Operation Northwest Passage

Chapters

Prologue
One
Intermission One
Two
Three
Intermission Three
Intermission Two

Prologue

Excerpt from The Helios Division: The Declassified Interviews, Chapter Six, page 208 [with added material from National Archives Stack 47, security clearance HEL-1078-ckl6h4208]

Daniel Washburn, General, USAF (retired), stands with me on the front porch of his ranch house in South Dakota, near the end of our conversation. An unlit cigar dangles from his lips, which he tosses away at my questioning look. We lean on the railing for several minutes, watching the sun sink lower in the sky, until he begins to speak with the same strong demeanor the nation saw so many years ago.

You understand that there's hardly anything I can tell you.

Yes.

And yet you're still here. That's the sort of tenacity that can get you answers, or get you sent on a one-way flight to Nevada-46. But I guess that's up to me, isn't it? So let's start out by talking about things you already know, from my point of view.

Whenever some hack journalist pushes out an article or a book about Helios, they always seem to focus on the negative aspects. They pore over casualty rates and technological crises and transcripts of Arkhangelsk and Kbely and Kursk. There isn't a conspiracy theorist out there who doesn't think we were some sort of secret society bent on genocide. But what no one remembers is everything positive we accomplished. Without us, countless people who suffered from spinal cord damage would still be paralyzed. Without us, there wouldn't be countless pieces of military hardware that are protecting our nation as we speak. Without us, there's a good chance the United States would be nothing more than a footnote in the history books! Without us, thirty-two good people would still be--

[He clears his throat and looks away for a silent minute. When he turns back, a strange edge has entered Washburn's voice.]

Look. There's hardly anything I can tell you that you don't know already. So what do you want me to repeat to you?

There's one thing I haven't heard much anything about. What about this-what was it-

[There is a brief pause as I check an old USAF printout.]

This "Operation Northwest Passage"? The only thing I have is the years it took place, and even that took months to dig up.

[Washburn's jaw sets visibly.]

Boy, of all the things you could have asked about...

The following conversation never happened.

[Editor's note: At this point, the public recording of the interview, and therefore the transcribed chapter in The Helios Division, ends. A partial transcript of the final five minutes of the tape has been provided in attached document A-12.]

Operation Northwest Passage was our magnum opus. Millions of man-hours and countless taxpayer dollars were poured into it, and every single minute and cent was repayed tenfold by our successes. If every other Helios program failed, I still wouldn't be able to write the division off as a failure due to this one mission. If you ever saw even a hundredth of what we discovered, what we innovated, what we brought back...you would understand why I feel the way I do. And although every detail of the operation, from who was involved to even where we were headquartered, will be classified for the next one hundred fifty-two years, I can tell you that those men and women were the bravest I have had the honor of serving with. And that no matter what, no one will forget their days with Operation Northwest Passage.

One

Data File 0450C-232: Operation Northwest Passage

Compilers: Gen. D. Washburn, Spec. S. Pyotr, COS A. Michaelson

[WARNING]

[SECURITY CLEARANCE TOP SECRET-THETA-ZERO]

[POSSESSION AND/OR OBSERVATION OF THIS DOCUMENT WITHOUT PROPER CLEARANCE SHALL BE PUNISHED AS HIGH TREASON]

****************************************************

The following document is a compilation of hundreds of interviews, hours of radio transcripts, sixteen physical examinations, and fourteen terabytes of camera footage, both mounted and carried. This data was captured both during and after the lifespan of Northwest Passage. Note that most interviews were made independently and, as such, viewpoints may differ to some degree.

***

-2 Hours

Earth: United States: Montana: Helios Facility "Deep Six": 0600 Local

Throughout Deep Six, there was an air of barely-repressed panic. A bulletin had gone out the previous day that Northwest Passage was going to be initiated, and everywhere about the cavernous base technicians and scientists were preparing the hundreds of tons of hardware needed to succeed. A mile-long relay of high-power capacitors slowly charged over the night, in preparation for what was to come. But of all the men and women involved in the project, none should have been more nervous than Lieutenant Gim Carmichaels, a co-founder and first participator in what would become Northwest Passage. After all, he would be, in less than six hours, farther away from home than anyone could ever imagine to be. However, his mood before launch was no worse than that of a man taking a short road trip to another state. Why? Some have said that it was simply because it wasn't the first time this had happened to him. Others say he suffered from one of many fear-coping disorders. Still more, though, say it was because he didn't have any time to think about what was to come. Every waking hour of his life for the week leading up to launch comprised of endless research of dossiers, checks and rechecks of flight equipment, and contingency planning in case anything went wrong along any step of the way. It was only in the last hour before launch that the icy grip of fear started to come over Carmichaels, when the relative torpor of getting suited up allowed him some time to think.

Sitting in the ready room, oxygen mask in his hands, he stared himself in the mirror and thought. Come on now, Gim, this won't be that bad. Just stick to the plan, and everything will work out. Think about all the lives you'll change. Don't think about what could go wrong. Just...go.

After all, there are a lot worse universes you could be going to. Statistically speaking.

The voice of a technician interrupted his thoughts. "Lieutenant? We're ready for you. Don't forget to check--"

"The breathing mask, I know." Carmichaels slipped the mask onto his face, and felt as cold bottled air rushed into it as he stepped out into the main firing chamber.

The oversized semicircular concrete room was dominated by a complex array of power leads, detection equipment, and field generators. All along the sides lay several observation booths and control consoles, and set against one wall was the strangest machine Gim had ever laid his eyes on. It appeared to all the world to be a ten-foot-high steel ring of complex circuitry, sucking in power from every corner of the complex. When activated, this would serve as a gateway to one destination, spanning the gulf between universes.

He strode forward as the machine prepared to activate, an unearthly hum filling the air. Not a single person in the room was breathing as the main firing sequence was initiated.

With a resounding thud of expanding air, the middle of the ring was suddenly filled with a wall of charged plasma, crackling with blue light. Carmichaels didn't even break his stride as this strange event occurred. Instead, he looked towards a camera-wielding technician, and smiled behind his mask. Within seconds, he stepped into the field, leaving no trace to the world of his existence save for the echoes of his final few words:

"See you on the other side."

-0 Hours

143.79: Equestria: Ponyville: 0900 Local

The Ponyville town square bustled with activity. On any other day at this time, there would be no more than a few of the town's residents milling about. However, this was not any normal day. Rather, today was the day after Winter Wrap Up, and everypony in the town was packed into the square. They waited with bated breath as Mayor Mare strode forward to report on their efforts. One could hear a pin drop as the Mayor cleared her throat and began to speak.

"Citizens of Ponyville! We spent the whole of yesterday working to clear away winter and let spring free. This year, we were faced with one of the coldest winters to date. Of course, this made wrapping up winter even harder than usual, as I'm sure we all know.

"But our efforts were not in vain! This year, we all worked hard, did our best, and successfully wrapped up winter!"

The square broke into wild cheering. After all, this was only the third year in a row that they had completed Winter Wrap Up on time. The Mayor waited, smiling, for the cheering and applause to die down, before continuing.

"Most of all, I would like to thank the captains and co-captains of each team for working together and keeping everything under control. Of course, we must also thank our valued All-Team Organizer for her role in promoting cooperation."

A hearty round of applause rose up for Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle, the aforementioned ponies, while the six each expressed their gratitude and joy for their role in Winter Wrap Up. Over this hubbub, the Mayor's voice rang out one last time:

"Thank you, everypony, for making this the best Winter Wrap Up yet! Go forth, and have a wonderful spring!"

The cheering became even more mighty as the collected ponies began celebrating their fresh new spring of opportunities. Some ran off to their favorite places in Ponyville for partying, while many others simply stayed in the town square to strike up a fiesta there. Someone produced a gramophone and a few records, and the throng of ponies rapidly dissolved into one big dance. The thunderous music nearly drowned out any other sounds, including a strange humming coming from a point in front of the town hall. As such, no one was warned of what was coming until it was far too late to prepare.

Near the edge of the crowd, an infinitesimally small blue point of light appeared. It grew slowly over about ten seconds, the strange humming rising in volume the whole time. Everypony in the area backed away from this strange ball of light, staring at it with a mixture of terror and curiosity. With a deep thud, the ball grew to be about eight feet around, causing the gathered crowd to jump back in fear. Somepony knocked over the gramophone, allowing the square to be filled with only the ear-piercing hum of the ball and the scared voices of the ponies gathered there.

"What's happening?"

"Is it...magic or something?"

"Is it just going to sit there?"

As if in response, the ball exploded. A shockwave of blue light rushed outwards, bowling over everypony there and knocking pegasi out of the sky. As the crowd slowly got to its hooves, the smoke cloud left by the explosion slowly cleared. As it turned out, the ball was gone.

In its place stood the strangest thing anypony had even seen.

Standing on two legs, the creature loomed over even the tallest ponies. It was clad in what seemed to some sort of clothing analogue, including a heavy coat and some sort of metal mask. It stood there for a few seconds, seemingly in as much shock as the ponies collected there. Then, slowly, it scanned the crowd. Even though its eyes were hidden behind the mask, it seemed to be staring at every single pony, one by one. Sizing them up. It glanced at a watch at its wrist, and at a few papers it procured from one coat pocket. Nopony dared move, for fear of waking the giant's wrath.

Thirty-six ponies and one unidentified creature neither moved nor made a sound.

Then, as non-threateningly as possible, it removed its mask. The citizens of Ponyville were treated to a strange, partially-hairless face and a pair of cold, calculating eyes. In a manner eerily similar to the Mayor's just a few minutes before, it cleared its throat to speak.

"Citzens of Ponyville. I request an audience with Princess Celestia."

Thirty-five jaws hit the ground. Throughout the minds of almost everypony there, a wildfire of thoughts blazed. What was this thing? What was it doing here? How did it speak Equestrian? How did it know where it was?

The creature waited for a response, looking for any reaction more than thirty-five surprised faces and one thin-lipped deadpan one.

"Well. Looks like I'm going to have to be more direct." It slid a scroll from one sleeve, briefly checking the label on the ribbon around it. "Spike, can you send a message?"

The young dragon visibly shook himself. "Wha- I- How do you know my name?"

Twilight Sparkle, having regained basic motor functions, piped up. "Yeah! How do you know who he is, or where you are?"

The visitor smiled knowingly, shaking his head. "Miss Sparkle, I had hoped you would understand the situation. I assure you, I will answer all of your questions as soon as possible. First, though, this scroll needs to get to the Princess as soon as possible."

The scientist portion of Twilight's brain, having previously been occupied with the strange wisdom of the...thing, jumped at the possibility of being able to interview a creature that she had never even heard of. Eyes sparkling with a certain glee, she grabbd the scroll and nearly hurled it at Spike. "Send it."

Spike was less eager. "But what if it's--"

A strange edge came over Twilight's voice. She leaned closer to Spike and growled, "SEND. IT."

"All right, all right." A brief puff of flame sent the scroll rocketing towards far-off Canterlot. Positively shaking with excitement, Twilight telekinetically grabbed the visitor and sent him bodily through the doors into the empty Town Hall. Galloping after it, she called out behind her, "Come on, girls! And Spike! There's science to be had!"

Reluctantly, Twilight Sparkle's six closest friends followed her into the town hall, fearing her almost as much as the strange beast.

Having found seats in the hall, everypony turned to their strange guest. It leaned back against the too-small chair it had collapsed into, and regarded the ponies and dragon with a smile. Nopony said a thing until Twilight burst out with:

"What are you? Or who are you?"

The tall creature steepled his fingers. "Ah yes, introductions. First of all, let me introduce myself as Lieutenant Gim Carmichaels, human and most certainly not a resident of this universe. And you are..." He pointed to each in turn. "....Spike, Rarity, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and," he nodded to the last member of the group, "Pinkie Pie."

"Lieutenant," this last intoned with a similar nod, her thin-lipped expression still in place.

Twilight glanced back and forth between the two. "What was that?"

"What was what?" they replied in unison, innocent expressions clouding their faces.

"...Never mind. What's important here is how you know all of us. And what was that you said about not being a resident?"

"I assume you have heard of the theory of multiple universes?"

Twilight thought back to an old physics book she read long ago. "Yeah, I think so."

"Excellent. Have you ever considered what it would be like if you could travel to another universe, where things could be anywhere from almost identical to completely different?"

"I've...read about it."

"Even better. In my own universe, our top scientists have made this dream a reality. We can cross the void between universes, search for ones that have the traits we need, and enter them quickly and painlessly, albeit with a massive expense of energy.

"During our studies, we came across your own universe, numbered as 143.79. Our universe seems to be strangely...linked to this one. We spoke the same language, acted similarly, and even used the same mixture of elements to survive. Even stranger was the medium between us: the not-matter outside universes was oddly turbulent, as though energy was flowing between them. Naturally, we decided that the best course of action was to investigate."

"And so you came here for the first time? And you know so much about us because your scientists have been observing us through your machines?"

Carmichaels bit his lip. "Not...exactly. I wish I could tell you more, but unfortunately that information is highly classified. The only ponies I should be discussing this with are the Princesses and...well...a few others, whom I'll meet with eventually." He turned his gaze towards Spike, who had during the previous conversation received a response from Celestia. Before he could retrieve the scroll, though, Twilight snatched it with her magic and read aloud.

"'Time is of the essence. The Canterlot Express leaves from Ponyville Station in five minutes.'"

The human clapped his hands together and rose to his feet, a feat that the ponies still found unnerving. "Well then, we must be going. Time stops for no man! Or pony."

Applejack held up a hoof. "Hang on now, sugarcube. What do you mean, 'we'?"

Gim was already halfway to the door before he stopped and replied. "I had assumed that Twilight would want to hear my conversation with the Princesses, and that the rest of you would want to accompany her. Was I wrong?"

"Well...no."

Carmichaels grinned. "Right then. To Canterlot!"

[Compiler's note: In the interest of providing a simplified account of Operation Northwest Passage, the six and one-half minutes in which the subjects made their way to the train station without inciting widespread panic of a monster attack have been omitted. For such an account, please refer to Supplementary Document AE-21.4.]

Intermission One

[Intermission: Universe 114.28]

Meanwhile, but also in the future-past alternate pocket universe but once again even...

Universe 114.28, by some miracle of strange casuality, was formed quite oddly. More specifically, it consisted almost entirely of a ranch house that always seemed to run out of what you needed just after you sent someone to go get more. It also sported a living room with a television capable of monitoring any universe at any time, and, more interestingly, an ingenious type of door that would have revolutionized science-fiction films of the Earth's 21st century.

It was also, by some strange law of physics, painted entirely in shades of blue.

After the discovery of 114.28 in the future-past on-observer counterspinward, [see Appendix 224-Beta for an introduction to multi-universe phrasing and tenses] the building and its surroundings were almost immediately appropriated by the Helios division for official use. The definition of "official use" for this universe has/had/shlerb been a point of contention throughout the division, especially once the general staff found/will find out that it was mainly being used by the higher-ups for especially kickin' cross-universe parties.

At this point in time, the universe was populated with an indeterminate amount of sentient life-forms, due to rounding errors on the author's behalf. However, "indeterminate" at this point can be assumed to be three.

Two of these were now seated in the curious living room, on a rather squishy cadet-blue couch. The average person's mind would boggle at the implications of having both in the same place at the same time, primarily because one was a generally normal Earth human and the other was a seven-foot-tall white alicorn. The additional spatial problem of how one was able to fit two large beings onto a relatively small couch without any violations of personal space would bring a tear of frustration to the eye of any physicist or interior designer. Due to the generally headwonky physics of Universe 114.28, though, both these feats were accomplished without any effort or protest. The occupants of said couch, therefore, could easily forget physics and focus on the television, which at this point showed a view of the events before this intermission from several different camera angles. Seeing the reactions of the populace to the human's arrival, the alicorn couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle.

"They truly didn't have any idea what you were, did they, Gim?"

The human in question grinned. "Those poor ponies had no idea. If only you had been there to see their faces!"

The princess of the sun leaned heavily against one of the couch's armrests. "You have no idea how much fun I have messing with my subjects. I might as well spend my days doing that!"

"Oh, I'm sure I would enjoy that, though I can't speak for the unlucky residents of Equestria."

"Wait, wait! Here's the good part!" Celestia flicked up the volume in time to hear Twilight nearly crushing Spike with a few short words. Both burst out laughing when they could see, in the background, everypony there backing a few steps away from the unicorn. They watched on, occasionally commenting on some strange action or turn of phrase, until Gim came out with:

"Man, I'm hungry. Is there any--"

As if on cue, a pocket door opened in an eye-twistingly strange action, revealing an even stranger figure behind. These days, no one bats an eye at such a draconequus walking about in most universe-hopping groups. The strange part was how the draconequus was shrunken down to fit in the building, and that he carried an overlarge bowl of popcorn with him.

"Here we go! Traditional movie night popcorn, brought especially to you by the magic of chaos! And the magic of microwaves." Discord, the creature in question, pushed the bowl into the center of the room, before falling into a cyan armchair and watching possibly the two hungriest creatures in any universe attack the bowl like a pair of sharks. As corn kernels flew about around him, he glanced at the television.

"Hang on, I've already seen this part!" Discord punched at the NEXT SCENE button.

Two

The Canterlot Express, carrying only eight passengers, steamed its way towards the capital of Equestria. Aboard, five ponies, one dragon, and one human silently refused to talk to one another, born of some innate universal cultural fear of talking in public transit. However, the sixth pony, who happened to be a lavender unicorn, was slowly building up the courage to continue her tirade of questions. After about thirty minutes of silent preparation, which involved primarily staring out the window and rehearsing questions, she turned and opened her mouth to speak.

"So, Mister Carmichaels--"

She shut her mouth again.

"...Where'd he go?"

Applejack stuck her head up over the back of her seat and glanced at Twilight. Jerking a hoof towards the engine, she said,

"Said he was looking for the head. Be back in a few."

"Of course! Right when I was about to start interviewing." She sighed mightily and started to turn back towards the window--

When a discarded charcoal-grey greatcoat, laid out on the human's seat, caught her eye. Its pockets bulged with the myriad equipment and technology the team at Deep Six thought would be necessary for a stay in Equestria.

All at once, several conflicting thoughts rushed into her head. Okay, play it cool Twilight. A creature from another universe, infinitely more technologically advanced than our own, just left a treasure trove of artifacts unguarded right in front of you. It's like he wanted you to root through those pockets and take a look. Do it.

Wait! Advanced or not, you're still going through somebody else's stuff. That's generally regarded as a jerk move. Who knows what he'll say? Don't do it!

Come on, it's reasonable. Any science-minded individual would do the same thing. He would understand. Besides, you could learn so much! And if you put everything back, nopony's the wiser! Do it!

Listening to her own advice, she walked across the aisle. Six heads turned in unison to watch her approach the coat and begin lifting things out with her magic. Papers, lengths of rope, changes of clothing, bits of food, wrapped gemstones...everything was carefully observed from every angle before being replaced.

Near the end of her search, Twilight found something interesting hanging from some sort of scabbard near the armpit of the coat. Pulling it out with some difficulty, she carefully spun it around. It seemed to be an "L"-shaped mass of black-and-silver tubes, levers and tiny rotating gears. In the crook of the "L" lay a loop of metal, which was nearly intersected by a thick lever.

Rotating the strange contraption to the curious gazes of her friends, she looked closely at the lever. It looked like the lever was some way to activate the thing, based on what she could see of its inner workings. Out of sheer curiosity, she slowly pulled the lever back with her magic, watching one portion rotate as she did so. Interested by this strange device, she pulled the small metal switch harder.

A thunderous roar of fire and noise erupted from the object, blowing out several windows from the sheer force of the blast. At the same time, a hum like that of a gigantic wasp tore through the air, accompanied by a hoof-sized hole being blown through everything in front of the device.

The seven friends stood there in shock for a few seconds, their eardrums nearly blown out by the shock. Then, recovering quickly, Rainbow Dash called out,

"Is everypony all right?"

Nearly everyone there responded with some overly loud version of "dazed, confused, but fine." Thinking of her easily frightened friend, Rainbow called over her seat to Fluttershy in hopes of cheering her up after such a fright.

"You alright over there, Fluttershy?"

Almost inaudibly, the response came after several second's pause: "I- I'm alright. Don't worry. I'm just-"

Her voice was drowned out by the gentle sound of droplets falling and impacting with the floor of the train car. Far too late, everypony there saw the growing pool of blood on the floor. Far too late, they heard the yellow pegasus collapse.

"Fluttershy!"

***

Fact: At the sign of danger, most members of the Carmichaels family can reach foot speeds of over forty miles an hour.

***

Carmichaels burst through the door to the passenger car like the proverbial unstoppable force, tearing through it like so much rice paper. Casting his gaze about, he reached a simple conclusion:

"You shot somepony."

Twilight Sparkle nodded bleakly as the human pushed his way past to the unlucky Fluttershy. After a few second's examination, he allowed a quick sigh of relief.

"Well. You didn't actually shoot her, thank heavens."

"Wha- but, the blood! The sound!"

Gim flicked his gaze up to a light fixture that had been blasted out by the enormous blast. "Looks like the shockwave knocked that out and she got hit with the glass. Lucky nopony else was hit."

He laid a pair of fingers on the unconscious pegasus' throat. "But she still might not make it. Looks like the shock from firing that in such close proximity to her inadvertently caused a severe case of cardiac fibrillation."

"What does that mean?"

"Means her heart's going too fast to properly pump blood. If it doesn't get fixed soon, Fluttershy's brain will essentially suffocate.

"Now," Carmichaels said, rasing his gaze to the congregation, "does anypony have a defibrillator on them?"

Six blank stares met his disappointed eyes.

"Right. Well. Hopefully what I'm about to do won't kill her." He suddenly lashed out, kicking one of the car's seats off its mounts. Shoving it away to make a larger working space, he quickly turned to Twilight, who was simply staring in shock.

"Twilight. Where, exactly, is the heart on a pegasus?"

Startled, the lavender unicorn shook herself before responding. "I don't see what-"

Gim slammed his fist down on the car's floor, causing everypony to jump. "Twilight, if you don't answer in the next thirty seconds, one of your best friends is going to die. Where. Is the heart. On a pegasus."

She swallowed nervously, then poked at Fluttershy's side. "Here."

"Outstanding. Now stand back, everypony. Even if this doesn't kill her, it's going to be quite the shock."

As he spoke, sparks of electricity began to coalesce around his hands. The air became filled with a low whine as the arcing plasma became ever brighter and stronger. Bolts of lightning coursed up his arms and into the air, grounding themselves on various bits of metal. As he lowered his hands towards the pegasus, he called out one final word:

"Clear!"

And he slammed his palms down directly above where Fluttershy's heart lay.

The yellow pegasus' body bucked wildly as every light in the train blew out. A thin scent of smoke and ozone permeated the car. Carmichaels cocked his head slightly, as if hearing some sound outside the ponies' range of hearing.

"No pulse. Perfection."

Rarity suddenly became livid. "PERFECTION? You just killed her! Why, I-"

"Hush." The single word was spoken with enough quiet force that the alabaster unicorn immediately shut up and watched.

"Now, once more. This one's the hard part." Once again, the air filled with the sound of building power. A thin fog of charged plasma surrounded the two as Gim once again called out.

"Clear!"

The energy released was enough to cause every one of Fluttershy's muscles to contract for no less than ten seconds. Once this subsided, the human's fingers again rested on her throat. A few seconds of silent observation soon caused him to wipe sweat off his brow in relief.

"Alive. Pulse is stronger than ever."

The resulting cheer rivaled any that an ecstatic stadium full of Wonderbolts fans could create. Carmichaels weathered this for a while, before stopping it with a simple,

"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind. But our job isn't over. Twilight, if you don't mind, there's a roll of bandages in one of my coat pockets. Let's get to work!"

The remainder of the trip consisted of the seven working together to stitch and patch Fluttershy's wounds, and eventually explaining exactly what happened to her when the pegasus finally woke up. Although it only seemed like minutes, several hours passed until the Express came to a stop at the Canterlot station. Upon disembarking, the eight friends took a moment to take in all the sights of the capital city.

"Wow," Fluttershy murmured, "Beautiful."

Gim, standing next to her, was of a similar opinion. "I know...Seems a lot bigger from when I was last here."

Twilight responded in turn. "True...Funny how time can-" She made an odd choking noise as the human's words hit her full-force. "Wait. When you were last here? What?!"

But the lieutenant was already striding off towards the palace, a wide grin plastered on his face as he heard Twilight spluttering to figure out what he meant.

***

Sitting in a corner cafe just across from the train station, a certain greenish unicorn suddenly noticed what was going on outside and turned to look. Exactly one point two five seconds later, the signals from her eyes reached her brain. Point eight four seconds after that, the images became associated with animate objects.

Two point three six seconds later, Lyra collapsed face-first into her bowl of oatmeal.

***

Along a straight line to the palace, the streets were lined with shocked or fainted ponies, having reacted poorly to the strange human now walking their streets. With him came five ponies, one dragon, and one bookworm that was now asking every question she could come up with. Having suddenly realized that he was being subjected to this bombardment, Carmichaels held up his hands to stop her.

"Look, I'm afraid I can't answer any of your questions right now. Unfortunately, these sorts of things can presently only be discussed with the Princesses. You're just going to have to wait until they or I approve full disclosure. For now, the only things you can learn from are already here."

Twilight's face fell as she puzzled over this. "What do you mean?"

Infuriatingly, Gim responded only with, "All in due time."

"AAAGH!"

***

Moondancer was a simple pony. Throughout her service to the Princesses, she had but one job: gatekeeper to the royal palace. Nopony could get through the massive iron gates to the palace without royal decrees signed in triplicate and a security pass registered with the Royal Guards. Not a single creature, pony, or hideous monster got past her without permission. So for her, it was just another day when eight figures strode up to the gates with no intention of stopping at the gatehouse. Realizing the implications, she ran out in front of the lead one, some sort of tall greyish monkey.

"Hey. Hey! Stop! In the name of the--"

She was interrupted by the sensation of being gently scooted out of the way. The grey thing turned back and smiled like a wolf would smile to a sheep. Moondancer couldn't help but feel a sizable measure of abject horror when the thing spoke.

"It's okay, I've got an appointment."

He pushed open the gates, allowing the group to pass through.

As they slowly disappeared into the distance, Moondancer sat limply in the dust. Maybe, she thought, just maybe, a near-perfect track record is good enough.

***

The group advanced through the palace at a rapid clip, with the ponies and dragon running to keep up with the human's long strides. Twilight came up alongside the lieutenant and panted out, "How...How do you know you way around the castle?"

Gim affixed her with a gaze that said, How many times do I have to say "I can't tell you jack"?

Twilight looked away. "Right."

They soon came to the massive doors that marked the entrance to the throne room. Finally, Carmichaels came to a stop, quickly tidying himself up for a meeting with royalty. Taking the hint, the rest also hurriedly hoof-combed their manes so as to avoid looking like a bunch of tramps, or worse, marathon runners. Sufficiently preened, the lone human turned to address everypony there. When he spoke, it was in a voice that anypony that spent enough time around government officials would recognize, regardless of universe.

"In the interest of universal security, I'm going to have to ask you to remain in the back of the hall until my conversation with the Princesses is complete. I apologize for any inconvenience."

With this, he strong-armed the gigantic wooden doors open and strode inside.

As Gim made his way towards the twin thrones, Twilight whirled about and addressed her friends in a tone usually reserved for unruly librarygoers: quiet, but somehow also extremely loud.

"Alright, does anypony else think this is weird? Somepony from another universe just shows up, knowing everything about everypony? Then he gets an audience with the two busiest ponies in Equestria in seconds? Then he says he's been here before? Without anypony noticing? I mean, he's a giant human! Somepony should've noticed!"

In the back of the group, Pinkie Pie suddenly piped up. "What do you mean, 'without anypony noticing'? I noticed!"

Twilight made the same choking noise she had made several minutes before.

"Wha...I...huhhh...you...noticed?"

Making perfect sense of this, Pinkie nodded rapidly. "Yep! We had a lot of fun, too! All sorts of adventures. Also cake. We had cake once."

At this point, Twilight was starting to make a sort of habit out of this choking sound.

"And...and you didn't tell anypony?"

Pinkie giggled. "Of course I didn't, silly filly! The whole thing was very very classified. I could only talk to the Princesses about it! And the humans, of course."

Having noticed the plural use of human, Twilight's brain decided to put a stop to motor functions and sensory input in order to spend more power on thinking. As a result, she crumpled to the floor like a sack of potatoes just as a very interesting conversation started on the other side of the hall.

Gim strode up to the base of the massive staircase leading to the twin thrones, dropping down into a low bow. His voice rang out through the quiet chamber: "Princesses. I have grave news from Helios."

Celestia inclined her head gently. "It must be grave for such a public entrance. Tell me, what has happened in your fair universe?"

The human produced a sheaf of papers from one coat pocket, allowing the princess of the sun to float them over to her. "I'm afraid Northwest Passage is being enacted. Upon your approval, homecoming operations will start immediately."

The white alicorn flicked through the various documents and diagrams, her expression growing more and more solemn. "Grave news indeed. There is nothing that can be done to stop this?"

Carmichaels sighed, his shoulders slumping visibly. "I'm afraid not. We've postponed this as long as we can, but Helios command is adamant: We have to bring them home. We'll begin mobilization as soon as you give us the go-ahead."

"I wish it were so easy. My sister and I shall need time to pass judgement. After all," she continued with the hint of a smile across her worried face, "this is our universe."

Lieutenant Carmichaels chuckled. "Of course. I'll try to stay out of trouble while I wait." He reached into yet another pocket and produced a black rectangular box that he underhanded towards the princesses. "If you need me, just press the green button and speak. I'll get the message."

With another bow, Gim turned and purposefully strode off. Upon coming closer to the doors, his stride was broken by a sudden crackling noise. The newly-awakened Twilight and company turned and gazed towards the crackling human. Carmichaels jumped a bit, then lifted another black box from one of his hundreds of pockets. He thumbed a tiny button, and the crackling gave way to a deadpan voice.

"Carmichaels. You there?"

"Yeah, I hear you. What's going on?"

Six ponies and one dragon, boggled at the spectacle of a man talking to a box--that was talking back.

"Bad news from Deep Six. Apparently we've got a fault in our tunneling guidance package. It can handle simple things like people just fine, but it'll choke on bigger things and multiple people. Violently."

"So...what does that mean for the mission?"

"Means we won't be able to get the gear and staff through that are required to complete Northwest Passage. We could rewrite the package software, but it could take months."

"Any other options?"

"Do you remember the files we recovered from Aurora's archives?"

"Yeah. What of them?"

At this, Gim turned away, causing the voice from the box to become inaudible to the group of ponies. Twilight leaned forward visibly, straining her hearing, until Applejack scooted her back with a face that said, Come on, sugarcube. Time to respect some privacy. The unicorn shot Applejack a death glare before acquiescing.

After some hushed dialogue, the human turned back around. His voice rang out confusedly,

"How am I supposed to find that?"

"You're on your own there, buddy. Try talking to the locals, do some research."

"Right then. Carmichaels out." Stowing the box, he walked towards the collected ponies. Twilight spoke up in her now-standard confused tone:

"What...what's going on?"

Upon hearing this, Gim turned and knelt before her. Locking gazes, he spoke in his most even, measured tone. "Twilight. In order to complete my mission, I'm going to have to research as much about humans in Equestria as is physically possible. To do so, I'm going to need your help and your insight. Can you help me?"

"I...yes. Yes, I can. Where do we start?"

A familiar grin spread across Gim's face. He stood and made for the castle's front gates. Twilight galloped alongside as her friends followed, calling out, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to find the one other pony that will be able to help me. Come on! I'll bet she's close to the castle. Everypony else, you're just going to be bored out of your minds...Best just get back on the train to Ponyville."

Spike shrugged. "I, uh...alright. Come on, let's let the eggheads get to work."

And so the two groups parted ways: One headed back towards the train station, and the other towards the heart of Canterlot.

Three

Lyra's hooves rang out on the polished cobblestones as she walked up one of Canterlot's main avenues. A splitting headache and an oatmeal-scented mane was all she had as a souvenier for the events of earlier. Passing through the oddly barren streets, the turquoise unicorn let her head fall. Ever since she stumbled across that book in a dusty old wing of the Canterlot Archives, the concept of humans plagued her mind. The very idea that there was another sentient race so unlike her own was so boggling that their image filled here every waking moment, so much that they even began to appear in her dreams. After all those years of study with no definite proof, Lyra was willing to write off the experience as a product of an overstressed mind.

She sighed heavily. Maybe it was finally time to give up. Maybe there wasn't really such a thing as--

Her ears flicked up. Somepony was walking around up ahead. Considering the fact that everypony else in the city seemed to have decided to lock themselves inside, the presence of anypony at all was quite strange.

Lyra stopped dead, listening as the sound of muted hoofsteps drew closer. A sudden thought wafted through her head: What if she wasn't supposed to be outside? Was there some air-raid drill she wasn't informed of? Wouldn't they have said something when she got off the train yesterday? What if Canterlot was under attack? What if--

A pair of figures rounded a corner up ahead. One was clearly a unicorn. The other...

A cluster of neurons in the back of Lyra's brain sounded out. No, they said. No, that isn't possible. You just spent the past half-hour convincing yourself that.

The tall biped broke into a jog. Its features came into view.

The same neurons spoke up again. Okay, we've got nothing. You're on your own.

Lyra's brain as a whole fired up. No. No. What? No way.

Gim stopped in front of the dazed unicorn. A smile worked its way across his face.

"Lyra. I've been looking for you. Lieutenant Gim Carmichaels, at your service."

No. Not possible.

Carmichaels continued. "All these years, you've been looking. Searching for proof that humans existed. It's been your life's work. Nopony ever believed you.

"Thanks for always believing in us. Ponies like you are what gave me the hope to come here."

There was a long silence as Lyra's brain ran as fast as it could go. Then, a clattering of hooves as the sea-green unicorn ran forward and collapsed against Gim. Rough, racking sobs filled the air. Awkwardly, the human raised a hand and patted her on the back.

"It's...it's okay. Everything's all right now. Your work hasn't been in vain."

Lyra lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed at him with shining eyes. "How? How did you come here?"

A short laugh escaped from the lieutenant's throat. "Matter of fact, the story of my team and I isn't that far off from yours. We had a dream, and nothing would stop us from pursuing it. The possibility that there were other sentient species out there was too much to drop. Then, a few months ago, we had a breakthough. Soon enough, I came on through to Equestria! And then, uh," -his gaze flicked to one side- "some things happened, and I had to head home. But now I'm back, and I need your help."

Lyra sniffled. "You need my help? I-Of course! But with what? Why?"

"Why, because you're the preeminent scholar on human history in Equestria, of course! And to complete the tasks ahead of me, I need to know everything you do about humans. I need to find proof, very...tangible proof, that we've been here before. Once I recover a certain artifact that we think a human left here long ago, I'll be able to complete my mission."

Twilight, who had up until this moment been observing the events placidly, now spoke up. "So that's what you were talking about with that box earlier. That's why you ned our help."

Gim nodded. "Exactly. And if we want to get researching, we're going to need a library."

Twilight's ears perked up. Carmichaels spoke again.

"We're going to need a very big library."

A sly grin worked its way across the lavender unicorn's face.

"I think I might be able to find one of those."

"The Ivory Tower?"

"The Ivory Tower."

The Ivory Tower, former home of Twilight Sparkle, current home of one wing of the Royal Library, and an aboveground entrance to the Canterlot Archives, stood as proudly as it had when Twilight left it some years ago. Upon the trio's approach, its doors swung open with the barest hint of magic. Twilight glanced back at Gim and Lyra sheepishly.

"Princess Celestia said she would always leave the tower ready in case I needed to come back. I didn't think she would actually stick to her word!"

As they walked in, their feet and hooves left footprints in the fine layer of dust. Aside from a dustless track left by some patrolling maintenance crew, it was obvious that nopony had been in the tower for quite some time. Gim let out a low whistle, craning his neck to see up the spiral staircase.

"Quite the place you had here, Twilight."

"It is, isn't it? Let's see...the main library wing's on the first two floors, living space on the next two, and the study's on the top." She turned to Gim, her voice eager. "Where should we start?"

As if on cue, Gim's stomach rumbled out a low, basso note. "Well, according to my stomach, I haven't eaten in eight hours. We're going to have to start there. Is there some way to get some grub in here?"

Twilight pondered this for a moment. "Well, there's a dragonfire dumbwaiter so we can get produce, but somepony'd have to cook it. That's...usually Spike's job."

The human clapped his hands together merrily. "Leave that to me! You two might want to start getting some beds set up while I get cooking...I think we're going to be here a while."

Lyra jumped to the occasion. "Of course! Come on Twilight, let's get going!" She bounded off eagerly towards the staircase, dragging the other unicorn behind.

Gim picked his way through the undersized kitchen. Sifting through the cupboards, he eventually came across one that resembled a tiny freight elevator. On the inside of the door, a scrawled note read:

1. Write order on notepad

2. Close door, pull rope

3. Wait for order to arrive

He picked up the notepad inside, scratching out a few produce items. Tapping the pencil against his chin, he added another line to the makeshift grocery list:

1/2 fresh dead cow, sliced

After a moment's deliberation, he scratched the last line out. That's...probably a bad idea. Dang.

A pair of unicorns murmured quietly over the sounds of incredibly violent cooking emanating from downstairs.

"Okay, we're going to have to do something."

Lyra tucked a sheet under an overstuffed mattress. "Yeah. I've got a plan."

"Really? Fast worker, aren't you?" Twilight absentmindedly scooted a pillow across the floor.

"You could say I've been planning this for a while."

"Point. When are you going to do...whatever it is you're going to do?"

"Midnight. I'll let you know how it works out."

"Outstanding." The lavender unicorn levitated a quilt atop the old bed she used so long ago.

A loud shout of "Soup's on, everypony!" rang through the tower, followed by racous laughter. The unicorns glanced at each other, and trotted down to survey the damages.

The atmosphere of the third floor was choked with a smoke that smelled faintly of ozone. By some miracle of thermodynamics, Gim had managed to cook a steamed vegetable medley, a chilled Caesar salad, and an inexplicably hot cobbler with nothing more than a gas stovetop, two shotgun shells, and a set of engineer's calipers.

There was a soft thud as a pair of jaws impacted the floor.

Carmichaels pushed a welding mask off of his face, revealing a soot-stained and cheesy grin. "What do you think? I did the best with what I could get."

He strode across the room, pushing open a window to let the acrid smoke blow out. The two mares just watched, gaping, as he discarded the welding mask and collapsed into a chair at the dining table. Gim chuckled and pushed another chair out from the table with one foot. "Well, are you two going to stare, or help me finish all this? I can only stomach so much salad."

At least an hour later, every plate in the tower was picked clean. Twilight was slumped across a third of the table in a food coma, moaning something about telescopes and cologne. The rest of the table was covered in diagrams painted in apple paste, where the lieutenant was explaining the principles of astrodynamics to an enraptured Lyra. Gim jabbed at one such diagram with a carrot-and-cordite scented finger.

"And that, my dear, is how you complete a Hohmann transfer orbit in a binary system." He leaned back in his chair triumphantly.

Lrya let out a low whistle. "Wow. That might have been the most impromptu physics lecture I've ever had."

Carmichaels sucked cobbler remnants off of one finger. "If you can get more impromptu than that, I want to see where you went to college!"

The sea-green unicorn began scooting plates and trays over to one side of the table, giggling softly. "Yeah, we didn't have anything this interesting at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Mostly just dusty old professors and books taller than I was."

A teal aura surrounded the semiconscious Twilight as Lyra attempted to lift her off the table. The lavender unicorn did little more than become unstuck from the detrius of the meal before sinking back down. Lyra glanced at Gim sheepishly. "Uh...can I get a hand?"

"Certainly!" With one swift motion, the human lifted Twilight from the table and slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Alright, where are we taking her? I'm afraid I don't know where the bedrooms are."

"Right this way." Lyra led Carmichaels up the stairs and to one of the bedrooms, where a recently-made bed lay. Like a man carrying his firstborn, the human gently placed Twilight atop the overstuffed mattress. A few flashes of teal telekiniesis were all it took to cover up the now-snoring unicorn. The two other inhabitants of the tower eased out of the bedroom, sliding the door shut.

Gim wiped sweat off his brow. "Well, I'd call that a successful first day in Equestria. What say we get some sleep, then start our research in the morning?"

"Good enough for me! Pleasant dreams."

"G'night."

Hours later, the tower was filled with quiet snoring and the various other sounds of restful sleep. Despite the fact that his legs hung a good foot and a half off the end of the bed, Gim was just as unconscious as the lavender unicorn in the next room. Cross-universe teleportation, summoning lightning, and explaining physics could take it out of anyone. He let out a rather earth-shaking snore just as a door creaked open and faint light filtered into the room. On the other side of the door, Lyra screwed her eyes shut, steeling herself for the task at hand. Gritting her teeth, she eased the door further open and sidled in.

Lyra slowly made her way over to the comatose human, eyes taking in every aspect of his bipedal frame. She flicked her gaze about the room, trying to find anything she could use for information. Then, in a flash of insight, she remembered the heavy greatcoat he wore. If he had anything on him, she thought, it'd probably be in that coat's pockets.

Resolute in her decision, she now made her way towards the side of the bed, where Carmichaels had discarded his trusty greatcoat. A tiny flicker of magic enveloped her horn, and the coat rolled over and began to rise into the air.

***

Fact: The Helios greatcoat issued to high-ranking Heavy Assault officers is a marvel of clothing design. Interweaved layers of steel scale, small-ring chain mail, and modern Kevlar sheets have made the average officer nearly invulnerable to light attacks to the torso. In addition, the incredible amount of pockets and mount points allow the most prepared to carry an inordinate amount of military hardware without the need for a backpack. Fully loaded, it can weigh well over forty pounds.

The benefits of having a coat that rattles, clanks, and jingles like a steam locomotive are still under review.

***

With the sound of a thousand sleigh bells, the coat rose into the air. Several small metal boxes fell from various pockets and thudded against the floorboards. Lyra froze, flicking her gaze towards Gim. In response, he coughed, rolled over, and continued snoring.

Horseapples. Don't risk it, Lyra. Just look for something else to study.

...Well, now would be a perfect chance to do some biological examinations.

She cast a tiny light into the air, using its dim glow to observe the foreign form. She gingerly stepped around the bed, taking mental snapshots to recreate later. Although satisfied with some of her results, there was still something that she wanted to look at.

Gim's right hand hung over the edge of the bed enticingly. Lyra bit her lip. On one hoof, he probably wouldn't take kindly to me doing examinations like this when he's awake. Now's a good chance to do some research. On the other hoof, what if he wakes up?

Another voice spoke up in her head. Do it, Lyra.

"Alright," she whispered. With a turquoise glow, Gim's loose hand rose slowly into the air. Lyra twisted it about and manipulated the fingers, trying to get an idea of how the thing functioned. She was about to test how far it could bend when a voice rang through the still air.

"What are you doing?" Gim said uneasily.

Once again, Lyra froze.

In Gim's head, there was quite the party going on. He and the Mercury Seven astronauts were engaged in a rather spirited game of double-stick ice hockey against the entire Brazilian World Cup soccer team.

Swinging madly with a hockey stick in each hand, he drilled the puck towards the Brazilian side. It drilled its way through one of the opposing team, who turned into a cockatoo and flew indignantly away.

John Glenn hovered up next to Gim over the wildly wobbling ice. "Great game we're having," the astronaut remarked.

Carmichaels nodded, idly folding on of his sticks into a tesseract. "Yeah. Too bad we couldn't get Neil to play goalie, though."

Glenn shrugged and swung at the puck, hitting it although it was on the other side of the rink. "I dunno. I mean, he's a great pitcher, but--" Glenn suddenly jumped and grabbed Gim's right hand. Twisting it about, he wiggled the fingers experimentally.

"What are you doing?" Gim said uneasily, starting to sink through the floor in his confusion.

Gim spoke again in the silence of the bedroom. "I don't care what the price of bread on the moon is. What matters is what you're doing right now."

Lyra started. She hadn't said anything, and yet he was still acting like someone had responded.

"No, no...You don't understand. You have to eat the sandwiches." Gim jerked his hand our of her telekinetic grasp and drove it into the pillow. "Go sell more of our shares in France."

Oh, Lyra thought, relieved. He must have some vivid dreams.

Following an incredible ten-point turnaround, Gim and the astronauts stood on the ice to receive their prize. Strung together in the air by candyfloss ropes, the Brazilian team glared down maliciously from the ceiling.

With a gibbering reversed fanfare, William Shatner and a deep-gray alicorn walked through the wall and onto the rink. Turning to his companion, the actor waved a hand. The alicorn conjured a glimmering silver trophy from thin air and floated it, spinning gently, to the winning team. Glenn caught the trophy and held it aloft, cheering. The entire team erupted into thunderous applause and shouts, jumping and clamoring for the gigantic silver cup. Glenn laughed merrily and tossed it to Carmichaels, who held it over his head, daring the losing team to come and get it.

Lyra suddenly found herself held aloft upside-down, bobbing gently. She looked towards the floor and saw the unconscious human, his head lolled at a boneless angle, holding her up in the air in a death grip. He pushed her through the air again, murmuring something incredibly demeaning about somebody called a "Brazilian." Trying to keep his words out of her mind, she telekinectically worked away at loosening Gim's fingers. One by one, each finger came loose and Lyra began to float up on a cloud of magic. Finally, the last finger released its grasp, and Lyra drifted weightlessly up and away. Devoid of something to hold on to, Carmichaels' hands dropped back to his sides. He rolled over, sleeping as if nothing had happened.

Lyra let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Hovering out the door, the thought to herself, Don't mess with a sleeping human. Duly noted.

Intermission Three

Excerpt from Tales of Mysterie and Magick, Canterlot Archives, Page 140 (translated to modern Equestrian):

The Tale of the Sun Dragon

Once upon a time, there was a peaceful farming village in the far west. The village lay on the largest plain in the land, and the soil was soft and fertile. Everypony worked together to tend the farms, and they lived in comfortable prosperity.

But in the sky far above, the Sun watched the little village. It was jealous of their happiness and wealth, and thought that the ponies there did not need the sun to be happy. And so, on the sixth new moon of the year, it sent a disciple to teach the village a lesson: the Sun Dragon.

It came from the sky at midnight, trailing its gigantic tail of fire. It had a hundred eyes, and flew on no wings but those of wind and fire. When the dragon came to ground, the very earth beneath it trembled and flew away on the wind. The Sun Dragon, colored of the storm and larger than the sea, landed on sixty legs with a sound to wake every villager from their beds. As they drew nearer to the great beast, they felt that it glowed and burned with the heat of a thousand times a thousand forges at its anger toward the village. Wherever it cast an eye, those fixed by its gaze became fire and ash.

For forty days and nights the Sun Dragon lay near the village. The torn and sickly earth it cast up whilst landing blanketed the fertile plain, and the fire in its belly turned the land to so much dust and poisonous ash. Those who came too close to it were either burned away or died from the plague days later. All the while, the villagers prayed to the Sun for forgiveness, promising never to take its might in vain again. And on the fortieth day, the Sun obliged and told its disciple to return to it after one final lesson.

Glowing once again with the Sun's power, the Sun Dragon raised itself to the sky, roaring like a thunderstorm all the while. Opening its maw, it pulled every pot, kettle, plow, and tool through the village and towards it, where they were obliterated. The great dragon flew back to the Sun, never to return to Equestria. The mighty nest it made became known as Dragon's Landing, and the people moved their village far away from the blighted lands. And never again did they forget the might of the gods.

Intermission Two

Canterlot Archives: Resource Zeta-116 (filmstrip)

"We're coming to you from the Canterlot Number Three telescope, where this massive device of ocular visualization has been specially rerouted for one task: to follow a fantastic object in the sky. That object is the mighty high-flying airship of the daring unicorn aeronaut, Shining Skies! Right now he's miles above the ground, and nearing the edge of our atmosphere. Soon, he'll become the highest-flying pony in all of Equestria!"

A brief pause as the small wood-and-canvas craft rises through the thin air.

"Is it-- ...Yes. We've just received a report that he has, in fact, reached the highest point that balloons will carry him. Watch now, filles and gentlecolts, as he uses his powerful magic to rise even higher!"

Another pause. A spot of light.

"What--What's happening?"

The light grows brighter.

"Mares and gentlecolts, we're stumped over here as to what's going on aboard Shining's craft. It looks as if the sunlight has been focused on the ship, almost as if--"

Screams. A brighter light.

"Sweet Celestia, it's burned up! The craft is in a hundred pieces, falling back to the ground! Words cannot express the tragedy, the terror! And poor Shining, the brave aeronaut, falling down with the remains of his once-proud airship!"

The burned wreckage tumbles downward through the darkened skies. A figure in a full-body leather suit glows with a reddish light, and the ship falls away from it. The telescope struggles to keep up as Shining Skies slowly decelerates, falling towards the earth.

"Looks like the quick-witted Shining Skies has cast a similar spell to the one he used on his airship...on himself! He's falling safely now, or as safe as an aeronaut miles up in the air can be. Terrible shame that the mighty airship, pride of Equestria, made in thousands of hours and bits, has fallen to land like a smashed toy."

A pause of several minutes as the unicorn finally touches down safely amidst the charred fragments of what once was his trusty airship.

"And thanks to some quick thinking, Shining Skies has returned safely from a terrible disaster in the sky. Celestia only knows why this cataclysmic conflagration has come about."