Operation Northwest Passage

Lyra's hooves rang out on the polished cobblestones as she walked up one of Canterlot's main avenues. A splitting headache and an oatmeal-scented mane was all she had as a souvenier for the events of earlier. Passing through the oddly barren streets, the turquoise unicorn let her head fall. Ever since she stumbled across that book in a dusty old wing of the Canterlot Archives, the concept of humans plagued her mind. The very idea that there was another sentient race so unlike her own was so boggling that their image filled here every waking moment, so much that they even began to appear in her dreams. After all those years of study with no definite proof, Lyra was willing to write off the experience as a product of an overstressed mind.

She sighed heavily. Maybe it was finally time to give up. Maybe there wasn't really such a thing as--

Her ears flicked up. Somepony was walking around up ahead. Considering the fact that everypony else in the city seemed to have decided to lock themselves inside, the presence of anypony at all was quite strange.

Lyra stopped dead, listening as the sound of muted hoofsteps drew closer. A sudden thought wafted through her head: What if she wasn't supposed to be outside? Was there some air-raid drill she wasn't informed of? Wouldn't they have said something when she got off the train yesterday? What if Canterlot was under attack? What if--

A pair of figures rounded a corner up ahead. One was clearly a unicorn. The other...

A cluster of neurons in the back of Lyra's brain sounded out. No, they said. No, that isn't possible. You just spent the past half-hour convincing yourself that.

The tall biped broke into a jog. Its features came into view.

The same neurons spoke up again. Okay, we've got nothing. You're on your own.

Lyra's brain as a whole fired up. No. No. What? No way.

Gim stopped in front of the dazed unicorn. A smile worked its way across his face.

"Lyra. I've been looking for you. Lieutenant Gim Carmichaels, at your service."

No. Not possible.

Carmichaels continued. "All these years, you've been looking. Searching for proof that humans existed. It's been your life's work. Nopony ever believed you.

"Thanks for always believing in us. Ponies like you are what gave me the hope to come here."

There was a long silence as Lyra's brain ran as fast as it could go. Then, a clattering of hooves as the sea-green unicorn ran forward and collapsed against Gim. Rough, racking sobs filled the air. Awkwardly, the human raised a hand and patted her on the back.

"It's...it's okay. Everything's all right now. Your work hasn't been in vain."

Lyra lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed at him with shining eyes. "How? How did you come here?"

A short laugh escaped from the lieutenant's throat. "Matter of fact, the story of my team and I isn't that far off from yours. We had a dream, and nothing would stop us from pursuing it. The possibility that there were other sentient species out there was too much to drop. Then, a few months ago, we had a breakthough. Soon enough, I came on through to Equestria! And then, uh," -his gaze flicked to one side- "some things happened, and I had to head home. But now I'm back, and I need your help."

Lyra sniffled. "You need my help? I-Of course! But with what? Why?"

"Why, because you're the preeminent scholar on human history in Equestria, of course! And to complete the tasks ahead of me, I need to know everything you do about humans. I need to find proof, very...tangible proof, that we've been here before. Once I recover a certain artifact that we think a human left here long ago, I'll be able to complete my mission."

Twilight, who had up until this moment been observing the events placidly, now spoke up. "So that's what you were talking about with that box earlier. That's why you ned our help."

Gim nodded. "Exactly. And if we want to get researching, we're going to need a library."

Twilight's ears perked up. Carmichaels spoke again.

"We're going to need a very big library."

A sly grin worked its way across the lavender unicorn's face.

"I think I might be able to find one of those."

"The Ivory Tower?"

"The Ivory Tower."

The Ivory Tower, former home of Twilight Sparkle, current home of one wing of the Royal Library, and an aboveground entrance to the Canterlot Archives, stood as proudly as it had when Twilight left it some years ago. Upon the trio's approach, its doors swung open with the barest hint of magic. Twilight glanced back at Gim and Lyra sheepishly.

"Princess Celestia said she would always leave the tower ready in case I needed to come back. I didn't think she would actually stick to her word!"

As they walked in, their feet and hooves left footprints in the fine layer of dust. Aside from a dustless track left by some patrolling maintenance crew, it was obvious that nopony had been in the tower for quite some time. Gim let out a low whistle, craning his neck to see up the spiral staircase.

"Quite the place you had here, Twilight."

"It is, isn't it? Let's see...the main library wing's on the first two floors, living space on the next two, and the study's on the top." She turned to Gim, her voice eager. "Where should we start?"

As if on cue, Gim's stomach rumbled out a low, basso note. "Well, according to my stomach, I haven't eaten in eight hours. We're going to have to start there. Is there some way to get some grub in here?"

Twilight pondered this for a moment. "Well, there's a dragonfire dumbwaiter so we can get produce, but somepony'd have to cook it. That's...usually Spike's job."

The human clapped his hands together merrily. "Leave that to me! You two might want to start getting some beds set up while I get cooking...I think we're going to be here a while."

Lyra jumped to the occasion. "Of course! Come on Twilight, let's get going!" She bounded off eagerly towards the staircase, dragging the other unicorn behind.

Gim picked his way through the undersized kitchen. Sifting through the cupboards, he eventually came across one that resembled a tiny freight elevator. On the inside of the door, a scrawled note read:

1. Write order on notepad

2. Close door, pull rope

3. Wait for order to arrive

He picked up the notepad inside, scratching out a few produce items. Tapping the pencil against his chin, he added another line to the makeshift grocery list:

1/2 fresh dead cow, sliced

After a moment's deliberation, he scratched the last line out. That's...probably a bad idea. Dang.

A pair of unicorns murmured quietly over the sounds of incredibly violent cooking emanating from downstairs.

"Okay, we're going to have to do something."

Lyra tucked a sheet under an overstuffed mattress. "Yeah. I've got a plan."

"Really? Fast worker, aren't you?" Twilight absentmindedly scooted a pillow across the floor.

"You could say I've been planning this for a while."

"Point. When are you going to do...whatever it is you're going to do?"

"Midnight. I'll let you know how it works out."

"Outstanding." The lavender unicorn levitated a quilt atop the old bed she used so long ago.

A loud shout of "Soup's on, everypony!" rang through the tower, followed by racous laughter. The unicorns glanced at each other, and trotted down to survey the damages.

The atmosphere of the third floor was choked with a smoke that smelled faintly of ozone. By some miracle of thermodynamics, Gim had managed to cook a steamed vegetable medley, a chilled Caesar salad, and an inexplicably hot cobbler with nothing more than a gas stovetop, two shotgun shells, and a set of engineer's calipers.

There was a soft thud as a pair of jaws impacted the floor.

Carmichaels pushed a welding mask off of his face, revealing a soot-stained and cheesy grin. "What do you think? I did the best with what I could get."

He strode across the room, pushing open a window to let the acrid smoke blow out. The two mares just watched, gaping, as he discarded the welding mask and collapsed into a chair at the dining table. Gim chuckled and pushed another chair out from the table with one foot. "Well, are you two going to stare, or help me finish all this? I can only stomach so much salad."

At least an hour later, every plate in the tower was picked clean. Twilight was slumped across a third of the table in a food coma, moaning something about telescopes and cologne. The rest of the table was covered in diagrams painted in apple paste, where the lieutenant was explaining the principles of astrodynamics to an enraptured Lyra. Gim jabbed at one such diagram with a carrot-and-cordite scented finger.

"And that, my dear, is how you complete a Hohmann transfer orbit in a binary system." He leaned back in his chair triumphantly.

Lrya let out a low whistle. "Wow. That might have been the most impromptu physics lecture I've ever had."

Carmichaels sucked cobbler remnants off of one finger. "If you can get more impromptu than that, I want to see where you went to college!"

The sea-green unicorn began scooting plates and trays over to one side of the table, giggling softly. "Yeah, we didn't have anything this interesting at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Mostly just dusty old professors and books taller than I was."

A teal aura surrounded the semiconscious Twilight as Lyra attempted to lift her off the table. The lavender unicorn did little more than become unstuck from the detrius of the meal before sinking back down. Lyra glanced at Gim sheepishly. "Uh...can I get a hand?"

"Certainly!" With one swift motion, the human lifted Twilight from the table and slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Alright, where are we taking her? I'm afraid I don't know where the bedrooms are."

"Right this way." Lyra led Carmichaels up the stairs and to one of the bedrooms, where a recently-made bed lay. Like a man carrying his firstborn, the human gently placed Twilight atop the overstuffed mattress. A few flashes of teal telekiniesis were all it took to cover up the now-snoring unicorn. The two other inhabitants of the tower eased out of the bedroom, sliding the door shut.

Gim wiped sweat off his brow. "Well, I'd call that a successful first day in Equestria. What say we get some sleep, then start our research in the morning?"

"Good enough for me! Pleasant dreams."

"G'night."

Hours later, the tower was filled with quiet snoring and the various other sounds of restful sleep. Despite the fact that his legs hung a good foot and a half off the end of the bed, Gim was just as unconscious as the lavender unicorn in the next room. Cross-universe teleportation, summoning lightning, and explaining physics could take it out of anyone. He let out a rather earth-shaking snore just as a door creaked open and faint light filtered into the room. On the other side of the door, Lyra screwed her eyes shut, steeling herself for the task at hand. Gritting her teeth, she eased the door further open and sidled in.

Lyra slowly made her way over to the comatose human, eyes taking in every aspect of his bipedal frame. She flicked her gaze about the room, trying to find anything she could use for information. Then, in a flash of insight, she remembered the heavy greatcoat he wore. If he had anything on him, she thought, it'd probably be in that coat's pockets.

Resolute in her decision, she now made her way towards the side of the bed, where Carmichaels had discarded his trusty greatcoat. A tiny flicker of magic enveloped her horn, and the coat rolled over and began to rise into the air.

***

Fact: The Helios greatcoat issued to high-ranking Heavy Assault officers is a marvel of clothing design. Interweaved layers of steel scale, small-ring chain mail, and modern Kevlar sheets have made the average officer nearly invulnerable to light attacks to the torso. In addition, the incredible amount of pockets and mount points allow the most prepared to carry an inordinate amount of military hardware without the need for a backpack. Fully loaded, it can weigh well over forty pounds.

The benefits of having a coat that rattles, clanks, and jingles like a steam locomotive are still under review.

***

With the sound of a thousand sleigh bells, the coat rose into the air. Several small metal boxes fell from various pockets and thudded against the floorboards. Lyra froze, flicking her gaze towards Gim. In response, he coughed, rolled over, and continued snoring.

Horseapples. Don't risk it, Lyra. Just look for something else to study.

...Well, now would be a perfect chance to do some biological examinations.

She cast a tiny light into the air, using its dim glow to observe the foreign form. She gingerly stepped around the bed, taking mental snapshots to recreate later. Although satisfied with some of her results, there was still something that she wanted to look at.

Gim's right hand hung over the edge of the bed enticingly. Lyra bit her lip. On one hoof, he probably wouldn't take kindly to me doing examinations like this when he's awake. Now's a good chance to do some research. On the other hoof, what if he wakes up?

Another voice spoke up in her head. Do it, Lyra.

"Alright," she whispered. With a turquoise glow, Gim's loose hand rose slowly into the air. Lyra twisted it about and manipulated the fingers, trying to get an idea of how the thing functioned. She was about to test how far it could bend when a voice rang through the still air.

"What are you doing?" Gim said uneasily.

Once again, Lyra froze.

In Gim's head, there was quite the party going on. He and the Mercury Seven astronauts were engaged in a rather spirited game of double-stick ice hockey against the entire Brazilian World Cup soccer team.

Swinging madly with a hockey stick in each hand, he drilled the puck towards the Brazilian side. It drilled its way through one of the opposing team, who turned into a cockatoo and flew indignantly away.

John Glenn hovered up next to Gim over the wildly wobbling ice. "Great game we're having," the astronaut remarked.

Carmichaels nodded, idly folding on of his sticks into a tesseract. "Yeah. Too bad we couldn't get Neil to play goalie, though."

Glenn shrugged and swung at the puck, hitting it although it was on the other side of the rink. "I dunno. I mean, he's a great pitcher, but--" Glenn suddenly jumped and grabbed Gim's right hand. Twisting it about, he wiggled the fingers experimentally.

"What are you doing?" Gim said uneasily, starting to sink through the floor in his confusion.

Gim spoke again in the silence of the bedroom. "I don't care what the price of bread on the moon is. What matters is what you're doing right now."

Lyra started. She hadn't said anything, and yet he was still acting like someone had responded.

"No, no...You don't understand. You have to eat the sandwiches." Gim jerked his hand our of her telekinetic grasp and drove it into the pillow. "Go sell more of our shares in France."

Oh, Lyra thought, relieved. He must have some vivid dreams.

Following an incredible ten-point turnaround, Gim and the astronauts stood on the ice to receive their prize. Strung together in the air by candyfloss ropes, the Brazilian team glared down maliciously from the ceiling.

With a gibbering reversed fanfare, William Shatner and a deep-gray alicorn walked through the wall and onto the rink. Turning to his companion, the actor waved a hand. The alicorn conjured a glimmering silver trophy from thin air and floated it, spinning gently, to the winning team. Glenn caught the trophy and held it aloft, cheering. The entire team erupted into thunderous applause and shouts, jumping and clamoring for the gigantic silver cup. Glenn laughed merrily and tossed it to Carmichaels, who held it over his head, daring the losing team to come and get it.

Lyra suddenly found herself held aloft upside-down, bobbing gently. She looked towards the floor and saw the unconscious human, his head lolled at a boneless angle, holding her up in the air in a death grip. He pushed her through the air again, murmuring something incredibly demeaning about somebody called a "Brazilian." Trying to keep his words out of her mind, she telekinectically worked away at loosening Gim's fingers. One by one, each finger came loose and Lyra began to float up on a cloud of magic. Finally, the last finger released its grasp, and Lyra drifted weightlessly up and away. Devoid of something to hold on to, Carmichaels' hands dropped back to his sides. He rolled over, sleeping as if nothing had happened.

Lyra let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Hovering out the door, the thought to herself, Don't mess with a sleeping human. Duly noted.