Silly Shorts and Shed Feathers

I can't sleep.  Oh, Celestia, I hate it when I can't sleep any more than little pony naps and the day and night all run together in a big confusing mess.

I need to find Pinkie.   Tell her things are getting out of hoof.  Tell her we need to just chill the buck down.

I wake up in a hotel room, can't sleep, and there's Pinkie staring at me with a huge grin on her face, saying, "Oh, you silly, silly pony!  Tisk, tisk.  Don't you worry your fuzzy little mane, though.  Auntie Pinkie has taken care of that mean old police captain.  He won't be bothering us any more."

Oh, Luna, what has she done?

She goes on.  "I thought we had a deal, my little pony.  I thought you understood the rules.  First rule of Party Club: you don't talk about Party Club.  And the second rule of party club: you don't talk about Party Club.  I made them easy to remember.  Were they too hard to remember?!"

What did you do to the captain, I dare to ask.

"We had a little meeting and planned a little prank," she says.

We got fourteen ninja's from the Surprise Team.  Five of them were cops - even cops love to party.  We surprised the captain on his way home from work.  Six ninjas threw him in an alley up aganst a pile of trash.  Two pegasus ninjas flew up as lookouts and we had two more earth ponies on the ground.

A unicorn silenced his voice.  It happened fast, perfectly to plan.  Six ninjas held his legs and wings down.  He couldn't call for help and his eyes bugged wide as he lay spread-eagled on the plastic bags.

Pinkie slinked up to him, grinning her predatory grin, laying one forehoof against his heaving chest.  His eyes rolled.  "I have a present," she said "For ponies who don't like my parties."

She pulled a glass vial from her saddlebags, set its cold glass against his neck.  "Pure peppermint oil.  Not only does this stuff make delicious peppermint frosting, and peppermint cakes, and peppermint candies, and peppermint omlets, you have to be really careful with it or it'll burn you."

The captain's well-disciplined piss dribbled down his balls, beading on the plastic and soaking his tail.

"It's a really funny sort of burn though.  It hurts and it makes you go numb at the same time.  So that gave me an idea."  Pinkie whispered her hot, sugary breath into the captain's ear.  "We're just a bunch of boring ponies, each with our own super-special talent for mopping floors or taking inventory.  Sometimes we really need music and balloons and sparkles and ice cream and we don't have time for silly rules about permits and health codes."

She backed up and fixed the captain with her adorable cold blue eyes.  "All that stuff makes the fun go away.  And it hurts.  It's a lot like a peppermint burn, but it doesn't smell as nice.  Really, I'd be doing you a favor:  Take away our fun and we take away yours.  That's fair.  The nice smell is one-hundred percent a Pinkie freebiee."

She uncorked the vial, took in in her teeth, held it over the stallion's navel.  The unicorn ninja loosened his gagging spell.

No, said the captain.

Stop.

Please don't.

"Aw can't hur u," said Pinkie.

He cried and shook his head and the ninjas held his limbs and body down in his own fear and piss.

You can party, he said.  Just let me go.  Please.

Pinkie twisted her head and flung the vial away.  "Ooh, that's great news!  I knew you just needed a friendly little talk!"  She kissed his nose, turned, and trotted away.

Another police unicorn stunned him.  We left him in the alley to wake up in a few minutes.  The whole operation took less than five.  We had planned for ten.

Pinkie, I say, we can't do things like that.

She smiles and brushes my mane.  "Deep down inside," she assures me, "you want to.  I wouldn't be here if I wasn't absodutely-lutly sure."

I'm in charge, I say.  You're just a projection of my crazy, dark desires.  I was here first.

"That's sweet," she says.  "But are you sure that YOU are not just my crazy, dark snootyness?"  She leans over and kisses me goodnight.