The Mareijuana Adventures
It was like any other day at the school house for Ponyvilles Colts and Fillies, however... Today's lesson would be a little different from any of the previous ones, Miss Cherilee taught the little ponies about various safety topics in the past, but now she would be teaching them about a topic very serious. Today they were going to learn all about the drugs available around Equestria.
First thing Cherilee asked her class was if they had ever heard about drugs before, the only pony that did was Silverspoon, she stood up and said “I was told a relative of mine owns a pharmaceutical corporation that makes billions selling legal ones like anti depressants.”
“Thank you Silverspoon, you see class, there are good drugs and bad ones. There are positive ones for making ponies happy and helping them deal with pain, then there are the evil ones that hurt ponies and ruin their lives.”
“How do you know which ones are good?” Asked Scootaloo.
“By whether ponies who are wealthy and in positions of power approve of them or not.”
Cherilee then began listing off the drugs that were deemed harmful and that they should all stay away from at all times. First one she talked about was the most common, Mareijuana. Legend has it, the plant was put on Equestria by Discord long ago to try and shake the foundations of this world to the core, if any pony smokes it just once their minds will go to oblivion and they will never move out of their parents basements. The Second drug discussed was Everfree Forest Mushrooms, containing vast amounts of dark magic, they were strong enough to convince an Earth Pony they were a Pegasus.
Third one was Crystal Empire Crystal Meth, a drug artificially created by a mad Crystal Pony years ago, and no matter what measures Princess Cadence takes to eliminate it out of her kingdom, it never can be completely purged. Causing Ponies to go into mad fits of rage, some conspiracy theorists claimed Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon purely because of the meth, and that the Moon acted as a massive rehab clinic. Any of the staff that had to deal with her during her millennium long withdrawal ended up doing meth themselves.
Fourth one was Hexstacey, pills that make ponies feel great euphoria and want to listen to electronic music for hours on end. Last drug she would discuss for the day was a deadly one known as Horse, that had to be injected. Would make Ponies feel they were high up in the sky, in the case of Pegasi who do it feel like they are hovering about in outer space and can't feel their wings.
At the end of the day all the little Ponies went off home discussing what they had learned with their friends and later on their families. The young Colt named Snails was not sure what to think of the drug issue, partly because he wasn't listening almost the whole time, but also because it created mixed thoughts in his mind. Cherilee mentioned multiple times that drugs make ponies feel good, how can something that makes you feel good actually be bad for you? Does that mean other things that felt good were also bad for you? He couldn't quite wrap his head around it... So soon he gave up and did something mind numbing until he passed out.
The next day Snails was approached by his best and pretty much only friend Snips on the way to school.
“Snails come here! Have to show you something! You won't believe what I have behind those bushes there!”
“Why wouldn't I believe it if I'll be able to see it?...”
“.... Never mind, just come here and feast your eyes on.... THIS!!!”
Snips then pulled out an enormous bag of Mareijuana, was mostly light green in colour but it also was a bit red.
“I don't get it, you have a bag full of weed?” Asked the innocent/stupid unicorn.
“Well, technically that is one way to refer to it... But this isn't just any weed! Its the dankest, most potent Mareijuana available in all of Ponyville!”
“Mareijuana? But isn't that one of the drugs Cherilee told us to never do?”
“Snails come on, what does Cherilee know about anything!? Shes just a teacher.”
“Yeah but shes young and hot, so she probably knows what she is talking about Snips!”
“That maybe so but she also strives to make our lives miserable, she doesn't want us to be happy. She deliberately gives us bad grades even though were the brightest colts in town, she yells at us when we don't listen, even though were thinking about highly abstract, complex things at all times and she tries wasting our energy!”
“Hmmm, she did say it would make us feel good... But many things make me feel good, like pudding!”
“Snails, this strain of weed is called Pudding!”
That was all the convincing Snails needed to try the Mareijuana out. Snips then proceeded to roll a big joint for the two of them.
“So where did you get all this Mareijuana Snips?”
“My Grandpa gets crates full of it every week because of his medical conditions. See! Absolute proof Cherilee is a liar that wants us to be unhappy. She told us some drugs are used to help and heal ponies, then she told us Mareijuana isn't one of those drugs, it has to be approved by ponies like Silverspoons relatives. So how come my grandpa gets as much as he wants?”
“Wow, good point Snips. You should have been the one teaching us about drugs yesterday!”
“I know eh! Anyways, the joint is ready. Get ready to have your mind blown as you smoke the best pudding this side of Equestria has to offer!!!”
Snips sparked the joint lighting it up, taking several deep puffs from it until his eyes were blood shot, the joint was now burning fine and he passed it to Snails. Snips however did not realize how hard it would be to smoke Snails up, first puff he took he coughed his lungs out and got angry that it didn't taste like pudding but only smelled somewhat like it. Then Snips proceeded to get angry with Snails because he produced a good litre of saliva on the edge of the joint so as punishment he forced him to smoke the rest by himself, would roll a second one for his own use.
“Snips it burns going down! This doesn't feel right!”
“That's because you take it like a bitch! Plus your not taking big enough hits! Of course it feels right, just remember, even pudding can burn going down when its fresh from the stove. This Mareijuana is fresh from the field!”
“Oh okay that makes sense!”
Snails eventually got the hang of it and managed to finish the joint by himself, only greening out once in the process.
“Wow.... This pudding is... Is.... High... Like my head.... My neck is so long Snips, thanks for giving me the stuff to realize this!”
“You're going to figure out all kinds of shit soon enough Snail dude! Now lets go to school. Just wait until you see what all the Ponies look like when your totally baked.”
Stumbling over to the school house, the two Colts were late for class, luckily for them though Cherilee at this point had VERY low expectations for them and didn't really care, almost expected them to be late everyday. They sat at the back of the class so their teacher was not able to detect the enormous green stench emitting off of their bodies. Normally the two misfits did not participate in class, so they were able to just zone out and be in their own little worlds until lunch break.
By the time lunch started Snails was experiencing the munchies for the first time ever, he devoured his lunch in no time, every bite was like an orgasm in his mouth. After he was done eating, Snips took him behind the school house.
“So, what do you think of being high in class Snails?”
“Was great! The Mareijuana makes Cherilee look even more hot! I also noticed Silverspoon had glasses, before I became enlightened I thought they were part of her face!”
“I'm telling you, this stuff is amazing and it just gets better and better every time you try it. Now guess what I have behind my back right now! ANOTHER JOINT!!!”
The two of them proceeded to smoke up again, however this time because they were having their session in an obvious place they were noticed by several Fillies who then approached them who were known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The two misfits saw them but proceeded to keep sucking away on the joint.
“What are you two doing? Are you guys.... Smoking?” Asked a concerned little Applebloom.
“Well duh, were the most cool Colts around so of course we are.”
“What is that your smoking exactly?.... Is that the legal kind of smoking material, tobacoats? Even if it is, you two are too young for it.” Said Scootaloo.
“Why would we bother smoking that stuff when it doesn't even get you high!? Me and Snails only smoke top grade Mareijuana which is amazing and makes life a lot better.”
“Yeah! We only smoke pudding!” Added in a stoned Snails.
“Well... You two are the ones in charge of your own lives, can only hope you will stop sometime soon.... Lets go guys...” Said Applebloom who with Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle walked off troubled by what they witnessed.
“What a bunch of squares eh Snails? Now maybe we can roll up another before break is over!”
Day after day after day the two of them proceeded to get high at lunch time, their overall performances at school got lower and lower but Cherilee was expecting this and so were their parents who were praying that they were perhaps just late bloomers. Anytime Applebloom saw them going to the back of the school to smoke she would feel sad and more and more felt like she had to talk to someone about it. So one day she approached her older brother Big Mac, he was shy but deep down had a lot of life wisdom.
“Big Mac, I was wondering.... Do you know what Mareijuana is?”
“Eeyup.”
“Do you know much about it?”
“Eeyup.”
“Have you ever tried it before?”
“Eeyup.”
“Really? Well, you see, I know two Colts who have gotten into it.... Should I be concerned for them?”
“Noope.”
“Nope? So what they were saying about it is true? That its amazing and makes life better?”
“Eeyup.”
“Wait a second, do you smoke Mareijuana currently brother?”
“.... Talk to Granny.”
“Huh?”
“Eeyup. Speak to Granny.”
“Hmm alright....”
The filly then went to speak to her ancient grandmother who knew a lot about almost everything in life.
“Granny, can I have a word with you about something, am concerned for two Colts that I know, and possibly my brother...”
“Eh? Is that you Applebloom? Speak up will yee!”
“ITS ME GRANNY! Am concerned about something!”
“What troubles you youngin? When I was your age I don't remember being concerned about anything, except perhaps a Bubonic plague striking the settlement, but that's it!”
“Do you know anything about Mareijuana?”
“Do I! Back in my old day that stuff was plentiful and legal, us Apples before we got into the apple industry grew purely just Mareijuana, all 8 of the original strains. Reason we were called Apples instead of the Mareijuanas was because we would mix it in all kinds of foods, my mother could bake a special Apple pie that could get you buzzed for days! We also invented the apple pipe! Also I personally created the first original strain, called it Green Apple Bud!”
“Um, wow... That's interesting, so do you know why its not legal anymore?”
“Darn tootin I do! You see, Diamond Tiara's grandfather Stinkin Rich had a major issue with it, he wanted to start up a major tobacoat company in the region and the Mareijuana industry he was afraid would affect it. So he pulled a few strings here and there and gave Mayor Mares parents a big bag of bits and soon we were growing purely just apples...”
“My teacher Mrs Cherilee though said stuff is made illegal for good reasons, there are good drugs and bad ones. Who am I supposed to believe Granny?”
“Bah, well don't be believing everything you hear from that teacher, sure she may have a fancy edimication! But that doesn't mean she knows everything about everything. Somethings you can only learn about fully through experience. In my personal experience the ol Mareijuana isn't to bad, no worse than eating apple pie everyday!”
“Granny, do you smoke Mareijuana? From what it sounds like you used to but do you still?”
“Applebloom, remember how I told you we were known for our Mareijuana Apple Pies? Notice how I always eat an entire pie purely just to myself? I'm to old to smoke it anymore, can only devour.”
“Aren't there any side effects though?”
“Nah that's only what greedy corporate ponies want you to think. Now, be a good filly and help Granny find her dentures, she has a special pie in the oven and I'm old to the point I can't even eat one without artificial assistance!”
After an hour of looking for her dentures which she accidentally baked inside the special pie in the oven, Applebloom decided she wanted to hear one more opinion on the special plant. So she went out into the apple orchard and asked her sister Applejack.
“AJ I need to hear your opinion on something, its been troubling me lately.”
“Sure sugarcube, what is it?”
“Well... These two colts I know, Snips and Snails, they keep smoking Mareijuana every single day during lunch at school. Am getting concerned for them... Do you know anything about the drug?”
“You could say that... I mean, just look at who you live with.”
“Whats that supposed to mean?...”
“Just look at Big Mac, why do you think hes so shy and says very little? Hes off in his own little world and doesn't want to say to much to many ponies because hes afraid they will figure out hes higher than a Pegasus up in Cloudsdale! Also that stuff gives some ponies anxiety, hes a good example of this.”
“So anxiety is a side effect?”
“For some ponies yeah it is. Also another one is short term memory loss, our granny is a prime example of it, trust me its not just her old age causing it!”
“So should I be worried about Snips and Snails?”
“If I remember right about who they are then yeah, they're bad enough all natural... I mean, can they get much worse?”
“That's the thing! I don't know, and I'm terrified of the possibility that they might!”
“There is always that chance but there is only so much that you can do. My personal guess is reasoning with them is pointless.”
“It sure is!”
“Right, so all you can really do sometimes is have faith that some ponies will pull through!”
“Can I really have faith in those two though?”
“Probably not.”
“So what do I do AJ?”
“Can't say you have to many options. Since they aren't to bright am sure they will be caught by your teacher or some other authority figure, the rest will sort itself out.”
“Yeah.... I guess your right.... Also was wondering, if Big Macintosh smokes the green stuff, and so does Granny... Do you get high on Mareijuana as well Applejack?”
“I wouldn't get to be the element of Honesty if I were to say no that's for sure haha. However I don't smoke up to often anymore, mainly on special occasions. You find what personally works for you Applebloom. Now enough chit chatting, lets try and get a slice of Granny's special pie! ^_^”
TO BE CONTINUED!!!
