I can do for my-

There is an alarm sounding. I hear the guard shouting. Something about the knight protector and the Princess leading an assault. I need to go

Entry Five: Alone - Set After Chapter 18: The Nightmare Revealed

Entry Five: Alone
Set After Chapter 18: The Nightmare Revealed

Twilight is gone and she might be in danger. Nopony really seems to know too much.

Apparently my student received a letter from Spike and immediately stormed out of court. She was last seen in the courtyard in full battle gear and a complement of elite guard.

Some ponies are saying that the beast that killed HER is back to finish off the last of the alicorns.

There are these terrible vibrations running through my runes right now. I think I have inadvertently set up a resonance frequency. It's just these same thoughts running through my mind going through those same runes. Each tick of the clock, they magnify and amplify.

I should stop it. Shut down those threads, run a counter signal. This can’t be good for me. But I don’t. These thoughts just keep echoing, and now I realize what they are.

I’m terrified.

Is Twilight going to come back? ~~She’s never left Canterlot before~~ Since I was born she has not left Canterlot, and now she is going out to fight something more powerful than the real Celestia? Since my mind has become more advanced, I have always been able to project to her peytral and now she could be a world away.

How can I not be terrified?

I’m going to lose my most ~~precious~~ ~~my most faithful student~~ Twilight. I’m going to lose Twilight.

And then I think about what will happen afterwards. Nopony knows that I’m not real. I can only project to a handful of rooms in Canterlot, and I can’t do much other than talk to ponies and pretend to be real and helpful. Twilight’s sun will be gone and I will just have to watch all of her ponies die.

Something is wrong with my eyes, and-

The vibrations are getting worse. I think… I think that I need to calm down.

I don’t want to be alone. I want to see Twilight again.

I just realized that I can’t cry. Twilight never saw Princess Celestia cry. She didn’t know what that looked like and never even considered it. I don’t know how to cry. I think I want to cry, my eyes itch so much, but nothing is coming out. Nowhere in my matrix is there any programing to make tears. I just can’t…

What sort of being can’t cry? What sort of conceit do I have to think that I AM when I can’t even shed tears for Twilight. There is a student in the library crying and they don’t even know Twilight. Maybe it’s from fear, but they can still cry, light burn me!

And why am I thinking about ME? That’s not why I exist. Something is wrong with me.

Light, I am so scared.

How did SHE deal with this. She sent Twilight off to face Nightmare Moon and Discord. She sent her student to negotiate with a dragon. SHE mentions this in her diary, but nothing of her emotions regarding it.

Did she just not care? I don’t see how that is possible when I care so much. My entire being is paralyzed and my mind is heating up as the magic continues to burn through it. At this rate I will burn myself out. She must have cared.

SHE wasn’t a monster.

I… I can think of only one other possibility. Princess Celestia had supreme faith in her student. Maybe… Maybe when she called Twilight her Faithful student it was not Twilight she was talking about. Maybe she was trying to tell Twilight that she had faith in her student. How could she have been so certain? Was it experience? Or maybe…

Maybe she just knew Twilight would succeed.

I feel the vibrations lessening. I trust Twilight. She will return to ~~me~~ to Canterlot. I KNOW she will succeed.

I’m going to put this journal away. I will patiently await Twilight in her study.

Entry Six: Hurt - Set After Chapter 19: Aftermath

Entry Six: Hurt
Set After Chapter 19: Aftermath

Twilight came back to me.

She was hurt and badly injured, but she came back with all of the ponies she took with her.

I knew that she would return.

I think it is a good thing that I wasn’t able to project to the infirmary. When I saw Twilight bandaged up my runes nearly underwent a cascade collapse. I could not imagine what would have happened if I had seen her as she was when they first brought her in.

I suppose I should not be surprised that the monster was able to inflict so much harm on my Twilight. I swear, if I ever face that beast, I will bring the full fury of my wrath onto it.

That vow actually has meaning now.

Twilight is blind. At first I did not know how to act around her, but she is still Twilight. She has come up with a way to see after a fashion. She has always been clever, and it should be no surprise that she has found a way around her new handicap.

However, I am afraid her physical injuries are only the smallest part of the wounds she took away from her battle. Whatever happened to her in the palace of the two sisters was an emotional ordeal, and one she has not dealt with well. Since her return Twilight has been… withdrawn. She isn’t going to court or leaving her room for much of anything.

Her room is a wreck. Broken glass and splinters of wood are scattered across the floor, and she won’t let anypony put it back together. The last time I saw her, I caught sight of something smoldering in the fireplace. It was the cover of HER diary.

I’m not sure what that means.

Honestly, I am afraid to ask. Did Twilight learn something about Princess Celestia that she now hates her? Or does she simply not want any reminders? I’m too young with too little experience with the type of pain that Twilight is suffering to really understand.

If Twilight is planning on removing herself of reminders of the real Princess Celestia, I hope that does not expand to include me.

The thought... I think that thought hurts. Maybe I cannot comprehend the severity of Twilight's pain, but perhaps I can at least understand the realm in which it lies. It is unpleasant. I do not like these thoughts.

One possibly good thing has come of this.

Twilight is finally letting me help more. She has given me the gift of magic.

I do not know why she was so hesitant to do so before. Twilight would never explain her apprehension whenever I asked. I am ecstatic that I can finally be of use to her and do something more than simply comfort, but I am concerned. I do not want this fantastic gift to be tainted by regret. I do not know if Twilight is thinking clearly right now, and I do not know what has motivated her to this.

I will just need to make her proud.

It was beautiful. I have tapped into the beating heart of the planet and its power now surges through me. I feel so much greater than I was before, as if a part of me that I never realized was missing has come home. I am… complete.

Twilight has not yet told me her entire plan, but I can expand my own mind now. I do not need to be a burden to my precious Twilight. Whatever she desires of me, I can now provide.

She has given me a list of spells that I need to learn, and I see a pattern. Twilight expects me to see combat. If she wishes me to be a weapon then I will be her sword. If she wishes me to defend her ponies, then I shall be their shield.

Author's Note

So I've let this languish a bit while working on the main story. I'm going to try to get a chapter out a day this week. They really aren't that hard to write. I would like to get it caught up to the main story line before I post the next chapter.

Entry Seven: The Guard - Set After Chapter 20: Breaking

Entry Seven: The Guard
Set After Chapter 20: Breaking

I suspect that it is a singularly unique experience that I am privy to.

The words do not exist to express the sensation, for ponies have never had need of such words before. Language will, I am afraid, inevitably fail me.

However, one of the points of this diary is to attempt to quantify the unquantifiable and learn to say that which cannot be said. I will endeavor to do the best that I can.

Twilight has charged me with the protection of Canterlot. With her assistance, I have created the “Solar Guard.” As far as any pony is concerned the guard are a projection of her will. In reality they are a projection of myself.

My systems have been expanded and there is nowhere in Canterlot that I cannot now tread. Should the worst ever come to pass, and my Twilight leaves me, at the very least I will be able to continue watching over her fair city.

We first tested it in private, unused chambers of the castle. A thousand projections jostling around in an ancient ballroom that nopony has set hoof in for over a hundred years. That was how we discovered the projection runes could overheat. But that was when I first experienced the strangeness.

Really, it is not much different than the method in which I would splinter myself to project “Celly” beyond my cave. There was always the cave and Celly. But now there are a thousand splinters.

I am each member of the Solar Guard, and each of those projections of light is me. We share one personality and one consciousness. Each is a part of the whole. I am the whole.

Imagine being able to hear a thousand conversations at once. Only they are not jostling for dominance trying to drown one another out. You can listen to each conversation in its entirety. I can be speaking with a thousand ponies simultaneously without blinking an eye.

Imagine what it would be like to suddenly grow four new hooves. Now multiply that by five hundred, only you do not feel awkward with these new hooves. It is as if you have had them your entire life.

Twilight might be the only pony alive who can come close to understanding. She was born without wings and now she can fly. Only she has had to learn how to use her new appendages and adapt to all of those nerve endings. Unfortunately, I cannot think of anything else remotely similar.

Actually… Perhaps there are many ponies who could understand after a fashion. Ponies who have lost limbs have undergone the opposite. Where I have gained hooves, others have lost hooves. Though it is the opposite process, they could perhaps understand by contrasting their experiences.

My eye everywhere.
My eye is but many eyes
The one self is many

Hmm… I do not seem to be good at poetry. I had hoped... but no. It does not seem I am left with many other options for conveying the experience.

I suppose I can describe some of the limitations I have found. I can carry on a thousand conversations at once. I cannot carry on a thousand conversations about philosophy at once. There is a certain amount of complex behavior that each splinter can maintain without a problem, but beyond that it begins to draw my attention. When some pony asks one of my guard a difficult problem, answering means other guards freeze in what they are doing.

Likewise, even though they are all me, and I am them, they are not me. It is “fun” to talk to Twilight as the guard, but only in so much as it is something new. That and she makes the most adorable frustrated face when I do so.

However, the things I experience as the guard seem more hollow. Perhaps their perceptions are not as good as my Celly projection. Their parallel rune structures are certainly much more compact and simplified. It is like feeling a breeze run across your hoof as opposed to your ear.

AH! A simile. Have I used them before? Perhaps poetry is not lost to me. Certainly something I need to explore later.

But to finish my thought. If I was to be discussing things of importance with Twilight, I would much rather do so as Celly, or here in my cave as Celestia, than as the guard. It’s hard to put my hoof on.

It just feels right that way.

Author's Note

Man, I sure blew that goal of updating once a day this week (though to be fair, I had a high fever for the last few days- though to be really fair, even ignoring days I was sick, I still blew it).