Starting Up

by kalakala

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 9254

The story of a writer settling into a new life in Equestria, Ponyville to be precise. How will he fare when confronted with the enemy of everyday life in a new world.

Chucked into a new world, a writer is sent to a town named Ponyville, where he has to both get a job and learn all about this new land that he has arrived in, from social conventions to holidays. I not very good at describing stories, so all I can really say is that you should at least give it a read and if you don’t like it then please tell me why in the comments, or alternatively, if you did like, then it would be very nice to hear from you.

Published 2015-01-05 18:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-15 06:50:36 UTC

Chapter One: The Train Journey

Bustling, all around me, these ponies are insufferable, with their long bodies it is very easy to get stuck in a crowd of them. Well, that's not quite true, I’m stuck in the middle of a clear space, surrounded by guards since the Princess didn’t want me to be accosted on my way to a train. It still doesn’t make me feel any better, seeing a crowd from a palace window was alright, but actually being down here, seeing them move around as they do makes me very slightly squeamish. Just something I’ll have to get used to, I guess.

I best elaborate on that train I mentioned, you see I’m being sent to some backwater town called Ponyville, where if the Princess is correct I will meet a guide at the local Library, Golden-Oaks Library, who is apparently quite good at being a guide, an expert in history or social conventions I presume. When I asked how I’d recognise this mystery guide, Celestia simply described her as a lavender mare with a starburst for a cutie mark. Although, she also sent a letter using some kind of combustible flame which is a rather interesting application of magic.

To get back to the present, the train station is now in sight, a small, ornate building on the edge of town which could most likely only hold one train at a time. Whether this means that all the towns connected by train are all on the same line or if they merely converge at Canterlot, I do not know. Going through the wood double doors, I was met with a bench which spanned the length cutting off near the functional end of the area. This area contained a ticket booth and a board with the train timetable, with it’s own map of the route. The room was fairly full, ponies waiting and even I even saw a new species which looked to be leaning more towards the avian side of the equation, given that it had a beak and a tail.

One of the guards, strolled up to the ticket booth, probably the to get a pre-arranged ticket, while I checked the timetable to see when we would be leaving. This question was answered for me as I heard a shrill whistle and a ticket was magically thrust into my hands. I proceeded out onto the platform where I could see the train, the guards left at this point. The train itself was a wonderful example of a steam train, with steel trimmings and wooden carriages.

The crown spared the expense and I was put in the second class carriages, where I found a empty cart(?), opened it up and sat down. It was not long before I was joined by several others, all taking their seats. There was the inevitable staring and uncomfortable glances at me, which was to be expected, due to me being a new species to them. They settled down after we set off and while I sat in silence, they were not and I couldn’t help but listen in. The first one, a grey unicorn mare with a pocket watch for a cutie mark turned out to be a clockmaker, who had been specially contracted to make repairs on the Ponyville town hall clock. Apparently, it was stuck at three hours and fourteen minutes. I was actually quite interested when she started going on about what she thought the problem might be. While I won’t disclose that here, it was very interesting and it passed the time quite well, however I did notice the other two passengers getting slightly sleepy all of a sudden.

Next, was some minor noble who hoped to get a dress from some master designer named Rarity, from the sounds of it he might actually be a nice guy if it weren’t for the fact that from the little I saw in Canterlot of the nobility, they all looked quite snobbish to me. This was only confirmed after he started whining about how he would be in the first class carriages, but they were all taken, this only served to any everyone else in the carriage as the clock-maker did exchange an awkward glance as the final passenger. The only good thing about this guy was that his remark ought up this designer, Rarity, which is a topic that the other passengers were more than happy to chat about.

Apparently, she is one of the best designers in all of Equestria, but for some reason, she is only really known by those in Ponyville and in some social circles in Canterlot. Either way, that is not the only reason she is famous, allegedly, Rarity is part of an elite group called the Elements of Harmony, who have saved Equestria several times. Although, hearing that this world needed saving was quite frightening, more so if the only defense were a small group of ponies.

Moving on, the final passenger was a green pegasus, with a camera for a cutie mark, apparently she was getting a job at the Ponyville Journal, leaving the Canterlot Daily for it. Explaining why, she mentioned all sorts of disasters and events happening at Ponyville, meaning that nowadays more happened in Ponyville in a month, then happened in Canterlot in a year. For example, there was a incident where parasprites ran rampant and nearly ate the whole town. Needless to say, at the end of this I was shitting myself.

Nearing the end of our journey, they actually asked what I was, not who. Taking offence, I told scolded them quickly, before explaining that I was a human, who was going to settle in Ponyville due to having no other choice as I was sent by the crown. Being around them for a while had caused me to also give away most of reasons I was going to Ponyville.

I could tell the Journalist was about to start asking me what I meant by being sent by the crown, from his inquisitive looks when the train let out a cry and it began to roll into the station, Quickly getting up, I was the first out of the oak door and came out the exit of the train. To be met by a wooden platform, several stares and my first sight of Ponyville.

Chapter Two: A Long Walk

Stares. All around me as I exited that train, all focussed on me, the freak, the human. It wouldn’t have been that bad if when I say all around me, I mean everyone on the street was staring right at me, from the tiny little foals to the very large and scary looking adults, and now the train has started to spill its guts, with even more damnable ponies crowding the platform, all watching, all staring. In this moment, I see the true struggle before me, not just settling into a new world, but also letting the new world get settled to me. Let them know that they have nothing to fear. I mean, just because in my world they’re were skittish prey animals, maybe here they don’t have a fear of predators?

The silence was finally broken by the sound of the trains whistle, followed by the heavy sounds of the train leaving the station. Taking advantage of this, I began to slowly walk through the crowd, making sure to move slowly and smoothly so as not to spook them. I hope that I will never experience something so creepy and awkward as having to move through a crowd of staring ponies that only reach my waist ever again. Since the crowd was quite large, I also took the time to appreciate my surroundings, from the looks of it this town had a rustic charm to it with tudor like houses, white walls with wood beams and thatched roofs. All nearly identical except for some bizarre, structural quirks.

I finally reach the end, the crowd now thinning and I can hear the return of activity behind me, I just hope that I won’t experience the same reaction when I get deeper into town. I continued walking for a while, appreciating the clean air for the first time, there was never air like this when I was on earth and I was able to notice it in Canterlot due to the fact that I was in slight shock of the fact that I had come to another world. I continued on like this, ignoring the stares from any stranger who passed, when I realised that I had no idea where I was going. All I had to go on was the fact that my guide was in the local library, she was expecting me and the colour of her coat.

Stopping for a while, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that the only way to find this mystical library was to ask one of the locals. To this design, I was about to find a pony nearby, when one of them approached me. A pink pony with a chaotic, untamed pink mane who had balloons as her cutie mark. I’ll have to check the gender ratios later, I seem to be coming into contact with an abnormal amount of mares. This pink pony approached me, I was about to ask her which way to the library when she released a flurry of words out of her mouth hole and sped off, leaving me completely confused and slightly offended.

After that strange encounter, I manage to talk to one of the passing ponies, ask the question and get directions. Now, I set off again, in the right direction and the rustic charm of the town was apparent to me, with all the buildings built with the same aesthetic it made for a unified and quite lovely image. I passed by the Town Hall and as mentioned by the Clockmaker the clock was stopped, after that I passed two buildings which made me instantly hate, however owned them. As i just mentioned all the other buildings had a unified design, these two however were dastardly creations breaking the pattern and offending the sense of sight. The first one was some bizarre structure made of gingerbread and other such sweets, and the purpose of which i can only presume to be some kind of bakery, it was bad but it might be forgiven.

No, it was the second house which made me completely hate the owner so thoroughly that the first time i see them I shall punch them in the face. It was some gaudy creation with lots of embellishments and unnecessary pomp, scarring the image of the village as a quiet rustic and laid back town, this monstrosity belonged in canterlot where it would hurt no-one. Seething, I noticed that noble from earlier entering the door. I know who owns that house, I know who has such a large ego that they would dare put that piece of shit in this village. Rarity, we will not be friends.

Getting over myself, I continued on strolling towards where I think the library is. For once I was glad, this village seems very nice, despite two exceptions the decor is lovely, the atmosphere is calm and the locals seem friendly enough once I let them get used to me. Already my mind was buzzing with story ideas, some cliche and others not so much. The village romance, the hidden underworld, the Elements of Harmony. I have so much writing to do, and once I’ve written a few books, I might even be able to get one published, although it all depends on what kind of books they already have. I have the advantage of whole other cultures, a whole other world from which to draw from, I could write about the world war, paris, the british empire. History is my playground and I can bring humanity to a whole other world!

But I won’t be able to do anything until i find that damned library, it should just be around that corner…

That corner as it turned out, leads to a large circle with a giant tree in the middle. That in itself is no object of wonder, except maybe for the size of the tree. No the thing that struck me speechless is that his giant tree is inhabited, not by bugs and birds but by the ponies. From what I can see the entire tree has been hollowed out with several points turned to windows or doors. There was even a balcony! Taking deep breaths, I walked over to this tree, more specifically a sign hanging off the tree. “Golden-Oaks Library”. Shaking my head, I turn to the door and knock.

Chapter Three: The Library

Purple. This mare was not lavender, she was purple, pure and simple. Staring up at me with the cutest little horn peeking out of her mane, having just opened the door for me. Clearing my throat, I began to introduce myself, “Good afternoon, my name is Matthew and, if you are indeed Twilight Sparkle, then I have been sent here by Celestia to live with you,” although it was increasingly apparent that this guide of mine was not listening. What she did appear to be doing was examining me with such an intensity that I began to fear for my life. This fear turned to anger when she, rather rudely, began blabbering on, “What species are you? Do you have magic? Can I experiment on you?” and so on so forth. To be quite honest, I was tempted to see just how long she could keep going without any appropriate breathing apparatus. However, I had to halt her, jamming my hand over her muzzle, harder than it looks, did the trick, “I am a human and that is all you need to know, now, as I said I have been sent by Princess Celestia and I think she might be rather angry with me if I have to go back to Canterlot because I can’t live with the mare she stuck me with.”

Needless to say, Twilight Sparkle looked miffed. Ignoring that, I continued on, “I have to say although I might be able to live with you, I could certainly live with this village, the rustic charm and calmness has a very appealing quality to it, except for that garish Carousel Boutique in the middle of town,” if I had thought that Twilight was miffed then, it appears that she has some kind of link to this Carousel Boutique as she instantly started demanding that I take it back. This might have included me being picked up and shook by her telekinesis while she demanded that I take back my insult against her friend. After a while of this, I was eventually put down, falling flat on my face a moment later.

When I could get back up, I stared down that magic abusing, purple, slightly crazy looking horse, sorry, pony and let loose “That building was the single most imbecilic buildings I have ever seen, as a building in it’s own right it is a horrible mess of pomp and ego that provides the beholder with the instant impression that the owner of said building has an ego so large that it encompasses all of time. I won’t even begin to speak of what it does to the entire feel of Ponyville itself, despite that it completely ruins what rustic charm there is,” breathing heavily, I noted the ridiculousness of this entire conversation, an argument based off a single building that one of her friends own. I only went into it because the pissed purple pony felt the need to shake me because of something so inconsequential. Does that mean it’s a big issue in this village, or in this world of magic and ponies, was that building sentient and so somehow her friend?

I didn’t get an answer to these questions, or indeed any answer at all, Twilight had fallen silent. Leaving me to assume I’d won that round, moving on, I had to ask, “Who was the friend I insulted? This Rarity I’ve heard about seems to be a dressmaker, not an architect so why should she be offended if I question the design of her building?” Purple was about to answer this question, when a cat-sized dragon walked in. I might be a stranger to this world, but I was still worried about a dragon with possible fire and a library made out of wood and filled with paper. Twilight however was unaffected and did answer my question “Rarity happens to be one of the best dressmakers out there, but she also has an eye for design and helped to design the building. And no, the building is not my friend, buildings can’t talk. As for you’re staying, since that’s what the Princess asked, you can sleep on the couch,” from the looks of it a hard, stiff couch placed along the wall and under a set of stairs that led up to the upper levels.

I saw the instant need to get my own house, tomorrow I think I’ll take a look around and see if there’s not a job for a human like me. I would say something fiddly that they can’t do with their hooves, but they're more likely to give the job to a unicorn with telekinesis. Maybe something more versatile, with this whole cutie mark business they must be a very specialised race and something that requires a lot of skill and many different activities might be a good thing to aim for. Writings off the list since it’s gonna take a while to write something and then find a publisher. While I’m at it, I might as well look into house prices, see if I can’t find somewhere cheap, although from my first glimpse around the village, while I was walking, there didn’t appear to be anything other than fully detached houses and certainly no large shared accommodation.

That was for tomorrow however, and as it happens I appear to have neglected to say the general time as the sky was now dark and filled with bright stars, as I prepared to go to sleep. the only other problems I can think of that would need to be solved tomorrow would be clothes, didn’t want to walk around in the same clothes for several days, and food, as an omnivore living in what appeared to be a vegetarian's paradise, worse case scenario I scare them all and they run me out of town, best case they’re omnivores to.For now, I lay on this hard, stiff couch and let all of these problems drift off into the darkness of uncomfortable sleep.

Chapter Four: The Tour

Sunlight. Streaming through the window and hitting me square in the face. With a massive back ache from a shitty sofa to top this margherita of misery, which lasted for all of a couple of seconds until my sense of smell caught up with the rest of my body and gave me the smell of fried grass and buttery toast. One of these things were not like the other. At the same time I could begin to hear that sizzling. Dragging myself up, I looked around to find the source of this, locating it to be coming around a corner. With a push, I bought myself over to that corner to turn it and be faced with a kitchen…

Inside a tree, A big, old tree made of a flammable material , the only upside of it burning down is that the food would be smoked, but more probably burnt to a crunchy crisp. I don’t know, maybe these ponies found a way to make entire structures fireproof, if they can build cities on the sides of mountains then they must of faced quite a few architectural problems which could only be solved by magic.

Moving along, the kitchen was pretty much what you’d expect, a few cupboards lining the wall, a table in the centre and a oven. The dragon was currently at that oven preparing what seemed to be four pieces of toast, all of which had grass on top and bizarrely a few red gems, rubies at a quick guess. Does that mean that dragons eat gems here, or did Sparkle have much harder teeth than I had first imagined.

That question was answered for me when Twilight strolled in, levitating two onto a plate nearby, so unless they were expecting me to have teeth the like of a drill then the only logical assumption is that they’re for the dragon, note to self don’t let him bite me. I reached over and took the other two slices for myself, taking the grass off mine. Something that Twilight seemed to notice, not that she said anything about it.

Eating I inquired about her eating habits, very politely I assure you, just a simple “Are a herbivore, yes or no?” I really don’t see how she could take offence to that, but offence she took by being too smart than is reasonable for a purple pastel pony and using what little glimpse of my teeth she had, combined with my taking off the grass and the question i just asked, she came to the conclusion that I was a omnivore, not a carnivore since I was eating the toast.

After a small squabble, during which I may or may not have thrown my plate at her, we both agreed that maybe a tour of the town was a good idea, for me it meant a chance to find a new place to live and for her a good way to get rid of me. A win-win situation. So while she went to get pieces of plate out her mane, I took the time to read one of the newspapers that were lying around. Skipping straight to the employment section, I soon managed to find that there were no jobs where I would not be severely outclassed by those who could fly, do magic or were reasonably strong.

I was just breathing a sigh of relief when Sparkle came back down. Whisking me out the door, while jabbering on about me meeting her friends, first to one who would get me to give up eating meat, another who would beat me up if I went berzerk, a third one who could chase me out of town in a flash, one who would make me friendlier or else and a final one I would have to apologise to.

To spare you the extremely boring details of being dragged around, sometimes literally, for a whole day, the first one was a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, she was shy, liked animals and made absolutely no progress whatsoever towards making me a vegetarian. Then again, I doubt that she could have done that when she only uttered one word to me and I think that was “sorry”, I’m not quite sure due to how quietly she said it.

The next was a burly country mare, orange coat, blonde hair and brown stetson. She didn’t look that tough until I saw her buck a tree and break it in half, only when we were leaving was I informed that the tree was not going to last long with the amount of wood it had around the trunk and was not destroyed just for the fun of it. I made sure to note, never go to Sweet Apple Acres, most of the residents seem absolutely crazy and there was one old mare who was completely senile.

The third one we couldn’t find, all I know about her is what I was told and that is that she’s a very fast pegasus who could cause a rainboom, probably just broke the sound barrier, somehow, and none of these ponies have seen anything like that before.

The fourth one I’d met before and I had no wish to meet again, as soon as I heard the words pink mare and lives in a bakery, I picked Sparkle up and went the other way. I have no wish to meet a mare who talks like a machine gun and if that bakery is the ridiculous structure of gingerbread that I saw yesterday then screw it, I’m leaving.

The fifth Sparkle levitated me to. It was that imbecile named Rarity and seeing, hearing and smelling her in the flesh only confirmed all my prejudices against her, she had a marble white coat with purple, overly styled air, with a severe air of poshness about her that was alienating. Her perfume was too strong and her voice sounded like an impression of what posh people sound like.

When I went into that heathen building I was nearly forced to model for her and while I would like to tell you what happened when we were leaving I can’t. Mainly because you’re a figment of my imagination I’m speaking to while unconscious because that bitch from a roll of fabric in my face while we were arguing about me modelling for her. Not the soft fabric bit either, but the hard metal rod that it was rolled around hitting me square in the head. I fell straight to the floor while Sparkle looked on with a bored expression.

Chapter Five: The Hospital

Beeping. That’s the sound I wake up to, repeating this mornings performance of the sense’s as I slowly regain consciousness, The white wall, the scratchy sheets, and the smell of disinfectant surround me, leading to the obvious conclusion that the stupid bitch named Rarity has somehow managed to hospitalise me using nothing more than a single roll of fabric, speaking of which, my nose still hurt from the blow. Feeling around, I found that my nose had been bandaged, apparently the metal had done more damage than I was hoping. I started to feel around, when I found that my nose had been bandaged. The metal rod must have done a lot more damage than I’d originally anticipated.

It was during this phase of feeling that a new pony, a nurse from the look of it, walked in the room, grabbed the chart from the bottom of the bed and introduced herself as Nurse Redheart. From the way she said it I could only figure that Nurse was her first name, which seems pretty prophetic of her parents, unless they forced her to become a nurse which seems undoubtedly more sinister.

She began to explain that the rod had broken my nose as well as forcing me to lose consciousness, causing a hefty amount of damage. Twilight floated me in and left me there, saying she found me on the street, she also left Redheart with a note to give me once I’d woken up. Of course, this didn’t sit right with her for a single reason. The simple fact that Sparkle was apparently known for her kind and friendly nature, as well as being an accomplished mage so she could have just healed me when she found me. This must mean either two things, I’m evil or that wasn’t Twilight.

Since Redheart had seen Twilight at numerous parties, events and when she’d come to see Rainbow Dash when she was injured, it was safe to say that Redheart knew what Twilight looked like. This left the only sensible conclusion that I was evil, not completely evil as otherwise Twilight wouldn’t have left me alone, but evil enough that she would dump me at a hospital. From here, I just zoned out due to the fact that Redheart had started ranting about how the evil and corrupt parts of society made it so hard to be a nurse due to the amount of patients who, just to be safe, get themselves checked out for the tiniest of things.

I only tuned back in when she began to sport a massive grin. This was because she got to tell me the lovely details of the massive hospital bills I was getting, Ponyland had no NHS and wasn't a socialist government, leading me to pick up the tab, while I could try and get Rarity to pay it, she would probably get out of it by being one of these stupid elements of harmony.
Quite obviously, I had no local currency, stuck in a hospital with a bill that completely floored me and started my nose bleeding again. My only option then was to begin bargaining trying to get a large, if not complete, reduction of the bill, this mare seemed dedicated to my misery as she offered no reduction, but added on 10% because I was rude to staff. Ignoring the fact that the only staff I talked to were her and I can assure you I was very polite.

The only ray of hope came in the form of an offer extended to me. Redheart has decided that since I can’t pay off the bill, I would have to work it off as a janitor. My hours would be eight am to seven pm and the pay would be 2 bits an hour (My bill was 23,230 bits), half would go to me, for living costs and the such and the rest would go to the hospital. For every year that the debt is not paid off I would get 30% added, the percentage being made from the original total. Doing some maths, it would take me 23,230 hours, 2,111 days to pay this debt, meaning that I will definitely be troubled by having to include the 30% yearly interest. When I tried to protest, enraged, Redheart pointed out that it was either this or prison.

In hindsight, I do wonder how the hell she had the power to give me the janitor job, but somethings are better left untouched. What I did find, however, is an overbearing urge to return to Canterlot, back there nothing bad happened, I was given a comfy room and tea. If I could just save up the money I need for a train ticket, I could ditch this and run back to Canterlot. Even if I have to dodge the guards. I’ll be able to save costs, since I’m staying with Twilight.

Oh, speaking of, I should check the note that Sparkle left. Just pick it up, unfold it and…

Shit.

It appears that Sparkle has had quite enough of me, kicking me out of her house. Apparently the letter that the Princess sent her only said she had to let me stay with twilight, until I found another place to sleep. Since I’m going to be kept in hospital overnight, this allows for the loophole allowing her to dump me here. So, now I’m in hospital, with a massive bill that’ll take about a year to pay off, I’ve got no home and I have no idea how much a ticket to Canterlot costs. Hopefully it won’t be much and I’ll only have to work a few hours to buy one. Sighing, I wonder how it all went downhill so quickly, was there some omniscient being that wished my life to be as miserable as possible.

I won’t be able to afford my own place with this kind of money, and with no shared accommodation of any kind, I’d have to buy a house. Completely impossible! I’ll be able to sleep in the janitors closet, hopefully and maybe somewhere will sell food I can afford with 11 bits per day. Lowering my head, I did the only thing I can do right now, internally swear and curse about Sparkle and beyond that swearing revenge on that asshole Rarity who I haven’t liked since I heard about her.

Author's Note

Hello, don't be worried if I don't post a chapter tomorrow. I'm taking weekends off.

Chapter Six: Cleaning The Sick

Waking. A thoroughly common exercise that I have done quite a bit of in the past few days, waking up three times in the first few days and now again a day later. I reach back up to my nose, remembering the healing process, a quick painless spell which the doctor said could be used by any unicorn who studied medical medicine for more than two weeks. Although, the hospital business was still booming due to injuries that the doctors decide to let heal naturally, a normal process for if a pony uses the injured area a lot, as the healing process would strengthen it. I’m not sure if that’s how it worked on earth, but apparently it works in magical ponyland where anyone clinging on to a semblance of logic goes to die.

I was just heaving myself up out of the hospital bed, when Redheart came in. She was just going to introduce me to the current janitor, who would show me the ropes of cleaning the hospital, which seems a relatively easy task, hell I might even be able to use my spare time to start penning a little something small, or start planning something big. However, if there is something I’ve learnt since coming to Equestria, it’s that if something can go wrong in such a way to bring me grief, it will. So you can understand why I was wary to meet the janitor.

Having no choice in the matter, I simply followed Redheart through corridors and wards, until we came to a door labeled, as you’d expect, Janitor’s closet. Redheart knocked on the door, with a crash coming from the other side in response. After a couple of seconds, a brown earth stallion with a brush attached to one hoof and a dust pan on the other stepped out. Using the end of the brush and the dust pan in lieu of his front hooves, he stares at me, before bringing out a brush that I could hold in two hands. Giving it to me, I overheard him muttering something about finally finding a use for that stupid thing.

From there, he guided me around the hospital, showing me what kind of procedures I need to do for each area. Turns out that being forced into being a janitor was not only degrading and aggravating, but I could also add dull as hell to make a list of three. My only hope was that his place might be the least bit exciting with it’s cleaning, although apparently most mages don’t think to make any good enchantments for cleaning, or if they did they certainly kept them for themselves.

Eventually, I was sent to work on another area of the hospital by myself, cleaning and scrubbing the floor free of any grime or dust. removing stains and slowly making my way across the corridor. The benefit of this time when I had nothing to think about but to brush, brush and scrub, was that unlike in my hospital bed when I was thinking about the future and what I should do next to run away from this debt. I was now able to think about the past, more specifically just exactly who I hate most. While Rarity obviously takes the top spot at the place of prime bitch, it was now a close race between Redheart and Sparkle for second place, with the minor noble from the train taking third. It was at this moment of ranking that I realised, I don’t need to hate the entire pony race, like I would eventually have done, I only have to hate the bloody unicorns!

Yes, the unicorns who since I had exited Canterlot, been nothing but a nuisance to me. First, noble guy or girl, whichever it was they were really boring on the train being nothing more than a pretentious piece of shit. Then there was Rarity who I have hated for a while now, with her massive ego, stupid and gaudy house and her 100% encounter rate of me leaving with a broken nose. Finally, there was Sparkle, who got into a massive argument with me because I insulted her friends house and then abandoned me here when she could have easily healed. Have I really been a big enough arse to deserve all of this?

That mental rampage was interrupted by me reaching one of the rooms which I had to clean. It seemed mostly empty, but when I got in I knew that this worlds form of luck was really shitty. Sitting alone in one of the beds was that journalist from earlier. Broken, well, broken everything really, the only thing that seemed to be working was his head, which of course meant that as soon as I entered the room he started trying to start a conversation. He started going on about how he would have got a brilliant story. The Pinkie Pie, element of Harmony, having sex with a cake, a double layer victoria sponge if he assumed right. He was about to get the picture when he fell out of the tree he was watching from.

Ignoring that, I finished cleaning leaving the room and continuing on. Corridor after corridor needing cleaning and time seeming to crawl at a snails pace. I saw janitor guy going around a ward, but I saw Redheart a disturbing amount of times. As in I would leave one ward and she would be in the next, go into a corridor where she’s just around the corner. I’ve started a theory in my mind that this place is cloning a master Redheart and these are all her little healing minions, feeding her with the suffering of others, provided by rubbish hospital food.

The day did slowly move on though and while nothing more of note happened, I did check the janitors closet and it does seem like I could sleep there, if I can just avoid the evil armies of Redheart. I could hardly believe it when the end of the day came, having cleaned seemingly endless amounts of corridors. I was just heading to the janitors closet to put my stuff away and sleep when Redheart came up to. Nothing much was said, only a brief “Here’s your pay, one bit for and one bit to your debt,” putting said debt at an even lower 23,229. This reminded me to check the ticket price, so I put my stuff away and walked to the door out the hospital.

Chapter Seven: The Price of a Ticket

Night. I’d almost forgotten with all that has passed in the last couple of days, but this is my first time looking up at the stars of this new world, they were so much clearer than in my old town, so much bright and the entire universe just looked so much more alive. I’d seen a picture of the night sky from some national park in America, but that had nothing on this. The stars were arranged almost like paintings, with a distant view of galaxies and supernovae, made to look so clear and so near that I could finally feel a distant hope, that somehow this was all a dream and that this proved it.

However, already knowing the result, I pinched myself to no effect, I remain trapped here in this horrid world of cute horses who hate me and a ruler I can’t reach. Yes! If I could just tell the Princess, maybe she can waive this debt hanging over my head like an executioner's axe. This thought was brought to a halt, when I started thinking about the price of paper, ink and postage. Does this place even have a postal service? Where the hell would I buy paper, let alone ink? Damn, I’d need to find a quill, too. Wait, maybe they have pens? No, I definitely saw quills in the library, the brief time that I spent there.

With that option securely out of my reach, I’ll have to travel to Canterlot to tell the Princess. To get to Canterlot, I’ll have to take a return trip by train, which brings me to my original reason to why I left the hospital, now I’m just standing here looking like an idiot outside the hospital, so I started off, heading down the path in front of me, hoping that it connects to the town. Then I can just trace back my steps, back to the train station and back to Canterlot.

Eventually, I saw a hint of village. I start to ponder why the hell they decided to put the hospital so far from town. Someone has probably died due to that distance, they didn’t have any ambulances that I could see which means that you’d have to carry them! And unless you had an overpowered Unicorn Master Race near you, that would take a lot of time and energy.

Now, while I saw a hint of village, the village obviously knows less about me than they think they do. This came from the, now more hostile, stares of the ponies who braved the cold night air to come out, for whatever reason. I even saw a parent hurry their kids inside, which seemed a tad cliche for my taste.

I had nearly made it to the library, when I saw a sight I instantly decided would be a good sight to get away from. That sight was Twilight Pimpin’ Sparkle with her posse of prostitutes, walking up the street. One of particular note being the high class escort Sharity, so named due to her habit of providing free gang-bangs. I took tactical cover behind a set of crates, handily nearby, until they passed.

This cover provided me the perfect opportunity to eavesdrop on them, listening to their top-secret client list. Unsurprisingly, the dangerous pimp and escort duo were spreading slander about me and damaging my trusty weapon of reputation. I would have to inform the Princess of this and have justice enacted, if I can remember.

That encounter over, I finished my journey to the library, not bothering to peek inside I began to retrace my steps back to the train station, a task that took much longer than one would think. I finally reached it though, checked the price board and found the Canterlot train ticket price...

10 Bits. 10 days of work, 9 now. 9 more days of that gruelling, dull and dreary job, for that bitch Redheart. This will take longer than I thought, but at least it’s not impossible.

I began the slow trudge back to hospital, the stares lessened now, only by the fact that there were less ponies out. While, they might hate me for what slander and rumour have put against my name, at least they hold no desire to lynch me yet. While I could begin to clear my name, if you factor in my leaving in a few days and that Sparkle and Rarity have already lived here for a while, I assume, combined with the reputation Rarity has, I really couldn’t be arsed to deal with all that. No, I’ll just lay low, earn the bits and then sneak out of town while Redheart sleeps.

I reach the doors of the hospital, still bright from who knows what source of light, I’m just going to assume magic. I start to feel the tiredness from the days work start to seep in, making me yawn as I head over to the Janitors Closet. I check my pocket for the single bit and open the door. Finding it empty at this time means that I should be able to sleep in here undisturbed. Laying down, I took the bit out, examining it, a gold coin with the Princess’s head on one side and a moon emblazoned on it on the other side. This coin represents one day of work and if I don’t get out of here, it’ll be representing the other Twenty-three thousand, two hundred and twenty-nine days to go.

When I say it think of it like that, it all suddenly hits me, how unfair this all is, I criticised a bloody building and ended up with a broken nose and a crippling debt. I even consider finding some method of suicide but I don’t bother, why do that when I could go try for a better life in Canterlot. Although if that doesn’t pan out then I probably would just end it. No real point to it if I go to two cities and fuck it up both times. Even now, I realise the childishness of that, but I do try and think of what I should do if Canterlot does go tits up.

I haven’t heard of any other towns so I’d probably just pick one of a train timetable at random. That’s all in the future though and for now, I just have to deal with…

Wait, it was ONE BITS A FUCKING HOUR! I was meant to get one bit per hour, that bitch fucked me. I got straight up and begun looking for that fucking Nurse.

Chapter Eight: The Escape

Fuming. That word is not even close to what I feel right now. No, a closer descriptor would be sheer blinding rage, as I stormed around the hospital looking for Redheart, passing ward after ward. Eventually, I found gathering her things to leave in the staff room and I went straight to her, demanding the 10 bits of pay that she still owed me. I must be a lot scarier than I thought, as she threw the ten bits into my face and galloped out of the room. Not even bothering to work out how much debt I had left, I stormed to the janitors closet, lay down and tried to sleep while burning off the last vestige of rage.

When I was fully calm, I realised that I could go back to Canterlot. However, while I could have gone to the train station and caught the next train, I instead opted to have a nights sleep and get going when I’m fully rested. Well, that and I’d bigged up the janitors closet to myself as quite comfy and I had a desire to prove myself wrong. So, I slept, expecting it to be painful in the morning…

Waking up, I found out, the hard way, that I was right, my body ached all over and I had a strange craving to drink the bleach that was resting on the top shelf. Getting up, I started strolling down the corridor, to the lobby and through the hospital doors. I did have to hide from Redheart, as I was meant to start working in a few minutes. Cue mission impossible theme, I crouched behind a pillar as she passed, not noticing me due to the strategically placed bit on the floor in front of her. While this left me with only the money for the ticket and no more distractions, it did buy me enough time to make it out of the doors.

From there, it was a brisk walk to the train station, via the library, not caring about the stares and whispers of the morning ponies, they could think I was the devil himself for all I care, as soon as I get back to Canterlot, I didn’t have to give a flying fuck what they thought. Arriving at the train station, I bought the ticket and began waiting for the train, due to arrive in 10 minutes. This wait was made less than tasteful by the appearance of “Deep Cut” Sparkle and her cabal of elite assassins, including the swift, calculating hacker, Parity. Turns out they heard, from god knows whom, that I was here and they wanted to tell me goodbye.

Those goodbyes included a suspect amount of promises never to come back to Ponyville, ever. This was fine by me, considering that from near the moment I got here things got shitty. So, since this would be the last time I saw them, I told Rarity that her house was ugly, her designs were bad and her ego was massive. I got through that and then turned to Twilight, telling her that perhaps she should engage with anger management classes, or failing that a therapist to deal with her lifelong phobia of dishware.

They were all about to jump me and tear my flesh off like a bunch of sharks who just saw a clueless diver, when my train came in, stepping on, I ignored the shouts that were flung my way and found a cart and sat down…

This world is fucking screwing with me, as soon as I had got in the cart and settled down, then did those three ponies from the last buggering train journey come i to. I was tempted to walk straight out and find another carriage altogether, but in the end decided to stay put. This was mainly influenced by a hilarious spectacle outside the window. Turns out, news travels fast in this town and so I saw Redheart, face contorted with rage, running to the train. By now the train had started moving, the steam whistle blowing it’s final farewell.

While I laid back and relaxed, the others decided that they were interested in why they were each leaving. To begin, the clock-maker was leaving because he’d done his job and while he had tried to get a business going, there was already a talented watchmaker in Ponyville, so beginning a rival business would be futile. Poor guy seemed pretty beat up about that, must have only seen the lighter side of Ponyville.

The Noble’s story I didn’t even bother with, he just got a suit made and left, simple as.

Now, the last time I saw the Journalist was in a hospital bed, they must be quite quick healers. I decided to quickly ask how much it cost him and he looked at me strangely. I was then informed that Redheart was a terrible, absolute arsehole, who deserves to be sent to hell, burned to ashes and then remade before the whole cycle begins again. The health care is free, the health care was bloody free! There was no debt in the first place. I was free from that. I did have a quick good thought for Redheart though, as she gave me the means to buy the ticket that had me on this train.

Getting back to the Journalists story, apparently he decided to leave due to the pressure of Ponyville. after the Pinkie Pie story didn’t go anywhere but hospital, he tried to get a shot of the racer, Rainbow Dash, doing stretches, she caught him and dumped him in a lake. The more I hear about this guy, the more I get the feel for just what kind of newspaper he worked for. I actually suprised that they had that sort of thing here.

Different to last time, I didn’t give my reasons, despite the others looking quite eagerly at me, I just stared out the window watching for a large mountain and thinking of the sanctuary of Canterlot.

Chapter Nine:The Return

Stares. It’s funny, you go to two different places, you find two different attitudes. Whereas the Ponyville stares were faintly hostile from the get go, the Canterlot stares were a lot more polite, more curious and no parents hurried their kids inside or covered their eyes. Having finally arrived, I didn’t need directions to get to the castle, since it was visible from the train station so I knew which direction to go in.

I begun to walk at slow pace, savoring the fact that not only was I here in Canterlot, good old safe Canterlot, I had no debt hanging over my head, no thought of guards trying to chase me and lock me up. I took in the sights of a pure city that looked etched from marble with a master hand, slowly cutting away at the mountain and taking the stone for this masterpiece, despite having seen it hanging off the side from the train, when you were in the city there was no hint that you’re life hung in the balancing act, whether it was magical or not I did not know.

While I was walking, a small foal cantered over to me, asking me what I was. I was in a good mood by now, so I told him that I was a human come to Equestria by forces unknown. I just finished this short expose when his mother came toward us. I began to fear the worst, that she would claim I was a pedophile cannibal about to rape then eat her son, when she apologised that he was a nuisance and wished me a good day. I was slightly dazed by this, so only offered a short “No problem,” needless to say, Canterlot had already risen far above Ponyville in my eyes and this was just confirming all my prejudices.

I eventually made it over to the castle, being stopped by the guards in front. I simply requested an audience with the Princess, as we had to have a small talk over a small task she sent me on. They took this to me I wanted to go into day court, which was in session at the moment, and so brought me into the throne room. I was pondering the laxness of their security when we entered. A beautiful room with ornate statues and doors, a large golden throne raised above the area where us mere mortals would make our requests. All illuminated from the light emerging from a stain glass window.

When, I entered the court was fairly packed and from what I overheard the current petitioner saying, Celestia must be a far greater ruler than I thought for staying awake and sane, while nobles such as the one in front of me petition for such useless laws, for example, a law which would force all bakeries to have at the least a sausage roll before they may be called a bakery. A topic matter which was not just pointless busybodying, but also stopped any dessert based bakeries from calling themselves as such.
The Princess said that she would have a expert group of bakers look into the issue and then tell the noble whether the law has been passed. About to call for the next petitioner, she must have checked how much she had left, as she spotted me and talked to a guard to her left. That guard then went to me and took me off to the courtyard where the Princess and I first had tea.

A couple of minutes later the Princess walked into the courtyard, the tea being prepared by a nearby servant. She asked me why I was back, I responded with a report of the past few days, describing my encounters with Sparkle, Rarity and Redheart. The next few minutes were a blur, with the Princess giving me a guest room, the one I stayed in when I first woke up, as recompense for her little ponies actions against me, with the broken nose, abandonment and the false debt and blackmail.

I sit there now, on that comfy bed with the ornate dresser, trying to think of something, a story to write, a world to create and a whole culture to bring. I can’t wait! I put quill to paper and the rest is simple.