Anything goes

by nukenutz

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Human, Dark, Alternate Universe, Romance
Length: 3594

called anything goes for a reason

I wonder what weird random things can happen to u in equestria, allot of things: Frien so sad now she wants to commit sepuku or having your own arm chopped off

–theme music Rifle breeder TAPS
Mature story because of gore and language

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-27 17:40:33 UTC

You got time to duck

Prologue

"It's very claustrophobic in here"

"Especially with that smell"

Look at yourself anon you're talking to the silence again so...

Stop it

"Hehe stahp eet."

"Ok really stop it".

"Keep quiet!"

"Ok seriously stop talking to yourself anon."

"YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO"

"YES I CA..."

I heard a knock from the door as I kept arguing with myself, I let out a an annoyed grunt and headed for the door.

I opened the door to nothing and almost thought i was going crazy.

"You are me and I am you"

( if you got this reference before I told you its a far cry reference den your all good)

As I went back in I felt a little 'Not right'

But the next thing that happened made me almost piss myself

Pinkie LITERALLY teleported into my face and tackled me

"HI!"

And I let out the most feminine scream on this side of the universe

"Pinkie dont scare me like that"

"Sorry i just saw your weird looking house and I couldn't wait to see whats inside! And how do you know my name?"

"I can read your mind"

"Ah that's just super duper can you teach me?!"

"Yes you must go out of my house about 20 metres away and not come back for 15 hours."

"That sounds easy, see you in fifteen hours!"

I let out a sigh and immediately closed the door after she was outside

"Ok I just need to get to the border and smuggle the diamonds"

"Your gonna what now?" Came a tomboyish voice outside

"I opened the door (nearly broke it) and yelled out "DO YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO, GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!"

"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the tree."A cyan pegasus with rainbow mane landed infront me

"Raciest." I muttered under my breath

"Non non when were you gonna tell me uhh us that you were leaving?"

"I'm not leaving unfortunately I just have to give my friend some diamonds."

"Oh wow sounds like a very important business trip"

She gave me a sarcastic glare if that's even possible

"Look they are very valuable people kill each other for these babies. They are called blood diamonds and are high demand on the black market."

"Ohh humans kill each other for things that I can find under 4 inches of dirt. I just dont get you guys."

"Me too."

After a minute of awkward silence

She flies away obviously aware of me staring into space.

I remember seeing a funny video of how a guy got killed by a ghost

The king was sleeping and a ghost came in a poked him in the tit with a sword

The king said "can you not" and the ghost was like " I can" so he poked him a little harder

And the kind replied "im gonna throw up my arms like this to show how many fucks i give"

So then he died in a badass position

"Uhh im rambling in my head again."

Better get going

2hrs later...

"Are you there yet"

"Yes i am"

"Ok just try not to get caught, if you do i have a special plan."

"Should I ask?"

"You will disagree with it."

I got up to the guard and search officer at this point

Wait so you know in airports and borders you feel like your in trouble even though your not

Ok just checking.

"May i see your bag sir?"

I reply by setting it down

The officer then looks at me and holds out my diamond from South Africa.

"Sir where did you get this?"

"From a warlord on earth."

"And not to intrude, but how do i know you didn't steal it?"

"Anon duck now!"

I listened to the voice and saw the guards life disappear infront of my eyes in the blink of an eye, the mare officer and I shared the same shocked look and we both stayed still.

I heard a few voices that sounded like Russian and I stared at the direction it was coming from a bunch of men wearing gas masks were searching the area

I stood up and grabbed the bag, when I tried to crouch again, but one of the Russians saw me and pointed his gun.

He started to shout something i couldn't understand and walked closer, before he could get 5 feet of me one of his men in the backround got speared through the head, and silence was the opposite ambience that happened after

Every one is shooting or casting spells or smashing each other's face in.

I looked to see if the mare is still here and she is taking cover ,so I move up to her but duck down to avoid a frost spell, I try again but in prone and successfully get to her cover.

"Are you hurt?!"

"This is all your fault!"

"I didnt want this!"

I stood up but got cut down by a knife to the arm and fell flat on my rear,

The pain was excruciating and i screamed out a far cry for miles or radius.

I questioned myself why it was so painful and stared at my arm.

It had a pale white look and the cut was worse it had a black veiny look like something from a zombie movie.

Everywhere I looked it was black and white besides the mares green eyes, she started to say words unintelligible by me and held my arm she kept on talking, slowly the world around me returned and the noise died down besides a a pained groan of a stallion nearby,

"Can you hear me now?"

"Y.. Yes."

"Look we need to cut your arm off."

"Wait what!"

"Its gonna kill you if you dont! Cutting off the poison from you body is what we must do."

" 'We' since when did..."

I was inturupted by the groaning of a dying stallion

I didn't even say anything as I stood up and walked to the sound, funny enough the mare follows on.

On the floor is a stallion spear through his shoulder bleeding out

"My god, Walt"

"It's ok we can get this spear lets just..."

I looked to the mare and Walton

"Walt dont give me that look!"

"You're gonna be ok just remove..."

after that attempt Walt spoke his last words:

"N no it's just an ... Anon listen get the d.. diamonds to...

After a few seconds waiting i asked

"Walt, Walton to where?!"

His eyes turned to stare at the last thing he would ever see: the carousel boutique sign

"Walt, Walt!?"

I stared at his corpse and stoked his eyes closed

After an eternity of remembering his legacy I stood up and stared at my poison mark,

I started to walk around looking for a sharp object, after looking around at the skirmish ruins i found a saw.

I picked it up and stared at it for a long time.

If I go to the hospital I might die on the way , if I cut it off i might die in an excruciating way

Choices choices

The mare walked up to me adopting a face of grief, and just sitting there in silence

Ok I made my choice cut it off

"Um miss"

"Winter breeze"

"You might wanna cover your eyes"

She obeys by walking to a nearby building

"Ok anon you can do this just dont think about the pain"

What started out as a burning sensation quickly turned into and excruciating agony and I let out the biggest scream my lungs could hold, you can never imagine the pain that was going through me right now, I quickly stopped quarter way through tired and out of energy, winter turned around and cantered right to me and took the saw.

" Look I'll help you just dont think about it too much"

I nodded as she starts to cut my arm off ,with no mercy either

"F .. Fuck!"

"I know I know!"

I was trying told myself down not to rip someone's face off or punch down a building

"Just put your hand on my shoulder."

I tried to hold on to her to stay in Equis and not to fade while trying to relieve the pain, and at this point I couldn't even hear myself screaming anymore.

"It's ok I know it hurts, just stay with me."

Now I cant feel my arm any more and the pain is dying down so did my screaming.

Winter breeze was done and galloped away from me.

I turned my head to the left and looked at my arm around it was flesh and blood everywere and a few inches away was the bone pieces.

Winter breeze came back with a first aid kit and took out the bandages and wrapped them around my stub with care

"Hey can you hear me?"

"Yes."

That voice i didnt know, it sounded very pale and lifeless

"Dont fall asleep and look at me. Help is gonna arrive soon."

She used her hooves to hold my face to keep me awake

"Look this wasn't your fault i checked the bodies they are russian and we were caught in the middle of it."

"Winter get the bag."

Before telling me ok or yes she gets the bag immediately

"Thank you."

"No problem I swear"

"Hello is anpony here?"

Comes a voice not too far away

"We're here"

As the medic approaches his face looks like he saw a ghost

"Ok get him to the ambulence quickly!"

The medic pulls something out of his pocket and injects me with it and that's the last thing i remembered before I blacked out.

G r avity

"What's so important about her?"

"She makes dubstep."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hello?"

"Oh sorry I thought that will be a good enough reason for you"

"Seriously?"

"I can't handle the seriousness right now"

"Anon there are tons of music out there..."

"Toilet spergle you need to understand..."

"What's with the broken Equish as well?"

Listen what if there was only one pony that makes books and I say: Oh that's boring why don't you play outside or something.

"Anon honestly there is way more music..."

"Oh look at the clock I gotta go play far cry or something!"

"Wait anon!"

Slam! The door shouted as I um as I guess (slammed it)

The streets/paths weren't all that crowded after Valentine's Day. There probably getting busy or snuggling up to each other.

It's nice to hear my footsteps for a change.

"hello"

I honestly shouted that for no reason, another thing I did for no reason was buy a newspaper from the box.

"Why did I do that"

When I arrived to my house I found something on my doorstep, it's a small paper and its neon blue? On closer inspection it has writing on it ( obvious is obvious), the thing says

Hey I saw you in town eyeballing me and your not so bad yourself handsome, mabye we can know each other inside and out.

Here's a freebie

Wub : DJ PON3

Ok so first thing I notice is she's obviously getting fresh with me

2 I looked at her in a surprised facial expression yesterday for 24 seconds

3 she didn't put her name in

I forgot to mention this is a club pass

"Ok so I will go there at... Idunno fricken 6:00 or something"

Ok then anon logic don't fail me

G R AVITY

When I got to the club it said it was closed but my space ticket started flickering and the door opened

"I am a wizard of opening doors!"

No one no pony no griffon no problem.

I sat down on one of the many empty chairs and looked to the pitch black stage.

"I defenetly came too early."

I stood up but the stage lit up in white. Is this what I think it is?

I got myself a private preformance don't I?

"Anon the human are you ready to drop through the floor and deeper?!"

Just to make it funny I clapped my hands slowly and yelled woo go DJ go

She started up a song I have heard before but then it turned foreign to me it's big in da clubs I think

The music was so loud it made me turn around to see if the club windows are still on

Suddenly a white flash blinked in my vision and suddenly the disc jockey is kissing me with her front hooves around my neck and strangely my arms are around her back.

"Mmhff."

I tried to speak but her lips wouldn't let go.

I looked down and I'm sitting on the counter of the bar and the clock on the ground says it been 2 hours already!

She opened her eyes and released my lips.

"What's wrong baby?"

"I don't know what the heck is going on!"

"Oh right I forgot, don't worry this will make it better."

The alabaster mare grabbed somthing next to me.

"A syringe?"

but she heard that and jabbed me with it.

"Wait what DJ..?"

"Shh don't worry you can call me vinyl."

I blacked out but at the same time I didn't because it was one second

But the black was replaced with a color that no man no pony no God would ever imagine.

It was sort of flaring at me and it almost walked over to me.

The unknown color turned white and it's top turned turquoise then dark blue.

"How's it feel?

Then I felt something it felt familiar but it grew better and better and it was low...

"Uhh!"

Another sound and the shape grew a feature on its top it was red and I felt uneasy after that.

I wasn't really able to see my own form but I can still feel thing and I tried to move my hands and I touched something warm and furry,

I moved my hands around the shape I was touching and the shape made another sound it was like a feminine laugh.

Again the shape grew another feature: a muzzle.

Whatever I was doing I was sort off forming this shape and the more it makes sounds the better my senses kick in.

So I moved my hands up and down left to right and the enity moaned more and more and I felt my legs and they seemed to be thrusting.

I asked myself what am I missing here is it supposed to be obvious?

My curiosity took over and I thrusted harder and harder, I mean what could I loose to find out?

"T-that's what I like in a stallion"

My hearing came back and I herd a sweet smacking sound. Wait what?

"I'm getting close!"

She speaking for the both of us for I feel something's gonna happen. Wait I can't even think for myself SHE which SHE?

"Uh I-I love you!"

I released something but in my hypnotic state, I don't know what I did but fortunitly the form turned into something...

"Vinyl?! "

the mare didn't respond she just leaned for forward and kissed me passionately

"What just?!"

Vinyl moved her muzzle to my ear and whispered

"You know everypony always say I'm not good at being feminine with my words but I love you a lot Anon I really do."

She turned her back around to fall asleep on my chest.

I looked around and saw that I was naked but my shirt and fluids all over my pants

"We fucked, didn't we?"

"We certainly did."

I moved my arms to my pants and put them on.

"No don't leave me."

She said tired and lazily in a damsel in distress fashion.

"I won't. And I hope this dries when I get to my house."

                    *********

While I was carrying lard flank to my place I kind of wondered...

How did I get mixed in with a dubstep godus ( not that I'm complaining though)

And why the hell did I loose time that fast?

She is pretty but this is confusing

Just enjoy things in life Anon...

The door was in my face after that last thought, and I opened it with my face because my hands are in 404 now.

Vinyl is fast asleep and as soon as I push her away she grabs hold of me and speaks in sleep language

"Nahhh a don wann..."

I'm not tired right now I slept the whole day for the mini concert.

So what natural Logic I have I play dead island.

Two minutes later I am already running around in game not really having a direction.

I look around my home and it's really dark just the TV giving light my eyes look down and I see vinyl snuggling into me like an alive teddy bear.

"Daww."

I reach my hand off the controller and on to her back and stroke it like a baby panda.

She's sleeping right, so that means she can't see me.

I experiment with this and move the mares head around, nope she asleep.

I move my head closer to hers and smell it.

It smells of cheap MALE spray I used to get back on earth the name is forgotten to me but I have it on the tip of my tongue

But as I was thinking a walker came up to my character

Oh noes the walkerz eez terp prioritiez run little mole men run.

I effortlessly blew the monsters head off and didn't even notice

I stared back at scratch and she hasn't moved at all and this bores me and my eyes go lower and lower until I'm at her...

If two genders love each other the female considers that she is his girl so does that mean vinyl is mine?

Well if she's mine then that means I can do whatever I want with her.

I move my hand down her body until I'm at her slit to get a sense of how it feels.

It feels soft and mushy and also different.

sympathy

Beep! Beep! beep!

The alarm wakes me up with its signature sound the bleepin bleep beep

"Vinyl?"

I turned to see nopony but me and my half arm, just a dream

"Well I guess I'm all right now."

The alarm's time is 12:30

"Why do I have an alarm that is set to 12:30."

"Hey anon!"

A point blank voice called out.

"Oh uh um yes?"

I turn around and see a colorful blue Pegasus looking at me.

"Pinkie has been knocking at your door for ages!"

"Ok then."

"Have you been listening to me!"

"Si"

Please go away! Please go away!

"What?"

"BYE!"

I ran out my room to get off sight of her.

"Knock knock!"

Those are verbal knocks coming from my... Well, my door!

I opened the door and pinkie is there with a Massive cake.

"Hey Nonny!"

"Wazup?"

"Oh no you shouldn't have."

I said in a sarcastic voice.

"Oh right sorry, your bummed out cause of the whole arm thing don't worry I'll help you eat the cake."

"No no no it's ok!

Just I have to pick something up Today."

"I'll come with you then!"

"No you don't have to.."

Pinkie hugged me in response.

Her body is so soft and warm and I felt my hands around her back.

"I'm here for you."

She whispered in a calm sympathetic voice.

I never had a hug like that in a while,

I'm always alone and not that social(on purpose of course),

It just feels nice.

"Anon?"

"Oh sorry!"

*********************************************************************************

"So anon what's your real name?"

"Why don't you tell me what's your name?"

"Pinkie pie is my name silly!"

"I doubt it."

"Why do you doubt it?"

"Your a very popular one in ponyville and popular people keep secrets and I'm thinking that you wanted to be called something else, something shorter."

"Whaaat noo! I don't keep..."

'Pinkie' stares at the side of the path as we're walking in the ever free in a very negative expression.

"Sorry I ask..."

"It's Pinkamena Dian Pie."

"What?"

"My name."

"Oh..."

The rest of the walk was silent besides our hoof/foot steps, even when I found the package with my robotic arm I picked it up without a single word.

"Pavel."

"Huh?"

"That's my real name."

"Oh..."

"Don't tell anyone."

"Don't ever call me Pinkamena."

"Your secrets' safe with me."

We both said at the same time.

After that we looked at each other as if we saw each other for the first time.

Pinkie stared at me in silence and smiled,

And returned it.

We looked back at the path hoofsteps and footsteps in sync probably thoughts in sync too.

"So how does it work?"

"It?"

"You know, the thing!"

"The what?"

"Arm!"

"Oh, that thing."

"Whatever."

"It connects to my 'life force' and it responds to my thoughts."

"Really? Where did you get it from?"

"Borderlands."

Pinkie just stared at me in confusion.

"Borderlands is a cel shaded game."

She gave me that look again but her eyes are half closed like she's trying to read something.

"Cel shaded."

"Ceelll shaded."

"Cel."

She was still staring like that probably on purpose.

"Pinkie!"

"Yes?"

"Celestia got it for me!"

"Ohh I get it."

I tried to facepalm but my good arm it occupied, so I just tsked.