Teddy Maid

by silver-quill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1621

Who doesn't need a hug now and then?

Celestia is unhappy, and who better than her sister to help with her woes? But when Luna is woefully unable to do so, and booze is added into the equation, the mess is left to the young maid who wanders in.
It's not as smutty as it sounds. In fact, it's not smutty at all.

Published 2012-05-02 04:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-04 04:07:41 UTC

Chapter 1

Celestia was sulking, and the castle was in full-on panic mode. Well, ninety-nine percent of the castle was panicking, the exception being Luna, who had endured too many of her sister’s tantrums to really take notice of a little grouchiness. This certainly didn’t compare with the time her sister had burned down half the tapestries in Canterlot Castle, or the time she’d set fire to the railroad tracks, or the time she’d torched that ugly painting in the Grand Hall—

Hmm. Perhaps confronting her sister wasn’t a terrible idea, Luna mused, seeing as lately Celestia had been sending many a glare at Luna’s favorite pillow and she really didn’t want to see it go up in flames.

Taking a deep breath, the lunar princess summoned up her shadow magic, using it to slip herself under the door to her sister’s Solar Chamber. This was where, once a day like clockwork, Celestia would come to raise the sun at dawn. However, that didn’t mean there wasn’t many a useful shadow for Luna to lurk in as she observed her pouting sibling.

The sibling in question was currently lying in a very melodramatic fashion, sprawled across the floor with her head thrown back. Luna rolled her eyes and, dropping the cloak of shadows, nudged her sister with one hoof.

Celestia’s head shot up, but she lowered it just as quickly upon catching sight of the unimpressed alicorn. She immediately regretted the action as her head hit the floor with a resounding smack that made even Luna wince.

“Sister, you are worrying the staff. You have been locked up here since the wedding finished and it is time to leave. You are a mess.”

Indeed, Celestia’s usually unequaled mane was a multicolored jumble of individual hairs, as opposed to its usual unified self. Her eyes were ringed with unrest, and her white coat was stained from the dusty stone floor. She was, to put it kindly, gross.

Celestia pointedly ignored her sister. Maybe if she did, the younger alicorn would leave her alone to mope and contemplate her own pathetic, lonely existence in the overly dramatic way she enjoyed.

Then again, what was the point of drama without an audience?

Luna nudged her sister with more force, her irritation mounting. Every time there was a wedding, or a party, or anything remotely social, the elder princess locked herself up for days on end—

“Wait. This is not… about the wedding, is it?” Luna demanded, wondering how on earth she could be related to such a drama queen—well, princess.

Celestia rolled over so her back was facing her sister, radiating stubbornness from her very pores. None of your beeswax.

Luna exhaled in as controlled a manner as she could muster before lowering herself to the stone floor and pressing her side against her sister. Said sister, unused to the display of affection and compassion, rolled back over so lavender eyes could meet emerald. The paler eyes widened and embarrassed tears grew in the corners as Luna gazed meaningfully at her sister.

“It might be,” Celestia mumbled into her sister’s side, mortified and her cheeks an interesting shade of pink.

Luna waited for elaboration.

It did not come.

Frustration now at its limit, the younger alicorn forced her sister to look at her, administering the closest thing to The Stare she was capable of without turning into a yellow pegasus.

Celestia blinked, but maintained her aloof perfection, which she’d had roughly three thousand years to perfect. It wasn’t about to crumble under the silly technique of a rabbit in pony’s clothes—“I’m sick of being alone!”

Luna raised one eyebrow at her sister’s outburst and made a mental note to thank Fluttershy for the lessons.

It pained her to see her sister in such a state, but not enough for her to be...

You know. Mushy.

So instead of sitting down and utilizing three hundred years of studying psychology, Luna preferred to drown her sister's problems in junk food and soda.

The Princess of the Night made her way down the spiral staircase in the usual fashion: by folding her wings at her sides and plunging down through the tower, paying no mind to the stairs.

Stairs were for ponies without wings. Luna had wings, and seconds before hitting the ground, she opened said wings and floated to a landing before trotting off in the direction of the royal kitchens. Being nocturnal made it quite easy for her to sneak snacks from the pantry without Cookie Cream, the royal chef, noticing.

Ninja time.

Conjuring a cloak of pure shadows, she draped herself in darkness and crept silently towards the cupboard, holding her breath. In the middle of the kitchen, Cookie Cream, a rather pudgy earth mare, was putting the leftover wedding cake in the freezer.

Just a little closer...

Success! Luna magicked the cupboard open and wrapped her aura around a bottle of soda and some cheese crunches before darting out of the room, leaving the royal chef to her duties.

Giggling madly to herself, the lunar mare flew through the darkened castle with her bounty levitating beside her, delight flooding her as she prepared for another night of good old-fashioned video games and junk food.

But upon arriving in her chambers, the princess was less-than-pleased to find that what she had assumed to be soda was in fact distilled liquor.

Disappointment flooding her, Luna reluctantly took a tiny sip of rum.

DISGUSTING.

But as the mind-blowingly vile taste and distinctly burny feeling subsided, she found herself feeling...

Buzzed.

Maybe being out of soda pop wasn't so bad after all.

Annette, a particularly young and pretty pegasus mare who had only recently come to work at Canterlot Castle, was unhappy. She’d been up all night, waiting for Princess Celestia to leave the Solar Chamber so she could clean it, but neither sister had appeared since Luna had entered the place the solar alicorn’s self-exile, loaded down with snacks and drinks.

Impatience clouding her already questionable late-night judgement, Annette set out for the Solar Chamber, which was at the top of Celestia’s tower. She was going to clean, whether those girls liked it or not. She needed her pay if she wanted to keep her apartment in the city, and she wasn’t about to lose it.

Ascending the steps of the ivory tower, a distinct smell met the young mare’s nose.

That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smelled… smelly.

Anchovies.

Wait, what? No, it was the smell of pure, hard, liquor.

Following her nose, Annette found herself at the door to the very chamber she’d set out to clean, but the acrid scent of booze was overpowering. Holding a hoof over her sensitive nose, the pegasus shoved the door open and found:

Two drunk princesses, one crying, the other distinctly irritated.

Annette gasped, and fully intending to turn tail and run, she allowed her cleaning supplies to clatter to the stone floor. However, Luna turned around, her eyes falling on the pegasus, and silently used her magic to levitate the poor girl over to her sister.

“Look, Sluhlessia. Annie came here to see if you were okay. You are not alone, you are beloved. Look how worried about you she is!” The lunar princess slurred, the names turning to mush in her drunken mouth. Celestia’s tearful gaze fell upon the young maid, who was frozen both by magic and terror.

“Is that true, Annie? Did you come here for me?” the weepy princess asked hopefully. Annette nodded quickly, and Luna dropped the maid unceremoniously on the stone floor.

"Thass... so sweet," Celestia blubbered shamelessly. Luna groaned and threw a hoof over her eyes, then thought better of it and began sucking the dregs from an empty bottle of rum.

"Um... Princess Luna Miss Majesty?" Annette squeaked.

"WHAT?!" Luna bellowed randomly, her eyes vague and nearly crossed.

"Maybe you shouldn't..."

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" the princess shrieked, wrapping her hooves around the bottle and rolling onto her side. Annette whimpered and began to back towards the door.

"NOOOooOOOOoOo!" Celestia wailed, launching herself at the maid clinging to her hoof. "Don't go, Anna!"

"Actually it's Annette, Princess, and I really think I should get help, or at least get you to your rooms--"

Celestia gazed at her with wide, weepy eyes.

"Or not," Annette sighed.

"Yay!"

“Now STOP CRYING, WENCH,” Luna shouted, eyes now completely derped.

Celestia wiped her tears messily across her face and wrapped her forelegs around the maid as though the poor girl was a teddy bear. Clutching her tightly, the Crown Princess of Equestria, Mistress of the Sun and Ruler of Ponykind passed out on the floor next to her sister.

When Annette next woke, it was almost dawn and she was still trapped in the grip of her ruler and employer. Celestia had a firm grip, at the very least.

Doing a careful assessment of her physical and emotional environment, the maid was shocked to find herself not wholly traumatized and in desperate need of a visit to the therapist, but instead feeling very… safe. And cozy.

Despite all the safeness and coziness, she was a little uncomfortable. Sleeping on the stone floor had been bad to her back, and her legs were in desperate need of a good stretch.

Carefully, being cautious not to wake the alicorn beside her, Annette stretched out one leg, then the other, and rolled onto her side.

Actually, stone floors weren't so bad when you were being cuddled by a princess. A princess with a remarkably soft coat...

So instead of screaming, flailing, and calling the Royal Guard, the little maid snuggled deeper into the Princess’s hug and closed her eyes again.