The Reality of it All

Every day I struggle with my life. I have a few... Disabilities, as I like to call them... One being a slight retardation, and the other being my eyes...  If you haven't guessed already, I am Derpy Hooves. I am stuck in my life. I can never tell what is right between what is wrong. I have made bad decisions in my life. And I felt I needed to share it to somepony, and that certain pony being you.

Every day I pray to God to end it all... I can never get over the fact that I will never succeed. I will never win. I think I started to realize my problem when I failed flight school. I could never get over that. I knew that I was a faliure, and I am pretty sure all the other ponies did, too. After I failed, I resorted to drinking and doing drugs. Every single God damned day was constant repeat of the last. Wake up. Drink. Drugs. Sleep. I never ate, most likely because of the fact I spent all my bits on drugs and alcohol.

I also think this was when I had my daughter, Ditzy. I wish I could do better for her...

Ditzy is around 7 now, and she is severely depressed. The main reason is because all the other fillies torture her for having a "retarded mom". I can't believe it is my fault for her depression. But I know I must guide her on the right track so she doesn't end up like me.

Come to think of it, Ditzy is one of the two people I trust. The other being a stallion named Icefire. In fact, he is the one who impregnated me with Ditzy. God, I loved him. And I sort of still do, too. But when I told him that he was going to have a daughter, he stormed off. A few days after I had Ditzy, he came back and started to accept the fact that he had a daughter. Even though we don't live together, we still are very close. Ditzy looks up to him as a father figure, and I am proud of that. He will sometimes visit and play with Ditzy and even spend some time with me. I don't really care about the time me and him spend together, but when he spends time with Ditzy, I am always happy. It seems like it was meant to be.

Maybe I should start looking at the good things in life.

Or maybe I can't, I don't know...

You might be asking; how do you support your family? Well, as most of you ponies might know, I work as a mailmare. My boss pushes me every day, but I think I can understand why. The company I work for delivers all the mail in Ponyville, so we need to do as much work as possible. Luckily, I can also fly the distance I need to get to places. The bits are barely enough to support me and Ditzy, but it works. I can afford enough for food, and enough for clothes. Nothing extra, though.

Oh, and you also might be asking how my drug and alcohol addiction are doing. Well, I am done with those things. All they did was make my life worse and worse, and doing those things in front of Ditzy would be bad for her. I want her to have the best life possible, as I care for her a lot. Her depression seems a bit better than it was, and I feel good because of that. She is growing up pretty fast, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible.

And my relationship with Icefire? Well, me and him are starting to get back together, and we now sort of live in harmony. He says he might move in soon, and since he has a job, maybe he can help us with our money problem. Maybe now I can finally buy that game Ditzy wants...

Maybe my life isn't so bad. I have an okay job, a very special girl, and a very special somepony.

Maybe I shouldn't kill myself.

But maybe... Just maybe...

I should.

I mean, I certainly would like to. My daughter is still depressed, and I still am being made a fool out of. Everyone laughing at me... It will never end. Unless I find a very special doctor, I don't think I can change my appearance or my intelligence. I will still be a little on the stupid side, and a little funny looking. Everypony will always laugh at me, and in the end, I will probably end it all anyway.

I mean, if I do it now, it will be over quicker. My daughter might be made fun of less, and Icefire may find a better marefriend. My job is terrible, and so is most of my life. I can't continue to live if this is all that is going to happen. What is there to expect?

Something needs to change...

I just wish I knew what needed to.

I just... I just..

I just don't know what went wrong...

~Author's note: This story was unfinished and will probably never be, since it was horrible. The idea was lame, the grammar was horrid, and the story altogether is rushed and ends in a way I do not like. I made this a long time ago, probably sometime in 2012, and never published it, so yeah. If you read this abomination of a story, congratulations. And thanks to

whoever made the picture, I really don't know by now. Thanks for reading, have a good day.

Plus, the name Icefire? I really have no idea where that came from, but I dislike it a lot now.

And if Derpy is retarded, how the hell she can write like this is unknown to me.

Jesus, I hate this fanfic.~